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Zoomer in Equestria

By Rusty_Snoot
Created: 2022-08-23 22:09:16
Expiry: Never

  1. >Be zoomer
  2. >Finishing up bench day in the gym with the boys
  3. >Doing the optimum five sets of one, twelve minute rest in-between
  4. "Ayo turn the tunes up"
  5. >The cloudrap on the bluetooth speaker has reached 100 dB
  6. >You unrack the bar
  7. >Back arch: fully engaged, you're essentially doing a bridge
  8. >Let the bar bounce off your ribcage and rack it
  9. >This was a heavy day
  10. >55lbs total
  11. >"Wow man, 8 hours of chilling on the bench and 20 minutes benching, a new record!"
  12. "Yea cuh. We fucked it up"
  13. >As you make your way to the showers for brojobs your entire body begins glowing white
  14. >"Mike what the hell? You on creatine or somm bruh? Always said stay away from that shit"
  15. >The glowing ramps up, it's so bright you have to close your eyes
  16. >Suddenly, Pop!
  17. >You open your eyes and look around
  18. >You're in a fucking cow pen
  19. "What the hell? This shit is so not bussin.Sheeeeesh."
  20. >You pull out your cellular telephone
  21. "No siggy for my niggy?"
  22. >Looking closer, these cows have been staring at you since you arrived
  23. "Whatchu lookin at cuh? This bussy's for my girl (male) and my girl (male) only"
  24. >"Bussy? Young minotaur, why are you in our field at night?"
  25. >"Methinks this one might be a frisky one, ay, mary-anne? Here for some fun, young one?"
  26. >"Oh, hush, Marabel!"
  27. "Ah shit I been smoking too much of that k2, hallucination cows fucking talking again god damn it."
  28. >"Honey, I can assure you we are real. Here, calm down."
  29. >"Heh, how's this for real?"
  30. >One of the two cows sticks her face into your crotch and huffs like a madwoman
  31. "FUCK THIS I'M OUT"
  32. >Once again you sprint away from your demons. Why must you self sabotage yourself always? Is your self-inflicted punishment deserved, or something you enjoy? You have no answer except, once again, to flee.
  33. >"God damn it Marabel, why do you always have to sexually assault the cute ones? This is why we never score."
  34. >"Haha, that's me! Sexual assault! haha! Rape! Hahahaha! It's what I do! Lol I just can't help it!"
  35. >You hear a drawn out sigh behind you
  36. >Hopping the fence of the cow pen, you stop to catch your breath
  37. >After a few minutes you stand up and examine your surroundings
  38. >You can see a dimly lit town in the distance
  39. >Shit looks straight out of Disney
  40. >Disney, man, shit
  41. >Brings you back to your childhood last year
  42. >You fapped to that Instagram influencer's Disney trip for hours
  43. >Consigning yourself to a walk, you head towards town
  44. >>38984469
  45. >Be time
  46. >Be two hours later
  47. >Be ZIE
  48. >Just walked the farthest you've ever walked, approx. 2 miles
  49. >Suddenly, a pink blur shoots into your vision
  50. >"Hey, it's me Pinkie pie andnowI'mgonnatalkreallyfastbbecauseIguessnooneknowshowtowritemeandeveryoneflanderizesmyfuckingcharacter! Ooh, are you new? I should throw you a party! A "Welcome to ponyville party"! And a "Green man" party, too! I love being a three dimensional character and I'm really glad that the one party I throw isn't going to be the last time I'm relevant to the plot! Whipee!"
  51. >Before you have a chance to get a word in edgewise she's zipped away
  52. "Wait, was that a fucking pony? Like from that show fat men watch?"
  53. >Suddenly, twilight walks up
  54. >"Hello! what species are you?"
  55. "My name is-"
  56. >"DID I FUCKING ASK? LET ME REPEAT: DID. I. FUCKING. ASK?"
  57. "n-"
  58. >"Hold that thought, I'm getting a magic signal. Hmm something about you being a deadly poison to Equestria that would rot it from it's very core? And something else, about wanting to wrap a story up?"
  59. >Suddenly, twilight turns around and bucks you in the head
  60. >Your skull instantly caves
  61. >And everyone lived happily after the end

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