[REQUEST] Anonymous - Castle Capers


                                            Originally uploaded to Pastebin: September 25th, 2013

                                            ---


                                            Anonymous:   "wow, I'm looking forward to it. If you can, write something about Celestia/Luna please. Posting stories is fine too though. Good luck man!"


                                            Me:  "Sure. I'll write a Celestia and Luna fic just for you.  <3"


                                            Here's to you, Anon. I'm glad you ended up liking it.


                                            ---


                                            >"Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle."

                                            >You promptly spray cider all over the table.

                                            >"You are hearby invited to an informal get-together with her royal highness Princess Celestia of Equestria and her sister, the venerable Princess Luna, guardian of the Dreamscape, on November the 21st until an undetermined date."

                                            >Stare in shock at the alicorn reading before you.

                                            >"This invitation is also extended to the unofficial ambassador of the Human Race, Anonymous."

                                            >"Yours faithfully, Canterlot Castle Community Kenter."

                                            >Twilight beams at you from across the table in the library's kitchen while you stare at her in shock, cider dripping from your slack-jawed mouth.

                                            >"Isn't that great, Anon? We get to go to Canterlot together!"

                                            "WHEN THE FUCK DID THEY MAKE YOU A PRINCESS?"


                                            >"I honestly don't know why you're so upset, Anon. It's a perfectly normal thing to happen."

                                            "Alright, real talk, the whole 'growing wings overnight' thing I can handle. The stupid things taking up my side of the bed? Yeah, okay. But when in the nine months you've been an alicorn did you become a member of the royal family?"

                                            >Twilight frowns at you as you both take your seats on the train.

                                            >It's been a week since the letter was burped onto the table by Spike, and you still can't believe they had the audacity to make her a princess.

                                            >"Anon, when I became an alicorn, there was a coronation the next day! Don't you remember any of that?"

                                            "Nope. Not a bit. I just remember waking up next to you and the air smelling of confused yet slightly angry passion."

                                            >Twilight blushes.

                                            >"Well you -did- drink a lot... Actually, come to think of it, I think you spent a good portion of the night drinking as much as you could."

                                            "Well past-me had the right idea. Speaking of which, I need a drink."

                                            >"No, Anon. Sit still."

                                            >You do so, grumbling.

                                            >She smiles timidly at you.

                                            >"There's at least some good news!"

                                            >You glare at her.

                                            >Then your expression softens.

                                            "It's our one year anniversary, isn't it?"

                                            >She nods, her eyes sparkling in the sunlight streaming through the window of the train.

                                            >"So I'm sure we can celebrate in our own little way once we're there. Besides, it's only a few days."

                                            "I'm not worried about how long we'll be there, Twi. I'm just mad they made you a princess."

                                            >"Oh come on, it's not that bad! Surely you've noticed the increased number of royally-sealed letters coming through the mail!"

                                            >You did.

                                            >Poor Spike.

                                            "You and Celestia are good friends. I thought you'd found an interesting topic to discuss."

                                            >Twilight waves her hoof dismissively.

                                            >"It's royal business, Anon. You wouldn't understand."

                                            >...

                                            "It's not royal business, is it Twilight?"

                                            >"...Celestia's teaching me how to be a princess."

                                            >Twilight fidgets with her hooves.

                                            >"It's really hard..."

                                            >Shake your head and chuckle.

                                            >She's adorable at times. Well, most of the time, actually.

                                            >The alicorn looks back up at you, a shy smile warming your heart.

                                            >"Do you think I make a good princess, Anon?"

                                            "Well. You have the uncanny ability to make me do anything, and aren't afraid to demonstrate some 'power' when needs be. Sure, why not."

                                            >Twilight puts on a dopey grin

                                            >"Heh, thanks, Anon. What are you going to do when we get there?"

                                            "I'll let you field that one."

                                            >"Hmm... Knowing you as well as I do... We'll get off the train, we'll then split up, you'll leave me with a message to give to Celestia and Luna about how you have important matters to attend, then take yourself off towards the nearest bar, get yourself mildly drunk, stumble up towards the castle in the middle of the day, get into a fight with some guards, win the fight through dumb luck or some form of hidden martial arts mastery, then barge through the doors during an important meeting, and spend the rest of it, playing with my ears while I try not to get too turned on."

                                            "You can read me like a book."

                                            >She sticks her tongue out playfully.

                                            "But you were wrong about the bar."

                                            >"Oh?"

                                            "I intend to loot the Royal stockroom once we're there. They must have some fine stuff in those stores under the castle."

                                            >Twilight's face scrunches up.

                                            >"No. You're not stealing from the Princesses."

                                            "Weeeell, you're a princess, and I trust you give me consent?"

                                            >"N--"

                                            "See? So I have free reign over all the castle's booze."

                                            >"I really need to fix your drinking problem."

                                            >It's your turn to stick out your tongue.

                                            >Twilight sighs, a shadow of a smile trying not to emerge.

                                            >She tries so hard to stay strict.

                                            >Watching her losing her silent battle with joy, you reach over and neaten her mane a bit.

                                            "Hey, it's gonna be a great time. I promise."

                                            >Twilight nods, giving up the fight and beaming at your touch.

                                            >"I'll hold you to that, mister monkey."

                                            >"Now arriving in Canterlot station!"

                                            "Ugh..."

                                            >Wake up in the cramped train beds and gently shake Twilight's sleeping body next to yours.

                                            >You were the big spoon this time.

                                            >Oh who are you kidding, you're always the big spoon.

                                            "Twi, we're here."

                                            >She stretches and yawns, shaking her head to wake herself up.

                                            >A wing randomly spreads and smacks you in the face while she does so.

                                            "SUNOVA--"

                                            >"I'm sorry! I still can't quite get the hang of them!"

                                            "YOU'VE HAD NINE MONTHS, TWILIGHT."


                                            >You follow Twilight towards the throne room.

                                            >Guards along the corridor salute her as she passes.

                                            >Stroll to catch up with her and lean down as you walk to talk into her ear.

                                            "This is getting really annoying."

                                            >She speaks back in a hushed tone.

                                            >"I know. Just play along."

                                            >You straighten up and continue to follow the princess.

                                            >That doesn't sound right at all.

                                            >You straighten up and continue to follow Bookworm McSpankmehard.

                                            >Smile to yourself.

                                            >Much better.

                                            >Twilight opens the doors with her magic as she walks through.

                                            >Observing the throne, you see Celestia standing proudly next to her sister.

                                            >Who is clutching a mug of coffee and has huge bags under her eyes.

                                            >Luna yawns, covering her mouth with a hoof then sipping some coffee.

                                            >Celestia steps forwards as you enter, Luna dragging her hooves behind her.

                                            >She clearly doesn't like being up in the day.

                                            >"Welcome, Twilight and Anonymous! I trust you had a safe journey?"

                                            >"We did, princess. Do you fair well?"

                                            >The two start chatting and exchanging unnecessary formalities while your eyes trail away and land on Luna.

                                            >She blinks, groggily, and catches your eye.

                                            >Raise an eyebrow at her.

                                            >'Tired?'

                                            >She nods, stifling another yawn.

                                            >'Indeed'.

                                            >Motion towards Celestia with your head.

                                            >'She keeping you up?'

                                            >Luna rolls her eyes and takes another sip of coffee.

                                            >'As always.'

                                            >"Anon?"

                                            >You look towards Celestia.

                                            "Yeah?"

                                            >"Would you like to join us for dinner? I can tell that you are both hungry."

                                            >Glance down at Twilight.

                                            >She smiles sweetly up at you.

                                            "Sure."

                                            >"Excellent! You can join Luna and myself at the grand hall in one hour. Feel free to walk around the castle as you see fit, I have matters to attend with my sister."

                                            >Turn around and walk alongside Twilight out the throne room.

                                            >"Aren't you excited, Anon? A royal meal!"

                                            "How many times have you had one?"

                                            >"Oh, I've lost count."

                                            "Then how are you still excited by it?"

                                            >"Because it's the first one I'll be spending with you!"

                                            >Fuck, that's cute.

                                            >Pat her withers while you both walk.

                                            >More guards salute you as you make your way down the hallway.

                                            "Can you all stop doing that?"

                                            >"We can't, sir."

                                            "Why not?"

                                            >The guard stares at you, then slowly lowers his hoof, looking at it in an amazed fashion.

                                            >Following his example, several other guards lower their own hooves.

                                            >"We don't have to salute you?"

                                            "No! What the hell are they teaching you people?"

                                            >"That we have to salute everyp0ny that walks down this hallway."

                                            "...Do you stand here all day?"

                                            >"Yes, sir."

                                            "Saluting everything."

                                            >"Yes, sir."

                                            "When was the last time you ate, man?"

                                            >"This morning at nine, sir."

                                            "Nigga, it's six in the evening."

                                            >He whimpers.

                                            >"I-I know, sir."

                                            "Well just so you know, you don't have to salute us anymore, okay? And get yourself something to eat, for fucks sake."

                                            >"Under who's orders, sir?"

                                            "Oh, uhh."

                                            >Spin around, looking for a figure of authority.

                                            >Your eyes land on Twilight, who looks flabbergasted.

                                            "Umm. Her. Her orders."

                                            >"Anon, I don't--"

                                            >The guards erupt into cheers and all drop their weapons, cantering towards the nearest mess hall.

                                            >You and Twilight share a glance before shrugging and heading for your shared room.

                                            >Close the door behind you when you reach it.

                                            >Sigh and lean your back against it as Twilight moves to unpack her things.

                                            >"Problem, Anonymous?"

                                            "I just forgot how much I dislike castle life, is all."

                                            >"Aww, I know you do. But like I said before, it's just for a few days. Don't let it bother you."

                                            "Maybe you're right. But don't you find it... Odd?"

                                            >She doesn't face you while she sorts through her bag.

                                            >"Hm? What's odd?"

                                            "Well we were just kind of summoned out of the blue. Letter said an "informal get-together". Doesn't that strike you as weird?"

                                            >Twilight pauses, levitating a few scrolls and quills in an aura above her head.

                                            >"I suppose it's a -little- bit out of the ordinary. But they're our friends, Anon! I'm sure they just wanted to see us and catch up."

                                            "Eh. I still get a bad vibe from this whole thing. Like a strangely over-exaggerated series of events is going to take place sometime in the near future that neither me nor you will have any sort of control over."

                                            >"Oh please, Anon. What's the worst that could happen?"


                                            >"GAAHAHAHHAAH!"

                                            "Do you really have to laugh so loudly, Tia?"

                                            >"Silence, fool!"

                                            "...What?"

                                            >"Oh. Ahem, ahh, sorry, Lulu. Really."

                                            >Celestia rubs her foreleg with a hoof sheepishly.

                                            >You yawn and take another sip of coffee.

                                            >"Uhh, where was I?"

                                            "Just sort of started laughing for no particular reason. Also, why is there a lightning storm circulating above us?"

                                            >Both alicorns look up at the swelling black clouds covering the ceiling of Celestia's bedroom.

                                            >A flash of lightning and the rumble of thunder fills the room.

                                            >"It adds character to what I'm about to say!"

                                            >Shrug and drink some more.

                                            "Alright. But what exactly are we doing in your room?"

                                            >"We are here to plan the imminent raping of Anonymous, of course! GAHAHAHA!"

                                            >Another bolt of lightning incinerates a nearby scroll, leaving a patch of fire.

                                            >You absent-mindedly put it out with your coffee, then refill your cup.

                                            "Sounds reasonable. I enjoy looking at his buttocks as much as the next pony, but surely there's a simpler way to bed him without forcing ourselves upon him?"

                                            >Celestia scoffs.

                                            >"Listen to you! Acting within reason. Wasn't it you who said we needed to go bring back medieval times?"

                                            "I was referring to our political system, which has grown exponentially more complicated over the last--"

                                            >"Shushushush. We desire Anon, and being the most powerful beings in the land, it's our right to claim his totally sweet flanks as our own."

                                            "I don't think he calls them flanks... And what about Twilight Sparkle?"

                                            >"What about her?"

                                            "I don't think she would appreciate us making a move on her partner. Last I checked they were rather close to one another."

                                            >"Oohh it's just a passing relationship. It won't last."

                                            "Actually I think they're very much in love."

                                            >"Love is subjective."

                                            "...What does that even -mean-?"

                                            >"It means stop being so boring and help me plan out how we're going to ram our shafts into Anonymous!"

                                            "We don't even -have- shafts!"

                                            >Celestia bounces her eyebrows, and one flash of gold later, a hideously misshapen penis rests between her legs.

                                            "You might need work on that spell."

                                            >"It hurts to cast..."

                                            >Sigh and gulp down another mug of coffee.

                                            >"Does that stuff even work?"

                                            "Doubtful. But it tastes good."

                                            >You yawn again and refill for the 14th time.

                                            >"Okay. So. Brainstorming. We're both ancient, all-powerful alicorns who have ruled with an iron hoof for the last four thousand years! How do we have sex with the ambassador of an alien race?"

                                            "Perhaps we should employ seduction and visually appealing clothing to try and win him over?"

                                            >Celestia taps her chin with her hoof.

                                            >"Not a bad idea, Lulu... Not bad at all... Alright then! We'll try that at dinner."

                                            "I beg your pardon?"

                                            >"Come on, we still have those sexy outfits from our younger years!"

                                            >Give her a nervous look.

                                            "Celestia we haven't worn those in three millennia, and..."

                                            >You glance at Celestia's shapely behind.

                                            "I don't think we'll fit into them."

                                            >"Oh shush. I've never been in better shape!"

                                            >Your eyes dart to the pile of stolen kitchen cake in the corner of the room, then back to your sister.

                                            "If you say so..."

                                            >"Excellent! Let's try them on and see how they look! Oooh, we'll win him over in no time at all!"


                                            >"The princesses said they'd be here in an hour, what's taking them so long?"

                                            "I dunno. I still say they won't mind if we dig in."

                                            >You reach for a jam tart.

                                            >Twilight slaps your hand on the way there.

                                            >"No! It's proper manners to wait for everyone to be present!"

                                            "But we never do that back at the library!"

                                            >"That's different. We aren't guests of the royal family there, and can stand to lose a bit of dignity!"

                                            "You'd know all about losing dignity, wouldn't you?"

                                            >Nudge her.

                                            >Her face goes bright red.

                                            >"Not here, you damnable human."

                                            >She sighs.

                                            >"It's been fifteen minutes! Where--"

                                            >The doors at the end of the room fly open.

                                            >"I apologise for the delay, my friends!"

                                            >Lazily look over to them.

                                            >"O-oh my--"

                                            "--Fucking god."

                                            >Celestia and Luna stroll confidently over to the table.

                                            >Dressed entirely in dominatrix gear.

                                            >Celestia even has a policewoman hat on.

                                            >Her straps appear to be digging into, well, everywhere, though.

                                            >Luna looks much better, and seems to suit the outfit far better. Even if she does look a tad uncomfortable.

                                            >She blushes when you smirk at her, and nervously drinks some more coffee.

                                            >Where the hell does she keep getting that?

                                            >Celestia speaks up.

                                            >"We were looking for something more casual to eat in. Surely you don't mind?"

                                            >Twilight is finding it impossible to concentrate on anything other than how pronounced Celestia's ass looks in the gear.

                                            >"I-It's f-fine. Right A-anon?"

                                            "You look great, officer."

                                            >Twilight elbows you as hard as she can in the ribs, maintaining her smile the whole time.

                                            >"I'm pleased you think so, Anonymous."

                                            >She winks at you.

                                            >"By all means, help yourselves. This meal looks marvellous, does it not?"

                                            >The alicorn helps herself to a large portion of cake.

                                            >"So, Anonymous. How is life in Ponyville with my faithful student?"

                                            "It's pretty great. I'm amazed at how much she needs my help on a day to day basis."

                                            >Twilight pipes up immediately after you finish.

                                            >"And I have to help him as well. It's a lovely little symbiotic relationship we've got going!"

                                            "Doesn't that imply one of us is a parasite?"

                                            >"Well no, but one of us certainly does a lot of su--"

                                            >She catches herself before she finishes, goes bright red, and clasps a hoof over her mouth.

                                            >You pat her on the back.

                                            >She instantly picks up on your gesture and starts coughing.

                                            "There there, Twi. You shouldn't be so fast when swallowing."

                                            >The purple pony blushes even harder.

                                            >Not sure why, you didn't even intend for that to be dirty.

                                            >Celestia is watching all this with an interested expression.

                                            >Luna is trying her absolute hardest not to fall asleep.

                                            >"Please! Tell me more about this "symbiotic relationship".

                                            >She grins like a Cheshire cat at the pair of you.

                                            "What Twilight meant is that I help out wherever I can around town, whether it's assisting at the local school, organising community events or just cleaning up the library, while she pretty much does the same, but at different times. Either way, one of us does the cooking and it's still not yet decided who does it."

                                            >You pause.

                                            "Though I think Twilight is the better cook."

                                            >The alicorn next to you glares at you.

                                            >"Well I'm not that good, I think Anon is far better!"

                                            "That's very flattering, Twi. But I refuse to cook in the presence of such a food expert."

                                            >"Maybe you should try your hand at it. You need all the practice you can get and I would love to not cook while you learn."

                                            >You go back and forth with Celestia's grin getting bigger and bigger.

                                            >"Oh dear, it seems like there's a lot of trouble in paradise!"

                                            "Well usually we start arguing over who makes the food that night."

                                            >Celestia tuts.

                                            >"That's a shame... Wouldn't want you to start fighting over such a trivial thing."

                                            "We end up fighting most nights anyway."

                                            >"Oh dear! How terrible..."

                                            "Yeah..."

                                            >You catch Twilight's eye, and she winks slyly at you.

                                            "It's safe to say she ends up winning most of the time."

                                            >Celestia starts sweating.

                                            >"G-go on--"

                                            >"Shouldn't we be eating?"

                                            >You all turn to Luna, who is dipping bread in her coffee for some bizarre reason.

                                            "Oh yeah, of course."

                                            >The meal goes ahead without much else to talk about.

                                            >Twilight keeps giving you looks throughout it though, and you unbutton your shirt as you wave goodnight to the sisters on the way back to your room.


                                            >"Well, that didn't go as planned at all."

                                            "I think we just ended up pushing them closer together."

                                            >You and Celestia are on her bed again, dominatrix gear strewn all over the floor.

                                            >"We'll have to try something more direct! Perhaps we just need to get Anonymous alone..."

                                            "We could distract Twilight with some trivial duty that separates them?"

                                            >"Of course! I'll talk to Twilight and ask her to do some research on something in the archives. And knowing Twilight, she'll be there all day, giving us ample time to take care of Anon!"

                                            "Wonderful!"

                                            >"Better yet, I've been working with my spell some more!"

                                            >A flash of gold shows--

                                            "Oh hell."

                                            >"Th-that's not right."

                                            >"Hey there, ladies. Mind if I pop in?"

                                            "Why is your penis a head."

                                            >"I'm not sure."

                                            >Celestia's crotch-face winks at you.

                                            >"How about it, darky? You and me. One on one. Bet I can outlast you."

                                            "GET RID OF IT, TIA!"

                                            >She does so.

                                            "I hope, for your sake, that you have that spell perfected by the time we make our move."

                                            >"Me too..."

                                            "Tia?"

                                            >"Yes, Lulu?"

                                            "Why don't we just get one of the guards to uhh, "attend" to us?"

                                            >"They're so small! It gets awkward at times... At least Anon stands taller than us."

                                            "I suppose so."

                                            >"Alright then. So I'll give Twilight something to research, you get Anon to follow you. Okay?"

                                            >You yawn.

                                            "Okay..."

                                            >Celestia gives you a funny look.

                                            >"Are you sure you're okay?"

                                            "Well I have all of tonight to attend to. Somep0ny has to raise the moon."

                                            >"Ah. Point taken. Well, good night and see you tomorrow!"

                                            >You grumble and slide off the bed, your faithful mug of coffee floating alongside you out the door.


                                            >"Anon! You'll never guess what!"

                                            "What?"

                                            >"Celestia has given me a task to complete!"

                                            "Oh?"

                                            >You watch with a smile as the alicorn gallops around, gathering quills and ink in preparation for Celestia's task.

                                            >"She says she wants me to research something. I got the scroll today while using the toilet!"

                                            "Eww."

                                            >"I know, right!"

                                            >She doesn't stop smiling, indicating that she didn't take notice of what you actually said.

                                            >"I just knew she'd have something for me to do."

                                            "So what can I help you with?"

                                            >"O-oh..."

                                            >Twilight looks down, then up at you with a sorrowful face.

                                            >"No offense, Anon. But you might just get in the way. So you can sit this one out. Is that alright?"

                                            "Sure is! I'm gonna go raid the royal stash."

                                            >"Oh come on! You've been a whole day sober so far! Don't stop now!"

                                            "No brakes on the drinking ride, honeybunch. I'll see you around, yeah?"

                                            >"Alrighty! I'll be in the archives if you need me. You know where that is right?"

                                            "Sure do. See you tonight then!"

                                            >With that, you step out the door, briskly walking towards where you know the royal alcohol is stored.


                                            >"Yeeeess... Yeeeess! Peeeerfect..."

                                            >You watch Anon walk away from Twilight's room through some binoculars.

                                            >Glance to the side.

                                            "Where did you get that cat, and why are you stroking it?"

                                            >"It looks more dramatic."

                                            "That cat looks rather angry."

                                            >"She is. Think I should let her go?"

                                            "Might be the best option."

                                            >Celestia chucks the cat off the balcony.

                                            >You watch it go down with a vacant expression.

                                            "It's lucky we had that moat installed, isn't it?"

                                            >"Mmmhmmm. Now, we'll corner Anon when he reaches the storerooms. Ohh this is going to be so much fun!"

                                            >Let out your longest yawn yet.

                                            "Sh... Sure is..."


                                            >Whistling to yourself, you turn another corner on the way to the storeroom.

                                            >You can almost taste the booze.

                                            >Rounding a final corner, you are faced with 2 huge double wooden doors.

                                            >'ROYAL STOREROOM'

                                            >Wipe a tear from your eye.

                                            "It's beautiful."

                                            >No guards outside though, which is odd.

                                            >You guess they're all out eating for once in their lives, and slip through the door.

                                            >The smell of a thousand spices and liquids hits you like a truck.

                                            >This place is massive. Boxes upon crates upon packs upon containers filled to the brim with enough food, drink and other goods to last a century.

                                            >No wonder Celestia is getting fat.

                                            >You follow a crude sign that says "This way 2 alclgol"

                                            >Looks like the sign maker got into the stuff before he did this.

                                            >Walk through a corridor of boxes until you reach a large crate.

                                            >Peering inside, you see the largest amount of drink you've ever laid eyes on.

                                            "Jackpot!"

                                            >"Yes, Jackpot indeed!"

                                            >Spin around, facing the intruder.

                                            >Celestia stands behind you, smirking.

                                            >Luna is next to her, swaying slightly.

                                            >The bags under her eyes are huge.

                                            >"What a pleasant surprise to see you down here, Anonymous!"

                                            "Uhh, yeah? Don't you have royal stuff to do?"

                                            >"Indeed, royal business is ahoof! And we intend to see it through to the sticky, orgasmic end."

                                            "That was terrible."

                                            >"Shush. We want you, Anonymous. And we have for some time. Twilight Sparkle is wonderful, but she doesn't quite grasp what she has at her hooves. The sheer beauty of the creature living with her is something more fitting for a god!"

                                            "Hold up, didn't you make her one?"

                                            >"I- uh, what?"

                                            "A god. You made Twilight a god like, 9 months ago. I've seen it. I watched her levitate an entire barn once. It was scary as shit."

                                            >"Well she's not -exactly- a god--"

                                            "But she's alicorn. Aren't you also an alicorn?"

                                            >"Of course!"

                                            "So then if Twilight isn't a god, then you aren't either."

                                            >"I don't--"

                                            "Therefore, no one deserves me. Man, that sucks. Kinda makes you want to drink, no?"

                                            >Reach behind you and pull out a bottle.

                                            "Griffin export, eh? Can't say I've ever had the stuff. Still, bottoms up!"

                                            >You rip off the cork and start chugging.

                                            >Before you can finish, the bottle is torn from your grasp by a magical aura.

                                            "Whu- Hey! Give that back!"

                                            >Celestia tosses it aside.

                                            >"Anonymous. I want you. I want to be inside you, and I want to fill you with my royal seed. As does Luna. Are we understood?"

                                            >On cue, she casts a spell, and the largest horsecock you've ever seen spawns between her legs.

                                            "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

                                            >Celestia smiles, and her new cock twitches, accompanied by two huge swinging balls.

                                            >"So. You know what's about to happen?"

                                            "...Yes?"

                                            >"Fantastic. Luna? GET HIM."

                                            >She crumples to the floor and falls asleep.

                                            >"LUNA! Now isn't the time!"

                                            >Quickly reach into the crate, grab as many bottles as you can, and vault over a box out of sight.

                                            >"STOP! ANONYMOUS YOU HAD BETTER STOP RUNNING RIGHT NOW! THERE'S NOWHERE FOR YOU TO HIDE!"

                                            >Rather than obey her demands, you drink as much as you can while you run, half of the sweet nectar running down your mouth, the other half down your chin.

                                            >Drinking and running is hard, come on.

                                            >Bursting out of the store room, you head for the stairs, Celestia's wails behind you the entire time.

                                            "Running away from a princess who wants to rape me. Why do I feel like I've done this before?"

                                            >Climb the stairs as fast as you can, and run in the direction of the archives.

                                            >Twilight will know what to do.

                                            >She always knows what to do.

                                            >God she's amazing.

                                            >As you run, you begin to notice something.

                                            "Just where the hell -are- all the guards?"

                                            >You take a detour through the mess hall, rather than taking the long way around to the archives.

                                            >As you push through the doors, you're greeted by a rally or sorts.

                                            >"AND WE WILL DEMAND HIGHER PAY! AND SUPPORT FOR OUR FAMILIES!"

                                            "'Scuse me, sorry, coming through."

                                            >Shift through the crowd, being careful not to drop any beer.

                                            >"YOU THERE! HUMAN! YOU ARE THE SPARK OF THIS REVOLUTION! WE'RE BEHIND YOU ALL THE WAY!"

                                            "Cool."

                                            >"OUR FUTURE IS BRIGH--"

                                            "Can you please stop shouting at me? I'm right in front of you."

                                            >"AAAaaumm, Okay, sorry. But we're behind you, Anon, sir!"

                                            "...Why?"

                                            >"Because you showed us the light! And showed us that our jobs don't have to be so horrible!"

                                            "You don't need me to tell you how to start a revolution. I'm hardly some kind of motivational speaker--"

                                            >Just then, the doors explode open, and Celestia stand there, panting.

                                            >"ANONYMOUS!"

                                            "Uhh, on second thoughts. BROTHERS! BEHOLD! THE VASSAL OF YOUR UNRELENTING SUFFERING! THE EMBODIMENT OF ALL THE HATRED AND ANGER IN YOUR LIVES! SHE STANDS ABOVE YOU ON THE SHOULDERS OF THOSE WHO FELL TO SERVE HER! ON A FALSE THRONE OF LIES AND BLOODSHED! RISE UP, MY BRETHEREN! RISE UP AND CAST OFF THE SHACKLES OF OPPRESSION, SEVER THE CHAINS OF TYRANNY! CHAAARGE!"

                                            >As the entire room roars in approval and surges towards the haggard looking princess, you jump on a table to avoid the torrent of pissed off guards and drink an entire bottle of "Everfree Draught".

                                            >Celestia manages to say the words "Oh bollocks" before her former private army slams into her.

                                            >Watch in amusement as a larger pony leaps off a table and elbow-drops her whilst screaming "WELCOME TO THE UNION, MOTHER FUCKER!"

                                            >With that, you hop off the table and walk the rest of the way to the archive, leaving the shouts, screams and cheers of an ongoing unionisation in progress.


                                            >You find Twilight buried in books, and surrounded by the silence of the archive.

                                            >Slip in through the door and sneak up behind her.

                                            >Her face goes from sullen-working face to relieved when your hands cover her eyes.

                                            >"Hey..."

                                            "Hey."

                                            >Grab a seat and sit next to her.

                                            >Place a bottle on the desk, grinning.

                                            "I brought booze!"

                                            >She rolls her eyes.

                                            >"Don't you always?"

                                            >...

                                            >Frown at her.

                                            "Uhh. Sorry."

                                            >"No no, it's fine, I guess. Did you do anything else or did you just drink?"

                                            "Celestia and Luna tried to rape me. That was fun."

                                            >Twilight stop writing and gives you a flat look.

                                            "I'm serious! Luna fell asleep and I unleashed a revolution in the mess hall. It was crazy. I think they teach wrestling moves to the guards here."

                                            >Twilight tries not to smile, and fails.

                                            >Her eyes dart to the bottle and she loses it instantly.

                                            >You catch this, and pick up the bottle, rapping your fingers on it in thought while your partner works away.

                                            >Sighing, you place it on the floor.

                                            "If it means that much to you, I'll stop."

                                            >She set down her quill and looks into your eyes.

                                            >You can tell that she's tired from having been cooped up in here all day.

                                            >"Promise?"

                                            >Take her hoof in your hands and affectionately massage it.

                                            "Promise."

                                            >She reaches forwards and hugs you.

                                            >Somewhere in the castle, you hear someone shout "Viva la revolution!"

                                            >Bloody socialists.


                                            The End.