GREEN   373   0
   12029 66.23 KB    1301

[FLUTTERRAPE] The City of the Sands

By Nebulus
Created: 2020-12-17 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-07-03 21:16:45
Expiry: Never
anonocsafe/flutterrape/adventuremane 6

  1. Originally uploaded to Pastebin: June 1st, 2013
  2. ---
  3.  
  4. This is a load of shit, Twilight.
  5. >"Oh come on, Anon! It's gonna be great! Just you, me, and our friends on an adventure!"
  6. Adventures suck.
  7. >Pinkie Pie bounces up to you.
  8. >"Don't be such a sour puss, Nonny! Think of all the fun we're going to have here!"
  9. >You look around at the barren desert. The sand dunes tower above you and there aren't any signs of life for miles around.
  10. >Glare at Pinkie Pie, who is beaming up at you
  11. Oh boy. Sand. What fun.
  12. >Pinkie giggles
  13. >"Now you're getting it!"
  14. >You sigh and stomp onwards, cursing everything around you
  15. >Since the only things in question are the 6 ponies, the sand and the sun, there isn't much to curse
  16. >Unless you curse oxygen as well
  17. >Can oxygen be to blame for this?
  18. >Why not.
  19. Fucking Oxygen.
  20. >It's day 980 in Equestria.
  21. >Almost 3 years in this pone-infested hellhole and no way of getting out
  22. >To make matters worse, rather than being at home in Ponyville with your warm bed and gentle summer breeze wafting through the window, Celestia decided that an expedition was in order to forgotten lands
  23. >When you sent her an angry letter demanding an explanation, she said you needed to get out more
  24. >Honest to god, you couldn't find a fault in her logic. You WERE kind of a shut in
  25. >Not your fault though. Ponies are assholes at the best of times
  26. >Applejack trots up beside you and gives you a water bottle
  27. >"Here ya go, partner! Ya look parched!"
  28. >Chug down the water and hand it back to her
  29. >Rarity appears at your other side
  30. >She uses her magic to gently wrap a thin headscarf around your exposed noggin
  31. >"I thought you might need it, wouldn't want you passing out, darling!"
  32. >Nod in appreciation
  33. >"We love you, Anon!"
  34. Thanks, Pinkie.
  35. >You fucking hate this place.
  36. >Dig into your pocket and pull out a dry, sand covered letter
  37. >Read it again
  38. >"Dear Anonymous, I am sending you and my faithful student Twilight, along with her friends, out to the Dreaded Dunes! I hope you enjoy yourself and bring back many stories of your adventures! I just know you'll enjoy your time with your best friends!"
  39. >Stuff it in your pocket again
  40. >The rage keeps you going
  41. >Twilight awaits you atop a sand dune
  42. >She grins at you
  43. >"Isn't this fun?! I can't believe we're the first ponies in a hundred and fourty years to explore this area!"
  44. >Look around at the unchanging landscape
  45. We're going to die here, aren't we?
  46. >"Don't be silly! It's just a little bit farther to Mareage!"
  47. >You cringe at the pun
  48. >Squint at the land before you
  49. There's nothing here, Twilight. You god damn-
  50. >"There it is!"
  51. >Pinkie Pie jumps down the side of the dune and slides on her butt all the way to the bottom, squealing with delight the whole time
  52. >Rarity carefully begins to descend. smiling at you on the way past
  53. >"I do love the sand, darling. It feels wonderful on my hooves and all, but I really don't want to get it in my coat"
  54. >She, as well as the rest of the mane 6, follow Pinkie to the bottom of the dune
  55. >Where there is absolutely nothing
  56. >Fucking hor-
  57. >"Anon? Could you p-please help me?"
  58. >Feel the rage intensify
  59. >Turn to see Fluttershy smiling at you
  60. >"Oh! You will? How wonderful!"
  61. >She promptly shows you her rear end
  62. >She prods her vagina with a hoof
  63. >"Umm, I got sand in it. C-could you please dig it out?"
  64. >Grab a fistful of sand
  65. >Punch Fluttershy in the vagoo
  66. >She gasps and quivers
  67. >"Oooooh... Yes please, Anon..."
  68. >Fuck this. You're out
  69. >Slide down the dune on your butt, like Pinkie did.
  70. >It may seem like fun, but it's not.
  71. >Get to the bottom of the slope
  72. >The Mane 6 minus Fluttershy are staring in awe at... Something
  73. The hell are you all looking at?
  74. >Twilight cocks her head
  75. >"You can't see it? There's an entire city here, Anon."
  76. >Blink
  77. I think the heat might be getting to you.
  78. >"No, it is. But it hasn't gotten to you yet."
  79. >Twilight sighs and casts a spell on you
  80. >Suddenly you have a massive headache, your mouth is dry and you're gasping for air
  81. >Fall to the floor on your hands and knees, your headache made worse by the searing heat of the sun
  82. WHAT DID YOU DO?!
  83. >"I gave you a mirage!"
  84. YOU CAN'T GIVE PEOPLE MIRAGES, YOU FUCKING MORON! A MIRAGE IS A PSYCHOLOGI- Oh, -there- it is.
  85. >Lo and behold, an entire city now stands before you
  86. >Buildings made of sandstone and shining spires with huge glass windows stretch on for a mile, surrounded by a vast stone wall
  87. >You can hear the noise of the city now, busy market noises
  88. >Gotta admit. It's pretty impressive
  89. >Get to your feet and take your place next to Twilight
  90. >She smiles up at you
  91. >"Now do you believe me?"
  92. >You rub your head, taking it all in
  93. >Still hurting like a bitch, though
  94. I don't understand. You said that no one has been here in over a hundred and fourty years
  95. >"That's right! Celestia told me where to find it, though. She's been around forever so she obviously knows about it."
  96. What about the city's residents?
  97. >"Well, the city is built over a massive wellspring. The only one in this whole desert. It runs deep, and never seems to run out of water, so it's people have lived here peacefully for over two thousand years in total bliss! Isn't that great!"
  98. Will they be okay with tourists?
  99. >"I'm sure they'll be fine."
  100. ...Do you have a headache?
  101. >"Oh yes. It's quite painful"
  102. You don't look like you're in pain
  103. >"That's because, unlike you, I'm not a little foal. I can handle a bit of pain"
  104. >Twilight giggles and trots up to the front gates
  105. >You're stunned by her comeback.
  106. >Truly, she is the smartest and wittiest of the bunch
  107. >Brain?
  108. >Yeah?
  109. >Remind me to poison her breakfast
  110. >Roger.
  111. >Jog to catch up with her
  112. Wait! Do we need to have headaches for this entire trip?
  113. >"Nah. Once we're in the city the magical barrier around it will adjust itself so that it will always be visible to us"
  114. That's... Oddly convenient
  115. >"Duh. It's magic."
  116. >Of course.
  117. >You follow Twilight through the huge wooden doors and into the city
  118. >The others follow, looking around in wonder
  119. >Twilight points to a spire and tells everyone to meet her there
  120. >Stop gazing at the towering structure and look at the shops around you
  121. >A pony in a turban grins at you
  122. >"Hello there, friend! Would you like some baskets? Very good prices!"
  123. Uhh, how much?
  124. >The shopkeeper looks at Twilight
  125. >"Your daughter is beautiful! I would like to marry her! You give me your daughter and I give you basket. Good deal, yes?"
  126. >Snicker
  127. Sure thing!
  128. >Nudge Twilight, who wasn't paying attention
  129. Hey, Twi, there's a nice pony over there who wants to show you some old books.
  130. >"Really? Oh my goodness! That's incredible!"
  131. >She prances over to the shopkeeper and he chuckles as he shows her into his shop
  132. >24 seconds and a very loud series of explosions later, Twilight stomps out, looking pissed
  133. >"I HATE THIS PLACE ALREADY"
  134. You uhh, got some spunk in your mane
  135. >"GO TO TARTARUS, ANON."
  136. >Lose your sides while Twilight storms off in a huff
  137. >Wipe a tear from your eye and look around for the rest of the mane 6
  138. >Applejack is talking with another street vendor
  139. >Wander over and watch them
  140. >"Waddya mean ya'll ain't got apples? Ain't you never seen an apple before?"
  141. >The vendor shakes his head
  142. >"What is apple? I only sell lemon."
  143. >Applejack seems a bit miffed
  144. >"But... Ya CAN'T have NOT heard of apples-"
  145. >"NO APPLE ONLY LEMON YOU BUY YES?"
  146. >AJ stomps her hoof in frustration
  147. >"AH WANT AN APPLE"
  148. >The vendor throws a lemon at her
  149. >And then a horseshoe
  150. >"YOU GET OUT OF MY STORE. WE ONLY SELL LEMON!"
  151. >Drag AJ away from the vendor before she pummels him
  152. Relax, Applejack. It's just a lemon
  153. >Try not to smirk
  154. >AJ walks off in the same direction as Twilight, grumbling
  155. >Walk over to the vendor
  156. >He gazes up at you, unperturbed by your extra-terrestrial body
  157. >"You buy lemon?"
  158. >Slam 5 bits down and grab a lemon
  159. >Bite into it, the sour juices causing every muscle in your face to seize up
  160. >Tastes like justice
  161. >Look around for more funny fun things to do
  162. >Notice Pinkie Pie
  163. >Strut on over and watch her poke around with a large grin on your face
  164. >She notices a pony charming a snake
  165. >"Oooh! Let me try!"
  166. >She grabs a pungi and begins to play
  167. >Lean against a post and watch her play
  168. >A noise distracts you, so you look to the left
  169. >When you turn back, Pinkie Pie is using the flute to summon Pinkie Pie out of the basket
  170. >The other Pinkie is wearing a snake costume
  171. >It's creepy as shit
  172. >You put it down to another hallucination and move on to find Rarity, who is probably checking out the various silks and jewellery
  173. >To your surprise, you find her in a pit, surrounded by stallions
  174. >Move through the crowd and do a double take when you see that she's fighting a crocodile
  175. >She's wearing a bandana with gem studs in it
  176. >Rarity leaps towards the crocodile, which in turn waddles towards her, snapping its jaws
  177. >She deftly avoids its maw, jumping behind it with a dexterity you've never seen her display before
  178. >She grabs the poor lizard in a choke hold, growling and struggling to hold the croc in place
  179. >It hurls her off and hisses angrily, waddling as fast as it's stubby lizard legs can carry it towards where she rolled with renewed vigour
  180. >You wince as its jaws snap down on her, but are amazed as Rarity stops them just before they close over her head
  181. >She has a hoof pressed against the roof of its mouth, and it's lower jaw
  182. >She lets loose a battle cry, pushes up and down with her hooves respectively, and issues a sickening crack
  183. >The crocodile begins writhing around, hissing and roaring in anger, but it's jaws are loose.
  184. >Rarity broke its fucking jaws
  185. >The crowd goes insane and starts throwing money and gems at her
  186. >She giggles and waves to them, catching all the things thrown at her in an expensive looking bag she seemed to have produced from nowhere
  187. >"Thank you! Thank you all!"
  188. >She jumps out of the pit and freezes when she sees you
  189. >You can't find anything to say
  190. >She speaks first
  191. >"They'll never believe you."
  192. Y-yeah, I know.
  193. >You follow her away from the fighting ring
  194. So how long have you...?
  195. >"My father was a cage fighter"
  196. Huh. Think I can get a share of th-
  197. >"No."
  198. Okay...
  199. >You lose Rarity in a crowd
  200. >Not that it matters. You all know where to go.
  201. >You stuff your hands in your sand filled pockets and poke around the bazaar some more
  202. >A pony walks out of a shop, looking around like she was caught doing something terrible
  203. >Said pony is Fluttershy
  204. >Creep up behind her
  205. Boo!
  206. >She yelps and drops her freshly purchased item
  207. >It's an old... Lamp?
  208. >The fuck
  209. Fluttershy, what the hell is this?
  210. >"Ohh, umm... P-please give it back. Please? Please..."
  211. Fine, whatever. You could have at least bought something cooler. Like a box of vipers. I think I saw someone selling those a while back, I think they-
  212. >Aaaand she's gone.
  213. >Chuckle and carry on searching for ponies to annoy
  214. >it doesn't take you long to find Rainbow Dash
  215. >She's trying her hoof at a bit of gambling
  216. >You stand behind her and watch the table
  217. >It's the good old '3 cup 1 ball' trick.
  218. >The pony hosting the game swiftly places a small white ball under a cup, taps it twice, then begins moving the cups around at a whirlwind speed
  219. >Rainbow Dash's head moves frantically to try and keep up with where she thinks the ball is
  220. >The host abruptly stops, and Rainbow shakes her head
  221. >"That was way too fast! No fair!"
  222. >Rainbow
  223. >Saying that something is too fast
  224. >Snicker to yourself
  225. >She spins around and glares at you
  226. What? Just pick a cup, man. It's just a game.
  227. >She turns back to the cups and bites her lip
  228. >After a moment she jabs a hoof at a cup
  229. >"THAT ONE!"
  230. >The host lifts it up
  231. >Nothing
  232. >Rainbow groans in frustration
  233. >"That's impossible!"
  234. >She stomps off
  235. >Look at the host
  236. >He looks at you
  237. >Reach down and tap the cup on the far left
  238. >He picks it up
  239. >A ball is there
  240. >He gives you 5 bits
  241. >Fuck yeah.
  242. >You decide that it's time to head towards the rendezvous, the large sheets of canvas providing cover from the sun and basking the whole marketplace in a lovely cool shade
  243. >Doesn't do much for the smell though
  244. >The stench of perfume, spices and sweat fills the air, mixing together to create what you can only describe as pungent, yet strangely intoxicating
  245. >It reminds you of back home. Earth, that is.
  246. >Busy, crowded streets. The shouts of hagglers ringing out over the continuous noise of discussion, bartering and laughing
  247. >Beats Canterlot any day
  248. >Since you tower over the ponies, you have no trouble wading through them
  249. >They don't even bother with you though. A few look up at you while you stroll past but they just carry on walking with the same nonchalant expression
  250. >You could live here. These ponies just don't give a fuck.
  251. >Maybe you could talk with someone here about renting a house? You find yourself growing more attached to this place the longer you stay here
  252. >It's a hell of a lot more interesting than Ponyville
  253. >The place where fuck all happens all day and the only thing you look forward to at night is your bed
  254. >You make your way towards the nearest spire where you all said that you'd meet up
  255. >You take your time though. You like it here and want to savour every moment you have before you get dragged back to that borehole up north
  256. >Find the group stood at the foot of the glamorous looking spire, looking mad as hell
  257. >Twilight is staring daggers at you
  258. >Applejack is frothing at the mouth slightly
  259. >Pinkie Pie is still wearing a snake costume
  260. >Fluttershy is looking at the floor and nudging a small stone around
  261. >Rainbow Dash is sat on her haunches with her front legs folded, grumbling to herself
  262. >Rarity locks eyes with you and mouths the words "no one"
  263. So! How's everyone doing?
  264. >"Shut up, Ahnon."
  265. >"Stupid monkey."
  266. >"It wasn't even fair!"
  267. >"Umm... Y-yeah..."
  268. >"I'm doing just fine, Anonymous. Thank you for asking!"
  269. >"Hiya Anon!"
  270. Whaddup, Ponko. So, where to now?
  271. >Twilight huffs and pulls out a map
  272. >"I picked this up after that merchant tried to molest me, says the grand palace is deeper in the city. Directly over the wellspring that keeps this place alive."
  273. >Rainbow Dash trots over to look at the map as well, her face scrunched up in confusion
  274. >"Whats this mean?"
  275. >Twilight sighs
  276. >"That's a compass, Rainbow"
  277. >"Oh."
  278. >You all decide that the palace is the best place to go, so you set off.
  279. >Twilight takes the lead as usual
  280. >"Everyone stick together. We don't want to get lost in this place, alright?"
  281. >The group agrees
  282. >You grunt
  283. >Being lost here would be awesome. You want to explore this city from top to bottom.
  284. >But alas, you cannot lose track of Rainbow's multichromatic mane so you drudge onwards after them
  285. >With the palace in sight, the bazaar slowly fades out and is replaced with more aesthetically pleasing abodes
  286. >Ponies wearing fancy robes and various silks drift to and fro, chatting quietly in comparison to the hustle of the marketplace you just left
  287. >A few of them turn their heads, and to your chagrin, these ponies are surprised to see an alien being wandering around their fair city
  288. >"What IS that creature?"
  289. >"Hush, Firemalt, don't let it hear you..."
  290. >You make a mental note to never come here again once you move to this city
  291. >The guards let you pass, a bored expression on their faces, mirroring that of the lower class citizens
  292. >Guess you know where the grunts of this army come from
  293. >You follow the group through the grandiose halls, the gleaming white marble pillars entangled with an exotic, vibrant green ivy
  294. >The guards inside are outfitted in elaborate uniforms, lined with gold and gems
  295. >You glance towards Rarity
  296. >As suspected, she's openly drooling
  297. >Prod her
  298. You alright, Rarity
  299. >"Buhhhhh"
  300. Hm.
  301. >You reach a pair of gargantuan golden doors
  302. >This palace makes Canterlot's look like your bedroom
  303. >The doors swing open, revealing a throne room even more beautiful than the palace that houses it
  304. >The throne itself actually has small water features on each side
  305. >Fucking
  306. >Water features
  307. >A frog bounces past you and into the pool, where it lies content on a small rock, croaking quietly
  308. >Your eyes slowly work their way up to the throne itself
  309. >And in it lies...
  310. Oh my god.
  311. >Rarity lets out a subtle "ugh"
  312. >Twilight steps forward confidently
  313. >"Greetings, your majesty! My name is Twilight Sparkle, I'm a visitor from the distant lands of Equestria by order of Princess Celestia of Equestria!"
  314. >The figure in the chair muses to herself
  315. >"Hmm... Celestia, eh? I haven't heard that name in a while... She still executing ponies for heresy?"
  316. >Twilight looks taken aback
  317. >You try not to smirk
  318. >"I... No, I don't think she is."
  319. >The figure titters
  320. >"Shame. Those heretics got what was coming to them. Now. Unless my old age has rendered me... Heh. Mad, I think I can see a monster dressed in a suit about to pounce on you all."
  321. >The group turns around to look at you
  322. >You point at yourself
  323. What, me? Nah. I'm cool.
  324. >Twilight's eye twitches and she hisses at you
  325. >"Anon! You're speaking to royalty!"
  326. >The figure in the throne laughs heartily
  327. >"why, I never! He's got quite the spine to be talking to me like that!"
  328. >The figure steps off the throne
  329. >An alicorn, that is. With a dark grey coat and a frizzy leaf green mane
  330. >She strolls down the slope leading up to her throne and towards the group
  331. >And she
  332. >Is
  333. >Massive.
  334. >Almost triple the size of Celestia. Not in height, but in width
  335. >A creature covered in so much fat you wonder how it is she's walking so briskly towards you
  336. >Her rolls shudder and jiggle as her flabby legs propel the beast towards you
  337. >She marches through the ponies in front of you, the group jumping aside to let her past
  338. >Despite her size, her head only just reaches your chest
  339. >She gazes up at you, her eyes twinkling with what you pray isn't hunger
  340. >"What am I to call you, hm?"
  341. Uhh. Anonymous.
  342. >"Anonymous? Funny name... Mine's Terragranda."
  343. What, like large earth?
  344. >Twilight gasps
  345. >Terragranda laughs
  346. >"Yes! Just like that!"
  347. >She moves to the side a bit, showing you her rolls
  348. >"You like them?"
  349. >She jiggles her ass
  350. >Jesus Christ how horrifying
  351. Uhhh-
  352. >"No need to gawp, dear. I know how beautiful I am."
  353. >Rarity gags silently
  354. >Terragranda rubs a hoof up and down your leg
  355. >"You know... I haven't had a visitor in a while... It's been so long since I've entertained someone so..."
  356. >She leans forwards, her hoof tracing your chest now
  357. >"...Exotic"
  358. >FUCK LIVING HERE. THE BAZAAR CAN KEEP IT'S RUSTIC CHARM.
  359. >Terragranda bites her lip and winks at you before walking back to her throne
  360. >You feel raped.
  361. >Which is ironic, given that it's normally Fluttershy who does shit like that.
  362. >Terragranda makes herself cosy on her throne again and sighs happily
  363. >"Now. I do enjoy having guests. Especially those from foreign lands. What can I do for you?"
  364. >Twilight clears her throat
  365. >"Well, we were sent to investigate this city! And might I add, that it's absolutely beautiful!"
  366. >Terragranda waves her hoof dismissively and smiles to herself
  367. >"Yes yes, I know. I did build it, after all."
  368. >Twilight cocks her head
  369. >"What do you mean?"
  370. >Terragranda laughs warmly
  371. >"Everything you see around you was built by me. From the pillars to the houses to the walls around them. I built all of it."
  372. >Twilight seems gobsmacked
  373. >"A-and how long did that take?!"
  374. >Terragranda ponders this for a second
  375. >"Ehh, a while."
  376. >Twilight's face shows that she's struggling to comprehend this.
  377. >"B-but... WHAT?!"
  378. >Terragranda taps her nose and chuckles
  379. >"Now now, my dear. A lady doesn't reveal her secrets"
  380. >Rarity twitches
  381. >The alicorn stretches out, making sure to give you a good look at her
  382. >It's like staring into a chasm of lard
  383. >"So. Since you are all my guests, I shall give you some rooms in the castle to stay in. I trust that this is appropriate?"
  384. >Twilight nods gleefully, returning to her normal ass-kissing ways when in the presence of royalty
  385. >"Absolutely! Thank you, your highness."
  386. >Terragranda rolls her eyes
  387. >"It's no problem, my dear Twilight Sparkle. We can always make room for guests around here."
  388. >She clops her hooves together
  389. >"I shall have an escort take you to your rooms."
  390. >On cue, a few guards trot in and begin to lead the group away through a door
  391. >You turn to follow them, only to have yourself stopped
  392. >Move your head slightly
  393. >Terragranda is stood right next to you
  394. >She smiles sweetly
  395. >"I'll be seeing you later, stud"
  396. >She waddles back to her throne as a guard appears to take you along to your room
  397. >You simply can't manage to say something witty.
  398. >She has you beat
  399. >The guard takes you down numerous corridors, each as finely crafted as the last, with plants climbing up the walls and the sun streaming through the windowless arches
  400. >Arrive at your room
  401. >The guard grunts and wanders off, clearly miffed that you interrupted his precious "stand around doing fuck all" time.
  402. >What kind of moron would willingly be a royal guard anyway?
  403. >Your leg twitches involuntarily
  404. >Enter your room and look around
  405. >First problem: The six ponies on your bed
  406. >They all look towards you when you enter
  407. >Rainbow Dash chortles and flies over to you, knocking your shoulder with a hoof
  408. >"Here he is! So, lover boy. What did the princess have to say to you?"
  409. Nothing. Now get off my bed, all of you. I have to sleep in that.
  410. >Twilight clears her throat
  411. >"Actually, Anon. There's been a change of plans regarding the rooms we're staying in."
  412. >Night-time rolls around faster than you expected
  413. >Glare at the ceiling
  414. >Look to your left
  415. >Applejack, Twilight and Rarity are sleeping on one side of you
  416. >Look to your right
  417. >Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy are sleeping on the other
  418. >Look at the ceiling again
  419. This fucking sucks
  420. >Fluttershy, who is latched onto your arm, stirs
  421. >"W-what's wrong, darling?"
  422. Never call me that again. And I can't sleep with this many horses in my bed!
  423. >"Ooh... You poor baby! Here, let me remedy you..."
  424. >She starts kissing your face
  425. >You can't move much due to the mass of pone on both sides of you
  426. >Manage to free your other arm, that Applejack was using as a pillow
  427. >Slap Fluttershy with it
  428. >She eeps
  429. >Twilight wakes up
  430. >"What's going on?"
  431. >"A-anon hit me!"
  432. I used necessary force to prevent a potential rape, you mean.
  433. >"I would never r-rape you, Anon..."
  434. You tied me up 4 weeks ago and beat with senseless with a riding crop. Consider it karma.
  435. >"But I thought you liked that!"
  436. Nigga you crazy-
  437. >Twilight reaches over the sleeping Applejack and mushes your face with a hoof
  438. >"Don't be mean, Anon. Get some sleep."
  439. But Fluttershy will-
  440. >"Fluttershy is harmless, Anon! She just wants to be friends!"
  441. >"Yeah, Anon! Don't be a douche!"
  442. Go back to sleep, Rainbow Dash
  443. >"No way! You all woke me up!"
  444. >Applejack snorts
  445. >This startles Rarity awake
  446. >"Whatever is the matter, darlings?"
  447. Stop saying 'Darling', for fucks sa-
  448. >"Anon won't stop harassing Fluttershy."
  449. Shut the fuck up, Rainbow. That's not what happened.
  450. >Rarity sits up and looks at you
  451. >"Then what is it, Anonymous?"
  452. Fluttershy was trying to fondle me. Again.
  453. >"Pish posh! Fluttershy would never do such a thing! She's too... Shy!"
  454. She's sucking on my chest right now, what are you, blind?
  455. >Pull Fluttershy off your right nipple, now bearing a large 'suck mark'
  456. >Fluttershy blushes
  457. >Applejack snorts again
  458. >Pinkie Pie appears from under the duvet between your legs
  459. >"Hiya, Anon!"
  460. The hell are you doing down there?
  461. >"Treasure hunting!"
  462. >She places a hoof on your crotch
  463. STOP THAT!
  464. >Twilight prods you again
  465. >"Don't be mean!"
  466. She's touching my junk!
  467. >"No she isn't!"
  468. >Pull up the covers to show Pinkie Pie prodding your junk and giggling
  469. >Fluttershy appears next to her and joins in, blushing furiously
  470. >"Uhh, they're just having fun! Let them!"
  471. Are you actually retarded?
  472. >"If you keep being mean, I'll give you a headache again"
  473. Try me.
  474. >She gives you a headache
  475. >The 5 awake ponies do a mad scramble to cover your mouth with as many pillows as they can to prevent you from screaming too loudly
  476. >Twilight whispers in your ear
  477. >"Are you done being mean?"
  478. I'll kill you the MOMENT these ponies get off me.
  479. >Only you don't actually say that. You've got a face full of pillow and have 4 other ponies weighing you down, as well as a pounding headache
  480. >So instead you let out a muffled "Yes" and nod
  481. >Twilight relieves you of your headache and snuggles up next to you
  482. >"Go to sleep, Anonymous..."
  483. >Grumble and shut your eyes
  484. >...
  485. >Open them again
  486. >Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are sleeping on various body parts. Rainbow on your chest, curling up like a sleeping cat
  487. >The pink one is lying on one of your arms, weighing it down, and Fluttershy is led between your legs with the side of her face resting on your junk
  488. >Sigh
  489. >At least Rarity didn-
  490. >"I'll just settle down here, darling. Is that alright with you?"
  491. >Rarity cuddles up on your other arm
  492. >Applejack snorts again
  493. >Slam your eyes shut and pray that you'll fall asleep
  494. >Hopefully you'll catch some kind of strange and deadly infection out here and die quickly.
  495. >Fucking ponies.
  496.  
  497. >Day Hospitality in Equestria
  498. >Wake up
  499. >Only Rainbow Dash is in the bed with you
  500. >She's still on your chest
  501. >Poke her snoozing face, eliciting an adorable little snort from her
  502. >You'd never tell her that she's adorable though
  503. >Stupid fucking rainbow horse
  504. Wake up, you lazy bum
  505. >She slaps you with a hoof and starts snoring louder, a smirk on her face as she pretends to sleep
  506. >Growl and pick her up, throwing her off the bed like an unwanted pet
  507. >"Ow! What the hay, Anon?!"
  508. Me hungry. You in way. You leave now. Me get dressed.
  509. >"Alright, monkey man. Whatever you say..."
  510. >She huffs and flies out of the room to find her friends.
  511. >Climb out of the massive bed
  512. >Find a bathroom
  513. >They somehow have flushing toilets here
  514. >That's... Not right.
  515. >Ponder the existence of the gleaming white porcelain seat for a moment before shrugging and placing your ass upon it
  516. >Finish and flush
  517. >Sparkling clean water rushes into it and washes the waste away
  518. >How.
  519. >Bend down and stroke the toilet bowl
  520. How do you exist, clean one?
  521. >It doesn't answer
  522. >You really need sustenance or else you'll pass out
  523. >Stand up and walk out of the en suite
  524. >Pick up your suit from the floor and put it on
  525. >Smells like ponies
  526. >Grimace and walk out the door, heading in the direction Rainbow Dash flew
  527. >After a short walk you find yourself in a grand hall
  528. >A table longer than your entire house back in Ponyville greets you
  529. >Holy shit
  530. >A metric ton of food is upon it
  531. >Stare at it, taking in the mountains of fruit, vegetables and cakes adorning the dark wooden table
  532. >The mane 6 are all sat around it, chatting and helping themselves to the platter before them
  533. >Pinkie Pie sees you enter and bounces over to you
  534. >"Morning, Nonny! All this food looks yummerific, right?! They even have cakes! I love cakes! Do you like cakes, Anon?"
  535. You know I love cakes. Now stop talking before I strangle you. I'm tired as hell and nothing is getting between me and that food.
  536. >Stomp past the smiling pink horse and towards the largest pile of grapes you've ever seen
  537. >Before you can grab them, a loud clear voice rings out
  538. >"Ah! My exotic friend. There you are!"
  539. >Gulp
  540. >Turn to see her majesty, the ever growing Terragranda, strolling over to you.
  541. >Her rolls are out in full force today
  542. >"Did you enjoy your rest, dear? That bed hasn't been used in quite some time..."
  543. >What is she-
  544. >OHMYGODYOUSLEPTINTHATTHING
  545. >Seize up and feel your eye twitch
  546. >Terragranda realises that you realised and grins in response
  547. >"Maybe we can get to know each other better later..."
  548. >She turns and walks to the largest seat, at the head of the table
  549. >Once seated, she smiles at you and motions for you to sit in the chair closest to her
  550. >Shake your head
  551. >A grape collides with the side of your head
  552. >Rub it and look sideways
  553. >Twilight is glaring at you
  554. >She jerks her head towards the princess
  555. >Scowl and walk over, taking your seat next to the massive monarch
  556. >May as well make conversation
  557. So, nice kingdom.
  558. >Terragranda smiles at you
  559. >"Thank you, Anonymous! It took me a while to think of it."
  560. >That's a weird thing to say
  561. >Grab a massive carrot off a nearby plate and munch on it
  562. >It's cold, crunchy and fresh. Perfect.
  563. >Lean back in your chair and enjoy your breakfast
  564. >Glance towards the princess
  565. >She's watching you intently, and leaning forwards a bit
  566. >Hold her gaze for a moment, slowly lifting the carrot to your mouth and biting off another chunk
  567. >She bites her lower lip at this
  568. Uhh, you okay, TG?
  569. >Hear Twilight groan further down the table
  570. >Terragranda composes herself and returns to showing her normal smile
  571. >"Simply fine, dear. I just enjoy watching you eat"
  572. >Well that was fucking creepy
  573. Uhhh-
  574. >"Shhh, it's okay, Anon."
  575. >She presses a hoof to your lips
  576. >It stinks of exotic perfume
  577. >Which actually smells kinda nice, but that's not the point. Not even Luna is this creepy
  578. >Terragranda stands up
  579. >"I have some business to attend to. Please, enjoy roaming the palace and the city as you will. You're welcome to stay as long as you need!"
  580. >She turns and walks away
  581. >"Maybe even forever if you want!"
  582. >She clearly wants the D
  583. >And you sure as hell aren't going to give it to her
  584. >Twilight watches the princess leave before running up to you
  585. >"Anon. I'm going to go and find a library, okay?"
  586. Al...right then?
  587. >She nods and bolts off towards the far end of the room and out the door
  588. >The rest of the ponies agree to meet back here at the end of the day, and set off out another door towards the palace exit
  589. >That leaves you alone
  590. >"A-anon?"
  591. >THAT LEAVES YOU ALONE.
  592. >"Anonymous? Look over here please!"
  593. >Ugh.
  594. >Begrudgingly move your head to behold Fluttershy in all her glory
  595. >Sticking your half eaten carrot inside herself
  596. >Scan the room
  597. >No guards. Just you and Fluttershy
  598. Fucking really, Fluttershy?
  599. >"D-do you want to finish eating it?"
  600. Hell no, you can keep it
  601. >Pick up a bunch of grapes and start eating them one by one
  602. >"Wait!"
  603. >Fluttershy moves into your path, hovering at chest height
  604. >"I want to show you something!"
  605. I'm not falling for that one again, Shy.
  606. >Last time she used that line, you got swallowed by a giant worm
  607. >"No! I swear that this time will be different! And it's nothing to do with your fetish... Unless you want me to guess it again... Do y-"
  608. Stop talking.
  609. >She does so
  610. >Rub your eyes
  611. So what is it then? I don't have all day.
  612. >She motions for you to follow her
  613. >Shake your head
  614. >She gives you puppy dog eyes
  615. >Roll yours and follow her, hands stuffed in your pockets
  616. >Fluttershy takes you to a small room near the bedroom you just slept in
  617. >She pushes open the door and looks left and right before walking inside
  618. >"Come on, Anonymous!"
  619. Ugh.
  620. >Follow her inside and shut the door behind you
  621. >Torches line the walls, illuminating the dank room in a soft orange glow
  622. >Crates of supplies and food indicate that this must be a store room
  623. What is it then? Any funny business and I'll put you in a crate and kick you off the palace roof
  624. >Fluttershy trots over to a crate and nudges open the top before reaching inside and pulling out something familiar
  625. >The lamp she dropped in the street.
  626. >Walk over and crouch down
  627. >Fluttershy gently places it on the floor and looks at you, a small smile on her face
  628. So uhh, it's a nice lamp?
  629. >"I got it from a strange pony in the bazaar. All he asked for it was a kiss on the cheek!"
  630. Whore
  631. >"Oh, I didn't give him a kiss. I hit him on the head with a vase and stole the lamp."
  632. >Woah.
  633. What. Why?
  634. >"Because I'm saving myself for you, silly!"
  635. >She smiles sweetly at you
  636. >Shuffle backwards a bit
  637. So why's it so important?
  638. >"Well the strange pony said that it can grant wishes, but so far all it's done is be useless..."
  639. The hell could you possibly want with something like this?
  640. >...
  641. Don't answer that.
  642. >Peer at the lamp, the orange glow around you reflecting off it's pristine surface
  643. What if we rubbed it?
  644. >"What?"
  645. Maybe if we rub it, a genie will come out and start granting wishes!
  646. >"...That's silly, Anonymous."
  647. Have you got a better idea?
  648. >"Umm... No..."
  649. >You pick up the lamp and rub it with your hand
  650. >A few seconds pass of nothing
  651. >Just before you give up, the thing shudders and falls to the floor with a clatter
  652. >Watch as it spins around on the floor, gaining speed and humming slightly
  653. >Stand up straight and step back, giving it a wide berth
  654. >The lamp glows red and begins to levitate
  655. >It floats up to your eye level and just sort of hovers there
  656. Uhh-
  657. >"SHUDDUP!"
  658. WOAH SHIT.
  659. >"I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M TRYING TO THINK HERE."
  660. Alright man, just don't hurt me.
  661. >"Pony up, you pussy."
  662. >Fluttershy cowers
  663. >"A-a-anon! I don't like this!"
  664. >The lamp turns to her
  665. >"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU LITTLE WORM"
  666. >It turns back to you, still floating in its little red aura
  667. >"Now, who the FUCK are you?!"
  668. Uhh, Anonymous. Who are you?
  669. >"I'm a lamp, genius."
  670. Just a lam-
  671. >"NOOOO!"
  672. >Jump a little bit
  673. >"I'M A BLOODY PONY TRAPPED INSIDE A LAMP!"
  674. >The lamp flies forwards and bashes you in the nose
  675. >Fluttershy lets out a startled cry
  676. >"Anon! Are you alright?!"
  677. >She flies up to the lamp and grabs it, glaring at it with full force
  678. >"You will NOT hurt my Anon, mister!"
  679. >The lamp is silent
  680. >"Worm. I will give you exactly four seconds to get your foul little hooves off me before I unleash a hell so violent upon you that you'll beg for death"
  681. >Fluttershy squeaks and drops the lamp again
  682. >It catches itself in the aura before it hits the floor and floats back up to you
  683. >"Right, now. Monkey boy. You seem to be the most advanced creature in this room. Let me guess, ponykind was eradicated by a hostile alien race and you're a grunt sent to pillage this place of it's natural resources?"
  684. ...No.
  685. >"Ehh. Fine. I don't care. In any case, I need to ask. Is the fatass still in charge?"
  686. Who, Terragranda?
  687. >"Aye. Terragranda... Who the fuck is Terragranda?"
  688. >Facepalm and give the talking floating magical foul mouthed lamp a flat look
  689. She's the alicorn princess in charge of this place.
  690. >"Is she fat and grey?"
  691. Yeah.
  692. >"Yeah, I know her. Listen, I need your help real quick"
  693. Shoot.
  694. >"We need to dethrone her. Preferably through death. I can supply the lasers, but you'll need to work with me if this is going to work."
  695. >Look past the lamp and at Fluttershy
  696. Did I get knocked unconscious? Is this a dream?
  697. >"N-no"
  698. >The lamp coughs
  699. >Somehow
  700. >"Uhh, actually. Technically, yes."
  701. You what.
  702. >Voices outside hit your ears
  703. >"I heard noises in here!"
  704. Shit.
  705. >The lamp floats closer to you, whispering
  706. >"Hide me! They can't find me here!"
  707. >You grab it and stuff it inside your shirt
  708. >It's really quite warm. For a lamp.
  709. >The store door flies open, and armed guards peer into the gloom
  710. >You and Fluttershy stare back
  711. >The guard grunts
  712. >"What are you two doing in here?"
  713. >Fluttershy leaps into your arms
  714. >"W-we're just consummating our love!"
  715. >Drop her
  716. We're just leaving.
  717. >Push past the guards and drag Fluttershy after you by her tail
  718. >Drag her into the bedroom and throw her onto the bed
  719. >She starts stammering and mumbling about it being her first time
  720. >Somehow, you doubt it
  721. >Slam the door shut and lock it, listening to the guards outside laugh about you as they walk away down the corridor
  722. >When you can't hear them anymore, you pull the lamp out of your shirt
  723. >It floats up again and turns to you
  724. >"Uuugh. You stink, monkey."
  725. You don't have a nose. How the fuck are you-
  726. >"Shut up."
  727. No, YOU shut up.
  728. >"Don't tell me to shut up, you asshole!"
  729. Mate, I will wreck you.
  730. >"Try me"
  731. You think I can't take a lamp? I once fucked up a chair something fierce
  732. >"You? Take down a chair? Don't make me laugh. You couldn't shatter piece of parchment."
  733. >You grab the lamp
  734. >It starts to heat up to unbearable temperatures almost immediately
  735. >"YOU REALLY WANNA DO THIS, PAL?"
  736. DAMN FUCKING STRAIGHT WE'RE DOING TH-
  737. >"ENOUGH!"
  738. >You both shut up and the lamp cools down again
  739. >Let go of it
  740. >Fluttershy is glaring at the both of you
  741. >"I've had enough of this behaviour from the both of you! I think you've both earned a time out. Now, mister lamp, I want you on one side of the room, and Anonymous I want you to strip naked and bend over the bed for a sp-EEEAAK"
  742. >She drops to the floor, completely limp
  743. >The lamp blows(?) smoke from its end
  744. Thank fuck for that.
  745. >"You're so dead, Monkey."
  746. Bring it.
  747.  
  748. >14 minutes later
  749. >Lay back on the bed, panting
  750. >Scratches and burns cover most of your body, and your suit is utterly ruined
  751. >The room itself is trashed, and some of it is on fire
  752. >The lamp has several large dents in it and is struggling to stay afloat in it's levitation aura
  753. >"Are... Are we done?"
  754. Yeah... You're alright, Lamp.
  755. >"You too, Anon... You too..."
  756. >The lamp drops on to the bed and lies there
  757. >Hear heavy breaths come from it
  758. So. What's the deal, then?
  759. >The lamp coughs
  760. >"Well... Where to begin. First of all, I'm Harold."
  761. Harold.
  762. >"Harold. I'm a pony. Or at least, I WAS."
  763. So what's wrong, Harold?
  764. >"I'M A FUCKING LAMP, YOU IMBECILE! WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WRONG?!"
  765. Alright! Alright! I meant why are you a lamp and why is your life currently shit?
  766. >Harold clears his 'throat' and begins what you can only imagine will be a long lecture
  767. >"Well, it was about two thousand years ago..."
  768. >"I was a unicorn from Equestria, a damn fine one at that. I was part of the Moonlight Order! Can you believe that?"
  769. I don't think it's around anymore.
  770. >"Bah. Well anyway, me and the wife were both part of the Order. And we were sent on an expedition to this very place in search of fragments of the era of Discord."
  771. Era of Discord?
  772. >"Aye. Horrible time, it was. Discord ruined the land, and it never fully recovered. Areas of land still hold chaotic magic. Highly dangerous and unpredictable stuff, it is. So me and the wife were tasked to find the magic out here"
  773. >"So we travelled this bloody desert for weeks. A unicorn of my calibre wasn't too miffed about it, I was at the point where I could summon my own water to keep myself going. The wife though..."
  774. >Harold sighs
  775. >"The wife was getting worn down by the endless sand and unbearable heat. She started seeing things. Wandering away from me while singing to herself and trying to eat sand."
  776. >"It was horrible to watch, really. So it was just as she was losing her mind that we actually found the chaos magic. Hell, it wasn't even a small amount. It was an entire wellspring of the stuff. A whole cavern full of volatile and untamed magic."
  777. >The lamp shudders
  778. >"So we plunged right into it and started trying to tame it. Things were going great until I realised that the wife wasn't actually taming it. She was absorbing it."
  779. >"Her madness had made her deaf to my words, and she was convinced that the magic could benefit her. How, I have no idea. But watching my own wife try to dabble in chaos magic was a heartbreaking thing to see."
  780. What did you do?
  781. >"The only thing I could. I tried to stop her. But she had gathered enough of the stuff to overpower me."
  782. >Harold begins to sound much more melancholy
  783. >"She absorbed it all, Anonymous. She took every last scrap of that magic and imbued it in her own body. And she wasn't ready for that kind of magical overload."
  784. What happened to her?
  785. >"Her mind, or rather, what was left of it, was shattered right then and there. She instantly began to change everything around her drastically, the entire cavern was turned into a giant water feature like the one back at home in Equestria."
  786. >Harold sniffs
  787. >"And then she turned me into a lamp."
  788. >You snicker
  789. >"Oy. It's not funny."
  790. It kinda is. I mean. A lamp? Really?
  791. >"Chaos magic is chaotic, Anonymous. It's very nature relies on improbability. I'm lucky I wasn't turned into a cat."
  792. >Harold grumbles
  793. >"I hate cats..."
  794. Then what happened?
  795. >"The worst part, that's what. See, since chaos magic is so... Unpredictable, I had no idea what was going to happen. It was just as likely that everything went back to normal as it was for the cavern to implode. But instead, something worse happened"
  796. >"She fell asleep."
  797. >...
  798. What.
  799. >"She's asleep, Anonymous. Have you noticed anything strange around here yet? Anything that just doesn't seem right?"
  800. >The lamp hops closer to you on the bed
  801. >"This isn't real, Anonymous. I'm not saying that you yourself are asleep now, but the moment you entered this city, you entered my wife's mind. "Terragranda" is her avatar. She's not an alicorn! She's a wonderful unicorn whom I miss so very very much. And she's lost in her own little world."
  802. >"She controls everything you see. She built this entire city in her mind. And she has been running it for two thousand years."
  803. Hang on a minute, Twilight said that this city hasn't been visited in hundreds of years! She said that Celestia knows about it!
  804. >Harold sighs
  805. >"Two thousand years is a long time to perfect the ultimate illusion, Anonymous. Tell me, how did you get here?"
  806. I got a mirage, then I was able to see the city.
  807. >"Right. A mirage is a psychological affliction brought on by extreme heat. The same thing my wife was suffering from at the time she lost her mind and created this place. Only the partially mad can enter this city, Anonymous. But each and every resident was hand crafted by my wife. Everything in it from its history to its culture to its caste system was formulated in the mind of an insane pony."
  808. >"It wouldn't be too hard to concoct a simple lie that this city is protected by a spell that shields it from harm. Something Celestia would understand completely..."
  809. >Harold pauses
  810. >"Hang on, Celestia is still alive?!"
  811. Uhh, yeah?
  812. >"Huh. She must be getting on in years."
  813. >Shake your head
  814. I don't get it, why didn't you tell us this the moment you woke up?
  815. >"I was cranky. And you're not the most pleasant thing to wake up to, Anon."
  816. >Makes sense.
  817. >You stare at the ceiling and think about what you were just told
  818. >So everything around you is a dream
  819. >The princess isn't an alicorn, and instead a pony so insane that she created her own world that was real enough to fool Celestia
  820. >And this same princess has the hots for you
  821. >Should you mention this to Harold?
  822. >...
  823. Your wife's trying to bang me
  824. >"Bitch."
  825. >Sit up
  826. So what's the plan? How do we do this?
  827. >"Well we can't hope to bring her down by just waltzing up to her and killing her"
  828. Why not?
  829. >"She's an alicorn"
  830. Alicorns aren't invincible. I once watched Princess Luna get a papercut.
  831. >"You're an idiot."
  832. >You pick up the lamp and inspect the damage you did to it
  833. Will you be okay?
  834. >"I'll be fine. Oh, and Anon?"
  835. Yeah?
  836. >"Her real name is Tickery. That's why I was confused when you called her Terragranda. She's never once called herself that before you arrived."
  837. You've been around for far too long, Harold.
  838. >"I know. I just want this nightmare to end."
  839. >You wake up Fluttershy and tell her the gist of everything that you had heard
  840. >She said that she knew all along
  841. >You called her a liar
  842. >She started crying and said that she thought that smart ponies were your fetish
  843. >Once you had all decided to find your friends before you proceeded any further, you headed out the bedroom, no longer concerned about the damage done to it
  844. >While you walk, you query Harold some more
  845. Hey, whatever happens to other travellers?
  846. >"They either lose themselves in the city, ending up as part of the construct, or they leave and go home with no memories of the place. It's all a distant dream to them."
  847. But Celestia would have remembered?
  848. >"I think Tickery was smart enough not to screw around with the mind of a pony that could bring her whole world crashing down upon her. So she left Celestia's memories intact. Though why Celestia hasn't come back here, I'll never know..."
  849. >You'll have to ask her that same question once you get back.
  850. >...IF you get back
  851. So what have you been doing these last two thousand years?
  852. >"Sat in a shop and been passed around like an ornament. It's pretty boring, getting placed on a shelf and never moving again, Anon."
  853. Why didn't you just try to stop her
  854. >"Because she doesn't know I'm here."
  855. Seriously?
  856. >"She may have created everything around her, but she doesn't directly control and see everything. She won't have any idea what the merchants at the bazaar are saying now. She just rules it. So I've been biding my time and waiting for a chance to strike. I thought I might have had the chance when Celestia was here, but I couldn't get close without raising suspicion."
  857. >He huffs
  858. >"After all, it's not every day a talking lamp tries to speak to you"
  859. >You think on what he said for a while.
  860. >Walk down the corridors of the palace with Fluttershy at your side and Harold nestled against your chest down your shirt
  861. >Something occurs to you
  862. Hey, Harold?
  863. >"Yeah?"
  864. Can you grant wishes?
  865. >"Ugh... No. That shopkeeper was a filthy liar."
  866. Damn.
  867. >Fluttershy hovers up near your chest and prods the lamp
  868. >"Umm, how do you know when a stallion likes you H-harold?"
  869. Are you seriously asking a lamp for romance tips, Fluttershy?
  870. >"I was just asking..."
  871. >Harold groans
  872. >"Is she always like this?"
  873. Oh yeah. Every day.
  874. >"Lady, you're nuts. Get a coltfriend."
  875. >"I-I'm trying..."
  876. >"Preferably one who's the same species as you."
  877. >"B-but I love him!"
  878. >They bicker for a while until you reach a large door with a book symbol over it
  879. Hey... Is this a library?
  880. >"Gee, I don't know. Is that a book symbol over the door?"
  881. Shut up.
  882. >"No, you."
  883. >You stroll inside and start looking for any purple unicorns
  884. >Find one under a mountain of tomes
  885. >She actually made a fort out of books
  886. >Your inner child squeals with delight
  887. >He is then crushed by years of cynicism and hatred
  888. >Nudge her cutie mark with a foot, causing her to yelp and slam the book she was reading shut
  889. >"Anon! Don't sneak up on my like that!"
  890. Whatcha reading?
  891. >"Nothing!"
  892. Whatever, listen, if I told you that all this is a dream and I found a magical talking lamp who is actually the two thousand year old husband of the fat alicorn princess running this place, who in turn is actually a unicorn who went mad with power, would you believe me?
  893. >"N-no?"
  894. Tough shit, because that's what's going on. Tell her, Harold
  895. >Reach up your shirt and pull out Harold
  896. >Throw him at Twilight
  897. >He stops himself just before he hits her face
  898. >"That was unnecessary, monkey."
  899. >Twilight gasps
  900. >"Oh my gosh! A magical artefact!"
  901. Keep it short, Harold. I don't have the patience for more exposition.
  902. >Harold proceeds to tell Twilight everything
  903. >You lean against a bookcase and tune out the noise
  904. >Feel something wet slide against your face
  905. >Fluttershy pulls away, her tongue sticking out
  906. >"You had dirt on your face..."
  907. >What did you do to deserve this?
  908. >One incredibly boring speech from Harold later, Twilight is up-to-date
  909. >"I KNEW there was something wrong with this place! Everything just seems too perfect! And the guards are all identical!"
  910. >That startled you
  911. >You think back to when you were found by the guards in the storeroom
  912. >Holy shit, they really WERE identical
  913. >Creepy
  914. >Twilight gets on her confident face and smiles at Harold
  915. >"So what now, sir? How can we stop this?"
  916. >Harold sighs
  917. >"By killing her. This entire city is a death trap, and unless we remove the thing causing this illusion, you, as well as all your friends, will be trapped forever."
  918. >Yesterday you might not have objected to such an idea, but Tickery scares the hell out of you, and you don't want to be trapped here with her for another thousand years
  919. >Tap the floating lamp
  920. So what's the plan? How do we kill her?
  921. >"No idea. I could shoot her with lasers, I guess. But I'm not sure that would work."
  922. >Twilight taps her chin with a hoof
  923. >"What if we tricked her?"
  924. What?
  925. >"What if we distracted her, then, I don't know, poisoned her dinner?"
  926. >You look at Harold
  927. >He floats there thoughtfully
  928. >How does one float "thoughtfully", you ask?
  929. >Who knows, but he's doing it.
  930. >"That's... Not a bad idea. And if all else fails, we shoot her with lasers."
  931. >Twilight nods
  932. >"Deal! I'll get to work searching these books for any poisons, Anon! Go get the rest of the girls! We have some planning to do!"
  933. >You nod and snap your fingers at Fluttershy
  934. Come on, you horny little fucker. Let's go find your friends.
  935. >To be honest, finding the other wasn't hard.
  936. >You found Rainbow Dash soaring over the city, whooping and hollering.
  937. >A small well aimed stone got her attention
  938. >And also sent her crashing into a cart full of lemons, much to the dismay of the lemon vendor, who threw horseshoes and produce at her.
  939. >Rarity was chatting with some upper class socialites near the palace, and was distraught when you scared off her admirers
  940. >She also didn't approve of you slinging her over your shoulder on your quest to find the next pony-
  941. >-Pinkie Pie. Who was slipping rubber balls under various boxes and rugs around the area
  942. >"What? They're in case of emergency!"
  943. >Fucking Pankao.
  944. Alright, so that's one, two, three, four- Ahh shit. We're still missing Applejack
  945. >Look towards Rainbow
  946. You know where Applejack went, Dash?
  947. >"Uhh, I think she went back to the bazaar"
  948. >Damn.
  949. >You grunt and set off jogging into the lower-caste area, the ponies around you becoming careless once more and not mindful of the towering creature running around the place
  950. >Turn a corner and find her sat against a building, looking dazed
  951. >Crouch down when you reach her
  952. Applejack? The hell happened?
  953. >She shakily raises a hoof
  954. >A half-eaten lemon rests on it
  955. >She looks up at you with tears in her eyes
  956. >"D-d'ya think I'm a traitor now, Ahnon?"
  957. Nah.
  958. >Slap the lemon out of her hoof and sling her over your other shoulder
  959. >"Hi, Rarity."
  960. >"Hello, Applejack. Fancy meeting you here!"
  961. >"Whut are we doin'?"
  962. >"I haven't the foggiest, dear."
  963. >With all the ponies gathered you set off back towards the palace in search of Twilight
  964. >You have some serious planning to do
  965.  
  966. >"Wait wait wait, so ya'll are tellin' me that this entire city isn't even real?!"
  967. >Twilight nods
  968. >"Yes, I'm afraid so"
  969. >Applejack turns her head slightly
  970. >"So those lemons weren't real?"
  971. >"Not exactly, no."
  972. >Applejack cheers and starts dancing around the library in a typical southern fashion
  973. >All you're missing is an empty jar of moonshine and this moment would be complete
  974. >Harold floats over to you
  975. >"Hello again, Anonymous. We found a poison we can use."
  976. For real?
  977. >"Aye. A nasty little bugger called Sufferant. Induces tremendous amounts of pain followed shortly by death. A tiny dose will kill a pony, a larger dose was enough to incapacitate Celestia for a week over two and a half thousand years ago, and a massive dose will outright kill a dragon. Luckily, this palace has literally everything, including a laboratory beneath it. No doubt it holds samples of poisons we can steal."
  978. Are you sure it will be there?
  979. >"Well, no. It's a gamble at best. But it's the best chance we have other than just running at Tickery all horns blazing."
  980. >You Grimace
  981. Will it be guarded?
  982. >"A few guards here and there. It's a store room more than anything else."
  983. >Look towards Rainbow Dash and Applejack, who cock their heads slightly
  984. I'll need you two then. Want to come and help me steal poison and maybe get in a few fights?
  985. >Both happily agree to theft and assault, and walk over to your side
  986. >Twilight levitates a book from a nearby pile and scans the pages
  987. >"I would normally help, but I need this to learn how to make the poison properly for maximum effectiveness. You three will have to go by yourselves while the rest of us stay here and keep watch."
  988. >Nod
  989. >Turn to leave for the laboratory
  990. >...
  991. >Turn back around
  992. Where... IS the lab?
  993. >"Alright, Anon. It should be down here."
  994. >You descend the stone steps on the steep winding stairwell
  995. >The sandstone walls are adorned with torches, giving the place the same glow and feel as the store room where you found Harold
  996. >Speaking of whom, he is once again stuffed down your shirt, which is now pristine again thanks to Rarity.
  997. >You reach the bottom and squint into the murky depths of the palace dungeons
  998. >Pluck a torch off the wall and motion for your 2 companions to follow
  999. >Rainbow puts on a tough girl approach and struts on ahead
  1000. Careful, Dash. We don't know exactly what's down here.
  1001. >"Relax, Anon. We can take anything thrown at us!"
  1002. >Harold mutters a retort at that
  1003. >"Pegasi aren't much use underground..."
  1004. >Thankfully, Rainbow didn't hear him.
  1005. >Applejack is silent, and nods when you glance at her
  1006. >You can rely on Applejack if things get hair
  1007. So where's the store going to be, Harold?
  1008. >"I'm not sure. There's no conceivable way of us knowing such a thing"
  1009. Why so sarcastic
  1010. >You look up
  1011. >A sign with "ARMOURY <--" and "LABORATORY -->" is visible in the torchlight
  1012. Oh.
  1013. >You veer right and begin to notice a chemical smell in the air
  1014. >Harold seems to sense it as well
  1015. >"Hm. Smells like sanitation chemicals. We're close."
  1016. Think there'll be anyone down here? Working, I mean
  1017. >"Not sure. I see no reason why not. Tickery would have made every last detail as realistic as possible in order to make the illusion more convincing"
  1018. >You run your hand along a wall, feeling the rough sandstone over your fingertips
  1019. I still can't believe that it's all fake.
  1020. >"Technically it is, technically it isn't. Remember that we're in a machination of her mind. You are actually inside her head, as am I. The only problem is that unlike most dreams, if you die, you'll just fade out of existence"
  1021. >You shudder
  1022. That's... Scary.
  1023. >"Such is the nature of chaos magic. But if we manage to kill the pony who created the dream, we should be ejected safely"
  1024. Should?
  1025. >"Oh, I'm sorry. I don't make a habit of being trapped in ponies minds. I'm not an expert on the subject of ethereal planes"
  1026. Uhh, sorry.
  1027. >Walk for a bit longer
  1028. Hey, if we kill her in the dream, won't she just wake up like the rest of us?
  1029. >"Nope. She's too far gone. She's lost inside her own world, if we kill her, it will be too much. Her brain will just shut down from the shock of being torn from a world it had convinced itself as real. As well as the magic keeping this place alive going through another fluxuation thanks to the host of the world being disrupted."
  1030. So she'll just die?
  1031. >"Yup"
  1032. ...I'm sorry, Harold.
  1033. >"It's fine. She's actually better off dead. Because then she'll be at peace. It's been too long, Anonymous. No one should live as long as Tickery and I have. We don't have the willpower of a real alicorn."
  1034. >Applejack stops you
  1035. >"Somethin' up ahead, Anon."
  1036. >You notice a door at the end of the corridor, a torch hanging next to it
  1037. >The door itself is slightly ajar, and you can hear voices coming from it
  1038. Guess this is it. Ready yourself.
  1039. >You pull Harold out of your shirt and he hovers next to your shoulder
  1040. >The 4 of you proceed slowly, edging towards the door trying not to make too much noise
  1041. >Once you reach the door, you stand to the side of it, Applejack and Rainbow Dash at the other side
  1042. >Poke your neck out and listen
  1043. >"...Are the samples ready?"
  1044. >"Of course! They'll be prepared for tomorrow. I'm so happy this research is getting off the ground!"
  1045. >"...Are the samples ready?"
  1046. >"Of course! They'll be prepared for tomorrow. I'm so happy this research is getting off the ground!"
  1047. >Pull your head back
  1048. The hell?
  1049. >Harold speaks quietly
  1050. >"Trapped in a loop. Tickery must have overlooked this part of the palace. It's not like anyone ever comes down here."
  1051. So they're... Unfinished?
  1052. >"Pretty much. Wait for my signal"
  1053. >Harold floats past your head and through the crack in the door
  1054. >You hear 2 quick "pew pew" noises, followed by the sounds of something heavy hitting the floor
  1055. >"Okay! All clear!"
  1056. >You, Rainbow and Applejack duck through the door
  1057. >Rainbow lets out a quiet "woah"
  1058. >The room is absolutely massive.
  1059. >Rows upon rows of glass tanks and crates line the place, lit by torchlight and various magical objects
  1060. Shit. This is gonna take a while.
  1061. >You all split up and set out to find the Sufferant samples
  1062. >Harold intensifies his glow, giving you more light to see in
  1063. >You scan the labels on the crates and tanks
  1064. >Irradiated water
  1065. >Tree saplings
  1066. >Minotaur horns
  1067. >Toxic plant life
  1068. >...
  1069. Think it will be in here?
  1070. >"Probably."
  1071. >You lift up the lid and use Harold to light the insides
  1072. >Several vials greet you, each with a large cork stuck in the end
  1073. >You pick a couple of them out and read them out, Harold doing the same via levitation
  1074. Nightmare Cress
  1075. >"Yuck yuck seeds"
  1076. Poison Joke
  1077. >"Onions of Catastrophe"
  1078. Necrosis Flowers
  1079. >"Sufferant"
  1080. Grea- Wait, what?
  1081. >Harold holds up a vial between you both
  1082. >It's stuffed with a vile looking black root
  1083. Is this it?
  1084. >"It matches the description in the book alright."
  1085. Will it be enough?
  1086. >"More than enough. Come on, let’s get out of here."
  1087. >You both head for the exit
  1088. >Applejack and Rainbow Dash join you shortly after
  1089. >AJ gallops up to you
  1090. >"Ahnon! Look what ah found!"
  1091. >She produces an apple and eats the whole thing
  1092. >Raise an eyebrow
  1093. Where did you find that?
  1094. >"In 'dangerous foreign fruits'. Can ya'll believe that?! Apples ain't dangerous!"
  1095. >She faints
  1096. >Stare at her on the floor
  1097. Think you can carry her, Rainbow?
  1098. >She sighs
  1099. >"Yeah, I got her."
  1100. >She hoists Applejack onto her back and you all exit the lab, making your way towards to stairwell
  1101. >Stuff Harold back into your shirt on the way up and pocket the vial of Sufferant
  1102. God, I hope this works.
  1103. >"I think... It's ready."
  1104. >You all stand around Twilight in the ruins of your bedroom
  1105. >The walls are still burnt black, and everything that wasn't nailed down upturned
  1106. >It took about an hour, but she finally managed to create a toxin so vile it actually hurts to look at
  1107. >You wince as the liquid bubbles, your eyes burning from the sight
  1108. >Twilight, her head encased in a little bubble, stirs the cauldron with a giant spoon that she stole from the kitchens while you were gone, along with the cauldron
  1109. >How, you're not sure
  1110. >She dips the vial into the liquid and brings it back up, firmly securing the cork at the top and wiping down the glass
  1111. >She then lets out a sigh of relief and hands it to you
  1112. >Weirdly enough, when inside the vial, the liquid is completely clear, like water.
  1113. >"There it is, Anon. A poison so powerful it could kill Celestia in a heartbeat. Now we just need to find a way to administer it"
  1114. We could poison her food?
  1115. >Harold clears his throat
  1116. >No seriously, how the hell does he keep doing that?
  1117. >"Actually, that won't work. She has food testers."
  1118. Fuck. Pour it in her drink?
  1119. >"Drink testers as well."
  1120. I could give it to her as a gift?
  1121. >"She also has gift testers"
  1122. God dammit. Then what do YOU recommend?!
  1123. >Harold is silent
  1124. >Actually, everyone is quiet
  1125. >They all slowly turn their heads to look at you
  1126. >Rainbow laughs nervously
  1127. >"Saaaay, Anon? Old buddy old pal?"
  1128. >Uh oh
  1129. >"Well... Terrag- I mean, uhh, Tickery kinda likes you... She might uh..."
  1130. >Rainbow stops talking, rubbing the back of her head awkwardly
  1131. >Rarity steps forward
  1132. >"What she's trying to say, darling, is that the princess is rather ah, 'smitten' by you."
  1133. >Gawp at her
  1134. >Harold speaks up
  1135. >"You even said that she wants you."
  1136. You can't all be serious
  1137. >Fluttershy pokes your leg
  1138. >Look down at her
  1139. >"Umm... I-is seducing overweight princesses your fetish?"
  1140. THIS IS EVERY FLAVOUR OF BULLSHIT UNDER THE SUN.
  1141. >"Don't be racist, Anon."
  1142. FUCK YOU, TWILIGHT.
  1143. >"Well no. You'll be 'fucking' her. Come on, it'll be easy! Just go in, say that you want to talk to her in private, put on the moves then slip her the poison!"
  1144. I'M NOT FUCKING A FAT CHICK
  1145. >"Not even to save your friends?"
  1146. ESPECIALLY NOT TO SAVE MY FRIENDS.
  1147. >You fume while the ponies try to persuade you
  1148. >Harold hovers next to your head
  1149. >"Put it this way, Anon. It'll be a tale to tell when you get back home!"
  1150. Even if I did do this, there's no way in hell I'm boning something that big.
  1151. >"You might not even have to bone her! Just get close enough to slip the poison down her throat! Hell, you're even bigger than she is! It'll be easy!"
  1152. This is bullshit.
  1153. >"Don't be racist."
  1154.  
  1155. >The next thing you know, you're outside the throne room doors.
  1156. >They promised you peace and quiet for the rest of your life and that they would never bring this up again if you did it.
  1157. >Plus they mentioned that if you did this, you would be free from this living hell and never have to worry about fucking an overweight alicorn ever again
  1158. >Glup and straighten your tie
  1159. >Push open the doors and stroll into the open hall that is the throne room
  1160. >The water features trickle gently and the frogs are still lazing about
  1161. >Terragranda, or "Tickery" is sat on her stone seat, the cushions underneath her almost completely hidden from view
  1162. >"Ahhh! My exotic friend! I knew you'd be back."
  1163. >She smiles and rubs her belly
  1164. >"They always are."
  1165. >Shudder
  1166. >Focus, Anon. This is where it gets ugly
  1167. >Walk up to the throne and stop at the steps leading up to it
  1168. Uhh, I just wanted to talk.
  1169. >She raises an eyebrow
  1170. In private.
  1171. >Her face stretches into a wide grin, and her eyes flash with hunger
  1172. >Gulp again
  1173. >"Sounds... Reasonable. Very well, follow me."
  1174. >She gets up off her throne and trots out a side door, motioning for you to follow her
  1175. >You follow her up a large staircase
  1176. >It goes on for a while, and all you can think about is how the fatpone before you can keep up the vigorous pace she's at
  1177. >You feel out of breath already
  1178. >Eventually you reach the top, and exit out into a luxurious room
  1179. >A huge bed, scented candles and lots of small red cushions dotted around greet you as you walk in
  1180. >Tickery walks over to the bed and lays down on it, beckoning with her hoof
  1181. >You reach up with a shaky hand and loosen your tie
  1182. >Sweat is forming on your head in anticipation of what you're about to do
  1183. >You slowly walk towards the bed, the alicorn upon it taking in your body the entire time
  1184. >She licks her lips
  1185. >"I've been waiting for this moment for a while now. I didn't think you'd take so long..."
  1186. >She giggles
  1187. >You reach the side of the bed and prepare to lie next to her
  1188. >She stops you as you lift your leg
  1189. >"Ah ah ah!"
  1190. >She motions to your clothes
  1191. >"Lose 'em, lover boy."
  1192. >You can hear your heart hammering against your chest, as if even it is in protest of what you're about to do
  1193. >Remove your tie, shirt, socks, shoes, and finally pants
  1194. >Tickery coos at the sight of you in underwear
  1195. >"Aaaaand lose them as well"
  1196. >She winks
  1197. >Fuck this world so hard
  1198. >Once you're completely naked, your 'partner' pats the area next to her
  1199. >Climb onto the bed and lie there, utterly rigid
  1200. >She traces a hoof up and down your chest
  1201. >"You're so tense! I'll loosen you up, dear..."
  1202. >She moves up and starts licking your face
  1203. >Her flat tongue leaves a trail of drool all over your cheek
  1204. >She follows it up by sloppily kissing you
  1205. >Not an inch of your face is left unmolested by her terrible kisses and pone-slobber
  1206. >Resist the urge to say "Eww" as loudly as you can
  1207. >Thankfully, your dick is on the same page as you and is currently trying to retreat further into your body
  1208. >The poor bastard won't be prepared for what's coming
  1209. >Tickery pulls back and pants heavily
  1210. >"Are you ready, lover?"
  1211. >HOLY SHIT. IDEA.
  1212. Wait, don't we need... Lube?
  1213. >She lies back and spreads her legs, revealing a soggy mess between her massive flanks
  1214. >You try not to choke
  1215. >"I'm already lubed up for you, baby. Ram it in there and make me scream."
  1216. >The smell hits your nostrils like a chlorine gas attack
  1217. >You can actually taste the smell
  1218. >And it's terrible.
  1219. >Like fish and dried hay.
  1220. >Roll over so that you are on top of her and start to think sexy thoughts in an effort to keep this going
  1221. >Your dick is having none of it
  1222. >"What's wrong?"
  1223. I, uhh, just a second.
  1224. >"Hmph. I didn't think this would be a problem. I AM the most beautiful creature here..."
  1225. >Yeah fucking right.
  1226. >"If you can't even get it up, then you can stop wasting my time. I'm a busy mare."
  1227. Oh FUCK THIS.
  1228. >"What?"
  1229. >Produce the vial
  1230. >"Where the hell did you get that?"
  1231. You don't wanna know
  1232. >Pop the cork and grab her face
  1233. >She starts struggling immediately
  1234. >A punch to the face dazes her, and her flailing legs threaten to knock you off, or worse, knock the vial
  1235. >But you ain't havin' none of that shit.
  1236. >You've come too far to fail
  1237. >You've had enough of this city
  1238. >AND YOU WANT TO GO HOME.
  1239. >Manhandle her face and shove the entire vial down her throat, slamming her lower jaw shut and holding her nostrils
  1240. >She swallows the entire vial, and looks up at you with a shocked face
  1241. >"H-how did you know that forced eating was my fetish?"
  1242. That's just gross, man.
  1243. >"I think I'm in love with y-"
  1244. >Her eyes roll back into her head and she starts frothing at the mouth
  1245. >You blink a few times
  1246. >Check her pulse
  1247. >Get off the bed and stand up, looking at the rigid alicorn on the bed
  1248. >You actually did it.
  1249. >You frown and shake your head
  1250. >Reach over and close her eyes, shut her mouth, and wipe her face of froth
  1251. >You stand in silence for a moment
  1252. You're at peace now, Tickery
  1253. >You look towards the door, and are shocked to see a stone wall staring back at you
  1254. >Not sandstone, though.
  1255. >Granite.
  1256. The hell?
  1257. >Spin around, the walls around you evaporating and being replaced with dark granite
  1258. What's going on?
  1259. >You look back at Tickery, and find that in her place, a small, plump unicorn with a grey coat and a green frizzy mane has taken her place
  1260. >You can hear water trickling somewhere
  1261. >The bed, furniture and cushions fade away, being replaced by cold, hard stone
  1262. >Finally, you look up at the ceiling, only to see a dark, stalegtite ridden cavern roof looming above
  1263. Where... Am I?
  1264. >"Anon? Anon is that you?"
  1265. >Your head snaps round
  1266. >Twilight and the rest of the gang are running up to you
  1267. >They look relieved
  1268. Uhh-
  1269. >"Anon! You did it! You saved us!"
  1270. Where the hell are we?
  1271. >"Harold said that this is the caves where it all started!"
  1272. Wait, the chaos magic caves?
  1273. >"Yup! Above us is the desert, and there should be an exit around here somewhere."
  1274. Woah woah woah, hold up. Where IS Harold?
  1275. >Twilight stops, and a sad look crosses her face
  1276. >She shares a glance with the rest of the group, then turns back to you
  1277. >"He never... Got a chance to say goodbye. You were hurried off so quickly that he forgot"
  1278. ...Is he gone?
  1279. >Twilight sighs
  1280. >"He was part of the 'construct' for 2000 years, Anon. He was a part of it, just like any other travellers that got trapped there before us. We're the only ones that made it."
  1281. >You all look down at the pony on the cavern floor
  1282. >Her mane is a mess, but she looks peaceful
  1283. >"So that's her... The pony that started all this. It's strange, really. She looks almost... Happy."
  1284. >You kneel down and stroke her face
  1285. She ought to be. She's free from that nightmare.
  1286. >Stand back up and give the group a solemn look
  1287. So. Shall we head off then?
  1288. >"Are we just going to leave her here?"
  1289. I can't really think of a more fitting tomb.
  1290. >You all silently head for the cavern's exit, none of you saying a word.
  1291. >When you reach the mouth of the cavern and look out over the seemingly endless desert, you decide to speak up
  1292. I'm completely naked
  1293. >Fluttershy immediately pops wings and starts blushing
  1294. >Rainbow Dash starts laughing
  1295. >Pinkie starts prodding your junk and giggling
  1296. >Twilight smiles and shakes her head
  1297. >Rarity does nothing, because she's clearly above the rest
  1298. >You scowl and look out across the sea of sand and heat
  1299. I am going to beat the shit out of Celestia.
  1300.  
  1301. The End.

[FLUTTERRAPE] Happy Birthday

by Nebulus

[FLUTTERRAPE] Science

by Nebulus

[ANON IN EQUESTRIA] Commando

by Nebulus

[FLUTTERRAPE] Three Anons One Pit

by Nebulus

[FLUTTERRAPE] Demon Swords and Dark Overlords

by Nebulus