[REQUEST] Agnomeymous - Independence Drugs


                                            Originally uploaded to Pastebin: January 13th, 2013

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                                            So I got bored again.

                                            This happened.

                                            "Independence day parody?" - Agnomeymous

                                            and

                                            "Anon's immune system has adapted to where he has a resistance to any roofie or aphrodisiac" - Anonymous

                                            Both of you are to blame for this. Great work. Really.


                                            -------


                                            >Day 4th July in Equestria

                                            >Wake up

                                            >Look at the calender

                                            >It's the 3rd of July

                                            >Well shit.

                                            >Get dressed in the most patriotic clothes you can and walk downstairs

                                            >Eat toast and drink orange juice, like a healthy, well adjusted American.

                                            >Hear a knock on the door

                                            >Go to open it

                                            >Look down

                                            >Fluttershy, again. Stood next to a tray with a cloth covering the object underneath

                                            >"Hello, A-anon! I made you a cake!"

                                            >She pulls of the cloth to reveal a rather delicious looking cake

                                            >Unfortunately, that means she's probably drugged it

                                            >You apologise to the cake before setting it on fire with the petrolium and matches you just happen to have lying around

                                            It looked so good, too...

                                            >Fluttershy looks at it sadly

                                            >"Ohh... I had to run a chemist's out of business to make that cake..."

                                            Seriously?

                                            >"Umm. Yes?"

                                            The fuck did you do?

                                            >"I b-bought all his stock and didn't pay him back"

                                            You're an awful pony.

                                            >"Is that your fetish?"

                                            >Cunt punt her away

                                            >Once she's gone you look down at the blackened mess of the cake

                                            >Peer closer

                                            >On the edge of the cake, there's a small brown spot. An area untouched by the fire

                                            >You quickly pull it off and hold it to your nose

                                            >Sniff it

                                            Woah.

                                            >She really took the cake with drugs this time

                                            >You pull out a button from your pocket and press it

                                            >"Ba dum tsss"

                                            Heh.

                                            >You stare at the tiny piece of un-torched cake between your fingers

                                            >It smells like chemistry itself.

                                            >But it will be fine, right? It can't be THAT powerful

                                            >You slowly move it towards your mouth

                                            >It's just a small piece.

                                            >You'll be fine

                                            >The cake touches your tongue and you taste the sweet chocolate that used in it

                                            >Swallow the piece quickly

                                            >Wait a few seconds

                                            >Well. That wasn't so bad.

                                            >You faceplant the dirt and pass out.


                                            >Wake up in hospital

                                            >Twilight is looking at you with a concerned look, dapping your forehead with a damp cloth

                                            >"Oh my gosh, you're awake!"

                                            Oh shit... What happened?

                                            >"Anon what were you doing?! I found you on your front door with foam around your mouth passes out in the mud!"

                                            Cool!

                                            >"NO! NOT COOL! Anon, when I got you here, the doctors said you'd taken enough drugs to kill a dragon! What were you thinking?"

                                            It was Fluttershy, I swear.

                                            >"Anoooon! Stop making excuses! It's a miracle you're alive!"

                                            Ehh. I'll be fine. Can I go home now?

                                            >"I don't know... I'll go and find the doctor"

                                            >You hold up your hand and look at it, intruiged

                                            >Twilight comes back in to see you laughing

                                            >"Anon? What's wrong?"

                                            >The face on your hand snickers

                                            >"D-don't let her see me, Anon! Hide me!"

                                            >You try not to laugh

                                            Ok ok! Shush!

                                            >Hide the hand under the covers and smile at Twilight and the Doctor

                                            >Twilight looks at the Doctor as if to say "How long does he have?"

                                            >The Doctor walks over to you

                                            >"Hello, Anonymous. My name is Doctor Handsome. Are you feeling ok?"

                                            Yeah, I'm fine how are you.

                                            >"I'm fine. You took quite the dosage there, Anonymous. I'm afraid it will have severe side effects on you for an unknown amount of time."

                                            Like what?

                                            >You frown at the birds flying around the Doctor's head, shooting laser guns at each other.

                                            >"Well for starters, the drugs you ingested together provided such a punch that your immune system is stuck in a state of complete steralisation to foreign substances"

                                            Cool!

                                            >"That means that any medicine you take in the future won't work. If you get a cold, medicine is out of the question. Though I don't think there will be any bacteria in your body left to make you sick by the end of the day"

                                            Cool!

                                            >"And also your mental state deteriorated massively. We've detected heightened neural activity on the right hoof side of your brain. And it's not stopping"

                                            Cool!

                                            >Twilight steps in

                                            >"What does that mean, Doctor?"

                                            >He frowns at her

                                            >Then looks back at you

                                            >You're watching two goblins on your chest duke it out with light sabers

                                            >The green one is winning

                                            >"I think he might be in a permanant state of hallucination. As long as he's awake, he will see vivid and seemingly real visions that aren't actually there."

                                            >Twilight gasps

                                            >"That's horrible!"

                                            COME ON, GREENY! DON'T LET HIM BLOCK YOUR SWINGS LIKE THAT!

                                            >The green goblin shrugs and goes back to fruitlessly slamming his lightsabre against his enemy's

                                            >The Doctor shakes his head

                                            >"I'm sorry, Miss Sparkle. I don't know what to suggest. I can honestly say that time might be the only thing to save him now. Hopefully his body will fight against it. For now though... I can't imagine what horror Anon is experiencing"

                                            >You don't listen to him

                                            >You're busy watching "War of the Worlds" with two Film Critic Minotaurs on your shoulders

                                            Tom Cruise was good, but I can't help but feel it was missing something.

                                            >The Minotaur on your right shoulder nods

                                            >"I agree. I think that the film's major flaw was it's pacing. The special effect were nice, but everything happened too fast. I felt it could have been longer."

                                            >Later that day, Twilight is guiding you around town

                                            >Seems that Ponyville is also sharing it's homes with a race of giant talking hampsters that only you can see

                                            >You stop to let a family of the creatures scurry by infront of you

                                            >Twilight sighs

                                            >"Anon, please. There's nothing there..."

                                            >You shush her and let the stampede of fluff pass

                                            >Then you carry on walking

                                            Gotta show respect to all living things, Twilight.

                                            >"But they aren't real!"

                                            None of us are real, Twilight. We're both figments of an author back on my homeworld.

                                            >"I... What?"

                                            Nothing. I think I can take it from here, Twilight. I'm gonna go now, me and the guys have a movie night planned.

                                            >"WHAT GUYS?!"

                                            >Ruffle her hair

                                            Don't be rude, Twilight.

                                            >Walk home, being sure to duck to avoid the hamsters with wings

                                            >You sit on your sofa and laugh with the Minotaurs about the horrible acting in the Spiderman Trilogy

                                            Oh man. Tobey Maguire is so bad at looking normal.

                                            >Larry, the left shoulder Minotaur speaks up

                                            >"Suppose that's why he was good for the part though. Peter Parker is an awkward nerd. Hardly normal."

                                            Yeah, but he's also supposed to be likable to an extent

                                            >"True. I just wanna punch Tobey. He's got such a punchable face."

                                            >You, Larry, and Tobey, the Minotaur of the right shoulder, who had been quiet the whole time, go off talking about how hard you would punch Tobey.

                                            >A knock on the door sounds

                                            >Walk over to it, stepping over the pit of snakes where your rug used to be

                                            >Open the door

                                            >Fluttershy

                                            Two in one day? Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-

                                            >Larry and Tobey pick it up

                                            >"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

                                            -aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

                                            >Fluttershy stares at you

                                            >"Umm. Ok. Would you like a drink?"

                                            Sure.

                                            >Pick it up and wrestle with the worm-straw for a second

                                            >Suck on the straw

                                            >Fluttershy looks shocked

                                            >"Oh my goodness I didn't think it would be that easy!"

                                            >She giggles and stares at you, an amazed expression her face

                                            >Finish the drink

                                            >Crush the cup and throw it over your shoulder

                                            >Smile at her

                                            Thanks!

                                            >Her own smile faulters

                                            >"U-umm... D-do you feel any different?"

                                            Nahh.

                                            >She splutters

                                            >"B-but... But..."

                                            Thank you for the drink, Fluttershy. But I have to get back to Spiderman now

                                            >"Spider what?"

                                            >Shut the door in her face

                                            >Larry speaks up

                                            >"Hey, Anon?"

                                            Yo.

                                            >"Uuh, just got a call from brain. We need to black out now"

                                            What, was it something from Fluttershy's drink?

                                            >"Not at all, that didn't affect you. But the massive dose earlier today that gave birth to me? Yeah, it's about to get worse"

                                            ...How much worse?

                                            >"You'll see when you wake up. Night, Anon."

                                            Night.

                                            >You crumple to the floor, asleep before you even touch it.


                                            >Day 4th of July Take 2 in Equestria

                                            >Wake up

                                            >Look at the floating calender

                                            >It's the 4th of July

                                            Woah.

                                            >Larry crawls out of your chest and up towards your chin, where he climbs up onto your face and dangles off the fringe of your hair

                                            >"Bonjour!"

                                            Hi.

                                            >"Vous allez bien?"

                                            Not bad, yourself?

                                            >"Les choses sont sur le point de devenir fou quand tu passes cette porte."

                                            Ahh hell. I'm sure it won't be that bad.

                                            >You head over to the door, still having not eaten anything

                                            >Open the door

                                            Holy fucking shit.

                                            >"Putain de merde."

                                            >Alien spaceships are hoving over Ponyville, firing lasers at the hamsters of the village, that are now flying with jetpacks and rocket launchers

                                            Not gonna lie. This is pretty amazing.

                                            >"Il est vrai que"

                                            Welp. Guess I have to put a stop to this, don't I? Any ideas?

                                            >"Je parie Fluttershy est le seul responsable de cette invasion"

                                            You're right! That bitch. We'll put an end to her schemes once and for all!

                                            >You'll need to distract the mothership while you make your way to Fluttershy's cottage though

                                            >Watch the Hamsters get blown out the sky

                                            >Damn. They're taking too many losses

                                            >This calls for a rousing, patrioting and overall inspirational speech!

                                            >"Me rendent fier, fils"

                                            I will, Larry. I will.

                                            >You take a deep breathe and shout as loud as you can

                                            >"HAMSTERS! FORM UP!"

                                            >The Hamsters break off from the aerial battle and form a ring around you

                                            Now I know you're all scared. Hell, I'm scared. But look around you. These are your homes, your family's homes. You children and wives live here!

                                            >Several hamsters squeak in response

                                            I know that, son. But you need to listen to me. If we don't win this day, we lose everything. Not just for ourselves, but for our children, and our children's children. Now, are you going to stand by and watch as these aliens, these "invaders" take everything from us?

                                            >The squeaks get louder and the hamsters start nodding slowly

                                            ARE WE GOING TO LET THESE CREATURES TAKE OUR HOMES AND OUR HAMSTERANITY FROM US? NO. WE WILL MAKE THEM RUE THE DAY THEY SET FOOT ON THIS WORLD. FOR WHEN WE WIN THIS BATTLE IT WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE GREATEST BATTLE HAMSTER-KIND HAS EVER WON!

                                            >Cheers in response

                                            WE'RE GOING TO LIVE ON!

                                            WE'RE GOING TO SURVIVE!

                                            TODAY-

                                            IS OUR INDEPENDENCE DAY!

                                            >The Hamsters let out a warcry and launch into the skies with renewed vigor

                                            >Laser fire and missiles fill the skies above Ponyville as alien fighter craft and hamster meet in a savage battle for the future of hamster-kind

                                            Come on, Larry. The alien queen awaits.

                                            >You sprint down the path, swerving to avoid falling spacecraft and dead hamsters with jetpacks

                                            >Fluttershy's cottage comes into view

                                            Alright, Larry. You know the plan. To take down the alien shields we need to infect her with a virus

                                            >"Voulez-vous dire ce que je pense que vous dites?"

                                            Yes, Larry. I am.

                                            >You grimace and narrow your eyes at your goal as you run

                                            We're going to give her an STD.


                                            >You are Fluttershy

                                            >You hope that Anon will love you someday. That milkshake was hard to make and he just drank it down like it was nothing

                                            >Sigh

                                            >Look at Angel bunny sadly

                                            Oh, Angel... I just wish my knight in shining armour would just break down the door and sweep me off my feet...

                                            >At that moment, Anon breaks down the door and sweeps you off your feet, cock fully erect

                                            OH MY GOODNESS! YES!!


                                            >You are Anon

                                            >Alien Queen neutralised. Injecting Virus


                                            >You are Fluttershy

                                            >OH SWEET CELESTIA IT'S HAPPENING. IT FEELS SO GOOD!


                                            >You are Anon

                                            >She's fighting back with everything that we've got, and you lost Larry during the battle to restrain her.

                                            This is for you, Larry...

                                            >"W-who's Larr-"

                                            >You tense up and pump your seed inside her

                                            >She screams in ecstacy and pants heavily

                                            >Pull out slowly, virus-goo dripping from your injection tool

                                            It's done... Rest in peace, Larry.

                                            >Turn and walk out the door

                                            >Look up at the sky

                                            >The hamsters have decimated the alien mothership and are now feasting on the alien's corpses.

                                            Tis' a good day to be a Hamsterican.

                                            >The losses were great. The devestation tragic. You all made sacrifices and the aliens pushed you to your limits, but you did it.

                                            >You managed to save Equestria

                                            >And at that moment you black out


                                            >Wake up with a massive headache

                                            >Fluttershy and Twilight are looking at you from what seems to be Fluttershy's bed

                                            Oh god, my head... What happened?

                                            >Fluttershy can't contain herself and orgasms at your voice

                                            >Twilight watches her with a raised eyebrow and turns to you

                                            >"How are you feeling, Anon?"

                                            Like shit. What did I do yesterday? Does anyone know?

                                            >"You can't remember?"

                                            Nope.

                                            >"Well... You took a massive dose of drugs, apparently from Fluttershy, and have been tripping out for the last 2 days."

                                            Seriously? How badly?

                                            >"On the first day it wasn't so bad, you were laughing at things only you could see and talking about hamsters."

                                            >Twilight sighs

                                            >"The second day... Not so good."

                                            >Narrow your eyes

                                            What happened?

                                            >"You ran out your house, screaming about aliens and speaking Prench-"

                                            Prench?

                                            >"The official language of Prance"

                                            >Heh. Horse puns.

                                            Then what?

                                            >"You ran into a schoolyard and gave the fillies there a rousing speach about how you will fight for your homes. The fillies went home that day ranting about how cool you were"

                                            Well that's ok

                                            >"Theeeen you had sex with Fluttershy"

                                            Alright then, alright then...

                                            >...

                                            >...

                                            Wait, what?

                                            >"You uhh, kicked down Fluttershy's door and had sex."

                                            >Stare at her

                                            >Fluttershy grins at you

                                            >Look back at Twilight

                                            >Fluttershy moves her head closer to you and whispers

                                            >"Are movie crossovers and 2-day drug trips your fetish, Anon?"

                                            FUCKING FLUTTERSHYYY


                                            The End