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[FLUTTERRAPE] Thread Shorts Volume 10

By Nebulus
Created: 2022-01-03 14:56:04
Updated: 2022-01-03 17:59:24
Expiry: Never
anonnsfwcomedyflutterrapevarious characters

  1. Forgot to bin these a while back since I went inactive. They were written across several threads from Aug - Dec 2021.
  2.  
  3. ---
  4.  
  5. Regarding RainbroDash threads
  6.  
  7. "It won't work."
  8. >"Of course it will, darling, will you stop fussing!"
  9. >You squirm under Rarity's touches, both magic and physical.
  10. >A needle comes perilously close to stabbing your neck, but only to fix a stitch.
  11. "Are you done yet? I wanna get this over with so I can go home."
  12. >"Rainbow Dash, really," Rarity scowls at you. "You wanted help, and this is help. Now shush."
  13. "Couldn't you have done this before we came here?"
  14. >"The lighting wasn't right, if I'd known the bar would be this dark I'd have turned the collar over beforehoof."
  15. >She hums and backs away from you.
  16. >"There! It looks so much better with the white exposed. You're ready!"
  17. "No I'm not..."
  18. >Rarity drapes herself around you, giving you an affectionate nuzzle.
  19. >"I understand."
  20. "Do you?"
  21. >"Of course! It's natural for a lady to be nervous about approaching the object of her carnal desires."
  22. "My -what- desires?"
  23. >"Eugh, sexual, then."
  24. >Your cheeks warm. She scoffs.
  25. >"Well there's no point looking so shocked. You wanted this, didn't you?"
  26. "I-I'm getting second thoughts."
  27. >"Love requires no second thoughts. You either love him or you don't. Do you love him?"
  28. "Yeah?"
  29. >"Then go over there and confess. The dress was made to highlight your sensual, lithe form, and as long as you aren't so... 'strident', let's say, and instead work your charms like I taught you, he'll be eating out of your hoof."
  30. >She puts her mouth to your ear.
  31. >"That won't be the only thing he'll be eating out, either."
  32. >If you weren't red before, you are now. Rarity giggles at your thousand-yard stare.
  33. "But he's my bro--"
  34. >"Are you trying to rationalise backing out? I won't hear of it, now -go-!"
  35. >She shoves you away from the dark corner you were huddled in and into the light.
  36. >A few ponies cast quizzical glances your way, and a few of those linger on the athlete wearing a bespoke black and white dress cut to flow over her hard edges.
  37. >But they're distracted by other things and go back to their conversations.
  38. >The patron at the bar remains where he is, slumped over and nursing his drink.
  39. >You gulp and approach him, your front legs becoming more jittery with each step.
  40.  
  41. *
  42.  
  43. >He always seems bigger than expected up close.
  44. "Hey, An--" you swallow - why is your throat so dry? - and try again. "Hey, Anon."
  45. >He turns to you and his grimace becomes a tired smile.
  46. >"Hey, Dash. Great to see you, thought you weren't coming for a moment."
  47. >You hop up onto the stool next to him and flag the bartender to get you whatever Anon's drinking.
  48. "Nah, I was just, uh, busy. With weathery crap."
  49. >He nods understandably.
  50. >"Figured. So, what's up, why are we here? I gotta bail in a few, got that thing at AJ's. Hope that's alright?"
  51. >His eyes remain fixed on your face. He doesn't give any indication that he's noticed your dress or mane.
  52. >You puff out your chest slightly and lean on the bar, angling yourself towards him like Rarity said.
  53. "Well, you know, I just wanted to hang for a bit. Talk about stuff." Rarity had also said to say some other things with way too many syllables, but you'd forgotten it all the moment she'd finished speaking. "How's your week been?"
  54. >"Been alright," he shrugs, "you would know, we spent most of it together."
  55. >The man snorts and tussles your mane, a couple of fingers scratching your head as he does so.
  56. >You squeak and fend him off, patting the hair back down and casting a worried glance over your shoulder.
  57. >Rarity stands in the darkness, her eyes smouldering now that her hour-long efforts to tame your mane have been rendered moot.
  58. >"Come on, what's this about. You look like you've seen a ghost."
  59. >The pale figure behind you wouldn't be too far from that.
  60. >You wet your lips and nod, drawing yourself up to your full height.
  61. "Look, Anon, I need to tell you something."
  62. >You throw back your drink and suck in some air, planting both hooves on the bar and psyching yourself up.
  63. "I-I like you a lot," you say more to the bar than the man.
  64. >"Sure, I like you too."
  65. "Really?"
  66. >Could it have been that easy?
  67. >"You're my best friend, why wouldn't I like you."
  68. >Oh.
  69. "No, no not like that, I mean I really like you."
  70. >"I really like you too. Man, you are just incredible with words, has anyone ever told you that?"
  71. "Hey, I'm being serious here, you asshole," you punch him in the arm with an annoyed look.
  72. >He gives a helpless shrug.
  73. >"Not giving me a lot to work with here, I feel like you're about to break up with me."
  74. >You wince.
  75. "No, it's kind of the opposite."
  76. >"We're not breaking up?"
  77. "No."
  78. >"Good, because I got some tickets that would have gone to waste otherwise."
  79. >He smirks at you, and you stare at him for a few seconds before you catch on.
  80. "What tick..." you trail off and Anon reveals two bright orange slips from his jacket with a smug look.
  81. >"Boom. Look at what your boy snagged from a scalper."
  82. "Iron Mareden! They sold out!"
  83. >"Yeah, like I said, I got them from a scalper. Cost me an arm and a leg."
  84. "Why did you buy them then, go get your money back!"
  85. >"Nah, I think it'll be worth it. Not like I have anyone else to go with."
  86. >You peer up at the man's beaming face, your lower lip trembling.
  87. "Damn it, Anon, you're not making this easy."
  88. >"What? Christ's sake woman, have you got a terminal illness or something?"
  89. "Ngh, I-think-I-maybe-love-you."
  90. >He sticks a finger in his ear and works it around, squinting.
  91. >"Say that again, chief?"
  92. >You cover your face with your hooves and slump against the bar without another word. By now your cheeks will be a healthy tomato red and your wings are trying to unfurl through your dress.
  93. >A hand rests on your back and you flinch.
  94. >"It's alright, Dash," he strokes between your wings, fingers grazing your wing joints, and you melt under his touch, "we can talk about it some other time if you'd prefer. You still fine to go to the concert?"
  95. >You nod wordlessly.
  96. >"Great. Want me to take you home, or something?"
  97. >You shake wordlessly.
  98. >"Alright, I'm heading off to AJ's then. I'll... see you around?"
  99. >You nod wordlessly.
  100. >He puffs his cheeks out and rustles your mane again.
  101. >"So long, Dash, you know where I'll be."
  102. >He strolls out of the bar, but you remain hunched over, eyes clenched and making sure no one can see your flushed face.
  103. >A trickle of liquid makes you look up.
  104. >The bartender gives you a sympathetic look and nudges your refilled glass at you.
  105. >"Seem like you need it, Rainbow."
  106. "Thanks, Berry..."
  107. >She drifts away to tend to the other patrons. Another figure replaces Anon in the seat beside you.
  108. >You don't look at her, choosing to stare into the caramel liquid in your glass.
  109. >"Rainbow Dash."
  110. >A few seconds pass before you glance at her.
  111. >Rarity is wearing that placid look she develops whenever her rage is one errant word from exploding.
  112. >"What, in Equestria, was that."
  113. "I... dropped the ball."
  114. >"You let him ruin your mane!"
  115. >She passes a gentle hoof over it with a whine.
  116. >"Do you know how much product I had to use to get it into something resembling civilised? I haven't had a mane fight me that hard since Pinkie Pie, and her mane actually -was- fighting me! With a sword!"
  117. "It doesn't matter, he didn't even notice it."
  118. >"Surely not, you look ravishing. If I was a stallion I'd have taken you home already and--"
  119. "Thanks, but he didn't seem interested."
  120. >"Then we shall just have to try harder. Where is he now?"
  121. "At Applejack's. I'm throwing in the towel, Rarity, thanks for the help--"
  122. >"No."
  123. >It is a clear, precise no. One that brooks no argument.
  124. >"I did not spend as much time as I did crafting you the -perfect- dress and the -perfect- mane style just so you can give up at the first hurdle. What happened to your competitive spirit? Where's the Rainbow Dash that saved me at the Young Flier's Tournament and kicked a dragon in the face?"
  125. "Ugh, I don't know! It's whenever he looks at me I just... I don't know, crumble..."
  126. >Rarity swoons, much to your annoyance.
  127. >"Oh but that's so romantic! The plucky firebrand tomboy laid low by the irresistible force of love! No, we are -not- giving up, I absolutely -will not- allow it." Her voice raises. "Come on, we're going to find that man and by the end of tonight he -will- be speed-boxing your gushing winking marehood with his fat monkey tongue!"
  128. >You stare at her.
  129. >As does Berry Punch the bartender and quite a few other nearby patrons.
  130. >She clears her throat and forces a laugh, reassuring those around her.
  131. >"M-metaphorically, of course. It was just an expression."
  132. >With that, she hooks your arm and drags you out of the bar both to save her own social standing and your love life.
  133.  
  134. ---
  135.  
  136. The above, continued.
  137.  
  138. >Your pegasus fluff would usually protect you from the cold, but it's one of those days where the wind could slice through the thickest winter coats.
  139. >Fortunately, Rarity came prepared, though not in a manner you were expecting.
  140. >She nuzzles your ear and gives you a warm smile.
  141. >"The dress in the bar didn't work, despite all reason dictating that it ought to have done, but this definitely will."
  142. "Is the blanket really necessary?"
  143. >"It's camouflage, Rainbow Dash."
  144. "It's bright blue."
  145. >"That's so that it blends into the sky. Up here we're imposed against it from below, where he'll see us."
  146. "It's dusk."
  147. >"Perhaps it could have a few more leaves on it to blend in with the shrubs, but I didn't want to get it dirty. Now huddle closer, you're letting a draft in."
  148. >You shuffle on your butt against Rarity, your sides pressing together. Her magic pulls it around, a snug shell.
  149. >Before you is a tranquil Ponyville evening - the darkened greens of the oaks and sycamores smother the muddy buildings and paths. All is awash in a rich orange that reminds you of how long you've been at this today.
  150. >It was lunchtime when you were first dragged into Rarity's shop to do the pre-preparations, as apparently you needed to do preliminary work on yourself before the actual work could begin.
  151. >This mostly involved Rarity smushing your cheeks between her hooves and trilling about how adorable you were going to look, only to correct that you were already "quite fetching".
  152. >Now you sit under a sky-blue blanket on a hill outside Ponyville, huddled against her and enjoying the warmth she's giving off.
  153. >She rests her head against the top of yours. You'd never noticed before, given your preference for hovering over those around you, but she's quite a bit taller than you.
  154. >"Comfortable?"
  155. "Kinda?"
  156. >"Good."
  157. "You sure this is the right call?"
  158. >"He'll only be at Applejack's for a little while, yes?"
  159. "He's just fixing something in her barn."
  160. >"Then soon he'll be done, and he'll pass through here on his way home. Then we strike."
  161. "Why are we striking, aren't we just gonna talk to him?"
  162. >"Well, talking at first, yes, but he didn't respond at all to the seductive approach," she grumbles "for some insane reason" under her breath. "So we'll try your more direct methods. Grab the man by his horn, so to speak."
  163. >You gulp at the mental image, now feeling far warmer.
  164. "Don't expect much here, Rare. I already said I get weird around him."
  165. >She coos and rubs against you.
  166. >"I know, isn't it precious?"
  167. "Maybe for you. I'm just trying not to make an ass of myself."
  168. >"If you are an ass, darling, then you're the finest ass in Ponyville."
  169. "Uh, thanks?"
  170. >Rarity tenses, her body goes firm against you.
  171. >You glance away from her and survey the path leading from Applejack's land.
  172. >Nothing there. You frown.
  173. "What's up?"
  174. >"I just had the -worst- idea."
  175. "That he's not coming back this way?"
  176. >"That he's not coming back at all! Rainbow Dash, what if Anonymous is -rutting- Applejack!"
  177. >Your stomach flips, but reason quickly asserts itself.
  178. "Hold on, he doesn't like her that way. And AJ doesn't see him like... that."
  179. >"You don't sound certain."
  180. "Well it's not like she ever brings him up."
  181. >"So you don't know -how- she feels! Rainbow--" she grabs your shoulders and touches her nose to yours. You find your vision filled with her spectacular blue eyes. Her mascara is always so well-appointed. You could never get the hang of it yourself, or any make-up for that matter.
  182. >"We have to find him! We could already be too late!"
  183. "Too late for--"
  184. >She wraps her hooves around you, pulling you against her chest and cradling you as you flail against her iron grip.
  185. >When did she get so strong? At that thought you recall numerous times where she's displayed something approaching martial prowess.
  186. >She might well praise you for kicking a dragon, but she herself bucked a manticore right between the eyes without a second thought. Then there was the flying kick during the Discord fiasco. She knocked Spitfire out cold with a single punch.
  187. >Rarity's actually kind of scary, now that you think about it.
  188. >"Right now, on Applejack's farm, they could be wrapped in each other's arms. Similar to how we're wrapped up now."
  189. >Her hoof trails down your back.
  190. >"He could be touching her like this, those powerful hands crushing each firm, farmpony buttock. Their tongues could be slithering across each other. Moistened breath and spit smearing their faces as they vie for oral dominance."
  191. >She squeezes. Breathing is becoming harder. You squeak to try and get her attention.
  192. >"Lost to the throes of passion, they'll be rolling in the hay, fumbling to get his stylish pants - the set I designed with the little gems along the pockets, remember?"
  193. >The grip eases and she looks down at you expectantly. Terrified of saying no, you nod.
  194. >"Right," she clenches again but you manage to suck in a breath just in time, "with the pants cast off, they'll be grunting and panting and whispering each other's names in hushed, husky tones, ready to -breed- right there on that barn floor! Oh Rainbow Dash, we have to stop them!"
  195. >The blanket is torn off your back and Rarity takes off in a mad gallop towards Sweet Apple Acres.
  196. >You see a glistening smear between her thighs as she runs and you look down at the grass where she was sat.
  197. >The blades glisten too. You shudder.
  198. >Even so, her fear has infected you, despite your admittedly limited spring of logic demanding otherwise.
  199. >You unfurl your wings to take off after her, your uncertainty at making another pass at Anonymous warring with your curiosity to see if he really -has- shacked up with Applejack.
  200.  
  201. *
  202.  
  203. >You're gliding over a shrub next to one of Applejack's many barns when the shrub snatches you from the air and drags you inside it.
  204. >Rarity holds you close again - she's very hooves-on today - and covers your mouth.
  205. >"Shh, there!"
  206. >You peer through the branches and leaves. Applejack is talking to someone further along behind the barn wall.
  207. >Magic hums and the bush picks itself up. You wonder how it was alive when it apparently doesn't have any roots.
  208. >Rarity carries both you and the plant further along the dusty trail, coming to a stop against the barn wall.
  209. >Were Applejack to glance this way, she would hopefully just see an out of place bush, and not two sets of eyes watching her from within.
  210. >Now in a better position, you see Anonymous as well.
  211. >Your heart leaps.
  212. >Rarity shushes you again, her hoof stroking the top of your head.
  213. >You'd ward her off, but there's little point.
  214. >"Smokey Garnet," the man says.
  215. >"Smokey? Nah, stallion's as useful as a bucket with two mouths," comes the rural drawl.
  216. >"Not sure where else you can try then, it's him or Buck."
  217. >"Eh, might have to be Buck. He's a hard feller, but I can work with him if I have to."
  218. >Rarity hisses in your ear.
  219. >"They're already talking about bucking! Look at the way he's carrying himself, he's barely restraining himself from leaping on her and pumping six foals into her fertile earth pony womb!"
  220. >Anon stands a good distance from Applejack, his hands in his pockets and leaning back with a tired expression on his face.
  221. >Applejack chews a stalk of wheat thoughtfully, a front leg crossed over the other.
  222. "I think they're just talking about farm stuff, Rare," you whisper to her.
  223. >"You say that now, but any moment now they'll head back inside and he'll be hilted inside her, thrusting and growling and she'll be screaming his name in a hoarse voice, begging him to go faster!"
  224. "Uhh--"
  225. >Applejack clicks her tongue.
  226. >"Shoot, did we look at the roof?"
  227. >Anonymous frowns.
  228. >"Oh. No, we didn't."
  229. >"Do you have a minute?"
  230. >"Sure."
  231. >He holds open the barn door for her and she trots inside, the man following behind her. A heavy thud confirms it closing.
  232. >Rarity gasps, again right in your ear, and you wince.
  233. >"It's starting! Quickly Dashie, take us up to the roof! We have to stop them!"
  234. "They're just... fine."
  235. >You hook your legs around Rarity's midsection.
  236. >She ensnares you with gusto, burying her face in your neck, and with rolling eyes you dart up to the roof.
  237. >Sure enough, there's a skylight you can peer through.
  238. >Luckily, the man and the mare inside are gesturing at another part of the roof from the ground floor.
  239. >Rarity peeks over the edge of the skylight with you, licking her lips.
  240. >"Any moment now, be ready to intervene before it's too late."
  241. "Intervene how?"
  242. >"By making an entrance! By swooping down from on high just before their lips meet and declaring your undying love for him. Then you must claim him right there, in front of Applejack!"
  243. >Your reddened cheeks return. Rarity nods firmly.
  244. >"Oh you must, Rainbow, it's the only way to be certain. Show him that no simple farmpony, no matter how toned, broad, sweaty, alluring, hospitable, or firm - but with a gentle touch that belies years of experience - can match your own peak physical condition."
  245. >Her breath catches in her throat.
  246. >"But what if... what if Applejack -likes- that show of force? What if you both end up wrestling for him?"
  247. >You stare at your friend, her eyes are glued to the scene below, and if her lips were still she might have been drooling.
  248. >"Then Anonymous would have -two- keen, eager mares at his feet, and being the gentlecolt he is he wouldn't dare leave them unattended. The three of you would fall back onto one of the nicer haybales... maybe that one at the back, it's neater than the others-- and handle both of you. It would be brisk, exhaustive work, but he could keep up. He would have to. To please two mares as physically stunning as yourself and Applejack there is no other choice. And then when he's driving into Applejack, his turgid member throbbing and bludgeoning her womb, you would be momentarily uncared for, your own hoof between your legs desperately working yourself as you watch your friend, no, your -rival- getting the lion's share of the treatment. Have you failed? Were you not good enough?"
  249. "Rarity, what the hay?" you intone in disbelief.
  250. >"But salvation would come. Just as your spirit and heart start to break, you feel a delicate tongue graze your sensitive button. You look down to see Rarity lapping up your juices. Her eyes will lock onto yours. They are safe eyes. You are safe. You are loved. She will spread your legs apart and reassure you, no no, don't fret, you're in good hooves, she'll say. Rarity will give you the attention you deserve. You'll protest, as you don't like ponies touching your hooves, but Rarity will be oh so tender and you'll squeak and make those cute noises you make whenever getting pampered at the spa, and... wait, where did they go?"
  251. >You regard your friend with a deadpan expression.
  252. "They already left. You were talking forever."
  253. >"Was I? Oh. Ahh, well, we'll have to follow them then. Did you see where they went?"
  254. >Maybe asking Rarity for help was a mistake.
  255.  
  256. ---
  257.  
  258. >"O-oh, Anon! Th-th-this is... so sudden!"
  259. "I SAID I TRIPPED!!!"
  260. - Anonymous, regarding tripping over Fluttershy.
  261.  
  262. >"Anon, please may I have a glass of water?"
  263. "No."
  264. >"Why not?"
  265. "You're gonna do something weird if I do."
  266. >"I promise not to?"
  267. "That a real promise or one of your Flutter Promises™?"
  268. >"A real one."
  269. "Alright then. Here you go."
  270. >You plant a glass before her. She gasps and covers her mouth with a shocked expression.
  271. >"A-anon! You... you care about my hydration! I-I knew you loved me!"
  272. "Fucks SAKE."
  273.  
  274. >"Pass me that packet of seeds?"
  275. "Here you go-- wait shit--"
  276. >"Uwah! Y-you... are you implying that you want to fertilise my fields?!"
  277. "FUCKS SAKE."
  278.  
  279. >"Anon, I'm stuck, what's a four-letter word for 'a type of long, heavy woollen textile'?"
  280. "Uh... 'shag', I think."
  281. >You hang your head low.
  282. "God dammit."
  283. >"ANON! Are you saying want t-to shag me...?"
  284. "What are you, English now?"
  285.  
  286. >"Be careful bringing that milk bucket over here, the barn floor is kind of slippy--"
  287. "OUP--"
  288. >"Ahh!"
  289. "Shit, Applejack's gonna kill meee-what the hell are you doing."
  290. >"Anon you... you covered me in your white cream! And in Applejack's barn! So lewd!"
  291. "Keep your voice down and stop making things weird, Fluttershy!"
  292. >"What in tarnation's going on in there," a voice barks from outside, "are you two making goo-goo eyes at each other again? Do I need to get the hose?"
  293. "Nothing's happening, Applejack! I promise!"
  294. >The door opens and a disgruntled orange face glares into the cow-shed at you.
  295. >"Nothing my flank, why's Fluttershy kneeling in front of you covered in... what in the hay have you two been doing?!"
  296. "FOR FUCKS SAKE FLUTTERSHY."
  297.  
  298. >You stare at Fluttershy.
  299. >Your so-called 'friend'.
  300. >She stares back, just as warily.
  301. >You look down at the spread before you, then back to her.
  302. "Gonna have a nice picnic, alright?" you say carefully.
  303. >"Okay," she nods.
  304. "Nothing weird."
  305. >"Yup."
  306. "No moaning, no panting, no doing that thing where you stick your tongue out and do your best to look like you're having a stroke."
  307. >"Got it."
  308. "Just two... 'friends'... enjoying a nice meal together by a tree on a gorgeous summers day."
  309. >"Of course."
  310. "..."
  311. >"..."
  312. >You take a bite of your sandwich and grimace.
  313. "Please could you pass the mayonnaise?"
  314. >Both of you snap to looking at the innocent squeeze-bottle of mayo close to Fluttershy, the playful curved plastic now looking far more intimidating.
  315. >"What..." she wets her dried lips, "what do you need it for, Anon?"
  316. >You swallow.
  317. "Sandwich is a bit dry. Needs some moisture."
  318. >"Are you... sure?"
  319. "I think so."
  320. >"Alright, well, here you go."
  321. >She passes you the bottle with trembling hooves. You accept it with a trembling hand.
  322. >You pop the cap. It might as well have been a gunshot. Fluttershy leaps and you flinch too.
  323. >Point the nozzle at the open sandwich and mutter a quick prayer to Jesus. Then, you squeeze.
  324. >Nothing.
  325. >You shake it a bit and squeeze again.
  326. >Nothing.
  327. >Sweat runs down your forehead. Fluttershy is holding her breath, cheeks ballooned.
  328. >You hesitate before your next move and glance at her.
  329. >She catches your eye and you stare at each other for about ten seconds.
  330. >Then you look back to the sandwich, and with a grimace, slap the back of the mayo bottle.
  331. >It detonates like a hand grenade.
  332. >A cannon-blast of white obliterates the fragile bread and lettuce and lays you flat on your back.
  333. >Your whole front is white, as are most of the food items on the picnic blanket.
  334. >Fluttershy is also rocked back by the explosion; she lies like a fainting goat staring in stunned silence at the sky.
  335. >A shaking hoof trails down her belly, smearing mayo into her coat.
  336. >She brings it up to her face and dumbly regards it.
  337. >Then she sits up and stares at you, hoof still hovering near her mouth.
  338. "...No."
  339. >With a look like even she isn't aware what she's doing, she drags her tongue across her hoof, not breaking eye-contact with you.
  340. >"Anon you..."
  341. "It was going to be such a nice picnic."
  342. >"You sprayed your man-mayo all over me in this public area, kyaahh~!"
  343. "YOU WATCH TOO MUCH ANIME, FLUTTERSHY."
  344. >"BREED ME, ANON!"
  345.  
  346. >And that's how you both got banned from Sweet Apple Acres and the Park in the same week.
  347.  
  348. ---
  349.  
  350. >call me old fashioned but i'm a fluttershy man myself
  351. - Anonymous, regarding the old days
  352.  
  353. >"He's mine!" comes a bellow that echoes all around you, even with how far away you are from its source.
  354. >The air itself is torn like paper; it screams from the abuse.
  355. >A mirage-like shimmer unravels the world before your eyes and Eris slithers out of the distorted crease to body-check Celestia.
  356. >The Princess, her wings beating and horn thrumming with the primal might of the sun, obliterates the draconequus. Only ash remains, the macabre snowflakes drifting away.
  357. >Predictably, the ash quivers, swells, and reforms into its original snarling form.
  358. >With a roar and a harsh word, the battle revives.
  359.  
  360. >As the two titans brawl in the skies above Ponyville, Princess Luna grabs Twilight Sparkle with her magic and hurls the young alicorn through the brick side of a house.
  361. >The load-bearing wall collapses and the entire structure buckles, a hundred tonnes of brick and mortar and wooden beams folding in on itself and burying Twilight.
  362. >The rubble is still for half a breath before violet light fills its cracks and the tomb is exploded off its occupant.
  363. >Twilight stands heaving with a bloodied brow, glaring at the Princess of the Moon with nothing but hatred.
  364. >Her own horn sparks to life and she launches herself from the ruins.
  365. >Luna smirks and joins her in a vicious close-quarter beatdown.
  366. >A far cry from the sweeping aerial combat between Celestia and Eris above, the younger sister and faithful student bite and punch one another with no regard for their own safety.
  367. >Magically charged blows tear chunks out of them, but regenerative magics correct the damage instantaneously.
  368. >The ground is awash with gore and hunks of alicorn, neither combatant willing to surrender.
  369.  
  370. >Starlight Glimmer leaps over a low wall.
  371. >It was once Sugarcube Corner. Now it's a charred ruin.
  372. >The unicorn twists herself as she jumps, firing her horn back at an unknown assailant.
  373. >The assailant responds with a hissing shriek.
  374. >Queen Chrysalis instead opts to bulldoze straight through the same wall, bearing down on Starlight with characteristic venom in her eyes.
  375. >She bears a blast of energy to her chest, sickly green flesh throbs beneath her chitin as it's exposed to the air.
  376. >It's a necessary sacrifice. As is the second blow to her shoulder, and the third to her cheek.
  377. >Starlight screams as the changeling descends onto her diminutive form, and the screams become terrified pleas as the Queen sinks her fangs into the unicorn's jugular.
  378. >At the apex of her howling, Starlight floods her horn with every ounce of her power, and both she and Chrysalis are consumed in a blue fireball that engulfs the entire neighbourhood.
  379. >The battle around rages on.
  380.  
  381. *
  382.  
  383. >You watch all this unfold from your cottage outside town.
  384. >The roof, with its moss carpet and wild-flower arrangements, provides pleasant-enough cushioning under your bottom, sat upright as you are.
  385. >A deep sigh draws your attention from the distant combat and you lower your binoculars.
  386. >You give your companion a sympathetic smile.
  387. "Are you alright?"
  388. >"I'm fine," Anonymous says. "Just tired."
  389. "Would you like to go to bed? W-we could cuddle?"
  390. >"Not like that, Fluttershy. I mean in general."
  391. >He gestures at the firestorm devouring the district where Starlight had just detonated.
  392. >"It's just... excessive."
  393. "I know."
  394. >He shakes his head and continues to fiddle with his chocolate bar. You gave it to him a while ago but he hasn't touched it. Instead he's turning it over in his fingers, too distracted to even open the wrapper.
  395. >"How did we get here?"
  396. "Well I flew up, you used the ladders--"
  397. >"How did we get -here-, you idiot," he nods at Ponyville without looking at you.
  398. "I guess everyone else just wanted to join in."
  399. >"Join in with what? Trying to get in my pants?"
  400. >Eris unmakes reality. A black void eclipses the skies above Ponyville and tendrils of some unknowable beast reach down to strike the combatants.
  401. >Celestia delves into powers no one knew she had and, awash in divine radiance, she dispels the darkness.
  402. >Her entire form is wreathed in plasma, her mane now burning so white hot you have to squint to look at her, even from all the way over here.
  403. >With another swell of magic Eris is reduced to atoms. With another defiant roar she returns even angrier than ever. She collides with Celestia again, her body regenerating as fast as it dissolves in the mare's incandescent aura.
  404. >Anonymous looks on, despairingly.
  405. >"What the hell does any of this have to do with me?"
  406. "I'm, um, not sure. But it's pretty to look at?"
  407. >"Pretty."
  408. "Okay it's actually super scary and I'm glad you're here with me otherwise I'd be inside crying-- but other than that it's pretty!"
  409. >"I miss the old days."
  410. "Before you came to Equestria?"
  411. >"Oh, that, yeah, Earth was great too, I had a decent life. I mean more the first year or so I was here. It was just you and me. You used to pick my locks when I was out, sneak in, make me lunch with a little love letter. Or you'd wear -way- too much perfume after you overheard me talking to Rarity about how I like women that smell nice."
  412. "I remember that."
  413. >"What were you wearing? It was like, every fruit under the sun."
  414. "It was, um, apples, bananas, lemons, grapes... persimmons? Pineapples? I think peach, passion fruit--"
  415. >"Basically you smelled like an entire fruit basket."
  416. "But you didn't like it."
  417. >"I couldn't smell for a week. You blew out my sense of smell. Wasn't aware that could happen."
  418. >You give him a wistful smile.
  419. "I sorta miss those days too. Hey! Remember that boating trip?"
  420. >He snorts.
  421. >"That wasn't a boating trip. At most it was a raft."
  422. "It was a boat! A bright yellow one!"
  423. >"It was an inflatable dinghy, hardly worthy of being called a boat."
  424. "Still looked like one. But we had such a nice time on it."
  425. >"I had a nice time until you showed up dressed like a shark. What was it again--"
  426. "Are shark attacks your fetish?" you both say in unison, then giggle to each other.
  427. >You fall quiet. In the interim another explosion rocks the earth. Luna crushes Twilight under a meteorite called from the heavens, only to realise it was a clone at the last minute. Twilight appears beside Luna in a flash and skewers her right in the chest with her horn.
  428. >The shock of all this wore off thirty minutes ago. At this point you're watching to see what happens.
  429. >"Hey," he says after a while.
  430. >You look to him with a small smile, centering yourself as you do so.
  431. >Amidst all the madness, it's easy to forget the simple things.
  432. >Like how handsome he is.
  433. >His eyes are lovely, and you've always been a fan of his little nose, which you'll always take every opportunity to boop, despite how much he hates it.
  434. >His hand has a little scar on it from when you tried knife-throwing.
  435. >The doctors weren't happy with you for that one. Nor were the police. Anon especially, for obvious reasons.
  436. >His lips move, but you can only think about the few times you've been able to steal a kiss.
  437. >Romance was never something you'd explored before he arrived. The touch of your lips against his is electric, and each time you manage to get away with it it's something you never want to end.
  438. >Your thoughts wander to a fantasy you often have - the two of you wrapped in each other's arms on your bed, kissing each other.
  439. >You sigh, lost in those eyes once more.
  440. >He knocks on the top of your head with his knuckles.
  441. >"Hey, anyone home?"
  442. >You blink and come to.
  443. "Huh? Oh, sorry. Wanna practice kissing?"
  444. >"Gross. I was saying we should get away from here."
  445. "Away-- Oh, would you like to go inside? I could make us some tea if you'd like, then we could read books on the sofa. A-and porn magazines. Not that I'd assume you'd want to read those. The articles are kind of bad. Unless you do. The pictures are nice. I have them, that's all I'm saying. Just in case. Not that you need them, just thought I'd mention that I have them, um..."
  446. >He gives you a flat look.
  447. >"I mean in general. We should go abroad on a holiday, somewhere warm. Just you and me."
  448. "You... -want- to go away with me?"
  449. >"Sure, why not?"
  450. "Not that I'm complaining, I'm really not, but you spend most of your time trying to get away from me."
  451. >"Fluttershy, I'm asking if you want to go on holiday with me, not go on a honeymoon. You didn't seriously think-- of course you were."
  452. >You guiltily shrug, and your mind immediately concocts twelve different fantasies involving you, Anon, sandy beaches, and hotel bedrooms.
  453. >He looks back to the localised apocalypse.
  454. >Princess Cadance, who hadn't been seen in a while, grabs Queen Umbra, who you'd forgotten had even joined the fray, and attempts to tear her in two with her magic.
  455. >The Queen dissolves into black mist to escape the magical clutches, only to become corporeal again and drive a spike of black crystal into the heart of the Princess of Love.
  456. >Cadance, like every other alicorn it seems, merely snarls and shrugs this off, and a fresh battle begins between the two arch-enemies. Pillars of obsidian burst from the earth, and Ponyville takes on a new aesthetic alongside 'firestorm' and 'rubble'.
  457. >You nod, shuffling closer to him.
  458. >For once, he doesn't push you away.
  459. "So just us?"
  460. >"Just us. You in?"
  461. "How could I say no?"
  462. >"Well, you -are- paying for it."
  463. >You do a double-take, but give him a weak laugh.
  464. "O-of course, if you want me to--"
  465. >"I was kidding, god you're a push-over. We'll split it fifty-fifty."
  466. >He sticks out his hand and you both shake.
  467. >Satisfied, you lean your head against his arm and you go back to watching Hell itself unfold in your fair town.
  468. "Anon?"
  469. >"Hm?"
  470. "I hope this doesn't ruin the moment, but would you say no to having sex on the roof? I-I'm just saying, if you want to. Just thought you might be frustrated and want to vent a little, given everything that's been happening lately. We don't have to do anything to crazy, just in and out real quick. Just the tip. Maybe more than the tip. The whole shaft? J-just to see how much I can fit inside me."
  471. >"Fluttershy," he wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls you tight against him, "you're romantically retarded, but I love you. Platonically."
  472. >That's probably the closest thing you're going to get to a compliment from him, so you decide to cut your losses and accept it before he takes it back.
  473. >With that, you both go back to watching Ponyville get turned to glass.
  474.  
  475. ---
  476.  
  477. The above, continued.
  478.  
  479. >Coconut drinks are overrated.
  480. >The shell is never large enough to qualify it as a satisfying drink, and the contents are tainted by the inner-lining of the coconut, flavouring whatever you're drinking to always have that hint of coconuttiness.
  481. >Even so, you can't deny that the beach and warm air are nice.
  482. >You sip though the straw again, watching the waves lap at the sands.
  483. >Each one is a lullaby, a gentle hush that beckons you that much closer to sleep.
  484. >Your eyelids grow heavy and your chin touches your chest.
  485. >You'll just rest your eyes for a moment, nothing too...
  486. >"Are you having fun, Anon?"
  487. >You jerk awake again - an involuntary response ingrained in you from years of ascribing 'danger' to the sound of her voice.
  488. "Having a blast, Fluttershy," you say with a yawn. "Just dozing off."
  489. >"O-oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Please go right ahead. I'll keep watch so that no one can disturb you."
  490. >From her own deckchair beside you she gives you her sweetest smile.
  491. >You look back, deadpan. She'll be all over you the moment the first snore is heard.
  492. "I can stay awake a bit longer."
  493. >"But we're on vacation, it's the perfect time to catch up on zees."
  494. "If I'm going to 'catch up on zees' I'll do it in my hotel bedroom." She nods. "With the door locked," you add, and she frowns.
  495. >"I keep saying we could save money if we roomed together. Just us in the same bed. You know, to save on space and heating, since our body heat can keep each other warm. Under the covers. Together."
  496. "Subtle."
  497. >She flops onto her back and stares at the sky.
  498. >"Well if we're not going to explore each other's bodies and I can't have access to my regular midnight snack, what's the point of being here?"
  499. "To relax? Non-sexually?"
  500. >She whines. It's a low, aggravating sound.
  501. >"For two whole weeks? I didn't even bring any, um, personal things."
  502. "You have clothes and whatnot though, I saw your bags."
  503. >"Yes, but, I didn't pack some other stuff because I thought, you know..."
  504. "That we'd be sleeping in different rooms with our hands and hooves on top of the covers like the good, pure-hearted people we are?" you finish for her.
  505. >She blinks, looking at you as if that was the stupidest thing you've ever said.
  506. >You narrow your own eyes.
  507. "Hang on, back up, what do you mean 'regular midnight snack'--"
  508. >Just as you're putting the pieces together, there's an earthquake.
  509. >At least, something that feels like one.
  510. >A wall of sand rises before you, only to drift down and away, unveiling a fresh crater in the beach down the slope.
  511. >A figure stands at its base, glaring over the lip of the dune directly at you.
  512. >Or more specifically, at Fluttershy.
  513. >The figure's mane burns with the brightness of the sun. Her eyes are aflame and coat awash with ethereal plasma.
  514. >The sun above is hot, but it's a summer breeze compared to the newcomer's aura.
  515. >Princess Celestia steps out of the crater and marches towards you, each hoofstep calcifying the sand beneath her.
  516. >The temperature rises with her approach until you're sweating bullets, though not just because of the heat.
  517. >Fluttershy doesn't react, regarding the coming solar storm with a tight-lipped expression.
  518. >The Princess towers over you both, her shadow casting you in shade.
  519. "Uh. Hi."
  520. >"Hello, my love," her voice echoes from five places at once.
  521. >She turns to Fluttershy.
  522. >"You."
  523. >Fluttershy taps her hooves together and gives her a grin.
  524. >"Uh, hello, Princess. Wh-what brings you to this nice beach resort?"
  525. >"For seven days and six nights I fought the dread beast Eris until by my hoof she met her ultimate end. I have come to claim my prize as the one and true goddess of this world."
  526. >Fluttershy nods as if she'd just been remarking on the weather.
  527. >"So, um. Anon and I were thinking, d-don't get mad, but we were thinking that maybe this whole 'everyone else getting involved' thing maybe went too far."
  528. >Celestia stares at her subject unblinking. What you had previously thought were her irises would better be described as miniature stars, nuclear wrath boiling within them.
  529. >"It's just that, for the longest time, it was sort of -our- thing. I would see Anon, he'd pretend he doesn't love me, we'd run around for a while, I'd go home, spend two hours minimum bulldozing my own soaking pussy with various toys and screaming his name, and we'd do it all over again the next week. Y-you know. Normal stuff like that."
  530. >She shrugs.
  531. >"But then you and everyone else started getting involved a-and I just feel like it's gotten out of control. It's no longer about the simple stuff, it's got all these super-powerful ponies involved along with their freaky world-breaking Ponyville-burning mind-warping magic when it used to just be about..."
  532. >She glances at you, then at herself, then gestures at Celestia's billowing mane, which is difficult to look at since it's giving off so much light.
  533. >"Just about little old me. I-I'm nothing special, I'm just Fluttershy. I live in a cottage and like animals. I like tea and quiet music and soft blankets. I'm just... me."
  534. >Celestia still hasn't blinked.
  535. >"You are inferior, is what you're saying," she announces after a moment's thought. "You are utterly insignificant and not worthy of Anonymous' attention. Is that what you're attempting to mumble?"
  536. >"Y-you're a lot meaner like this, Princess."
  537. >"And why shouldn't I be? I've restrained myself for far too long. I deserve happiness do I not? A chance to unwind? When I marry Anonymous, our lovemaking will be legendary. The pillars of the earth will tremble with each titanic thrust. He will sire a thousand demi-god foals, and Equestria will witness the rise of a new master-race. Beyond alicorns. Beyond anything this world has yet seen."
  538. >Fluttershy raises her hoof as if to ask her teacher a question.
  539. >"A-and that, don't you think you're overdoing it a teeeny tiny bit? He's not, um, that big."
  540. >Your head snaps to her.
  541. "You what, mate."
  542. >Celestia cocks an eyebrow.
  543. >"W-well I'm just saying. Have you ever -seen- him naked, Princess?"
  544. >The alicorn snorts, her eyes drifting to you, drawing up and down your body, and back to Fluttershy.
  545. >"I cannot say I have, but I don't see why that's important."
  546. >"It's just that, he's not quite as big as regular stallions."
  547. "Excuse me--"
  548. >"He's actually kind of pathetic down there, and it looks weird. There's no flare or medial ring, just this gross purple mushroom thing. It's like a fungus."
  549. >Celestia's mane darkens slightly. The oppressive heat of her body's plasma fading somewhat.
  550. >"More than that," Fluttershy continues, pointedly ignoring you glaring at the side of her face. "He's a quick-shot as well."
  551. >"A quick-shot?" Celestia echoes.
  552. >"Oh yes. The few times I've been able to get him hard enough to be inside me, he came immediately. Within seconds. Maybe less time than that. There's really nothing to work with, plus he makes a really ugly face when he cums."
  553. >"Oh," Celestia frowns, her light fading to the point where she's plainly visible.
  554. >Her aurora mane has returned, and she gives you a disappointed look.
  555. >You don't care. Instead, you're trying to explode Fluttershy's brain with your mind.
  556. >"So really," the pegasus concludes, "you're wasting your time. He has no length, no girth, no stamina, he's actually kind of boring since he has no hobbies aside from complaining about stuff, he was never all that great on his home planet and he was basically a loser before he came to Equestria. Plus he looks freaky, I mean he -is- an alien, and sex with him is awkward what with the size differences and angles and stuff."
  557. >Silence.
  558. >Even the waves seem to have stopped to listen.
  559. >The breeze has died.
  560. >Celestia looks between you and the yellow demon.
  561. >"Then I only have one question," she says finally, her voice having returned to its normal resonance. "What do you see in him, Fluttershy?"
  562. >"Oh. Uhh." Fluttershy glances around looking for an excuse before putting on her widest grin and shrugging one final time. "I'm a deviant and a pervert and my parents are ashamed of me?"
  563. >...
  564. >Celestia nods.
  565. >"Yes, I can see that now. Well, I'd better head back to Canterlot then. Thank you for advising me, Fluttershy, I hope you enjoy the rest of your, ah, 'honeymoon' with... him." She gives you a pitying look before her wings snap open and she launches into the sky.
  566. >Fluttershy waves after her with a big smile.
  567. >She then looks back to you, clapping her hooves excitedly.
  568. >"I did it! I made her go away..." she trails off. "Are you alright?"
  569. >Your face is contorted into the purest expression of rage you can muster.
  570. >"You look stressed. W-would you like a back massage? Or a dick massage? With my mouth? I could massage you with my mouth? Please could I do that? I think I deserve something for getting you out of that."
  571. "I'm going back to my room," you say at last and stand to leave.
  572. >"C-can I come with you? Come on, I made her go away! You'd be toast by now otherwise!"
  573. "Why would you want to do that? I'm pathetic, aren't I?"
  574. >"That was just to make her leave you alone!"
  575. >You fold your arms and look around, trying to appear like you aren't self-conscious.
  576. "...Then you don't mean all that stuff?"
  577. >"Anon, I think your weird alien junk is nice. Super nice."
  578. "..."
  579. >"..."
  580. "Alright, come on then, but this -isn't- a honeymoon, and we're -not- sharing rooms after this."
  581. >"Will you leave your door unlocked at night at least?"
  582. "...Fine."
  583. >"Yay!"
  584.  
  585. ---
  586.  
  587. "back to basics. a return to form. miss that little yellow devil sometimes"
  588. - Anonymous
  589.  
  590. >Ten weeks.
  591. >You stare at the ceiling in a strange sort of trance.
  592. >The routine you religiously lived your life by until now has been disrupted.
  593. >Where once there was structure there is now...
  594. "Blugh."
  595. >You make the noise if only to give yourself something to listen to.
  596. >The house has been so, so quiet.
  597. >You roll off the sofa and land on the floor by the coffee table, but there's no face watching you from under it.
  598. >She liked to hide under things.
  599. >You drag yourself off the floor, but you're not sure why.
  600. >There doesn't seem to be much point in doing anything.
  601. >You don't work anyway, so it's not like there was a -reason- to get up, but rise and shine you always did at the crack of dawn.
  602. >Circumstances demanded that you stay one step ahead, but the conspicuous absence of what you now understand to be the pillar of your life has left you, so...
  603. >Well. Here you stand before the little shaving mirror you keep in your bedroom.
  604. >A bedraggled mess of a man stares back at you, baggy eyes and a fortnight of beard spread across a wrinkled face.
  605. >If you shaved you'd look fresh as a daisy, but what's the point.
  606. >Your eyes drift to the newspaper filing taped to the wall beside the mirror.
  607. >One of several - you like collecting headlines and snippets of note - but there's only one you care about anymore.
  608. >' Caged Kindness - Element of Harmony sentenced to five years for attempted rape! '
  609. >' Betrayal of Equestrian values; are video games to blame? (Page 3) '
  610. >-Was- it attempted rape?
  611. >Looking back you remember struggling and shouting a whole lot, but was it -really- that bad?
  612. >You remember getting animated in the courtroom, and the number of eyewitnesses certainly helped your case.
  613. >But now that you've had over two months to think about it all, you can't say you hated it, or her, that much.
  614. >You plod downstairs again and sit by the window, gazing up at a distant Canterlot.
  615. >Somewhere in there she's serving her time.
  616. >You look away, your only companion in the suffocating silence the steady ticking from your aged clock.
  617. >She'll be missing you too, won't she?
  618.  
  619. *
  620.  
  621. >Ten weeks.
  622. >A pile of disgusting grey sludge is dumped on your tray, and you hurry along the line towards the next step of the cafeteria chain.
  623. >Flimsy steamed carrots and tasteless cabbage join your goop, and you seat yourself in the far corner away from all the other inmates again.
  624. >It's an Equestrian prison, so it's not like anyone in here is -really- bad. Most inmates stick to themselves, though a few make friends. But not you.
  625. >When word got out about why you were in here, they started keeping their distance.
  626. >No need to risk angering or getting in the way of one of Equestria's most hardened criminals.
  627. >You glance at yourself in the window, the faint reflection of a messy mare - a hardened criminal - with a frizzy mane swept back in a ponytail stares at you.
  628. >Did you really deserve this?
  629. >He was screaming a whole lot, and that punch to the face definitely sent you reeling, but he can't have been -that- mad.
  630. >Though he certainly whipped the jury into a frenzy with his courtroom antics.
  631. >You'd like to say you were upset with how harsh he was, but seeing him gesture and proclaim so passionately, with such vigour, such masculine fervour...
  632. >Frankly, you were wetter than Rainbow Falls watching him then, and even now you're getting worked up thinking about it.
  633. >It's a small blessing you were given a single cell away from the others - it gives you the privacy to vent your frustrations.
  634. >Your eyes look away from the reflection and into the basin below Canterlot.
  635. >A small town lies nestled between the Canterhorn river and the Everfree Forest.
  636. >He'll be down there now.
  637. >What will he be doing? Perhaps he's jogging in the park. It's usually this time he likes to go for a run - always trying to keep himself fit to fend you off.
  638. >It's a meagre hope, more of a spark than an ember, but...
  639. >Maybe he misses you too?
  640.  
  641. *
  642.  
  643. >You sit on the park bench next to her bush.
  644. >"Her" bush. You smile.
  645. >It's the one she loved to sit in when watching you read.
  646. >You could usually tell she was in there when the wind shifted and you could smell mare.
  647. >Never even knew what a mare smelled like until she started doing what she did.
  648. >She's introduced you to so much. Brought Equestria's culture, its food, its music, right to your doorstep.
  649. >Not for some sad attempt at nationalistic proselytising, but for you.
  650. >She did it all for you. Right from the word go.
  651. >About now you'd be jogging, staying healthy because of her, but there's not much point doing so when you won't have a reason to run.
  652. >Some ponies keep looking at you.
  653. >Some shake their heads, others try to say hi and ask you how you're doing.
  654. >All of them think you're still dealing with the shock of what happened.
  655. >Equestria's worst crime in a century. That sort of thing just doesn't happen here.
  656. >Up until now the worst crime was a stallion opening a tab in every bar in Equestria and not paying any of them.
  657. >His punishment? He had to pay it all back. That's it.
  658. >In a way, she was a pioneer. A visionary.
  659. >Equestria wasn't ready for her brilliance, so of course they were going to shun her.
  660. >If she was here now, what would she be doing?
  661. >Likely cooking up some brilliant new scheme, something to keep you on your toes.
  662. >Something to keep you running.
  663. >But she isn't here.
  664. >So instead you sit. Staying still and getting fatter.
  665.  
  666. *
  667.  
  668. >You might have gone crazy if they hadn't given you your papers and crayons.
  669. >Thankfully, a smile and a kind word convinced them of your innocent intentions.
  670. >But here in your cell your hoof moves in a sinful blur.
  671. >Not tending to your flower for once, but in drafting your designs.
  672. >Inspiration. A drive. Motivation for future plans.
  673. >You couldn't keep them bottled up inside, you had to get them out.
  674. >A stack five-dozen pages high sits beside you, all dressed in your blossoming schemes.
  675. >But a hundred pages yet remain, and you fear it won't be enough to contain your imagination.
  676. >The walls may need to become your canvas.
  677. >Traps, manoeuvres, conversation-starters and ice-breakers.
  678. >It's all flooding into you from an unknown source.
  679. >Perhaps the grey walls, grey guards, and grey uniforms have triggered something in you?
  680. >Some knee-jerk response, a desperate need for colour.
  681. >In the absence of real colours, the colours of your mind would have to suffice.
  682. >A giggle escapes you. You couldn't stop it.
  683. >And why should you?
  684. >More break out, and soon you're laughing, your joy ringing off the walls and door.
  685. >Perhaps the other inmates can hear you. Maybe the guards as well.
  686. >They don't matter. All that matters is what you've got planned.
  687. >You have such sights to show him.
  688.  
  689. *
  690.  
  691. >No one ever asks questions around here.
  692. >You took a train out of town one day and no one stops you.
  693. >You ride up to Canterlot and head for the city hall and no one asks why.
  694. >You request to visit the architectural department and you're escorted to it with a smile.
  695. >You inquire after the plans for Canterlot Prison and they're given to you wrapped in a neat red bow.
  696. >Here you sit at a desk to small for you with a sheet of tracing paper and some pencils, humming to yourself as you copy the blueprints.
  697. >Thanks to the transparency of this place, you even know what cell-block she'll be in. The one for 'maximum security' prisoners.
  698. >You smile and scratch your smooth face.
  699. >Shaving became necessary when you realised your path.
  700. >You'll have to look your best, can't be doing letting her see you've gone soft.
  701.  
  702. *
  703.  
  704. >The guards have such a predictable rotation.
  705. >And your smile is so sweet.
  706. >A request for additional work, a track record of good behaviour, and a few days in the carpentry workshop.
  707. >That's all it took, and now you sit in your cell with a shard of shaped metal angled to serve as a pick.
  708. >All you need to do is wait until the guards change over in fifteen minutes.
  709.  
  710. *
  711.  
  712. >From what you've observed this week, the guard at the back door of the carpentry workshop will rotate out in a little while.
  713. >When he does, you'll have a clear run across the courtyard.
  714. >For ponies these walls might be high, but for an ape-descendant they're child's play.
  715. >So here you perch - more like lounge - waiting for the yawning stallion by the door to check his watch one final time and head inside.
  716.  
  717. *
  718.  
  719. >Perhaps after all this is done you should get into security, sun knows you're not going to find work as an animal handler ever again.
  720. >The locks on all these doors, even your own cell, are far too easily overcome, though it must be said you've had plenty of practice letting yourself into a certain someone's home before.
  721. >You could offer some tips as an 'insider'.
  722. >That could get you a lot of bits. Bits you could spend on him. All for him. Always for him.
  723. >You smile.
  724. >You'll be seeing him soon, you feel it in your gut.
  725.  
  726. *
  727.  
  728. >The workshop is almost amusing.
  729. >Most things involving ponies are, and these tiny carpentry tools and saws are no different.
  730. >Still, you have a route to follow, can't be doing getting distracted.
  731. >You open the door at the far end, and...
  732.  
  733. *
  734.  
  735. >You stare at him.
  736. >His eyes, his captivating eyes, are locked onto yours.
  737. >But he doesn't look shocked. It's like he's happy to see you.
  738. >You can barely contain yourself when he sweeps you off your hooves and holds you close; is this a dream?
  739. >A cruel dream indeed, to taunt you with the one thing you've always wanted.
  740. >Yet his lips against your forehead confirm that it must be real.
  741. >You don't ask him why. It's not necessary. His expression tells you everything you need to know.
  742. >He even takes your stack of papers and pockets them.
  743. >There are shouts coming down the corridor, but you don't hear them.
  744. >All you see is him.
  745. >Him, and his brilliant smile.
  746.  
  747. *
  748.  
  749. >' Kindness Uncaged - Element of Harmony escapes prison with outside aid, suspect at large! '
  750. >' Previous victim disappears, law enforcement baffled; are video games to blame? (Page 3) '
  751.  
  752. ---
  753.  
  754. ">"Oh? Are MILFs your fetish?"
  755. - Anonymous, regarding MILFs.
  756.  
  757. >You look from one pony to the other.
  758. >Fluttershy, looking nervous as always, and an unknown mare.
  759. >"Anonymous, this is, um, my mother."
  760. >"Good morning, dear. You can call me Posey."
  761. >You blink, momentarily stunned by the dominating presence of sensual maternal fertility the mare is emanating just from her half-lidded expression.
  762. >Fluttershy clears her throat.
  763. >"Are, uh, MILFs your fetish?"
  764. >Posey doesn't seem to fazed by her daughter's statement. If anything she looks intrigued.
  765. >Which is fine by you, as you reach down and pick her off the floor, hoisting her into your arms.
  766. "They are. Thank you for delivering her, Fluttershy, I'll try and give her back in one piece."
  767. >"Oh, don't hold back on my account, I've had two children already, I can take a beating," Posey whispers in your ear.
  768. >You suck in a deep breath and march back inside, slamming the door behind you.
  769. >Upstairs, Fluttershy is hovering outside your window, politely knocking on it as you and her mother rock the bed and shake the walls from your shouts and ecstatic screams.
  770. >"Um, Anon?" she calls. "C-can you please stop? You're supposed to be doing me... uh, m-my dad won't... oh, no, please don't put your wiener in her mouth like that--"
  771. >Another figure joins her, a worried looking stallion.
  772. >"Fluttershy? Where's your moth-- Is that... Oh. That's... Posey."
  773. >"Dad, please don't look! I didn't mean for this to happen!"
  774. >"E-excuse me, sir?" He taps on the window. "Please could I have my wife back? She's not, um, yours, w-well I mean I guess we could share if you're intent on... oh dear."
  775. >"O-oh. That's her... butt..." Fluttershy winces.
  776. >The two of them fall silent, but they certainly don't look away as you claim Mrs Shy, who grunts like an animal and screams at you to rut her until her hips break.
  777. >The whole damned family's full of weirdos.
  778.  
  779. ---
  780.  
  781. "you needa bump, FR"
  782. Anonymous, along with a picture of Fluttershy's rump. Rump actually rhymes with bump. I bet you didn't know that, did you? Well, now you do. Who says these pastes can't be educational?
  783.  
  784. >Rainbow Dash nudges your arm and nods at something to your left.
  785. >"Check it out."
  786. >A quick glance shows you the back-end of Ponyville's own Element of Kindness.
  787. >She's leaning over a bridge railing and bouncing away to the music of a distant band in the park.
  788. >Her tail raises along with her haunches, giving you a fine view of what's underneath.
  789. >You wince and look away, not wanting the sight of horse genitals to sour your drink and bar-peanuts.
  790. >Dash watches your reaction with close interest.
  791. >"Really?" She says with an air of genuine curiosity. She rests her head on her hoof and scrutinises you, as if seeing you for the first time.
  792. "What?"
  793. >"You know how hot she is, right?"
  794. "Fluttershy?"
  795. >"Duh."
  796. "Maybe for a pony."
  797. >Dash sips her soda pensively. Or as pensively as a pony who isn't sure how 'pensively' is spelt can.
  798. >"Weird."
  799. "Why? I'm not from around here, I don't do... well, you."
  800. >She hides a small smile with a cough.
  801. >"Maybe not me, I know I'm not every stallion's mug of cider, but it's -Fluttershy-."
  802. "And you're -Rainbow Dash-. Saying it like that isn't gonna change my mind."
  803. >"Sorry. But like... look, who's a really good looking human where you're from?"
  804. "Uh..."
  805. >"Just really attractive, someone you'd have the hots for."
  806. "Maybe Audrey Hepburn?"
  807. >Dash snickers, doing a poor job of covering her mouth.
  808. "What? She was attractive--"
  809. >"No, her name. Really? Is that how other humans are called? Ordree Hepurn?"
  810. "Oh shut up, your resident nerd is called 'Twilight Sparkle', you don't get off saying anything about my people's naming conventions."
  811. >"It's still kinda funny."
  812. "Racist."
  813. >"Still funny."
  814. >You jab her in the arm, but give her a grin to show her there are no hard feelings.
  815. >She giggles and shuffles closer to you, sucking on her straw some more before pointing at Fluttershy again.
  816. >"Well that's Fluttershy. She's like Ordy Heborn. She's one of the most attractive mares in Ponyville-- no, Equestria, even."
  817. "Really?" You glance again at Fluttershy's bouncing rear, only now noticing the dozen or so stallions stood at varying distances behind her and near you, eyes all glued to her with slackened jaws and hind legs crossed or bent to hide their erections. "That?"
  818. >Dash snorts.
  819. >"Yeah, -her-. So what gives? You really don't find that attractive?"
  820. "Nope."
  821. >"Are you gay?"
  822. "Watch it."
  823. >"What? Nothing wrong with being gay, it's a serious question. She's crazy hot and she's coco for you. A lot of stallions would probably commit actual murder to be where you are."
  824. "Good for them, but I don't want anything to do with her. She's weird."
  825. >"So are you, though."
  826. "How am I weird?"
  827. >"You serious? Dude, you walk around wearing clothes like, -all the time-."
  828. "It's a human thing."
  829. >"Yeah, exactly, it's super weird. Plus you've got the whole fingers and toes thing going on, and you have that cooky accent."
  830. "My accent's not cooky... is it?"
  831. >"Uh, in a good way! I mean it's hard to get used to, but after you do it's sort of okay to listen to."
  832. >She furrows her brow at you and pokes you in the chest.
  833. >"Hey, don't give me that look, you're one of my best friends, I wouldn't hang out with you if I didn't think you were cool in some way."
  834. "Thanks, I think."
  835. >"But this is weird even for you. It's..." she gives her friend a long look, her face struggling with a thought before letting out an exasperated noise. "Eugh, it's -Fluttershy-! Come on!"
  836. "What's your point here, Dash? You're not wingmanning for her, are you?"
  837. >She's sucking on her straw as you say this, and immediately snorts some down the wrong hole. You spend the next half-minute slapping her on the back as she coughs it back up.
  838. >"Wh-what? No! I-I'd never do that, that would be lame. Shy doesn't need my help getting a coltfriend. She didn't ask me to ask you at all, why would you say that? Shut up, Anon."
  839. >She tries to stick the straw back in her mouth as nonchalantly as she can, but jams it up her nostril instead.
  840. >Not knowing how to salvage things, she leaves it at that and gives you a look like she wanted to stick a straw up her nose the whole time.
  841. "...Right. Well, if you -were- doing it, not saying you are, I'd have to reaffirm that I do -not- find her, or any other pony, attractive."
  842. >Dash's shoulders slump.
  843. >"Fine..."
  844. "Except Granny Smith. Mare's got an ass that won't quit."
  845. >You glance at Dash.
  846. >She's staring at you in open-mouthed horror.
  847. >You stay tight-lipped until her look of unfettered revulsion draws a snicker from you.
  848. "Kidding, Dash, Jesus, I'm not -that- bad."
  849. >She nods shakily and rubs your back with a hoof as if to check you're still physically there.
  850. >"G-good, don't scare me like that, Anon."
  851. >You reach over and pluck the tainted straw from her drink and hand her a new one from the outdoor bar's display.
  852. "So can we consider this a closed issue?"
  853. >"Alright, I'll concede for now."
  854. "Ooh, concede, fancy word."
  855. >"I'll hit you."
  856. >She grins. You grin back.
  857. >You go back to people-watching. More specifically, how many stallions are currently watching Fluttershy bounce her ass around without any knowledge of what sort of attention she's bringing to herself.
  858. >Currently, you're counting twenty-one.
  859. >If she knew, would she have a heart attack, a panic attack, or both?
  860. >You smile at the thought.
  861. >Dash nudges you again.
  862. "What's up?"
  863. >"Just out of curiosity..."
  864. "I said no, Dash."
  865. >"Come on, this is the last one, promise."
  866. >She rattles her soda. It's empty so she pushes it away, disappointed.
  867. >"What kind of girls -do- you like? I mean human-wise. Are they all like Osprey Hobor?"
  868. "Not all. She was beautiful, sure, but I like girls that are feisty, have a bit of fight in them, you know? I've liked tomboys for the longest time."
  869. >You gaze off into space, daydreaming about a girl you once knew in college. Flat as a board, hair shorter than yours, meanest right-hook you'd ever seen on a woman. Used to do combat sports just because she liked having an excuse to kick stuff. When you found out she was engaged you nearly cried.
  870. >Dash has gone quiet. You look down at her.
  871. "You okay?"
  872. >She's also gone very red.
  873. >"I-I like fighting things."
  874. "You sure do. What's your point?"
  875. >"I'm uh, feisty. I'm the feistiest gal in Ponyville!"
  876. "Yeah, I'd say so."
  877. >"So, um..."
  878. >You both stare at each other for a while, and you decide to play along.
  879. >Glancing over your shoulder, you look back to her.
  880. >Then you wet your lips, and make a show of sizing her up.
  881. >She shifts in her seat so that her front is facing you. Her mouth is hanging open slightly, eyes wide.
  882. >You lean down, your own lips parting.
  883. >Her eyes flutter close and she leans in, a single 'oh my gosh' muttered under her breath as she does so.
  884. >You come close enough to actually kissing her before--
  885. "You're also a pony."
  886. >Her eyes snap open with a scowl and she thumps you on the arm as hard as she can as you laugh at her.
  887. >It'll bruise, but it was worth it.
  888. >With a final guttural groan and an "asshole", she launches herself off her seat and takes off. You pay the bartender for both drinks and wander off, your hands in your pockets.
  889. >It wouldn't be as funny if she wasn't so obvious with her feelings.
  890. >Teasing her is too easy.
  891.  
  892. ---
  893.  
  894. "Ive literally been waiting years for Rararape greens. Bless you."
  895. - Anonymous
  896.  
  897. >The first indication that something is wrong isn't that you're tied to your bed.
  898. >It's that the rope binding you isn't rope at all, but lengths of silk.
  899. >Fluttershy would never use something so expensive for her tricks.
  900. >Your bedroom lights flick on and you look down at your body. Still wearing clothes? That's new.
  901. >You sniff the air. Perfume. Roses? That's not Fluttershy's normal fragrance. She prefers Animalė dû Caca.
  902. >"Ah, there we are."
  903. >Rarity sits attentively on the seat beside you.
  904. >Her posture is straight, her patient gaze set upon you. Her mascara is ever so slightly smudged, as if it had been smeared an hastily reapplied.
  905. >On that note, she's wearing a lot more make-up than she normally does.
  906. >You swallow and check the room again, maybe Fluttershy is lurking in one of the corners?
  907. >Nothing. It's only Rarity.
  908. >You look back to her.
  909. "I'm confused," you admit.
  910. >"Yes, well, you're not the only one," her tone is measured. A pessimist might say restrained.
  911. >She checks herself in a handheld mirror and touches up her maroon lipstick.
  912. >"Confusion has been my default state for quite some time. Would you like to know why?"
  913. >It sounds rhetorical so you don't answer.
  914. >Rarity takes in a deep breath and studies the ceiling for a moment before looking to you again.
  915. >"I am, in my own humble opinion, rather fabulous. Very fabulous, actually. The most fabulous pony in Ponyville. Many heads turn when I walk into a building. Many stallions proposition me during Hearts and Hooves."
  916. "That makes sense."
  917. >"Does it, though? Does it make sense to -you-? Because I've not been getting that impression for... oh, I want to say--"
  918. >She launches off her chair and is on top of you in the blink of an eye, her nose pressed against yours. You jerk back against your pillow, startled.
  919. >"Five! Years!" she bellows into your face.
  920. "F... five?" you squeak.
  921. >She pulls back and sits herself on your belly. Breathing is now more difficult, but you can just about manage with what must be a 40kg mare sat on you.
  922. >She runs a hoof through her mane, and a tongue over her teeth.
  923. >"Consider the scene. A desirable but lonely bachelorette finds her attentions being drawn to the tall, mysterious outsider that has arrived in Ponyville. She regards him from afar. She likes what she sees. She can envision a future with him. She makes a decision. She approaches him, and on their first meeting she shows him her stuff. She flaunts her perfect mane and bats her expertly tended eyelashes. She waggles her haunches, toned but not hard from her yoga and fitness classes."
  924. "R-right?" your mind is racing back to review your first meeting with Rarity. Was she really doing all that?
  925. >"And does the outsider notice? Does he make a move? No," she glares down at you. "He doesn't. And so she ramps things up. She invites him for tea, alone. She asks him out on trips around town, alone. She offers to make his clothes and brings him in for measurements, alone. Helps him get used to the Ponyville social scene. Educates him on matters of culture and etiquette since Twilight did such an appalling job. Are you following me?"
  926. >You nod, worried that she'll start breaking things if you say otherwise.
  927. >"And then Fluttershy gets involved. Oh but of course -she- would. She can't help herself. Show her some poor, innocent creature and she's all over it. The foal. Well, unfortunately for her, the outsider isn't a creature. He's a man. An intelligent man. A man of fashion and poise. Of dignity and stature. A man who can afford to punch above his weight and court the more, shall we say sophisticated, sorts of ponies."
  928. >She leans down again, eyes unblinking and locked onto yours.
  929. >"Weeks into months. Months into years. But the bachelorette remains faithful. She waits patiently for him. She keeps herself trim. Keeps herself in perfect condition. No coltfriends. No flings. No affairs of any sort. That life is behind her now. She's pursuing something grander in scope."
  930. >She pushes her nose against yours once more, her voice a low, dangerous whisper.
  931. >"She doesn't even touch herself." Her words linger in pin-drop silence. "And for -five years- her need boils inside her. Consuming her. Beneath her perfect mask there lurks an animal. A beast thrashing against its cage. Each new morning is a silent war she wages with herself. With the monster she can't let slip lest she lose her composure and ruin not only her own reputation, but her standing with the outsider."
  932. >Your world is only her now.
  933. >Her face, her breath venting through gritted teeth, her weight and warmth pressing down on you.
  934. >"In the end, it was something mundane that snapped the lock. Something simple that threw open the cage."
  935. >She smiles. It's a wavering, unstable smile.
  936. >"The outsider came to the bachelorette's shop, as he did every week."
  937. >Your mind casts back and replays the day's earlier events as she speaks.
  938. >"She greeted him as she always did..."
  939.  
  940. *
  941.  
  942. >"Darling! It's so good to see you, I've finished your new shirt, I dare-say this is my best one yet!"
  943. "Yeah, it looks great, thanks Rare."
  944. >"Is something the matter? You don't look too thrilled."
  945. "It just sucks that I have to keep doing this, you know? Coming to you every time Fluttershy ruins another shirt. I can't keep mooching off your charity like this."
  946. >"Well of course you can! I don't mind, honest!"
  947. "It doesn't feel right. I think I'm going to stop coming here, not because I don't appreciate your help, but because I feel guilty. You never accept my money, but I can't keep wasting your time like this."
  948. >"Darling you... you can't -not- come here, it's part of our routine."
  949. "Precisely. It's become normal, but no more. We end it today. Thank you very much for the shirt--"
  950. >"But how am I supposed to take your measurements?"
  951. "To be honest, I've never been sure why you need me to take my shirt off every week. It's not like my weight is changing much each time."
  952. >"B-but I like taking your measurements-- It's a time for us to chat, I mean, hah hah!"
  953. "We'll have to chat some other time then. I'm sorry, but I refuse to abuse your generosity any further. You're a good friend, Rarity, truly."
  954. >"...Friend?"
  955. "The best of friends. If I could find a woman like you I'd be a happy man indeed. Well, I'll see you around. Thanks again!"
  956.  
  957. *
  958.  
  959. >You gulp as Rarity finishes speaking.
  960. >Seconds stretched into hours pass quietly, your breathing having halted the same as hers.
  961. >"Best," she whispers, "-friends-." the word sounds like it tastes of rancid meat. "After everything she's done."
  962. "Rarity--"
  963. >"And do you know what she did after that?"
  964. >She grins that same uncanny grin.
  965. >"Unfortunately, despite her best efforts, no lady is a fortress. No mare can withstand a storm forever, no matter how strong she may be. She went a little bit... mad."
  966. >Her horn ignites, and the silk around your wrists and ankles tightens.
  967. >"She realised that it was never going to happen. Ever. It didn't matter how many times she referred to the romantic classics for guidance. No matter how many times she spoke to mother, or put her head together with her little sister. No matter how many times she was always there for the outsider he simply. Wouldn't. Notice. Her." Each latter word is punctuated by a further tightening of the silk.
  968. >"And so she had an epiphany. Her shop was ruined, her fabrics in tatters, her throat hoarse from screaming, but an epiphany came all the same."
  969. >Tears well in her eyes and streak down her cheeks, ruining her mascara.
  970. >"Why contain it?"
  971. >She leans down and pushes her lips against yours.
  972. >There's no passion in it, just a mechanical melding and then stillness. She remains there, her eyes closed, lips pressed to yours not moving.
  973. >A minute passes before she pulls away.
  974. >"I've waited for five years, Anonymous."
  975. >Magic flares. Your pants, painstakingly drafted, stitched, and fashioned by Rarity herself, are torn apart at the seams.
  976. >"And I will not accept anything that doesn't end in my happy ending. I will not accept an outcome where we are not living happily ever after."
  977. >More magic tingles around your crotch.
  978. >"It is time I stepped out of the shadows. Fluttershy has been toying with you like a little filly with a school-yard crush, but I am not a filly. I am a mare. I have a need, and I am running out of time. We will be more than friends. We will be lovers. We will be wed. We will have our fairytale romance, and it will be beautiful."
  979. >Fat tears roll down her cheeks as she takes your hardening length and positions it against her entrance.
  980. >"We will be beautiful."
  981.  
  982. >"We will be so beautiful."
  983.  
  984. ---
  985.  
  986. "More Rararape!!!!"
  987. Anonymous, regarding the above
  988.  
  989. >She's rather cute, now that you've had time to compare and reflect.
  990. >Fluttershy nudges a stone with her hoof and casts a shy gaze at you.
  991. >"So are you doing anything this weekend? We could go to the park and practice kissing? Do humans do that sort of thing? I'm sorry if I've already asked I, I might have forgotten."
  992. >She keeps her distance at your request. It's small, but her morsel of respect is to you the most lavish meal.
  993. >Even the rare moments when she was bold enough to tie you up in the past she never did so with malicious intent.
  994. >You once awoke in your basement. She'd drugged you and tied you up with hemp rope she got on a discount - something she was absurdly proud of.
  995. >Rather than actually do anything, she showed you pictures of all her favourite animals (she has a -lot- of favourites) and asked if nature was your fetish. It wasn't, and she burst into tears when you told her your arms were hurting from the ropes.
  996. >Simply put, her efforts to woo you were tepid at best.
  997. >To think they were once so aggravating, but now...
  998. >You can only force a smile. Not due to dissatisfaction, but fear. Fear for her. For both of you.
  999. "Thanks, Fluttershy, but I'll have to say no."
  1000. >She's nodding before you finish speaking, having expected the answer.
  1001. >"That's fine, I'll, uh, try again next week."
  1002. >It used to be you'd tell her to leave you alone and stop bothering you.
  1003. >Now you've come to enjoy her company.
  1004. >The park sounds wonderful, apart from the kissing bit.
  1005. >But it's not worth the risk. Discovery would herald agony.
  1006. "You keep at it, you'll get it one day."
  1007. >"You think so?"
  1008. >She peers up at you, and you're struck.
  1009. >There's such unwavering kindness behind those eyes. An almost puppy-like adoration.
  1010. "Definitely."
  1011. >"O-oh!" Wouldn't you know it, she even wags her tail a bit, her smile becoming a toothy grin. "You've never said that before... I must be getting close?"
  1012. >A prickle of guilt pricks your stomach, an unwelcome reminder that what you're doing isn't good - not for you or for her.
  1013. >Especially not for you.
  1014. >If anything, you have to shut her down harder. To yell at her, to chase her away, to be crueller than you've ever been towards her.
  1015. >But you can't. Not only because you're seeing her in a new light, but because in the abyss you find yourself in, she's a rope ladder.
  1016. >Is that selfish? To put her in harm's way like this?
  1017. >Yes. But it'll be fine, surely. She won't be hurt by this. You might be, but she won't. Surely. Surely.
  1018. >You stay clear of just about every mare you encounter these days, but Fluttershy is forever the persistent one.
  1019. >You couldn't avoid her if you tried, but now? Now you're craving her attention.
  1020. >Yet as much as you want to fall to your knees and tell her everything, you can't. It wouldn't end well for either of you.
  1021. >Instead, you, selfish you, nod at her.
  1022. "Almost there."
  1023. >Fluttershy unfurls her wings and hovers off the ground, coming to eye level with you.
  1024. >"But not close enough for a kiss?"
  1025. "Oh no, not yet, just keep your distance for now."
  1026. >For God's sake keep your distance.
  1027. >She nods. Of course she does. She's understanding. Too understanding.
  1028. >"Well alright, but one of these days!"
  1029. >With that, she gives you one of her exaggerated winks, the sort that she's never been able to pull off without morphing one side of her face into a wrinkled mess.
  1030. >You think it's supposed to be seductive.
  1031. >But now she's gone, and you're staring after her with longing.
  1032. >Life's changes are unpredictable.
  1033. >You slide your hands into the perfectly-measured pockets on your immaculate trousers and set off walking, careful to avoid any errant puddles or kicked up clouds of dust. Dirtying yourself brings consequences.
  1034. >Stallions give you hearty waves, you hail them with a broad smile.
  1035. >Mares chirp their merry greetings, you hasten your walk and avoid eye contact.
  1036. >They're always put off by your cold-shoulder, but it's for their own good.
  1037. >The shop looms now.
  1038. >It used to be quaint; charming, even.
  1039. >Now it stands a monolith, a monument of anxiety and visions of crimson.
  1040. >Once upon a time you'd chide yourself for being melodramatic, but a melodrama has infected you of late.
  1041. >Her melodrama.
  1042. >You knock before entering. She prefers that you knock five times so that she knows that it's you. It's so she can prepare the perfect greeting.
  1043. >Seconds drag by until a cheerful voice beckons you inside.
  1044. >You don't enter immediately. Instead you stand rigid, your legs momentarily boulders. If you ran, what would happen? How quickly would she find you?
  1045. >Your fear of keeping her waiting overrides your fear of seeing her, and so you enter.
  1046.  
  1047. *
  1048.  
  1049. >"Did you enjoy your walk through town today?"
  1050. "Yes, Rarity, it was lovely," your response is mechanical, as is your deliberate sip of your teacup. By now you're used to its blistering temperature.
  1051. >She sits keen across from you, eyes not leaving your own for even a moment. Even her blinks seem reluctant.
  1052. >"That's ever so good to know. Did you speak to any mares on your way here?"
  1053. >Such a strange yet mundane question to an outsider, but to you it raises the hairs on your arms.
  1054. >A soft face crosses your mind, considerate and gentle.
  1055. "No, Rarity, I didn't speak to any."
  1056. >"Are you certain?"
  1057. >Her expression doesn't change. She's still got that picture-perfect smile spread across her picture-perfect features. Everything is pristine. Her mane. Her eye-shadow. Especially her mascara. She hates it when her mascara runs. Hates you for causing it.
  1058. "Yes, I'm certain."
  1059. >"Yes..."
  1060. "Yes, Rarity."
  1061. >"I'm so glad to hear that, Anonymous. Thank you for being honest with me. Kiss me?"
  1062. >You stand and come to her side, kneeling before the mare and taking her chin in your hand - she likes it when you do that - then planting a lifeless kiss on her lips.
  1063. >Her eyes remain open the entire time, and when you pull away she shifts. The mask develops a crack.
  1064. >"Was that your kiss? Are you sure you didn't mean to do something more passionate?"
  1065. >Hauntings of steel flicker in your mind's eye and you dive back in, cupping her face and drawing her closer, this time with plenty of tongue.
  1066. >She pants into it, and her fake eyelashes graze your face as she finally closes her lids.
  1067. >Rarity leans in, and you lean back in repulsed instinct.
  1068. >A mistake.
  1069. >The hum of magic vibrates the air. A drawer opens behind you. A sharp point pricks the back of your knee.
  1070. >You push against her, wrapping your arms around the little mare and running your hand down her back.
  1071. >She shivers, her own hoof stroking the back of your hair.
  1072. >"That's it. That's perfect. Good boy," she whispers. "You're so romantic, Anonymous."
  1073. "Thank you, Rarity."
  1074.  
  1075. *
  1076.  
  1077. >She speaks, but you only half-listen.
  1078. >Giving her your full attention is difficult with the glinting edges orbiting you.
  1079. >You nod at timed intervals and give prompt affirmations when needed, but every few seconds a cruel blade floats behind Rarity.
  1080. >There you sit in her bedroom, talking about whatever she wants to talk about. You don't get much of a choice. You wouldn't want to deviate from her perfect plan, after all. Her perfect romance.
  1081. >The blades serve as a reminder, and each sighting prompts phantom itches running up your back.
  1082. >The criss-cross carvings of your many errors.
  1083. >It took a long time for her to train you, but you got it eventually.
  1084. >You want to be the best fiancée you can be for her, after all.
  1085. >"I would like to talk about our wedding now. Would you like to talk about the wedding?"
  1086. "Yes, Rarity, I would love to."
  1087. >"Wonderful! I've already drawn up the guest list and am currently sorting out the venue, but I wanted your opinion on something."
  1088. >Your arm-hairs stand. Opinions are dangerous.
  1089. >Three cards float into view from one side and hover before you.
  1090. >"I was wondering which colour we should go for. A white wedding, a red wedding, or a yellow wedding?"
  1091. >A trio of concepts glare at you and you swallow.
  1092. >One of these is the one she wants. The other two are the wrong answer.
  1093. >What was her favourite colour?
  1094. >You glance at her.
  1095. >Her smile shrinks, eyes not blinking.
  1096. >"Which colour would you prefer, Anonymous?" her tone is harder. Think fast.
  1097. >It must be white. It must be. It's the classic wedding colour.
  1098. >But she wears so much red, and comments on its richness each time she passes an edge across your skin.
  1099. >You go with your gut, even though it twists and writhes within you.
  1100. "R... red. I think red is a fabulous colour, Rarity."
  1101. >She stares at you.
  1102. >The knives stop orbiting.
  1103. >Their points quiver.
  1104. >They slowly raise and point at you.
  1105. >"I beg your pardon?"
  1106. "White! I meant white, hah, I apologise, Rarity, I don't know what I was thinking."
  1107. >She still doesn't twitch. The blades remain pointing at you.
  1108. >"We had a conversation three weeks and four days ago, Anonymous."
  1109. >You swallow. Oh god.
  1110. >"A conversation where I very clearly stated that yellow is in vogue, and that all the most important ponies in Equestria are having yellow weddings."
  1111. "But it's not classic, the classic wedding is white, surely?"
  1112. >She bristles.
  1113. >"Do-- do you presume to know more about weddings than I do?"
  1114. >You reach for the teapot and refill her cup. You're not sure why, maybe you just want to distract her. Anything to show that you're a good fiancée.
  1115. >"I shall just have to educate you, then."
  1116. >A deathly pallor washes over you.
  1117. >Education isn't gentle.
  1118. >"Come with me to the bed, Anonymous."
  1119. >You stay sitting.
  1120. >The knives close in.
  1121. >"Anonymous? I said come with me to the bed," she all but whispers, still fixing you with that emotionless look.
  1122. >You rise, movements wooden, and lie on the bed. She crawls atop you, eyes not leaving you. They never leave you.
  1123. >Your clothes remove themselves, folding in a blue aura and landing in a neat pile on one of her chairs.
  1124. >Rarity glances away only for a split-second before gazing at you again.
  1125. >"You're not hard. Am I not attractive?"
  1126. "I-I'm just cold, Rarity. I'll warm up."
  1127. >The mare drapes forward, legs on either side of you, her crotch against yours.
  1128. >She drags herself across your body, grinding her loins over you, working up a pant as she does.
  1129. >The first knife pricks your skin. You jump.
  1130. >"Yes. Yes, I think you will warm quite quickly too."
  1131. >She pauses for a moment and a knife floats close to you, grazing your cheek with its point. Enough for you to know that it's there, not to draw blood.
  1132. >Rarity sighs and tilts her head.
  1133. >"I love you, Anonymous."
  1134. >She traces your chest with a perfectly manicured hoof.
  1135. >"I love you so, so much. Even if I have to educate you sometimes. But you enjoy it, don't you? You enjoy being with me? We make such a beautiful couple, do we not?"
  1136. >There is only one answer, and despite your loathing, despite your fear, you curl the corners of your mouth.
  1137. "We are the most fabulous couple in Ponyville, Rarity."
  1138. >"Do you truly think so? Oh, I love you, I love you!"
  1139. >Your education begins.
  1140. >And as she gyrates above you, gasping and whispering with each stroke, with each clench of her walls around your length, a heretical thought crosses your mind.
  1141. >Even in the throes of sex her smile never reaches her eyes, and she still regards you with the same coldness you awoke to all those weeks ago.
  1142. >It only strengthens your heresy.
  1143. >As for the first time in all your love-making, you grasp her hips and thrust up to meet her.
  1144. >Invigorated by your initiative, she throws her head back and laughs breathlessly, chanting your name and her confessions of love repeatedly.
  1145. >But though you drive into Rarity Belle.
  1146. >You think only of Fluttershy.
  1147.  
  1148. ---
  1149.  
  1150. ">Feeling cute, might cast a spell later to make Anon mine!"
  1151. Anonymous, with a picture of Twilight
  1152.  
  1153. >All you wanted was a glass of milk.
  1154. >Now everything is upside down and you can feel blood pooling in your hands and skull.
  1155. "Twilight," you say as calmly as you can, "please could you put me down?"
  1156. >"Nope. Wanna know why?"
  1157. "You didn't levitate me up here just to monologue, did you?"
  1158. >"I've figured it out! After weeks of research I've finally discovered the spell to dominate your will and make you only love me."
  1159. "Oh. -That's- why you've been so secretive lately. I thought you were just embarrassed by your BO, or something."
  1160. >"Hah! My strategy of stealth and evasion has--" a blink, "what do you mean, 'BO'," she says flatly.
  1161. "Uh, nothing, so what's this plan of yours?"
  1162. >She squints at you, sniffs under her own armpit, squints at you some more, then clears her throat and raises her book.
  1163. >"This spell-conglomerate combines the Want It Need It Spell with Tourmaline's Trusty Touch and the Blending of Yarrow, making anyone I cast it on find me completely irresistible!"
  1164. "I can see this backfiring horribly. -Horribly-."
  1165. >"Shush, it'll be great, then you can take me upstairs and we can finally get to the bottom of this 'sex' thing everyone's always talking about."
  1166. >She shrugs.
  1167. >"Don't really get the appeal, but apparently it's worth it and you're only supposed to do it with people you trust, except Pinkie, who does it with anyone who asks." Twilight scratches her head with a quill. "Including herself, allegedly."
  1168. "Is that your way of saying you trust me?"
  1169. >She gives you a shy smile.
  1170. >"Well... yeah?"
  1171. "That's very sweet of you. Besides hanging me upside down and declaring your intent to mind-rape me. Just an FYI, I'm about sixty seconds from passing out so you might wanna hurry it up."
  1172. >"Right, okay. Prepare yourself, Anon--"
  1173. "We're not doing the theatrical speech and flashy lights thing, Twilight, I'm literally about to black out here."
  1174. >"Uh. Right."
  1175. >Her horn sparks and a dribble of violet light meanders from her horn and slithers into the space between your eyes.
  1176. >The magic entering your skull feels like snorting water up your nose through a straw, only through solid bone.
  1177. >You blink a few times.
  1178. "...Is that it?"
  1179. >"Sure. That was the spell."
  1180. "I told you not to do anything flashy and I'm -still- disappointed."
  1181. >"Yeah, well, the speech was going to make it all a bit more exciting, but there we go. So, you ready to, uh..." she consults another book, this one with a much-loved spine and a black cover. "Delve into my plumbing and unclog my heart?"
  1182. >The cuckoo clock on the wall marks the next ten seconds - which feels more like an hour - with solemn dignity.
  1183. >You feel a sensation like blowing that water from earlier back out through the straw, only via your eardrums instead of your nose and with a pippet rather than a straw and it's horse mucus not water.
  1184. >The same light that entered your head shivers out of your skin and splatters onto the ground.
  1185. >You both stare down at it. Well, Twilight stares down, you sort of stare up, given your position.
  1186. >"...What the heck was that?"
  1187. "I think, now I'm not a witch doctor, but I think you're such a turn-off that the spell you designed specifically to make you sexually attractive to me just evacuated itself from my body and elected suicide."
  1188. >Twilight purses her lips. She swallows after a few seconds with a nod.
  1189. >"Oh," is her response.
  1190. >She tosses the spellbook she had to one side and grips the black-covered one closer.
  1191. >"Welp, back to the drawing board. And by 'drawing board' I mean bedroom, and by 'back to' I mean I'm going to go and masturbate and cry myself to sleep again. You okay to feed yourself tonight, Anon? Spike's still at Canterlot and I'll be honest I never learned to cook."
  1192. >She looks at you, waiting for an answer.
  1193. >You don't respond, clear dribble leaking from your slackened lips.
  1194. >"Oh. Yeah, he mentioned that might happen."
  1195. >She puffs her cheeks out.
  1196. >"I never noticed before how much and how often I speak to myself."
  1197. >Twilight looks around to make sure no one had snuck into the library whilst she'd been speaking.
  1198. >Emboldened, she moves towards the stairs. First slowly, then with bit more pep.
  1199. >"I'm walkin' on sunshine, wooah-oooh, I'm walkin' on sunshiiine, woaaah-ooooh, and don't it feel good! Hey! Bada ba da, time to feel good..."
  1200. >And so, Twilight dances back to her room, singing half-remembered lyrics to classic pop songs like only a lonely, lonely mare can, leaving poor Anon dangling upside down above the floor of the Golden Oaks library.
  1201.  
  1202. ---
  1203.  
  1204. "Nth for Anon likes big mares and can't denny."
  1205. Anonymous, regarding HEFTY MARES.
  1206.  
  1207. >Anon's sat at an outdoors cafe when Fluttershy finds him.
  1208. >She sits across from him and starts working her moves.
  1209. >He's unreceptive, sipping his drink and paying little attention to her, preferring to watch something over her shoulder.
  1210. >She keeps trying, and after asking him if clown girls are his fetish he freezes.
  1211. >His brow moistens, and though he isn't looking at her she can tell that he's into it.
  1212. >"Oh, so it's clowns you like? I can work with that, I can ask Pinkie for help!"
  1213. >He's still not looking and she frowns, eventually twisting herself around and seeing whatever it is that's caught his eye.
  1214. >Only to behold Mrs Cake outside Sugarcube Corner, wrestling unsuccessfully with a heavy box, trying to force it up the front steps and through the door.
  1215. >Her flanks jiggle and quake with each movement, sweat cascading down and between her thighs. Each heavy readjustment of a hoof sends ripples across one side of her shaking form to the other.
  1216. >Anon is transfixed, biting his lip so hard Fluttershy fears he might shear it off.
  1217. >She leans over and peeks under the table.
  1218. >His tent has never been bigger, and she's seen more than a few tents.
  1219. >He's still looking at Mrs Cake, and if her lack of progress is anything to go by she'll be there for a while.
  1220. >Fluttershy shrugs, slips under the tablecloth out of view, and helps herself.
  1221. >Anon's stare never leaves Mrs Cake's wobbling mass, her grunting exertion, her laboured panting.
  1222. >He nods appreciatively as she hoists the box over the top step into the shop, stretching her body out and giving him a perfect view of not only her curvaceous body, but both cutie marks at once and the heavenly glory waiting between her slick cheeks.
  1223. "Magnificent," he murmurs as he climaxes down Fluttershy's throat, imagining it as the baker's own slobbering maw.
  1224.  
  1225. ---
  1226.  
  1227. ">inb4 flutters 'borrows' her dad's rare cloud collection to ask if one of them is anon's fetish
  1228. she better be real fucking careful with the mother of pearls; that shit's fragile"
  1229. - Anonymous
  1230.  
  1231. >"I-I borrowed this from my mom, do you like it?"
  1232. "Sure, it's great, whatever. What is it, exactly?"
  1233. >"It's a pearl necklace. Do you think it looks good on me?"
  1234. "It's alright," you say with a shrug.
  1235. >"According to Rarity, pearls look better when stacked."
  1236. "Better go get yourself some more then. Or better yet, buy some for your mom. Show her you care. Spend more time with her. Time with family. Time away from me."
  1237. >"W-well I was thinking, um, do -you- want to give me another one? A pearl necklace?"
  1238. >She stares at you with tight lips, and you glower back, unimpressed by this whole set-up.
  1239. "...If I got cum on those your mom would kill you. And then me."
  1240. >"Oh no, definitely not. She'd probably be super into it. Knowing her she'd put the entire string in her mouth and pull them out one bead at a time, sucking the cum off each of them as they passed her lips. I could do the same if you're interested?"
  1241. "...Do you even know how much you just explained about your behavioural maladjustments?"
  1242. >Fluttershy rubs her chin and hums.
  1243. >"I think my mom might be a bad influence on me..."
  1244. "Yeah, you think? Way to go, genius. At least your dad's okay, right?"
  1245. >"Oh! Yes, daddy's normal."
  1246. "Great. Maybe don't call him 'daddy' though."
  1247. >"Normal-ish, at least."
  1248. "...What does--"
  1249. >"He likes collecting jars of clouds from his job at the weather factory."
  1250. "Hey, nothing wrong with that. Every man needs a hobby, be it collecting stamps or--"
  1251. >"Then he likes to unscrew the jars and force his thingy in each of them. He then uses each jar's mouth and the clouds inside as a glass fleshlight. He has a really thick shaft so each jar is a snug fit. Apparently every cloud has a different texture."
  1252. "Jesus Christ."
  1253. >"The storm clouds are the best since they zap his donger. Apparently."
  1254. "Please stop talking."
  1255. >"When I was six my mom snuck into my room and--"
  1256. "Shy -please- stop talking, for the love of God."
  1257. >"..."
  1258. "..."
  1259. >"...I-it felt weird but I kinda liked it."
  1260. >You cover your face with your hands and scream.
  1261.  
  1262. ---
  1263.  
  1264. Anon wrote a short about Fluttershy wearing a gorilla-suit. Another responded with "This one seems familiar."
  1265.  
  1266. >Groundhog Day
  1267. >Anon wakes up every day to Fluttershy in a gorilla suit.
  1268. >He immediately knows what's going on.
  1269. >He remembers his pop culture lore.
  1270. >He remembers Bill Murray.
  1271. >He knows that he's being forced to repeat today because there's something he needs to resolve.
  1272. >He goes all over Ponyville every repeated day doing as much as he can; helping out, stopping accidents, solving problems, learning about the residents of Ponyville and the quiet, messy lives they lead.
  1273. >But none of it works.
  1274. >He continues to wake up day after day.
  1275. >And then he realises there was one pony left.
  1276. >By this point his sense of empathy has grown to the point where he can truly accept Fluttershy into his life.
  1277. >He opens the door to her.
  1278. >"Um, ooga--"
  1279. "Take off the suit, Fluttershy. Let's go get a coffee and talk about our future."
  1280. >Fluttershy just about manages not to cream herself in the suit.
  1281. >Anon delves into her past and discovers things about her he never could have imagined.
  1282. >She's quiet, but she's lived a rich and fulfilling life, but more than anything, a secret life.
  1283. >Each day is a new discover. A new facet to this overlooked gem of a mare.
  1284. >He falls in love.
  1285. >One climactic night, he's in bed holding her snoozing, limp form in his arms, watching the clock tick towards midnight.
  1286. >Shortly after, he'll know if he did the right thing.
  1287. >Midnight.
  1288. >Anon wakes up the following morning. The day repeats again.
  1289. >He trudges downstairs, depressed. What more can he do?
  1290. >He opens the door to Fluttershy.
  1291. >"Um, ooga-booga?"
  1292. "Nothing works," he says, emotionless. "No matter what I'll always keep waking up on the same day. The same day, every day."
  1293. >Fluttershy cocks her head and taps her chin.
  1294. >"Oh, um, well there was this giant magical hourglass in Twilight's basement that I wasn't supposed to touch, so I figured if I wrapped a pair of your underpants around it and then broke it maybe some timey-magicy stuff would happen and we'd have all the time in the world together. Maybe that's what's happened?"
  1295. >He stares at her.
  1296. >The empathy vanishes.
  1297. >He spends the rest of the day chasing her around with a crowbar screaming that he's going to break her legs. Fluttershy is sobbing in fear and partial arousal.
  1298. >A few more daily visits to Twilight and he manages to get the hourglass fixed - He'd never understood its significance before. Seems obvious in retrospect.
  1299. >He wakes up the following day to her in an octopus costume saying that she's going to tentacle rape him.
  1300. >Sweet release.
  1301. >He falls to his knees, hugs her, kisses her on the mouth, then stands and kicks her so hard she soars over several houses.
  1302. >Unfortunately he still sort of loves her, but he'll be damned if he's going to tell her that.
  1303. >Fucking Fluttershy.
  1304.  
  1305. ---
  1306.  
  1307. Mayor Mare is underrated, underloved, and is just as worthy of affection as any other mare. I will die on this hill.
  1308.  
  1309. >The auburn desk matches the auburn mare behind it.
  1310. >She scribbles away at something, using her mouth to mark things with a pencil.
  1311. >Impressive how they can do that. Excellent mouth and tongue control. It must be a thing taught in school that carries over into life, as everyone in Equestria speaks so clearly with rarely a stutter.
  1312. >That seems irrelevant at this time, however.
  1313. >The more pressing concern is how much your back and bottom hurt, the chair you're tied to is hardwood, and it makes for a poor bed.
  1314. >Yes, tied. There are ropes holding you to it. Could you break them?
  1315. >Probably not, though the chair would likely break before the ropes did, which would mean freedom so long as you're able to struggle hard enough.
  1316. >The world is slanted. Are you sagging to one side? Better sit up.
  1317. >Better. The mare is looking at you now. She's smiling. It's a nice smile.
  1318. >"Good afternoon, Anonymous."
  1319. >How polite of her. Better say hello in return, don't want to be rude.
  1320. "Snrrgghhh ffllllwooorrbb."
  1321. >Ah. That wasn't right. Can move neither lips nor mouth properly. Drugs? More than likely. Spiked drink? The most probable source. When? Can't recall. Might come to you later.
  1322. >"Please allow a few moments for the effects of the drugs to wear off. You are tied to that chair for your own protection."
  1323. >How considerate of her. You'll have to thank her for her thoughtfulness once this is over.
  1324. >Whatever this is.
  1325. >"Can you hear me clearly? Please blink twice if you can."
  1326. >You blink one eyelid after another, twice.
  1327. >"That'll suffice, thank you." She clears her throat. "My name is Mrs. Gallop, I'll be your assistant with the proceedings."
  1328. >Very good. Wouldn't want to be without a voice of authority in these confusing times.
  1329. >Some strength has returned to your muscles. You scrunch up your face and clench your fingers and toes.
  1330. "I," you cough and heave air back into your lungs, "I'm afraid I don't understand where I am."
  1331. >"Of course, short-term memory loss can happen with the drugs employed in these sorts of endeavours. If you'd like I can catch you up to speed."
  1332. "Please."
  1333. >"Well, as I said, my name is Mrs. Gallop, and you have been selected for a level-three raping. Currently, you are in my office in the Ponyville town hall, but once we are done with the necessary paperwork you will be escorted upstairs to the Mayor's office, where she will carry out the aforementioned raping."
  1334. >You nod along with her words.
  1335. "I see, I see. One quick question."
  1336. >"Hm?"
  1337. "What in the fuck?"
  1338. >"Yes, I imagine it's quite confusing, but that's why I'm here. Would you like a drink?"
  1339. "I... yes I would, actually."
  1340. >A crystal decanter layered in condensation sits to one side of the desk, from which Mrs. Gallop pours you a glass.
  1341. >Only once she's pushed it before you do you remember you can't move your arms.
  1342. >"You'll have to stay like that for a little while longer," Gallop says, nodding to your bindings, "just until you're in full control of your faculties."
  1343. "Right. You were explaining the circumstances?"
  1344. >"Yes. Our mutual contact, Mayor Mare, or Mayflower to her friends and lovers, has expressed an interest in establishing a relationship with you. To this end she's brought me in to help facilitate the acquisition and processing of her mate."
  1345. "And you are?"
  1346. >"I would be her personal secretary. I've only recently inherited the position from Raven Inkwell, whom I believe you knew, a week ago. But please don't be alarmed, I am more than capable of answering all your questions."
  1347. "Does an... organised rape seem like something normal to you, Gallop?"
  1348. >"It's nothing too far out of the realms of possibility. Far stranger requests have been filed with the department. Now, I'm afraid we are on a tight schedule, as your rape has been booked for three o'clock and it's currently two forty-five. May I have your full name?"
  1349. "Anonymous, no last name... sorry, am I able to appeal this? I feel like I should have a say in how this whole thing is being arranged."
  1350. >"The Mayor said you might say that. It's one of the many cited reasons why she wishes to... hang on a tick... here it is-- why she wants to quote: 'suck the cum right out of his balls as he lectures me on rural reform policy', end quote. There are seventeen more statements regarding her approval of you ranging from physical characteristics to the way you, quote: 'Always know when to stop sharpening a number two pencil before the lead snaps off', end quote."
  1351. "Has this been in the pipeline for a while? I didn't receive any notes from the council saying that this was being considered."
  1352. >"Ah, no, rape proposals do not require the consent or even prior knowledge of the offended party. It was for a time, but considering the overwhelming proportion of offendants that rejected the proposals, it was decided that their consent would -not- be required in order to 'grease the wheels of bureaucracy', as it were."
  1353. "So there's no chance for an appeal."
  1354. >"Afraid not, it would complicate the process and nothing would ever get done around here."
  1355. "How many of these sorts of things get filed? Ballpark estimate?"
  1356. >"Oh... Zero in the last quarter, but there are always a few around Hearth's Warming and New Years. Usually spurred by alcohol and loneliness, I'm sure you can understand why."
  1357. "So it's the Mayor that's doing this?"
  1358. >"Yes! She's been quite smitten for a while as far as I was told by Ms. Inkwell, and is fond of your manner, etiquette, and efficiency. She has also mentioned, quote: 'I've timed when he goes on break so I can sneak into his office and sniff his seat whilst he's gone,' end quote."
  1359. "And again, that doesn't strike you as strange."
  1360. >"Well, she's an overworked mare. I think it's fair for a pony in her position to feel physically neglected, so she deserves to take a load off, or a load in, in this case, right?"
  1361. "I suppose, but I feel awfully pressured."
  1362. >"I understand that it's all a lot to take in, but if it's any consolation you won't be doing most of the work. Are your arms working?"
  1363. >You wriggle about and nod.
  1364. >"Very good," she slips off her chair and unties your bindings. You flex your fingers and stretch as she reseats herself and pushes a sheet of paper towards you covered in small-print along with a stubby pencil.
  1365. >"Please could you sign along the dotted line there? This is a health and safety agreement, just saying that you understand the risks associated with rape."
  1366. "The risks being?"
  1367. >"Grievous bodily harm, pregnancy, death, that sort of thing. You likely won't need to worry about it, it's mostly to placate the lawyers. The only thing that could happen is pregnancy but that won't be your problem, I can assure you."
  1368. >You scribble your name along the dotted line and hand her the sheet.
  1369. "There's a typo on line three, by the way... what else is there?"
  1370. >"Please sign these forms as well, again on the line, this is a non-disclosure agreement, and this is a note saying 'Do you like me?'. You'll need to tick 'yes' on that one."
  1371. "Right... but all this -isn't- consensual, you said?"
  1372. >"Oh no, not at all."
  1373. "Then why am I signing these forms?"
  1374. >"Because you're being compelled to."
  1375. "Am I?"
  1376. >"The drugs used to pacify you are -very- potent."
  1377. >You sign your name on the lines and tick 'yes' on the form. Then blink at what you'd done.
  1378. "So they are. What happens now?"
  1379. >"Now I'll take you up to the Mayor's office. Please could you apply this cologne? It's the one you wear to work each day, the Mayor's favourite."
  1380. >You apply it, still wearing a look of confused compliance, and follow Mrs. Gallop from the room.
  1381. >The trip through the town hall is short, and Gallop offers curt nods and hellos to your colleagues as you walk upstairs.
  1382. >"Afternoon, Anon," says Glitter Streak from the mail room. "Where are you off to?"
  1383. "I think I'm being raped by the Mayor at three."
  1384. >"Huh. Didn't think it was that time of year already. Well, good luck!"
  1385. "Thanks?"
  1386. >Onward you walk until you pass through the door to the Mayor's office.
  1387. >She's waiting in her high-backed chair, and you see her quickly throw a small hand-held mirror in one of her drawers as you enter before sitting up straight with a big smile.
  1388. >"Good afternoon, Anonymous!"
  1389. "Mayflower."
  1390. >"I trust there were no issues, Mrs. Gallop?"
  1391. >"None at all, Miss Mayor. Will there be anything else?"
  1392. >"No thank you, I'll be ready for the commissioner at four."
  1393. >Gallop nods and ducks out the room, the door closing with a faint click behind her.
  1394. >You walk forwards and sit down in the chair across from Mayflower.
  1395. >"So. Here we are!"
  1396. "Yeah. What... kind of drugs am I on right now?"
  1397. >"Fascinating stuff, but I don't understand the half of it. We used to depend on the old reliables, chloroform and coercion, you know how it is. But after the Zecora issue resolved itself she's been happy to provide a fantastic blend that makes those that drink it suggestible and amicable."
  1398. "I've noticed. Please could I... go home? I don't think I want to do this."
  1399. >"Oh don't be silly. Wouldn't you rather stay here and impregnate on this desk?"
  1400. "I think so?"
  1401. >"I think you definitely do."
  1402. "Yes, I suppose that would be for the best. I already filled in those forms, after all."
  1403. >"Quite right, and it's not like you to disregard paperwork."
  1404. "No, a filled form is law, as I always say, I think."
  1405. >Mayflower gasps and grips her desk.
  1406. "Something the matter?"
  1407. >"N-nothing major, I just ejaculated. My apologies, but you do get my motor running."
  1408. "I can tell. And smell. Should we get started?"
  1409. >"Ah, well since this is a rape I'm going to have to ask that you don't say anything for the next hour, would that be alright?"
  1410. >You purse your lips and quirk an eyebrow at her.
  1411. >"You're a fast learner!" she runs a tongue over her freshly applied lipstick. "Blessed sun I love you."
  1412. >Mayflower lunges over her desk and topples you to the ground.
  1413. >You don't resist, wearing a look of vague bewilderment the entire time.
  1414. >As she rides you to climax for the third time in a row, biting your neck and breathing your name amidst a storm of "yeses" into your ear, you furrow your brow.
  1415. >There's something off about this whole situation, but you're not sure what.
  1416. >As you cum deep within Mayflower's anus, the older mare howling in delight as you paint her quivering insides with your fertile man-batter, it hits you like a train.
  1417. >You didn't use blue ink when filling those forms.
  1418. >Mayflower sits atop your face and grinds her sloppy cream-filled marehood against your lips and nose, squealing and going on about how you "belong to her" and suchwhat.
  1419. >But you? You weep.
  1420. >You weep for the injustice of using a pencil to fill in an official government document.
  1421. >Weep for the administrative headache such an error will create.
  1422.  
  1423. ---
  1424.  
  1425. Anon posted snowponies.
  1426.  
  1427. >They're out there, in that cold dark.
  1428. >You can't see them fully. It's too dark. But they're small, low, and exactly how many there are eludes you.
  1429. >They sift between the trees, noses to the ground, sniffing you out.
  1430. >Here in your cave you're hidden from view, but for how long?
  1431. >Outside a blizzard rages, snowfall like knives against your skin, the horizontal torrent sure to overwhelm you if dare make an escape.
  1432. >Your leg throbs from your collision with a jagged rock in your flight.
  1433. >The skin is broken, the frigid air bites the wound.
  1434. >Even so, in here, for now, you're safe. But you're also trapped.
  1435. >There's only one entrance to this little nook of yours, and though you lie on your side pressed against the rock wall, eyes fixed on the entrance to your haven, your safety isn't a sure thing.
  1436. >Nothing can be heard over the howling gale.
  1437. >The wind rolls by the entrance to the nook, but it also pushes through a hole by your head with a keening whistle.
  1438. >A low, melancholic sound that haunts the abyssal forest.
  1439. >Harrowing as it is, it is not as loud as it was. The storm is fading, gradually.
  1440. >Again you curse your foolishness, to attempt to brave this place. To tame it.
  1441. >Memories of warmth and green taunt you, of the smiling faces of your friends waiting for you back home.
  1442. >Here there is only murk and the omnipresent white.
  1443. >You blink, the mere microsecond of darkness thrilling your heart, as though the briefest moment spent not watching the gloom will set the beasts upon you.
  1444. >A rock tumbles from the roof of your cave and lands right before you.
  1445. >Your breath catches.
  1446. >You clasp two hands over your mouth, will they have seen your frosty breath?
  1447. >Impossible, in this low light nothing so faint could be seen.
  1448. >Could it?
  1449. >There is movement.
  1450. >Snow drifts down from the lip of the cave.
  1451. >There is something on the roof, and it is searching.
  1452. >The whistling wind is lower now, the all-encompassing sound dying all around you until like the trees beyond it lies still. Lifeless.
  1453. >Silence.
  1454. >Save for the muffled sound of step through the fresh snowfall.
  1455. >They were out there the entire time, searching for you.
  1456. >The blizzard did not deter them. Could not.
  1457. >A huffing sound reaches you.
  1458. >It is coming through the hole by your head.
  1459. >You hold your breath and press yourself harder against the wall.
  1460. >More steps. More snow crumpled, trampled.
  1461. >The huffing is louder now, and your eyes bulge.
  1462. >A muzzle comes to the hole, and it lingers.
  1463. >It sniffs. Sniffs again. The muzzle presses firmly against the hole and draws a long breath.
  1464. >A fuzzy snout and bristly whiskers huffs and snorts.
  1465. >Its lips curl up.
  1466. >Blood thunders in your ears. The muzzle draws away.
  1467. >Only for a brilliant blue eye to replace it, glancing around at the opposing wall of the nook.
  1468. >"Girls? I can smell something here!"
  1469. >Your hand pats the floor of the cave and grips a flat rock.
  1470. >You hold it to your chest.
  1471. >Movement on the roof. Movement by the hole. A form waddles out from between the trees before you and trundles up the slope to the entrance of the cave, its dark shape imposed against the pure blanket.
  1472. >Pack hunters, then.
  1473. >From the blizzard you couldn't see them very well, but backed into a corner you can fight without reservation.
  1474. >They'll not take you.
  1475. >The world is still.
  1476. >You hang on the edge of terror, paranoia making every errant twitch of a branch or sigh of residual wind a new threat.
  1477. >You wait.
  1478. >And you wait.
  1479. >...
  1480. >"Found you!"
  1481. >An upside-down face beams at you, hanging over the lip of the cave and staring in at you.
  1482. >You hurl the rock at it out of instinct.
  1483. >The face pulls back with a yelp, the rock goes long.
  1484. >Fear seizes you, and in your madness you fly.
  1485. >You burst from the cave, limbs flailing and a desperate bellow unleashed from within.
  1486. >There are a trio of startled screams or hunting cries.
  1487. >The chase is on.
  1488. >Your longer legs carry you over snowbanks and logs, but you have no direction.
  1489. >Away. Away is the only coherent thought your mind can conjure.
  1490. >Trees blur past in the deadly night, but as a towering bark sentinel rises before you, backlit only by the indifferent moon, a primal switch in your brain is flipped.
  1491. >Forest floor is dangerous. The tree. Climb. Get away. Now!
  1492. >You hurl yourself at it, hands wrapping around the trunk and legs squeezing tight.
  1493. >Thus you clamber up the trunk.
  1494. >Until something grabs your leg.
  1495. >A sudden great weight wrenches it from the tree, the fabric pulling taut between clenched teeth.
  1496. >"OGG OO!"
  1497. >Tunnel vision sets in. Climbing is the only thing that matters.
  1498. >You lift your other leg, your arms screaming under the combined weight of you and whatever horror has gripped your leg.
  1499. >Then the other leg is grabbed. You feel the beast's teeth against the fabric of your pants, a few trapped hairs pulled out with them.
  1500. >It's too much.
  1501. >Your hands are torn when rigid bark gives, and you are pulled from the tree.
  1502. >A guttural howl escapes you as you let go.
  1503. >If this is your last hurrah, they'll damn well have to fight for it.
  1504. >Your fist lashes out and punches something softer than anything in this forest has any right to be.
  1505. >The something says "OOF".
  1506. >Another weight grabs you from behind and you topple into the snow.
  1507. >Warmth.
  1508. >Terrible warmth.
  1509. >All around you.
  1510. >You shiver and bark, pushing out at the forms, anything to get them away from you.
  1511. >Still they come, wriggling and chirping and yelping all around you.
  1512. >Still they... sit on you.
  1513. >And do little else.
  1514. >...
  1515. >You shuffle, your back against the snow, staring at the distant dotted stars.
  1516. >Three great shaggy things are resting atop you panting, peering down.
  1517. >"I've never seen a thing like you before."
  1518. >"Is he a spirit?"
  1519. >"He punched me. Can I have dibs?"
  1520. >The face with the brilliant blue eyes smushes your face with a hoof.
  1521. >A hoof.
  1522. "Are... you a pony?" you say, trembling.
  1523. >"Oh wow," Blue Eyes says, "you can talk! Sure, I'm a pony, and these are my sisters! They're ponies too, isn't that great?!"
  1524. "I-I don't... you were hunting me!"
  1525. >"Pfft, yeah? What, do you think we were just gonna let a new cuddle partner slip on through without getting glomped? No siree. You're coming with us!"
  1526. "I have to get home, back to my friends--"
  1527. >"Nuh uh, we're going back to our igloo and you're gonna pet us."
  1528. >"Me first, Frosty."
  1529. >"Okay, you're gonna pet Drift Snow first, but then me for throwing that rock at me."
  1530. "No, no! I have to leave--"
  1531. >A wad of snow is pushed in your mouth.
  1532. >Against your every protest, you are bound and hauled onto 'Frosty's' back.
  1533. >There you are carried into the freezing dark by a trio of shaggy pack-hunting ponies, never to be seen again.
  1534.  
  1535. >Until about six weeks later when you stagger back into Ponyville and through uncontrolled sobs say you're never leaving town again.
  1536. >Fluttershy gives you a hug in an effort to calm you down.
  1537. >It triggers a mental break and you spend the following days recovering in the Ponyville Hospital psyche ward.
  1538. >Your nightmares are fluffy and warm, and filled with an insatiable lust for petting.
  1539. >They're so fluffy.
  1540. >So, so fluffy.
  1541. >The horror. The horror.
  1542.  
  1543. ---
  1544.  
  1545. Fluttershy's kind of awesome.
  1546.  
  1547. >Fluttershy ducks and Fluttershy weaves.
  1548. >The sword slices the air where her head used to be, shaving the few stray hairs that remained.
  1549. >She kicks out and catches the pirate in the ribs. He gasps, she lunges, the two flail.
  1550. >In the confused melee he drops his sword and crashes to the ground, Fluttershy's own cutlass pointed against his heaving Adam's apple.
  1551. >"I yield! Whoever put out a hit on you is -nuts-!" he squawks, and Fluttershy lowers her sword.
  1552. >He scrambles away from her, hurling his tricorne hat to the side as he retreats over the hillcrest.
  1553. >Fluttershy watches him go, then returns to you, looking as meek as always.
  1554. >"So are epic swordfight duels your fetish?"
  1555. >You sip your orange juice through its straw.
  1556. "You know, you're kind of awesome, Fluttershy."
  1557. >She blinks, and curls a hoof through her mane.
  1558. >"I-I don't know about -awesome-..."
  1559. "No really, you are. You can swordfight, wrestle bears, are weirdly strong... You can sing, clean, make your own clothes, are proficient in herbal remedies," she looks away with a bashful smile, "you know about fashion and exotic animals, you know more than a bit of science and history, you're good at articulating your thoughts... You're basically completely self-sufficient. If anyone could live off the grid, it's you. You're like Tarzan, only a female, and a horse, and... yeah alright you're nothing like Tarzan, but still."
  1560. >You sip the juice again.
  1561. "You're kind of awesome."
  1562. >She's blushing from your praise, and takes a moment to compose herself and look you in the eye.
  1563. >"Then I appreciate the compliment. Is... being awesome your...?"
  1564. >You give an enthusiastic nod.
  1565. "Yeah, it is, actually."
  1566. >She freezes. It's like you've tazed her.
  1567. >Her eyes widen. Her wings slowly unfurl. Her chest expands and contracts in familiar hyperventilation.
  1568. >"R-really? Have I found it? Oh my goodness, have I found it?!"
  1569. >She's leaning forward, eyes unwavering.
  1570. "Yup," you say simply, "you have. Took you long enough, huh?"
  1571. >A gust of breeze and blue brushes between you both, and a weight drapes around your shoulders along with the welcome scent of sweat and blueberry body wash.
  1572. >"Hey babe," Rainbow Dash says, leaning down to kiss your cheek, "you ready to go?"
  1573. "Yeah, was just telling Fluttershy that she's awesome. Did you know she can swordfight too?"
  1574. >"Hay yeah she can, my gal's one of the coolest chicks I know! You just need to be more confident, Flutters, and you'll get a stallion in no time!"
  1575. >Fluttershy hasn't stopped smiling, but she has stopped moving. She remains completely still, not blinking.
  1576. >"Me and Anon gotta hit the gym though, so we'll see you around? Maybe tomorrow?"
  1577. "No, not tomorrow, we have that thing at your place."
  1578. >"What? Oh. Oooh, yeah, that."
  1579. >Dash nods, then whispers harshly to Fluttershy behind a hoof.
  1580. >"We're gonna see how many positions we can do before we black out from exhaustion!"
  1581. "Dude don't tell her-- oh look, she's gone red now, you ass."
  1582. >Dash chortles, but begins dragging your arm.
  1583. >"C'mon, gym closes in an hour, we've gotta make the most of it."
  1584. "Alright-- laters, Shy," you manage to blurt before you're pulled away.
  1585. >You jog down the dirt path with Dash flapping alongside, making jokes and punching each other in the arm.
  1586. >Fluttershy stays where she is, still smiling at the place you once were.
  1587. >A bird flutters from a tree, lands on her head, sings for a bit, then takes off.
  1588. >Still she stands.
  1589. >Five minutes after you're gone, her eye twitches once and she sucks in a huge breath.
  1590. >"CELESTIA FUCKING DAMN IT!"
  1591.  
  1592. ---
  1593.  
  1594. Jellyfish, but also anarchy.
  1595.  
  1596. >Within the violet field, everything is tinted a shade of glistening purple.
  1597. >It tingles your skin, further emphasising the surreality of your weightlessness.
  1598. >Twilight Sparkle sits below you, gazing up at your levitating form with a frown.
  1599. >She wears it often, and wears it well.
  1600. >Her near-constant interactions with you tend to have that effect.
  1601. >"I don't get it, Anon."
  1602. >There's a rant coming. Her voice has that edge to it.
  1603. >The little mare sits herself on a cushion and directs you to hover a bit lower.
  1604. >Your feet don't touch the ground, but at least from this height you won't damage anything if she drops you.
  1605. >It's happened before.
  1606. >"Everything should work, but it doesn't."
  1607. >She'll cite a book. She always does with a leading statement like that.
  1608. >"Turquoise Petal said in her essays on romance--"
  1609. >There it is.
  1610. >"--That the surest way to a stallion's heart is to make yourself invaluable. To prove to him that you can be everything he needs, and ultimately, everything he wants."
  1611. >You're rotating over to the left through no fault of your own, so with a flick of her horn she nudges you back over to face her.
  1612. >"How long have you lived here?"
  1613. "Six months."
  1614. >"Right. And in that time I've done everything I can to give you everything you want."
  1615. >She shrugs.
  1616. >"Is it not enough? Clothing, food, a roof-- uh, canopy, over your head?"
  1617. "It's great, and definitely appreciated. Left."
  1618. >She rotates you back to the left so that you're facing her again.
  1619. "But I'm not into you. I'm sorry."
  1620. >"Turquoise--"
  1621. "I know what she said, but she's clearly wrong."
  1622. >Twilight snorts.
  1623. >"She's not -wrong-, Anon, she's the prime authority on matters of courtship and romance."
  1624. "And even then, she's wrong. Look, place yourself in my shoes for a moment."
  1625. >She nods and smiles, always delighted whenever you play thought-experiment games with her.
  1626. >Probably should have seen that as an early sign of her infatuation.
  1627. "You're pulled from your perfectly, painfully, ordinary life here in Equestria and dumped on a world populated by... let's say really small jellyfish. They waddle around on land, have jellyfish conversations, laugh at jellyfish jokes, and have this whole entire jellyfish culture set up."
  1628. >"Jellyfish can't survive on land, though."
  1629. "And ponies can't talk where I'm from. You're in another dimension. Do you get me?"
  1630. >"No?"
  1631. "Okay, you're suddenly surrounded by aliens. An alien culture on an alien world populated by aliens that look absolutely nothing like you. You can talk to them, and they're pleasant, friendly, more than happy to show you hospitality and hear your story. Some of them even become your friends."
  1632. >"But they're jellyfish."
  1633. "Exactly. Jellyfish. Now imagine that one of them takes a liking to you and wants to start a romance. This jellyfish only comes up to like, your knee, but that's besides the point. It wants to seduce you. Woo you. Get jiggy with it. Right?"
  1634. >"Right."
  1635. "So. What do you do?"
  1636. >"I... use my magic to get home."
  1637. "You can't. Your horn dissolved when you first arrived. You're stuck and there's no way out. Some of the jellyfish wizards try, but they can't send you home either."
  1638. >"Then I'm stuck?"
  1639. "For the sake of argument, yes. You have to live in this strange world with these strange creatures. One of them is trying to get in the sack with you. The jellyfish sack."
  1640. >"I'd have to politely turn them down."
  1641. "Exactly! So you understand."
  1642. >"Sure, but only because my heart belongs to you. I would never cheat on you like that."
  1643. >You squint at her and tilt your head.
  1644. "Alright, might have missed the point. Let's go back to when I wasn't here and you were just living on your own."
  1645. >"I'm not on my own, Spike's here too."
  1646. "Whatever. Just you and Spike, then you're in jellyfish country. What then?"
  1647. >"Oh, well that's easy. I accept the jellyfish's proposal and start a relationship with them."
  1648. "I'm... sorry?"
  1649. >"Sure. Why not? If I'm stuck there I might as well do my best to become a part of their community. If getting felt up by a tentacle creature is how I do that, then so be it."
  1650. >She runs her tongue over her teeth behind her lips.
  1651. >"Sounds kind of neat, actually. I'd be interested to see what tentacles could do in the bedroom. But yes, that's what I'd do. What's your point?"
  1652. "You're just saying you'd do it to yank my chain."
  1653. >She shrugs.
  1654. >"It's a bare-bones comparison to your own situation. What, do you think I was just going to suddenly agree with you that it's weird? Come on, I like to think I'm a bit smarter than that."
  1655. "But you see the logical progression? Strange world, strange creatures--"
  1656. >"I've already fallen in love with you, what's the difference between you and a jellyfish? If I was going to fall for an extra-dimensional ape-monster twice my height, it's not too much of a stretch to think I'd be into a knee-high jellyfish as well."
  1657. >She purses her lips in thought before speaking again.
  1658. >"I'm... -super- deviant, Anon. Basically any kink you can think of I've probably mulled over myself. Apes? Sure. Jellyfish? Let me at 'em. Manitcore? I couldn't tell you how many times I've fantasised about -them-. Just me alone in the woods, no Fluttershy to help me, then I get pinned under this huge beast and he's strong but also tender because he can smell my marehood, since I'm in heat--"
  1659. "Twilight, can you please let me down already? I have nothing else to say."
  1660. >"You have plenty to say. Starting with why you're not attracted to me. Is it a human taboo?"
  1661. "Kinda, yeah?"
  1662. >"Then get over it. You're not on Earth anymore."
  1663. "Some taboos can't be broken."
  1664. >"Like the clothing one?"
  1665. "Great example, yeah, like that one."
  1666. >"Well the clothing thing I can understand; you don't have fur or anything to protect you from the elements so you have a legitimate reason to wear them. But not sleeping with a member of a different species? Where's the logic in that?"
  1667. "It's not anything to do with logic, just preference."
  1668. >"So you're prejudiced, is that it?"
  1669. "What? No."
  1670. >"Why is it no? You just said it's down to preference. You don't like ponies because you're discriminatory towards them. You have judged them prematurely. Prejudice."
  1671. "It's not about judging, I like what I like."
  1672. >"That's literally judging something."
  1673. "What, you don't have standards? Why don't you go down the street and have sex with Mr Cake?"
  1674. >"Because he's... married."
  1675. "There you are then. You won't touch him because he's married. A cultural taboo prevents you from making a move. You'll not make a move on him because he's hit some sort of filter in your mind that blocks any notion of you going for him. Are you attracted to him?"
  1676. >"Mr Cake? Uh, no."
  1677. "Strike two. Why not? Is he not good enough?"
  1678. >"No, he's just..." she shakes her head. "It's not the same."
  1679. "It's completely the same. You can't levy the charge of discrimination against me when you do it yourself, you hypocrite."
  1680. >"Alright, I'll concede that." She shudders, and the vague fear arises that you might be turning her on. "We're both guilty of discrimination and being slaves to taboo. So, from this we can infer a logical way forward."
  1681. "Which is?"
  1682. >"We abolish taboo."
  1683. >You wait for the punchline. None comes.
  1684. "Abolish..."
  1685. >"Taboo."
  1686. "Which one?"
  1687. >"All of them. The concept itself. All taboo must be destroyed."
  1688. "That doesn't make sense."
  1689. >"It makes perfect sense. If taboo is what's keeping us from each other, then we have to dismantle taboo."
  1690. >A blackboard and chalk are summoned. Twilight gets to work etching out... something.
  1691. >"If this is to work, we need to dismantle the historical, cultural, and moral power structures keeping the taboo in place. We need to--"
  1692. "We're talking about my taboos here, Twilight, not yours."
  1693. >"Yes, but it's about precedent. If we remove the barriers here, it may encourage you to remove your own barriers. I'd be taking the first step. Relationships are about trust, aren't they? Turquoise said that. Now, in order to remove the power structures we'd first need to abolish the government, which would mean the assassination of Celestia. Fortunately, I've long planned for this outcome. I call it the Daymare Sun Scenario."
  1694. "You're not killing Celestia."
  1695. >"Technically the Elements of Harmony will be doing that, but I'd need to get the girls onboard first..."
  1696. >She devolves into mumbling. The diagrams and annotations on the blackboard grow ever more complicated.
  1697. "If you're going to plan all this out, could you at least let me go? I need to take a piss. And warn the Mayor about your treason."
  1698. >"Shush for a second, how does this sound?" She whacks a pointer stick against the board. "First we initiate a mass propaganda campaign across Equestria to plant the seeds of revolution. Under pseudonyms, obviously. We then spend the next year fostering a public will for a rejection of modernity and a transition into an anarchist state - well, not 'state' to be technical, but you get the idea - with no conventional government or legal structure. With that out of the way--"
  1699. "It's already insane. Please let me go."
  1700. >"Not yet. With that out of the way, we use the tide of support to pressure Celestia to step down. If that doesn't work, we paint her as an antagonistic figure and turn Equestria against her. Then we launch a false-flag attack on the most high-profile group of useful idiots in support of the revolution, and paint the whole thing on the Equestrian government."
  1701. "This is something you've just cooked up, or have you been sitting on this for a while?"
  1702. >"Half and half. Anyway, the false-flag attack will spark violent riots, we use this as a catalyst for assassinating Celestia under the guise of defending the people from her tyranny, and in the power vacuum that follows we repeatedly neutralise any figureheads that rise to replace her."
  1703. "Why that?"
  1704. >"Because there will be a rush to reinstate order after her death and the collapse of the government. We have to eliminate any would-be successors, and we keep doing it until no one else wants to take the job. It's a chilling effect, see? In this state of turmoil, people will eventually realise that there's no need for a government ruling over their lives, and will return to a life of subsistence farming and bartering."
  1705. "That's presumptuous."
  1706. >"We'll encourage that mindset by killing anyone that tries to form any sort of larger community. This whole time we'll be spreading more propaganda about how the only way to live is as individuals. Once most of the population realises that this is the true path, anarchy will emerge organically. It'll be every pony for herself, and tradition, history, and taboo will all crumble overnight."
  1707. "As well as any sense of security and hope for the future."
  1708. >"Yes, but it's all in service of a greater good."
  1709. "Which is?"
  1710. >"In the void of arbitrary societal constraints, you will be liberated from your self-imposed shackles."
  1711. >She nods, as if confirming her own words.
  1712. >"And then you'll put your dick in my butt."
  1713. "Well, Twilight, it's... a plan."
  1714. >"A good one, right?"
  1715. "Is there any way to -avoid- all that death and suffering?"
  1716. >"Well, you could just, like, accept my love?"
  1717. >She smiles.
  1718. >"Come on. I want my big strong jellyfish to take me to bed."
  1719. "And I'll not be doing that. What with the taboos, and all."
  1720. >She rubs her eyes with a foreleg, a pained expression, and a groan.
  1721. >"Look, Anon, it's really easy."
  1722. >You're yanked down nose-to-nose with her.
  1723. >"Either you take me upstairs and mate me, something that I've decided -will- involve tentacles since you've got me hot and bothered, or I dismantle the government and plunge Equestria into a dark age of tribalism and fear. Either way, I'm going to get what I want, so, -logically-, you should probably take the easier option."
  1724. >You swallow.
  1725. "When you put it all like that, I've not got much of a choice, have I."
  1726. >"Nope."
  1727. "Then I guess we'll go upstairs then."
  1728. >"Great!"
  1729. "One request."
  1730. >"Shoot."
  1731. "No tentacles."
  1732. >"I'm afraid that's not negotiable."
  1733. "Damn."
  1734.  
  1735. ---
  1736.  
  1737. Flutterrape has changed. The other day I saw someone suggest that perhaps the path forward is to embrace and love the ponies, and I had to stab myself with an adrenaline needle to prevent my heart stopping. What an appalling concept.
  1738.  
  1739. >"Anon! Anon!"
  1740. >Derpy bursts into your office, heaving and panting.
  1741. >You glance up from your morning agenda, spare a brief look at her frazzled, crazed expression, then look down at your work again with a grunt.
  1742. "Morning, Derpy. What is it this time."
  1743. >"We've got a problem with the Anons, they're not working!"
  1744. >You tense.
  1745. "They're not... unionising, are they?"
  1746. >"No sir, worse!"
  1747. "They're leaking things to the press?!"
  1748. >"No! Worse!"
  1749. >You run your fingers back through your hair.
  1750. "Jesus, what, are they using the bathroom on company time?"
  1751. >"They're being horny!"
  1752. >Your agenda is immediately forgotten as you grab Derpy under your arm and sprint out the door.
  1753.  
  1754. *
  1755.  
  1756. "Miss Hooves, how long have they been like this?"
  1757. >"I-I'm not sure specifically, sir, but ever since we brought Starlight Glimmer on-board it's been getting worse. It's tanked in the last week then I came in this morning and, well..."
  1758. "And you didn't tell me until now?"
  1759. >"I thought she had things under control... Are you mad at me?"
  1760. >You look down at your secretary.
  1761. >She peers up, or one of her eyes does at least, shoulders raised and head slumped, as if expecting a blow.
  1762. "Never at you, but I will be mad if we don't get this sorted out. Where is Glimmer now?"
  1763. >"She's in the break room."
  1764. "It's half eight, shouldn't she be at her station?"
  1765. >"That's one of the ways things have been getting worse, sir."
  1766. "Bloody nora."
  1767. >You descend the stairs and stroll onto the main floor, Derpy at your heels.
  1768. >An Anon sits lounged in his chair, feeding strawberries to a pony, Roseluck, you think. She wraps her lips around one and runs her tongue along its underside. The two share a clandestine giggle.
  1769. "Morning."
  1770. >Anon leaps out of his skin and pulls his seat right up to his desk, hands resting on the keyboard.
  1771. >"Good morning, sir! Mr Anon, sir!"
  1772. "What," you point at Roseluck, frozen in place with a strawberry between her lips, "is this."
  1773. >"That's, uh," he laughs breathlessly, "ah, that would be Roseluck, sir."
  1774. "I see. What's she doing at the moment?"
  1775. >The mare scrambles to the Anon's side and plants her hoof on his groin.
  1776. >"Just fondling him, sir! You know, a bit of workplace harassment, that sort of thing!"
  1777. >"Oh! Crap, look at her go, molesting me as usual, how awful!" the man laughs again, his eyes dart between you and Derpy, who for her part looks equal parts unamused and nervous.
  1778. "That's nice. See, from the top of the stairs just now it looked like you were making goo-goo eyes at each other and feeding her strawberries. But you wouldn't be doing that at Flutterrape, would you?"
  1779. >"No! No sir, never, that would go against the company charter!"
  1780. "Which is?"
  1781. >He flaps his lips uselessly, and Roseluck fills in for him.
  1782. >"It's Flutterrape, not Flutterconsensual," she says with a broad smile, though the bead of sweat running down her temple betrays her.
  1783. "Very good. Tell me, have either of you seen Starlight Glimmer this morning?"
  1784. >Roseluck winces and the Anon twists in his seat to gawk at an empty station close to the stairs leading to your office.
  1785. >"She's... just visiting someone in another department, I think. Yes, that's right."
  1786. "Derpy tells me she's in the break room. Will I find her in the break room if I go there?"
  1787. >"P-possibly, sir, I don't know, she didn't tell us where she was... going."
  1788. "I see. Thank you for telling me."
  1789. >You stare at Roseluck.
  1790. "I think you might be in the wrong department, Roseluck. Don't you?"
  1791. >"Y-yes sir, I'll head back downstairs now, I just needed to check something with Anon here."
  1792. "What, exactly?"
  1793. >"I, I," she trembles.
  1794. "Don't be here when I get back."
  1795. >You stroll on with Derpy dutifully at your side, and Roseluck collapses against the Anon, fanning herself with a hoof and hyperventilating.
  1796.  
  1797. *
  1798.  
  1799. >You barge through the break room door to find Starlight Glimmer disentangling herself from an Anon, who lunges for the other exit and vanishes.
  1800. >He was in such a rush he left his tie on the floor.
  1801. >Starlight straightens her mane with magic and gives you the same nervous laugh that seems to be all the rage this morning.
  1802. >"G-good morning, Anon! What can I do for you?"
  1803. "I've been in my office lately."
  1804. >You plant yourself in the seat opposite her, and Derpy takes the seat beside you, shuffling it closer so that she's nearly touching you.
  1805. "Haven't had much chance to go out and about. Neither has Derpy, really. We've both been a bit inundated. Rough waters for the company and all that, you know how it goes."
  1806. >"Right sir, of course. Well, my department are doing their best to keep up with things, don't you worry."
  1807. "Really? Because I've just been there now, and I see Anons feeding ponies strawberries."
  1808. >"That's... highly irregular and a definite breach of etiquette, I'll find the Anon responsible and see that he's brought in for a disciplinary, sir."
  1809. "Would you? Good to hear. You might have to book quite a few disciplinaries though, seeing as how," you slam your palm on the table, "the entire fucking office is one George Michael song away from making foals!"
  1810. >Both Derpy and Glimmer jump, and Glimmer tries to laugh.
  1811. >"I-It's not that bad, I'm sure--"
  1812. "One Anon had a mare under his desk between his legs. Why would that be the case, Glimmer? Why were they all smiling? Why, wherever I turn, do I see man and mare fondling each other and giggling like it's -fucking- prom night?"
  1813. >"It's," she wets her lips and glances at Derpy. Derpy holds her gaze and says nothing. Glimmer straightens up and swallows. "It's for morale, sir."
  1814. "Elucidate," you say with a clenched jaw and narrowed eyes.
  1815. >"The Anons work hard, and I thought it might be good for them, well, they -and- the company mares, to be fair, to blow off steam."
  1816. >She nods as if to convince herself that her hole-digging is a good idea.
  1817. >"So I said it would be okay for them to mingle. To... fondle each other and make goo-goo eyes, as you put it. In the spirit of raising morale and by extension productivity."
  1818. "Derpy?" you say softly to your aide.
  1819. >Derpy reaches into her saddlebag and fishes out a folder, flipping through it for a spell then giving it to you.
  1820. >You glance over it, grimace, and set it before Starlight, tapping it with a finger.
  1821. "Our weekly productivity charts show output plummeted last week. When did you enact this policy of yours?"
  1822. >"Last... last week-- but it's helped! Anons are happier to come into work, and they're putting their inflamed passions into their work and stories! It's helping us!"
  1823. "And what sort of stories would these be, Glimmer?"
  1824. >"What do you mean? It's Flutterrape, same as always."
  1825. >Derpy wordlessly gives you another folder. Glimmer shoots her a dirty look, but Derpy remains stoic.
  1826. >You skim-read the contents and your nose wrinkles.
  1827. "Anon is raped by Twilight and... they live happily ever after. Lyra and Bon Bon double-team Anon and... they start a harem. Anon realises he loves his rapist and marries her and they have children. I see. Glimmer?"
  1828. >"...Sir?"
  1829. "When exactly did Flutterrape turn into Nothing More Pure?"
  1830. >Were it not for the faintly ticking clock, you could hear a pin drop.
  1831. >She swallows.
  1832. "Because if I recall, and correct me if I'm wrong, but when you came in for your interview, your employment history said you were coming from NMP. I'm sure your expertise at your previous job is well suited for a management position here, but why are you bringing an NMP ethos into a workspace about the exact opposite premise?"
  1833. >"This strategy has proven effectiveness, it worked for Nothing More Pure--"
  1834. "Precisely, it worked for -them-."
  1835. >You rub your eyes and stand up. Derpy remains seated, but watches you pace.
  1836. "Starlight Glimmer, this is Flutterrape. We are a company about ponies -failing- in their attempts to get into Anon's pants. We're about the chase and the rush and the close-calls. The slapstick and the hilarity. On occasion we do allow for sappy endings and changes of heart, but these instances must be kept to a minimum."
  1837. >"But what about making Anons happy? Are they not entitled to their waifus and clop?"
  1838. "If they want waifus and clop they can go to Nothing More Pure and frolic about with the weird, quasi-religious cult-like mentality they all seem to have over there. Flutterrape is about ponies being denied hot monkey dock and the--"
  1839. >"Dick, sir," Derpy corrects.
  1840. "Dick, thank you, Derpy. It's not about giving in to your urges and railing every pony that gives you bedroom eyes, it completely undermines the point of the genre if the Anons that work here go about fraternising with mares in the workplace."
  1841. >"I'm... sorry, sir," Glimmer mumbles, "it won't happen again."
  1842. "No. It won't. Pack your things up and be out of here by ten. You're fired."
  1843. >She gapes at you.
  1844. >"What! You can't just fire me, I need to be given notice!"
  1845. "Maybe in a place where unions are allowed, but not here."
  1846. >"No unions?!"
  1847. "You didn't read your contract, did you?"
  1848. >"I-I," she gives Derpy a panicked look, "and you're okay with this? As a mare you've got to understand, surely! We have needs! Anons have needs!"
  1849. >Derpy shakes her head, her lips tight.
  1850. >"Miss Glimmer, I am a married mare with a young daughter and a loving stallion. I can't condone fraternising with Anons. It's just not right."
  1851. >Glimmer's expression twists into disgust.
  1852. >"You're married to a... -stallion-?"
  1853. >"Of course I am, and I love him very much. Our love is wholesome."
  1854. >"There is -nothing-," Glimmer hisses, "-nothing- more pure than the love between a man and--"
  1855. "Great. Then I'm sure NMP would love to have you back. Get out of my break room or I'll remove you myself."
  1856. >Glimmer storms from the room and slams the door behind her.
  1857. >A few ticks pass before you collapse into her seat and regard Derpy wearily.
  1858. "Hell of a morning, Derpy."
  1859. >"Should I give Fluttershy a call again? Maybe she's changed her mind?"
  1860. "Please," you look at the clock and lament how many hours are left before you can call it a day. "This place is falling apart without her."
  1861. >"She'd never have allowed mares into the main offices like that." Derpy smiles. "She used to throw staplers at me if I so much as looked at an Anon when I was passing through to your office."
  1862. "She was a true believer. So, I didn't finish checking earlier, what's on the agenda for today?"
  1863. >"Proposals from marketing at nine, you're free until twelve, then sometime between twelve and two you'll get ambushed by a mare and taken against your will."
  1864. "Good. Any idea who?"
  1865. >"I think today it'll be Sassy Saddles."
  1866. "Sassy. Now there's a mare that understands the boundaries between rape and love. A real professional."
  1867. >Derpy catches your eye and raises her eyebrows expectantly.
  1868. >You chew your lip in thought.
  1869. "Think she'd be up for Glimmer's job?"
  1870. >"I think she'd be a fine fit if she got the training for it, sir."
  1871. "Then make it happen. Thanks, Derpy."
  1872. >You sip the mug that had mysteriously shown up without you noticing.
  1873. "Thanks for the drink, too. What is it?"
  1874. >She smiles and says nothing.
  1875. >You stare into the liquid, then slowly look up at your secretary.
  1876. >"I didn't get the position I have today without being sneaky, sir."
  1877. "You're god damned right you didn't. You're a credit to this company, Derpy. I'm damned proud of you and always will be."
  1878. >She blushes, sitting up straighter.
  1879. >"Th-thank you, sir. That means a lot coming from you. Sweet dreams."
  1880. >You nod.
  1881. >Then slide off your chair and black out just Derpy undoes her mane bun and shakes her mane out.
  1882.  
  1883. ---
  1884.  
  1885. "I guess that's why there is a Flutterrape thread, and not an Applerape thread.
  1886. It's much more amusing if the would-be rapist isn't very competent. It presents far more opportunity for comedic misadventures if the antagonist can't actually pulverize your pelvis."
  1887. - Anonymous, regarding Precious Angel
  1888.  
  1889. >"Morning partner!"
  1890. >You wipe your eye of sleep and squint at her, not sure she's actually there or if you're having a post-sleep hallucination.
  1891. "Applejack."
  1892. >"That'll be me. How're you doing?"
  1893. "I'm... surprised. Where's Fluttershy?"
  1894. >"Not heard? She's got Feather Flu, can't even lift a hoof, poor critter."
  1895. "And is this you letting me know?"
  1896. >"Nah, Shy asked me to fill in for a few days, so here I am. How'd you wanna go about doing this? Here okay or do we go inside first? To be honest I'm kinda lost with this whole thing, not the kind of hoedown I'm choice to partake."
  1897. "You're not serious."
  1898. >"Why not? This means a lot to her and I thought it'd be right to keep things moving. Course she's not here to see how it all goes on, but I thought I'd take a swing and let her know how it went when I visit her tonight. So, inside or out? I ain't picky."
  1899. >You suck in a deep breath and wipe your eyes more vigorously.
  1900. >Aggravating as she is, Fluttershy at the very least isn't a crack-of-dawn type like Applejack.
  1901. "Fine, do it here, at least we're getting it done early."
  1902. >"That's what I was thinking! You and me'll get along just fine while Fluttershy is laid out, don't you worry. So, you're into apples, right? They're your fetish?"
  1903. "Ugh, no."
  1904. >Applejack smiles at you.
  1905. >Hers is a wholesome smile. A smile of the morning sun and honest labour; satisfied and contented; wholly without malice.
  1906. >She doesn't twitch, or even blink, speaking again without breaking her smile.
  1907. >"Say again, partner?"
  1908. "No. You know I don't like them." You fold your arms and look past her at the emerging sun, having not yet climbed the horizon. Far too early to be doing this. "I prefer oranges, to be completely honest."
  1909. >Applejack is quiet. You glance back at her.
  1910. >"Listen, Anon, I'm trying to be neighbourly, not just to Shy, but to you as well. This'll be a lot nicer if you try and be polite in turn."
  1911. "I'm just saying," you say with a shrug, "I'm not into them."
  1912. >"So if I were to crush an apple over your head, and let the juices dribble down onto your naked body, that wouldn't do anything for you?"
  1913. "Uh, no, definitely not-- man, I thought you were one of the normal ones?"
  1914. >"If I smeared apple sauce on your chest, nothing?"
  1915. "Are we done now? I'd like to get back to my morning. Tell Fluttershy I said hi, or something."
  1916. >You close the door.
  1917. >Or you would, if a hoof hadn't stopped it.
  1918. >You press with both hands, but you aren't able to stop Applejack keeping it open with a single, irresistible hoof.
  1919. >Her morning smile has vanished.
  1920. >"Alright partner, now let's get something clear. Apples are an underrated kink. You can do a lot with them, understand?"
  1921. "What, scrubbing apple juice on everything? Let go of my door or I'll start shouting."
  1922. >"You can eat them, you can mash them, you can crush them, and you can squash them. Plenty of uses in the bedroom."
  1923. "Mashing, crushing, and squashing are the same thing."
  1924. >She snorts.
  1925. >"See, that's it. That's how I know you're uneducated. It'd be best if I just showed you."
  1926. "You're not showing shit, now get off my doorstep, I'm getting annoyed."
  1927. >Applejack lets go of your door and you collapse against it as it leaps back into the frame.
  1928. "Do me a favour and stay away until Fluttershy is better. It'll mean a lot less aggro," you bark through the wood.
  1929. >You hear mumbling, and snort.
  1930. "Stupid c--"
  1931. >Your door implodes, the handle embedded in the wall.
  1932. "What!" is all you can squawk.
  1933. >Applejack storms inside, grips the door, and wrenches it free of the wall.
  1934. >It slams again with such force it cracks the frame.
  1935. >"I. Wasn't. Finished."
  1936. "You broke my door, you psycho!"
  1937. >"This, is an apple," she fishes an apple out from under her hat as she speaks. "It is Celestia's gift to the chosen few that understand how to use it in their private lives. If you ain't willing to learn, then I'll teach until you do."
  1938. >Applejack steps forward.
  1939. >You grab the aluminium bar you keep hanging on a hook on the wall in case of Fluttershy emergencies.
  1940. "I'm warning you!"
  1941. >"Do it," she goads, "foreplay is a healthy and proper part of any roll in the hay."
  1942. "I swear I'll do it! Right in the head!"
  1943. >She doesn't move.
  1944. >She'll duck though, you're sure of it, she's not dense.
  1945. >With some reservations, you tighten your grip on the bar.
  1946. >And swing for her head.
  1947. >She doesn't duck.
  1948. >The bar collides with her skull and a resonating 'pang' echoes around the house.
  1949. >You pull back, stunned.
  1950. >Then look at the bar, bent convex where it hit Applejack's head.
  1951. "Wh--what?"
  1952. >Applejack's morning smile returns.
  1953. >"See, just like I said. I knew me and you'd get along. Now hold still."
  1954. >She twists her neck and cracks it.
  1955. >"Let me educate'cha."
  1956.  
  1957. >If nothing else, you learn a lot about apples and their fetishistic application that morning.
  1958.  
  1959. ---
  1960.  
  1961. ">"Is sending the holidays with your loving wife your fetish, Sugarcube?"
  1962. - Anonymous 1
  1963.  
  1964. "It is.
  1965. But now she's back at Earth and I'm here. Stuck with you."
  1966. - Anonymous 2
  1967.  
  1968. >"Glad you've decided to stick around Ponyville, Anon. Means we'll be nice and close for when Hearth's Warming rolls around."
  1969. "I'm not staying because I want to, Applejack, I just don't have the money to move."
  1970. >"Money nothing, you just don't want to leave me, do you?"
  1971. "I want to leave more than anything."
  1972. >"Don't go being a sourpuss now, you'll love it at Hearths Warming! Whole family gathers round, gives presents, eats good food. It's real nice. And there's a seat at our table if ever you want, and a spot in my bed if you'll oblige me."
  1973. >She nudges your arm and chuckles. She waits for an answer. She huffs.
  1974. >"Well you ain't endearing yourself by being mute, even if I do like the strong silent type. What's got your tie in a knot? Money?"
  1975. >You watch a pair of fireflies dancing around a streetlamp, and don't answer for a moment.
  1976. "I want to go home, Applejack," you breathe at last.
  1977. >"Yeah, it's cold out. You can come home with me if you'd like, my bed's real warm, promise."
  1978. >She grins, but it fades quickly.
  1979. >"Shoot, Anon, you look lost. You feeling alright?"
  1980. "No, I'm not. I want to go home, God how long have I been here? Has it really been a year already?"
  1981. >"Oh, that home... Twi said you can't go back, Anon, and I ain't one for magic and such but she seemed pretty convinced. It's not so bad around here though, right? You've got friends, neighbours, maybe more if you'll say yes to a certain mare."
  1982. >The fireflies continue to skip and bounce around each other, twirling in helixes and bounding off one another, only to meet again and again.
  1983. "I miss my wife."
  1984. >Applejack's head pulls back.
  1985. >"Wife...? Landsakes man, you're -married-?! You've gone all this time without breathing a word!"
  1986. "Not anyone's business but my own."
  1987. >Applejack's brow furrows. She takes off her hat and finally joins you on the bench.
  1988. >"Well... darn it all. If I'd known I'd... I'm real sorry, Anon, I didn't know you were a family man."
  1989. >She sighs, electing to watch the fireflies with you.
  1990. >"So what's she like?"
  1991. >In spite of yourself, you smile.
  1992. "She's my best friend."
  1993. >Applejack leans in, attentive, but respectful.
  1994. >A half-hour rolls by and you regale her with growing vigour, even laughing at points in your own stories.
  1995. >The mare doesn't pull her usual tricks. No touching your leg or glaringly unsubtle 'hints'.
  1996. >Instead, as you finish, she slides off the bench and dons her hat again.
  1997. >"So, you coming?"
  1998. "Back to your place? Applejack, I'm not--"
  1999. >"For dinner, Anon. You're freezing and need a good meal in you."
  2000. "Nothing else?" you say hesitantly.
  2001. >"Nothing at all."
  2002. >She gives you a big smile.
  2003. >"Least I can do for you."
  2004. >You both depart, and after a time, the fireflies meander away together into the night.
  2005.  
  2006. ---
  2007.  
  2008. LunaRape.
  2009. Or is it?
  2010.  
  2011. >You run, but it feels like you're wading through syrup.
  2012. >The distant cackles echo closer. She's almost upon you.
  2013. >A doorway of light beckons to you, its white glow warms your face even from this distance.
  2014. >You strain harder, willing your legs to move, but the harder you push the slower you progress.
  2015. >"Are you afraid, Anonymous?" her voice comes at you from multiple angles. "Your salvation is right there! You need only reach out and touch it and you'll wake up!"
  2016. >You're reaching for it now, though you don't remember stretching your fingers out.
  2017. >It doesn't matter. Touch the light and it'll all be over.
  2018. >"Poor little human, lost in a nightmare," the voice mocks, "Who shall comfort him? Why, I think only a mare born of nightmares could bring him peace."
  2019. >Her voice brushes your ear, and a tongue traces your jaw. You flinch away and turn, but no one is there.
  2020. >Something constricts your lower half, but you're focused on the doorway.
  2021. >"Only I can save you. Just give in. Surrender to me, and I promise you such pleasures that you'll wish the night could last forever."
  2022. >You look down to find that you've sunk into the floor, the grass now up to your chest.
  2023. >A blanket of stars and midnight blue envelops you from behind, drapes around your form, then washes over to coalesce to before you.
  2024. >From its depths emerges Princess Luna.
  2025. >Thunder booms from distant storm clouds, and her glory is as beautiful as it is terrible.
  2026. >She grins, her teeth now fangs, and delighted predatory eyes drink in your powerlessness.
  2027. >"Tonight, we put an end to this adorable cat and mouse game we've played until now. Tonight we--"
  2028. >"Hi Anon!"
  2029. >Luna, your struggling, the wind, and really all the night-time ambience around you, ceases.
  2030. >You stare bewildered at the figure now next to Luna.
  2031. >Luna mouths silent words, her momentum vanished.
  2032. >"Wh... Cadance?"
  2033. >"Hi Aunty Luna! Listen, yeah, sorry, just gonna mosey on in here and uh, take over for a while just--"
  2034. >"What? This is -my- realm! You can't command me--"
  2035. >"Just gonna scooch you outta here, I'll not be long, promise--"
  2036. >"This is preposter-- How are you doing this?! Stop!--"
  2037. >"Juuust gonna be a little while, okay? Great, thanks Aunty!"
  2038. >Luna vanishes, as does the grassy knoll, the starlit night, and just about everything else in this hellish vision you'd been sprinting for your life (or chastity) through up until now.
  2039.  
  2040. *
  2041.  
  2042. >You sit in a garishly pink cafe with Cadance sat opposite you, blinking through squinting eyes at the sudden blast of daylight coming in through the window beside you.
  2043. >"So! Hi! Been a while since we--"
  2044. >A very small and very angry upper-half of Luna bursts out of a teapot between you with the lid on her head, soaked in black tea.
  2045. >"Just where the -hell- did you learn to manipulate dreams like that, -I- am the mistress of the night, not-- no! Not again! Gods dammit Cadance I'll have your crown for this!--"
  2046. >The teapot slams shut with a wisp of baby-blue magic and Cadance's already strained smile strains further.
  2047. >"Yeah, sorry for hijacking your thing like this, Anon, I'm sure you were ready to have a good time with Luna but this was kind of important so I needed to swing by."
  2048. "I-I... Cadance, thanks for the save, but I don't know what's happening, you're gonna have to throw me a bone."
  2049. >"Oh. You're in a dream, and this is an intervention."
  2050. "For what?"
  2051. >"You. More specifically what you've been doing since you got here. What you've -not- been doing, I should clarify."
  2052. "Here... the dream? I've been running from Luna, she's gunning for my horse-virginity."
  2053. >"Mhm, yeah, it's really sweet, I know, but she can wait for now, nothing that happens in dreams is real anyway, so! Let's talk about Fluttershy."
  2054. >You squint at her.
  2055. "Flutt... I thought this was about Luna?"
  2056. >"Oh no, heavens no, it's about Fluttershy." She snorts. "Come on, Anon, when are things -not- about Fluttershy around here?"
  2057. "But Luna--"
  2058. >"Luna's irrelevant right now. There was a dream, but now that's been put on hold and you can get back to it later. Let's talk about Fluttershy."
  2059. >A bulging, battered, burgundy folder bound - perhaps optimistically but fruitlessly - in string materialises before Cadance and flops onto the table. A few stray photographs cast out from within the paper bulk.
  2060. >They're of either yourself, Fluttershy, or both.
  2061. >"So... First of all hi, nice to see you, been a while, I'm doing fine, so is Shiny, heard about your whole not-ever-going-home thing and that sucks, but anyway--"
  2062. >You deflate and sink into your seat, ready to endure a different kind of hell.
  2063. >"As you know, I'm the Princess of Love."
  2064. >You give a weak shrug.
  2065. >"You -didn't- know? Oh. Well, I am. That's my thing. Aunt Tia has the sun, Aunt Lulu has the moon, Twiggles has, uh, books, I think? But I'm concerned with getting ponies to, um."
  2066. >She clears her throat.
  2067. >"You know. Fuck."
  2068. "Please can I have some tea."
  2069. >"It's not real, we're in a drea--"
  2070. "-Please- can I have some tea."
  2071. >A cup and saucer are summoned, and for a moment you expect a tiny Luna to come tumbling out of the spout riding the steaming stream.
  2072. >You neck the whole thing and ask for another.
  2073. >Cadance makes you four more cups before she denies you a fifth.
  2074. >"As the Princess of Love, it's my duty to make sure the ponies of Equestria find their soulmate."
  2075. "I read once that soulmates are a stupid concept invented by romance authors too lazy to write a believable romance between partners that would otherwise need to reconcile and compromise to make their relationship work."
  2076. >"And they were absolutely right, but this isn't a romance novel, this is real life."
  2077. "I thought this was just fantasy."
  2078. >"The dream is, but everything outside, including Fluttershy, is definitely real."
  2079. >You slump further into your seat.
  2080. >"So pretty soon after you showed up my horn went crazy and I knew another soul-bond had formed, and I tracked down Fluttershy to tell her the good news."
  2081. "That I was destined to be her soulmate?"
  2082. >"You?"
  2083. >Cadance bursts out laughing.
  2084. >High-pitched, full of snorting, slamming her hoof on the table and bouncing the teapot, ultimately sagging against the surface and wheezing her lungs out.
  2085. >"Oooh god, -god- no, you're not her soulmate."
  2086. "Oh. Oh!" You sit up a bit. "That's... great news, actually!"
  2087. >"Yeah, yeah, no, you blew him up."
  2088. "...What?"
  2089. >"Oh sure, the moment you first showed up in Equestria. It was the weirdest coincidence. So the guy that was -actually- Fluttershy's soulmate had only just become aware of Fluttershy's existence, but literally, like, the exact second he learned about her, processed her, and realised he adored her more than life itself, you showed up out of some funky wormhole or whatever and totally gibbed him."
  2090. "Gibbed?"
  2091. >"Yeah. Gibbed. Turned into giblets. You showed up inside his body and the displacement of air and atoms popped him like a balloon. It was horrifying."
  2092. "Oh my-- oh god! Wh-why did no one tell me about this?!"
  2093. >"Well you know, no one wanted to hurt your feelings so we thought it'd be best to keep you in the dark."
  2094. "So I-- I -killed- a guy?! Then why the hell are you telling me now!"
  2095. >"Oh, uhh."
  2096. >Cadance purses her lips.
  2097. >"Good point."
  2098. >The two of you stare at one another.
  2099. >"Uh, anyway, back to Fluttershy. So, because magic is a fickle bitch who needs to be spanked like the naughty filly she is, whatever weird love-magic voodoo was going on in the dude you unknowingly blew to pieces in front of a crowd of mares and children transferred over to you."
  2100. "...Huh?"
  2101. >"You're now Fluttershy's soulmate even though technically you aren't. I mean you don't -feel- like it, and you sure as hell definitely aren't right for her as far as relationships go."
  2102. >She opens the file and skim-reads the top page; a photograph of you facing away from the camera and scratching your ass is paper-clipped to the top of it.
  2103. >"I mean, you're just -awful-, frankly. Never seen a more ineligible bachelor in my life. You're like the worst aspects of malehood wrapped in repressed sexuality, social retardation, and unproductive delusions of grandeur."
  2104. "Th-thanks."
  2105. >"So basically, even though you're not even remotely Fluttershy's - or anyone else's - soulmate, you've gotta like, uh, fill the role."
  2106. "Or else... what?"
  2107. >"Or my horn won't stop itching."
  2108. "Is that it?"
  2109. >"Do you have an itchy horn?"
  2110. >You open your mouth.
  2111. >"If you make a dick-joke I'll literally kill you."
  2112. >You close your mouth.
  2113. >"Well it's awful. The itch is like, -inside- the horn. Can't sleep these days unless I'm so exhausted I collapse. Are there bags under my eyes right now?"
  2114. "Huge bags."
  2115. >"Ugh, this is the worst. So anyway, I told Fluttershy to do everything she can to woo you, and it's been several months, and I'll be honest I'm starting to get desperate. Hence the intervention."
  2116. "So, uh, just whilst we're on the topic of mares, what about Luna?"
  2117. >"What about her?"
  2118. "How does she... fit in, to all this?"
  2119. >"She... doesn't?"
  2120. >The clock on the wall ticks by as you frown at each other.
  2121. >"What does Luna have to do with anything I've been saying?"
  2122. "But the dream--"
  2123. >"We've already established this story has nothing to do with Luna, Anon. Luna isn't a character. Stop bringing up Luna. God, if I wasn't hellbent on getting you shacked up with Fluttershy I'd marry you and Luna tomorrow."
  2124. >She reaches over the table and slaps you so hard you fall out your seat.
  2125. "What the hell was that for?!"
  2126. >"Sorry! Sorry, I'm -super- stressed right now, I've had an itch I can't scratch for literally half a year, can you please sit down so we can sort this out?"
  2127. >You drag yourself back into your seat, but lean back with a wary look about you.
  2128. >"Now. Fluttershy."
  2129. "Right. Fluttershy."
  2130. >"Yeah."
  2131. >She does a 'shoo' motion at you with her hooves.
  2132. >"Go... go ream her, or something. Stick a ring on it. Stick yourself in her ring. And by ring I mean butthole. Go do star-crossed lovers stuff."
  2133. "Cadance, I'm not even remotely attracted to her!"
  2134. >"Nor is she attracted to you. She's doing that whole 'daily guess' thing because I suggested it. She was gonna be attracted to that other guy."
  2135. >She flips a few pages and sighs, gazing longingly at the file and photo of who you presume is the guy, though you can't see his picture.
  2136. >"He was a stud. A real go-getter. He'd have brought Fluttershy out of her shell and made her into the mare she was always meant to be, and she'd have cooled his temper and turned him into a god-damn alpha stallion."
  2137. >She shrugs.
  2138. >"Ah well, now he's paste and seventeen foals have to go to counselling. So it goes in love and war."
  2139. "If I agree to shack up with Fluttershy, will you leave me alone?"
  2140. >"Sure."
  2141. "And Luna?"
  2142. >"What the f-- Anon, Luna isn't important! What the hell is wrong with you?"
  2143. "We're in a dream!"
  2144. >"So what?!"
  2145. "Luna's dream!"
  2146. >"-Your- dream, idiot, Luna was just invading it to act out her weird rapey fantasies!"
  2147. "Is that not at all relevant to the situation?"
  2148. >"What planet do you live on, it's not even remotely relevant!"
  2149. >She covers her face and lets out a strangled scream.
  2150. >"When you wake up, go bang Fluttershy or so help me Faust I'm coming over to Ponyville personally and I'll start removing fingers and toes until you do!"
  2151. "Do I not get -any- say in the matter?!"
  2152. >"No! You don't! Now -wake up-!"
  2153.  
  2154. *
  2155.  
  2156. >You flail about in bed and sit up, heaving and sweat-soaked.
  2157. >Princess Luna sits in your reading chair by your bed with a book.
  2158. >"Oh. You're awake."
  2159. "Prince... uh, what are you doing here?"
  2160. >"Reading. Obviously. I -was- going to have some fun, but -someone- decided to kick me out of my own realm."
  2161. "But what are you still, uh, doing here?"
  2162. >She blinks.
  2163. >"I'm... reading. Have you gone deaf?"
  2164. "No but I mean why... forget it."
  2165. >She frowns at you.
  2166. >"Since you're up, you might as well get me a drink."
  2167. "Why?"
  2168. >"Because my libido was just murdered by my treacherous niece, I'm thirsty, and I'm your Princess. I demand a drink."
  2169. "Well what do you want?"
  2170. >"Chardonnay."
  2171. "I don't have any."
  2172. >"Well then go and get some!"
  2173. "Are all Princesses absolutely psychotic?"
  2174. >She ponders this and offers a non-committal 'eh'.
  2175. >"Celestia's relatively normal."
  2176. "Relatively?"
  2177. >"Once every hundred years she eats like, seven mares."
  2178. "...Eats?"
  2179. >"Oh yes, swallows them whole. Like a snake eating an ostrich egg."
  2180. "Wh-why?"
  2181. >She shrugs.
  2182. >"Boredom, I think. Now, chop-chop with the wine."
  2183. >You're about to, but stop short of getting out of bed.
  2184. "I can't."
  2185. >"Why not."
  2186. "I, uh, I need to go to Fluttershy's house and tell her she's my soulmate."
  2187. >"...Why?"
  2188. "Because if I don't Cadance will come over and take my fingers."
  2189. >Luna stares at you.
  2190. >"What in -Equestria- does that have to do with my Chardonnay?"
  2191. "Nothing?"
  2192. >"Then why did you bring it up? Go get my drink, then you can play around with Fluttershy, good Faust man are all humans this confused?"
  2193. >You want to reply.
  2194. >You want to keep the conversation going out of a sense of morbid curiosity.
  2195. >But you can't.
  2196. >Your vital spirit has left you.
  2197. >Instead, you slink out of bed, put on your dressing gown and slippers, and venture out into the night to see if there are any stores in Ponyville still open at three in the morning that sell Chardonnay.
  2198. >Fortunately, there are.
  2199. >Unfortunately, by the time you deliver the bottle to Luna (after which she grunts her thanks and teleports back to Canterlot with your book and a pair of socks), you come to Fluttershy's house only to find Celestia cramming a squirming yellow back-leg down her throat.
  2200. >"Good evening, Anonymous," she coos after swallowing, "do you know where I might find an, ah," she retrieves a half-checked list from within her mane, "Octavia Melody?"
  2201. >Well.
  2202. >At least Cadance won't have an itchy horn anymore.
  2203.  
  2204. ---
  2205.  
  2206. "Ah, so quiet in the late nights."
  2207. - Anonymous, with a picture of Rarity
  2208.  
  2209. >The door to Carousel Boutique opens to reveal Rarity in a dressing robe.
  2210. >She leans against the frame and bounces her eyebrows at you.
  2211. >"What an wholly unexpected surprise, Anonymous."
  2212. "I'm here about the babysitting gig?"
  2213. >"The baby... pardon?"
  2214. "Foalsitting, sorry."
  2215. >"Oh yes, that, come right in! May I make you a drink?"
  2216. "No thank--"
  2217. >An entire bottle of moonshine is pressed against your chest before you can finish.
  2218. >With nowhere to put it you keep it grasped in both hands.
  2219. >Rarity falls into a chaise long positioned right by the entrance.
  2220. >An empty, discarded tub of strawberry ice-cream lies on its side beneath it.
  2221. >"Oh Anonymous, it's simply dreadful, just dreadful!"
  2222. "What is?"
  2223. >"Sweetie Belle! She's..."
  2224. >She fans herself and whimpers.
  2225. "If she's a lot to handle it's fine, I'm good with kids, or at least I was at home."
  2226. >"Hm? Oh, no, Sweetie's staying at Applebloom's tonight."
  2227. "What? Then why did you post request for a foalsitter?"
  2228. >"I wasn't sure what other word to use."
  2229. "For?"
  2230. >"For keeping me company for the evening."
  2231. "Maybe a sleepover?"
  2232. >"You think so? Fascinating. You've got such a way with words. Are you a writer? I've always wanted to marry a writer."
  2233. "I should have guessed this was too good to be true-- listen, I'm gonna head off, just let me know if you ever need me to actually foalsit Sweetie, god knows I need the money--"
  2234. >A sack of bits the size of your head is dumped on top of the moonshine in your arms.
  2235. >Rarity says nothing, but gives you an expectant look.
  2236. >You wet your lips and jiggle the sack in your arms.
  2237. "I suppose I can stay for a while. I know a few ghost stories."
  2238. >"Marvellous. Now, do you do massages? My legs hurt."
  2239.  
  2240. *
  2241.  
  2242. >"So that's when I decided I needed to be a fashion designer. It was the only way to stop the voices."
  2243. "And are the bodies still buried under the kitchen?"
  2244. >"Oh yes, the whole boutique is built atop a foundation of the corpses of those that tried to stop me. So, tell me about yourself, were you always human?"
  2245. "Uh. Yes?"
  2246. >"-Really-? I find that hard to believe. I thought for a while you were just wearing an elaborate suit."
  2247. "You thought I was a pony?"
  2248. >"Oh don't be ridiculous, a pony!"
  2249. >She laughs.
  2250. >"Ponies. Pural. I thought there were two of you in there, perhaps one stood on the shoulders of the other. I was looking forward to being spit-roasted when I opened the suit and revealed your secret and threatened to tell the world but the two of you begged me to stay quiet but then I'd have jiggled my hips and things would have escalated like in that sitcom I saw once about the plumbers and the lonely housewife who had been feeling neglected by her husband who always went on business trips."
  2251. >You nod slowly and remain focused on her hoof and working your thumbs into her frog.
  2252. "Do you still want me doing this, by the way?"
  2253. >"Please. It's ever so nice. Just to be clear, you aren't two ponies in a suit?"
  2254. "Definitely not."
  2255. >"Pity. Do you have genitals at least, or am I wasting my time?"
  2256. "What are you planning, exactly?"
  2257. >Rarity stares at you, her expression gradually contorting to one of worried confusion.
  2258. >She glances round at the low-lit bedroom; the rose petals scattered about, curtains shut, saucy jazz lilting from a phonograph, and heady aroma of a dozen different perfumes coalescing into a mix that makes your head spin.
  2259. >"I was very much hoping for a creampie, if that's not too much to ask."
  2260. "Oh. They sell them at sugarcube corner, I think."
  2261. >She rolls her head back and regards the ceiling.
  2262. >"Give me strength," she mutters.
  2263.  
  2264. *
  2265.  
  2266. >"Please, tell me you understand. Please."
  2267. >She's not looking at you, instead covering her eyes with a hoof.
  2268. >You glance at the blackboard and its array of scribblings, Venn diagrams, flow-charts, and bullet points.
  2269. "I..."
  2270. >She looks hopeful.
  2271. "Don't get it."
  2272. >She sags to the floor with a sound like a balloon losing its heft.
  2273. >"I-I don't know how much clearer I can be! Just, look, look at the chart, -here-."
  2274. "Alright."
  2275. >"So I want -you-," she gestures at you, "to pin -me-," gestures at herself, "against the -bed-", gestures at the bed, "and -breed- me."
  2276. "But what does bread have to do with it? I thought we were wrestling?"
  2277. >She bursts into tears, becoming a pony-shaped heap of misery and unmet womanly needs, and with nothing better to do you eventually leave her there and go home.
  2278. >Not a bad evening, all things considered.
  2279. >You got some money and moonshine out of it.
  2280. >You'll have to swing by more often. She's an odd host, but gracious.
  2281.  
  2282. ---
  2283.  
  2284. "You'll have to swing by more often."
  2285. - Anonymous 1
  2286.  
  2287. "you'll have to swing by more often"
  2288. - Anonymous 2
  2289.  
  2290. >"Anon? Can you push me?"
  2291. >You watch Scootaloo closely.
  2292. "No."
  2293. >She pouts, kicking her rear legs fruitlessly in an effort to make the swing move.
  2294. >"Come on, just one push? Please?"
  2295. "I know how this works. It doesn't matter what I do in this town, someone is gonna rape me."
  2296. >"What's rape?"
  2297. "You know when Rainbow Dash enters her season and there's a spike in stories of mares being abducted and dragged into clouds by a mysterious hooligan with a rainbow mane and tail, but no one can figure out who it is because she's wearing a paper-plate mask, and all the mares that encounter her complain about having sore back legs afterwards?"
  2298. >"Happened to Miss Cheerilee last week."
  2299. "Yeah. That."
  2300. >"You're afraid that if you push me you're gonna drag a mare into a cloud and make her legs sore?"
  2301. "No, that's-- shit I missed my own point."
  2302. >You sit down on the swing beside Scootaloo.
  2303. "Scoots, I'm a man on the edge."
  2304. >She glances at your bottom.
  2305. >"No you're not, you're on a swing?"
  2306. "I'm a man on the edge of my swing, and it's gotten to the point where it doesn't matter if I stay in my room all day or pluck up the courage to venture outside for a walk only to be asked in passing by a little filly to push her on a swing a few times, at some point today I'm gonna get fondled and I'm sick of it."
  2307. >"Why not just go home?"
  2308. "I can't. The portal to Earth is in Twilight's bedroom and I am -not- going back in there."
  2309. >"Why not?"
  2310. "Have you ever been in Twilight's bedroom?"
  2311. >"No?"
  2312. >You rest a hand on her head.
  2313. "Precious filly. Gentle child. Treasure your innocence for as long as you can."
  2314. >"So does this all mean you're not pushing me?"
  2315. "I'm afraid I can't. If I do I'll get raped."
  2316. >"But you said it doesn't matter. So doesn't that mean you sitting down will make you get raped too?"
  2317. >You stare at the filly.
  2318. >She stares back, but with an underlying air of fear.
  2319. "Oh god."
  2320. >Out of the shredded woodchips that serve as cushioning beneath the swingset, a figure bursts forth.
  2321. >A blue figure with a rainbow mane and a paper-plate mask.
  2322. >"Boo! I'm in season and I'm gonna eat your-- wait, neither of you are mares."
  2323. >"Agh!" screams Scootaloo, scootishly, "it's the Masked Mare Marauder! She's going to cloud-duct me!"
  2324. >She launches off her seat and runs away from the scene, not even looking back to check if you're okay.
  2325. >Wow, some friend she is.
  2326. >"Well this is a bust."
  2327. >The Masked Mare slumps into the unoccupied seat and looks sidelong at you.
  2328. >"What's up, champ? You look glum."
  2329. "I am glum, Masked Mare. I keep getting raped."
  2330. >"Yeah that's how it goes. By who?"
  2331. "Everyone. Fluttershy. Twilight. Fluttershy again. It just never ends with these people. Is this all life in Equestria is? Just a never-ending carnival of rape?"
  2332. >"I mean, kinda?"
  2333. "But why?"
  2334. >"Well what else is there to do? Tea-parties? Birthday parties? Regular parties?"
  2335. >She looks away.
  2336. >"All anyone ever does around here is throw parties. Last week we all attended a party to celebrate Zecora being white with black stripes."
  2337. "I thought she was black with white stripes."
  2338. >"So did we, that's why it was such a shock when we found out."
  2339. "But the raping?"
  2340. >"It started as a novel way to pass the time but now it's so commonplace it basically doesn't matter. That's why I go around wearing a mask, keeps things interesting."
  2341. "You know, you kinda look like Rainbow Dash."
  2342. >The Masked Mare removes her paper-plate mask.
  2343. >The face beneath it is quite literally a " :) ", drawn on sideways as if with a black marker.
  2344. "Oh."
  2345. >"Yeah, I was born with a hideous deformity that gives me this face but also I look nearly identical to Rainbow Dash."
  2346. >Stuck for an answer, you kick your legs a bit and swing slightly.
  2347. "What do I call you, then?"
  2348. >"H̸h͟͡H͜͜h̵H̶h͟͡"
  2349. "Oh okay. Hey, H̸h͟͡H͜͜h̵H̶h͟͡?"
  2350. >"Yeah?"
  2351. "Life feels like one massive stream of consciousness dictated by a maniac who's only writing out a single draft, spellchecking it once, then submitting it. Do you ever feel like that sometimes?"
  2352. >"Yeah," says H̸h͟͡H͜͜h̵H̶h͟͡, "I do feel like that sometimes."
  2353. "So are you going to rape me?"
  2354. >"No, I'm only into mares."
  2355. "Alright then, that's some good news at least."
  2356. >You each nod, and both go back to gently swinging in silence.
  2357. >"She might be looking to rape you though."
  2358. >H̸h͟͡H͜͜h̵H̶h͟͡ gestures off to the side and you see Twilight prancing closer with a whip, a tub of Vaseline, and the largest pomegranate you've ever laid eyes on.
  2359. >"It's Twilight Time!" Twilight cheers.
  2360. "Man, I hate Twilight Time."
  2361.  
  2362. ---
  2363.  
  2364. This one wasn't even in an FR thread, I just thought it was funny and wrote a bit.
  2365.  
  2366. "DAAHHHH LOOK AT ME IM ANON GREEN SKIN AND SUIT. NO FLUTTERSHY DONT GUESS FETISH (audience laughter) EHHHHHH DONT RAPE ME (audience screaming, hooting)"
  2367. - Anonymous.
  2368.  
  2369. >You slouch in your front-row seat, glaring at the stage.
  2370. >The actor, a broad green-coated stallion dressed in a black suit and red tie, is putting everything he has into his drawling, shouting idiocy.
  2371. >Whoops and cheers thunder about you, the walls of the theatre hall tremble from the audiences' approving stomps.
  2372. >Fluttershy nudges you from her own seat to your left, needing to raise her voice over the din right in your ear.
  2373. >"Is this good? Do you like it?"
  2374. "It blows," you grunt.
  2375. >"Oh... W--well I think the lead actor's doing a great job! He's even wearing a suit, like you!"
  2376. "Fluttershy, I haven't worn a suit since I first came thrashing and gasping out of Ponyville Lake."
  2377. >You glance down at yourself.
  2378. "Basically just been pants and t-shirts ever since."
  2379. >The stallion playing you runs about on stage and trips over his own hooves, crashing into a heap to the audience's shrieking joy.
  2380. >"UUH, DO YOU TAKE CREDIT CARDS?" he bellows.
  2381. >Cheerilee, sat to your right, doubles over and collapses off her seat, wheezing with tear-stained cheeks.
  2382. >"It's so true! You -did- say that once!"
  2383. >You slouch further into your seat, arms folded closer to your chest, barely able to hear anything the actors on-stage are saying over the braying crowd behind you.
  2384. >"Would you like daisy and daffodil sandwich, Anon?" the yellow-coated actress in a flowing pink wig says, loudly and deliberately.
  2385. >"FLOWERS? WHAT ABOUT PROTEIN! I WANT TO EAT A CHICKEN!"
  2386. >The audience howls.
  2387. "I swear this is racist, or something," you grumble.
  2388. >Another light poke from the esteemed stage director to your left.
  2389. >"The stallion next to me says he's from the Canterlot Herald, and that it's the best performance he's seen all year! Isn't that great?"
  2390. "Don't care."
  2391. >"Aren't you proud of me? Are you sure stage productions aren't your fetish? I think I'm pretty good at them!"
  2392. "God damn bullshit."
  2393. >You glare about at the venue.
  2394. "This isn't even the right thread. Flutterrape's over on page four."
  2395. >She pats you sympathetically.
  2396. >"Would you like to go back to the hotel? We could sleep in the same bed?"
  2397. >You let out a world-weary sigh.
  2398. >Equestria's the worst.

[FLUTTERRAPE] Happy Birthday

by Nebulus

[FLUTTERRAPE] Science

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[ANON IN EQUESTRIA] Commando

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[FLUTTERRAPE] Three Anons One Pit

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[FLUTTERRAPE] Demon Swords and Dark Overlords

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