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[FLUTTERRAPE] Anonymous: Sex Bomb

By Nebulus
Created: 2020-12-17 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-07-03 12:41:23
Expiry: Never

  1. Originally uploaded to Pastebin: February 5rd, 2013
  2. ---
  3.  
  4. Update 30/04/2021 -- After a bit of thought, as well as seeing how other writers are doing things these days, I've decided that separate pastes for chapters is superfluous. Both parts of the story have now been consolidated into a single paste.
  5.  
  6. ---
  7. Part 1
  8. ---
  9.  
  10. >Day Sensual in Equestria
  11. >You are Mayor Mare
  12. >As you have been for the last 15 years
  13. >Wake up in your office again, a bottle of Gin next to your head, which is lying on the desk
  14. >Take a while to get your bearings, staring at the door facing you for a second
  15. >Shake your head
  16. >Slap yourself
  17. >Scratch a developing itch on your foreleg
  18. >Smile sleepily and look around your office
  19. >Pictures of you with various important figures adorn the walls
  20. >You with the Griffon Lord, taken about 13 years ago
  21. >You with the last living descendent of the Priests of Harmony
  22. >You with your daughter, long since moved away to Canterlot to pursue her art career
  23. >A great number of photographs of you with Princess Celestia, since she seems to drop by every other month
  24. >You study the pictures for a while longer until your eyes settle on the most recent, and by far most peculiar
  25. >You shaking hooves, or rather, 'hands' with the town's most bizarre inhabitant - Anonymous. The resident Alien.
  26. >He came by about a year and a half ago. Literally dropped out of the sky and created a huge crater in the town square that you had to fix using the 'new roof' budget
  27. >Frown at the picture
  28. >Some heralded him as the beginning of the end, and given this town's history with over exaggerated drama; everyone quickly either took up arms against him or started cults worshipping him.
  29. >Anonymous reacted to both with the same response
  30. >Gratuitous amounts of swearing, shouting, and slaps across the face
  31. >Nowadays he strolls around town looking for odd-jobs and causing trouble wherever he sees fit
  32. >You peer closely at the picture
  33. >Anonymous and you are both smiling at the camera, your hoof in his hand.
  34. >He was very civil during the photo shoot, especially after he threw a vase at the camera-man for suggesting that Anon be kept on a leash
  35. >But something you had never noticed before has caught your eye
  36. >Looking closer, the window you and Anon are stood in front of is being occupied
  37. >Right in the corner of it, a small yellow face with teal eyes and a pink mane is looking through the glass and at Anonymous
  38. >Raise an eyebrow
  39. >Looks a lot like Fluttershy
  40. >Shake your head and sigh
  41. >Of course it's Fluttershy. She hasn't left the poor human alone since he got here
  42. >Half the trouble he's involved in also involves her
  43. >Silly little thing, she is.
  44. >Still, it's harmless shenanigans.
  45. >...Most of the time
  46. >You recall the moment where Anon was stood on the top flag pole of the town hall, completely naked and beating his chest while Fluttershy circled around the human, throwing bits of fruit at him
  47. >Admittedly, it was a fantastic boost to the town's tourist trade. But other than that it was just awkward to watch
  48. >You walk back over to your desk and place the gin back in the top drawer
  49. >Then you head towards the office door and walk down to the Town Hall's kitchen
  50. >This isn't the first time you've done this. Not by a long shot.
  51. >Late nights at the office usually end with you getting drunk and... Experimenting with yourself
  52. >You blush slightly and try not to think about your drunken antics while you head towards the kitchen
  53. >Nudging open the door you go over to the fridge
  54. >Gotta be a daisy sandwich in here left over, or anything that can fill the growing void in your stomach
  55. >You go to pull open the fridge door when the entire thing shudders, and a loud bang occurs from the inside
  56. >You take a step back and stare at the fridge
  57. >Clearly it isn't pleased with its current sacrifices and requires the blood of a virgin
  58. >This has happened before, after the first Cult of Anon cropped up, they started enchanting household objects with black magic
  59. >Bloody cultists
  60. >You grumble and grab a knife from a nearby knife-block, ready to do early morning CQC with the blood hungry fridge while also hung-over
  61. >The shit you do for this town
  62. >The fridge door opens
  63. >You brace yourself
  64. >And out climbs Anon
  65. >You both hold each other's gazes for a minute
  66. >He slowly eases himself out of the fridge
  67. >How he got in there to begin with, you're not sure
  68. >He looks to the left and the right, then back at you
  69. >"Heeeey..."
  70. ...Hey.
  71. >He is, once again, naked. Seems like every time you meet him his clothes just vanish
  72. >You blush again
  73. >Of course, you haven't done THAT with him... It's just... Circumstance.
  74. >You don't need to look down. You've already seen his package enough to know how big it is
  75. >Several stallions around Ponyville are rather jealous. Let's just leave it at that.
  76. >He wipes some flour off his skin and coughs into a fist
  77. >"Listen... This might look weird, but I swear to god I can explain"
  78. >You raise an eyebrow at him and motion for him to continue
  79. >"Well, see. There was Fluttershy involved... And she wanted to know if food was my fetish... Things got a bit complicated."
  80. >He ruffles his hair and some eggshells fall out
  81. >His entire front is covered in egg yolk
  82. >His crotch is smeared with dried Peach Jam
  83. >You can't even begin to imagine what the poor guy went through last night
  84. >"...So as a result, I had to stay the night in your fridge. Sorry."
  85. >You didn't catch any of that, but you smile and nod at him anyway
  86. >He smiles back, satisfied that you were listening
  87. >"Ok! Well. I'm uhh, gonna go home."
  88. >He stares at you for a second
  89. >"Bye."
  90. >Then casually strolls out the door as if nothing happened
  91. >You watch him go, his tight buttocks bouncing slightly with each step
  92. >You catch yourself biting your lower lip
  93. Snap out of it, Mayor.
  94. >You say under your breath
  95. >Look back at the fridge
  96. >It's a complete wreck
  97. >Notice a small half-eaten bun on the bottom shelf that hadn't been crushed by Anon
  98. >Pick it up and eat it
  99. >Don't judge.
  100. >Food's food.
  101.  
  102. >Once you finish eating whatever was in the fridge, you head back up to the office and sit down
  103. >Tap your hooves together and sigh
  104. >The clock is ticking
  105. >Your secretary doesn't get in for another 30 minutes
  106. >You eye the top drawer of the desk
  107. ...
  108. >Oh come on, you deserve something after that fright this morning.
  109. >2 hours later you're trotting through town
  110. >Busy busy busy!
  111. >First you have an appointment at Sweet Apple Acres regarding Applejack's food output
  112. >A growing town needs a growing food supply
  113. >You stroll down the country roads, looking at the trees and humming
  114. >So much to do, such little time
  115. >You turn down a side road on the way to the farm, the morning sun beaming down on you
  116. >Smile
  117. >You love this town
  118. >Hell, without sounding like one of those "Hippy-ponies" that your daughter was for a few months, you love life.
  119. >It's full of excitements. You just never know what's around the corner-
  120. >You turn a corner
  121. >Anonymous, fully clothed, leaps over a log and pulls out a hand axe, before hurling it back the way he came
  122. >It embeds itself in a tree trunk
  123. >"NOT TODAY, YOU FUCKER!"
  124. >He sprints on past you, not even stopping to acknowledge that you were there
  125. >A mere second later, Fluttershy explodes out of the bush next to the tree the axe was embedded in
  126. >"LOVE ME, YOU CELESTIA-DAMNED APE!"
  127. >She growls and flies after him
  128. >You stand there and blink a few times
  129. >Look at the hand-axe, stuck fast in the tree trunk
  130. >Good thing it missed. Fluttershy would have been killed
  131. >Walk up to it and grip it with your mouth
  132. >Tug and pull, grunting slightly
  133. >After one last pull you tear it out of the bark and carry on towards the farm
  134. >Applejack is moving some farm equipment around
  135. >You trot on up to her, ready to be all professional.
  136. >Got to keep up appearances around here, or ponies might think-
  137. >"Uhh, Ms Mayor? Why're ya holdin' an axe?"
  138. >Oh bugger.
  139. >You spit out the axe and laugh nervously
  140. Oh, that. Uhh. It was ahh... Anonymous and Fluttershy.
  141. >Applejack nods understandingly
  142. >"Ah see. Yeah, I wondered what they were both doin' 'round these parts."
  143. >You both chat about Anon for a while before getting down to business
  144. >Applejack agrees to expand her orchard sizes as long as you provide her with a bigger budget, of which you're all too happy to do so.
  145. >You make your way back towards the town, thinking about Anonymous
  146. >Where did he even get an axe?
  147. >As you approach town hall you see a huge group of ponies outside it, shouting
  148. >Panic fills you
  149. >Dammit! They know that you're dealing with the black market to keep the town economy afloat!
  150. >Readying your best excuses and linguistic loopholes, you prepare to give a rousing speech to rally the town in your favour
  151. >The ponies see you coming and let you past
  152. >You trot up to the podium that is set up at the front
  153. >Your secretary stands beside it, looking haggard
  154. >Poor dear
  155. >Taking your stand, you clear your throat, getting the attention of the crowd
  156. Now, I know you're all wondering why I did it. But I love this town and am not afraid to-
  157. >"WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT ANON!"
  158. ...To do something about Anon! Yes!
  159. >You smile at the crowd
  160. >Your smile falters
  161. What?
  162. >"Anonymous! The Human! He's out of control!"
  163. >The rest of the ponies agree with the mare that said it
  164. Ahh, why? What in Equestria is wrong with Anon?
  165. >You choose to forget what just happened with the Axe and the attempted murder
  166. >"He's promiscuous! Vile! And is a threat to our foals!"
  167. >More agreements
  168. Now now, settle down. What exactly do you mean "Promiscuous"?
  169. >The mare takes a step forward and lets her voice be heard
  170. >"Anonymous is a bad influence on this town! He sleeps around and is ruining our families with his immature and irresponsible behaviour! I've put up with him for a year and a half, but something needs to be done!"
  171. >Yet more ponies shout their approval
  172. >You stare at her
  173. So what you're saying is... Anonymous is bad because he... Sleeps with ponies?
  174. >"Yes!"
  175. >Well shit. This is news to you. You didn't think Anon's stable door swung that way
  176. >Maybe you can-
  177. >Focus, Mayor. Focus.
  178. Well, ahh. I'm sure what Anon does in his own time is his own business, ma'am. I fail to see what the problem is here.
  179. >"The problem is that he and his little... HARLOT, that 'Fluttershy' character, are always performing grotesque sexual acts in public!"
  180. If I might offer a rebuttal, those acts are hardly Anon's fault. They're more to do with Fluttershy.
  181. >"It is still depraved! And what if our foals try to impersonate it? What then?"
  182. I'm sure that your foals are smart enough NOT to try this, ma'am. You need to give them a little bit more credit.
  183. >Several ponies murmur in agreement from that last remark
  184. >The mare is getting flustered, and is losing support from the rest of the crowd
  185. >You notice that there are actually no children in this crowd
  186. >You can use this to your advantage, and appeal to the adult side of them
  187. Besides, it's just sex! There's nothing wrong with having a bit of fun now and then, right?
  188. >A mare stood at the front quickly blurts out an answer
  189. >"Yeah! It's just sex with Anon! What's wrong with that!?"
  190. >Every single pony stares at her, even you
  191. Uhh.
  192. >The pony shuffles nervously
  193. >You raise an eyebrow
  194. What do you mean, "Sex with Anon"? I was referring to just sex in general.
  195. >She blushes deeply and cowers a little under the gaze of her peers
  196. >"I-I... Umm... W-well Anon is a really great guy..."
  197. >Another mare stood next to her groans
  198. >"Oh my god, Rose. Did you sleep with ANON?!"
  199. >"M-maybe..."
  200. >The crowd groans
  201. >Rose suddenly gets bolder
  202. >"W-why do you sound so hostile anyway, Lily? Everyp0ny knows you have a thing for Anon!"
  203. >Several "oohs" from the crowd
  204. >"He wasn't even that good in bed!"
  205. >She quickly slaps some hooves over her mouth, but it's too late
  206. >Rose laughs
  207. >"HA! You slept with him, didn't you?"
  208. >The original reason for the crowd all but forgotten, every pony suddenly starts shouting at Lily and Rose for not "Being a proper Pony"
  209. >Calls of blatant racism are heard and various curses and hooves are pointed at the wrong people
  210. >"I BLAME THE GRIFFONS! IT'S THEIR ANCIENT BLOOD RITUALS THAT HAVE CURSED OUR TOWN WITH PROMISCUITY!"
  211. >"YOU'RE WRONG! IT'S A GOVERNMENT PLOT TO ESTABLISH ORDER OVER THE POPULATION!"
  212. >"I BET THE JAHOOVES DID THIS."
  213. >You rest your forehead on the podium and sigh
  214. >Raise your head again and look at your secretary
  215. >She's doing the crossword puzzle in today's paper
  216. >Look back at the crowd
  217. >They have stopped the initial shitstorm and are now blaming each other
  218. >"I'll have you know that I have over 300 confirmed clients, I'm a far better lawyer than you'll ever be!"
  219. >"Can it, Timeturner. You're not even a real lawyer."
  220. >"HOW DARE YOU!"
  221. All of you! Be quiet!
  222. >The mare arguing with Timeturner looks flushed and looks back at you
  223. >"I'm sorry, Ms Mayor, but my family has upheld pony tradition of generations! None of us would consort with a... 'Human'!"
  224. >Weren't they talking about Law?
  225. >Whatever...
  226. >The mare's husband shuffles and goes bright red
  227. >The mare catches on
  228. >"...Darling?"
  229. >He laughs nervously
  230. >"Y-yeah, we wouldn't d-dare consort..."
  231. >She stares at him
  232. >Her jaw slowly drops open
  233. >He puts on a fake smile
  234. >A vein on the mare's forehead pops out
  235. >You raise your eyebrows. Both of them, this time
  236. >This is getting interesting
  237. >"D-darling. Did you SLEEP. WITH A HUMAN?!"
  238. >The stallion tries to take control
  239. >"Now, honeybun, I'll have you know that I was drunk and-"
  240. >"YOU ARE GETTING DRUNK BEHIND MY BACK?! YOU WERE 10 YEARS SOBER!"
  241. >The shit storm begins anew
  242. >Ponies everywhere start shouting at each other
  243. >You watch in awe as nearly half of Ponyville confesses to some form of sexual activity with the local Alien
  244. >Eventually you decide to impose order
  245. BEEE QUIIIEEEET!
  246. >Eveyp0ny freezes and looks at you
  247. >You pant
  248. Now... Is there anyone here who HASN'T had sex with Anonymous?
  249. >A single hoof raises at the back
  250. >It's yellow
  251. >And attached to Fluttershy
  252. >You try not to snicker
  253. >She speaks up, looking at everyone in the crowd from behind her mane
  254. >"Umm... W-what do you all mean you s-slept with Anon?"
  255. >Everyp0ny avoids her gaze
  256. >You just stare
  257. >This whole scene is bewildering
  258. >Not only because half the town actually slept with an alien lifeform, but the only pony who actually SEEMS like she wants to, hasn't done.
  259. >Before anyone can say anything, Anon strolls onto the stage, drinking a milkshake and carrying a newspaper under his arm
  260. >He seemingly just realises where he is, and looks around
  261. >"Oh. Uhh. Hi, guys. What's new?"
  262. >Fluttershy rises above the crowd, her face a picture of the purest rage imaginable
  263. >"ANONYMOUS! WHY HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH HALF THE TOWN?!"
  264. >He blankly looks at her
  265. >"Uhh. I was drunk."
  266. >She screams like a banshee and flies at him
  267. >He shouts in panic and runs off the stage, dropping his milkshake and newspaper as he runs
  268. >The crowd, you, and your secretary watch him go
  269. >Silence reigns for a few moments
  270. >You turn your gaze back to the crowd
  271. >They're all looking at something on the stage
  272. >You follow their eyes and look down
  273. >Anon's milkshake is lying in a puddle of banana-flavoured goodness on the wooden stage
  274. >After a while, Rose says something very slowly.
  275. >"...His lips touched that straw."
  276. >The cat was out of the bag
  277. >Everyp0ny knew everyp0ny else's darkest secrets
  278. >There was nothing to hide anymore
  279. >This realisation hits you and your eyes widen in panic
  280. >Your head bolts up and you face the crowd once more
  281. REMAIN CALM EVERP-
  282. >"HIS LIPS TOUCHED THAT STRAW!"
  283. >You scream as every stallion and mare swarms the stage, desperate to get their hooves on the precious artefact
  284. >With your final breath you curse the one that caused all this before you get consumed by the sea of ponies fighting over the straw
  285. FUCKING ANON!
  286.  
  287. ---
  288. Part 2
  289. ---
  290.  
  291. >Day Trauma in Equestria
  292. >Wake up in your office again
  293. >You wince and gently put a hoof to your head
  294. >A bandage envelops your noggin
  295. >Frown and stagger over to the office door
  296. >Limp down the hallway to your secretary's office
  297. >Push open the door
  298. >She's sat behind her own desk filing her hoof
  299. >Does she even do any work around here...?
  300. >Clear your throat
  301. >She looks up and throws the hooffile over her shoulder
  302. >"Hello, Ma'am! How are you feeling?"
  303. Dizzy. Confused. The usual. What happened?
  304. >She smirks
  305. >"You got trampled by half of Ponyville after they jumped onto a straw that Anon was sipping from"
  306. ...Huh
  307. >You turn and go to walk out the door, still a bit dazed
  308. >"Wait! Ma'am!"
  309. >Slowly turn back around
  310. >"Are you sure you're ok? You look a bit beaten up"
  311. I was just trampled, Notework. Trampled. Yes I feel beaten up.
  312. >Notework's ears flatten and she looks sympathetically at you
  313. >"Would you like me to walk you home or...?"
  314. No.
  315. >Turn around
  316. >Turn back around
  317. Yes.
  318. >Notework escorts you out of the Town Hall and towards your house
  319. >She fusses over you
  320. >You just want to ask her one thing
  321. Why am I not in hospital?
  322. >She freezes
  323. >"O-oh. Uhh, well it was easier to patch you up in the Town Hall"
  324. And then leave me on the floor of my office, I see...
  325. >She solemnly looks at the ground as she walks alongside you
  326. >"I'm sorry... Ma'am..."
  327. >Pat her on the back and smile
  328. It's ok, Notework. I've been through worse.
  329. >On the first day of office you had a fight with a bear
  330. >It was the talk of the town for months afterwards
  331. >Tourism profits were boosted by 340%
  332. >It was advised that you fight bears more often, but you declined for obvious reasons
  333. >There weren't that many bears to beat up
  334. >You grin to yourself
  335. >Your younger years were filled with crazy nonsense like fighting bears
  336. >Father was an undercity cage fighter
  337. >Not a very well-known fact, that.
  338. >But he was a good stallion. He raised you well, fought to pay for your education. Supported you every step of the way through law school.
  339. >Sigh
  340. >You missed father at times...
  341. >"Ma'am? Everything alright?"
  342. What? Oh, yes. I'm fine. Just thinking of my younger years.
  343. >Notework laughs softly
  344. >"Younger years, Ma'am?"
  345. Yes... I used to wrestle bears you know!
  346. >"So I've heard, Ma'am. But I was just a filly back then. So I don't really remember."
  347. Psssh. Come now, you're not that young, are you?
  348. >"I'm afraid so, Ma'am. I'm 20."
  349. >Stare at her
  350. 20? Really?
  351. >"Yes, Ma'am"
  352. >Look ahead, the cogs in your head turning
  353. >Your own secretary was just a foal when you were running the town
  354. >Time flies...
  355. >A great sadness fills you as you near your house
  356. >Notework catches onto this
  357. >"Something wrong, Ma'am?"
  358. I...
  359. >Sigh and unlock your door, before stepping inside and turning to face her, still stood outside with a confused look on her face
  360. I feel old, Notework. I'm 47 this year.
  361. >She frowns at you
  362. >"That's not so old, Ma'am. You look good for your age."
  363. >Smile weakly
  364. Thank you, Notework. That means a lot.
  365. >Ponder for a second
  366. Take the rest of the day off. My treat.
  367. >She brightens up
  368. >"Really? Oh, thank you, Ma'am!"
  369. >She turns to leave
  370. Wait! Just uhh. Just one thing, Notework... If you don't mind.
  371. >She faces you again, her face glowing with happiness
  372. >"Anything, Ma'am."
  373. >Take a deep breath
  374. Have you ahh, done anything with Anonymous?
  375. >She gives you a sly grin
  376. >"I might have done, Ma'am. Why do you ask?"
  377. Oh n-no reason. You enjoy the rest of your day, Notework.
  378. >Slam the door shut a little bit too hard
  379. >Sink to the floor and stare at the hallway rug for a while, thinking.
  380. >When was the last time -you- ever had it off with a stallion?
  381. >Thinking, you can't remember.
  382. >Your daughter was 19 now, and your husband died from Whooping Clop a few months after she was born.
  383. >So that equates to...
  384. >19 years. It's been 19 years since you last got laid.
  385. >It can't have been that long. You've had stallions since then!
  386. >You think back on your life.
  387. >All those drunken work parties
  388. >All those inebriated bouts in your office
  389. >All that time spent-
  390. >You sigh
  391. Alone...
  392. >You drag your hooves upstairs and walk into the bathroom
  393. >A full body mirror is affixed to the wall
  394. >Blink and smush your face with a hoof
  395. >You're not that bad, are you?
  396. >To say that you've been Mayor of the most exciting town in Equestria for the last 15 years, you'd say that you looked pretty good.
  397. >Prod your face again
  398. >Your fur is smooth, and your skin is plushy. Only a couple of stress-related wrinkles can be seen around your eyes, and they're barely noticeable unless you peer closely
  399. >Frown
  400. >Your face scrunches up and more wrinkles appear
  401. >You immediately stop frowning
  402. >Look around, nervously, even though your house is only occupied by you.
  403. >...As it has been for 19 long years
  404. >Focus, Mayor. Don't let those thoughts drag you down. You've led this town through dragons and demi-gods. You can handle your own sex life.
  405. >You slowly turn and look at your own flanks
  406. >They're quite plump
  407. >Massage one with a hoof
  408. >Look around again
  409. >Look back at the mirror
  410. >Slap it
  411. >Watch as it jiggles a bit
  412. >Smirk
  413. >Yeah, you've still got a great ass after all these years
  414. >You stand before the mirror and look at yourself in the eyes
  415. >You're still hot. You've still got it!
  416. >And just because you've spent the last 19 years getting drunk and masturbating in your office doesn't mean you've lost the knack of picking up stallions!
  417. >You think about who you could focus on
  418. >You don't get out that much, considering all the strictly business work you do
  419. >Practically all of the stallions in town are taken as well, due to the hilariously unbalanced gender ratios in Equestria
  420. >Then who?
  421. >Tap your chin with a hoof, you see your face in the mirror scrunch up in thought
  422. >You can't go for Anonymous... He's slept with everyone.
  423. >Except Fluttershy
  424. >Giggle to yourself
  425. >...
  426. >You and Fluttershy are the only ponies in town he hasn't screwed yet.
  427. >By Luna he's even slept with all the stallions.
  428. >You're not as bad as Fluttershy, are you?
  429. >You think about the mare
  430. >She was a model, and is one of the most beautiful mares in town. So why hasn't Anon slept with her yet? Surely she's... Alluring?
  431. >Thinking back, you realise just how off-the-wall that pony really is
  432. >You've seen her set herself on fire, dress in latex, smear herself with olive oil, masturbate with a dildo the size of your foreleg in public, and even organise musical numbers
  433. >Yet Anon has never given in
  434. >You admire his tenacity
  435. >So if Fluttershy can do all that, and still not get him, what chance do you have?
  436. >You look at the floor, feeling miserable.
  437. >All you want is to get in the sack with an alien life form who's had more sexual partners than you've had months in office...
  438. >Is that really too much to ask?
  439. >...
  440. >No, you WILL get him.
  441. >You have the style, the resources, the wit, the strength of will-
  442. >You slap your flank again so hard you accidently moan
  443. >And you sure as hell have the body.
  444. >Raise a hoof to the ceiling and proclaim to the heavens
  445. I swear in Celestia's name, I WILL have sex with Anonymous!
  446. >"Good luck, Ms Mayor!"
  447. >You look to the side
  448. >Your window cleaner is grinning at you
  449. >How long as he been there.
  450. >Stare at him
  451. >He grins back toothily, then carries on whistling and smearing soapy water all over your window
  452. >Later that day, you head back to the office
  453. >You're going to need to plan this out carefully
  454. >Push open your office door and trot over to your trusty desk
  455. >Been here as long as you have, this one.
  456. >Pat it
  457. I'll get him, desk.
  458. >Look towards the framed picture of you and Anon on the wall
  459. I'll get him.
  460. >First of all, his address
  461. >Well you already know where he lives, having gone over there to berate him for damaging the town countless times. So no problems there.
  462. >Next, his habits
  463. >He usually spends all day running around causing trouble or trying to get some extra bits
  464. >If you carefully plant yourself in his path, then lay on the moves, you're sure to have him in the palm of your hoof!
  465. >Do ponies even have palms?
  466. >Doesn't matter. All that matters is Anonymous.
  467. >You giggle at the thought of seduction
  468. >It's been ever so long
  469. >But Anon can't last long against a mare of authority!
  470. >You spend the next 30 minutes plotting and scheming, giggling to yourself and drawing little doodles on tax forms
  471. >You haven't felt this excited in a while
  472. >A knock on the office door snaps you out of your frenzied planning session
  473. >You freeze and stuff all the drawings of you in lewd poses with Anon in the top drawer next to your Gin
  474. >Compose yourself
  475. >You're still the Mayor, dammit. You have to keep up appearances.
  476. Enter?
  477. >Anon pokes his head around the door
  478. >Oh.
  479. >This was rather unexpected
  480. >"Heey, Mayor. Heard about what happened with the riot. Sorry about that."
  481. >This is it. Time to be suave
  482. >You bat your eyelids at him and bite your lower bit, resting your head on a hoof while looking at him
  483. No problem at all... Anonymous...
  484. >He stares at you
  485. >You maintain the pose
  486. >He looks over his shoulder then back at you
  487. >"Are you ok?"
  488. Of course, just hanging around here, alone in my office... Shame there's no one here to 'assist' me.
  489. >Anon rubs the back of his head
  490. >"Well uhh. Alright then. What do you need help with?"
  491. >YES! HE FELL FOR IT!
  492. >You're on the homestretch, Mayor.
  493. >Grin at him and bat your eyelids again
  494. Ohh, you know... Just some ahh, 'paperwork'.
  495. >He shuffles nervously
  496. >"Sounds reasonable, I guess."
  497. >You're so close! This was so much easier than you thought!
  498. >Nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong now!
  499. >15 minutes later you and Anonymous are sat side by side filling out taxes and discussing the town's economy
  500. >"I'm just saying, this town could benefit from a better health care system. Ponies are having to pay far too much for simple injuries"
  501. I'll agree that the health care is flawed, but the doctors aren't going to pay themselves. They need that money to live
  502. >"But how much is needed? Doctors are getting paid huge sums of money, money that the people shouldn't have to pay. A health care system where the doctor's next pay-cheque is dependent on their patients getting injured is terrible"
  503. This town has had the same system in place for 9 years, and ponies have never complained to me!
  504. >"Maybe not, but I've seem good ponies shell out way too many bits for broken bones. A simple checkup costs 25 bits! Where's the sense in that? We're just a small town, Mayor. The ponies around here aren't exactly swimming in money."
  505. I'll look over the health care system tonight and get back to you. But I still think it’s fine, as it encourages ponies to be more careful in the workplace so that they don't have to worry about the medical bill!
  506. >"But that doesn't cover unforeseen accidents, Mayor. And they happen a lot. So what's an old pony going to do if he falls downstairs and breaks a hip? He can't be expected to pay for something that wasn't his fault!"
  507. Ahh, but that's where the pensioner fund comes in!
  508. >You both spend the next 2 hours talking and debating about economics
  509. >By the end of it, you agree to reform the health care plan and Anonymous leaves a happy human
  510. >Sigh happily
  511. >Another day, another problem addressed and solved.
  512. >Stare into space and think to yourself for a while in the silence of your office
  513. >Weren't you supposed to be doing something today?
  514. >...
  515. SON OF A B-
  516. >Day Legal in Equestria
  517. >Yesterday was a trial run. Anonymous is a tougher opponent than expected
  518. >But today you know what you're going to do.
  519. >You haven't run this town for 15 years to be beaten by an ape with a silver tongue!
  520. >March right up to his house
  521. >Bang on the front door
  522. >He opens it, dressed only in boxers and looking pissed off
  523. >"Fuck's sake, Fluttershy, what is it this ti- Oh, Ms Mayor. What can I do for you?"
  524. You... Uhh.
  525. >Crap. What was the plan?
  526. >THINKTHINKTHINK
  527. >TAXES
  528. >YES, PERFECT.
  529. Taxes!
  530. >"What about them."
  531. You uhh, missed your last payment on your house.
  532. >"But I no longer have a mortgage. I paid it all off 4 months ago."
  533. Oh.
  534. >He peers down at you and narrows his eyes
  535. >"Are you alright, Mayor? You seem... off."
  536. >Of course you're not alright.
  537. >You spent all last night in your office getting drunk and pleasuring yourself to the thought of Anon humping you and reciting the Health and Safety act of 1995.
  538. >You blush a little bit
  539. >"You look a bit red, actually. Want to come in?"
  540. Y-yes, please.
  541. >You walk past him and into his house
  542. >He shuts the door behind you and follows you
  543. >Walk into his living room and sit on his sofa
  544. >He leans on the doorway and frowns
  545. >"So what's up?"
  546. Uhhh. I just thought I would umm... Pay you a visit!
  547. >COME ON, MAYOR. YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS! YOU'RE IN HIS HOUSE! PUT ON THE MOVES!
  548. >You stretch out and sprawl yourself across his sofa
  549. I just... Wanted to 'talk'
  550. >Flash him a grin
  551. >He gives you a deadpan look
  552. >Rub a hoof along your inner flank
  553. >Bob your eyebrows at him, while giving him a half lidded stare
  554. >He cocks his head slightly
  555. >"You're sure you haven't taken anything? No drugs or whatever?"
  556. >How is he so oblivious to your advances?! What kind of intense mental training did this human undergo to become so adept at dismissing a mare of your physique?!
  557. Well... I'm certainly on a drug, Anonymous
  558. >"Called?"
  559. Anonymous.
  560. >He groans
  561. >"Oh my god that was just... Horrible. Has that line EVER worked?"
  562. W-well, why don't you step over here and find out?
  563. >[Writer's note: It's fucking painful envisioning this kind of spaghetti in my head]
  564. >"Just stop, Mayor. Please."
  565. >You close your legs and frown at him
  566. Why? What's wrong?
  567. >"What are you even trying to do?"
  568. I'm...
  569. >You sit up and look away from him
  570. I don't know, Anonymous.
  571. >You clear your throat and get up off the sofa
  572. >Straighten your neck scarf thing
  573. I'm sorry about this little misunderstanding, and hope that we can move past it.
  574. >You extend a hoof
  575. >Anon shakes it
  576. >"Thanks, I guess. You sure you don't want to stay for coffee?"
  577. No no, I'm quite alright.
  578. >You trot out the door and back to the office
  579. >Anon watches you go
  580. >He sighs, and takes note of how shapely your rear is as you go
  581. >"That pony..."
  582. >He looks to the left
  583. >Fluttershy is smiling at him
  584. >She holds up a cucumber and some Vaseline
  585. >Get back to the office and sit in your seat
  586. >Stare at your hooves
  587. >You're not very good at this whole seduction thing, you'll admit.
  588. >Why are you even bothering? Anonymous isn't just going to kick down the door and rut you on the desk...
  589. >You glance up at the door, a hopeful look on your face
  590. >Nothing happens, and you sigh.
  591. >Reach towards the top drawer and pull out the gin
  592. >Screw looking after the town, you have issues to deal with.
  593. >Before you place the bottle to your lips, your secretary pops her head around the door
  594. >"Ms Mayor? Are you ok?"
  595. >She sees you about to neck an entire bottle of gin
  596. >Slowly put it down and smile at her
  597. Yes, Notework. I'm fine.
  598. >"You don't look fine. You look kinda haggard. Did you get any sleep last night?"
  599. >The area between your legs twitches at the mention of last night
  600. Of course! I suppose it's just one of those days, you know?
  601. >Notework frowns at you
  602. >"Well, Ma'am, if you're sure..."
  603. >She leaves and you reach towards the gin again, gulping down a large amount and slamming the bottle back on the desk
  604. >Get off your chair and walk to the window
  605. >Look out at Ponyville, watching your citizens walk around, happy and sexually satisfied.
  606. >Oh how you envy them
  607. >You feel almost depressed at the recent revelations in your life
  608. >You'd never stopped to think about your sex life since you came into office. It was just booze, your hoof, and those tubes they use to store rolls of parchment in
  609. >Something catches your eye
  610. >Watch with longing as Anonymous sprints through down, Fluttershy chasing him with a cucumber and a tub of vaseline
  611. >He trips up and goes down
  612. >Watch as Fluttershy smears vaseline all over him and tries to cram the cucumber up his ass
  613. >May as well help the guy out
  614. >You exit the town hall and trot up to the two of them
  615. >Clear your throat
  616. >They both freeze, Fluttershy in the middle of greasing up Anon's bare chest after she tore off he shirt
  617. >"Y-yes?"
  618. Fluttershy. Please leave.
  619. >"No"
  620. I'll rephrase that, leave now, or I'll call the police. As I should have done many times before.
  621. >She squeals and flies off
  622. >You look down at Anonymous, who is naked and covered in slime
  623. >Smile
  624. Want to come with me and clean up?
  625. >"Y-yeah, okay..."
  626. >You help him up and he follows you into the town hall
  627. >You show him the bathroom and he cleans himself up using copious amounts of paper towel
  628. >After a while, you're sat in your office, playing with the bottle of gin and staring at the pictures on the wall
  629. >A knock on the door brings you back to the real world
  630. Come in.
  631. >Anonymous walks in
  632. >"Thanks for the help back there, Mayor. I really appreciate it."
  633. No problem.
  634. >You look back at the pictures. Your gung-ho attitude gone.
  635. >What's the point?
  636. >"So uhh, wanna bang?"
  637. >Nod slowly
  638. Wait. What?
  639. >Anon is smiling at you
  640. >"Wanna bang? It's the least I could do."
  641. >You gape at him
  642. Seriously?
  643. >"Well yeah, I mean you helped me ou-"
  644. No no no, I was putting on the moves! I did everything right! My body is hot!
  645. >You stand up and slap your ass, looking at him desperately
  646. >He looks back, a bemused expression his face
  647. >"Well no, not really. I don't think "The moves" would even work in a porn flick"
  648. >He chuckles
  649. >"All you needed to do was ask. Everyone else did."
  650. >He motions to the bottle of gin on the desk
  651. >"That helps as well"
  652. >You're just staring at him
  653. But... But Fluttershy! Why haven't you done Fluttershy?!
  654. >He looks back, a cheery look on his face
  655. >"She doesn't wash, Mayor. But I notice that you d-"
  656. >You tackle that human so hard you think you might have broken his rib
  657. >Lock the door
  658. >Pull the curtains shut
  659. >And don't leave the office for the rest of the day
  660. >Several times he tries to escape, but you just drag him back inside the office
  661.  
  662. >7 hours later
  663. >Anon is led on the floor, staring at the ceiling, a distant look in his eyes
  664. >You sit on his belly and drink from your bottle of gin, wiping your mouth with a hoof
  665. >Look down at the "Sexual Dynamo" who slept with all of Ponyville
  666. >Shrug
  667. >He was ok.
  668. >You'd give him a 7/10 for stamina and managing to keep it up with you.
  669. >Smile and take a swig of gin
  670. >Anon groans again
  671. >"My dick hurts..."
  672. >Chuckle
  673. You still got it, Mayor.
  674.  
  675. The End

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