Best Mother Ever: Scene One [Pinkiemom x Anon]


                                            Archive:

                                            https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/34628354/#34660425

                                            https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/34741826/#34749175

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                                            "Mom, I'm home!"

                                            >You slam the door behind you, throwing your school bag on the floor while kicking your shoes off your feet.

                                            >"NONNERS!"

                                            >A split second passes and your entire world is engulfed in pink, your connection to the outer world cut off by an ICBM of a hug.

                                            "MooOOOOooom... I'm not a little kid anymore!"

                                            >"Sorry~" She releases you, smiling sheepishly. "I'm just SUPER DUPER happy that you're here, because I have a SUPER DUPER suprise for you!"

                                            >Great, that means there's probably a jump-scare waiting for you in your room.

                                            "Mom, can we not? I have test tomorrow in long division, and it's-"

                                            >"PFFT-, SILLY BILLY." She snort-giggles. "NOTHING can stop a surprise when it's set in motion! C'mon!"

                                            >She drags you into the kitchen, shoving a ham-and-cheese sandwich in your face and a glass full of pineapple juice.

                                            >More pineapple juice. That's about all you've been drinking this last week, seems like.

                                            >You gobble up the sandwich, watching your mother humming to herself while stacking dinner plates into the dishwasher.

                                            "Do we finally have some *other* kind of juice? Is that the surprise?"

                                            >"WHAT?" She moves in her typically spastic kind of way, almost headbutting you. "But you LOVE pineapple juice!"

                                            "I mean, I guess..."

                                            >"Well, hurry up and finish your drink, I'm gonna get ready."

                                            "Can I just have water..?"

                                            >"Finish. Your. Drink."

                                            >You gulp as she eyes you over her shoulder, her demeanor flipping like a switch as she skips out of the living room.

                                            "Fine, I'll drink your damn pineapple juice..."

                                            >You mutter, making sure she can't hear you.

                                            >"Nonners!" She skips back into the living room as you chug the last of the juice. "We start in ten minutes, okay?"

                                            "Huh?"

                                            >"My room in ten minutes, cupcake." She ruffles your hair, smiling wide. "Make sure that cutesy little head of yours is ALL doused in water first. You're going to LOOOOOVE~ this!"


                                            >You stand ready, your hair thoroughly doused in water.

                                            >You only dried it a little so it wouldn't drip all over the floor.

                                            >As strange and unexpected as her antics can be, the worst thing that's ever happened is a bunch of laughs.

                                            >It's best not to question her too much, better just to wait and see what she has in store.

                                            "Mom! Can I come in?"

                                            >It's 3:00 PM exactly, which means the ten minutes are up.

                                            >"Come in!"

                                            >Opening the door, you stop dead in your tracks.

                                            >The blinds are shut, and there's a camera on a tripod overlooking the bed, hooked up to a laptop on the bedside table.

                                            >And there's your mother sitting on the bedside, wearing a bathrobe.

                                            >Her hair is down, like STRAIGHT down. That IS your mother, isn't it?

                                            "Uhh, mom..?"

                                            >You slowly back away.

                                            >It feels like you just walked in on something you REALLY shouldn't have.

                                            >"Something wrong, cupcake?" She smiles coyly. "Come in."

                                            >You've never seen her hair like that, that's the stuff of legends. You've only seen it in pictures from when you visited the rock farm.

                                            >Plus, her voice is all... measured.

                                            >You close the door behind you, keeping your distance from the bed.

                                            "W-what are you doing?"

                                            >"Here, put this on." She straps something to her head, handing you a black piece of cloth.

                                            >An eye mask. You'd make a joke about robbing a bank, but...

                                            >"You know, disguising yourself is easier than you'd think. With just this mask and my hair down, I could be a thousand different people."

                                            >Yeah, this is much weirder than usual.

                                            >"Same applies to you with the wet hair, of course. Put on the mask."

                                            >You sit on the bed beside her, quickly tying the mask around your face.

                                            >Somehow, you feel like making her repeat herself right now would be a VERY bad idea.

                                            >"Good boy."

                                            >She pushes a key on the laptop, looking at the camera as she snakes her arms around you in a hug.

                                            >"Welcome, everyone!" She speaks to the camera. "In case you can't read the title, this is 'Best Mother Ever: Scene One.'"


                                            "M-mom..? What's going on?"

                                            >You cower inside the hug, suddenly feeling stressed out.

                                            >*DING*

                                            >A bell noise sounds from the laptop, your mother leaning over to look at the screen.

                                            >"Aww~" Your mother coos. "Y'know, for a 'shota-destroyer', you sure have cheesy taste. This is a good starter."

                                            "Uhh, mom? Who are you talking to? What's a shot destroyer? Is that a video game?"

                                            >*DING*

                                            >She flips the laptop around so you can see the screen, frowning as she closes a pop-up window.

                                            >Taking up most of the screen is the camera feed of the room, with a fast-moving chatroom covering the rightmost strip.

                                            >"Excuse me, traps_are_gay_and_okay, I'm not fucking choking my son, you fag. There are rules in the description for a reason."

                                            >Stunned, your jaw drops.

                                            >You've NEVER heard her swear even ONCE.

                                            >And what was that about choking? WHAT?

                                            >"Cupcake," She turns to you, smiling all motherly. "I would *never* do something like that to you. You know that, right?"

                                            "M-mom, what's going on?"

                                            >"Shh..." She gently pushes you on your back and straddles you, touching your lips with a finger.

                                            >"If I told you, it wouldn't be much of a surprise, now would it?"

                                            >Strands of pink hair fall all around your face, giving you a tunnelvision-like view of her face during its descent, a kiss landing on the tip of your nose.

                                            >Then your cheek.

                                            >And your forehead.

                                            >And your other cheek, as you attempt to move your face away from the kissing onslaught.

                                            "M-mom, you're being really weird..."

                                            >"I know, cupcake. But it's okay, I know you're ready."

                                            "R-ready? Ready for WHAT?"

                                            >*DING*

                                            >"Good question, let's find out." Your mother gets off you, looking giddy at the computer. "This is why surprises are the best~"


                                            >"Ooh-la-la, /ss/-officer with a good one. Thank you for the contribution!"

                                            >Contribution..?

                                            >*DING*

                                            >"And-HEY." Your mother snarls, looking angrily at the camera. "You again with the choking? And NO, he's not secretly a girl, just you wait."

                                            >*DING*

                                            >*DING*

                                            >*DING*

                                            >"Oh, so now everyone wants choking, huh?" She makes a show for the camera of tapping the keyboard. "MUTED~"

                                            "M-mom, are there people watching..?"

                                            >"No worries, they can't hear us anymore." She stands on her knees next to you, putting her midsection on your eye level. "Untie this, will you?"

                                            "W-what?"

                                            >You stare at the band of cloth tying the robe around her waist, then up at her face.

                                            >She looks completely serious, giving you this weird, half-lidded look...

                                            "B-b-but, then you'll... you'll be..."

                                            >She nods along with your stammering. "Mhm."

                                            >A pit sinks into your stomach.

                                            >You didn't want to believe it, but this is starting to sound like one of those situations Cheerilee taught you about in that class a couple of weeks ago.

                                            >What did she say you should do, again..?

                                            "I-if I say no, y-you can't make me..!"

                                            >WAIT, that wasn't even the biggest thing!

                                            "I-i-it's not legal! I'm below the age of consent! It's bad! W-we can't..."

                                            >"Aww..."

                                            >Having closed your eyes out of fear, you peer out, relieved to see your mother smiling gently as she sits next to you.

                                            >"Don't be afraid, Anon. Illegal doesn't necessarily mean bad."

                                            >She hugs you, kissing your forehead.

                                            >"LOTS of wonderful things can happen from breaking the law. Like YOU."

                                            "M-me..?"

                                            >"YEAH. I mean, it was *technically* illegal because your father was unconscious at the time, but HE was the one who knocked on MY door, okay? He was trick-or-treating by HIMSELF, how SAD is THAT? So OF COURSE I invited him in, but the candy I gave him was accidentally a drug pill, HONEST MISTAKE, but his droozy-woozy face was SO CUTE that I just-"


                                            "Wait, dad?"

                                            >You gulp, trying to take in the mountain of information she just dumped on you in a single breath.

                                            >"...and the fact that I got pregnant is PROOF that I'm NOT a pedophile, because he OBVIOUSLY wasn't a child if he could impregnate someone, that's like the WHOLE DEFINITION. They're not children if they can do that, and I was still a teenager back then myself, so-"

                                            "Y-you told me you met him as a royal guard..."

                                            >"...and JUST BECAUSE I think they're cute doesn't mean I'm always into them, I babysat TONS of times without going past first base, and if I did it was because THEY came on to ME, so *I* was the victim WAY MORE-"

                                            "Mom? He's busy in Canterlot, right?"

                                            >"...it's all Marble's fault anyways for being so clingy when we were kids, because if she hadn't always hugged me in the bathtub because she was afraid of sinking into the water, I would be TOTALLY normal. Not that I'm ABNORMAL or anything, it's just like how some people are left-handed and some people-"

                                            "MOM."

                                            >"Huh, what?" Your mother blinks.

                                            "WHERE. IS. DAD?"

                                            >"Oh, he really is in the royal guard somewhere. I met him there years later without him recognizing me, so *technically* I wasn't lying. And by *meeting* I mean making silly faces at him while he pretended to be a statue."

                                            "W-what? But-"

                                            >"But the point is, you don't have to worry your silly little willy about ANYTHING."

                                            >Big doubt.

                                            >"Cheerilee was right, you know. You don't HAVE to do anything. You like her, right?"

                                            "I... I guess."

                                            >"And this town! You wouldn't want to move away, would you?"

                                            "M-move? Away from my friends? No!"

                                            >"That would make anyone sad. And when you're sad, I'm TWICE as sad."

                                            >She giggles, poking your nose.

                                            >"If you do what I say for juuuust~ a little bit, that won't have to happen. This won't hurt, promise!" She bumps her right eye with a fist. "It'll even be fun!"

                                            >You feel your worries evaporate.

                                            >That was a Pinkie Promise.

                                            >She NEVER breaks a Pinkie Promise.

                                            "O-okay..!"


                                            >"KYAA-" Your mother squeezes you into her chest, your head bumping into embarrassing places. "I'm SO LUCKY to have you!"

                                            >She rushes to the laptop, leaving you to catch your breath.

                                            >"Hellooo~" You hear another DING as your mother turns the audio back on.

                                            >"Any bondage-loving freakshows still in here?"

                                            >*DING*

                                            >"I am HAPPY to inform you that I have been granted CONSENT, so there will be NO NEED for any restraining action! Not that I was planning that! HAHA-"

                                            >*DING* *DING*

                                            >"So aaaaall~ you CRUSHING DISAPPOINTMENTS OF HUMAN BEINGS can go to your PARENTS with that. I'm sure they'll be happy to STRANGLE you as long as you aim your jizz to the side! HAHA-"

                                            "Mom... you're scaring me..."

                                            >"Sorry!" She gets in your face, tears of joy welling in her eyes. "I'm just so HAPPY that you'd GRACE me with your YOUTH! Unnf~"

                                            >You recoil, your mother moaning inches away from you.

                                            "G-grace you? Mom, I don't get anything you're saying."

                                            >"Okay-okay, calm down..." She takes a deep breath, muttering to herself. "I'm normal... I'm normal... I'm normal... I'm normal..."

                                            >You gulp, watching her take progressively deeper breaths while fading out her mantra.

                                            >"Alrighty, remove your shirt." Your mother practically commands.

                                            >She sounds like she did when you first walked in here. Like, calm and composed.

                                            >The speed of the switch was uncanny.

                                            "S-shirt coming right off..."

                                            >You REALLY don't want to find out what happens if she loses her patience with you in this state.

                                            >But you'll probably get a decent idea in your nightmares soon enough.

                                            >"Hmm, yeah..." She licks her lips as you throw your shirt on the floor, giving you the shivers. "Oh, to hell with it. Just take it all off."

                                            >*DING*

                                            "A-all of it..?"

                                            >"Well, besides the eye-mask." She nibbles at her thumb, otherwise sounding calm. "Yes."


                                            >Reluctantly, you remove the rest of your clothes, making sure your back is turned to the camera.

                                            >"Now sit..." She taps her thigh, telling you to sit on her lap.

                                            "R-really..?"

                                            >She nods slowly, giving you a smile that might have felt motherly if she actually looked like your mother.

                                            >You awkwardly sit into her lap, feeling very self-conscious of the camera pointing at you.

                                            >"Here." She brushes something against your hand. "Pull this."

                                            "What do you-oh... right."

                                            >She wants you to undo her robe...

                                            >You gnash your teeth, feeling your face heating up.

                                            >It's not like you have a choice at this point, so...

                                            >Closing your eyes, you pull at the fabric, giving it a couple of extra tugs to undo the knot.

                                            >"C'mere, you..."

                                            >Warmth suddenly envelops you from all sides as your mother wraps the robe around you like a blanket as she pulls you into a hug, leaving only your head exposed.

                                            >It's like you're both wearing it.

                                            >"You know, that wet-haired look..." She whispers into your ear, pulling you tighter into her chest. "It really suits you."

                                            "Uhh... th-thanks..?"

                                            >"It really... really..." She runs the palm of her hand down your back, giving you weird tingles as it settles on your leg. "...REALLY suits you..."

                                            >You hear heavy breathing next to your ear, twitching as she massages your thigh with her hand, coaxing a strange, vaguely-familiar stiffness...

                                            >Despite the awkward contact with her chest area, the weird tingles, the people watching, and the fact that THIS IS YOUR MOTHER...

                                            >You should be panicking. Vomiting on the floor. Running to the other end of the continent.

                                            >All you're doing is just sitting here, letting her hug you in weird ways... and it actually feels kinda nice.

                                            >Maybe because she sounds, looks, and acts like a completely different person..?

                                            >As weird as it is to admit... she's pretty. Like that underwear model in the newspaper page you keep hidden under your pillow.


                                            >*DING*

                                            >Your mother stops fondling you, moving her hand to the keyboard.

                                            >"Heh... a week's worth of rent, just for that..?" She rests her chin on your head. "Cupcake, say uncle."

                                            "U-uncle..?"

                                            >"Pfft-HAHAHA-" You see a lock of your mother's hair starting to curl up, before straightening out again. "You fruits have issues, that's all I'm going to say."

                                            >She taps the keyboard again.

                                            >Probably the mute button.

                                            >"Okay, there's some decent requests piling up, but I'm going to improvise with them because you boring fucks made them so straight-forward. If you have complaints, take it up with Mister NO REFUNDS on your way out! HAHA-"

                                            >She snakes her arms around your waist under the fabric cover of the robe, resting her cheek on your head.

                                            >"Cupcake, there's a girl you like at school, right?"

                                            >You feel the blood rushing into your face again.

                                            "I-uhh... y-yeah, but..."

                                            >You gulp, dropping your voice to a whisper.

                                            "D-do I have to talk about that with people listening?"

                                            >"Oh, don't worry about that. They're not real people."

                                            "R-REALLY?"

                                            >She nods.

                                            >MOTHER OF ALL SIGHS OF RELIEF-

                                            >So this was all just a prank after all?

                                            "WOW, okay... you REALLY got me with all this-"

                                            >"They're LIFELESS HUSKS." Her voice suddenly sounds sharp enough to cut diamonds. "They're *breathers* who spend their meager wages on watching what their miserable fucking lives COULD have been if their mothers actually cared enough to provide some hands-on guidance."

                                            >Uhh...

                                            >So was this a prank or not?

                                            >"Then again, most of their mothers probably waited well past THIRTY to have them, and passing up on some wrinkles isn't THAT big of a loss. Am I right, guys? HAHA-"

                                            >You watch your mother snickering at the chatroom, utterly confused.

                                            >"Ah well, enough of the peanut gallery." Her voice turns gentler again. "Let's hear about the girl."


                                            >Shit... talking about your crush in front of an audience? She's really breaking new ground when it comes to invasion of privacy...

                                            >You HAVE to refuse, but if moving out of town is actually a possibility...

                                            "I mean, I'll tell YOU, but with people listening, or-uhh... 'lifeless husks' or whatever... I'm basically talking behind her back, and that's bad, right?"

                                            >"Aww..." She affectionately pinches your cheek. "That's my boy, the knight in shining armor~"

                                            >The fabric and her arms still around you, she falls on her side, taking you with her on the bed.

                                            >"I'm not going to ask for a description, cupcake, don't worry."

                                            >Yeah, you're still worried.

                                            >"Until you bring her over in a bikini, I'm more interested in YOU. More specifically... what do you want to do with this girl?"

                                            >VERY, VERY WORRIED.

                                            "Uhh... err... uhh..."

                                            >"Heh, let's make this a trade. Every time you answer that question, I'll give you a reward."

                                            >She leans forward, touching foreheads with you.

                                            >"The harder it is to tell, the bigger the reward, of course."

                                            >Huh? Is she trying to bribe you?

                                            >What could she possibly give you to match the most embarrassing conversation you can imagine having?

                                            >Did she hide something under the bed, maybe? It's hard to imagine her planning THAT far ahead, but then again, she's not exactly acting like her usual self...

                                            >Still, you should say SOMETHING, or you might get in trouble...

                                            >Jeez, if she wanted to surprise you, why couldn't she just throw some confetti in your face?

                                            "Uhh... h-holding hands, I guess..?"

                                            >"Aww, like this?" She grabs your hand, raising it into view of the camera.

                                            "I... I guess..."

                                            >You avert your eyes the moment you see your mother's exposed front, the robe now partially thrown off.

                                            >She's not even pretending to wear it anymore... it's just ON her now, like a blanket.

                                            >"You know, whenever you held my hand like this when you were younger, my heart would pound like crazy~"


                                            "O-okay..."

                                            >If anyone's heart is pounding like crazy right now, it's yours.

                                            >"When we were in public, I used to worry that I was blushing so hard that people would start asking questions..."

                                            >WHAT KIND OF QUESTIONS??

                                            >And now you're blushing, too. What's happening to you?

                                            >"You were the cutest, most ADORABLEST fucking kid..." Her breathing gets heavier. "Sometimes, I just wanted to run with you to the next bathroom and-"

                                            "T-T-THERE WAS A REWARD FOR THIS, RIGHT?"

                                            >"Mmm~ yeah." She squeezes your hand. "Do you like it?"

                                            "W-wait... THAT was the reward..?"

                                            >She just smiles, keeping your hand within her grasp.

                                            "Then... the rewards... you mean..."

                                            >"Mhm." She nods, watching with glee as the color drain from your face. "Your wish is literally my command, your adorableness. SO..."

                                            "S-so..?"

                                            >"SO, let's say you're skipping class, holding her hand LIKE THIS in the hallway, she leads you into the janitor's closet... there's not much space, so you're up REAL close, like..."

                                            >She closes the gap between your faces, stopping just before contact.

                                            >You gulp, backing away until you fall on your back, your mother using the opportunity to straddle you.

                                            >"Like this..." Her lips brush against yours as she leans down, your heart nearing ATTACK status. "...so what happens next? What do you want to do?"

                                            >She can't be serious. There's no WAY. She's messing with you. She HAS to be messing with you.

                                            >It's painfully obvious where she's leading you with this question.

                                            >She's barely even giving you a choice.

                                            "Uhmm... err-"

                                            >"Ahh, fuck it, this is boring. What am I, a playwright?" Your mother interrupts. "Just close your eyes and recite the national anthem."

                                            "W-what? You mean... the whole thing..?"

                                            >She starts humming the intro, nodding you along.

                                            "Uhh... may themmmffFF-"

                                            >Your heart heart skips a beat as her lips lock around yours, tongues touching lightly as your mother pulls back.

                                            >"Hmm, why'd you stop?"