[FLUTTERRAPE] The Long Wait


                                            This started when an Anon posted a picture of Eris. I wrote something based on it, then wrote two more follow-ups. It proved extremely popular (at least by FR's standards) so I thought I'd give it its own paste.


                                            ---


                                            -- Chapter 1 --


                                            >It's her stirring that wakes you. It always is.

                                            >She's an early riser, so alarm clocks became unnecessary when you started living together.

                                            >Not that you planned that, but her persistence won.

                                            >As ever, she opted to sleep on your chest last night, so the first thing you see when you open your eyes is a cloud of fuzzy pink mane.

                                            >Your hand runs along the grain of her coat, coming to rest on her hind.

                                            >She hums and stretches, resting her chin on you and smiling.

                                            >"Good morning," she more mouths than speaks.

                                            "Hello, you."

                                            >She touches her lips to yours, and for a moment you both lie there enjoying one-another's warmth.

                                            >There is a crisp Autumn day outside waiting for you, so you can be forgiven for wanting to stay in heaven for a while longer.

                                            >You live a charmed life. You had your contests with Fluttershy, those daily micro-battles for your heart and soul, but it all worked out.

                                            >God must be watching over you, to bless you with such an angel, even if he sent such a mischievous one.


                                            *


                                            >Princess Celestia gasps as the obsidian crushes her ribcage, lungs, and spine.

                                            >She vomits a pint of boiling blood, and with magic tears the black shard from her body.

                                            >The damage done knits itself together again, the internal carnage wreathed in golden light until it is as though she had never been grazed.

                                            >Eager lances of plasma flourish at her sides, and streak like thunderbolts across the ethereal plane to skewer the offending beast.

                                            >Eris shrieks as her arm is torn from its socket and a third of her body is turned to ash.

                                            >Like Celestia, any wounds are immediately repaired, and she shrieks before barrelling into her adversary.

                                            >The two gods, or demi-gods, or near-gods, perhaps only relative-gods, wrestle in the void.

                                            >They have done so a hundred times.

                                            >But neither one forgets why they do it.


                                            *


                                            >Fluttershy sets the plate of fresh pancakes on the kitchen table and reaches for the sugar, as you season the eggs in the pan.

                                            >You're wearing the novelty 'Kiss the Cook' apron she bought for you, with 'Kiss' jotted above the messily scribbled out obscenity beneath it.

                                            >"Will you look at the bird-table today?"

                                            "Yeah. Should have the nails for it. Still set on seeing Applejack? She's not happy with you."

                                            >"She can try and kick me out, I'm going to keep visiting her until she's better."

                                            >The mare -- your mare, you keep having to remind yourself -- eyes your apron and smirks.

                                            >"It suits you."

                                            "Everything suits me."

                                            >"And nothing, too. I actually think I prefer you without clothes."

                                            "Can we eat breakfast first."

                                            >"I don't know, the apron is very commanding."


                                            *


                                            >Eris entangles Celestia with her serpentine body and grips the equine's thrashing head between her claws.

                                            >Fel energy thrums across her palms as she focuses her power to liquefy Celestia's brain.

                                            "This is a waste of time," Celestia spits through her teeth.

                                            >A rare moment; the two hardly talk.

                                            >One for exasperation that she won't be taken seriously, the other out of simple boredom.

                                            >"Killing you can't possibly be a waste of time," the draconequus growls.

                                            "Every second you refuse to die is another second you're keeping me from him."

                                            >"There you go again, asserting this and that. He's not yours, oh Queen, he's mine."

                                            >Celestia vanishes in a flash and reappears a short distance away.

                                            >There in the void, the two float in a sea of shifting colour and emotion.

                                            >And for once, the first time in however many dozens of cataclysmic duels, they decide to just talk, if only briefly.

                                            "All these battles do is wear us out."

                                            >"For good reason. If you're recovering from near-death you won't be making a move on him."

                                            "The same could be said for you."

                                            >"Fine by me, if I have to spend eternity tearing you apart, I will. What is a hundred years to the likes of us? A thousand?"

                                            "He doesn't have that kind of time."

                                            >"Then we'll bring him back and keep him around until this business is settled."

                                            "I won't allow his soul to be polluted with your taint."

                                            >"Oh, he'll be well acquainted with my taint if he's lucky."

                                            >Celestia swells with light and the void turns monochromatic for a second as Eris is disintegrated.


                                            *


                                            "Fluttershy, for Christ's sake."

                                            >Her laugh is lilting, the sort she does when she's not taking you seriously.

                                            >"Grumpy? You should have some more eggs."

                                            "Hard to do when you're crawling all over me, can we -please- eat breakfast first? We've got a whole day to get to."

                                            >"Can you really blame me? I've got everything."

                                            "Well, the pancakes could do with extra syrup."

                                            >"I mean you. I finally have you."

                                            "How romantic."

                                            >"It is."

                                            "Worth the years of effort?"

                                            >"Worth every day. Now let me do as I'm told and kiss the cook."

                                            "You're insatiable."

                                            >"I'm addicted."

                                            "To me?"

                                            >"To everything you are."

                                            "Mom warned me about girls like you."

                                            >"Your mom was wise. What would she say if she could see you?"

                                            "She'd ask why I was making out with a horse, then probably comment on the lack of fruit at the breakfast table. Then she'd criticise the curtains. The living room carpet too, she hated yellow."

                                            >Fluttershy stops writhing in your lap. She tilts her head.

                                            >"You know, our moms would probably get along really well."


                                            *


                                            >Eris rematerialises and punches straight through Celestia's chest.

                                            >Her clawed fist explodes out the back of the Princess, Eris's arm submerged in Celestia up to the shoulder.

                                            >Every inch soaked in gore, her clenched hand grips Celestia's still-beating heart.

                                            >Celestia isn't bothered beyond the brief shock of pain, she never is when she loses her vital organs, and in a miasma of light she is mended.

                                            >Again the two part. Again they talk.

                                            "We've wasted so much time," Celestia says over heavy pants.

                                            >"Time. Time. Time!" Eris throws her claws up. "It's all you ever complain about. We are timeless until one kills the other, is that so hard to understand?"

                                            "Do -you- not understand, Eris? Is your sight truly so narrow? Here, let me show you!"

                                            >A window in space and time opens, a two-dimensional plane of normalcy amidst the roiling madness, and the two behold a quaint kitchen.

                                            >You sit reclined at an awkward angle in a wooden chair.

                                            >In your arms, Fluttershy, the two of you lip-locked and loving it.

                                            "Do you know who that is? That's Fluttershy. His wife."

                                            >Eris jerks her head back as if struck.

                                            >"-Fluttershy-? But they only met yesterday."

                                            " 'Yesterday' was three years ago. You know how quickly the mortals live, Eris. They've already had their little dramas and resolved them, now they're bound together."

                                            >"In more ways than one," Eris quips as Fluttershy breaks the kiss with a pant and you stand.

                                            >You carry Fluttershy into the other room, your hands gripping her buttocks, and throw her onto the sofa.

                                            >You descend atop her, to the overjoyed squeaks and giggles of your wife.

                                            >Celestia watches sadly. Eris' lips are pursed.

                                            "As we fight, time stretches on. Three years of sporadic fighting and recuperation may not be much to immortals, but to them it's life passing them by."

                                            >"All the more reason to be rid of you quickly, so I can return to the material world and claim him for myself."

                                            "And yet, you won't. Instead, we'll repeat this same dance Creator knows how many times. Each time we'll push one another to the edge of oblivion. Each time we'll retreat to lick our wounds. You to the realm of chaos, me to Canterlot. Both of us too exhausted to do much of anything besides wait for the next battle."

                                            >"You live in the material world. Why not make your move when you're resting? Surely securing a mate isn't so taxing for one so allegedly powerful as you?"

                                            "I left it too late. Now Fluttershy is involved and things are more complicated. I cannot simply swoop in and take him, it would be cruel to break a marriage like that. I would have to... well, it would take time. I would engineer things in the desired direction."

                                            >"Oh! How delightfully immoral of you."

                                            "As if you know anything of morals. You would simply take him."

                                            >"I have the power to do so, so I would. Unlike you, I am not burdened by the so-called morality of 'civilised' ponies. I am a creature of nature. The purest expression of the primal. When the lioness wants to eat, she hunts. She takes what she wants regardless of what the antelope or the antelopes family and friends think. Still, you could take him, and during our down-time indulge in your mate. Is that so hard?"

                                            "What would be the point if you could appear at any moment and attack me? I can never truly rest knowing you're out there. Better to leave him be and out of harms way until I'm rid of you."

                                            >"I suppose this little void you keep dragging us into is your way of mitigating damage?"

                                            "It's been useful."

                                            >"It's been boring. I'll find a way to break this prison sooner or later during our bouts, and then I'll bring the fun right to the heart of Canterlot, I promise."

                                            "Then are we done?"

                                            >"I could go another few rounds."

                                            "No you can't. You used up your power remanifesting yourself."

                                            >"Ah, then I suppose now you'll strike the killing blow?"

                                            "I..."

                                            >"Oh, of course, weak little Celestia can't do it."

                                            "We are victims of our own power, Eris."

                                            >"Boo hoo. Poor us. What poor little gods we are."

                                            "We'll meet again."

                                            >"Bring your A-game next time. I intend to purge you from existence."

                                            >Eris takes one last look at the window showing the sofa scene, makes a disgusted snort, then snaps her fingers and vanishes.


                                            *


                                            >Your limbs are entangled with Fluttershy's in a sweaty knot.

                                            >Her mane had been messy before, but now it'll need a quarter-hour of brushing to get under control, likely with your help.

                                            >She laughs as if drunk, relocating to her preferred spot on your chest; belly to belly, nose to nose.

                                            >"Isn't that better?"

                                            "Sex before breakfast probably isn't good for us. There'll be some study warning against it."

                                            >"I think it's just fine, though the pancakes might be cold now."

                                            >You take a strand of mane between your fingers and absently begin to untangle it.

                                            "Was it worth it?"

                                            >"Every second with you is worth it."

                                            "Oh that's... fine, be as mushy as you like."

                                            >"Aw, does that not win any favours?"

                                            "Not a single one."

                                            >You heave yourself off the sofa. Fluttershy watches you go, evidently enjoying the view of a naked man walking away from her.

                                            >"I should have known. Poetry wasn't your fetish, after all," she says after you.

                                            >The half-eaten eggs and pancakes are where you left them, and you flop naked into the seat, the varnished wood chilly against your bottom.

                                            >But then, you hesitate, a skewered pancake fragment hovering near your lips.

                                            >Slowly, you lower it, and turn your attention to an unremarkable part of the ceiling.

                                            >There's something about it that bothers you, but you don't know what.


                                            *


                                            >Celestia stares into your upturned eyes through the unseen window.

                                            >She presses a hoof to the surface, tracing your head with her solleret.

                                            "One day, love. As soon as I've dealt with her. Stay safe until then."

                                            >Celestia vanishes, leaving the void realm empty.

                                            >With nothing to maintain it, it collapses in on itself, resting in the cracks between reality until it's needed once more to host the final score-settling brawl between the lonely goddesses.


                                            -- Chapter 2 --


                                            >Celestia climbs into bed, and for a moment she lies with her eyes open.

                                            >She watches the wall, the ear not pressed to her pillow twitching at each nocturnal sound beyond her chamber door.

                                            >Her mind is elsewhere. She is not smiling. She still aches all over from her recent exertions. She imagines her 'partner' feels the same.

                                            >She tries closing her eyes, hoping that sleep might come easily this time, but it never does.

                                            >A hoof reaches forward under the sheets to paw at someone that isn't there, but should be.

                                            >They never are, however, and each night the sheets seem colder.

                                            >Her horn tingles. A single spark of magic runs down its length and along her spine, and her heartrate quickens.

                                            >She sits up, her weariness not gone, but pushed aside.

                                            >Her nostrils flare, and she's out of bed in time for the flash.

                                            >She's granted the briefest sight of Eris, the Lady of Chaos, emerging from unreality before Celestia's failsafe spell activates and drags the two of them into the void.

                                            >Eris snarls, as usual, and finishes extracting herself from the hole in nothing.

                                            >She doesn't press the attack as she normally would, and instead flops like a wet noodle in the air, stretching her limbs and yawning.

                                            >"Quick on the draw, aren't you. Aren't you sore? I'm all floppy."

                                            "The spell reacts, I don't do anything."

                                            >"Did you speed it up?"

                                            "I've been fine-tuning it."

                                            >"Cute. Listen, I want to talk."

                                            "What do you want?"

                                            >"Why should I want anything? Is it so wrong to just talk?"

                                            "You're incapable of using conversation as anything other than a vehicle for getting what you want."

                                            >"Alright, calm down, Freud, I just want to ask a favour."

                                            "That's audacious."

                                            >"I like that word. I'll use that. Eris the Audacious. Listen, show me that window thing again."

                                            >Celestia squints at the demon floating languidly before the evershifting background of the pocket void realm.

                                            "Window thing?"

                                            >"You're not that dim, surely. It was only last week."

                                            "Ah. That. Why?"

                                            >The beasts shrugs, trying to look disinterested.

                                            >"I want to see him again. Can you begrudge me that?"

                                            >Celestia watches her nemesis for a while longer, and judges there to be no danger.

                                            >Nothing she can't recover from, at least.

                                            >The problem and benefit of duelling with the same foe over a hundred times is that each combatant becomes aware of their foe's every trick and limitation.

                                            >Sadly, it works both ways, so Celestia isn't surprised that Eris has taken an interest in her window spell. It's the first new thing she's seen in several dozen encounters.

                                            >Celestia nods, and a pane of light spreads out beside her like a set of invisible curtains had been withdrawn.

                                            >Eris comes uncomfortably close, but makes no attack.

                                            >The two look into the light and see him.

                                            >Anonymous lies in bed, asleep.

                                            >Atop him, as usual, is Fluttershy, also unconscious.

                                            >The viewpoint is above and to the side, as though the window were hanging from the ceiling in the corner at an angle.

                                            >The pair look to be at peace. Their sleeping faces displaying their perfect contentment.

                                            >Celestia's own heart breaks again when she sees it, as it does every time she has a moment of weakness and spies.

                                            >She is weak often.

                                            >Eris clicks her tongue.

                                            >"Isn't that nice. Happy together, aren't they?"

                                            >She runs a talon along the rim of the window, then licks the digit and ponders the taste like it was gourmet cheese, not looking away from Anonymous as she does.

                                            "It would appear so."

                                            >"What's the natural lifespan of a pony anyway? If we -did- have to wait for her to kick the bucket before he becomes fair game again?"

                                            "Eighty years for pegasi, a century for unicorns, a hundred-and-thirty for earth ponies."

                                            >"Eighty? Is that it?"

                                            "Pegasi burn bright before they fade away."

                                            >"How poetic. You must be glad she's not an earth pony then. How long do humans live?"

                                            "Not as long as us, if that's what you're thinking."

                                            >"Ballpark estimate."

                                            "I don't know."

                                            >"You must do, you're an insufferable know-it-all, you know everything."

                                            "I appreciate the compliment, but I don't know. I've never asked."

                                            >"Well. It doesn't matter anyway. With me he'll be immortal. And thank you, by the way, I've learned a lot here."

                                            >Celestia gives Eris an askance look, not entirely because close proximity to the draconequus always made her uncomfortable.

                                            "Learned what, exactly."

                                            >Eris smiles. Her lips pull back to reveal bright gums and rows of vicious, gnarled fangs.

                                            >"Why, I've learned all about this little window spell of yours, of course."

                                            >Celestia stares at her.

                                            >"After all we've been through, it was so nice of you to show me a way out of this little prison."

                                            >The Princess' horn ignites to banish the window, but it's too late.

                                            >Eris slams her open palm against the pane and her own power surges.

                                            >With a sound like church glass shattering to let in a hurricane, the pane breaks inwards, and Eris writhes through the opening and into the darkened bedroom.

                                            >The void trembles and the background colours settle on hues of blood red.

                                            >Celestia doesn't think. She follows Eris through the window just as the void collapses.


                                            *


                                            >You're deep in dreamland when something ruptures.

                                            >Like skin splitting, or bones snapping.

                                            >Like standing near an explosion and feeling the shockwave pass through you, something fundamental to the world has been broken.

                                            >You launch upright, Fluttershy hurled from you and struggling to rouse herself too.

                                            >But you can't focus on her at the moment.

                                            >You're focusing on the abomination at the foot of your bed.

                                            >She's twice as long as you are tall, a body slender like a snake's and mostly furred, but given way to scales and leather in places.

                                            >Worst of all, you know her.

                                            >"Hey there, sweetiepie, did you miss me?" she says with a grin that revives nightmares you'd forgotten you had.

                                            >Fluttershy is clinging to you, eyes wide with terror.

                                            >"Anon?" she stammers, "What is that thing?"

                                            >The beast holds up a finger and half-turns.

                                            >"Hold that thought, sugarbear, we're about to have very rude company."

                                            >She doesn't finish turning before Princess Celestia herself comes hurtling out of an unseen gap in reality to bodycheck her.

                                            >The two figures crash to the floorboards and pass straight through to the lower floor.

                                            >Fluttershy screams, as the house rumbles, but you grab her with both hands and haul her out of bed.

                                            >With her clutched to your chest, you make for the window.

                                            >"Where are we going?" she sounds hysterical, though she can't be blamed.

                                            "Away from here. We're not safe."

                                            >"Our house," she stops herself.

                                            "We can build another one. This one's doomed."


                                            *


                                            >The ceiling caves under Celestia's weight as she bulldozes Eris into the ground floor.

                                            >Her horn has already unconsciously surged with several spells, casting one after another within a fractional second.

                                            >First, she checked to see where the married couple went. They're currently climbing down the side of the house, clearly intending to get away.

                                            >Good. Second, a spell pulsed outwards to check for nearby civilians, or anyone that might get caught in the crossfire. None in immediate danger.

                                            >Also good. Third, a flare was sent to Luna, warning her of a breach. Her sister shouldn't take more than ten minutes to hone in.

                                            >Finally, a plethora of magical defences and enchantments wreath the Princess in a familiar set of armour.

                                            >Eris, pinned beneath Celestia, grabs a wing in a fist and rips.

                                            >Celestia screams and, knowing she won't hurt anyone else, unleashes her magic.

                                            >The house turns to ash.


                                            *


                                            >You spin back and watch in stunned silence as your little home momentarily turns bright enough for night to become day.

                                            >It fades, and two figures collide in the darkness, detonations reverberating to where you're stood by the treeline.

                                            >Fluttershy weeps. You almost do as well, seeing the home you'd helped build with her become cinders.

                                            >All those mementos, the chronology of your escapades with your baffling yellow wife, gone.

                                            >Though the only thing that really matters is crying into your night shirt, her warmth melding with yours to keep out the chill.

                                            >You keep her held close and retreat between the trees, not looking back even as the ferocity of the duel intensifies.


                                            *


                                            >"Feels nice to breathe fresh air again."

                                            >Eris picks up her dismembered arm and casually stuffs it back in its socket, giving it a few test flexes before grinning.

                                            >"I suppose you take it all for granted, don't you. You're not the one banished to another realm entirely. You're not the one who bounces between one prison and another at the whims of some entitled, whiny would-be queen."

                                            >Her mirth vanishes as she speaks until she's snarling.

                                            >"Tonight, Celestia. No running away, no scampering back to our corners to lick our wounds. One of us dies, and the winner gets the trophy stud. I'll not be without him."

                                            "You don't love him," Celestia coughs a bit of ash up and spits it away.

                                            >The flattened remnants of Anonymous' beautiful home are yet another tragedy to add to the pile, but Celestia's numb to tragedy this late in life.

                                            "He's a pet to you. A toy. Some novel plaything."

                                            >"Of course he's novel. He's one-of-a-kind, like me. Who else in this misbegotten reality could ever understand me? Who else can tell me tales of a world beyond ours? I'd have him in the palm of my claw by now if you hadn't banished me. I know what it was: jealousy. I stepped on your turf and I was the only one who could conceivably be a threat to you, so you locked me away then sent him out here to some rural hick town, presumably because he was "safe" here. You love your speeches about morality and compassion, but what about -my- compassion? Am I not allowed some fleeting moment of happiness for once? So what if I'd have to break him in first, he'd learn to love me eventually. I make no apologies for what I am and what my needs are. I am a creature of nature. I -need- him."

                                            >She floats off the ground.

                                            >"And you're keeping him from me. You're standing in the way of my happiness."

                                            "Your happiness is a perversion."

                                            >"Then you're crueller than I ever gave you credit for."


                                            *


                                            >Fluttershy's old cottage is still boarded up when you reach it, but it doesn't take long to pry the boards off the door and force your way in.

                                            >It's dusty, and smells of mould, but it's better than being out there, and the illusion of safety the thin walls provide against the distant lightshow of godly conflict is irrational but convincing.

                                            >Fluttershy sighs and manages a smile.

                                            >"Nice to be back, at least. Nature's taking her time reclaiming it all."

                                            "Study cottage. Well made. Surprised there aren't any animals around."

                                            >"Oh, there are. They're in here, I can tell. Not many, though."

                                            "We'll wait until it's clear."

                                            >"Celestia will clean things up. She always does."

                                            >Fluttershy comes to your side and watches the flickers and flashes of light and fire.

                                            >"It said something earlier. 'Did you miss me'. Do you know it?"

                                            "We met once. It was... awful."

                                            >"When?"

                                            "Canterlot. Before I came here. She'd just broken out of prison, apparently."

                                            >"What happened?"

                                            >You shrug and run a finger over the windowsill, rubbing the thick dust between finger and thumb.

                                            "We talked. She took a liking to me. A -real- liking. Said we were two peas in the same pod, that kind of thing. She's insane. I told her a few jokes to take the edge off and she gets hearts in her eyes. Literally, I mean. Real love-hearts."

                                            >Fluttershy huffs and puts her hooves around your midsection.

                                            >"Watch her come over here, I'll set her straight."

                                            "She kind of did come over here, and the house lasted less than a minute."

                                            >"Well. I'd still give her a piece of my mind."

                                            "God knows Celestia's giving her some of hers."

                                            >A particularly bright flash again challenges the night, and no more flashes happen after that.

                                            >You quirk an eyebrow.

                                            "Might be over."

                                            >"Can we stay until we're sure?"

                                            "Lady, we're stopping the night in here, I don't care how safe it seems out there."

                                            >Fluttershy flops against you and yawns.

                                            >"Good. Too tired to do anymore running."

                                            "...I literally carried you all the way here."

                                            >"I know, and my butt is killing me from how hard you were gripping it."

                                            >She snickers and you ruffle her mane with your fingers.


                                            *


                                            >Eris crawls along the charcoal floor, missing a horn and one of her legs.

                                            >Her magic sputters, and her leg is slow to regrow, only managing to stop the bleeding before giving up at a malformed stump.

                                            >Celestia strides after her, upright and proud, wings flared.

                                            >The draconequus looses a guttural roar and reaches for the alicorn, but a sledgehammer of deep blue magic smashes her head back and into the dirt.

                                            >Princess Luna lands beside her sister, wearing a look of contempt to match her elder.

                                            >"Good evening, Celestia. I see you have the matter in hoof," she says dryly.

                                            "Largely. Your help is appreciated as always, though."

                                            >"This was between -us-," Eris says, her voice choked with blood and trembling emotion.

                                            "-We- are no longer the only two at risk. You changed the game when you broke through."

                                            >The serpent laughs, hacking coughs interspersed.

                                            >"So is it back to prison for ol' Eris? Poor, lonely, Eris?"

                                            "Unless you'd truly prefer death."

                                            >Eris writhes on the ground and looks away.

                                            >"Might not have a choice, actually. Old Loony over there might have pushed me over the edge."

                                            >"I'll push you farther if I must, beast," Luna says.

                                            >Eris spends a moment breathing, her chest rising and falling in vibrating, halting gasps.

                                            >She absently collects a handful of ashes and watches them drift through her fingers.

                                            >"Eternity is a long time to spend alone, Celestia," she says quietly.

                                            "It is. You were offered friendship many times."

                                            >"Friendship is cheap. Anyone can make a friend. What I wanted was a companion, but who could love this?"

                                            >She gestures up and down her body with her paw.

                                            >"He would have been different. I'd have made him different."

                                            "You haven't learned a thing from your days as a tyrant. You can't force ponies to love you."

                                            >Eris blinks and gives Celestia a wry smile.

                                            >"That's the first thing you've ever said to me that you don't believe."

                                            "I believe it."

                                            >"Do you. Then explain Fluttershy."

                                            >Celestia doesn't respond.

                                            >Eris nods, then nods again like she's won an unheard argument.

                                            >"Ah, but she did it, didn't she. That's what makes her different from you and me. She actually won him over."

                                            >The draconequus sags back into the filth and laughs again at the night, her eyes lazily turning up and to the stars.

                                            >"I wonder how she did it. Three years, you said? And all without magic."

                                            >Eris closes her eyes.

                                            >"I wonder."

                                            >As Celestia watches, the magic holding Eris' contradictory existence together breaks down at last.

                                            >Her body gives way first slowly, and then quickly as reality reasserts itself, and the Lady of Chaos is reclaimed by the universe.

                                            >"I bet she was... audacious."

                                            >A faint, echoing chuckle is the last noise she ever makes.

                                            >The realisation of a cosmic punchline only she could appreciate.


                                            *


                                            >"And I am truly sorry about your house, Anonymous. The crown shall cover all expenses to construct a new one, and we'll do our best to restore its affects."

                                            "It's fine, Celestia, again, thanks for your help. It's nice to see you again, by the way. You don't write."

                                            >Celestia bows her head and smiles.

                                            >The tea room you're occupying was rented out for just this meeting, no other customers are present.

                                            >"I was... busy, often. Though I should have more time to spare these days."

                                            "Great, hope to see you around, then. I miss our dates at the castle."

                                            >Celestia freezes before her teacup can touch her lips.

                                            >"Dates?"

                                            >You give her a cheeky grin.

                                            "Sure, you know, those 'important meetings' you used to drag me to."

                                            >You nod sagely, pretending with gravitas.

                                            "Those, absolutely vital conferences, nay, -summits- to discuss the ins and outs of Equestrian life. You know, stuff I could learn in a tourist guide."

                                            >Celestia hesitates before responding, but then Fluttershy reappears from the restroom and seats herself beside you.

                                            >She shamelessly flops over to the side and rests her head on your lap.

                                            >"Are we getting a new house?"

                                            "Might have to live in Canterlot if that's cool with you."

                                            >"That's very cool. In the castle?"

                                            "I dunno. Princess?"

                                            >Celestia is watching Fluttershy with a strange expression. Is it mourning? It takes her a few seconds to readjust her slumped posture and reassert her placid expression.

                                            >"Of course. You may stay at the palace for as long as you need until your new house is ready. Though I could arrange for temporary housing to be made in Ponyville if you would prefer?"

                                            "Sure, but staying in Canterlot for a few weeks might be nice. Get away from it all down here."

                                            >Fluttershy sits up and assumes an appropriately respectful manner.

                                            >"We, um, if you're really offering a place to stay, Princess, then that would be wonderful, thank you."

                                            >Celestia nods.

                                            >"It would be my pleasure."

                                            >The visit winds down and you all stand at the entrance to the tea room.

                                            >Fluttershy spies Rainbow Dash somewhere down the road, and prances off to talk to her after a final kiss on your cheek.

                                            >You watch her go for a while before you catch Celestia watching you.

                                            >"Does she make you happy?"

                                            "Didn't at first, no question, but, yeah. Eventually. She wore me down."

                                            >Celestia purses her lips.

                                            >"Eris planned to do something similar."

                                            "What, keep me hostage until I loved her?"

                                            >"Indeed."

                                            "Yeah, she was nuts."

                                            >"Would it have worked?"

                                            "What kind of question is that?"

                                            >"Humour me."

                                            "Well... that's Stockholme Syndrome or something, isn't it? Where you fall in love with your captor?"

                                            >"What Eris was planning, how is that any different from what Fluttershy did with you?"

                                            >You frown, and give Celestia a look.

                                            "You feeling alright, Tia?"

                                            >"I'm fine."

                                            >She's tense. All over her body her muscles bulge under her pristine coat, she's like a coiled spring.

                                            >Without a word you put your arms around her neck and hug her against you.

                                            >She remains a statue, until all at once she sags into the embrace, a hoof coming up to pull your waist closer to her.

                                            "Bit of a daft question, Tia," you say into her ear. "Fluttershy's not a god. All she did was show up on my door every day and insist that I love her. There wasn't any magical coercion involved. Eris was going to mind-rape me. She literally told me as much before you very graciously denied her the opportunity."

                                            >You pull away from her. She seems reluctant to break the hold, but does so.

                                            >A moment or two passes in silence until:

                                            >"How long do humans live for?"

                                            "Haven't I told you that?"

                                            >"I never dared to ask during our... dates."

                                            "Uhh. About eighty years, given a good diet and decent healthcare."

                                            >Celestia nods. In her eyes you see you've answered a question she'd been mulling over for a while.

                                            >"Then you'll have a long and happy life with Fluttershy."

                                            "That's the hope. Unless I die young, or something."

                                            >"Don't say that."

                                            "What? Tragedies happen. I could die next week, who knows. Might get run over by a buffalo."

                                            >"You won't."

                                            "Still. If I did, could you bring me back?"

                                            >"From death?"

                                            "Yeah."

                                            >"It's profane magic, but yes, the dead can rise again."

                                            "You make it sound like I'd be a zombie."

                                            >"You would, quite literally."

                                            "No thanks, then. I'll just settle for living immortality."

                                            >She gives you a sidelong look.

                                            >"You... would be immortal?"

                                            "Sure. Everlasting life sounds neat. Think of all the cool stuff you'd see."

                                            >"What about Fluttershy?"

                                            "Well, if she's immortal too, great, but otherwise she'd... be gone. It'd hurt, no doubt about that, but I'd move on. Find someone new."

                                            >Celestia stares at you.

                                            >She then looks away and into the distance. There are gears turning in that great white head of hers, but you couldn't possibly fathom what.

                                            >"I'll keep that in mind," she says at last.

                                            >You nudge her with an elbow and say, half-jokingly:

                                            "So do I make the immortal shortlist? Just saying, I'd make a great princess."

                                            >Celestia smiles. It's the first real smile you've seen from her all day, and in that moment you know all is well.

                                            >"-Prince-. You would make a fine -prince-."

                                            "Sure. Prince Anonymous."

                                            >Celestia's smile widens. There's ambition in those depthless magenta eyes.

                                            >"Prince Anonymous."


                                            -- Chapter 3 --


                                            >"Twenty bits for room service, but here's what I don't understand, -we- have to go down and collect what we order?"

                                            "I know, it's a hell of a thing."

                                            >Fluttershy dumps her travel bag onto the bed and flops after it, sighing.

                                            >In doing so, her body deflates like a balloon, her face pressed into the mattress.

                                            >You pause to watch her for a while, eyes tracing her contours. Still pert in the right places, more plump in the others. The years have been kinder to her than to you.

                                            >"What," she says into the bed.

                                            "What's what."

                                            >"I can feel you staring." She turns her head to grin at you. "You're not horny already, are you? I won't complain if you are. In fact, lock the door, the ride over was too long and we didn't have any privacy."

                                            >You roll your eyes and start to unpack your own things.

                                            "Easy, girl, I'm just admiring the view."

                                            >"Later?"

                                            "Of course. We were never -not- going to stain these sheets, it's why we paid extra for the service."

                                            >"Where to first? The restaurant?"

                                            "Sightseeing first, then to the castle."

                                            >"Think the Princess will see us?"

                                            "She always makes time for me."

                                            >"Does she know we're coming?"

                                            "I feel like Celestia always knows when I'm coming. Even when we lived together I couldn't get the drop on her."

                                            >Fluttershy holds a manebrush and gauges whether to put it in a drawer.

                                            >"Feels weird to hear it put like that."

                                            "Like what?"

                                            >"That you 'lived together'."

                                            >You shrug and fold another shirt, laying it on the pile of others in the wardrobe.

                                            "We literally did, Shy."

                                            >"I know, but with the Princess it should be more formal. She -allowed- you to -stay in the castle- under her watch."

                                            "Thereby living together."

                                            >Your mare cocks her head.

                                            >"Still weird."

                                            "Aw, you're jealous she had me to herself for a while."

                                            >She snorts and checks herself in the en suite mirror.

                                            >"No one's jealous of Celestia."

                                            "Yeah? How's that?"

                                            >She wipes her face with a wet flannel and muses before answering.

                                            >"I don't know. She just seems above that sort of thing. A lot of ponies don't really see her as a... well, pony. She's more like a force of nature. You wouldn't be jealous of a waterfall. It's beautiful, but terrifying at the same time. All the nice angles and accompanying rainbows in the world doesn't change the fact that it's a million gallons of water travelling fast enough to move boulders and pulverise anything caught in its path."

                                            "That's a harsh assessment. She's quite gentle, I've found."

                                            >"Would Eris have said that?"


                                            *


                                            >Celestia freezes when she sees you, and you nudge your wife with a throaty laugh and a clandestine word.

                                            "Son of a bitch, I think we spooked her."

                                            >Fluttershy seems less enthused.

                                            >"I told you we should have made a booking, we can't just expect her to drop everything--"

                                            >"Anonymous!" Celestia calls.

                                            >The guards allow you free rein of the castle, and Fluttershy's own status grants her similar privileges.

                                            >Even so, the regent clearly wasn't expecting to see you when she turned a corner.

                                            >As she approaches, her concern becomes evident. When she stops about an arm-span from you, she doesn't say anything for a moment.

                                            >Her eyes lock onto yours and bore into you like there are vulgar words on your face in invisible ink only she can read.

                                            "Shy and I were staying in Canterlot, thought we'd drop by. Hope we've not barged in on anything?"

                                            >"Your eyes."

                                            >You frown and touch your cheekbone.

                                            "What's up?"

                                            >"I, ah, you've developed a few wrinkles around your eyes. I beg your pardon, I just hadn't expected it."

                                            >You snort, and Fluttershy grins as well.

                                            >"My monkey's turning into an orangutan," she titters and paws at your leg. "Then again I'm not a spring birdie either."

                                            "You're ageing more gracefully than me, though. You're putting me to shame."

                                            >"You can still run around. My wing joints get sore these days if I'm in flight for more than an hour."

                                            >"How old are you, Anonymous?" Celestia says.

                                            >Her manner reminds you of your mother, her face mirroring your ma's after discovering you with flu on a school day many years ago. That same maternal worry.

                                            "Well, I'm still on the good side of forty, I'll say that much. I'm not senile yet, don't panic."

                                            >You shrug and try out a laugh to see if that elevates the mood.

                                            "Humans go craggly when they get older. My old man was worse, I saw pictures of him when he was thirty and he looked fifty. Then again he went to war and I think that'll age you. I look older than I feel, if that helps."

                                            >With a hand you gesture to Celestia.

                                            "But you still look great. Not a day over ten million, I reckon."

                                            >The Princess blinks, frowns and opens her mouth to answer, then smirks, indicating the defeat of her dourness.

                                            >"Very charming, Anonymous. Two thousand, by my estimations."

                                            "You only have an estimate?"

                                            >"Years are fleeting when you get to my age. I've lost entire decades."

                                            "I can imagine."

                                            >Her smile serene once more, she takes the lead with the two of you pottering after her up the corridor.

                                            >"If you insist on disrupting my afternoon, at the very least we can have tea and a catch-up in the orangery. It'll be pleasant at this time of the day."


                                            *


                                            >Celestia watches you talk, and she doesn't like what she sees.

                                            >Fluttershy banters back and forth with you, and every inside joke, every little quip that only your pair can understand, twists the knife a little bit farther.

                                            >The pegasus, such a small, frail thing, now that Celestia really studies her, never takes her eyes off you for more than a few seconds.

                                            >A decade and a half of marriage and you're still going strong.

                                            >Each day deepens the connection. Entrenches her further in your mind.

                                            >The idea that you were once antagonistic towards each other seems deranged.

                                            >Celestia looks back to you, and again her heart beats a single, frightened time against her chest.

                                            >The wrinkles around your eyes. Crows feet, borne of laughter no doubt, but still there.

                                            >The years are sprinting by. She admittedly hasn't checked on you in a while, but surely not so long that wrinkles have formed in that time.

                                            >A blink of an eye, and the youthful, grinning young boy has vanished.

                                            >In his place is a man. Tall, confident, his movements more stately and considered even if his terrible sense of humour hasn't dulled in the slightest.

                                            >It terrifies her.

                                            >She thinks back to the tea-room conversation.

                                            >The only time you've ever spoken of life beyond the merely mortal.

                                            >Fluttershy excuses herself suddenly and trots from the conservatory.

                                            >You give Celestia a sheepish smile.

                                            >"She's, uh, getting a weak bladder. Don't tell her I said that. Don't know why I even did, to be honest. Sorry. Wrong thing to bring up at the table," you say.

                                            "We'll have to work on your manners."

                                            >"Yes ma'am, though I'll say my mother tried her hardest and she failed, so you've got a mountain to climb."

                                            "Mountains aren't much effort when you have wings."

                                            >"True." You lean forward, arms folded on the table. "So. How are you really."

                                            "I'm doing fine."

                                            >"Bullshit. How are you, Tia, you look sadder and sadder every time I see you."

                                            >Celestia arches an eyebrow.

                                            "A font of chivalry today, aren't you?"

                                            >"I know you appreciate my bluntness."

                                            "I do."

                                            >Celestia watches you for a moment, then sips her tea and very deliberately sets her cup down on its saucer, rotating the cup so that the handle is at a perfect right angle with the table.

                                            "Do you remember the conversation we had after Eris died?"

                                            >"Which one? We've had a lot since then."

                                            "The tea room, and if you insist on being a smart-arse I'll bend you over this table and spank you until you're crying for your wayward mother."

                                            >"I'm sure you'd love to do that, wouldn't you, mommy."

                                            >You wink at her flustering and laugh, then shepherd your expression to something more thoughtful.

                                            >You run your tongue over your teeth and nod.

                                            >"God, that was a while ago, wasn't it? Yeah, I remember. We spoke about life after Fluttershy. What are you thinking?"

                                            "Do you mean what you said? Could you move on from her?"

                                            >You frown.

                                            >"Well," you begin. "Obviously I was younger and stupider back then, so you should take everything I say when I'm young with a pinch of salt."

                                            "You're still young now."

                                            >"I'm thirty-eight."

                                            "That's young."

                                            >"Maybe to you. I felt my hip pop the other day and I sure as shit didn't feel young then."

                                            >You aren't aware of the second thrill of horror that went through Celestia as you said that, but if you were maybe you'd be able to imagine what she's thinking.

                                            >The instant barrage of images that passed over her eyes. Compilations of withering and decay. Rotting old men in wheelchairs with blankets over their laps. Rasping humans incapable of holding glasses of water. Dead men in caskets being lowered into graves.

                                            >If you knew what you were doing to her, you'd understand the lightless reaches her mind instinctively rushes to.

                                            >But you don't understand her. Arguably, you never will. You're a monkey sat before the avatar of the sun, how could you possibly understand the depths of her?

                                            >A decision is made in that instant, but you wouldn't know it from seeing Celestia's neutral demeanour.

                                            "Perhaps this is too dark a topic to cover. I apologise, Anonymous, it was wrong of me to bring that up."

                                            >"Ahh, it's fine," you wave your hand. "I'm just worried about you is all. You ever had a partner? A husband? Wife? I don't know which way you swing, sorry."

                                            >She smiles.

                                            "Two or three forays, but only when I was young."

                                            >"Me-young or you-young?"

                                            "Me-young. You. Before I understood the implications of my immortality. In my twenties and thirties I did as every other pony did, until it became apparent to my sister and I that we were not ageing the same way our friends were. They continued to slow and we... didn't. We only grew larger and more powerful. When it hit us, it changed everything."

                                            >"Must have been rough."

                                            "It was. It was lonely. My generation came and went, and then I was surrounded by ponies of a new generation that I had nothing in common with. That's the worst of it, I think. Generations pass you by and there's nothing to latch onto. You don't realise how much of a product of your society you are growing up until you're surrounded by strangers. Ponies you have no real connection to beyond -what- they are. -Who- they are is more important, and if you have nothing in common it's hard to connect. I didn't have a wealth of experience back then, no multiple-lifetimes of knowledge and trivia to draw upon."

                                            >"It's easier for you now?"

                                            "Effortless, almost. And at the same time, impossible. I can scarcely remember what it was like to have ponies around who grew up with me. The ponies who once knew the Celestia that cried in their tutor's classes and got into mudball fights by the dirg river, when the water would recede in the summer months and leave a horrible sludge that made for perfect ammunition against the foals of the wheat farmers."

                                            >She looks away, wistful.

                                            "They would walk the same path home each day after their parents, holding their scythes over their left shoulders as their fathers had taught them."

                                            >Any sense of place is lost then. There is only Celestia, speaking in her distant, nostalgic way about a world time forgot.

                                            "Luna and I would wait with the Redstone brothers and the Buckbark triplets. Sometimes Torn Leaf, the headspony's son, would sneak out and join us, but he had to wear a disguise or his father would thrash him if he was recognised and found out, though he always was. We would wait behind the bank and when we were sure their fathers were gone, we would jump up and pelt them with our arsenal. They would fight back, but to get to us they'd have to scramble down the bank, and the river dried in a way that left its last curve at the foot of the banking, so oftentimes one of them would slip into the water on their way to us. The worst thing was the smell, the stagnant water leftover from the receding bank stank to high heaven, and Luna was a bulls-eye shot with a slingshot spell. Their mothers were always furious, sometimes I thought they were angrier with their boys for getting ambushed at the same place and repeatedly losing, than with us for doing it."

                                            >Celestia is looking to the side, speaking to a plant in the corner. Her eyes are unfocused, and you think this might be the first time she's told anyone this story in a long, long time.

                                            >And you would be right. Because unbeknownst to you, you're the first person she's told in centuries.

                                            "But those ponies. The Redstones, the Buckbarks. The miller's daughter, Yellow Petal. The town historian, Quick. Our long-suffering tutor, Starswirl... They're gone. They've been gone for a very, very long time. And the only pony who understands me vanished for a thousand years by my own hoof."

                                            >She looks to you again and gives a slight, apologetic shrug with one shoulder.

                                            "Sadly, this means suitors have been difficult to come by."

                                            >"What about crushes? Haven't you seen anyone you at least liked the look of?"

                                            "Of course," she says as she looks straight into your eyes. "On occasion I'll meet someone I quite like the look of. It used to be the conventionally attractive - lords and nobles and such, but eventually they all blend together. At my age you come to appreciate the more eccentric. The mold breakers, those that don't fit into the paradigm."

                                            >"But you don't make a move?"

                                            "Why would I? I would only watch them die. I restrain myself for my own sake. If I stop myself from loving them too much I won't be hurt as much when they're gone."

                                            >"But what happens when someone comes along that you -really- like? Just saying, eventually you're gonna meet someone that sweeps you off your feet and you'd want to do anything to be with them. You couldn't just let that pass you by, right? It's like that with Fluttershy now. Yeah, she was a pain in the ass when we first met, but now I can't imagine living without her."

                                            >Celestia only releases her jaw when she realises she's clenching it so hard.

                                            "That... that is certainly a fear of mine."

                                            >"Would you let them go?"

                                            >Celestia stares into you.

                                            "No. I wouldn't."

                                            >You nod with as much encouragement as you can.

                                            >"Good. I'm glad to hear that, Tia. I hope the next time you find someone you do what you can to make it work. I know it'd be difficult in your position, but love is worth it, I think."

                                            "It is." Teacups are raised and clinked in a delicate toast. "True love is worth crossing any Rubicon."


                                            *


                                            >"This is kind of spooky, isn't it?" Fluttershy says in a hushed voice.

                                            "Right? I feel like a guy's gonna jump out at us in a monster outfit."

                                            >"O-oh, um, maybe not that."

                                            "Still a scaredy pony."

                                            >"My name's Fluttershy, not Flutterbrave."

                                            >You each share a snicker.

                                            >Celestia leads you both into the caverns beneath Canterlot.

                                            >Her idea, apparently she wanted to show you something cool.

                                            >"The vaults house some of our most potent artifacts. They're guarded by a full contingent of guards and trained magical personnel. The wards were jointly drawn by Luna and myself, then modified in some way by whichever sister didn't create each respective rune so that the other couldn't dispel their own wards for whatever reason."

                                            "Why'd you do that?"

                                            >"We agreed after her return that considering the Nightmare Moon incident, neither one of us could be trusted to have full access to the artifacts. So neither one of us fully understands how the vault is guarded."

                                            "In case one of you goes insane?"

                                            >Celestia smiles broadly.

                                            >"Yes. In case of insanity."

                                            "Smart."

                                            >"Providing it works. Now, through here, this is where we keep the really dangerous stuff."


                                            *


                                            >The chamber is large and hosts twenty-nine magical artifacts across roughly six-thousand years of Equestrian history.

                                            >Some are so old they don't have dates. They were old when the earliest civilisations fell.

                                            >Here, they're at least out of the hooves of Equestria's more unhinged practitioners of magic.

                                            >Celestia casts a scrutinous eye over them as she's done hundreds of times before.

                                            >You and Fluttershy point at each one, making woefully inaccurate and uneducated guesses as to what each might do.

                                            >Celestia watches and waits, offering corrective comments. The party meanders around the chamber until at last, by Celestia's subtle guidance, it comes to an unassuming shard of what seems to be pure light.

                                            >"Oh, I bet that's something to do with the sun!" Fluttershy says.

                                            >"Yeah, yeah, maybe. I'm thinking more like fire, maybe a weapon?"

                                            >Celestia gestures with a hoof.

                                            "This is the Sunshard. Any further guesses?"

                                            >Fluttershy's eyes grow.

                                            >"Sun... this a piece of the -sun-?"

                                            "Correct, Fluttershy. I'll note that you have far more correct guesses than Anonymous, as well," she winks at you and your indignant huff. "This is no strange mechanism or mad-pony's maniacal plot to destroy the world. It is power. Raw, crystallised power. To be specific, it's something of a battery. Elsewhere in this vault is a shard of our own moon as well."

                                            >"Does it replenish your magic reserves?" You say. "I'm just spitballing, I have no idea how magic works."

                                            "You're actually correct, well done. If I were ever to need it, truly need it in a life-or-death, end-of-the-realm situation, I could draw on its power to give myself a pick-me-up."

                                            >"Like the mother of all espressos."

                                            "Yes, Anonymous, this actual piece of the literal sun is something like an espresso."

                                            >"You don't have to sound so put out. I'm a big dumb monkey man, I don't do this wizard shit."

                                            >You're both grinning at each other. There are no hard feelings here. There will be soon, but not right now.

                                            "It's warm, you know. You could feel it through the runes. Fluttershy, press your hoof to the sphere."

                                            >"Wh-- me?"

                                            "Of course. Please, give it a go. It's harmless behind the runes."

                                            >Fluttershy looks at the runic sphere, the arcane sigils drawn in ethereal gold and stretched over a beachball-sized orb surrounding the levitating crystal of light.

                                            >She swallows, then places a tentative hoof against the surface. She gasps.

                                            >"Anon, it's really warm! Is the shard itself hot?"

                                            "It's a piece of the sun, my subject."

                                            >"Uh. Right."

                                            "Now withdraw your hoof."

                                            >She does as she's told.

                                            >Celestia watches the sphere for a moment, checking the runes for any weaknesses, double-checking the safety protocols, and the fail-safe protocols, then turns to you.

                                            "Anonymous? Place your hand against the sphere."

                                            >You smirk at her formality, still thinking it's a game.

                                            >"Yes, your highness, as you command."

                                            >You reach for it and your fingers graze the surface of the sigils.

                                            >As you do, Celestia's magic brute-forces its way through every defence and rips them to pieces.

                                            >A torrent of celestial light roars from the ragged hole in the sphere where your hand touched it, and for a moment your entire body is engulfed in the overpowering magic of the sun.

                                            >Fluttershy shrieks, and Celestia does what she thinks is a fine job of bellowing at her to get back for her own safety.

                                            >She watches you stood rigid like a petrified child in a hurricane for a second longer than she probably needed to, then knits the sigils back together and sets the runic prison surrounding the Sunshard in perfect order.

                                            >You collapse to your knees, unconscious before you can flop sideways.


                                            *


                                            >You awake feeling fantastic.

                                            >One would think that following a magical accident you might be feeling under the weather. A headache, a general soreness, but no.

                                            >Instead, you almost leap out of bed, but you're stopped by a gold-shod white hoof.

                                            >Before Celestia can speak, Fluttershy's crawling over you and sobbing.

                                            >You hold her for a while, trembling with laughter.

                                            >Fluttershy bats at you with her hooves and shouts, then gives up when you won't stop laughing and hugs your neck with a scowl.

                                            "Well, I'll say I feel about twenty years younger. God damn, Tia, we need to do that more often. Is that magic? God, it's like injecting yourself with Tobasco sauce, I feel like I could fight a fucking bear right now."

                                            >Celestia gives you a wan smile.

                                            >"I truly apologise, Anonymous, that was completely out of the norm."

                                            "Yeah? Well, no harm done probably."

                                            >You glance at the heart monitor attached to you and nod at it.

                                            "Is it meant to be beeping that fast?"

                                            >"No. It isn't. The doctors and I think your heart will stabilise over the next few days, back to its normal levels, but you're lucky to be alive."

                                            "What happened?"

                                            >"I theorise that the sigils reacted negatively to your humanity. You've stated before that you're of a non-magical species, so perhaps you nullified the runes. Better not enter the vaults again, I think. You might be a security concern."

                                            "Don't know much about magic, but that sounds legit. Well, thanks for pulling my ass out of the fire, Tia, I owe you."

                                            >"Enjoy this, ah, 'high', whilst it lasts. I assure you that it will wear off."

                                            "High? What high?"

                                            >"You're, um, speaking really fast and really loud, Anon," Fluttershy says.

                                            "Yeah? Fuck. Well I feel like ten men right now so I'm sorry."

                                            >"Not ten men," Celestia says slowly. "More like one magically charged -new- man."

                                            "Well, what's the difference, hey? Potay-to patah-to. God I feel like lightning. Wanna get me outta here? I think I could run a lap around Canterlot."

                                            >"I would recommend burning off the energy however you see fit. Sleeping will be difficult for a few days, as will staying still, but you can help get rid of it with... exercise."

                                            >Fluttershy seizes up, then looks at you with fresh perspective and a licentious grin.

                                            >"-Really- now," she says.

                                            >You leap out of bed, gather your clothes, check out with the doctor, and leave the castle hospital with Fluttershy.

                                            >Celestia bids her farewells and stands at the top of the castle steps leading down into Canterlot town, watching you retreat into the crowds before rounding a corner.

                                            >A part of her is mortified by what she's done.

                                            >It will take years until you and Fluttershy begin to notice what the Sunshard did, though of course you won't suspect Celestia of anything.

                                            >It'll just have been a terrible accident. Something no one saw coming.

                                            >There's guilt in there, raging in Celestia's soul. Raging for Fluttershy, and the terrible injustice that's been committed this day.

                                            >Amidst the rage a small, mocking voice slithers into Celestia's inner ear.

                                            >A serpentine voice.

                                            >"How delightfully immoral of you."

                                            >Celestia can only nod, for she knows the voice is right.