AJ Tries to Castrate Anon


                                            [Some dipshit on /mlp/ tried to get a castration fetish writing prompt some attention, so I wrote this terrible piece back in 2015ish.]


                                            >"Howdy Anon!"

                                            >You look over to appulpone from her gate, and give her an obligatory wave.

                                            >You usually just pass by her farm on the way to the house you got in the boonies.

                                            >Better than making your own, especially with the lack of tech these ponies have.

                                            >"So listen here... A lot of us are gettin' fed up with all the sexual advances you're makin' towards us ponies."

                                            "Wait, what?"

                                            >"Some have even complained to Princelestia about ya."

                                            >What the fuck?

                                            "What the fuck? I only made a few lame pick-up lines to Twilight and a few around town that caught my eye!"

                                            >AJ looks at you like a cow looks at an oncoming train.

                                            >"Uh, from what I've been seein', it's been more harassment than what yer sayin'."

                                            "Okay, so maybe I had a little phase where I was naked. You ponies do it all the damn time, I thought it was fine!"

                                            >"Sugarcube, we got fur, and we're on all fours. You don't got a sheath an' yer dingle's at eye level for us. You scarred a good lot of foals that day!"

                                            >Stupid ass double standards.

                                            >"And you poked Rarity's eye with it, and she didn't stop cryin' for three hours. Guess who got to make her feel better?"

                                            "...Y-you?"

                                            >"That's right. Anyways, Princelestia decided with a royal decree that you have to be castrated."

                                            "Er, if it's a royal decree, that's a decision, so you saying decision before it wouldn't make any sense because- WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK?!"

                                            >She cringes a bit at your language like ponies normally do, but she continues on.

                                            >"Not only that, she's appointed me, the best farmhand in Ponyville, to do the job."

                                            "...I am a living, breathing, sentient person. I had to take that stupid as shit citizenship test to live here, I get dragged along by Twatlot and the rest of you into dangerous situations because of my immunity to magic, and I've even helped save the world once, albeit by being a douchebag. But she wants to mutilate me because I made a few harrassment cases?"

                                            >"Personally, I think it'll do you a world of good."

                                            >You glare at her like she just shat on a baby.

                                            "You what?"

                                            >"Yer always sayin' how you can't get a mare in bed with ya because you're different, so maybe if you didn't have your love makin' machine you wouldn't care so much. It'd make ya more productive, that's fer sure."

                                            "How would you feel if I gave you a hysterectomy?"

                                            >"A who what now?"

                                            >Of course the background pony doesn't know what that is.

                                            "What if I took out your uterus, your 'oven'? And cut off your clit, for that matter?"

                                            >"Anon!"

                                            "Now you know what I'm feeling."

                                            >"It's not the same, sugarcube! I got a chance of having foals someday and makin' sure the farm's got plenty of helping hooves. You, yer the only one of your kind in Equestria, so there's not much point in you keepin' yours."

                                            >You can't believe you're hearing this.

                                            >Does it not compute to them that this is unbelievably morally reprehensible?

                                            >"But it'd be a shame to not let your little guy have fun one last time."

                                            >Now you're really confused.

                                            "...You're gonna have to explain that one."

                                            >"Here's what I'm thinkin'. You 'n me can fool around tonight, but first thing in the mornin', those things are comin' off."

                                            >...

                                            "...Oooh, I get it."

                                            >She looks a bit confused, like how you were a few seconds ago.

                                            >"Whaddya mean?"

                                            "You're pulling my leg. Jeez, I thought you were being serious, haha, damn. You got me good."

                                            >AJ closes her eyes and sighs.

                                            >"Ahh, c'mon Anon. You know as well as I do I'm not playin' around."

                                            "But you are."

                                            >"Nah, I'm not. The offer's still on the table, though."

                                            "No no no, you can't be serious because this doesn't make any sense."

                                            >Her look of bewilderment only grows.

                                            "Why would you offer sexual favors right before something like this? If you weren't appalled by me and wanted to see what it was like, why in the actual fuck would you be okay with Celestia ordering you to castrate me?"

                                            >"..Er.."

                                            "Would you be fine if she asked you to cut off a stallion's dick?"

                                            >"Well, no-"

                                            "No. Why am I different? If anything, you should be putting your morals on keeping my balls as pristine as ever, considering I'm the only one of my kind. What if another human female showed up? We'd be the only chance at repopulating my race. Or would you rather have me extinct?"

                                            >AJ looks away a bit, using her hat to shield her guilty eyes.

                                            >"I wouldn't ever wish that, you know -"

                                            "That's what you're condemning me to by castrating me. Not to mention you'd be fucking my body up royally, considering my testosterone levels would drop and I'd have serious issues with fatigue and lack of appetite. You'd get rid of my sex drive, sure, but at what cost?"

                                            >"...I never thought of it like that..."

                                            "So maybe you should go talk to the Princess about this?"

                                            >"Y-yeah..."


                                            OP's premise is shit