Honest Hearts


                                            >It was all Twilight's fault.

                                            >All of it.

                                            >"What do you expect me to do?!"

                                            >The purple unicorn is already in her battle-ready mode: barrel bent, tail at her body, horn aimed at you. All while standing on her wooden reading table (with books still on it!) she got on to while escaping your very friendly fist-first hugs.

                                            >She's more like a cat than a pony this way. A very big, adorable cat who has committed crimes against nature.

                                            "Huh?! Twilight, you made that spell! Turn it off!"

                                            >"I already told you, Anon, I don't know the counterspell, are you aware just how hard it was just to get the spell right?!"

                                            "No, I'm not, I just want the damn thing to stop making me sleepwalk...sleepwrite, whatever you call that!"

                                            >The purple magic genius, Celestia's own pupil, looks like she is about to breathe fire at you because her eyes are definitely sending invisible death rays your way.

                                            >"Well if you're too dumb to even consider that a spell has to be negated with-"

                                            "Twilight, I don't give one rat's ass about this, you know I'm done for if this gets out! Fix it already!"

                                            >"-with an equal counterspell!" the prodigy finishes despite your complaints. "Then you deserve this! You dumb ape!"

                                            >She's so cute when she's trying to find insults for you. You wish you could listen to her berate you forever after she flips through a tome of biology and a thesaurus.

                                            >You bet she already has just to make insults feel appropriate and accurate.

                                            >Your arguments usually don't get this heated but lately you've been feeling a bit...on edge about your situation.

                                            "Oh, I'll show you just how dumb I am."

                                            >She sees you readying your body for a leap and scoffs at you with a big grin on her adorable purple face:

                                            >"By trying to tackle a unicorn who can teleport? Ha! Bring it!"

                                            >Your stare is met with the absolute confidence of this incredible magician and your eyes are now locked.

                                            >What isn't locked is the door to Twilight's tree library because you hear a meek voice coming from the entrance, not directed at either of you:

                                            >"I think now is not the right time..."

                                            >You both drop your attack plans immediately.

                                            >Naturally, you can't afford to be seen assaulting the sun goddess' prized pupil and she in turn can't be seen attacking Ponyville's most friendly alien (number of ponies not scared shitless when talking to you this week: five, not counting Spike).

                                            >Some say you and Twilight are friends because she's just as weird as you, a Canterlot type as they call her, but what do they know. You two are nothing alike and you'll never be her friend again after what happened.

                                            >But now someone is there intruding on your holy sparring ground, infringing on your furious but secretive combat.

                                            >This has to be dealt with and Twilight, a good friend, is on it.

                                            >"Fluttershy?" she recognizes the voice at the door and leaps back down on the floor. "Not at all, come on in!"

                                            >"Oh, we're terribly sorry for interrupting."

                                            >The meek pegasus also invites another pony in - the magnificent Rarity the Unicorn. She immediately averts her eyes once she notices you staring at her.

                                            >Well, you weren't really. Not on purpose at the very least. And so the white mare keeps Fluttershy between you and her when she enters Twilight's knowledge sanctuary.

                                            >"It's no problem," the bookkeeper states again, nodding to reassure the pair. "What can I help you with?"

                                            >Rarity explains elegantly just to have an excuse to look at Twilight and not throw displeased glances at you:

                                            >"Well, you see, darling, me and Fluttershy here got in a bit of a...discussion about dresses, in particular about thread quality, but I won't bore you with details."

                                            >Fluttershy takes it from there:

                                            >"But turns out neither of us knows the correct, established standards of quality!"

                                            >Rarity squints in annoyance a bit hearing such a statement and you guess you know she has her own idea about who knows what. But the pegasus continues without noticing anything:

                                            >"So we'd like to ask if you perhaps have a book somewhere about that matter? I-if you're not busy with anything right now."

                                            >That glare you barely noticed was definitely directed your way. Just for a moment.

                                            >"Oh, sure thing!" Twilight is fast on her hooves. "Wait just a second, I'm pretty sure... Hm, maybe here..."

                                            >She's so absorbed in finding the right book she just knows should be right on that shelf until it's not, she forgets to use her magic and just flips the tomes with her nose.

                                            >Now that's remarkably cute.

                                            >You're so fascinated by Twilight's little figure jumping from shelf to shelf mumbling something to herself you don't even notice Rarity's stare.

                                            >It burns you from behind Fluttershy who becomes paralyzed the moment you turn your head in her direction.

                                            >She looks straight in front of her and pretends you don't exist. You just feel that the second you'll make any sort of movement or sound she's going to fall over and play dead.

                                            >Twilight told you she's really good with animals despite being really shy with ponies. Looks like you count as a pony to her rather than an animal, despite it being Twilight's number one insult used on you.

                                            >Come to think of it, aren't ponies also animals? Guess it all depends on the-

                                            >You look away when Fluttershy starts trembling like an autumn leaf on the cold wind.

                                            >Better not scare her any more, you already have a hard time fitting in as it stands right now. No need to worsen your impression on the little ponies.

                                            >Thankfully, Twilight soon finishes her search - once she remembers to use magic again the mystery of the fashion book is solved immediately.

                                            >"Thank you so very much, Twilight," Fluttershy smiles when the book floats to her in a magic hold.

                                            >Rarity is the one to take it, although she doesn't seem to be certain this book will be necessary at all. She uses the opportunity to use Twilight's attention on her to ask with a barely concealed concern:

                                            >"Terribly sorry to intrude just like that for one book, darling. Hope we really weren't interrupting...anything."

                                            >"Oh, it's nothing, really, I was just having a chat with Anon, that's all. You know I'm always happy to help friends in need."

                                            >Twilight doesn't pick up on Rarity's insinuations at all so she has to elaborate a bit:

                                            >"Very well, just...don't forget we're always there for you too if you need somepony to lend an ear."

                                            >"Sure," still oblivious, the lavender unicorn smiles. "I'll keep it in mind."

                                            >"Have a great evening, Twilight," Fluttershy returns the smile if only for a moment.

                                            >It leaves her muzzle as soon as her gaze shifts to you.

                                            >But then her pink mane falls on her eye and you hear something directed at you from that cover at a volume so low you thought it's the wind at first.

                                            >"And you too...anomphmfms..."

                                            >The last part was mumbled on the quietest whisper level she could manage.

                                            >Fluttershy turns around and immediately starts trotting - or more like skittering - towards the still open door. Her fashionista friend follows close.

                                            >No words for you from her. She avoids even looking in your direction.

                                            >Twilight happily walks after them to the door and waves her hoof to be the last to say goodbye.

                                            >This library doesn't see a lot of visitors so it must make her happy to see ponies, and her dear friends at that, pay a visit.

                                            >She moved here not that long ago but her reputation in Ponyville is already secured, although mostly as an organizer and self-proclaimed problem-solver, not a librarian, or so you imagine.

                                            >The door is now closed and the pony turns her head to the side to give you a glare signifying nothing less than her readiness to continue your confrontation.

                                            >"Now..." she hisses menacingly. "You..."

                                            >The stance you're taking to deflect beams of energy that you feel are about to fly your way is broken by Twilight tugging at your shirt, and in a very rough way at that.

                                            >You have no choice but to move towards her as your collar becomes a magical leash.

                                            >At your destination the only thing preventing you from crashing into the closed doors are your arms that are ready to resist Twilight's pull until the last bit of strength.

                                            >"Nopony is going to interrupt us now."

                                            >Oh, you know the look on her face when she fully turns towards you.

                                            "Twilight, wait, what if-"

                                            >That grin, that gleam in her big magical eyes you feel lost in every time she gets you close like that.

                                            >You hate it so much.

                                            >Under Twilight's expecting gaze you don't need much persuasion. This isn't the first time this has happened so you know what she needs from you.

                                            >As soon as you lower yourself before her and your knees touch the wooden floor, hooves greedily push into your legs, finally letting Twilight get close to you.

                                            >Before your hands even touch her head and back her lips are already on yours.

                                            >Just as usual she doesn't mess around. She knows what she wants and once your mouth opens to allow her in, it is filled with such pleasant warmth you get dizzy for a moment.

                                            >The friction of her tongue polishing yours is met with slight resistance from you and for a while she allows you to push against her rapacious passion.

                                            >But when the mare feels your fingers dig into her coat, greedily kneading her back on one hand and gently caressing her cheek and neck on the other, the kiss battle turns around.

                                            >Now it's you who sucks all the air out of her mouth and gets to freely experience the tender texture of Twilight's surrendered tongue, to her utmost delight.

                                            >The mare's forelegs almost bend as she moans and pushes the air out of her nostrils in a hilariously arousing horsey manner.

                                            >The battle of words is over and you both surrender. She never needed a victory on that field, it was all just a prelude to this.

                                            >Indeed, this pony harbors a terrible, terrible secret.

                                            >"Anon..." she moans when you finally disengage and proceed to kiss her neck all over.

                                            >You know what she wants now.

                                            "Come here."

                                            >In a now well trained motion your hand that was responsible for massaging your magical mare's back slides right onto her rump and Twilight allows you to scoop her up.

                                            >You know just where to take her. Even though her bed upstairs is too small and not sturdy enough for you two to be loud on it, this has never once stopped you.

                                            >Feeling mischievous, Twilight wriggles in your embrace while you're carrying her. She finds the right position soon enough and, naturally, it's the one where your thumb rubs right against her already swollen petals between her hind legs.

                                            "You are such a pervert."

                                            >Her giggles change their tone once she feels your finger slide right where she wanted it. Running it along her wet slit you can feel the sturdy but gentle bud of her clit quiver a few times reacting to your touch.

                                            >"Look who's talking," she exhales with a bright blush on her cheeks.

                                            >Those cheeks need to be cooled down so you kiss both of them to Twilight's joy.

                                            >Your floral-white shirt is carefully unbuttoned (no need to destroy Rarity's handywork) and your bistre pants are sliding down before you even put your lover on the sheets of her bed.

                                            >It is simply more convenient for you to stay on the floor and your height is just perfect for the unicorn that way.

                                            >But while you're scratching your knees against the wood she gets to lie in comfort, head turned all the way up and legs spread as far apart as she can manage.

                                            >Her belly is fully exposed and it's impossible to resist caressing it all over, starting from her modest teats to her heaving chest.

                                            >"Come on!.."

                                            >She doesn't use magic anymore, she knows you'll obey. You're as ready as ever, always seduced by this depraved mare, never being able to resist her charm and her flattering need.

                                            >Need for you, Anonymous the pervert that only she knows.

                                            >How humiliating, yet pure in its honesty. You can't help but to find it arousing.

                                            >And so you drown in the warmth of her spread legs as you line yourself up with the mare's impatient sex.

                                            >Her back bends and tenses up when she feels you entering her, slowly but without relent until you are in entirely.

                                            >She loves this part the most. The defilement of a young Canterlot mare by pleasures unknowable to any other pony in the world.

                                            >Only you've been rutting her almost every single day ever since your terrible secret was accepted by her, so this is nothing new to this sinful mare. But every time she feels your steady pumps and your fingers playing with her teats it's like the first time to her, sensations never dulling or becoming too familiar.

                                            >And so you slide in and almost fully out, knowing full well it's gonna be impossible to last long with this wonder of a pony. Her enthusiasm well compensates for lack of experience and control.

                                            >She's so dependent on you it makes you feel wanted, like you're some kind of master of pleasuring ponies who knows all the secrets of her body.

                                            >No matter how amateurish and simple things are between you two even in bed, this involuntary compliment by her needy motions is something that completely overshadows everything else.

                                            >Even now Twilight is moaning rather loudly, head turning from side to side exposing beads of sweat forming on her forehead.

                                            >You're doing all the work but she's the one getting worked up? Unforgivable.

                                            >The punishment for that is increase in both your tempo and your grip on her legs. The velvet of her incredibly tight pussy is going to finish you off soon, and if not that, it's gonna be the welcoming warmth of her thighs readily enveloping you every time you hilt in her, or the familiar scent of Twilight's shameless fervor filling the room.

                                            >The mare is getting really close too and her familiar desire to get held by you is relayed through her forelegs touching your hands.

                                            >They're holding her hind legs right to your belly and the feeling of her hooves curling and pushing into your skin every time you try to go deeper is gratifying, but she needs more right now.

                                            >She is picked up again, pressed wholly against your body but you never stop hammering yourself against her soaked marelips.

                                            >This is the position that she demands when she wants to be taken over the edge and it happens almost immediately. With considerable effort you keep yourself inside Twilight when you feel the sudden burst of her orgasm pushing you out.

                                            >It's even harder to keep yourself from joining her in this ecstasy right away because as her little body quivers against yours she lets out moans that make it sound like she's surprised by how intense the feeling is.

                                            >"Ahhhn, Anon..."

                                            >Her nose is pushed against your neck and the tickling of her sweetened labored breaths just adds to the warmth your body feels with her so close to you.

                                            >When her shaking finally subsides she traces her hoof down your arm and both your hands cup her soft butt.

                                            >In Twilight's embrace, as far as she can reach anyway, you start moving again, slowly getting deeper in her once again.

                                            >"Now you," your mare whispers as she licks sweat off your shoulders.

                                            >Wider, slower motions always do it for you and Twilight recognizes this immediately, kiss after kiss landing all over your neck and collarbones.

                                            >Twilight helps you with sensual moans and soon you know you're at the finish line; it's impossible to hide it from her who knows you like her favorite book by now, so your mare does everything to make it happen faster.

                                            "Twilight..."

                                            >The last line is crossed with that and her hoof on your cheek makes you look into her eyes right when the shockwave of your concentrated explosion makes your whole body tremble.

                                            >You can't suppress your heavy huffing as Twilight's lustful pussy accepts every drop of your seed emptied in her one thrust after another. No, you don't even want to hide it.

                                            >You like her to know how good she makes you feel. And her gorgeous eyes, now glazed with satisfaction of making you feel this way, never leave yours even when you have to shut them to handle the immense pleasure.

                                            >With everything finally spent your head lowers over your lover's and her lips immediately greet yours in a fuzzy, gentle kiss.

                                            >Her hooves are both on your cheeks and she directs this new barrage of kisses as she desires. Your own hands slide on her back once again and you lover her body on your lap.

                                            >"Oh dear," she whispers between kisses. "You take me by surprise every time."

                                            >Such a nonchalant remark makes you grin and Twilight showers that expression with kisses right away.

                                            "Why are you like this, Twilight?" you chuckle.

                                            >"Like what?" she shoots back and you both laugh lightly.

                                            >No, she knows what you mean. With the clarity also returns the realization that this isn't exactly passion born of pure and warm feelings.

                                            >She'd know if you had those feelings for her anyway. The diary in which you are bound to be absolutely honest because of Twilight's dumb spell never lies.

                                            >Everything that happened the day before is on paper by the morning with not a single lie in there. Only naked, ugly truth.

                                            >It all started so innocently. As you put your beautiful lover pony back on her bed you wonder how it all came to you two having this affair.

                                            >Twilight prefers to keep you close after she gets what she wants from you. So you already know you're getting on that tiny bed with her one way or another.

                                            >An embrace most warm awaits you there.

                                            >It's so complicated. One would never suspect a thing just looking at you two right now but everything, everything outside of these moments of immense passion is filled with nothing resembling love.

                                            >It was shame at first, before Twilight seduced you. It's bickering now.

                                            >Bringing the fantasies written on paper to reality was probably just a game for her. It's easy to play with a heart that can't hide its nature.

                                            "Twilight, listen."

                                            >You call to her to once again bring it up. Now in a more gentle manner.

                                            >"What is it?"

                                            >Her smile is so calming you almost don't want to say it, almost.

                                            "I really think I'm through with this. Please, find the counterspell, or develop it, or whatever."

                                            >You know she's stalling on purpose. Every time you ask she has an excuse not to do it. Once the spell is undone she'll never peer into the fascinatingly wicked depths of your soul again. With that gone she will never have an edge over you in terms of feelings ever again.

                                            >And she will never have a reason to tease you again while keeping her own feelings safe.

                                            "You're such a smart pony, Twilight. You know this isn't making anything better in the long run."

                                            >Her wry smile tells you she's onto you. No buttering up this librarian.

                                            >"Anon..." she whispers and brings your head close to hers. "Anon, hey."

                                            "What?"

                                            >The honey of her voice fills your ears with bliss:

                                            >"We both know you want this to last."

                                            "That's not the problem here."

                                            >A light sigh escapes into your ear as the mare dismissively shakes her head.

                                            "You know these meetings don't have to change once the spell is gone, right? You won't miss out on anything just because I'm not miserable anymore."

                                            >"Anon!"

                                            >She might protest against you wording it like that but it's true, you know it.

                                            "Or are you just this addicted to reading my thoughts about you?"

                                            >You can physically feel how Twilight's muzzle scrunches and her cheeks go red.

                                            >"It's not like that!"

                                            "Hm? I can always tell you all about it in person if that's what you're after."

                                            >"Shut up. It's not about that."

                                            "So, what is it about?"

                                            >Using the silence left without Twilight's reply you suddenly grab another very important question out of the air:

                                            "Wait, so you admit you won't dispel this on purpose? Are you serious?!"

                                            >"No!" she suddenly feels cornered. "I really don't have a counterspell ready, I promise."

                                            "Then what's the holdup?"

                                            >"I already told you, smoothbrain," she holds you closer. "I just need more time and research."

                                            "You're just a control freak, that's all there is to it."

                                            >"Look who's talking," she deflects it without batting an eye, her hoof caressing your cheek. "You're the most despicable, revolting, selfish degenerate egomaniac I've ever seen."

                                            >Your fingers crawl up Twilight's chest and she relaxes, allowing you to scratch her. She really likes it when you do that.

                                            >"Mmm... A bit lower..."

                                            >Of course. How can she ever abandon these rituals that have already become the norm for you two over the last week, she just has to keep you next to her like this.

                                            >It's such an easy thing but it's so hard to explain.

                                            >You don't think Twilight herself understands why you've ended up like this. But now she has no choice but to continue.

                                            >The secrecy of her sins was assured by her holding all the cards. Yet she is now your hostage as much as you are hers.

                                            >One could imagine it's the very thing that could appeal to her. But you know better. She's not like this, she's a sweet innocent mare who simply got carried away and was misguided by your dirty influence.

                                            >You want to believe that. Although, naturally, the diary will reveal your honest feelings about this tomorrow morning.

                                            >It always does. And Twilight always reads it.

                                            >"Spike is gonna come back soon."

                                            >Twilight is always concerned with being found out, though it's easy for you to observe the hesitation of your lover to let this little moment of bliss end.

                                            "Alright then."

                                            >It's unfortunate but you have to break her hold first. Unsatisfied glance follows you out of the tiny bed, a toy being taken away from a lonely filly.

                                            >Twilight sighs but there's nothing to be done about it. While you put your clothes back where they belong she returns the bed to its carefully covered state and opens the window to get some fresh air in.

                                            >This library will be permanently stained by the potent mare smell in about a month if you go on like this.

                                            >It's a miracle nobody has ever walked in on you by now. If Spike every came back before his estimated time he knew better than to make his presence known.

                                            >Some pony will sooner or later hear the moans Twilight doesn't even pretend to hide. Well, then it's her fault you got caught.

                                            >You're just a poor innocent human seduced by the perverted librarian because you don't know any better...

                                            >Only, of course, the diary will come up the moment your gig is up.

                                            >It's no secret to Twilight that you want to dispose of it as soon as possible. That's why she always demands you to bring her the fresh pages first thing in the morning before you go to work.

                                            "Please, Twilight..." you reiterate once again when your clothes are back in order. "We're walking on very thin ice here."

                                            >"You mean you're walking on it."

                                            >The pony is staring out the window trying to figure out if anyone is approaching the library.

                                            "What is that supposed to mean? You're gonna throw me under the bus just like that?"

                                            >She can't. There's enough evidence incriminating her there. But you want to hear it from her.

                                            "Twilight?"

                                            >"No, it won't come to that."

                                            "And if it does?"

                                            >Silence. Is that really the best she can do?

                                            "Typical. Only looking after your own coat. Why do I even bother?"

                                            >You've had enough of this library and this insufferable smartass out to ruin your life.

                                            >Walking down the stairs you continue your complaining yet hear no reply from the tormentor of your heart.

                                            "How hard would it be to just let me live in peace? Just pretend it's all a misunderstanding, throw away the garbage I write as soon as I write it and dispel this nasty mind control bullshit?"

                                            >Not a word from Twilight.

                                            >Just like every other day you leave the tree house feeling only frustration and helplessness. Twilight isn't there to see you out.


                                            "All the leaves are brown..."

                                            >It's early spring yet this song just won't leave you alone.

                                            >The winter was wrapped up nicely with Twilight's help but you're still wearing your warm beige colored scarf and a maroon beret, produced by Rarity sensing a nature theme with you, you suppose.

                                            >The weekend was upon you so suddenly you weren't morally prepared for the undertaking of finishing your painting. Yet there's simply nothing better to do.

                                            >No need to lie to yourself - nobody wants to see you bumming around Ponyville on your day-offs.

                                            >Despite your complete lack or artistic talent you've discovered that painting is an excellent way to waste time.

                                            >Why, you can sit on this hill overlooking Canterlot the whole day and still accomplish virtually nothing.

                                            >But even with your apparent lack of skill, the landscape painting is coming together a bit faster than you'd prefer.

                                            "And Cloudsdale is gray..."

                                            >Twilight will be here soon. She knows you don't like the cold attic you're living in, even though the pony who was so generous as to house the strange alien isn't hostile to you.

                                            >Days spent on your "job" of helping Mayor Mare with paperwork pays enough to not starve and purchase some art supplies for the times when you're not on the job. That's enough for you.

                                            "Hm-hm-hm-mm... On a winter day..."

                                            >Gonna be some time before it's summer. You've arrived here during the winter and are yet to discover the real warmth of pony sun.

                                            >On that fateful day you probably would've been left freezing to death on Ponyville's outskirts right where hesitating townsponies found you, if not for Twilight's interference. Now you hate the cold. And forests.

                                            >The unicorn mare doesn't make you wait for too long today. On your day-offs she's the one who visits you so you are ready.

                                            >Two pages filled with uncharacteristically neat handwriting are already waiting for her in your pocket.

                                            >As usual, little recollection of writing them. Such is your spell-induced diary.

                                            "Canterlotian dreamin'..."

                                            >You smirk at your silly interpretation. Maybe you should ask Twilight for a spell to get this song out of your head.

                                            >Knowing this mare's proficiency with this kind of magic you can only imagine how horribly wrong such a spell would go.

                                            "You know the princess likes the cold..."

                                            >"Somepony's in a good mood."

                                            >She's close enough already and it means your weekend's relaxing timewaster of a hobby is going to have to wait. The unmistakable sarcasm in this voice marks the start of your torture.

                                            "I was until you showed up."

                                            >"Oh, feeling feisty today? Let's see what you have for me."

                                            >You suppose it's as good a time for a break as any. Your folding chair kept around for when you're tired of standing at the canvas is occupied by Twilight with no further delay when you give her the paper, so you remain standing as she reads through it.

                                            >The memories of writing these passages are often hazy so double-checking the text is always your priority first thing in the morning.

                                            >This is a side effect of the spell, you suppose. You can't be fully lucid to put down everything that's on your mind if your mind is preoccupied with something else.

                                            >And as always you try to guess what part of the essay the studious unicorn is reading at the moment by the expression on her muzzle.

                                            >First come your usual work day musings about how hot Mayor Mare is and notes on which ponies weren't hostile towards you.

                                            >The one that makes Twilight frown is probably your note about yesterday's interruption:

                                            'Fluttershy looks like she's curious about me but is still afraid. I wouldn't mind being friends with her but her passive-aggressive attitude yesterday pissed me off.'

                                            >This is where the unicorn shakes her head a little.

                                            >Twilight knows her friends aren't like that. She's not oblivious to their shortcomings, it's just you who can't discard the prism of your world's judgement when looking at ponies.

                                            'And I can't believe she was giving Rarity shit over threads or whatever. Rarity clearly knows better, no need to drag her all the way to the library just because you had an argument you can't admit you're losing. Rarity is still hostile to me but this made me want to protect her even more than before.'

                                            >That's the one that makes Twilight let out a small confused "hm?" but she refuses to look at you for answers. The next one is probably about her:

                                            'Twilight was so hot as usual. I can't be mad at her, she's just too adorable. Maybe she'll hurry with this counterspell if I start burning pages for real. Watching her reactions is always fun. We're having heated banter a lot more than usual lately but I really don't miss the early days under this spell. Today is my weekend so I'll be away from home, maybe I should fuck her right on that hill, nobody will notice.'

                                            >Twilight doesn't even react to statements like that anymore, this is pretty tame compared to the usual.

                                            >But you do notice a bit of a blush on her cheeks.

                                            >That's right, she's thinking about this right now. She's considering and imagining it. To distract herself she reads further:

                                            'I wonder if I'll end up knocking her up. She'll have to marry me. I'm sure she's just hiding her real feelings from me anyway so it's gonna happen eventually.'

                                            >No, this isn't helping her in any way.

                                            >Maybe something below that?

                                            'I hope this nightmare will end soon. Twilight always tries to make me feel comfortable but it's still humiliating to let her see all this. I said she was selfish and controlling but I know she's doing her best. Once again I noticed that I want to hurt Twilight with words and push her away just to rebel against all her expectations. But I can't bring myself to do it, I can't even say no to her advances. I only feel safe when I'm with her. It's not her fault. But I still feel that despite our close relationship there's a wall between our hearts.'

                                            >Twilight doesn't react but you know these kind of thoughts, frequent in your diary, are getting to her. You hope they are. It's the only way she'll see reason and end this torture.

                                            >These kind thoughts were the very thing that moved her before, made her consider your indecent thoughts about wanting her to be yours as a promise, not a threat. They can move her once again, you're positive.

                                            'That song is still in my head, I can't seem to get rid of it. It's driving me crazy.'

                                            >And that's about it.

                                            >You refuse to meet her gaze and instead turn to look at Canterlot until your mental custodian finishes your report.

                                            >"Just as horrible as ever," she concluded with a sigh.

                                            "Yeah, yeah. Hey, you promised to work on the counterspell this weekend."

                                            >"I know, I'm going to."

                                            >Silence that befalls you isn't unusual. You have no comments for her, she can refer to the diary, it's all true. At first you were shy about it, even tried finding excuses for you heart's perversions but you can't see a reason to care anymore.

                                            >Twilight knows that in judging you she admits that she herself would never allow you to see her true heart.

                                            >There's nothing to excuse. You stand by every word there and if she has a problem with it she should stop reading it. But she won't. She had to accept it, accept you.

                                            >And that has allowed her to fall from grace for multiple reasons. Now you are partners in crime. Your lives seem to be connected in this strange way.

                                            >An understanding only she has despite not wanting it - an understanding she couldn't resist. For that sin she is bound to the very person she finds so horrible, so dangerous.

                                            "If this is all I'd like you to get to it as quickly as possible."

                                            >Your cold tone doesn't leave her unvexed.

                                            >"You could at least visit me in the evening."

                                            "I'll think about it," you say after a short pause spent on stretching.

                                            >"Hey, so...you still wanna do it right here?"

                                            >You really can't believe the gall of this pony. Of course there's no reason to dance around it if she knows for certain you want her. Maybe that's where all the confidence of this normally reserved pony comes from.

                                            "No, ponies are gonna see it.'

                                            >"But-"

                                            "Any pegasus will be able to spot us a mile away."

                                            >"I suppose you're right," the mare shrugs, her fantasies shut down so quickly. "You know, you're pretty unfriendly today."

                                            "We're not friends."

                                            >"Pfft," you hear her wave her hoof dismissively from your folding chair. "Of course we are, you overgrown monkey, princess Celestia said so."

                                            >Oh, right, how could you forget. The only time you've met Twilight's mentor was when she was compelled to officially greet you in Equestria and entrust you to Twilight. That's when she said "try to be the best friend you can be for him" and ever since then Twilight's been obsessed with doing exactly that.

                                            >One would think that a spell like she has applied to your brain was done in malice, but that couldn't be farther from the truth.

                                            >You were the one asking for it. You remember it like it was yesterday, trying to ask Twilight about ways you could improve your reputation with local ponies who treat you like some scary monster.

                                            >Back then Twilight, your only ally, suggested you try to approach each pony's case like a pony would. You wondered how you could accomplish that and a diary was suggested.

                                            >If you were to write everything that happened throughout the day to let Twilight see exactly what the problem is, she could help you fix it. She is a learning student in matters of friendship too, after all.

                                            >Things never worked out, you couldn't describe everything truthfully, it was embarrassing to write about how a pony glares at you or doesn't want to take papers from your hands, it made them all look bad under your quill. You then asked for magical help, naïve in your assumption it won't have consequences.

                                            >So then Twilight has devised a plan. A simple spell to ease you into writing truthful things about ponies in your diary. No, she wouldn't get mad if you painted them in a bad light, she said. They have been unfair to you after all.

                                            >The spell turned out to be not so simple at all.

                                            >Now it all doesn't matter.

                                            "I can't be friends with someone who doesn't trust me."

                                            >You can be her lover, you can be her subject of experiments, you can be anything. But that's not enough, is it? She wants friendship too.

                                            >It's important to let her know she can't have it under these circumstances.

                                            >She knows all too well you're attracted to her. But she'd be making a mistake if she assumed it's a replacement for an actual relationship.

                                            >And it is good that she doesn't. She can't write her letter to Celestia about a solved friendship problem - and you still are a massive one for her - just yet.

                                            >Does it hurt her to know you don't accept her as a friend? You'll never know.

                                            >"Fine, be that way. But I'd still like you to visit later."

                                            "I bet you do."

                                            >Twilight takes the papers with her when she decides it's time for her to go. Even watching you return to painting isn't that much more interesting than partaking in Ponyville's weekend life.

                                            >Something you for one can't afford to do.

                                            >You have no quarrel with her taking your diary pages away. It's better for her to keep them safe. Nobody will ever find them on her shelves among hundreds of other books. Your attic is a much less secure place.

                                            >She likes to tease you about it but she'd never allow anyone to see these confessions. At least that reminds you that she is still somewhat on your side.

                                            >One thing you can't fault her for is being careful. Even when the problem had initially arisen her first thoughts (after figuratively vomiting at your exposed self-reflection) were about making sure no one ever sees this except her.

                                            >Maybe if you had checked your initial writings back then you could've prevented this. But even if the spell made you feel foggy while writing you were sure it was nothing special. Twilight came by to read your first ever entry in your new diary:

                                            'Pinkie Pie pretends she's friendly, but I know she hates my guts. She constantly sounds annoyed with me and she made me count the bits I gave her three times over like I'm some kind of dumb animal, she's really asking for a smack across her smug mug. She seems like the kind of person who'd like that anyway.'

                                            'Applejack is so hot when she's all sweaty, I really wanna ravage her on some hay in a barn. I should find a way to work on her farm just to get close.'

                                            'Came so hard sniffing the shirt Rarity gave me today I accidentally stained it. Maybe if I don't clean it Rarity will also notice, I wanna see her reaction. Just imagining cumming on her face makes me hard again.'

                                            'Berry Punch refuses to give me alcohol, I know she has some. One of these days I'll get her drunk and fuck her senseless.'

                                            >Twilight almost fainted reading all this and you weren't even aware what it is she's seeing there. As far as you were concerned she's just reading how other ponies mistreat you. But most of what got to her was about herself:

                                            'Twilight is literally an angel, I'm so happy she's helping me. With this spell and her assistance maybe I can finally get close to her and other ponies. She's too good to me even though I can't repay her in any way and her cuteness is just on another level. She's definitely my type. She won't understand if I were to tell her but I want to be with her.'

                                            >Everything in that diary was of that nature. Everything.

                                            >She thought you were a danger to everyone, especially her. As she later confessed, she thought about telling Celestia and arresting you.

                                            >But she never did. Something stopped her. But it got much, much worse.

                                            >Once you learned exactly what the contents of your diary were, you almost cried. Everything was ruined. Twilight had no other choice but to calm you down.

                                            >"It's over," she said then. "We'll forget that this ever happened and move on, alright?"

                                            >It wasn't over. The spell woke you up the next morning too, and the morning after. Even when you started restraining yourself with ropes you woke up with them undone by some force and thrown aside, and pages filled with filth you don't even remember spewing.

                                            >It was out of the question for you to keep this secret from Twilight. So the plan was for her to continue controlling the situation, to her considerable dissatisfaction.

                                            >After a few more sessions of watching Twilight, one you were still considering your dearest friend, puke her breakfast out in her mouth a bit upon reading about what kind of person really you are, eventually the spiral started accelerating.

                                            >Twilight thought she was in control until she figured some inconsistencies in your diary. You were careless enough to not hide one tiny mention of the Everfree in one of your notes while she had no idea you even visited the place.

                                            >She turned your place upside down and found a dozen pages that never reached her - including the pages where the fact of you hiding them was described.

                                            >As it turned out, whole reports that Twilight was getting from you were re-written by you manually just to omit the fact you're hiding something from her.

                                            >She soon discovered your true intentions.

                                            'Walks in Everfree make me nervous but if I were to disappear it's my best bet. I'm probably gonna start collecting goods for a trip deep into it. Better if I just get lost. I've already started faking my reports to Twilight so she won't interrupt me.'

                                            >From then on out you had to show her everything as soon as you wrote it in the morning. It was hard to refuse when she was holding the power to expose you at any moment.

                                            >She never threatened you with blackmailing. You still thought of it that way.

                                            'Twilight is too kind to me. I hate her for making me write this but I can’t hate her. The fact that I write all these things about ponies makes me think about them even more. I never even realized how much I think about them.'

                                            >It was indeed becoming a feedback loop. At some point the descriptions of your imaginary acts with ponies became elaborate and very fetishistic.

                                            >On top of that you always pointed out flaws in them. You can't sugarcoat your true feelings and so you berated ponies before describing the ways you'd fuck them. For Twilight, you had nothing but praise.

                                            >The more she indulged in reading it, the more confused she became. It was no secret to her that you've become depressed over this diary so she had to read everything just to not miss any worrying thoughts. And that meant reading about herself in great detail.

                                            >Twilight noticed eventually that despite you praising her it was nothing romantic. No plans for wooing her, no confessions of feelings. It was for other ponies despite your grievances with them.

                                            >It's like she was friendzoned preemptively in your heart. Twilight would never show it but it might've affected her judgement in the long run.

                                            'I just love Rarity's tact so much. The way she always tries to hide from me as if I'm about to kill her but still sees me as a fashion challenge and makes me clothes for cheap is adorable. I wanna hold her hoof and listen to her just chirp away about dresses for hours. I wonder if she likes her hooves kissed. Sweetie isn't that scared of me so maybe that's my key to being closer to Rarity.'

                                            'Rainbow is a good sport, she never denies I creep her out and I appreciate it, it makes me want to win her over. I'll start exercising to impress her more.'

                                            'Borrowed a book about wild animals to maybe strike a conversation with Fluttershy if she ever stops being terrified of me. I've seen signs of her wanting to make contact, I spend a lot of time thinking about solving this problem myself. She seems like an exciting pony despite her timid nature, I want to get to know her.'

                                            >And then for Twilight it's just how she's a great friend you'd like to get it on with because she's so incredibly cute and hot. Sure you wanted to kiss her all over, bend her over the table and destroy her vagina with your dick, but there weren't any plans on impressing her for example.

                                            >It was confusing to your unicorn caretaker. Is it because you're simply used to being her friend? Or maybe others are challenges to conquer while she's just...there? Like a family member perhaps.

                                            >But even more confusing were the mixed signals of your messages. In the same sentence you promised to kill Mayor Mare over some mistreatment but immediately followed it with desire to marry her and make her happy?

                                            >What WAS all this about?

                                            "What do you expect me to say? If you're looking for answers, they're all there!" you yelled at her then not seeing any other way to explain it. "Why do you even care?!"

                                            >Perhaps Twilight was taking pity on you. Perhaps she was jealous that other ponies you see as potential romantic interests but not her. Perhaps she felt guilty over making you lament your entire life in Equestria. Perhaps she was just impressed by your description of kissing her and making her yours, promising so much warmth and pleasure she's yet to experience.

                                            >Perhaps it was just to make you focus on her so you never become a threat to anyone. Perhaps it was because through your dirty attitude she wanted to see something good remaining in your heart, to prove that the desires to make someone happy are stronger than all the negativity those pages are depicting.

                                            >Or maybe just to relieve you and herself of all the taxing stress of uncertainty.

                                            >Whatever it was, it has led Twilight to intimacy with you. It was to comfort you first, at the lowest point where nothing in your diary was positive at all.

                                            'No one will see me the same after this. Twilight, my only friend, surely despises me. What little confidence I've had by now is gone, I feel nothing but shame and I fear visiting Twilight every morning. I can't even reason with her, she'll just show these pages to others and I'll be executed, or banished, or worse. I want to leave Ponyville tomorrow. But she will have already read this by then so what's the point? I can't even act on my own anymore. No privacy, no goals, nothing. I wish Twilight would just leave me alone.'

                                            >It was then when the first kiss happened. Maybe she needed it as much as you.

                                            'I am just a toy to her.'

                                            >Her hooves brought your head close so she could hug you.

                                            'I can't figure out her motives. She shouldn't be enabling my fantasies about her.'

                                            >"I'll find a counterspell, I promise."

                                            "I don't care."

                                            >You cared. You could say anything you wanted in her face and it didn't matter.

                                            'I want to berate and insult her, badmouth her so much she'd cry. But it hurts just thinking about it. I want her to be happy, I want to kiss her again. I want us to go further and I hate that she will know about it. I can't hide it from her, I need her.'

                                            >And Twilight did go further. And little by little it has all led you to her bed.

                                            "It doesn't feel right."

                                            >"Don't say that, I want it too. I... I w-want you."

                                            >It was so awkward but she knew you won't let her down.

                                            >First romance in your lives, this infatuation wasn't bound by careful guesses of how you might feel about it. And so there was no containing it after you both got the taste.

                                            >With its effect plainly obvious, Twilight's affection soon tamed you and soothed your emotions.

                                            >You still don't know the reason why she allowed this to happen, not even now.

                                            >So you were left wondering if there are actual feelings behind Twilight's confident tenderness. Like you were just allowing her to express her heart safely, with no fear of rejection.

                                            >She never reacted to you mentioning that in your diary which by that point wasn't as grim anymore. So many thoughts about Twilight had pushed everything else out of it.

                                            >With her being silent about her own emotions you soon started seeing an ill willed catch in her actions, it was too good to be true.

                                            'I'm just an easy prey for her. She knows I can't resist. She's so gorgeous, so soft, so affectionate. I feel appreciated, like someone is in my life who cares. I never felt this way before, it's magical. Maybe that's why she's doing it, because she knows how it makes me feel. She can feel good about helping me too. She's so selfish. I want her to make me feel good again.'

                                            >And so you've become addicted to this comfort. And Twilight - to having control over your thoughts and feelings. A dangerous status quo.

                                            'Maybe she would've never touched me if I wasn't sad at the time. All it took was just a bit of my whining. Maybe she just has sex with me to to shut me up and prevent bad things from happening.'

                                            >"No, this isn't true at all!" she sounded hurt.

                                            "Then what is true? Can you prove it to me?"

                                            >She couldn't. Her own feelings remained in the shadows and your bitterness towards her grew, but never as fast as your affection.

                                            >Twilight herself never denied she found you scary and disturbing. What you thought about her friends offended her greatly.

                                            >"But those are your feelings, not actions. I can judge them but I will not let them make me condemn you for things you haven't said or done."

                                            "You still do."

                                            >"Yes, but-"

                                            >It was complicated. She herself didn't know the right answer. You were a mystery to be solved. And a beast to contain.

                                            >"Despite everything you're still a good man, I know it. It's just hard for me to know what to take away from all this, how to see you."

                                            >With moral dilemmas, your behavior towards one another started to split too.

                                            >It's so easy to throw insults at one another when you both know the truth. So easy to just banter and yell. So much better than just being silent.

                                            >And that's where you are now. A week into Twilight's promise to solve this issue with a counterspell. She was supposed to work on it today.

                                            >Instead she's now spread on the bed once again, taking your dick without a single thought in her mind other than how to cum faster.

                                            >"I knew you'd come," her smile is met with your lips.

                                            >You are on your knees above her once again, only this time your body is held on your elbows just above hers and the feeling of her belly rubbing against you is phenomenal.

                                            >Her voice is so close and her mane smells so intoxicatingly girly.

                                            >It's one of those evenings. As soon as you've thrown her body on the bed you knew it's gonna be fast and raw.

                                            >Sometimes it just happens, sometimes you just want to pin her down and empty your balls in her as fast as you can. This enthusiasm makes her smile with glee.

                                            "Oh god, Twilight..."

                                            >"Aaah~!"

                                            >Before either of you even realize it Twilight shuts her eyes and gasps; the movements of hers are so familiar to you it's like a trained reaction at this point.

                                            >Feeling your mare milking you in her orgasm you immediately reach yours.

                                            >Everything is filled with moans for one second but then nothing but panting and satisfied sighs can be heard from the second floor of Twilight's library.

                                            >"You are so rough today," the mare happily whispers in your ear and kisses it.

                                            "Oh, Twi..." you kiss her too.

                                            >That's all you can manage. After remembering all this crap about how this diary started on your way to your lover you just wanted to clear your head. You never expected it to be so explosive.

                                            "Twilight?"

                                            >"Yeah?"

                                            "I-"

                                            >You can't say a thing, just push your fingers under the pony's sweaty back and embrace her.

                                            >"Shh, it's okay," she somehow realizes what you wanted to say. "I promise, it won't take long now. For real. I have a fool-proof plan."

                                            "I won't leave you, so please, hurry."

                                            >"I'm not scared you'll leave, silly," Twilight pushes you up a bit so she can look into your eyes. "Please just use more than five percents of your human brain power."

                                            "Then what is it?"

                                            >"I'm... Promise you won't laugh."

                                            >The squint of your eyes lets her know you're not here to tease, you need an answer.

                                            >"I'm scared to mess things up even more."

                                            >That is indeed quite laughable considering what has led to this predicament.

                                            >"A counterspell is just a regular spell only with specific properties. If the counterspell has effects other than just cancelling out that spell it might raise even more problems. I'd have to find a counterspell to that counterspell and that's even more complicated. So please, just be patient."

                                            >You don't buy it still. But you'll give her the benefit of a doubt. She knows you don't trust her either way.

                                            >Instead you just play with her bangs a little and Twilight's mellow smile returns to her muzzle once again.


                                            >There's just one more cold day of painting your boredom away left until you come back to work.

                                            >Twilight is there yet again to collect her due.

                                            >It's the usual, of course.

                                            'She doesn't keep her promises, she's just making excuses. My heart will close to her once the spell is gone so she desires to keep me like this, where all her actions have obvious effects on me, where she can do anything she wants and still be sure I'm addicted to her. She is so selfish and irresponsible.'

                                            >Once again you don't look at what exactly she is reading. But her faint, disappointed smile says it all.

                                            >Her silence lingers a lot longer than usual. But it must be simply your impatience that reminds her of her sin.

                                            >Well, Twilight, what's it gonna be?

                                            >Will she finally loosen the leash to help her "friend"?

                                            >It's true that you might secretly feel like every pony in Ponyville owes you sex but Twilight is the one acting out her fantasies of control and enjoys seeing you bare and defenseless before her. First in your thoughts, then in her bed.

                                            >In a way you're the one who has nothing to fear in this situation. If it's just you and her you've got no more dignity to lose.

                                            >"Well, that's something," she says after your writings once again end on complaining about the same song stuck in your head.

                                            >This time you don't even put down the brush. Your masterpiece is almost complete, the purple pony can draw her own conclusions from your diary.

                                            >"But I've got some good news for you."

                                            "Really, what's that?"

                                            >Please be about what you want it to be.

                                            >"The counterspell is ready."

                                            >You don't stop your motions but, hidden from Twilight, a smile appears on your face. It's about time.

                                            "Well, what are you waiting for?"

                                            >"I will cast it tomorrow."

                                            >You turn to her with a grumble, smile gone as fast as it appeared.

                                            "And what convenient excuse do you have for it this time?"

                                            >"It's a secret."

                                            "Of course it is!" you look up to the sky for salvation from this nightmare.

                                            >"Don't worry, everything will be ready in the morning when you visit me with the diary."

                                            "Just want to read my thoughts one last time?"

                                            >"Something like that."

                                            "You really are selfish."

                                            >No reply follows that observation.

                                            >Just to be sure, you turn to face the pony who is now looking at Canterlot herself. Maybe she's just feeling nostalgic instead of being pressed by your questions.

                                            >"Do you miss your world?"

                                            "Hm?"

                                            >The question is so sudden the bewilderment you feel trying to react to it leaves you silent, to match the pony who simply watches the distant mountain city.

                                            "What's with this suddenly?" you try to laugh it off. "Just read it in my diary tomorrow."

                                            >"No, I wanna hear what you think."

                                            "I'm just gonna lie to you."

                                            >"Then lie."

                                            >Is something actually wrong with her today?

                                            >Oh, it must be another one of her traps. If you lie to her now then she'll be sure then once the spell is gone you'll continue lying to her, maybe out of spite.

                                            "If you want to know if I would abandon you if I had a choice to go back, then no. Now why do you ask? You found a spell for that too?"

                                            >"No, nothing like that. I was just reading through your diaries again yesterday."

                                            "Why would you ever do that?"

                                            >That sounds utterly repulsive. You'd never bring yourself to do that, in fact you're grateful to Twilight for taking those dirty pages away from you.

                                            >"Because it was needed for the counterspell."

                                            "Now that has to be a lie."

                                            >"I just thought... Your stay in Equestria hasn't been the most fun so far, has it?"

                                            >It's your turn to fall in silence. Twilight is patiently waiting for you to tell her the truth.

                                            >She waits and waits while your brush finishes up a single cloud in the sky to complete the visage of early spring Canterlot. It makes you feel something elusive, but you don't know if it's pride in your accomplishment or disappointment in your lacking skills.

                                            >Maybe both? You'll surely find something to fix or add to this painting later so this isn't over yet.

                                            "Don't worry about it," you finally put your tools down.

                                            >"I see."

                                            >Twilight's voice is weak but you're weaker: it's too hard to just turn around and face her now that she's being all serious like this.

                                            >This is who you really are, always hiding what's inside. This is what she'll have to deal with from now on.

                                            >To avoid giving Twilight this spoiler you still decide to add:

                                            "I have you, right? It's not that bad."

                                            >If there was a comforting line to say in this situation, this wasn't it. This unicorn knows she's the root of your current problems.

                                            >"I'll see you tomorrow."

                                            >No invitation to fuck, no nothing. She must be really feeling down. Either because of the counterspell or because she's finally realizing what kind of world of shit you've been living in.

                                            >Well, would you take an opportunity to go back if you had one?

                                            >Probably not. Life in Equestria is still better than whatever you had back home. Thing is, you have no idea how you even turned up in this realm in the first place.

                                            >Is getting lost in a snowstorm really all it takes? It was a really bad storm, you have to admit, but still.

                                            >Now it's all behind you. Finally you've got something to look forward to.

                                            >You can hardly wait until tomorrow. So much so that your mood improves dramatically once you forget about Twilight being all gloomy and reserved.

                                            >The morning still comes as Celestia orders despite your rush to start another day, right after you find another diary entry on the table. Finally, for the first time in weeks your trip to Twilight's library is made in good spirits.

                                            >Now you keep her attitude in mind and so you've made a promise to yourself to shower her with lots of affection once the damned spell is off you.

                                            >She might have some tricks left but you're sure she's gonna notice your musings on that in your last diary page ever.

                                            >It's still really early in the morning and you have some time before work so you hope Twilight will spend this time with you, a free man at last.

                                            >At the doors of the great tree library you meet Spike, one of the friendlier faces in this town, and exchange well-motivated good morning greetings.

                                            >Little guy is off somewhere in his mining hat so you assume it's a field day for him. Probably gem digging with Rarity? If that's the case the coast will be clear for some time. Perfect for your plan.

                                            >Twilight is at the reading table as usual. She greets you as usual. You sit down as usual.

                                            >No, that's not right. There's still something shady overcasting Twilight's muzzle. Her glances are more like doubtful potshots, not the usual friendly gazes.

                                            >She won't comment on that, you know it. So there's no reason to ask her.

                                            >"Well, let's see what we have here."

                                            >She puts the sheets right on top of the purple-colored book - a tome where she puts all your diary pages. It looks so plain and nondescript no pony would ever find it on some shelf high up.

                                            >It would probably be right at home with another book Twilight has lying open on the table, right with her usual tea cup she uses for all types of beverages, not just tea.

                                            >She was probably getting cozy in the morning before your arrival as the cup is still half-full with sugary hot chocolate.

                                            "For the last time, hopefully."

                                            >Twilight can't bring herself to match your smile.

                                            >Not even a few paragraphs pass her examination when her eyes move back on you. After Twilight furrows her brow you realize what it's all about.

                                            >"You think you're so clever, huh?" she chuckles sarcastically. "Keep it, I don't intend to re-apply the spell anyway."

                                            >It was about the pocket mirror you wanted to take with you. In case she decided to suddenly change her mind and fire the spell again you'd reflect it back at her. At least that's what you thought initially.

                                            >It was obvious the diary would reflect such a plan so you never even bothered packing the thing with you in the first place.

                                            >Feels as if you've outsmarted Twilight herself. A small victory on your way to having your own mind back today.

                                            >"Alright, I see how it is," the mare nods with little emotion on her face.

                                            >Looks like she wants to get straight to business, just what you wanna see.

                                            "Go on then, I'm ready."

                                            >"So eager, huh?" she lights her horn and smiles.

                                            "You bet."

                                            >"Fine. I'm sorry it took me so long. Now sit still and close your eyes."

                                            >You obey without delay. Just like when the spell itself was cast on you, you feel a bit woozy when your head gets enveloped in a cloud of warmth.

                                            >Feels like you're in a car with all the windows closed on a summer trip. It lasts for just a couple of seconds.

                                            >When it ends you open your eyes and...nothing feels different. The caster is still reading the other open book near her and you guess it's her notes on the spell.

                                            >"Don't count on seeing the effects until tomorrow morning," Twilight confirms your suspicion.

                                            "Right. Well, thank you. I hope it works."

                                            >"It is going to."

                                            "I'm not taking your word for it."

                                            >"Why not?" she almost sounds offended. "I triple-check everything and run tests, you know, everything should be in order."

                                            "M-hm."

                                            >You extend your palm to her but she only raises her eyebrow in confusion.

                                            "Well? My diary."

                                            >"What do you mean?"

                                            "You don't need it anymore, right? Hand it over."

                                            >"Huh? Why?"

                                            "I'm going to burn it like I was planning right from the start."

                                            >The pony's conflicted expression makes you repeat it again:

                                            "Twilight, let's put all of this behind us. Nobody needs to know and I'll still be visiting you like before. Win-win for us no matter how you look at it."

                                            >She wants to object but you don't let her.

                                            >Your finger touches her lips when she wants to say something, still looking lost and unsure.

                                            "You've made a mistake once. Now is your chance to learn your lesson and close this book."

                                            >She shakes her head.

                                            >You should've expected this. You should've known. She was never on your side with this.

                                            "Do you really want to keep a diary that can destroy my whole life for yourself? Just for some sentimental reason? You're crazy, Twilight. You said you wanted to be my friend..."

                                            >"I- No, it's not like this!"

                                            "No, I see how it is. Selfish until the end."

                                            >"Let me explain first!"

                                            >No, this won't end in anything but suffering again.

                                            >She could read your heart but she can't read your mind. And this allows you to quickly snatch a familiar tome right under her nose.

                                            >Before she can even react you open it up and rip the pages right in half.

                                            >"No, wait!"

                                            >She stops your hands with magic by the time you're halfway down the book. But when you look in her eyes you immediately notice it’s not your pages that concern her - two parchment sheets fly out of the tome.

                                            >It's Twilight's own paper. And the unicorn looks panicked when it threatens to land on the floor.

                                            >You've gotta move fast.

                                            >Pony's magic is still tugging at your hands and the book, so you give her exactly what she wants. You throw it at her so hard the pony loses balance when it hits her horn.

                                            >Surprised yelp is heard from the other side of the table when you're already down on the floor, dropped as far as you can to grab the flying sheets.

                                            >You know Twilight will try to wrestle them out of your hold so you stand up, ready to defend yourself.

                                            >But how do you deal with magic that can just rip your arms off if needed?

                                            >Quick, Anon, think fast.

                                            >Twilight is already rubbing her horn and as soon as she notices her precious paper in your hands she lights it up again.

                                            >Whatever it is in there, she really cares about it. And that's why you can't let her have it even if it's just some dumb drawings of the cool S or whatever.

                                            >Too late for you to come up with anything that could help - your arms are already in the magic grip. Not the gentle restraints like when Twilight rides you on in her flimsy bed, no, strong enough to drag you to her right over the table.

                                            >She can't afford to damage the scrolls so she'll just have to bring you together with them.

                                            >But the unicorn is too hasty, she can't measure her strength well and it leads to unpredictable consequences.

                                            >The table you bump into on your way shakes violently and that's enough to disturb the cup right next to the book with...

                                            >"No! The counterspell!"

                                            >It's just a little splash but Twilight immediately lets you go to tend to her precious notes.

                                            >"No-no-no-no!"

                                            >You hear her focusing her magic on something other than your hands, presumably on something like a tissue or any piece of cloth close to her. Your target is elsewhere.

                                            >The scroll contains a lot of text and the handwriting - or in this case magicwriting? Hornwriting? - undeniably belongs to the gifted unicorn.

                                            >What you see stuns you immediately. Miniscule drops of sweat start appearing on your forehead by the time you hear Twilight, finally being done with the book stain, scramble and let out another "No!" in your direction.

                                            >Without even tearing your eyes from the documents you kick the table again, this time on purpose, sending the pony into panic again.

                                            >"Don't read it! Whatever you do, don't!"

                                            >Your arm is once again inside a magical bind.

                                            >But only one arm. The other immediately reaches Twilight and...

                                            >"Ouch!"

                                            >Her horn is once again hit, but by a flick of your fingers this time.

                                            >Not hard, just enough to disorient.

                                            >The pony loses sight of you for a moment, but you feel more dizzy than her right now. You need to sit down and once you do you are immediately assaulted by the desperate liar.

                                            "Twilight, what...what is all this?"

                                            >"No! I said don't read it! Please!"

                                            >She forgets about her magic completely and just whacks you with her hooves trying to reach for the papers from behind your arm's length. To your best abilities you keep her away with one arm while the other one trembles with Twilight's diary in it.

                                            >"Please! Anon!!"

                                            >She's exhausted and she's about to cry. Instead of insisting and demanding she's just begging through tears.

                                            >You share that sentiment as you really wish you never saw this.

                                            >You didn't need to perpetuate this cycle of emotional thralldom and shame.

                                            >Yet you can't tear your eyes away from the spell-induced diary of Twilight.

                                            >The first sheet already explains it clearly:

                                            >'I still don't know if this is going to work. I'll see in the morning. I could continue development as is but I don't want Anon subjected to this spell for even one more day. It's only fair that I'm casting the same spell on myself to understand it better. I can't deny that I find the prospect of Anon finding this diary exciting. But it would be too cruel on him. I'll decide later.'

                                            >Same style of short, cut thoughts voiced in simple yet honest lines. Looks as authentic as it can get..

                                            >'He made me feel so good as always but I'm sad he's doubting me again. It is my fault as usual. I ask patience of him but it is wearing thin. This is a drastic measure but it will help.'

                                            >So this sheet is from your first weekend where you came to the library after you were done for the day?

                                            >'I said I'm not scared of him leaving but it's the thing I'm afraid of the most. I know he blames me for everything. I can't see any other option but to relieve him of the spell so he might trust me again. Checked again and still no signs of pregnancy. He is thinking about it himself so it'd be a good reason to keep him close. I'm not ready for marriage but I can't hide my feelings forever.'

                                            >"Anon... Urgh, for the love of Celestia!.." a bit of anger is mixed into her pleading now.

                                            "Oh, shut it."

                                            >Twilight is whimpering in your hold. She knows it was too late to stop you even after a few glimpses over the diary.

                                            >The pony doesn’t seem to be crying, more like she’s sulking quietly and her cheeks are bright red, at least from what you can tell under the foreleg covering her face in shame.

                                            >'One way or another he will learn that I've become infatuated with him. I’m not sure how to evaluate my feelings. I have to be ready to confess to him. Need to prepare an explanation.'

                                            >You've clearly passed the point of no return so there's no reason to not go all the way.

                                            >The first sheet falls on the floor under the regretful etude of Twilight's embarrassment at your side: she's sighing quietly and grumbling something under her breath.

                                            >On the second sheet you see notes about the second day of your weekend - the one where Twilight was all thoughtful and mysterious:

                                            >'Now that I know the spell has worked, the counterspell development went on fast. At the same time I'm tempted to burn that first scroll. I didn't need to cast the spell on myself but it felt appropriate for the time. I've never been this embarrassed in my life, and that's just me being the one reading it. Now I know how weak Anon feels when he comes to deliver new pages. Reading them again now feels harrowing. If this is what he has been feeling all this time he must truly feel ruined. Yet I know the truth.'

                                            >So that's why she was re-reading the journal.

                                            >'I was very disheartened after meeting him. He didn't answer my question about staying in Equestria if given the chance. I wanted to hear him say it to later compare it with his diary. To know if he'd lie to make me feel better, but he avoided it. He's so smart. I wish I had invited him again but it wouldn't be fair. He thinks it's all because of pity and I can't say anything without telling him the truth about how I feel towards him. I feel trapped in my indecision. I'm hurting him with it too.'

                                            >The mare next to you doesn't do anything when you sigh, reaching the bottom of the page after looking over the rest of Twilight's day filled with thoughts of her friends and pondering letters to Celestia.

                                            >'Anon is so much more brave than me. He displays his feelings for me but I'd burn with shame if I'd ever admitted my own affection even to myself. Yesterday's diary proves that. I need to change this.’

                                            >‘I've decided I'll leave these pages in his diary so he can find them. It will be painful and I'll most likely reconsider at the last moment but he'll find a way to see this message. He's cunning and decisive, he'll find a way to keep me at bay.’

                                            >And so Twilight got exactly what she wanted. Now you feel kinda bad for handling her so roughly. Only one entry remains:

                                            >'I can't stop thinking about him like usual. I hope he can understand me and this clears things up to him but I still feel like such a coward. I needed to be the one to tell him how I feel, face to face. To explain that it's not guilt or pity. Instead I'm using this horrible method and he'll probably feel bad about seeing me force my thoughts out like this. But I don't think he'd believe me any other way. I need to do this for him.'

                                            "Twilight?" you call softly.

                                            >Instead of keeping the pony away your hand now touches her mane, patting it lightly near her poor horn.

                                            >She's silent. This little mare always worries so much but now it's already too late for that so she has nothing to add. Both her forelegs are covering her muzzle. She's hiding from you.

                                            >You pick up the dropped sheet and put them both on the table. This gets Twilight to react at last.

                                            >Her eyes are a bit unfocused from the sudden burst of emotions she just experienced but she seems to be alright. Thankfully she wasn't bawling her eyes out down there. She simply looks thoroughly abashed.

                                            >"Please just don't say anything."

                                            >Her eyes close and blush returns to her cheeks. Oh, please, she already knows you think she's the cutest, no need to show off right now.

                                            >You oblige and don't open your mouth. Instead you relocate the pony on your lap from the wooden floor.

                                            >Little by little Twilight relaxes as you hand follows her mane and coat, stroking them slowly and then returning to her withers to do so again.

                                            >"I- I just..."

                                            >She lifts her head, still unsatisfied with silence, but her cheek is met with yours and is rubbed by it.

                                            >With your head now lowered to her level you're free to also give her cute muzzle a little kiss before continuing cheek friction.

                                            >Frankly speaking, even if you tried to say something in this moment there'd be nothing of substance to say. The head of yours is only good for affection. Not one coherent thought left in it.

                                            >Where do you even start? Comforting her by approaching things logically? Scolding her for having doubts? Laughing at the whole situation?

                                            >There's no real answer to repair the damages of the hurricane Twilight's heart has just experienced.

                                            >She told you to keep quiet yet she tries again and again to tell you something. But nothing comes out of her mouth that you promptly plug with a kiss.

                                            >What a silly pony.

                                            >You'd probably hold a grudge any other time. But even in the morning you were already thinking about simply moving on and forgetting about this as soon as possible. Your determination to do so is still in you.

                                            >In a way it’s so relieving, to know that you were wrong and there was no malice in her after all. This feeling uplifts you so much you’d forgive her for just about anything right now.

                                            >It takes some time for Twilight to finally regain the ability to speak properly.

                                            >She looks at the book with an obvious hot chocolate blotch on the pages and shakes her head.

                                            >"Guess there's that. No big deal, I can still see the words. Kinda."

                                            "Wait... Twilight, you have already applied the counterspell to yourself before this, right? Right?"

                                            >For a moment arctic winds blow all over your back making everything in your body freeze.

                                            >You can see it already. Twilight having to excavate her deepest emotions to put on paper, day after day...

                                            >But Twilight just laughs:

                                            >"Of course. I told you I tested it, weren't you paying attention?"

                                            "Stop-stop-stop. Your two entries are from yesterday and today. When did you test it?"

                                            >"Yesterday before bed."

                                            "But that would mean that today's morning-"

                                            >Your mouth is kept open at the shock and Twilight is pleased with your reaction.

                                            >"That wasn't written under the spell."

                                            "But- But- Why then?"

                                            >The purple unicorn looks away but her smile never leaves her muzzle.

                                            >"No reason, I guess. Maybe I really can't bring myself to say anything to you face to face."

                                            >Looks like she was the one to deliver the final blow. But that also means...

                                            >"Of course now you'll just have to believe what is written there instead of knowing it's true for certain."

                                            >She finally turns her head back to you to find you grinning from one cheek to another.

                                            "You're so silly."

                                            >"Yeah, well..." her cheeks once again burn up with red.

                                            "I believe you."

                                            >Feeling your hand on her hoof Twilight nods in approval.

                                            >The first spell-induced sheet already had her confession after all. But even if that wasn't real either you'd believe her anyway.

                                            >That just leaves one thing to settle.

                                            “And you know what, me too.”

                                            >”W-what do you mean?” the mare is perplexed.

                                            >This awkwardness is nothing compared to what you’ve been showing Twilight all these days. You need to do this.

                                            “Maybe I have some feelings for you too.”

                                            >That makes Twilight’s confused gaze shift from your slightly trembling smile to your eyes.

                                            >The laugh she gives you is a bit bitter, unlike her usual sarcastic one:

                                            >”I’m flattered, but you don't have to pretend for my sake, I know you don't.”

                                            “Maybe I want to.”

                                            >Yes! The final blow is actually struck by you because now Twilight’s mouth is left hanging just a tiny bit open while she’s processing the implications.

                                            >"But-"

                                            “You’ll just have to believe me.”

                                            >And just like that, the mare so close to you smiles once again. That smile is hidden by your kiss right away.

                                            >You have to believe in something cheesy like this, you want to. You want to forget the naked truth that only brings doubt and shame.

                                            >She'll have to trust you too from now on and you think she's ready to move forward together with you on that trust alone.


                                            >By the time Spike returns to the library the crisis of honest hearts is already behind you. Baby dragon finds you and Twilight talking about some town gossip.

                                            >Twilight's attention is immediately on him but she waits until her little assistant cleans himself up a bit - hours of gemhunting left him thoroughly dirtied.

                                            >Once he is done he senses something is needed of him and indeed, you and Twilight are there to request:

                                            >"Take a letter to Celestia, Spike."

                                            >The now contented unicorn has finally decided to put it all behind her.

                                            >You two still want to keep everything concerning your feelings a secret from everyone for now. But Twilight promised she'll try to help you with other ponies in a more...appropriate way.

                                            >No untested spells this time. She might be very talented but you'd rather she sees you as a friend to help, not a friendship problem to solve because Celestia expects great things from her.

                                            >And so Twilight's lesson flows onto the parchment from under Spike’s quill.

                                            >"Dear princess Celestia. Today I've learned that a friend's heart is a lot more delicate than one has any reason to know. We all have feelings deep inside we'd rather not show to others but it's not what makes us who we are, it's being good despite them. While being able to know one's true feelings might be convenient, to truly build a bridge between one another both need to put their hopes in front and trust the other to cherish them because trust is just as important as honesty. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle!"

                                            >While Twilight’s confident, calming voice becomes written word, you think that you also have learned a lesson from all this.

                                            >Maybe assuming that Twilight only had negative reasons behind keeping you like this was, as the unicorn once called it, the prism of the human experience. Assuming the worst is in your nature after all.

                                            >And maybe you never counted on her having actual feelings for you because she’s the one you couldn’t imagine falling for someone like you.

                                            >Shows what you know about ponies. Live and learn.

                                            >"Aaand sent!" Spike dusts his hands off after blowing the letter away in his dragonflame.

                                            >"Well done. Also, please, dispose of these too."

                                            >Twilight floats the two parchments with her diary, now fastened with the royal lace and seal just in case.

                                            >Spike is confused for a second but shrugs and blows them away just like the letter.

                                            >Just like..?

                                            >"Wait, Spike, you- You didn't just send those to Celestia, did you?!"

                                            >You both can't remain seated waiting for the poor overwhelmed dragon's reply and now tower over the puzzled assistant.

                                            >"Well... uh... Oops?"

                                            >You and your mare look at one another, eyes infinitely reflecting each other's despair.

                                            >And she starts giggling. And you start laughing. And she starts laughing even harder. And you sit down again almost falling over, laughing louder than ever.

                                            >Eventually Spike joins in thinking it's a job well done and that's a wrap.

                                            "R-roll credits, please! Right now!" you flick the tear of laughter and absolute terror from your cheek.

                                            >Myyy little pony~

                                            >Not really.

                                            >"You didn't actually send it to her, right?" Twilight menacingly asks, standing right next to her baby dragon and looking down at him from her height.

                                            >"W-what? I should've?"

                                            >"When I said dispose..."

                                            >"Yeah, I just burnt them. Sorry."

                                            >"Oh, thank goodness!" Twilight lies down again and plays dead on the floor.

                                            >Spike is clearly still scared of possible consequences of misunderstanding Twilight's directions but you reassure him with a thumbs up:

                                            "Good job."

                                            >"Huh... Thanks, I guess," he shrugs in bewilderment.

                                            >It's gonna take some time before the ghosts of this magical catastrophe that almost endangered your whole life in Equestria stop haunting you.

                                            >At least you still have a friendly face to rely on when times get rough (no magic required). Someone you've come to know well during the days of her knowing absolutely everything about you.

                                            >Maybe now it's worth a shot to start the journey again and try to be friends with her for real. Or maybe, just like she wanted, a little bit more than friends.

                                            >It's ironic that you feel like things between you are clearer now than they were when she was reading you like an open book.

                                            >With her own emotions finally revealed things are starting to make sense and the road before you for once promises possibilities of a happier future in Equestria.

                                            >Maybe she does care. Maybe you want to care too. Maybe it's a road you'd rather walk together with her.

                                            >You'll be sure to make this opportunity to start over count.


                                            THE END.