Pants in the Relationship pt. 7 (WIP)



                                            >You had a late start the next day.

                                            >The bonfire lasted well into the early morning, and more importantly, you had to put your mind at ease.

                                            >You had to be sure the thing in the fridge was thoroughly dealt with.

                                            >There was plenty of refueling of the fire after poking the back of the fridge in the pit with some rebar.

                                            >Poured more gas into the holes, and lit that ablaze.

                                            >You wanted to make sure the interior was a hellscape.

                                            > Everyone else was entertained by you letting out your firebug, especially Applejack.

                                            >"Ah'll remember to invite you to the next bonfire", she said when the fire died down for good.

                                            >When you got home, you had to shower the smoke and long walk off of you.

                                            >By the time you got to bed, it was four in the morning.

                                            >Relieved, and no longer restless.

                                            >Now here you are, it's noon.

                                            >You're at the usual diner looking out at the street, sitting closest to the window to get some warmth.

                                            >Even after you walk to the diner, you're still waking up.

                                            >You yawn into a fist and glance around the diner, looking for the waitress with a fresh pot of coffee.

                                            >Yes, 'fresh pot' of coffee, the waitress wouldn't let you have a cold pot.

                                            >Even though she saw how morning dead you were, she insisted.

                                            >"Your irritability is noted dear, but trust me this will pick you up more than some two-hour-old pot of coffee," she told you.

                                            >Too tired to make a bigger fuss, you obliged.

                                            >But she was right.

                                            >The coffee aroma brought a smile out of you the closer she got.

                                            >You sat back as you watched the coffee dance as it filled up your cup.

                                            >The sugar packs and powder creamer were already being stirred on the second she finished pouring.

                                            >"And a stack of the usual flapjacks dear?"


                                            "You know it," you say, fixated on the swirl lightening the coffee in your cup.

                                            >"I'll get right on that."

                                            >In the corner of your eye you see she's still floating around, rubbing her chin.

                                            >"Where's your shadow today?"

                                            "Hmm?" You make eye contact with her.

                                            >She nods toward the empty seat across from you.

                                            "Ah, she had to check up on her apartment, she should be here soon."

                                            >"Oh good, glad things are going well between you two."

                                            "It's been a crazy beginning but yeah, I am too."

                                            >"I'm surprised she took my bold advice."

                                            >You squint your eyes.

                                            "Wait, you were the reason for all this nonsense?"

                                            >"Afraid so, but it's how I got my husband, I figured I'd pass the wisdom along."

                                            "The amount of stress you've caused me..."

                                            >"Sorry dear, I told her that she had to be an inconvenience to get your attention."

                                            "You know I had met friends at Bonnet's with her just hanging on my belt?"

                                            >She tilts her head in confusion.

                                            >"Wait, you mean she just-- hold on, hold on dear. Do you mean to tell me she just hung on your belt buckle? That's not what I told her."

                                            "What?"

                                            >You pick up on the pink hue in her cheeks.

                                            >"I told her to get the hang of getting your belt buckle off with her mouth."

                                            "... instead of hanging off of my belt buckle with her mouth?"

                                            >A beat of silence.

                                            >While you are terrified of what could've happened, the waitress was making calculations in her head.

                                            >She was darting her eyes back and forth as numbers and question marks were floating around her.

                                            >Her mouth would open but no words would come forth. It took her a second to form a sentence.

                                            >"I... how long did she keep that up?"

                                            >You look away, processing the information.

                                            >Did Ditzy mishear the advice? Or did she actively decide to go another route?

                                            >You were so caught up in wanting the answer, you stopped stirring your coffee.


                                            ---


                                            >Well into the finishing inspection, you were sneaking glances at Ditzy, still wondering.

                                            >You can't think of a way to approach the topic.

                                            >It's unfortunate that you can't just bury your head into the work with Ditzy floating around you.

                                            >And there isn't much left to do.

                                            >Before you give the keys back to Coco, you had to be sure the place was in a better condition than when you found it.

                                            >That included inspecting the wiring of the outlets, and light switches.

                                            >Checking every nook and cranny, but most of the heavy-duty cleaning was done yesterday.

                                            >The carpet is perfectly fine, you even did some vacuuming in the most affected areas.

                                            >By the time you got to the kitchen for a last inspection, Ditzy addressed the elephant in the room.

                                            >"You're quiet today Anon, more than usual."

                                            >Your back was turned to her as you pretended to look at your checklist on the clipboard.

                                            "Uh huh," you say, hoping Ditzy will just assume you're in 'Work Mode'.

                                            >"Even though the thing in the fridge is gone."

                                            >The lump in your throat was suddenly tougher to swallow.

                                            "Yep, you're doing a fine job, Ditzy."

                                            >You're not even bothering to look up, because you're trying to sell the 'otherworldly focus' bit.

                                            >You turn on the faucet to test the temperature of the water.

                                            >Still boiling hot, you'll have to go to the water heater and adjust that.

                                            >You jot that down on your checklist of things to inspect.

                                            >"Anon?"

                                            >When you turned around, Ditzy was fluttering at your eye level.

                                            >Her head tilted as she blinked out of sync, closing the distance between you two.

                                            >You'd back up, but you're trapped.

                                            "Sup?"

                                            >"There's something under the bathroom sink. My hooves can't reach it."

                                            >You take a quiet breath of relief.

                                            "I'll take a look."


                                            ---


                                            "You know, you didn't really have to dust under the sink, but it's good you're going the extra mile."

                                            >"I only wanted to clear any spider webs." Ditzy says while the upper half of your torso was under the sink.

                                            "Are you sure there's something under here?" You ask.

                                            >"Up where the fake drawer would be."

                                            >Just as the words left her mouth you spot a small brown paper back duct tape into the cranny.

                                            >With your other hand, you reach your hand out and Ditzy drops a flashlight into it.

                                            >You shine the light on this tucked and taped away item, rectangular shaped from what you can feel.

                                            >The brown paper bag is bone dry, it tore apart too easily when you tried to pull it down.

                                            >So while shielding your eyes, you grasp a bigger portion of it, the glue on the duct tape didn't take much elbow grease to pull the package out of its hiding spot.

                                            >Once you got it out, you and Ditzy share a look, then you start to rip more of the brown paper bag only to see whatever the item is, wrapped in a ziploc bag.

                                            >You hold up the clear plastic bag by its opening to see a small dark grey brick.

                                            >Immediately you recognize it as a mini-cassette recorder, along with a couple of loose tapes.

                                            "What the hell?"

                                            >More questions filled up your head.

                                            >You and Ditzy both studied the thing.

                                            "We gotta finish up here, I need to know what's on this thing."

                                            >"What else is on your checklist?"

                                            "The water heater."

                                            ---


                                            >Adjusting the water heater temperature was easy enough, there were only some things left to do today, and you had a second wind of energy to rush through them.

                                            >When you got to the main office, you darted straight to Dustbowl's office.

                                            >"Anonymous! Thanks for stopping by, I take it the apartment is finished?" Dustbowl asks as you step through the threshold of the doorframe.

                                            "Even adjusted the water heater, and the unit is ready for a new fridge."

                                            >"Splendid, something told me to purchase a new one the other day, should be here this afternoon."

                                            "Shit, that works. Talk about divine timing."

                                            >"Indeed," he drops his back legs from his desk and pulls out a drawer from his desk, and reaches into it.

                                            >"Your payment, good sir," he says, presenting a check which you accept and then fold to put in your back pocket.

                                            "Pleasure doing business with ya," you say with a nod.

                                            >"Likewise, and if you need extra work from time to time, don't hesitate to visit."

                                            "You got it."

                                            >Everything is all coming together.

                                            >As you step outside of the main office, you grin at the amount written on the check.

                                            >You only dread the line at the bank to deposit it.

                                            >Which, to your surprise wasn't busy at all, you withdrew a few bits for some food expenses.

                                            >The last thing to do today was visit Coco Pummel at the Boutique to inform her the apartment is ready.

                                            >When you arrived, Rarity and Coco were having a tea break.

                                            >Even though they wanted you to stay for a bit, you had one thing on your mind, you didn't care if it seemed like you and Ditzy were in a rush to get home.

                                            >You were, but any indecent accusations about you two rolled off of you.

                                            >After politely declining tea, you and Coco agreed to meet at the apartment at nine in the morning for a walk-through, and you'll hand her the invoice.

                                            >Once you got home, you and Ditzy rushed to the basement and set the tape recorder on the bar.

                                            > Ditzy was focused on it as her chin rested on the polished wood.

                                            >You press down on the play button, then a click, and the tape starts rolling.

                                            >At first, silence with an occasional clang of some kind of equipment.

                                            >The reverberation made you assume this was in a lab somewhere.

                                            >A mare clears her throat before speaking.

                                            ---


                                            Log #001, Rise Labs, Manehatten.


                                            >"ScreWOOFy's log zero zero one, at Rise labs, what should I cARF-- call this? Ugh, hold on, I just need to chug this vial, helps reduce the barking."


                                            >An audible gulp could be heard, followed by glass shattering the ground.


                                            >"It's nice to try to figure out how Draqoni's mental process work while having different animal parts.

                                            >Sparky is okay, he just hasn't felt like his chatty self lately. He's still recuperating at home.

                                            >Anyway, it's about eight in the evening, it's been a week since we've started scouting for other realities.

                                            >We had to set up our lab out by the docks since our former location is condemned.

                                            >What did they call it? A Chaos field? Luckily it's an industrial area, so not a lot of traffic there and it's temporary.

                                            >Chaos fields don't last more than a couple of weeks before the reality untangles.

                                            >In the meantime, don't be surprised if you lose your watch and then a cat starts following you.

                                            >Anyway, Eris was kind enough to provide some insight about trying to reach other realities.

                                            >She insists we're still not ready, but it'll be good to at least set up shop in a reality thin spot.

                                            >Our reports indicate there's another thin spot out in the Evergreen Forest, we won't be going there anytime soon.

                                            >We're authorized to look through the "Looking Glass", and they won't let us sign a waiver for visiting, because if anything would happen it would bring too much heat.

                                            >Not on thin ice yet, but Eris herself doesn't want to draw any attention.

                                            >I think I'm her favorite, that conjuring gem she gave will be useful and she doesn't give those out often since it has traces of her magic.

                                            >And that's what I will be testing tonight while everyp0ny else is out."


                                            >Amping up of energy could be heard before an impact upon the concrete floor.

                                            >Silence as the smoke cleared, then barking.


                                            >"Sparky? Why do you have spider legs?

                                            >Fascinating, it seems I conjured a dog-spider hybrid that looks just like Sparky.

                                            >The resemblance is convincing.

                                            >Looks like the gem got a little thinner. So there's a limit to how many times you can use this.

                                            >It seems likely that anything more complex or bigger in caliber would wear down the conjuring gem even more.

                                            >Which makes me wonder, if there's a way to unconjure it, will it restore the energy used?

                                            >If so by what percentage? Is the conjure's own exertion taken into account?

                                            >I'd ask Eris herself, but she's busy filming for her first acting role.

                                            >Further testing is required in the meantime. Think I'll skim through the files of the next scouting project while I'm here too.

                                            >What the heck? Evergreen Forest? I thought we were told not to go there? Is there another thin spot?

                                            >Eris wouldn't approve of this, does she know? She picked one ARF of a time to start her acting caWOOF-- reer.

                                            >This isn't riARF--"


                                            >A knock on what sounds like a metallic door, only more howling in a symphony.

                                            ---


                                            >You stop the recording, eyes wide as theories start to form with this tape.

                                            "So this is who Dustbowl and Berry were talking about."

                                            >"She sounds nice. This is a thirty minutes tape like the other two in the bag, right?" Ditzy asks, scratching her head.

                                            "Yeah, so that thing in the fridge was something from the gem?"

                                            >More questions float to the surface of your mind.

                                            >No one from maintenance wanted to mess with the apartment because of that thing.

                                            >Anyone sees a roach that huge, anyone would fuck off and leave it be.

                                            >Fair enough, it wouldn't be a question of how it got there or why it's there, but rather how much distance can you give it.

                                            >No one's wondering why it's there.

                                            >So what was it guarding?

                                            >You press play on the tape and fast forward through the barking.

                                            >A lot of the recording was only white noise and the occasional barking from Screwy.

                                            >Your guess, this thirty-minute tape really had about ten minutes of Screw actually log-keeping.

                                            >But you got to the tail end of the tape.


                                            Log #002, TSS-003, Evergreen Forest


                                            >Rustling of grass can be heard, and crickets play their song as air brushes against the mic.


                                            >"Ah, finally can have some time to myself, the journey to the edge of the Evergreen Forest was exhausting.

                                            >It was bad enough trying to go through town with all our equipment, we traveled mostly through the night and rented any carriages we could.

                                            >We're at the third thin spot site, setting up a portal! It's so exciting! Finally! Progress!

                                            >We would've set up at TSS-002, but it had been compromised, there's a zebra that's within the vicinity of the site, can't risk -any- bystanders.

                                            >But we're here now, ready to explore different realities so I'm not complaining, I can't wait to see what we'll find!

                                            >If there's anything hostile, I'll be okay.

                                            >See, I've been practicing with my conjuring gem, and I've found several answers.

                                            >While at first, I thought the gem had a limited use, it turns out they can be restored once the construct is recalled either though willing it back into the gem.

                                            >Or by construct's destruction, but it takes a lot for it to be destroyed, they're durable things.

                                            >It'll make for a great guard just in case we end up somewhere hostile.

                                            >I just really wanna see what other realities are out there, like maybe there's a reality that's just dog food."


                                            >Someone yells Screwy's name, sounds urgent.

                                            >"Oooh! Eris is here, that's a surprise, I thought she was filming tonight."

                                            >Tape ends with a click.

                                            ---


                                            >"Anon? You okay?" Ditzy asks, rubbing a circle on your back.

                                            "I think I was there that night," you say with a laugh.

                                            >Hearing all this really drums up the night you got here, to you the memory was wrapped in a dreamy haze.

                                            >You take a deep breath as you walk around behind the bar to fetch Joan Trotter Whiskey, ice, and a rocks glass.

                                            >The sun hasn't quite set yet, so you didn't drown the glass with booze, just a couple of swigs so you can process.

                                            >With a nod, you offer Ditzy a glass but she shook her head, opting instead to nurse her glass of water.

                                            >"A bit for your thoughts?"

                                            >You take a few sips and gently place the glass down, chuckling under your breath about how this week has unfolded.

                                            "We went from carpet cleaning, to extreme pest control to what? Found footage of some high-tech lab."

                                            >"I don't know, but you got a neat gem out of it."

                                            "Ooh true, I think I'll go check on it," you say heading for the basement stairs.

                                            >Ditzy fluttered to your side.

                                            >"So what happened? How'd you get here?"

                                            "I rolled out of bed and into the Evergreen Forest."

                                            >Ditzy stopped in place and then blinked a few times in disbelief.

                                            >"What?"


                                            -


                                            "For about a week, I was wondering why it took so long for my dream to end," you say as you pull the coffee can out from under your bed.

                                            >"Did you actually sleep during the week?"

                                            "Yep, I thought I was in a dream loop. In my dreams, I'm back on earth with typical weird earth dreams but consistently wake up to a magical world of colorful talking ponies."

                                            >Ditzy giggles, "When did it sink in?"

                                            "When Luna told me that I'm here for good, in my dream. It was her way of welcoming me."

                                            >You take off the lid on the coffee can to fish out the gem.

                                            >As you pick up the gem, you notice it's heavier.

                                            >The imperfect air bubbles are gone, it's not as see-through.

                                            >No light would shine through it.

                                            >So the bonfire was enough to damage to the point of recalling it.

                                            "That's a relief."

                                            >"Whatcha gonna do with it?"

                                            "I was gonna sell but I think I'll just return it to Screwy, wherever she is. It's not like I know how to use it."

                                            >"Something for next week then?"

                                            "I'll ask Berry about any whereabouts of Screwy when she comes to hang out this weekend."

                                            ---


                                            Log #003, TSS-003, Evergreen Forest.


                                            >"Well, this is a disappointment, Eris is here to tell us to stop what we're doing.

                                            >We're to delay the portal expedition another day since The Princesses will be leaving Ponyville tomorrow.

                                            >She just wants to be safe to make sure we stay under the radar.

                                            >We're okay on food but I was really hoping I can finally get some notes about how thin reality spots react.

                                            >Ah well, in the meantime, we're to double-check all the equipment.

                                            >Good news is, Eris is here so we'll get to chit-chat for a bit.

                                            >Yoohoo! Eris! Over here! Wanna say hi?"


                                            >Throat clearing could be heard as the mic gets slightly scrapped.


                                            >"Oh Screwy and her log keeping, at least someone here is doing their job and keeping track of progress.

                                            >Hello. This is the one and only Eris. I don't know who'll end up listening to this or if Screwy is just playing this back for her own amusement.

                                            >On the off chance this is being played in the courtroom though, it was ALL Screwy's idea for dimensional hopping, I was held a gunpoint. It's not my fault

                                            >I wanted none of this, my curiosity has been satiated with my dimensional hopping days centuries ago, it's just these reality virgo dirgos that wanna see what's out there."


                                            >Collective laughter from the two of them.


                                            >"I'm a movie star now, I'm innocent, Your Honor. I didn't even know what TSS stood for until Screwy told me, you said Thin Spot Sites, right?

                                            >If any overlords happen to drop in from our reality meddling experiments I just want you to know that Celestia and Luna are giant immortal book nerds who don't appreciate movies.

                                            >Remember Screwy, a Discordian is prohibited from believing what they read. That's why movies are great.

                                            >Imagine still reading instead of instantaneously absorbing the knowledge of the book by inhaling its fumes.

                                            >I know you're still trying to master that technique Screwy but you're doing your best, my dear disciple.

                                            >How's the old noggin by the way?"


                                            ---


                                            >A knock at the cellar door made you stop the recording.

                                            "Now who in the-"

                                            >A familiar face in the basement window smiles at you waving a hoof.

                                            >You open the cellar doors and let Berry in.

                                            >She takes her usual spot at the corner barstool, still in her office clothes.

                                            "What's up, Berry?"

                                            >"I'd like that celebratory drink now."

                                            "On it, did the new fridge unit come in? I felt like I just got home an hour ago."

                                            >"They were early with delivery times today, I thought I was gonna have to be in the office waiting for them well into the evening."

                                            "And here you are. What'll it be?"

                                            >"Cheerilee seems to really enjoy the Bee's Knees, I wanna try it."

                                            "You're in luck, I still have some honey syrup left. Ditzy can you grab a couple of lemons from upstairs? That bottle of honey too I'll need to make more."

                                            >Ditzy nods and heads for the stairs.

                                            >Once Ditzy was out of the earshot of the conversation, Berry takes a moment to study you.

                                            >She was quiet for a second while she formed her question.

                                            >"It's after hours, why are you so uptight, dear? You're tense."

                                            "Processing a lot of information that I just learned today."

                                            >"Wanna start with the most recent news?"

                                            "Found some audio recordings of Screwy in the apartment."

                                            >"Oooh that's exciting."

                                            "She may be a link to how I ended up here, there's more to sift through but one of the main things is she worked for Eris's tech lab or something."

                                            >"Eris was running a lab?"

                                            "I'd have to listen to more of the recordings to get a better picture, but I'm curious do you happen to know anything about where Screwy lives?"

                                            >She shrugs, "Last I heard she was in the asylum. I left it at that."

                                            "Don't blame you. Goddamn, this is a weird week."

                                            >Berry tilts her head, "what do you mean? It's only Tuesday."

                                            >You made a deep exhale as you let your weight lean onto the bar.

                                            "Fuck's sake."


                                            ---


                                            >"Hey Anon, you're out of lemons again, I'm going to pick some more up at the store okay?" Ditzy said poking her head into the basement.

                                            "Yeah, sounds good, hurry back though."

                                            >"I sure will~" she sang before shutting the door.

                                            >Berry pouts, "So no bee's knees?"

                                            "Afraid not, that a deal breaker?"

                                            >"You got whiskey?"

                                            "I've got some amaretto too, and if I mix that you'll swear it's a cherry cola."

                                            >"But it's all booze?" She asks with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sold."

                                            "Coming right up," you gather Joan Trotter and a bottle of amaretto.

                                            >You get some ice in a rocks glass and add the ingredients in then slide it over to her.

                                            >One sip and her eyes widen, the corners of her mouth curled upward.

                                            >"May have my new favorite here."

                                            "It's insane really."

                                            >"You know what else is insane? Not telling me more about what's going between you and Ditzy."

                                            "My business doesn't need to be on the grapevine right now."

                                            >"I won't tell! I promise! It's just you'd think that after finally getting done with the apartment, you'd be loose and relaxed."

                                            >You take a sip of your own drink, finding a way to explain...

                                            "Found out the waitress at the diner gave Ditzy some outlandish advice and I don't know if she misheard the waitress or just doing her own thing."

                                            >Berry leans back, "Okay, and?"

                                            "I wouldn't know how to even begin to ask Ditzy about that, I can't put it rest in my head."

                                            >"You two are thick as thieves now, why does that matter? Is this you just delaying the inevitable of her being your... first?"

                                            "Pardon?"

                                            >"We all know what's gonna happen."

                                            >She downs the rest of the drink and hops off the stool.

                                            >"Okay dear, I'm gonna head home now, you've got a lot on your mind, I'll catch ya this Friday since I can't wait to hear about date night."

                                            "Right."

                                            >"Thanks for the drink, really easy going down. Try to take it easy okay?"

                                            "You bet."

                                            ---