[FLUTTERRAPE] Anonymous: Sex Bomb


                                            Originally uploaded to Pastebin: February 5rd, 2013

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                                            Update 30/04/2021 -- After a bit of thought, as well as seeing how other writers are doing things these days, I've decided that separate pastes for chapters is superfluous. Both parts of the story have now been consolidated into a single paste.


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                                            Part 1

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                                            >Day Sensual in Equestria

                                            >You are Mayor Mare

                                            >As you have been for the last 15 years

                                            >Wake up in your office again, a bottle of Gin next to your head, which is lying on the desk

                                            >Take a while to get your bearings, staring at the door facing you for a second

                                            >Shake your head

                                            >Slap yourself

                                            >Scratch a developing itch on your foreleg

                                            >Smile sleepily and look around your office

                                            >Pictures of you with various important figures adorn the walls

                                            >You with the Griffon Lord, taken about 13 years ago

                                            >You with the last living descendent of the Priests of Harmony

                                            >You with your daughter, long since moved away to Canterlot to pursue her art career

                                            >A great number of photographs of you with Princess Celestia, since she seems to drop by every other month

                                            >You study the pictures for a while longer until your eyes settle on the most recent, and by far most peculiar

                                            >You shaking hooves, or rather, 'hands' with the town's most bizarre inhabitant - Anonymous. The resident Alien.

                                            >He came by about a year and a half ago. Literally dropped out of the sky and created a huge crater in the town square that you had to fix using the 'new roof' budget

                                            >Frown at the picture

                                            >Some heralded him as the beginning of the end, and given this town's history with over exaggerated drama; everyone quickly either took up arms against him or started cults worshipping him.

                                            >Anonymous reacted to both with the same response

                                            >Gratuitous amounts of swearing, shouting, and slaps across the face

                                            >Nowadays he strolls around town looking for odd-jobs and causing trouble wherever he sees fit

                                            >You peer closely at the picture

                                            >Anonymous and you are both smiling at the camera, your hoof in his hand.

                                            >He was very civil during the photo shoot, especially after he threw a vase at the camera-man for suggesting that Anon be kept on a leash

                                            >But something you had never noticed before has caught your eye

                                            >Looking closer, the window you and Anon are stood in front of is being occupied

                                            >Right in the corner of it, a small yellow face with teal eyes and a pink mane is looking through the glass and at Anonymous

                                            >Raise an eyebrow

                                            >Looks a lot like Fluttershy

                                            >Shake your head and sigh

                                            >Of course it's Fluttershy. She hasn't left the poor human alone since he got here

                                            >Half the trouble he's involved in also involves her

                                            >Silly little thing, she is.

                                            >Still, it's harmless shenanigans.

                                            >...Most of the time

                                            >You recall the moment where Anon was stood on the top flag pole of the town hall, completely naked and beating his chest while Fluttershy circled around the human, throwing bits of fruit at him

                                            >Admittedly, it was a fantastic boost to the town's tourist trade. But other than that it was just awkward to watch

                                            >You walk back over to your desk and place the gin back in the top drawer

                                            >Then you head towards the office door and walk down to the Town Hall's kitchen

                                            >This isn't the first time you've done this. Not by a long shot.

                                            >Late nights at the office usually end with you getting drunk and... Experimenting with yourself

                                            >You blush slightly and try not to think about your drunken antics while you head towards the kitchen

                                            >Nudging open the door you go over to the fridge

                                            >Gotta be a daisy sandwich in here left over, or anything that can fill the growing void in your stomach

                                            >You go to pull open the fridge door when the entire thing shudders, and a loud bang occurs from the inside

                                            >You take a step back and stare at the fridge

                                            >Clearly it isn't pleased with its current sacrifices and requires the blood of a virgin

                                            >This has happened before, after the first Cult of Anon cropped up, they started enchanting household objects with black magic

                                            >Bloody cultists

                                            >You grumble and grab a knife from a nearby knife-block, ready to do early morning CQC with the blood hungry fridge while also hung-over

                                            >The shit you do for this town

                                            >The fridge door opens

                                            >You brace yourself

                                            >And out climbs Anon

                                            >You both hold each other's gazes for a minute

                                            >He slowly eases himself out of the fridge

                                            >How he got in there to begin with, you're not sure

                                            >He looks to the left and the right, then back at you

                                            >"Heeeey..."

                                            ...Hey.

                                            >He is, once again, naked. Seems like every time you meet him his clothes just vanish

                                            >You blush again

                                            >Of course, you haven't done THAT with him... It's just... Circumstance.

                                            >You don't need to look down. You've already seen his package enough to know how big it is

                                            >Several stallions around Ponyville are rather jealous. Let's just leave it at that.

                                            >He wipes some flour off his skin and coughs into a fist

                                            >"Listen... This might look weird, but I swear to god I can explain"

                                            >You raise an eyebrow at him and motion for him to continue

                                            >"Well, see. There was Fluttershy involved... And she wanted to know if food was my fetish... Things got a bit complicated."

                                            >He ruffles his hair and some eggshells fall out

                                            >His entire front is covered in egg yolk

                                            >His crotch is smeared with dried Peach Jam

                                            >You can't even begin to imagine what the poor guy went through last night

                                            >"...So as a result, I had to stay the night in your fridge. Sorry."

                                            >You didn't catch any of that, but you smile and nod at him anyway

                                            >He smiles back, satisfied that you were listening

                                            >"Ok! Well. I'm uhh, gonna go home."

                                            >He stares at you for a second

                                            >"Bye."

                                            >Then casually strolls out the door as if nothing happened

                                            >You watch him go, his tight buttocks bouncing slightly with each step

                                            >You catch yourself biting your lower lip

                                            Snap out of it, Mayor.

                                            >You say under your breath

                                            >Look back at the fridge

                                            >It's a complete wreck

                                            >Notice a small half-eaten bun on the bottom shelf that hadn't been crushed by Anon

                                            >Pick it up and eat it

                                            >Don't judge.

                                            >Food's food.


                                            >Once you finish eating whatever was in the fridge, you head back up to the office and sit down

                                            >Tap your hooves together and sigh

                                            >The clock is ticking

                                            >Your secretary doesn't get in for another 30 minutes

                                            >You eye the top drawer of the desk

                                            ...

                                            >Oh come on, you deserve something after that fright this morning.

                                            >2 hours later you're trotting through town

                                            >Busy busy busy!

                                            >First you have an appointment at Sweet Apple Acres regarding Applejack's food output

                                            >A growing town needs a growing food supply

                                            >You stroll down the country roads, looking at the trees and humming

                                            >So much to do, such little time

                                            >You turn down a side road on the way to the farm, the morning sun beaming down on you

                                            >Smile

                                            >You love this town

                                            >Hell, without sounding like one of those "Hippy-ponies" that your daughter was for a few months, you love life.

                                            >It's full of excitements. You just never know what's around the corner-

                                            >You turn a corner

                                            >Anonymous, fully clothed, leaps over a log and pulls out a hand axe, before hurling it back the way he came

                                            >It embeds itself in a tree trunk

                                            >"NOT TODAY, YOU FUCKER!"

                                            >He sprints on past you, not even stopping to acknowledge that you were there

                                            >A mere second later, Fluttershy explodes out of the bush next to the tree the axe was embedded in

                                            >"LOVE ME, YOU CELESTIA-DAMNED APE!"

                                            >She growls and flies after him

                                            >You stand there and blink a few times

                                            >Look at the hand-axe, stuck fast in the tree trunk

                                            >Good thing it missed. Fluttershy would have been killed

                                            >Walk up to it and grip it with your mouth

                                            >Tug and pull, grunting slightly

                                            >After one last pull you tear it out of the bark and carry on towards the farm

                                            >Applejack is moving some farm equipment around

                                            >You trot on up to her, ready to be all professional.

                                            >Got to keep up appearances around here, or ponies might think-

                                            >"Uhh, Ms Mayor? Why're ya holdin' an axe?"

                                            >Oh bugger.

                                            >You spit out the axe and laugh nervously

                                            Oh, that. Uhh. It was ahh... Anonymous and Fluttershy.

                                            >Applejack nods understandingly

                                            >"Ah see. Yeah, I wondered what they were both doin' 'round these parts."

                                            >You both chat about Anon for a while before getting down to business

                                            >Applejack agrees to expand her orchard sizes as long as you provide her with a bigger budget, of which you're all too happy to do so.

                                            >You make your way back towards the town, thinking about Anonymous

                                            >Where did he even get an axe?

                                            >As you approach town hall you see a huge group of ponies outside it, shouting

                                            >Panic fills you

                                            >Dammit! They know that you're dealing with the black market to keep the town economy afloat!

                                            >Readying your best excuses and linguistic loopholes, you prepare to give a rousing speech to rally the town in your favour

                                            >The ponies see you coming and let you past

                                            >You trot up to the podium that is set up at the front

                                            >Your secretary stands beside it, looking haggard

                                            >Poor dear

                                            >Taking your stand, you clear your throat, getting the attention of the crowd

                                            Now, I know you're all wondering why I did it. But I love this town and am not afraid to-

                                            >"WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT ANON!"

                                            ...To do something about Anon! Yes!

                                            >You smile at the crowd

                                            >Your smile falters

                                            What?

                                            >"Anonymous! The Human! He's out of control!"

                                            >The rest of the ponies agree with the mare that said it

                                            Ahh, why? What in Equestria is wrong with Anon?

                                            >You choose to forget what just happened with the Axe and the attempted murder

                                            >"He's promiscuous! Vile! And is a threat to our foals!"

                                            >More agreements

                                            Now now, settle down. What exactly do you mean "Promiscuous"?

                                            >The mare takes a step forward and lets her voice be heard

                                            >"Anonymous is a bad influence on this town! He sleeps around and is ruining our families with his immature and irresponsible behaviour! I've put up with him for a year and a half, but something needs to be done!"

                                            >Yet more ponies shout their approval

                                            >You stare at her

                                            So what you're saying is... Anonymous is bad because he... Sleeps with ponies?

                                            >"Yes!"

                                            >Well shit. This is news to you. You didn't think Anon's stable door swung that way

                                            >Maybe you can-

                                            >Focus, Mayor. Focus.

                                            Well, ahh. I'm sure what Anon does in his own time is his own business, ma'am. I fail to see what the problem is here.

                                            >"The problem is that he and his little... HARLOT, that 'Fluttershy' character, are always performing grotesque sexual acts in public!"

                                            If I might offer a rebuttal, those acts are hardly Anon's fault. They're more to do with Fluttershy.

                                            >"It is still depraved! And what if our foals try to impersonate it? What then?"

                                            I'm sure that your foals are smart enough NOT to try this, ma'am. You need to give them a little bit more credit.

                                            >Several ponies murmur in agreement from that last remark

                                            >The mare is getting flustered, and is losing support from the rest of the crowd

                                            >You notice that there are actually no children in this crowd

                                            >You can use this to your advantage, and appeal to the adult side of them

                                            Besides, it's just sex! There's nothing wrong with having a bit of fun now and then, right?

                                            >A mare stood at the front quickly blurts out an answer

                                            >"Yeah! It's just sex with Anon! What's wrong with that!?"

                                            >Every single pony stares at her, even you

                                            Uhh.

                                            >The pony shuffles nervously

                                            >You raise an eyebrow

                                            What do you mean, "Sex with Anon"? I was referring to just sex in general.

                                            >She blushes deeply and cowers a little under the gaze of her peers

                                            >"I-I... Umm... W-well Anon is a really great guy..."

                                            >Another mare stood next to her groans

                                            >"Oh my god, Rose. Did you sleep with ANON?!"

                                            >"M-maybe..."

                                            >The crowd groans

                                            >Rose suddenly gets bolder

                                            >"W-why do you sound so hostile anyway, Lily? Everyp0ny knows you have a thing for Anon!"

                                            >Several "oohs" from the crowd

                                            >"He wasn't even that good in bed!"

                                            >She quickly slaps some hooves over her mouth, but it's too late

                                            >Rose laughs

                                            >"HA! You slept with him, didn't you?"

                                            >The original reason for the crowd all but forgotten, every pony suddenly starts shouting at Lily and Rose for not "Being a proper Pony"

                                            >Calls of blatant racism are heard and various curses and hooves are pointed at the wrong people

                                            >"I BLAME THE GRIFFONS! IT'S THEIR ANCIENT BLOOD RITUALS THAT HAVE CURSED OUR TOWN WITH PROMISCUITY!"

                                            >"YOU'RE WRONG! IT'S A GOVERNMENT PLOT TO ESTABLISH ORDER OVER THE POPULATION!"

                                            >"I BET THE JAHOOVES DID THIS."

                                            >You rest your forehead on the podium and sigh

                                            >Raise your head again and look at your secretary

                                            >She's doing the crossword puzzle in today's paper

                                            >Look back at the crowd

                                            >They have stopped the initial shitstorm and are now blaming each other

                                            >"I'll have you know that I have over 300 confirmed clients, I'm a far better lawyer than you'll ever be!"

                                            >"Can it, Timeturner. You're not even a real lawyer."

                                            >"HOW DARE YOU!"

                                            All of you! Be quiet!

                                            >The mare arguing with Timeturner looks flushed and looks back at you

                                            >"I'm sorry, Ms Mayor, but my family has upheld pony tradition of generations! None of us would consort with a... 'Human'!"

                                            >Weren't they talking about Law?

                                            >Whatever...

                                            >The mare's husband shuffles and goes bright red

                                            >The mare catches on

                                            >"...Darling?"

                                            >He laughs nervously

                                            >"Y-yeah, we wouldn't d-dare consort..."

                                            >She stares at him

                                            >Her jaw slowly drops open

                                            >He puts on a fake smile

                                            >A vein on the mare's forehead pops out

                                            >You raise your eyebrows. Both of them, this time

                                            >This is getting interesting

                                            >"D-darling. Did you SLEEP. WITH A HUMAN?!"

                                            >The stallion tries to take control

                                            >"Now, honeybun, I'll have you know that I was drunk and-"

                                            >"YOU ARE GETTING DRUNK BEHIND MY BACK?! YOU WERE 10 YEARS SOBER!"

                                            >The shit storm begins anew

                                            >Ponies everywhere start shouting at each other

                                            >You watch in awe as nearly half of Ponyville confesses to some form of sexual activity with the local Alien

                                            >Eventually you decide to impose order

                                            BEEE QUIIIEEEET!

                                            >Eveyp0ny freezes and looks at you

                                            >You pant

                                            Now... Is there anyone here who HASN'T had sex with Anonymous?

                                            >A single hoof raises at the back

                                            >It's yellow

                                            >And attached to Fluttershy

                                            >You try not to snicker

                                            >She speaks up, looking at everyone in the crowd from behind her mane

                                            >"Umm... W-what do you all mean you s-slept with Anon?"

                                            >Everyp0ny avoids her gaze

                                            >You just stare

                                            >This whole scene is bewildering

                                            >Not only because half the town actually slept with an alien lifeform, but the only pony who actually SEEMS like she wants to, hasn't done.

                                            >Before anyone can say anything, Anon strolls onto the stage, drinking a milkshake and carrying a newspaper under his arm

                                            >He seemingly just realises where he is, and looks around

                                            >"Oh. Uhh. Hi, guys. What's new?"

                                            >Fluttershy rises above the crowd, her face a picture of the purest rage imaginable

                                            >"ANONYMOUS! WHY HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH HALF THE TOWN?!"

                                            >He blankly looks at her

                                            >"Uhh. I was drunk."

                                            >She screams like a banshee and flies at him

                                            >He shouts in panic and runs off the stage, dropping his milkshake and newspaper as he runs

                                            >The crowd, you, and your secretary watch him go

                                            >Silence reigns for a few moments

                                            >You turn your gaze back to the crowd

                                            >They're all looking at something on the stage

                                            >You follow their eyes and look down

                                            >Anon's milkshake is lying in a puddle of banana-flavoured goodness on the wooden stage

                                            >After a while, Rose says something very slowly.

                                            >"...His lips touched that straw."

                                            >The cat was out of the bag

                                            >Everyp0ny knew everyp0ny else's darkest secrets

                                            >There was nothing to hide anymore

                                            >This realisation hits you and your eyes widen in panic

                                            >Your head bolts up and you face the crowd once more

                                            REMAIN CALM EVERP-

                                            >"HIS LIPS TOUCHED THAT STRAW!"

                                            >You scream as every stallion and mare swarms the stage, desperate to get their hooves on the precious artefact

                                            >With your final breath you curse the one that caused all this before you get consumed by the sea of ponies fighting over the straw

                                            FUCKING ANON!


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                                            Part 2

                                            ---


                                            >Day Trauma in Equestria

                                            >Wake up in your office again

                                            >You wince and gently put a hoof to your head

                                            >A bandage envelops your noggin

                                            >Frown and stagger over to the office door

                                            >Limp down the hallway to your secretary's office

                                            >Push open the door

                                            >She's sat behind her own desk filing her hoof

                                            >Does she even do any work around here...?

                                            >Clear your throat

                                            >She looks up and throws the hooffile over her shoulder

                                            >"Hello, Ma'am! How are you feeling?"

                                            Dizzy. Confused. The usual. What happened?

                                            >She smirks

                                            >"You got trampled by half of Ponyville after they jumped onto a straw that Anon was sipping from"

                                            ...Huh

                                            >You turn and go to walk out the door, still a bit dazed

                                            >"Wait! Ma'am!"

                                            >Slowly turn back around

                                            >"Are you sure you're ok? You look a bit beaten up"

                                            I was just trampled, Notework. Trampled. Yes I feel beaten up.

                                            >Notework's ears flatten and she looks sympathetically at you

                                            >"Would you like me to walk you home or...?"

                                            No.

                                            >Turn around

                                            >Turn back around

                                            Yes.

                                            >Notework escorts you out of the Town Hall and towards your house

                                            >She fusses over you

                                            >You just want to ask her one thing

                                            Why am I not in hospital?

                                            >She freezes

                                            >"O-oh. Uhh, well it was easier to patch you up in the Town Hall"

                                            And then leave me on the floor of my office, I see...

                                            >She solemnly looks at the ground as she walks alongside you

                                            >"I'm sorry... Ma'am..."

                                            >Pat her on the back and smile

                                            It's ok, Notework. I've been through worse.

                                            >On the first day of office you had a fight with a bear

                                            >It was the talk of the town for months afterwards

                                            >Tourism profits were boosted by 340%

                                            >It was advised that you fight bears more often, but you declined for obvious reasons

                                            >There weren't that many bears to beat up

                                            >You grin to yourself

                                            >Your younger years were filled with crazy nonsense like fighting bears

                                            >Father was an undercity cage fighter

                                            >Not a very well-known fact, that.

                                            >But he was a good stallion. He raised you well, fought to pay for your education. Supported you every step of the way through law school.

                                            >Sigh

                                            >You missed father at times...

                                            >"Ma'am? Everything alright?"

                                            What? Oh, yes. I'm fine. Just thinking of my younger years.

                                            >Notework laughs softly

                                            >"Younger years, Ma'am?"

                                            Yes... I used to wrestle bears you know!

                                            >"So I've heard, Ma'am. But I was just a filly back then. So I don't really remember."

                                            Psssh. Come now, you're not that young, are you?

                                            >"I'm afraid so, Ma'am. I'm 20."

                                            >Stare at her

                                            20? Really?

                                            >"Yes, Ma'am"

                                            >Look ahead, the cogs in your head turning

                                            >Your own secretary was just a foal when you were running the town

                                            >Time flies...

                                            >A great sadness fills you as you near your house

                                            >Notework catches onto this

                                            >"Something wrong, Ma'am?"

                                            I...

                                            >Sigh and unlock your door, before stepping inside and turning to face her, still stood outside with a confused look on her face

                                            I feel old, Notework. I'm 47 this year.

                                            >She frowns at you

                                            >"That's not so old, Ma'am. You look good for your age."

                                            >Smile weakly

                                            Thank you, Notework. That means a lot.

                                            >Ponder for a second

                                            Take the rest of the day off. My treat.

                                            >She brightens up

                                            >"Really? Oh, thank you, Ma'am!"

                                            >She turns to leave

                                            Wait! Just uhh. Just one thing, Notework... If you don't mind.

                                            >She faces you again, her face glowing with happiness

                                            >"Anything, Ma'am."

                                            >Take a deep breath

                                            Have you ahh, done anything with Anonymous?

                                            >She gives you a sly grin

                                            >"I might have done, Ma'am. Why do you ask?"

                                            Oh n-no reason. You enjoy the rest of your day, Notework.

                                            >Slam the door shut a little bit too hard

                                            >Sink to the floor and stare at the hallway rug for a while, thinking.

                                            >When was the last time -you- ever had it off with a stallion?

                                            >Thinking, you can't remember.

                                            >Your daughter was 19 now, and your husband died from Whooping Clop a few months after she was born.

                                            >So that equates to...

                                            >19 years. It's been 19 years since you last got laid.

                                            >It can't have been that long. You've had stallions since then!

                                            >You think back on your life.

                                            >All those drunken work parties

                                            >All those inebriated bouts in your office

                                            >All that time spent-

                                            >You sigh

                                            Alone...

                                            >You drag your hooves upstairs and walk into the bathroom

                                            >A full body mirror is affixed to the wall

                                            >Blink and smush your face with a hoof

                                            >You're not that bad, are you?

                                            >To say that you've been Mayor of the most exciting town in Equestria for the last 15 years, you'd say that you looked pretty good.

                                            >Prod your face again

                                            >Your fur is smooth, and your skin is plushy. Only a couple of stress-related wrinkles can be seen around your eyes, and they're barely noticeable unless you peer closely

                                            >Frown

                                            >Your face scrunches up and more wrinkles appear

                                            >You immediately stop frowning

                                            >Look around, nervously, even though your house is only occupied by you.

                                            >...As it has been for 19 long years

                                            >Focus, Mayor. Don't let those thoughts drag you down. You've led this town through dragons and demi-gods. You can handle your own sex life.

                                            >You slowly turn and look at your own flanks

                                            >They're quite plump

                                            >Massage one with a hoof

                                            >Look around again

                                            >Look back at the mirror

                                            >Slap it

                                            >Watch as it jiggles a bit

                                            >Smirk

                                            >Yeah, you've still got a great ass after all these years

                                            >You stand before the mirror and look at yourself in the eyes

                                            >You're still hot. You've still got it!

                                            >And just because you've spent the last 19 years getting drunk and masturbating in your office doesn't mean you've lost the knack of picking up stallions!

                                            >You think about who you could focus on

                                            >You don't get out that much, considering all the strictly business work you do

                                            >Practically all of the stallions in town are taken as well, due to the hilariously unbalanced gender ratios in Equestria

                                            >Then who?

                                            >Tap your chin with a hoof, you see your face in the mirror scrunch up in thought

                                            >You can't go for Anonymous... He's slept with everyone.

                                            >Except Fluttershy

                                            >Giggle to yourself

                                            >...

                                            >You and Fluttershy are the only ponies in town he hasn't screwed yet.

                                            >By Luna he's even slept with all the stallions.

                                            >You're not as bad as Fluttershy, are you?

                                            >You think about the mare

                                            >She was a model, and is one of the most beautiful mares in town. So why hasn't Anon slept with her yet? Surely she's... Alluring?

                                            >Thinking back, you realise just how off-the-wall that pony really is

                                            >You've seen her set herself on fire, dress in latex, smear herself with olive oil, masturbate with a dildo the size of your foreleg in public, and even organise musical numbers

                                            >Yet Anon has never given in

                                            >You admire his tenacity

                                            >So if Fluttershy can do all that, and still not get him, what chance do you have?

                                            >You look at the floor, feeling miserable.

                                            >All you want is to get in the sack with an alien life form who's had more sexual partners than you've had months in office...

                                            >Is that really too much to ask?

                                            >...

                                            >No, you WILL get him.

                                            >You have the style, the resources, the wit, the strength of will-

                                            >You slap your flank again so hard you accidently moan

                                            >And you sure as hell have the body.

                                            >Raise a hoof to the ceiling and proclaim to the heavens

                                            I swear in Celestia's name, I WILL have sex with Anonymous!

                                            >"Good luck, Ms Mayor!"

                                            >You look to the side

                                            >Your window cleaner is grinning at you

                                            >How long as he been there.

                                            >Stare at him

                                            >He grins back toothily, then carries on whistling and smearing soapy water all over your window

                                            >Later that day, you head back to the office

                                            >You're going to need to plan this out carefully

                                            >Push open your office door and trot over to your trusty desk

                                            >Been here as long as you have, this one.

                                            >Pat it

                                            I'll get him, desk.

                                            >Look towards the framed picture of you and Anon on the wall

                                            I'll get him.

                                            >First of all, his address

                                            >Well you already know where he lives, having gone over there to berate him for damaging the town countless times. So no problems there.

                                            >Next, his habits

                                            >He usually spends all day running around causing trouble or trying to get some extra bits

                                            >If you carefully plant yourself in his path, then lay on the moves, you're sure to have him in the palm of your hoof!

                                            >Do ponies even have palms?

                                            >Doesn't matter. All that matters is Anonymous.

                                            >You giggle at the thought of seduction

                                            >It's been ever so long

                                            >But Anon can't last long against a mare of authority!

                                            >You spend the next 30 minutes plotting and scheming, giggling to yourself and drawing little doodles on tax forms

                                            >You haven't felt this excited in a while

                                            >A knock on the office door snaps you out of your frenzied planning session

                                            >You freeze and stuff all the drawings of you in lewd poses with Anon in the top drawer next to your Gin

                                            >Compose yourself

                                            >You're still the Mayor, dammit. You have to keep up appearances.

                                            Enter?

                                            >Anon pokes his head around the door

                                            >Oh.

                                            >This was rather unexpected

                                            >"Heey, Mayor. Heard about what happened with the riot. Sorry about that."

                                            >This is it. Time to be suave

                                            >You bat your eyelids at him and bite your lower bit, resting your head on a hoof while looking at him

                                            No problem at all... Anonymous...

                                            >He stares at you

                                            >You maintain the pose

                                            >He looks over his shoulder then back at you

                                            >"Are you ok?"

                                            Of course, just hanging around here, alone in my office... Shame there's no one here to 'assist' me.

                                            >Anon rubs the back of his head

                                            >"Well uhh. Alright then. What do you need help with?"

                                            >YES! HE FELL FOR IT!

                                            >You're on the homestretch, Mayor.

                                            >Grin at him and bat your eyelids again

                                            Ohh, you know... Just some ahh, 'paperwork'.

                                            >He shuffles nervously

                                            >"Sounds reasonable, I guess."

                                            >You're so close! This was so much easier than you thought!

                                            >Nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong now!

                                            >15 minutes later you and Anonymous are sat side by side filling out taxes and discussing the town's economy

                                            >"I'm just saying, this town could benefit from a better health care system. Ponies are having to pay far too much for simple injuries"

                                            I'll agree that the health care is flawed, but the doctors aren't going to pay themselves. They need that money to live

                                            >"But how much is needed? Doctors are getting paid huge sums of money, money that the people shouldn't have to pay. A health care system where the doctor's next pay-cheque is dependent on their patients getting injured is terrible"

                                            This town has had the same system in place for 9 years, and ponies have never complained to me!

                                            >"Maybe not, but I've seem good ponies shell out way too many bits for broken bones. A simple checkup costs 25 bits! Where's the sense in that? We're just a small town, Mayor. The ponies around here aren't exactly swimming in money."

                                            I'll look over the health care system tonight and get back to you. But I still think it’s fine, as it encourages ponies to be more careful in the workplace so that they don't have to worry about the medical bill!

                                            >"But that doesn't cover unforeseen accidents, Mayor. And they happen a lot. So what's an old pony going to do if he falls downstairs and breaks a hip? He can't be expected to pay for something that wasn't his fault!"

                                            Ahh, but that's where the pensioner fund comes in!

                                            >You both spend the next 2 hours talking and debating about economics

                                            >By the end of it, you agree to reform the health care plan and Anonymous leaves a happy human

                                            >Sigh happily

                                            >Another day, another problem addressed and solved.

                                            >Stare into space and think to yourself for a while in the silence of your office

                                            >Weren't you supposed to be doing something today?

                                            >...

                                            SON OF A B-

                                            >Day Legal in Equestria

                                            >Yesterday was a trial run. Anonymous is a tougher opponent than expected

                                            >But today you know what you're going to do.

                                            >You haven't run this town for 15 years to be beaten by an ape with a silver tongue!

                                            >March right up to his house

                                            >Bang on the front door

                                            >He opens it, dressed only in boxers and looking pissed off

                                            >"Fuck's sake, Fluttershy, what is it this ti- Oh, Ms Mayor. What can I do for you?"

                                            You... Uhh.

                                            >Crap. What was the plan?

                                            >THINKTHINKTHINK

                                            >TAXES

                                            >YES, PERFECT.

                                            Taxes!

                                            >"What about them."

                                            You uhh, missed your last payment on your house.

                                            >"But I no longer have a mortgage. I paid it all off 4 months ago."

                                            Oh.

                                            >He peers down at you and narrows his eyes

                                            >"Are you alright, Mayor? You seem... off."

                                            >Of course you're not alright.

                                            >You spent all last night in your office getting drunk and pleasuring yourself to the thought of Anon humping you and reciting the Health and Safety act of 1995.

                                            >You blush a little bit

                                            >"You look a bit red, actually. Want to come in?"

                                            Y-yes, please.

                                            >You walk past him and into his house

                                            >He shuts the door behind you and follows you

                                            >Walk into his living room and sit on his sofa

                                            >He leans on the doorway and frowns

                                            >"So what's up?"

                                            Uhhh. I just thought I would umm... Pay you a visit!

                                            >COME ON, MAYOR. YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS! YOU'RE IN HIS HOUSE! PUT ON THE MOVES!

                                            >You stretch out and sprawl yourself across his sofa

                                            I just... Wanted to 'talk'

                                            >Flash him a grin

                                            >He gives you a deadpan look

                                            >Rub a hoof along your inner flank

                                            >Bob your eyebrows at him, while giving him a half lidded stare

                                            >He cocks his head slightly

                                            >"You're sure you haven't taken anything? No drugs or whatever?"

                                            >How is he so oblivious to your advances?! What kind of intense mental training did this human undergo to become so adept at dismissing a mare of your physique?!

                                            Well... I'm certainly on a drug, Anonymous

                                            >"Called?"

                                            Anonymous.

                                            >He groans

                                            >"Oh my god that was just... Horrible. Has that line EVER worked?"

                                            W-well, why don't you step over here and find out?

                                            >[Writer's note: It's fucking painful envisioning this kind of spaghetti in my head]

                                            >"Just stop, Mayor. Please."

                                            >You close your legs and frown at him

                                            Why? What's wrong?

                                            >"What are you even trying to do?"

                                            I'm...

                                            >You sit up and look away from him

                                            I don't know, Anonymous.

                                            >You clear your throat and get up off the sofa

                                            >Straighten your neck scarf thing

                                            I'm sorry about this little misunderstanding, and hope that we can move past it.

                                            >You extend a hoof

                                            >Anon shakes it

                                            >"Thanks, I guess. You sure you don't want to stay for coffee?"

                                            No no, I'm quite alright.

                                            >You trot out the door and back to the office

                                            >Anon watches you go

                                            >He sighs, and takes note of how shapely your rear is as you go

                                            >"That pony..."

                                            >He looks to the left

                                            >Fluttershy is smiling at him

                                            >She holds up a cucumber and some Vaseline

                                            >Get back to the office and sit in your seat

                                            >Stare at your hooves

                                            >You're not very good at this whole seduction thing, you'll admit.

                                            >Why are you even bothering? Anonymous isn't just going to kick down the door and rut you on the desk...

                                            >You glance up at the door, a hopeful look on your face

                                            >Nothing happens, and you sigh.

                                            >Reach towards the top drawer and pull out the gin

                                            >Screw looking after the town, you have issues to deal with.

                                            >Before you place the bottle to your lips, your secretary pops her head around the door

                                            >"Ms Mayor? Are you ok?"

                                            >She sees you about to neck an entire bottle of gin

                                            >Slowly put it down and smile at her

                                            Yes, Notework. I'm fine.

                                            >"You don't look fine. You look kinda haggard. Did you get any sleep last night?"

                                            >The area between your legs twitches at the mention of last night

                                            Of course! I suppose it's just one of those days, you know?

                                            >Notework frowns at you

                                            >"Well, Ma'am, if you're sure..."

                                            >She leaves and you reach towards the gin again, gulping down a large amount and slamming the bottle back on the desk

                                            >Get off your chair and walk to the window

                                            >Look out at Ponyville, watching your citizens walk around, happy and sexually satisfied.

                                            >Oh how you envy them

                                            >You feel almost depressed at the recent revelations in your life

                                            >You'd never stopped to think about your sex life since you came into office. It was just booze, your hoof, and those tubes they use to store rolls of parchment in

                                            >Something catches your eye

                                            >Watch with longing as Anonymous sprints through down, Fluttershy chasing him with a cucumber and a tub of vaseline

                                            >He trips up and goes down

                                            >Watch as Fluttershy smears vaseline all over him and tries to cram the cucumber up his ass

                                            >May as well help the guy out

                                            >You exit the town hall and trot up to the two of them

                                            >Clear your throat

                                            >They both freeze, Fluttershy in the middle of greasing up Anon's bare chest after she tore off he shirt

                                            >"Y-yes?"

                                            Fluttershy. Please leave.

                                            >"No"

                                            I'll rephrase that, leave now, or I'll call the police. As I should have done many times before.

                                            >She squeals and flies off

                                            >You look down at Anonymous, who is naked and covered in slime

                                            >Smile

                                            Want to come with me and clean up?

                                            >"Y-yeah, okay..."

                                            >You help him up and he follows you into the town hall

                                            >You show him the bathroom and he cleans himself up using copious amounts of paper towel

                                            >After a while, you're sat in your office, playing with the bottle of gin and staring at the pictures on the wall

                                            >A knock on the door brings you back to the real world

                                            Come in.

                                            >Anonymous walks in

                                            >"Thanks for the help back there, Mayor. I really appreciate it."

                                            No problem.

                                            >You look back at the pictures. Your gung-ho attitude gone.

                                            >What's the point?

                                            >"So uhh, wanna bang?"

                                            >Nod slowly

                                            Wait. What?

                                            >Anon is smiling at you

                                            >"Wanna bang? It's the least I could do."

                                            >You gape at him

                                            Seriously?

                                            >"Well yeah, I mean you helped me ou-"

                                            No no no, I was putting on the moves! I did everything right! My body is hot!

                                            >You stand up and slap your ass, looking at him desperately

                                            >He looks back, a bemused expression his face

                                            >"Well no, not really. I don't think "The moves" would even work in a porn flick"

                                            >He chuckles

                                            >"All you needed to do was ask. Everyone else did."

                                            >He motions to the bottle of gin on the desk

                                            >"That helps as well"

                                            >You're just staring at him

                                            But... But Fluttershy! Why haven't you done Fluttershy?!

                                            >He looks back, a cheery look on his face

                                            >"She doesn't wash, Mayor. But I notice that you d-"

                                            >You tackle that human so hard you think you might have broken his rib

                                            >Lock the door

                                            >Pull the curtains shut

                                            >And don't leave the office for the rest of the day

                                            >Several times he tries to escape, but you just drag him back inside the office


                                            >7 hours later

                                            >Anon is led on the floor, staring at the ceiling, a distant look in his eyes

                                            >You sit on his belly and drink from your bottle of gin, wiping your mouth with a hoof

                                            >Look down at the "Sexual Dynamo" who slept with all of Ponyville

                                            >Shrug

                                            >He was ok.

                                            >You'd give him a 7/10 for stamina and managing to keep it up with you.

                                            >Smile and take a swig of gin

                                            >Anon groans again

                                            >"My dick hurts..."

                                            >Chuckle

                                            You still got it, Mayor.


                                            The End