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[REQUEST] Minion of Lulu - Shipwrecked

By Nebulus
Created: 17th December 2020 05:46:47 PM

  1. Originally uploaded to Pastebin: January 10th, 2013
  2. ---
  3.  
  4. As memory serves, I called Minion of Lulu a nigger. So he killed my sister
  5. I cried like a bitch and said that I would write a story as revenge
  6. This is what fell out of my mind.
  7.  
  8. Special thanks to Minion of Lulu, for causing this catastrophe.
  9. Alex the Narrator for being stellar and providing sweet sweet Octavia
  10. Picklehead for emotional support during my dog's pregnancy
  11. Various Anons for funding and other supportive comments
  12. -------------------------------------------------------
  13.  
  14. >Day Wrecked in Equestria
  15. >You are Anon
  16. >Reluctant party member extraodinaire
  17. >You look out over the vast ocean, looking all stoic n shit
  18. >Mutter to yourself
  19. I feel like I've seen too much of the sea recently.
  20. >First Mate Fluttershy walks up behind you and prods your butt
  21. >Turn around
  22. What now, Fluttershy?
  23. >"Umm. I was just wondering if storms were your fetish?"
  24. What are you-
  25. >Look towards where the ship is heading
  26. >A massive fucking tidal wave made of foam, water and lightning is thundering towards you
  27. In restrospect, I should have seen this coming.
  28. >The tidal wave slams into the ship and everything goes black
  29.  
  30. >Wake up some time later
  31. >Groan and stand up, rubbing your head
  32. >Try to speak
  33. >A crab crawls out of your mouth and drops to the sand, before clacking it's claws angrily and waddling off towards the sea
  34. Well fuck you too, buddy.
  35. >Look around at the wreckage
  36. >Well you're on a beach. That's one thing
  37. >Driftwood, supplies and ponies are lying everywhere
  38. >Walk over and shake Rainbow Dash, the Captain of the ship and also the best pony.
  39. >She snorts and wakes up
  40. >"Huh? Wha?"
  41. >You help her up
  42. Shipwrecked, Captain.
  43. >Rainbow Dash just stares at you
  44. >"Who are you?"
  45. Uhh. Cabin Boy Anon, Captain.
  46. >"Oh yes! O-of course!"
  47. >She leans down and whispers to a rock
  48. >"Who is this guy?"
  49. >You watch as she straightens up, and walks around in a circle for 5 minutes
  50. >"Cabin Boy! We appear to be going around in cicles! What is the meaning of this?"
  51. I think you might have dementia, Captain.
  52.  
  53. 1/?
  54.  
  55. >She stops walking and looks at you, her eyes darting all around
  56. >"I-I knew that."
  57. >She looks down the beach the boat is trashed on
  58. >"Woah! Anon! Get a load of this!"
  59. >You walk to her side
  60. What, what is it?
  61. >"There's a boat here! It's totally trashed!"
  62. >Gawp at her
  63. Captain I think you need to lie down
  64. >Dash looks at you
  65. >"Who are you?"
  66. >Groan in frustration
  67. >Great. The Captain's gone mad
  68. >Unfortunately, in the event of the Captain being unfit for duty, the duties go over to...
  69. >Sigh
  70. >First Mate Fluttershy
  71. >You stomp along the beach towards Fluttershy's unconscious body, leaving Rainbow Dash to talk to the remains of the steering wheel
  72. >Kick her awake
  73. Get up.
  74. >You sigh again
  75. ...Captain.
  76. >She bolts awake
  77. >"W-what did you just say?"
  78. >Her eyes are lit up
  79. The Captain is unfit for duty. So you're the new Captain. Please walk into the ocean and kill yourself so that Applejack can take over.
  80. >Fluttershy isn't listening
  81. >"Ohmygoodness! I'm the Captain! I can do whatever I want!"
  82. >She turns to you
  83. >"Strip naked! ...please..."
  84. >Glare at her
  85. No.
  86. >She gets angry
  87. >"I AM THE CAPTAIN! AND I SAY YOU SHOULD STRIP NAKED!"
  88. Well this is a mutiny!
  89.  
  90. 2/?
  91.  
  92. >Fluttershy screams and jumps at you
  93. >You kick her off and run back to Rainbow Dash
  94. >She tackles you from behind and you roll around in the sand towards the wreckage of the ship
  95. >She pins you down and starts trying to tear your shirt off
  96. >"YOU WILL STRIP, CABIN BOY! CAPTAINS ORDERS!"
  97. >Your arms flail around until you hit a shattered box
  98. >You look at it's contents, floating in and around the box, surrounded by seawater
  99. >Jars. Hundreds of jars.
  100. >Filled to the brim with pickles
  101. >You grab one and smash it over Fluttershy's head
  102. >She falls into the water, her head bleeding from the vegetable-induced injury
  103. >Or it might have been the glass jar
  104. >Was probably the pickles though
  105. >Lethal fuckers, they are
  106. >You walk back over to Rainbow Dash
  107. >"Woah! Who are you?!"
  108. Anon.
  109. >"Nice meeting you, Anon! Are we best friends?"
  110. Yup.
  111. >You pick best pony up under your arm and walk into the Jungle with her, leaving Fluttershy, the rest of the crew and the pickles on the beach
  112.  
  113. 3/?
  114.  
  115. >Cue Cheesy 80's music
  116.  
  117. >Anon wandered into the Jungle and became the new god of a local Cannibal Zebra Tribe, he ruled with an iron fist before he stubbed his toe on a rock and died of infection.
  118. >Rainbow Dash recovered her memory and flew back to the mainland, leaving her crew behind and making millions off the tale of her daring escape from cannibal tribes.
  119. >Fluttershy died from her injuries. Her body was swept out to sea and eaten by a shark, who promptly threw up, complaining of the bad taste she left in it's mouth.
  120. >Rarity committed suicide after she learned that she would have to live on a dirty island inhabited by filthy natives. Her body went towards feeding hungry native children.
  121. >Pinkie Pie dug a hole 1 mile deep and broke through to the planet's mantle, her body was liquified before she could throw a party over it.
  122. >Twilight Sparkle created 14 new languages before she died at the ripe old age of 104. She died a quiet death and the local Cannibals held a funeral/barbecue in her honour.
  123. >Applejack, refusing to be on the same island as a pickle, swam out to sea where she trained a shark to be her pet. She then rode it back to the mainland where she and Rainbow Dash started a homosexual relationship with each other, splitting the book profits 50/50
  124. >Celestia ruled for 9050 more years until Discord broke free and poisoned her Cheerios
  125. >Luna, driven mad with grief, crashed the moon into the planet, cracking it in half and wiping out all life except for Discord
  126. >Discord, unable to find anything to do on the barren planet, decided to make a new one. He called it Discordopia.
  127.  
  128. >Director - Nebulus
  129. >Narrator - Alex, Narrator of Flutterrape
  130. >Writers - Minion of Lulu, Picklehead42, Anonymous
  131. >Cast -
  132. >Twilight Sparkle - Twilight Sparkle
  133. >Applejack - Applejack
  134. >Pinkie Pie - Pinkie Pie
  135. >Rarity - Angelina Jolie
  136. >Rainbow Dash - Rainbow Dash
  137. >Fluttershy - Terry Crews
  138. >Anonymous - Christopher Poole
  139. >Celestia - Daniel Craig
  140. >Luna - Luna
  141. >Discord - Patrick Stewart
  142.  
  143. 4/4
  144. The End?
/FLUTTERRAPE/

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