[FLUTTERRAPE] Sparkles and Spines


                                            Originally uploaded to Pastebin: April 9th, 2014

                                            ---


                                            This story spawned from two things.


                                            Firstly, the oh so wonderful "Ideas Guy" in the thread whom I believe is called "Brownee" (even though I call him Heinrich) wanted a Twilight Sparkle story.


                                            At the same time, That_Happy_Guy challenged me to a "write off" in the circlejerk. That was like a week ago and I've since stopped caring, I think he has as well; but the conditions for the story were that they had to have Spike in it being a "bro" of sorts.


                                            Why not combine the two? That way I can kill two stones with one stone and stone stone stone.


                                            Stone you enjoy it.


                                            ---


                                            "She still at it?"

                                            >Spike sits up and shields his eyes from the sun, squinting over at something in the distance.

                                            >"Yep."

                                            >' almost got it! '

                                            >He lies back and you hand him another drink.

                                            >Sigh and readjust your body in your deckchair.

                                            >Days like this are wonderful.

                                            >The sky is a clear blue; perfect weather for sunbathing with a friend.

                                            >"Hey, Anon?"

                                            >Your eyes remain shut and you keep your head forward, but answer him anyway.

                                            "Hmm?"

                                            >"Is it really true that your home doesn't have magic?"

                                            >' oh celestia it burns! '

                                            "Yeah, it's true. Ain't a big deal or anything; humans have technology to make up for it."

                                            >"Like what?"

                                            "Eh, planes n' shit."

                                            >"...Plains? What, like a field?"

                                            "Think more along the lines of flying metal bird."

                                            >"That doesn't really... make sense, Anon."

                                            "Yeah, never did to me either, but everyone describes planes like metal birds so I figured I'd say the same."

                                            >Spike ponders this.

                                            >"So what else do you guys have?"

                                            "Made fabrics stronger than steel."

                                            >"Really?"

                                            "Yeah, nanofibre or something. I forget the details but you could get stabbed in the chest while wearing that stuff and the knife would break before the nanofibre."

                                            >Spike lets out a quiet "woah..." before relaxing in his chair.

                                            >' stay still! aaaargh! '

                                            "Think she'll ever stop?"

                                            >"Twilight isn't one for stopping anything once she gets started."

                                            >The dragon sighs.

                                            >"I don't even know why she's taken such a liking to you."

                                            "Best not be mocking my looks, Spike."

                                            >"What, no no no! No, I didn't mean that!"

                                            >Chuckle and stretch

                                            "Good."

                                            >Put your hands behind your head, smiling.

                                            "Because I'm -ridiculously- attractive."

                                            >"In some circles..."

                                            >Snort and reach over, punching Spike lightly in the shoulder.

                                            "Enough of the lip, kiddo."

                                            >"I'm not a kid! I'm ten!"

                                            "...Yeah, that's what I said."

                                            >"Shut up, Anon..."

                                            >Crack open an eye and look over at him.

                                            >He's sporting a huge grin.

                                            >Equestria was a scary place when you first arrived.

                                            >You found yourself in a desolation of sorts, nothing but dirt and large molehills all around you.

                                            >Probably would have been killed by Diamond Dogs if Spike hadn't found you.

                                            >Little guy is tougher than a lot of ponies give him credit for.

                                            >Needless to say you took a liking to him immediately.

                                            >Mostly because he was a dragon, but also because you are the only person who seems to treat him with any kind of mutual respect; he saw your attitude towards him as inspiring and now deems you as a big brother of sorts.

                                            >He takes a long sip of his drink and lets out a satisfied sigh.

                                            >"Great drinks, Anon. Where did you get them again?"

                                            >Smile knowingly.


                                            >"Boy howdy! Sure am glad we got all that work finished up, Mac; this here heat is tirin' me out!"

                                            >"...Say, where'd ah put those drinks?"


                                            "Heh..."

                                            >Gulp down some more cold apple-juice and listen out for Twilight.

                                            >Nothing.

                                            >Raise an eyebrow.

                                            "Has she stopped?"

                                            >Spike looks over.

                                            >' aaaaaaaaaarrrrghhhh!! '

                                            >He leans back.

                                            >"Nah."

                                            >You sit up (with great effort) and look towards the bottom of the hill you and Spike are on.

                                            >Twilight Sparkle is currently chasing around a giant ball of floating boiling water.

                                            >What she plans to do with it eludes you.

                                            >But from the sound, and now look of it, the ball seems to be out of her control for whatever reason, and her desperate attempts to control it with magic are only making it worse.

                                            >The pony bumps into the ball and gets a face of water.

                                            >You wince as her scream pierces the air.

                                            >Sit back and get comfortable again.

                                            "She'll get bored eventually."

                                            >Spike clicks his tongue.

                                            >"You don't know Twilight."


                                            >Two hours later you hear an triumphant "There, I did it!" next to you.

                                            >Open your eyes and push up your sunshades.

                                            >Twilight, soaking wet and covered in bandages, is grinning at you.

                                            "...Did what?"

                                            >Her face plummets.

                                            >"You mean you weren't looking?!"

                                            >Glance over at Spike.

                                            >He shrugs.

                                            >Look back to Twilight.

                                            "No, sorry."

                                            >Smile at her.

                                            "Did you want some apple-juice?"

                                            >Her glare could shatter souls.

                                            >"I just spent three hours trying to impress you and you weren't even watching?!"

                                            "Now that you mention it, what -we're- you trying to do?"

                                            >"I was re-enacting Polly Fomolli's abstract 18th century play "The Scalding Servant"!"

                                            >Blink.

                                            >Slowly turn your head towards Spike.

                                            >He looks bewildered.

                                            >Wet your lips and struggle to find the words to say.

                                            "Thats uhh..."

                                            >You can't think of anything.

                                            >For a while Twilight simply glares at you while you stare back with a gaumless expression.

                                            >Raise a glass of cool liquid between you both.

                                            "Apple-juice?"


                                            >You arrive home covered in sticky juice and thoroughly annoyed.

                                            >Surprisingly, it's not because Twilight had her way with you.

                                            >But the silver lining could be that at least now your skin tastes like apples.

                                            >Pinkie Pie would appreciate that.

                                            >If she wasn't currently in hospital.

                                            >Eating a whole cake seemed like an easy task for her, but she'd accidentally put highly poisonous and extremely rare Maneos Nightshade into the cake instead of cream.

                                            >A simple mistake to make.

                                            >As for Twilight, she stormed home with tears in her eyes and took Spike with her.

                                            >Poor guy.

                                            >You'll have to save him later on from her, maybe take him out for something to eat.

                                            >Twilight's such a silly pony.

                                            >When you say silly, you mean neurotic.

                                            >The mare is utterly obsessed with you, probably because of how incredibly attractive you are.

                                            >You handsome rogue, you~

                                            >Today, however, you have brief respite from her.

                                            >You can only hope that Spike is doing okay.


                                            >"Why wouldn't he watch me?! I was practising that play for days!"

                                            >Watch Twilight pace back and forth as you sit on her bed eating a bowl of tiny emeralds.

                                            >Stuff some in your mouth and talk over your food.

                                            "Maybe he juff dibn' like ih."

                                            >Twilight turns on you.

                                            >"How could he -not- like it, Spike? The Scalding Servant is arguably the best play ever written by ponykind! It's a masterpiece!"

                                            >Swallow your food.

                                            "Didn't seem so hot to me."

                                            >Twilight scowls at you.

                                            >Grin in response.

                                            >"So culture clearly doesn't work on him, what will?"

                                            "Why are you asking me?"

                                            >"Because you spend all day around him, Spike! You know him better than anyone in Ponyville! Even Pinkie Pie doesn't know Anon as well as you."

                                            >She puts on a huge fake smile and trots over to you, sitting on the bed and putting a hoof around you.

                                            >"Spiiiike~"

                                            >You shuffle uncomfortably.

                                            >"We're the best of friends, aren't we?"

                                            "I thought friends didn't make friends give weird massages. You also used to make me call you 'mommy' until I was seven."

                                            >She blinks a few times, but recovers quickly.

                                            >"C-can you please tell me what Anon looks for in a mare?"

                                            >Think to yourself.

                                            >A small smile finds its way onto your lips.

                                            "Oooh, well Anon -loves- the colour white."

                                            >Her ears perk up.

                                            >"Really?"

                                            "Oh yeah; he loves unicorns as well."

                                            >Twilight squeals with glee as she rubs her horn with a hoof in pride.

                                            "Let's see, he also likes gems, fashion, and fancy accents."

                                            >"That sound simple enou--..."

                                            >She develops a deadpan expression and gives you a look of severe disapproval.

                                            >You fall backwards and start laughing your heart out.

                                            >Twilight huffs, jumping off the bed.

                                            >"Not funny, Spike."

                                            "Hahaaa..."

                                            >Sit up and frown at her.

                                            "Oh come on, Twilight; just take him out on a date or something."

                                            >She turns to you with hopeful eyes.

                                            >"And he'd like that?"

                                            "Maybe. Try that place that Rarity likes, uhh, Restaurant P'knee or something."

                                            >Twilight nods slowly.

                                            >"And a date will make him love me, yes?"

                                            "Love isn't something that just happens, Twi."

                                            >"Pssh, come on, Spike; I've read hundreds of books on love, I know how it works."

                                            "I dunno, Twi; you -did- just re-enact an entire play. Last time I checked, ponies just gave each other gifts 'n stuff."

                                            >"And what better gift is there than the gift of culture?!"

                                            "That's not--"

                                            >"Shushushush. I'll take him out tonight!"

                                            >Twilight clops her hooves together happily.

                                            >"This'll be so much fun! And I'll do everything right. Spike! I need you to get me some parchment and some quills and ink."

                                            "...Why?"

                                            >"I need to plan this out! What if he says something I'm not prepared for during our date?"

                                            >Fall back onto the bed and sigh, staring up at the ceiling.

                                            "I feel sorry for Anon..."


                                            >Having had a shower, you emerge from the steam-filled bathroom and pull on a dressing gown.

                                            >Stretch and enjoy the warmth of the cotton gown, stomping downstairs and into the kitchen barefoot.

                                            >Make yourself a drink and walk into the living room to continue reading your book.

                                            >' The evolution of the pony: Why we're so great. ' by Hoofing Wonder.

                                            >It's pretty funny, honestly.

                                            >Enjoy the silence of your home as you read.

                                            >The gentle ticking of the wall clock you got as a house-warming gift is the only noticeable noise.

                                            >A window to your left is wide open, letting in a pleasant breeze.

                                            >Ponyville is surprisingly quiet this afternoon, so hardly any outside noise is present to interrupt you.

                                            >You're so engrossed in your book that you fail to notice the purple blob in the distance galloping towards your house.

                                            >Lick your finger and turn the page of your book.

                                            >' Chapter 5 : 50 more reasons why ponies are the best. '

                                            >' Reason 1-- '

                                            >"ANON!"

                                            >A unicorn leaps through your open window and smashes into your coffee table.

                                            >She takes a second to recover before looking up and beaming at you.

                                            >"Oh! F-fancy seeing you here!"

                                            >Close your book and set it aside.

                                            >Lean forward.

                                            >And attempt to kill Twilight Sparkle with the power of your mind.

                                            >Unfortunately, the pony is seemingly immune to the forces of hatred, so she takes your sudden attentiveness as a sign to continue.

                                            >"So I was wondering if um... Uhh, shoot!"

                                            >The pony laughs nervously and takes a second to pull out some flash cards, sifting through them as fast as she can whilst reading them, her eyes darting all over the cards.

                                            >You glance at the back of the cards.

                                            >An attractive looking orange pegasus is posing on the back of them.

                                            >Huh.

                                            >"DATE!"

                                            "JESUSFUCKING--"

                                            >"I wanted to take you on a date!"

                                            >Raise an eyebrow at her.

                                            "Why."

                                            >"Because that's what couples do!"

                                            "But we aren't a couple."

                                            >Twilight smirks.

                                            >"The dictionary definition of 'couple' is two persons."

                                            "...Together in a sexual relationship, yes."

                                            >"Nope!"

                                            "Your dictionary is shit and so are you. We're not dating."

                                            >"But we can go to a fancy restaurant!"

                                            "Nah."

                                            >"What about Restaurant P'knee?"

                                            "Isn't that like, ridiculously over-expensive?"

                                            >Twilight starts sweating.

                                            >"Not at all! I can afford it!"

                                            >Her face scrunches up.

                                            "How?"

                                            >"The library is doing good business!"

                                            "You can't make profit from a free service."

                                            >"I came into a lot of money!"

                                            "You sit in your room all day and write love letters to me."

                                            >"I have connections to Celestia!"

                                            "She's your teacher, not your mother."

                                            >"My mother is rich!"

                                            "She's a barista."

                                            >"...S-spike's poop is valuable!"

                                            "I'm not going with you, Twilight. Honestly, given that you just broke my coffee table and have been pestering me all week you can go fu--"

                                            >"I'll get Rarity to give you a lap dance."

                                            "I'll get my coat."


                                            "You sure you can afford this place? The doors are made of solid gold."

                                            >Squint at a window.

                                            "Apparently so are the waiters."

                                            >"Nonsense! It'll be fine! Come on, let's go."

                                            >You shrug and push open the door, letting Twilight walk in past you before letting it shut.

                                            >"Such a gentlecolt~"

                                            "Human, Twilight."

                                            >"Such a gentlehuman~"

                                            >Look around the room.

                                            >Nothing but gold everything and posh looking ponies.

                                            "Were there always this many rich people in Ponyville?"

                                            >"Of course! Ponyville is a centre of commerce and wealth!"

                                            >Look out the window.

                                            >Big Mac is dragging a cartload of shit through town.

                                            >A golden pony in a suit walks up to you both.

                                            >He jerks his nose so far up that you can't see his eyes.

                                            >"Welcome to Restaurant P'knee, do you have a reservation?"

                                            "No--"

                                            >"Yes! Right here!"

                                            >Twilight points at her name at the bottom of the list.

                                            >The pony glances at it, though you can't tell if that actually happened because you can't see his face, only his neck and lower jaw.

                                            >"Of course, ma'am; follow me."

                                            >Follow Twilight as she struts after the stallion, looking very pleased with herself.

                                            >Her tail flicks to the side and you get a brief glimpse at her goods.

                                            >Sit down at a table in the corner with her.

                                            >Literally everything here is made of gold.

                                            >Twilight rests her chin on her hooves and smiles at you.

                                            >A low buzz of hushed conversation permeates the background.

                                            >"So~"

                                            "How did you have a reservation?"

                                            >Twilight looks over her shoulder, then levitates a red crayon from under the table.

                                            >"I scribbled my name down on the list while you were looking out the window!"

                                            >Stare at her.

                                            "Yeah okay, that makes sense."

                                            >"Anyway, did you see anything you liked while we were getting our seats?~"

                                            "Mmm, I did; think maybe I'll have the soup? What do you think?"

                                            >Twilight frowns.

                                            >"N-nothing else?"

                                            "Nothing I can think of."

                                            >Twilight mutters 'dammit' under her breath and sighs.

                                            >She then picks up the menu.

                                            >Which is a solid gold slab with writing carved into it.

                                            >You pick up your own and look at the items.

                                            >Everything here is a pun for gold or some kind of precious ore.

                                            "...The fuck is 'gemstone soup'?"

                                            >"Ah, gemstone soup, excellent choice, sir."

                                            >Jump in your seat and look to the side.

                                            >A small pony with a large moustache notes down your choice.

                                            >"Anything else?"

                                            "When did you show up?"

                                            >"Just now, sir."

                                            >He turns to Twilight.

                                            >"And for the lady?"

                                            >Twilight smiles at the unusually short and purple pony.

                                            >"I shall have a hay ensemble with golden brown bread and salad, please."

                                            >The waiter nods and scribbles it down.

                                            >"A fitting choice for one as large as you, ma'am."

                                            >Cover your mouth with a hand and hide your abrupt laugh with a cough.

                                            >He takes the menus (visibly struggling) and waddles away, his pointed tail bouncing along as he goes.

                                            "Man, I swear I've seen that pony before."

                                            >Twilight glares at the waiter.

                                            >"I'm not fat."

                                            "He didn't say that, Twi."

                                            >"Am I fat?"

                                            "Nope."

                                            >Glance at her sides.

                                            >They're pretty plump, actually.

                                            >Twilight isn't the healthiest eater in the world.

                                            >Strange, given that ponies are vegetarian.

                                            >You'd think that all the fruit would make them skinny and hot, like Rarity.

                                            >But instead, Twilight is a plump little pony.

                                            >"Ahem."

                                            >You stop staring at her sides and back to her face.

                                            "Hm?"

                                            >"See anything you like?~"

                                            "Yeah, the soup. I just ordered it a second ago."

                                            >Twilight grinds her teeth together as you smile innocently at her.

                                            >"So. Are you single?"

                                            "You already know the answer to that."

                                            >"You haven't had a marefriend since you got here; aren't you lonely?"

                                            "Not really, why?"

                                            >"Ugh, I'm trying to imply that maybe you want a mare who loves you? A mare who wouldn't mind anything you did and love you unconditionally?"

                                            "You're right..."

                                            >Twilight beams.

                                            "...I really should ask Rarity out..."

                                            >Twilight's eye twitches.

                                            >"Ah! Rarity, excellent choice, sir."

                                            "FUGGEN-- Where do you keep coming from?!"

                                            >"It is my job to ensure that your evening goes perfectly well, sir."

                                            "That's... not what I asked, but thanks?"

                                            >The waiter looks straight at you, his lizard-like eyes staring into yours.

                                            >"If anything goes wrong, I am here to assist."

                                            "Th-thanks, mysterious pony."

                                            >Spike rolls his eyes and sets your soup on the table.

                                            >He then puts in front of Twilight--

                                            "Fucking really?"

                                            >Twilight starts sweating again.

                                            >She should get that checked out.

                                            >A "hay ensemble with golden brown bread and salad" sits before her.

                                            >Looks an awful lot like a burger.

                                            >"C-could I please have some tomato purée to go with--"

                                            >"Ketchup's already on it."

                                            >Spike grins at you and walks off.

                                            >You fist-bump him as he goes.

                                            >How your "date" hasn't realised that it's him yet is perplexing.

                                            >Twilight's forehead is glistening.

                                            >Turn back to her, smiling from ear to ear.

                                            "Something the matter, Sparkle?"

                                            >"N-not at all."

                                            >She looks around at the other ponies.

                                            >They're all eating expensive looking dishes.

                                            >She's eating a glorified burger.

                                            >You're eating soup with diamonds in it.

                                            >Though you don't know that until you raise your spoon to your mouth and nearly break all your teeth.

                                            >Cringe and lower the spoon again.

                                            >Try your best to scoop as much soup up without any diamonds.

                                            >Who the fuck even does this to -soup-?

                                            >"So umm... Read any good books lately?"

                                            "I'm reading something about why ponies are so great."

                                            >"And?"

                                            "Ponies aren't so great."

                                            >"What do you mean? We're the most civilised nation in Equestria!"

                                            >She angrily chews on her burger, ketchup smearing on her lips.

                                            "Yeah, but, you're all horses."

                                            >"Ponies."

                                            "Four-legged herbivores."

                                            >"Why does that matter?"

                                            "Eh, well Humans are omnivores, we can adapt."

                                            >"So can ponies! We live all over Equestria!"

                                            "So do griffins, last time I checked."

                                            >Twilight tries to talk over a stuffed mouthful of burger.

                                            >"But muh magic!"

                                            "Magic is dumb."

                                            >She chews as fast as she can before swallowing.

                                            >"You won't be saying that when I'm riding your dick tonight."

                                            "Literally an impossible outcome, but whatever you want to believe is fine."

                                            >Your date sighs.

                                            >"Anon?"

                                            >Gulp down some soup.

                                            >Feel a diamond graze your throat on the way down.

                                            "What."

                                            >"Why don't you like me?"

                                            >Oh man where to begin.

                                            "You're annoying, needy, clingy, obsessive, smelly, self-righteous, you'll never admit when you're wrong, are purple, awkward and leech off your parents for money rather than getting a proper job."

                                            >"I'm a librarian!"

                                            "Like I said, you won't get a proper job."

                                            >Twilight fumes.

                                            >"W-well you're not so good either, you know!"

                                            "Go ahead, I'm all ears."

                                            >"You're freakishly tall, look like a monkey, wear clothes all the time, you're rude, cynical, apathetic, lazy, you're a bad influence on Spike and you eat other animals!"

                                            "Then why are we dating?"

                                            >"Because as imperfect as you are I still love you!"

                                            >...

                                            >Twilight stares at you for a second longer, tears welling in her eyes.

                                            >Before you can speak she's fled from the room.

                                            >The posh ponies around you don't even take any notice.

                                            >Look back at where Twilight was once sat.

                                            >Her half-eaten burger rests on her plate.

                                            >Look down at your soup, which is starting to go cold.

                                            >Sigh and slouch in your seat.

                                            >"Is there a problem, sir?"

                                            >Look to the right.

                                            >Spike is there with his waiter's outfit and fake moustache still on.

                                            "Twilight ran off..."

                                            >"Yes, sir, it appears she has."

                                            >Spike looks around before leaning closer.

                                            >"She's pretty upset, Anon; not gonna lie, she hasn't been this hurt in a while."

                                            "What am I supposed to do, just brush aside all the annoyances and forgive her? She broke my coffee table, man."

                                            >"The one AJ gave you?"

                                            "Yeah."

                                            >"Sheesh. But still, you should probably go and apologise."

                                            >Scratch your head and grimace at the thought.

                                            "Where is she now?"

                                            >"Outside, crying."

                                            "...Can anyone see her?"

                                            >"Why does that matter?"

                                            "I uhh, don't want anyone to see her like that..."

                                            >Spike gives you a wry smile.

                                            >"I don't think so; better go outside before anyone does."

                                            >Stand up and glance at the burger, chewing your bottom lip in thought..

                                            "Can I have that to go?"


                                            >Push open the door and step outside.

                                            >The evening air is cool, but not unpleasant.

                                            >Look around for Twilight.

                                            >The restaurant is relatively out of the way, about a 2 minute walk from town.

                                            >As such there really isn't anyone around.

                                            >Hear a soft cry to the side.

                                            >Walk around the side of the restaurant, you see a large bush.

                                            >The bush sniffs and shudders.

                                            >Dropping into a squat, you squint at the leaves.

                                            "You in there, Twi?"

                                            >"...Go away..."

                                            >Crawl into the bush.

                                            >It's weirdly hollow inside, and Twilight is sat leant against the wall of the restaurant; shielded from view by the wall of leaves and twigs.

                                            >Pull your legs up against your chest and sit next to her.

                                            >She doesn't look at you for a while, and you both sit in silence, Twilight letting out the occasional sniff.

                                            >Carefully pull out a brown doggy-bag.

                                            "Saved your burger for you."

                                            >Twilight glances at it, then reaches forwards and takes it from you, holding it against herself.

                                            >"...Thanks..."

                                            >You stay still, the confines of the bush forcing you to keep your head lowered.

                                            >Twilight doesn't have that problem but for you it's extremely cramped.

                                            >Look down at your companion.

                                            >She's still staring at the floor, tears dropping onto her lap.

                                            >Gently reach over and put your hand on her shoulder.

                                            >She doesn't react.

                                            >Pull her closer to you, so that her head is leant against your side.

                                            >"D-did you... Mean those things?"

                                            >Shake your head and speak in a low, quiet tone.

                                            "No, of course I didn't."

                                            >Twilight sniffs.

                                            >"Th-that's okay then..."

                                            >She doesn't speak for another minute or two.

                                            >The feeling of her warm body pressed against you is quite comfortable, and given the chilly air it's nice to have a bit of warmth.

                                            >Twilight shuffles slightly, her body pressing against yours more.

                                            >"Anon?"

                                            "Yeah?"

                                            >"...Would it ever be possible for you to love me?"

                                            >Normally you would be out of that bush in a second, but as Twilight peers up at you with nervous eyes and tear-stained cheeks, you can't bring yourself to do it.

                                            >Instead, you smile warmly and squeeze her.

                                            "Maybe, Twilight. It would take work though."

                                            >Twilight tries to force out a small laugh.

                                            >"I-I'm good at working..."

                                            "Hardest worker there is."

                                            >She doesn't reply.

                                            "Twilight?"

                                            >"Yeah?"

                                            "Would you like to list off each others good points?"

                                            >She looks up at you again, a tiny smile on her lips.

                                            >"Yes please."

                                            >She gulps and begins with a wavering voice.

                                            >"You're handsome, intelligent and kind when you want to be, you've made Spike so happy in the short time you've been here and given him something I never could, a sort of father or brother figure. You read so many books and I find you so easy to talk to..."

                                            >She loses her smile.

                                            >"But you never want to talk, so..."

                                            >She trails off and opts not to finish her sentence.

                                            >After a second you start talking.

                                            "Dedicated, smarter than anyone else in town, content with life and cute as a button. You take life in your stride and always pick yourself up after a fall, you're honest, faithful, knowledgeable and even after everything I've done you've never once given up on me."

                                            >Look down at Twilight.

                                            >Her eyes are wide and her mouth is slightly open.

                                            >Lean down closer to her.

                                            "And you aren't smelly or fat in the slightest."

                                            >Lightly press your lips to hers.

                                            >She tenses up, unsure of what to do.

                                            >Before she can do anything, you've broken the kiss and sat up again.

                                            >The mare is motionless.

                                            >Stroke her face with a hand.

                                            >The unicorn goes a deep shade of red and start stammering.

                                            >As she babbles on, your mind wanders.

                                            >She's just as imperfect as you.

                                            >Rarity seems perfect compared to her, clean image and impeccable manners, but then again Rarity probably has some big secret anyway.

                                            >Maybe a dick.

                                            >Definitely a dick.

                                            >At least you know from experience that Twilight is female.

                                            >And hey, in time you might even grow to love her.

                                            >Put a finger to her lips and stop her mid-rant.

                                            "Come on, little miss librarian; let's get you home."


                                            >Sometimes beauty wears a mask of mediocrity.


                                            The End.