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The Preservation of Innocence (Part 3)

By Wall-o-text
Created: 2022-12-24 01:37:45
Updated: 2022-12-24 02:59:53
Expiry: Never

  1. >after staying up absurdly late for multiple nights you’ve finished the entire book
  2. >you’ve noticed a few interesting key points
  3. >timberwolves can reassemble themselves though it doesn’t happen every time they are destroyed it’s still frequent to an extent
  4. >accounts of timberwolf removal throughout history show that the most common tactic was throwing something in their mouths as they couldn’t unlodge it themselves
  5. >once done this would cause timberwolves to fall apart
  6. >but on the off chance they would reform back together villages would burn certain essential parts of the timberwolves before it could form back together
  7. >usually the bundled-up vines that somewhat resemble essential organs
  8. >the reformation progress was decently quick, no measurement of time was given but it was described as being fast enough that burning them immediately was essential
  9. >after analyzing it thoroughly you had a rough idea of what to do
  10. >except there was one bit of information that stuck out to you
  11. >it often took the whole village to work together to throw all those rocks at the mouths of the large group of timber wolves
  12. >and some times many ponies got hurt in the process despite the large numbers
  13. >you have only yourself to rely on for this project
  14. >and if you told applejack or anyone else about it they would freak out and do everything to keep you from going through with it
  15. >ESPECIALLY applejack
  16. >besides you wouldn’t want to put them in harm's way
  17. >your first instinct is to sit up in a tree with a ton of rocks and just chuck em while the timber wolves surrounded you
  18. >but the timberwolves are far bigger than you and could probably reach you if they jump or even go up on their hind legs
  19. >fireworks probably couldn’t do much of anything
  20. >and from what you can tell from the book loud noises were used to scare them off so you can’t afford to be too loud
  21. >scaring them off sounds like an easy solution but like the book said that tactic didn’t work resulting in villages resorting to using rocks and all that
  22. >the timberwolves would just come back after some time on their own
  23. >it’s not a permanent solution
  24. >even culling them isn’t TECHNICALLY permanent but from what the book says they like to stay within their territory and only expand from the borders of their territory and never venture far outside of that
  25. >if you can cull the pack enough you could push them further back into the ever-free for years to come
  26. >well if carrying around tons of rocks and sitting up on a tree wouldn’t work what would?
  27. >does it only have to be in their mouths?
  28. >the rock-throwing method is pretty rudimentary
  29. >what if there was some other way?
  30. >for starters you have to make sure you don’t burn down the ever-free
  31. >meaning no reckless use of fire
  32. >what if instead of throwing something in their mouths you went straight for their vine bundles?
  33. >it could work
  34. >a spear maybe?
  35. >no
  36. >definitely a no
  37. >get yourself occupied by one of them they would surround you
  38. >arrows? Like a bow?
  39. >nah, too slow
  40. >plus you’re not likely to be a good shot with it
  41. >something like that takes training
  42. >although plenty quiet, best to put that to the side but not fully disregard it
  43. >a rifle?
  44. >no that-
  45. >it would definitely work…
  46. >but it’s too advanced
  47. >right?
  48. >it would be a challenge…
  49. >and if you solve this problem too fast it would get pretty boring around here…
  50. >and sure would be a lot safer than arrows
  51. >you’ll put that as your plan B for now
  52. >it’s definitely the most fun idea that’s for sure
  53. >but it could be impractical
  54. >hell where would you even get the stuff to make it
  55. >I mean sure you have black powder now but like aren’t bullets mass-produced in factories
  56. >so many tiny parts you can’t even begin to understand
  57. >at least with fireworks you were taught that stuff directly
  58. >you had plenty of background knowledge to work it out from the ground up
  59. >but this is a whole other level…
  60. >wouldn’t that make this even more interesting though?
  61. >okay you can at least start out with this
  62. >if a better idea comes along switch but for now project timberwolf hunter is a go
  63.  
  64. >nothing like a trip to the store to jog your mind
  65. >worked last time right?
  66. >on your way to the store you were full of thoughts
  67. >how would you even begin to understand where to start with this
  68. >you generally understand that a bullet works in the sense that an explosion happens it flies out
  69. >but how does it light?
  70. >with next to no idea where to begin you just hope the store gives you some ideas
  71. >the only thing you could find that might steer you in the right direction is a can of body spray and a lighter
  72. >you’re not sure how it could help but your gut instinct says it might at least generate ideas
  73. >you used to pretend you were using a flamethrower when you would light the body spray on fire when you were younger
  74. >not necessarily in the same category as a rifle but it could alleviate boredom while you think
  75. >besides maybe dismantling the lighter could give you some more ideas
  76.  
  77. >when you got home you immediately dismantled the lighter
  78. >well most of it, you aren’t an expert at dismantling so some of the metal was bent but it was good enough
  79. >looking at all the materials taken out gave you next to nothing in terms of ideas
  80. >just as you predicted, boredom came about
  81. >you began to play with the body spray and your spare lighter from the fireworks project
  82. >big tufts of flame spewed out amusing you slightly
  83. >then a funny idea came
  84. >you grabbed some of the spare black powder left over from the fireworks project
  85. >in hopes that it didn’t get contaminated you laid it out on a rock and started flaming it with body spray
  86. >lighting black powder on fire is pretty underwhelming
  87. >unlike the body spray
  88. >lighting that stuff up is tons more fun
  89. >unlike the body spray…
  90. >you’re starting to get something out of this…
  91. >with how unknowledgeable you are regarding bullets you might as well test this avenue first
  92.  
  93. >your first instinct is to head to the store and grab a few more cans of that spray
  94. >when you get back a few ideas pop into your mind
  95. >first you gotta dismantle one
  96. >second, if you’re out with timberwolves and something fucks up your gonna need a backup plan
  97. >that means a firecracker and one of the cans
  98. >if the book said pots and pans clanking can scare away timber wolves this shit will give em trauma
  99. >third
  100. >how in the hell are you gonna make everything else
  101. >there’s gotta be a hardware store or something
  102. >best bet is to casually ask applejack where she gets her tools
  103. >a place like that would have a decent selection
  104.  
  105. >you make your way downstairs
  106. >it seems applejack is reading some papers
  107. >whether it’s the newspaper or something else you can’t tell
  108. >but that’s not important
  109. >okay just act casual
  110. “Hey applejack where do you get your tools from?”
  111. “Like is it a store or something?”
  112. >way too direct arguably retarded
  113. >”naw, we just get em from the blacksmith guy”
  114. >”why, you need somethin’?”
  115. “Nah, I was just curious”
  116. >no suspicion, perfect
  117. >a blacksmith?
  118. >hmm
  119. >that could be a blessing and a curse
  120. >good because your range of options is split WIDE open
  121. >bad because it means you would have to be really specific and know your shit to ask for what you want
  122. >sure, you don’t have to literally make it yourself
  123. >but if it’s something custom then you would need to come up with the measurements all on your own
  124. >and you know damn well you’re going to be running through prototypes like a madman
  125. >this is gonna get expensive quickly
  126. >but you’ve got the funds saved up
  127.  
  128.  
  129. >before anything you needed to see what your options were
  130. >you made your way through the center of ponyville
  131. >you asked a pony where the blacksmith was and they pointed you in the right direction
  132. >upon entering you saw a lone blacksmith hammering at a bright piece of metal
  133. >took you a moment, but you worked up the courage to interrupt him
  134. “Um, excuse me”
  135. >he turns his head slightly eyes still focused on the work
  136. >”yeah, yeah, whaddya need?”
  137. “I was just wondering if you could make custom parts”
  138. “You know, like, out of metal n stuff”
  139. >he thinks to himself for a moment
  140. >”are you one of them ‘special folk’?”
  141. >oh god damn it
  142. >”look, buddy, that’s all we do here alright”
  143. >”if you got something ya need gimme a design and ill do it”
  144. >before you make your way back home you notice he pumps this bag causing a bed of coals to burn brightly
  145. “hey, what’s that you're doing right there?”
  146. >he does the same thing as before eyes focused on the project
  147. >”look kid you know how fire works?”
  148. “Uh, not really”
  149. >he sighs
  150. >”look, fire is hot, more air means more hot got it?”
  151. >”I’m pumping air into the burnin’ coals and it gets hotter alright”
  152. >”now if you-”
  153. >he finally turns to look at you
  154. >”no way, you’re that new guy”
  155. “Yeah that’s m-”
  156. >”the uh, what is it, biped right?”
  157. >ffuuuuuUUUUUUUCCCKKING RAINBOW
  158. >you let out a strong breath through your nose
  159. “Yes, that’s me…”
  160. >”HA, no wonder you were askin’ so many questions”
  161. >”so what can I do ya for?”
  162. “At the moment nothing really, I just wanted to check and see if you did custom stuff”
  163. “I’ll probably be back quite a few times”
  164. >his face lightens up with a smile
  165. >”alright, just make sure to have the proper measurements for your designs”
  166. >”and draw it out good, none of that sloppy stuff okay?”
  167. “Got it, thanks”
  168. >more air means more hot
  169. >despite being such a simple explanation, it’s swarming your brain with ideas
  170.  
  171. >2 months
  172. >2 fucking miserable months
  173. >well, miserable isn’t the right word
  174. >the frustration of the project was almost fun in a way
  175. >almost
  176. >surprisingly the first week was the easiest
  177. >there were two ideas you had
  178. >conventional bullets or combustion
  179. >and boy did your bullets fucking suck
  180. >not only was it difficult to make but the hassle of dealing with the casing afterward was brutal
  181. >on multiple occasions the casing would stay inside and fuck everything up after firing
  182. >and that’s not even to mention how difficult it was to figure out out to light the powder inside
  183. >with all that happening you just gave up on the idea of conventional ammo
  184. >the good news was you had an idea on the back burner
  185. >and boy did it work
  186. >originally you thought it would be as simple as hooking up a fuel source to the chamber of the gun and pulling the trigger to spark it all
  187. >but it wasn’t enough
  188. >of course you remembered to add some air to it
  189. >thank god Fluttershy asked you to water her plants
  190. >her little pressured water sprayer thing gave you the idea
  191. >thought it ended up making the final design look a little, funky, it sure as hell worked
  192. >being able to pressurize the fuel and air mixtures made it far easier
  193. >the only bad part was you originally underestimated the amount of fuel and air needed
  194. >after endless frustration you increased the chamber size to an absurd amount just to see if it would even be strong enough
  195. >it was amusing to watch the trial runs at least
  196. >thank god you watched that old video about suppressors a few weeks before you got to Equestria
  197. >you only watched it out of boredom but boy did that information come in handy
  198. >your ears were thanking you
  199. >of course, naturally distrusting your prototypes you would pull the trigger from afar with a string
  200. >the boulder you had the rifle tied down to flipped over due to the recoil
  201. >that thing would have broken your shoulder for sure
  202. >it worked and it worked a little too well
  203. >the little steel ball you had inside, shot straight through the tree
  204. >you better hope applebloom doesn’t notice if she ever wanders through the ever-free forest again
  205. With confirmation that it was possible, you kept tweaking the design for the rifle
  206. >near the end you made lots of little improvements making it either look nicer or function better
  207. >hell you even found out that the recoil can be used to repressurize the thing when you didn’t have the strength to pump it anymore
  208. >by turning the pump into the stock and moving the chamber to a more convenient spot you made the repressurization process almost automated
  209. >with a smaller than normal stock you can pull the pump out o a comfortable length and it stays put due to the pressure in the chamber, when you shoot the power from the recoil pumps it down on its own
  210. >and with some spring magic reloading is a breeze
  211. >conventional ammunition be damned, without needing a case, the rifle fits an absurd amount of ammunition under the barrel
  212. >springs do the reloading stuff and the fuel and air make the steel ball launch
  213. >the good news is you haven’t found a real big difference in the fuel types you use
  214. >oils are all essentially the same but probably nothing compared to the higher quality fuels you could have had on earth
  215. >although alcohol, which was already an inconvenient fuel source wasn’t as great
  216. >this thing had a few bad traits like how heavy it was, though you didn’t have an authentic firearm to compare it too
  217. >it looked a bit wonky but you can fix that later
  218. >one major downside is the soot buildup
  219. >go without cleaning for too long and it will jam
  220. >funny thing is, your safety switch on the gun doesn’t prevent firing
  221. >it just prevents reloading
  222. >so when you go to clean it you switch on the safety and pop the last round through the ground so you can reach your cleaning stick all the way back to get the soot out
  223. >with everything in order the only things left to do were durability test and add some decals
  224. >the durability testing didn’t last real long
  225. >of course, without anything flammable or explosive inside, you beat the shit out of it against a rock and did loads of other savageries to your glorious invention
  226. >with its necessary components confirmed to be absurdly durable you could finalize the project
  227. >”man am I going to miss getting business from you”
  228. >the blacksmith guy always had the biggest shit-eating grin whenever you walked in
  229. >”so what’s the final design?”
  230. >you quietly showed him the design
  231. >”ahhh, fancy, an engraving too?”
  232. “Eyup!”
  233. >”well, I’ll make sure to do you proud with these last parts”
  234. >and ever since then you’ve had your very own rifle
  235. >it wasn’t until you were staring in awe at the final model that you realized something was off
  236. >Wolf fucker 3000
  237. >you know, it didn’t come out like you had in your head but it’s got character in its own way
  238. >but the combination of fatigue and shrunken money pool urged you to leave it as is
  239. >and with the fuel efficiency of this combined with the absurd ammo capacity you could spend days in the ever-free without anything besides your fully loaded rifle and some food
  240. >oh yeah
  241. >the whole point of the project was to go to the ever-free and go
  242. >well
  243. >time fuck up some timber wolves
  244. >UUGGGGHHHH but I reallllllyyy don’t wannnaaaaa
  245. >your already over the fact of what happened with the timber wolves
  246. >honestly the whole project started mostly because you were over reacting
  247. >plus it’s probably dangerous and all
  248. >okay you can procrastinate a LITTLE, but then you gotta go next thing tomorrow
  249. >no the day after tomorrow
  250.  
  251. >with the next morning at hand you make your way to rarity’s place
  252. >you’ve got an idea
  253. >a nerdy one but an idea nonetheless
  254.  
  255. >you knock on rarity’s door
  256. >”come in!”
  257. >as you enter you see rarity working her hooves to the bone
  258. >”sorry, I've been busy all week, I’ve got this insane order for the SAME EXACT OUTFIT hundreds of times over”
  259. >”but don’t worry darling I can easily fit in whatever you need, as long as it isn’t another large order”
  260. >she looks over to you and her eyes widen
  261. >”GOODNESS, anon, I haven’t seen you in ages, how have you been?”
  262. “I’m alright, so, you sure you can fit in another order?”
  263. >”as long as it’s a small one I can definitely still hit my deadline”
  264. “Alright well take a look at this”
  265. >you hand rarity a crudely drawn image of the outfit you had in mind, colors labeled where necessary and everything
  266. >she gives it an odd look
  267. >”well, it’s certainly… out there…”
  268. >”but I can easily get something like this done as long as it’s only a single outfit”
  269. “Of course, how much for it?”
  270. >”don’t you speak another word, you’re still wearing those same clothes you came here with”
  271. >”I would be honored to finally give you something, er, proper isn’t the right word”
  272. >”but I would be honored to give you your first piece of HIGH-QUALITY clothing”
  273. >”no payment necessary darling, just let me get those measurements and I’ll be on it before you know it”
  274. >”besides, I'm quite late on the whole welcoming gift thing aren’t I?”
  275. >with that settled rarity takes your measurements and your off to enjoy the rest of your day
  276.  
  277. >when you wake up the next day you go off to organize everything for the ‘camping trip’
  278. >at least that’s what you’re going to tell applejack
  279. >with your little invention stowed away just near the entrance of the ever-free you won’t have to worry about applejack or anyone else seeing it
  280. >just as you finish packing there’s a knock on the door
  281. >it’s rarity and she’s not looking so well
  282. >”hah, hah, special… delivery… for… anon…”
  283. >she’s holding your outfit you requested
  284. “Rarity im so sorry, you didn’t have to deliver it yourself especially with how busy you are”
  285. >she continues panting
  286. >”nonsense… here… take… GOODBYE”
  287. >and with that, she’s off
  288. >taking your outfit upstairs you go to try it on
  289. >you absolutely LOVE IT
  290. >definitely fits your tastes
  291. >it is your design after all
  292. >well, YOUR design isn’t the right wording for it
  293. >more of an earth thing
  294. >after that’s settled you take care of the remaining things before you make your way out
  295. >”’non are you absolutely sure this is a good idea?”
  296. “Yes, AJ, I'm sure”
  297. >”look, I believe you're a smart fella, but just make sure you don’t go too deep into those woods alright?”
  298. >”you’ve already got a history with timber wolves”
  299. >damn right
  300. >”and I just, I want you to be safe okay?”
  301. >”if anything happens you just run and yell for help ill be there as quick as I can okay?”
  302. “Alright alright, don’t worry about me so much i’ll be perfectly fine”
  303. >”if you say so, but don’t feel bad if you wanna come back home for sleeping and all”
  304. >”there ain’t no shame in it and I can make you somethin’ nice and warm too”
  305. >there’s that applejack you love so much
  306. >just fucking go already or your gonna want to stay too much
  307. “Alright, I’ll see you in a three days”
  308. >”THREE DAYS??? I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA-”
  309. >and you're off…
  310.  
  311. >with everything packed and settled you slowly make your way deeper into the ever-free forest
  312. >always watching your surroundings
  313. >you can’t risk being so deep that you get yourself in a bad situation
  314. >at certain points you stop and wait to see if anything lurks around
  315. >you listen quietly
  316. >nothing yet
  317. >you continue on until you hear something
  318. >a crunching in the distance
  319. >you stop in your tracks and prepare for anything sudden
  320. >nothing again…
  321. >but you know for sure you heard something
  322. >and so you continue to wait
  323.  
  324. >https://youtu.be/-nJ9tGTdBnY (cool, calm, and collected)
  325.  
  326. >after waiting some time you see something move in the distance
  327. >that’s a timber wolf, no doubt about it
  328. >though you never did a proper range test for your rifle you figured with the distance between it and yourself you might as well try
  329. >you take a good breath before taking the shot
  330. >cool, calm and collected
  331. >just as soon as you pull the trigger it’s already over
  332. >you first timberwolf gone
  333. >your forward thinking means you won’t have to run up and burn or destroy a single part of the left over timberwolf
  334. >your rifle takes care of that for you
  335. >with patience a you notice a few more lurking around
  336. >the experience was different than you expected
  337. >the muffled shots were about the loudest thing you heard all day
  338. >each and every one of them collapse the moment their hit
  339. >seems your rifle was a bit overkill
  340. >nothing about it bothers you
  341. >it only serves to fill you with silent accomplishment
  342. >the hours went on as you kept up the pace
  343. >there wasn’t any need to move as they kept funneling towards you clueless
  344. >oddly, they never seemed to react when the other timber wolves fell apart
  345. >besides a mild reaction to the noise they wouldn’t hesitate to step over the left over remains
  346. >with this much work being done you should be able to set back the timber wolf population for decades
  347. >that is if you wanted too
  348. >if there’s one thing you know it’s that you shouldn’t fuck with the ecosystem too much
  349. >but timberwolves are an exception
  350. >even if it upsets some sort of environmental balance the ever-free forest looks wretched as it is
  351. >not much loss there
  352. >with all the work you’ve gotten done you could probably head home early and still consider it a complete success
  353. >it does get quite boring after a while
  354. >you aim gets better but the excitement of watching them fall to pieces wore off a few hours back
  355. >your plan is to stay until an hour or two after dark and then head home
  356. >the book said that timber wolves are only stay up late when they haven’t had a meal for too long
  357. >another good reason too stay up late
  358. >you could see whether the population is eating enough in the ever-free or if it’s desperate enough to wander outside
  359. >with the night hours reigning in you see next to no timberwolves
  360. >a single straggler and that was it
  361. >you’ve lost count of how many you’ve watched turn to dead wood
  362. >the hours blend together after a while
  363. >and when they blend so does your memory
  364. >it doesn’t feel like you’ve done much but the timber piles imply otherwise
  365. >you’ve gotten more done today than you expected for the whole 3 days planned
  366. >with a surprisingly calm success you make your way home
  367.  
  368. >you stow your rifle back into it’s place in case this isn’t your last trip into the ever-free for something like this
  369. >as you quietly make your way back inside you see applejack nodding off and waking herself up repetitivly
  370. >somewhere between this cycle she notices you and perks up
  371. >”uh, AH, ANON!”
  372. >she makes her way up to you and rubs her face against your leg
  373. >”oh, ah-non, I was so worried about you”
  374. >despite her hushed tone you can still sense some kind of urgency in her voice
  375. “AJ, what’s going on, why are you up so late?”
  376. >she faces towards you with her eyes half closed
  377. >”ah just, you were out there so long and if yah called for help I needed to be ready”
  378. >sometimes you worry about applejack
  379. >she’s already been staying up so late the only thing you can do now is get her some rest
  380. “Come on AJ, lets get you to bed”
  381. >she hardly even responds as you pick her up gently
  382. >as you make your way into her room you can hear her tiny breaths
  383. >she is completely asleep in your arms
  384. >as you slowly lay her onto her bed she seems to fill with panic
  385. >her breathing escalates as when you slowly let go of her
  386. >before you leave the room you notice her eye lids tighten
  387. >you can’t leave her like this
  388. >you wake her up in hopes that her nightmare ends
  389. >she shoots up looking around and notices you by her bedside
  390. >in her exhausted state she speaks softly
  391. >”anon, i was so scared you were all alone and i was so worried”
  392. >”i don’t want you ever leaving like that again”
  393. >you feel awful
  394. >you haven’t considered how applejack felt
  395. >you were so focused that you overlooked how applejack would have felt about all this
  396. “AJ, i’m so sorry”
  397. >she faces towards you with her eyes kept closed
  398. >”I missed you so much, i couldn’t stop thinking about what might happen to you”
  399. >”why”
  400. >tears ran down her muzzle
  401. >”why would you go off like that?”
  402. >you had no idea how much it hurt her to see you go
  403. “AJ, i promise i’ll never run off like that again okay?”
  404. >her quiet sniffles continued
  405. >”I need you to stay here”
  406. >”i can’t let you sleep in your own room no more”
  407. >you stayed silent for a moment
  408. >”I can’t stand the idea of having you out of my line of sight”
  409. >”it hurts so much when I can’t tell where you are”
  410. >”anon, from now on, you sleep in my room okay?”
  411. >at this point there’s no backing out
  412. >not that you wanted too, but you were worried she would change her mind
  413. >you would hate to make applejack feel distressed if you agreed to a deal she didn’t remember making
  414. >and yet it was an offer you would never refuse
  415. “Alright AJ, but you have to promise me your comfortable with this”
  416. >she starts to cry
  417. >”it’s the only way i CAN be comfortable”
  418. >she says through sniffles and tears
  419. >she’s on the verge of a full breakdown
  420. >instinctivly, you wrap your arms around her
  421. “I promise i’ll stay right by your side okay”
  422. “I won’t go anywhere”
  423. >she calms down suddenly and opens her eys a little
  424. >you crawl into bed with her and wrap the covers around yourselves
  425. >even with your clothes still on everything about this feels natural
  426. >for the first second you looked into your eyes
  427. >once she noticed how close you were she leaped into your arms and rubbed her face all over you
  428. >it was adorable
  429. >once she finished bathing in your warmth she scooched up to rub her face against yours
  430. >you were overwhelmed with joy
  431. >while she went on with it she started sobbing
  432. >”anon, please promise me to never put yourself in danger like that again”
  433. >if she knew exactly what you were doing out there you’re sure she would never let you leave the house again
  434. “It was just a little camping trip AJ, it’s nothing to worry about”
  435. >”all on your own???”
  436. >”ah should have never let you go in the first place”
  437. >she kept nuzzling against you
  438. >she began to calm down
  439. >”how come you came back so early?”
  440. >”i thought you were going to be gone for three days?”
  441. >in truth you really didn’t want to be out there for a full three days
  442. >and with how overwhelmingly successful it was in such a short amount of time you decided to head home
  443. “Well, i guess i got a little homesick is all”
  444. >her words became less and less coherent
  445. >”i was so worried”
  446. >”i was so scared i would never see you again”
  447. >”you mean so much to me i couldn’t stand knowing you were alone out there”
  448. >she went on and on as her words began to get softer until it became quiet
  449. >she had fallen asleep nuzzled directly into your face
  450. >you were in heaven
  451. >you vowed never to distress applejack like that again
  452. >what you’ve been doing has been hurting her
  453. >you hate to see her so upset
  454. >to stay up so late and refuse herself any sleep just because you weren’t within an arms reach
  455. >you can’t imagine the pain you’ve caused her
  456. >you promise to always do as she says
  457. >her comfort matters more than anything to you
  458.  
  459. >sometimes you think you’re just selfish
  460. >you stay awake as long as you can to bask in the feeling of applejack pressed against you
  461. >you feel like you’ve taken advantage of her worry to get her to coddle you more
  462. >sure, it wasn’t your original intention, but hearing her words of concern for you is addicting
  463. >maybe you just lacked it so much before that it’s become like a drug to you
  464. >you feel just awful
  465. >applejack has been suffering and throughout all this, you’re relishing in her kindness
  466. >maybe you’re just emotionally confused
  467. >you love her
  468. >dammit you love her too much
  469. >you wish you could be tied to her somehow and never have a moment to yourself
  470. >this isn’t love
  471. >there’s something wrong with you
  472. >applejack is the most caring pony in the world and you’ve done nothing but take advantage of her kindness
  473. >you’ve done exactly what you told yourself you wouldn’t do
  474. >you feel downright horrible
  475. >even now you’re tempted to sneak a kiss while she’s asleep
  476. >you feel bitter
  477. >everything you’ve ever wanted is right in front of you
  478. >but if you have it you’re a monster
  479. >maybe you’re overreacting
  480. >but you know this is how you feel and that guilt is stuck with you
  481. >looking back to your so-called ‘camping trip’ as you told applejack
  482. >if you’re being honest with yourself it could have gone far worse
  483. >what if you were surrounded?
  484. >would you have had time to get up off the ground, light that firecracker, and tossed the can in time?
  485. >maybe you were in a lot more danger than you thought
  486. >maybe applejack was right
  487. >you should be more careful
  488. >applejack
  489. >you're so desperate for her
  490. >it’s pathetic
  491. >she’s right
  492. >you’re sensitive
  493. >but sensitive is an understatement
  494. >you’re beyond that
  495. >you’re needy
  496. >you feel so desperate for her that it hurts
  497. >and in your carelessness, all you’ve done is bring her pain
  498. >she’s been suffering for hours on end worrying about you
  499. >she’s so caring about you
  500. >but this…
  501. >this desperation is a whole other level
  502. >it’s something your not even sure applejack would cater too
  503. >she would find it repulsive
  504. >it hurts so much
  505. >even if she reciprocated and took care of you in the sweetest of ways you’re worried that in the end it would do nothing but bring her down
  506. >to constantly have to give you reassurance and to be so astoundingly patient with you
  507. >you don’t deserve someone like applejack
  508. >but that’s the least of it
  509. >all that effort needed to build you up emotionally from where you are now would surely weigh her down in the long run
  510. >applejack’s nightmare is over with you at home, but you’re in a nightmare of your own
  511. >maybe you’re overreacting again
  512. >but the guilt you have is so real
  513. >not even guilt
  514. >it’s something new all on its own
  515. >it’s a searing pain
  516. >and you can’t make any sense of it
  517. >applejack clearly cares for you
  518. >you’ve never felt so deeply filled with care until you met her
  519. >it can’t be nothing
  520. >she really does care for you
  521. >and she has been taking care of you in ways you never even knew you wanted
  522. >she has no idea how much more you need

The Preservation of Innocence (Part 1)

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The Preservation of Innocence (Part 2)

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The Preservation of Innocence (Part 3)

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The Preservation of Innocence (Part 4)

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The Preservation of Innocence (Part 5)

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