[FLUTTERRAPE] Spooky Adventure


                                            Originally uploaded to Pastebin: October 31st, 2014

                                            ---


                                            Choose Your Own Adventure stories are generally a terrible idea.

                                            Only losers write them.


                                            With that in mind, lets have a Choose Your Own Adventure story.


                                            Spooky edition.


                                            BOO!


                                            Spook'd ya.

                                            ---

                                            "FLEE IN TERROR, HEATHENS! YOUR RECKONING HAS COME!"

                                            >Applejack gives you a flat look.

                                            >Rainbow Dash raises an eyebrow.

                                            >Pinkie Pie's smile grows three sizes and you can almost feel her excitement hit you.

                                            >You literally do when she launches forwards from a standing position and slams into your chest.

                                            >"EEEEE! Ohmygosh, Anon! I'm so happy you're getting into the holiday spirit!"

                                            >Your ribs begin to crack as she squeezes you.

                                            >So this is how you die.

                                            >Before the sweet embrace of death takes you, Applejack steps in and starts scolding you.

                                            >"Now, Ah hope you aren't plannin' on goin' out like that, Anon."

                                            "Of course I am! It's Halloween!"

                                            >"Nightmare Night."

                                            "Same thing! And there's nothing wrong with this costume, it's perfectly fine!"

                                            >Applejack narrows her eyes at you.

                                            >"Your idea of 'fine' is worryin', and what exactly are you supposed to be?"

                                            >You sigh and give Applejack a defeated look.

                                            "I'm a headless horseman, obviously."

                                            >"You're completely naked an' wearin' a horsemask. Also, is that a sword?"

                                            "Yup."

                                            >"..."

                                            "..."

                                            >"PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON."

                                            "STOP BEING SO ANTI-FUN, FAGGLEJACK."

                                            >The mare tries to wrestle you to the floor so that she can tear your mask off.

                                            >Pinkie Pie joins in.

                                            >Rainbow Dash takes this opportunity to sneak a sip of whiskey from her flask when no one is looking.

                                            >"I didn't know you liked wrestling, Applejack!"

                                            >"Pinkie-- Ah'm tryin' to-- consarnetAnonjust, Ah'm tryin' to get this mask off!"

                                            "It's not a mask! This is who I really am!"

                                            >"AH WILL BEAT YOU, ANON."

                                            "STOP OPPRESSING ME."

                                            >This goes on for a good few minutes.

                                            >Applejack is suddenly pulled off you, and Pinkie, now devoid of any entertainment, goes off to find something to eat.

                                            >Rainbow Dash plants herself between you and Applejack.

                                            >"Look, Anon, just... Put some pants on, okay? You don't have to wear a shirt.

                                            "Can I keep the mask?"

                                            >"Yes, you can keep the stupid mask."

                                            "Can I keep my sword?"

                                            >"As long as you don't stab any foals with it."

                                            "Define 'stab'."

                                            >"...Give me the sword, Anon."

                                            >You hand it to Rainbow glumly and she hurls it into a box then slams the lid shut, locking it and giving Applejack the key.

                                            >Applejack regards her friend with shock.

                                            >"When did you get so responsible, Rainbow?"

                                            >Rainbow hiccups in response.


                                            >With your pants on and no evisceration utensil at your disposal, you find yourself stood out in the cold evening wearing shorts, a horsemask, and a pair of sandals.

                                            >Applejack stands beside you dressed as a farmer.

                                            >Rainbow Dash is dressed in a business suit.

                                            >Apparently she fears bureaucrats more than anything.

                                            >Pinkie Pie is wearing a bikini.

                                            >When asked why, she replies with:

                                            >"Everyone gets sexy on Nightmare Night!"

                                            >You glance at her yellow and blue striped panties, which are riding up her ass and revealing everything underneath.

                                            >Unf.

                                            >Applejack looks around at the town.

                                            >"Well, guess we'd better go an' enjoy the night. Waddya say, everyone, where should we go first?"


                                            ---

                                            Anonymous: "Tartarus"

                                            ---


                                            >"OH! LET'S GO TO THE APPLEBOBBING THINGY!"

                                            >You wince at Pinkie's screeching.

                                            >Applejack does too, but manages a smile.

                                            >"Sounds good to me! Waddya say, Rainbow?"

                                            >Rainbow Dash hastily puts away her whiskey.

                                            >"Uhh, where we go, it's gotta be safe."

                                            >Applejack raises an eyebrow.

                                            >"Beg pardon?"

                                            >Rainbow sniffs and wipes some dust off her shoulder-pad.

                                            >"I'm just saying. Applebobbing is fine, but there'd better be a proper health and safety procedure in place or else someone might get hurt."

                                            >Applejack stares at her.

                                            >Pinkie does as well, her smile all but gone.

                                            >Rainbow Dash sways slightly.

                                            >You clear your throat.

                                            "Shall we uhh, go then?"

                                            >The mares all agree and you set off towards the centre of town.

                                            >Frightening decorations and spooky costumes are all around you.

                                            >You're shivering with fear.

                                            >Though that might be the cold.

                                            >You're not wearing a shirt and your nipples are pretty fucking hard right now.

                                            >AJ stops the group and looks around, frowning.

                                            >"Huh. I'm sure it was around here somewhere..."

                                            "Maybe ask that guy?"

                                            >You point at a huge red hulking humanoid dressed in thick black plate armour.

                                            >He's got some tiny reading glasses on the end of his nose and he's reading a newspaper.

                                            >The group walks up to him.

                                            "Excuse me, sir?"

                                            >He looks up.

                                            "Do you know where the applebobbing is around here?"

                                            >The gentleman scratches his chin.

                                            >"I think it's back the way you came."

                                            "Oh. Well where are we now?"

                                            >You look around at the jagged red rocks and blood-stained chains.

                                            >The hulk stretches and scratches his armpit, nonchalantly waving a hand at a nearby sign.

                                            >' WELCOME TO TARTARUS - MIND THE DOG '

                                            "...Well damn. Now what?"


                                            ---

                                            Anonymous: "The group think's it's a costume party and don't take it seriously."

                                            ---


                                            >Everyone gathers around the sign.

                                            >Applejack looks sceptical.

                                            >"Ah'm sure I recognise this place. It's Mane Street, isn't it? That's the second hoof store over there!"

                                            >She points at a pile of skulls.

                                            >Pinkie Pie gasps.

                                            >"Maybe it's an anagram!"

                                            >She hastily gets to work on it.

                                            >You scratch your belly and look at Rainbow Dash.

                                            >Dash looks back.

                                            >You blink.

                                            >She now has her whiskey bottle planted between her lips.

                                            >Blink again.

                                            >It's gone.

                                            >Turn back to the red guy.

                                            "Sooo, Tartarus, huh?"

                                            >"Yup."

                                            "I like what you've done with the place. Very modern."

                                            >"Thanks."

                                            "...You like my costume?"

                                            >The guy folds back his newspaper and gives you a quick look.

                                            >Then goes back to reading.

                                            >"You'll fit in around here."

                                            >You raise an eyebrow, but before you can reply, Ponk pops up, giggling.

                                            >"I got it!"

                                            >A piece of paper is crammed into your vision.

                                            >' Tartarus -> Fuck Me '

                                            >"See! It totally works!"

                                            >You hand Pinkie back her paper and calmly walk back to Rainbow Dash.

                                            "Got some more of that whiskey?"

                                            >Before she can reply, a finger taps you on the shoulder.

                                            >The red guy is towering behind you.

                                            >"You've overstayed your welcome. Come on, you have to come with me."

                                            "Yeah just a second, buddy."

                                            >Rainbow Dash clings to her bottle and shakes her head.

                                            >"It's my insurance!"

                                            "...Are you feeling okay?"

                                            >Redman stomps his foot.

                                            >"You've come all the way here, you might as well come inside."

                                            >Dismiss him with a hand.

                                            "I don't want to come inside. Rainbow Dash?"

                                            >"Nu uh, my booze."

                                            >Applejack is still trapped in her own thoughts.

                                            >"Maybe it's... Hooven Avenue...?"

                                            "AJ, Rainbow won't share her booze."

                                            >"Yeah... Yeah... Give Anon his booze, Rainbow..."

                                            >Pinkie Pie shoves more paper into your arms.

                                            >' Tartarus -> Pinkie's Plushy Ponut '

                                            >' Tartarus -> Seduce the Pink One '

                                            >' Tartaurs -> Bend me over and a take me to Funky Town '

                                            >Give Pinkie a worried look.

                                            >She grins back.

                                            >"It's amazing how they're all anagrams of the same word!"

                                            "Y-you too. Rainbow, booze."

                                            >"Take it up with management."

                                            "Fuckin--"


                                            Rainbow won't give you booze, Applejack is out of order, Pinkie is coming onto you and the red dude wants you to come into him. What do you do?


                                            ---

                                            Anonymous: "Take the three and go inside to make Demonbro get off our backs."

                                            ---


                                            >"IF YOU DON'T COME INSIDE I'LL--"

                                            "Shit, man, keep your hair on."

                                            >The guy fumes at you and readjusts his hat.

                                            "You're getting way too into character, just lay off for a second."

                                            >"Into... Character?"

                                            "Yeah, you're not really a demon, so chill."

                                            >The 'demon' blinks a few times, then shakes his head.

                                            >"Look, it's my job to bring all that come here inside so we can, you know, torture them and stuff."

                                            >You pause in your efforts to rip the bottle out of Rainbow's hooves whilst she screams like a little girl and punches you in the stomach repeatedly.

                                            "Wait a second. This is..."

                                            >You glance at the sign again.

                                            >Then at the second-hoof skull pile.

                                            >Then at the giant red monstrosity wearing reading glasses.

                                            "Ohhh shit!"

                                            >Stand up.

                                            "Hey guys! This place is a haunted house!"

                                            >The girls all cheer.

                                            >Pinkie more than the others.

                                            >"I -LOVE- HAUNTED HOUSES!"

                                            >Applejack chuckles.

                                            >"Well how about that! Ya'll have done a mighty fine job of fixin' the place up; Ah barely recognise it! Don't tell me, it -was- Mane Street, wasn't it?"

                                            >Rainbow Dash approaches the demon casually.

                                            >By that you mean she stumbles over, completely out of her own mind.

                                            >"Haz thiss place got... Fiiire insurance?"

                                            >The demon scratches his face.

                                            >"Uhh, I don't think we really need it. Fires happen all the time here."

                                            >Rainbow gasps.

                                            >"Y-you need it! It'll cover your ass-ets if any accidents happ-nen!"

                                            >She hiccups.

                                            >Then turns to you.

                                            >"A-anon, we have to inspect thiz place for fire hazardss..."

                                            >The mare sways on the spot, then makes her way towards the gates of hell.

                                            >Applejack happily trots after her.

                                            >Pinkie Pie walks behind Applejack and in front of you, swaying her hips.

                                            >Pass the big guy, patting him on the arm as you pass.

                                            "Nice costume, man, seriously."

                                            >The demon stares at his hands.

                                            >"...A-Am I not a demon?"


                                            And so you all trek into the 'Haunted House'. What will you find? What horrors await?


                                            ---

                                            At this point, 3 people all got '6' at the end of their posts in a row.

                                            Because the devil himself now reads fanfiction, I was inclined to do all 3.


                                            Anonymous: "They think they find some of those bowls that have fake eyeballs and stuff in them. Pinkie makes an innuendo."


                                            Smudgey: "They find someone they know already in there, turns out he/she is in charge."


                                            Anonymous: "They see a three headed dog, a guy that looks like that jerk Tirek who's flipping them off from his cage, and some really awesome animatronics of Ponies hanging from the walls looking like they're impaled, tortured or various body organs being exposed and/or hanging out of them as they scream for death that they cannot have."

                                            ---


                                            >The inside of the haunted house is as you expected it.

                                            >Fucking awesome.

                                            >They went all out with the decorations here.

                                            >More skulls, some of them Griffon, Minotaur and even Diamond dog.

                                            >One of the dog skulls is wearing an eyepatch and has a beard.

                                            >Damn, you love pirates.

                                            >Pinkie can't contain herself.

                                            >"Anon! Look at that! Ohmygosh, look at -this-! Ooooh, look at these!"

                                            >She's actually just pointing to various parts of her body.

                                            >You try to ignore her as best you can.

                                            >The heat in here is starting to make you sweat.

                                            >Rainbow Dash seems to have found her first problem.

                                            >"Ahhhh... HA! Looks at thiss!"

                                            >She gestures at a wall.

                                            >A stallion with his eyes gouged out is hanging from it, his intestines dangling out and his lower jaw missing.

                                            >He makes a gurgling noise and you hear raspy breath coming from him.

                                            >"Hheeeeeellll... p..."

                                            "Yeah, this place -does- look like hell, doesn't it?"

                                            >Applejack rolls her eyes.

                                            >"It's an animatronic, Anon, it can't hear ya."

                                            "Oh yeah."

                                            >You pass other animatronics, all just as mangled and bloodsoaked.

                                            >Rainbow is marking off each one on a piece of paper.

                                            >"All these are a selth and hafety hazard..."

                                            >You look over her shoulder.

                                            >She's drawing pony butts all over the page.

                                            >Applejack clops her hooves excitedly, drawing you attention from Rainbow.

                                            >"Look! Anon! They have apple-bobbin'!"

                                            "Finally!"

                                            >You all waltz over and stare at the murky bowl.

                                            >It's a huge vat of what you assume is water.

                                            >Eyeballs float on it.

                                            "Eyes, very nice touch. They look so real!"

                                            >Applejack, wasting no time, dives in and starts gnashing around under the water for some eyeballs.

                                            >You turn to the red guy, who was stood by you.

                                            "So what's your name anyway?"

                                            >"Oh, uhh, Helrock."

                                            "Of course it is... Anyway, how much did all this cost?"

                                            >You gesture at the animatronics and decorations.

                                            >He cocks his head.

                                            >"...Cost?"

                                            "Well yeah, can't have been cheap to do all this. It barely even looks like a house anymore."

                                            >Helrock gives you a peculiar look.

                                            >"But... But it's Tartarus! It didn't -cost- anything!"

                                            "Ugh, seriously, get out of character, you're not a demon."

                                            >Turn back to Applejack, attempts to get an eyeball

                                            >Helrock looks at his reflection in the water, his expression distant and contemplative.

                                            >"...I'm not a demon..."

                                            >With a gasp, Applejack emerges, an eyeball in her mouth.

                                            >"Ka Gaaa!"

                                            >She spits it out.

                                            >"Euugh! They even taste like eyes!"

                                            >The mare giggles happily.

                                            >"Oooh, ah'm havin' such a good time!"

                                            >You pluck the eyeball from the floor and hold it out to Applejack.

                                            "Hey, AJ. You're the apple of my eye~"

                                            >She snorts and lightly punches you in the leg.

                                            >"Get outta here, Anon..."

                                            >You laugh and drop the eyeball back into the water.

                                            >Glance at Pinkie Pie.

                                            >She's staring at you intensely.

                                            >Then slowly shakes her head.

                                            >...Yup, really hot in here...

                                            >"HELROCK! WHAT IS THIS!"

                                            >Your head snaps up.

                                            >The other girls look up in confusion.

                                            >Even Rainbow Dash seems shocked, despite her inebriation.

                                            >You all look at the far side of the room.

                                            >In through the door, with her hair done up in a neat bun and clutching a clipboard, wearing a headband with some small red devil horns on it and wearing little plastic fangs over her teeth--

                                            >Walks Rarity.


                                            What do you do?


                                            ---

                                            Anonymous: "Panic. You just had a one-night stand with her two days ago."

                                            ---


                                            >SHIT.

                                            >You throw yourself into the eyeball tub.

                                            >Pinkie follows you in, shedding her bikini in the process.

                                            >Rainbow Dash hides behind Applejack as the farmer takes a wave to the face.

                                            >She glares at you from under her dripping hat.

                                            >Rarity trots over, unamused at the commotion.

                                            >"What's all thi-- Applejack?! Rainbow Dash!"

                                            >Pinkie Pie re-emerges from the water.

                                            >"And me! Hi Rarity!"

                                            >Rarity seems unnerved.

                                            >"Wh-what are you all doing here? How did you get in?"

                                            >She shoots a glare at Helrock.

                                            >He's not paying attention, and is talking to himself.

                                            >"...Who -am- I?..."

                                            >Applejack walks forward and hugs Rarity, getting the seamstress quite wet.

                                            >"We jus' found this haunted house! Did you put all this together, Rare? It sure is somethin'!"

                                            >Rarity blinks.

                                            >"Beg your pardon; haunted house?"

                                            >AJ nods.

                                            >"Yup! Must admit, it's pretty amazin' how you pulled this off."

                                            >She nudges Rarity.

                                            >"But ah'd never expect anythin' but the best from you, Rare~"

                                            >Rarity forgets her confusion to swell with pride.

                                            >"Well, -someone- around here appreciates my work! Thank you, Applejack! Would you like a tour?"

                                            >"Sure!"

                                            >Rarity gestures at Rainbow Dash.

                                            >"Rainbow? Care to join us?"

                                            >Rainbow nods sluggishly and slips another swig of whiskey in when no one is looking.

                                            >Pinkie Pie rejects her invitation.

                                            >"No thanks, Rarity, I'm having a -splash- in this pool!"

                                            >She giggles at her own horrible pun.

                                            >Rarity nods and leads Applejack away with Rainbow Dash.

                                            >Once you're sure they're gone, you rise from the depths of the tub, Pinkie Pie sat on your head and rising with you.

                                            >"Oof, your head sure is comfy, Anon~"

                                            >It just got a bit warmer up there.

                                            >...Eww.

                                            "Yeah, great, listen, we can't let Rarity find me."

                                            >"Aww, why not? She's our friend!"

                                            "Kinda, yeah, but we sort of had a thing the other night."

                                            >"Oh! What kind of thing?"

                                            >Pinkie peers down at you, leaning forward and looking at you upside down.

                                            "Well... You know."

                                            >"What?"

                                            >She smiles innocently.

                                            "We did the uhh, horizontal monster mash."

                                            >"You did the mash?"

                                            "We did the monster mash."

                                            >"The monster mash?"

                                            "It was a bedroom smash."

                                            >"You did the mash?"

                                            "I fucked Rarity, Pinkie."

                                            >...

                                            >Pinkie's head rotates 180 degrees so that she's still looking down at you, but her head is the right way up.

                                            >"I see."

                                            "N-not that it was consensual or anything! She raped me!"

                                            >GETTING HOT AGAIN.

                                            >Pinkie narrows her eyes.

                                            >"And you didn't enjoy it?"

                                            >God yes you did, she's so tight holy sh--

                                            "Nope. Not one bit. She's so loose. And aggressive."

                                            >So aggressive~

                                            >...

                                            "..."

                                            >"...Okie dokie lokie! We gotta get Rainbow and Applejack out of here then or Rarity will rape them too!"

                                            "That's not--"

                                            >"Come on, Anon! We need to save our friends and then fuck in this tub!"

                                            "Ye-- What?"

                                            >"Come -on-!"


                                            And so the quest to save Applejack and Rainbow Dash from the clutches of the potentially evil and very 'horny' heh Rarity begins.


                                            How do you start?


                                            ---

                                            Anonymous: "I think we can almost do anything, as long as it worsens Helrock's Existential Crisis. This is fucking golden. First, we need to assemble our Recon gear."

                                            ---


                                            "Shit, Pancake, calm down. We can't just go running in there."

                                            >"Why not?"

                                            "Or it'll be super awkward since I just sort of cleared off the morning after Rarity and I had s-- after she raped me and I escaped."

                                            >Pinkie nods.

                                            >"It's okay, Anon. I understand. I'm here for you."

                                            >She hugs your face and nuzzles you.

                                            >...

                                            "Y-you can stop now."

                                            >"God you smell so good, Anon."

                                            >She loudly sniffs you.

                                            >Shudder and climb out the tub.

                                            "Alright, so we're gonna need somethin--"

                                            >A pair of giant meaty red hands grab you.

                                            >Before you know it, you're staring into the crazed face of Helrock.

                                            >"WHAT AM I."

                                            "I-I don't know! Two dwarves in a demon costume?!"

                                            >He doesn't say anything for a few seconds.

                                            >Instead, his grip loosens and he straightens up.

                                            >"It..."

                                            >He sighs.

                                            >"It all makes sense... Thank you, small one horse-headed one."

                                            >Helrock solemnly walks away and into a room, locking the door behind him.

                                            >Look left at Pinkie, who's still sniffing your face and shuddering.

                                            "Think he'll be okay?"

                                            >"He'll be fine. Just like you are~"

                                            >...

                                            >"You're fiiii--"

                                            "I got it the first time. We're gonna need disguises."

                                            >Pinkie gasps and instantly lets go.

                                            >"Oh! I'm the best at disguises! This one time my friends went behind my back and organised this massive secret birthday party for me so I dressed up as Spongebob Squarepants in a trenchcoat and a fake pair of glasses!"

                                            >Stare at her.

                                            >"Gummy helped!"

                                            >Keep staring.

                                            >"...W-wear this."

                                            >She hands you a small box.

                                            >Opening it, you find a bright pink bikini.

                                            >Look back up at Pinkie.

                                            >She's breathing heavily.

                                            >"P-put it on."

                                            >Toss it over your shoulder.

                                            "Got anything more, I dunno, stealthy?"

                                            >She shrugs and points to the side.

                                            >"Found those night vision goggles and latex suits while you were checking out the bikini, I guess."

                                            >...

                                            "...Those will do nicely."

                                            >A few minutes later, you grab your crotch and tug a bit.

                                            "Bit... Tight, aren't they?"

                                            >Pinkie jiggles her butt.

                                            >You can hear the latex tightening around her cheeks.

                                            >"Feels fine to me~"

                                            >You really didn't need that fetish, but here you are.

                                            "Alright, so what's the plan."

                                            >"Stalk Rarity, find out where she lives, learn her routine, kidnap her family members, torture them for information, silence them when we have what we want, then break into Rarity's house and wait for her to get back, lock the doors, use knock-out gas to take her down, then bring her to a hidden place where no one will find us and squirt lemon juice in her eyes."

                                            "Lemon juice."

                                            >"Yes."

                                            "You're fucking sick."

                                            >"Mare's gotta do what she's gotta do to protect her man."

                                            "...So what's the actual plan?"


                                            Well? What -is- the actual plan?


                                            ---

                                            Anonymous: "Save the universe first, scratch our balls second."

                                            ---


                                            "So we'll follow her, but keep our distance. We need to know where the exit is first if we want to save Applejack and Rainbow."

                                            >You and Ponk are led in the dirt drawing diagrams.

                                            >Pinkie looks over her shoulder.

                                            >"Why can't we just go back the way we came?"

                                            "She'll be expecting that."

                                            >Pinkie nods.

                                            >"That's agreeable. So we find the exits, then how do we get the girls back?"

                                            "Ahh, that's my master plan, we'll just--"

                                            >At that moment, a nearby wall explodes, revealing an orange pegasus with a blue mane, who is surrounded by hot mares.

                                            >The mares all let out a shout when the dust settles.

                                            >"FLASH! AAAAAAA! SAVIOUR OF THE UNIVERSE!"

                                            >'Flash' steps forward.

                                            >"I heard... That there were mares that needed saving. I would be more than happy to ahh..."

                                            >He flicks his hair back and winks at Pinkie.

                                            >"Save them~."

                                            >Pinkie shuffles closer to you.

                                            >"I don't like this guy, Anon."

                                            "I dunno..."

                                            >You watch as Flash flexes and makes his mares giggles.

                                            "...He seems legit."

                                            >You clear your throat, getting Flash's attention.

                                            "So uhh, what can you do?"

                                            >"Didn't you hear? I'm--"

                                            >"FLASH! AAAAAAA! SAVIOUR OF THE UNIVERSE!"

                                            "Well yeah, but what can you -do-?"

                                            >"FLASH! AAAAAAA! HE'LL SAVE EVERY ONE OF US!"

                                            >Flash grins, his pristine white teeth catching the light.

                                            >You look at Pinkie.

                                            >She looks at you.

                                            >...


                                            >Lean back and sigh as you smoke a cigarette, your arm resting on the rim of the eyeball water tub.

                                            >To the left of you, Pinkie is holding Flash's head under the water until he stops moving.

                                            >When he does so, she tosses him in.

                                            >You flick the cigarette in with the stallion and nod at the door at the far end of the room.

                                            "Shall we go?"

                                            >Pinkie scratches her chin.

                                            >"I dunno, I think we might have missed a few choir mares.

                                            "Fuck 'em, they won't last in here anyway."

                                            >"Guess we'd better save the girls then."

                                            "Yeah w-- oh, just a sec."

                                            >You reach down and scratch your balls.

                                            "Alright, let's party."


                                            What now?


                                            ---

                                            Anonymous: "Use your bitchin seven seater, fire breathing dragon tricycle named Steven to get to them out of there"

                                            Anonymous: "Jesus Christ, what? I choose this" (Rolled and wanted the above post)

                                            ---


                                            >You proceed through the door after Rarity, your trustworthy(?) companion bouncing happily at your side, enjoying the feeling of the black latex squeezing every part of her; her every curve outlined, her cheeks rubbing together through the latex, her every contour jumping out at you, begging to be caressed--

                                            >You walk into a wall.

                                            >Pinkie stops bouncing.

                                            >"You okay, Anon."

                                            "Y-yeah, sure."

                                            >Remove your face from the rock and look around.

                                            "How far have we come?"

                                            >"Quite a while, I think. I wasn't really paying attention, I was counting how many animatronic ponies there were."

                                            >You look around.

                                            >There are indeed a lot.

                                            >One of them reaches out, desperately trying to get your attention.

                                            >Pull away slightly.

                                            "Sorry man, no change."

                                            >You continue on and enter a large chamber.

                                            >Like, a -really- large chamber.

                                            >...

                                            "Holy shit."

                                            >An absolutely massive cavern filled with demon cosplayers just like Helrock greets you.

                                            >The cacophony of screaming and the smell of flesh hits you.

                                            >Cover your nose.

                                            >Pinkie winces.

                                            >"Eww... Reminds me of pre-school..."

                                            "Heh, good one. But seriously, this is horrible. How are we going to find Applejack and Rainbow now? They could be anywhere!"

                                            >"If only we hadn't killed Flash. He could have saved every one of us..."

                                            "Knock it off. I'm sure we'll think of something. Let's just sit here and wait for something to happen."

                                            >And so you wait.

                                            >And something does indeed happen.

                                            >Something beyond words.


                                            >As you get beaten at Tic Tac Toe for the 18th time in a row by Pinkie, a nearby guard screams in terror.

                                            >"ACK! SOMEONE LEFT THE GARAGE DOOR OPEN!"

                                            >More screams follow, as well as the noise of an engine roaring to life.

                                            >A lo, tearing down the path towards you, a bitchin' seven seater, fire breathing dragon tricycle comes screeching to a halt next to you and Pinkie.

                                            >"Hop in, nerds. Let's go punch people."

                                            >Share a look with Pinkie.

                                            >Let out a cheer and jump in.

                                            >The tricycle takes off down the road, crushing demons under his wheels and unleashing a stream of white-hot fire at everything nearby.

                                            >As you pass a melting demon, you hear his final words.

                                            >"IF ONLY WE HAD FIRE INSURANCE!"

                                            >Pank holds onto you for dear life as you ride the trike through the depths of the haunted house.

                                            >Something catches your eye as the trike bulldozes his way through a small mob of demons.

                                            "Hey... Is that...?"

                                            >Nudge Pinkie.

                                            "Pinkie, is that... Carousel Boutique?"

                                            >Penk squints at the small white blob in the distance.

                                            >"I think it is! That must be where Rarity is!"

                                            "A haunted house inside a haunted house. This is pretty amazing, isn't it?"

                                            >"It must have cost so much money to make!"

                                            >The unholy vehicle violently changes course and heads straight for the shop.

                                            >It comes to an abrupt stop outside.

                                            >"Stopping here? S'cool. I'm gonna go get laid. Peace out, faglords."

                                            >The tricycle revs a few times then takes off, a trail of fire following him.

                                            >You take a deep breath and look up at the clothes shop, surrounded by red rock and distant screaming.

                                            >Turn to Pinkie.

                                            "You ready?"

                                            >She pulls her night-vision goggles down.

                                            >"Let's do this."

                                            >Nod and reach for the door handle.

                                            >With a surge of confidence, you push open the door and run inside.


                                            What do you find?


                                            ---

                                            Seinfeld: "Kramer"

                                            ---


                                            >You immediately strike a combat pose.

                                            >Pinkie assumes the Stance of the Crane.

                                            >...

                                            >But there's no one around to see how sweet you both look.

                                            >Dissatisfied with the turn-out, you both look around.

                                            >"Kinda dark, don't you think?"

                                            "Yeah, we should turn on the lights."

                                            >Walk over to a wall and flick on the light switch.

                                            >The lights come on, then immediately blow out.

                                            >Once more you are plunged into darkness.

                                            >Pinkie groans.

                                            >You shake your head.

                                            >Peering closer, you make out "Equestrian Electronics" on the light switch.

                                            "That's the problem."

                                            >"What?"

                                            >Pinkie comes closer.

                                            >Gesture to the switch.

                                            "Faulty switch. Wouldn't have happened if Rarity had installed a Kramer."

                                            >"What's a Kramer?"

                                            "Kramer Electronics. The company was founded to enter the video era with innovative products driven by professional customer needs. Today, they have a line of over 1,000 products. Every one of them was developed through extensive R&D and customer feedback. This is what keeps Kramer Electronics ahead. Listening to, and acting on, customer feedback sets our products apart from others. They have built their reputation on this."

                                            >Pinkie gasps.

                                            >"They sound amazing!"

                                            "They strive for perfection in a competitive industry, constantly evolving to meet the rising tide of customer demands head on. They're professional, and you know you're going to get a good product when you go Kramer™."

                                            >Your turn away from the disgusting flawed electrical switch and walk into the next room.

                                            >To your shock, you find Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack all sat around a table drinking coffee.

                                            >Rarity seems horrified.

                                            >Applejack waves at you.

                                            >Rainbow Dash face-plants the table.

                                            >"ANONYMOUS."

                                            "SHIT. RARITY."

                                            >"Pinkie Pie!"

                                            >Slap Pinkie.

                                            "Think of something, quick!"


                                            Quick! Before bad things happen!


                                            ---

                                            Anonymous: "Jump on the table they're shitting at."

                                            ---


                                            >"ANON QUICK! ON THE TABLE!"

                                            >You both sprint across the room and leap onto the table.

                                            >Applejack and Rainbow Dash are so scared at your display of power that they void their bowels.

                                            >Rainbow Dash even throws up all the alcohol she was drinking, thus bringing her captivating character arc to a close.

                                            >Rarity screams at the sudden smell and stumbles backwards.

                                            >She trips over her chair, however, and goes crashing to the floor.

                                            >Where she then shits herself.

                                            >The smell of horse poop fills the air.

                                            >Pinkie frantically looks around for an escape route.

                                            >"THEY'VE DEPLOYED POISON GAS! WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!"

                                            >You desperately search for something that will help you out.

                                            >See the kitchen window.

                                            "There! We can get out through there!"

                                            >Pinkie looks at the gap between the table and the kitchen counter.

                                            >"B-but it's too far! And there's poop on the floor between it!"

                                            >You swallow the bile in your throat and tremble as you grip Pinkie's shoulders.

                                            "Then... I guess this is it, Pinkie."

                                            >You hold her close.

                                            >She buries her face in your chest and weeps.

                                            >"I-I don't wanna die, Anon!"

                                            "I'm sorry, Pinkie. But there's no way in hell this can work out for us."

                                            >She sniffs.

                                            >"G-good pun, Anon."

                                            "Th-thanks."

                                            >Just as you accept your imminent death by foul gas, the floor explodes.

                                            >"HEEYOOOOOOO!"

                                            >Two dwarves climb out of the hole, beards fully and bellies fuller.

                                            >They carry giant pick-axes and are wearing elaborate golden armour.

                                            >"YA'RIGHT, LADS? HEARD YOU WERE HAVIN' A BITTA BOTHER."

                                            "Wh-what. What?!"

                                            >"LAD! IT'S ME! HELROCK!"

                                            "..."

                                            >"YOU WERE RIGHT! I WAS TWO DWARVES THE WHOLE TIME!"

                                            "JESUS CHRIST."

                                            >"QUICK! GET IN ME GREAT GAPIN' DIRTY HOLE!"

                                            >Throwing caution to the wind, you and Pinkie jump from the table and into the dwarf-hole in the kitchen floor.

                                            >As you do so, Rarity comes to her senses and realises that it was infact you that just showed up.

                                            >"ANONYMOUS! GET BACK HERE THIS -INSTANT-!"


                                            What do you do?


                                            ---

                                            Anonymous: "Shit."

                                            ---


                                            >Overcome with fear, you shit yourself.

                                            >The dwarf-hole begins to smell even worse than it did before.

                                            >Pinkie turns to you, her face a picture of disgust.

                                            >"...Anon?"

                                            "Uhh. It was Helrock."

                                            >One of the Helrocks shakes his head.

                                            >"Wasn't me, lad; it was you."

                                            >You hang your head in shame and climb out of the pit.

                                            >Rarity sniffs the air as you climb out.

                                            >"Anonymous did you... ah, have an 'accident'?"

                                            "I'm not a child, Rarity. But yes, I did."

                                            >"Ah."

                                            "Mmm."

                                            >"This is awkward."

                                            "Yu-- wait no it's not, didn't you just shit yourself?"

                                            >Rarity goes red.

                                            >Applejack clears her throat.

                                            >"Seems like we're all in the same boat."

                                            >Pinkie raises her hoof.

                                            >"I'm not!"

                                            >The two Helrocks agree with her.

                                            "Well most of the people in this room shit themselves. I don't know why, but it happened."

                                            >Pinkie taps her chin, a thoughtful look in her eye.

                                            >"It's as though some sick twisted deity decided that we should all poop ourselves at this very moment in time!"

                                            >A minute passes in silence.

                                            >Then Pinkie also shits herself.

                                            >She goes a deep shade of red, but you don't even care anymore.

                                            >By now you're just accustomed to the smell and since everyone is equally as ashamed, it's not so bad.

                                            >Rub your temples and sigh.

                                            "Are... Are we all done? Anyone else going to shit themselves?"

                                            >No one answers.

                                            >...

                                            >The one of the Helrocks shuffles uncomfortably.

                                            "Oh for fucks sake, this is so juvenile."

                                            >Rarity rubs your leg with a hoof sympathetically.

                                            >"There there, Anonymous. We can all use my bathroom to clean up."

                                            "For real?"

                                            >"For real."


                                            >Two hours later, you, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and two dwarves both named Helrock are sat around the now pristine kitchen table.

                                            "Okay. So uhh, now what?"

                                            >Rarity cocks her head.

                                            >"What do you mean?"

                                            "Well, I've saved Rainbow and Appleja--"

                                            >Rainbow cuts you off.

                                            >"You didn't."

                                            "...Rainbow and Applejack are accounted for, and it's still Nightmare Night. Now what?"


                                            Now what, Anons?


                                            ---

                                            Anonymous: "Fuck yourself with a rake sideways"

                                            ---


                                            >...

                                            >You all ponder what to do for the next few hours.

                                            >Suddenly, Rainbow Dash slams her hoof on the table, making you all jump.

                                            >She takes a moment to gather her thoughts, then points at no one particular.

                                            >"Take-out?"

                                            "Hell yeah."


                                            >The giant red hulking delivery boy hops on his scooter and speeds off back into the depths of the haunted house.

                                            >You hand out the food and all of you tuck in.

                                            >Everyone is chatting, laughing, and eating.

                                            >Rarity is giving tips to the dwarves on how to make their armour even more rad.

                                            >Applejack is trying to hit on said mare.

                                            >Rainbow Dash is pouring whiskey on her food then eating it.

                                            >Pinkie Pie is feeling your leg under the table.

                                            >All in all, it's a wonderful meal.

                                            >Once you all finish, Pinkie reveals the last portion.

                                            >"Fortune cookies~!"

                                            >You all take one and crack them open.

                                            >Rainbow Dash reads hers out first.

                                            >"Good fortune comes to those who aren't massive flaming homosexuals."

                                            >She frowns.

                                            >"What's that supposed to mean?!"

                                            >Applejack chuckles and reads out her own.

                                            >"No one likes a..."

                                            >She goes much quieter.

                                            >"N-no one likes apples..."

                                            >She holds her head in her hooves.

                                            >"If it was in a fortune cookie, does that mean it's true?!"

                                            >Rarity reads hers out next.

                                            >"Your dresses are in this season!"

                                            >She beams at her friends, then continues.

                                            >"...If your dresses were from eight years ago."

                                            >...

                                            >"I'm saying your dresses suck."

                                            >Rarity tosses her fortune onto the table with a huff.

                                            >"Well, I didn't topple the dark lord of this place to be insulted by a biscuit!"

                                            >Pinkie opens hers next.

                                            >"You have cancer."

                                            >Everyone goes quiet.

                                            "...Pinkie, you have cancer?"

                                            >Pinkie's ears go flat against her head.

                                            >"I-I don't think so...  Who says these cookies are even true, right?"

                                            >You give her a sad look.

                                            >She looks back at her fortune again.

                                            >Then perks up.

                                            >"Hey! I misread it! It says I -am- cancer!"


                                            >Everyone brightens up.

                                            >"Oh, that's much better, darling!"

                                            >"Aye, that's better!"

                                            >"Ah reckon that's a lot fairer."

                                            >"Anyone got anymore booze?"

                                            "Congrats on the cancer, Ponk."

                                            >The Helrocks open theirs next.

                                            >They both stare at them for a long time.

                                            "Well? What do they say?"

                                            >"..."

                                            >One Helrock speaks.

                                            >"...We aren't actually dwarves, we're two fillies in dwarf costumes each."

                                            >...

                                            "...God, it's just -not- your day today, is it?"

                                            >Everyone turns to you.

                                            >You look down at the cookie in your hands, the slip of paper within it's cracked confines looking out at you.

                                            >Gulping, you pluck it out and read it.

                                            "Go fuck yourself with a rake sideways."

                                            >...

                                            >Rarity tuts.

                                            >"Well that's just rude."

                                            >Pinkie agrees.

                                            >"Totally, if anyone's going to be fucking Anon, it's me!"

                                            >She beams at you.

                                            >You try to forget that she's still wearing latex.

                                            "Welp, I'd say that this was a pretty good meal, wouldn't you guys?"

                                            >Everyone agrees.

                                            >You check your watch, and see that it's just hit midnight.

                                            >Nightmare Night is over.

                                            >You stand up, stretching.

                                            "This was fun, everyone. We should do it again sometime. Rainbow, Applejack, you coming back with me?"

                                            >They both shake their heads.

                                            >"Nah, we're gonna crash here. I need to find more booze and Applejack just drugged Rarity so she'll want to take advantage of that."

                                            >Rarity seems shocked.

                                            >"Wait, wha--..."

                                            >She drops to the floor, fast asleep.

                                            >Applejack sighs happily and trots over to her, gripping her tail and slinging the pony over her back.

                                            >She turns to you.

                                            >"What?"

                                            "W-well, umm..."

                                            >"Wouldn't be much of an adventure without some rape, would it?"

                                            >She chuckles to herself and prances off to Rarity's room.

                                            >Rainbow Dash flies over to the dwarves and puts her arms around them.

                                            >"Hey guys... I'm drunk, and you both have fingers. Waddya say?"

                                            >Before either dwarf can reply, they drop to the floor and start convulsing.

                                            >You watch in abject horror as their bodies split open, and out come--

                                            >"Applebloom! You said we wouldn't be in there for long!"

                                            >"Well ah'm sorry for overestimatin' it, Sweetie Belle! But ah had to sit on your horn for hours and mah butt is sore!"

                                            >Babs Seed emerges from her own dwarf suit with Scootaloo.

                                            >"I tells ya, that was somethin' I'd nevah like to do again!"

                                            >Scootaloo rubs her neck and winces.

                                            >"You can say that again... Who thought this was a good idea?"

                                            >The other fillies point at Applebloom, who gives them an indignant huff.

                                            >"Ah'd like to see ya'll come up with a better idea!"

                                            >They start bickering.

                                            >Rainbow Dash watches it all in amazement.

                                            >When the fillies notice her staring, they stop.

                                            >Scootaloo approaches her.

                                            >"Uhh, Rainbow? You okay?"

                                            >Rainbow Dash grins.

                                            >"Well, now there's 4 of you. This just keeps getting better and better."

                                            >She points towards the stairs.

                                            >"Guest room, now."

                                            >The fillies all groan.

                                            >Sweetie Belle mutters "not again..."

                                            >The young ponies are frog-marched into the guest room.

                                            >Rainbow winks at you and goes after them, locking the door from inside.

                                            >That leaves you and Pinkie Pie.

                                            >Look at the mare.

                                            >She looks at you.

                                            >Then runs a hoof over her flank and slaps herself.

                                            >You bite your bottom lip.

                                            >"So how about it, Anon~?"

                                            >Just then, the wall explodes yet again.

                                            >"SUP NERDS. I GOT LAID LIKE I SAID I WOULD. I'M AWESOME LIKE THAT."

                                            >The tricycle is now wearing sunshades.

                                            >You grab Pinkie Pie and jump onto the demonic vehicle, then blast through another wall.

                                            >The tricycle blows a hole in the roof of the haunted house and flies off into the night sky with you and your latex-wearing mare in your lap.

                                            >And so, Nightmare Night came to an end.

                                            >If you were to rate it, you would say that it was about average.


                                            The End.


                                            Thanks to everyone who got involved. It was fun!