[FLUTTERRAPE] Courtroom Drama


                                            Originally uploaded to Pastebin: September 13th, 2015

                                            ---


                                            >"This totally righteous court of law is like, in session."

                                            >The alpaca slams his gavel down and you all shut up.

                                            >"So like, we're here to oversee the case between these two bodacious babes to my left, and this gnarly green dude to my right."

                                            >Your lawyer stands up.

                                            >All three of them.

                                            >"The cutie mark crusader lawyer squad resent the notion of the fact that the judge did so unlawfully refer to our client in the manner with which he said his statement!"

                                            >They all sit down again, looking smug.

                                            >You're so fucked it's unreal.

                                            >A trio of lawyers that ask for candy and belly rubs as payment should have clued you in.

                                            >Meanwhile, across from you, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy sit.

                                            >Dash catches your eye and makes a gesture like she's fisting you.

                                            >Tug at your collar and try not to sweat.

                                            >Turn your attention back to the judge.

                                            >"So let's hear the defense of the two chicks."

                                            >He starts head-bobbing as the girls' laywer stands up.

                                            >A mare dressed in razor-sharp attire with piercing eyes and a posture so straight she looks like she could be Rarity's sister.

                                            >"Your honour, my clients have been wrongfully accused of sexual assault by the prosecution, I stand before you to prove their innocence with our vast amount of evidence and witnesses. I hope that both the jury and you yourself can come to an agreement regarding the innocence of this defense. Thank you."

                                            >She sits down.

                                            >The judge nods.

                                            >"Radical. Anything to say to that, prosecution?"

                                            >Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Applebloom all stand up.

                                            >Look at each other.

                                            >Nod.

                                            >And:

                                            >"HE'S INNOCENT--"

                                            >"--SHE'S A LIAR--"

                                            >"--ANON DID NOTHING WRONG--"

                                            >"--WHO EVEN WEARS THAT OUTFIT--"

                                            >"--IS A BIG STUPID--"

                                            >"--SO LAST SUMMER--"

                                            >"--HURTS WHEN I PEE--"

                                            >"--SO THEN MY BROTHER STUCK HIS THINGY IN ME AND IT KINDA HURT BUT THEN FELT REALLY GOOD WE DID IT AGAIN BEFORE I CAME HERE."

                                            >The judge bangs his hammer.

                                            >"Order!... or not, man, I'm not here to boss you around, you know? I ain't part of the system."

                                            >Applebloom clears her throat.

                                            >And they all sit down.

                                            >You cast a forlorn look at Rainbow Dash.

                                            >She's looks like a Cheshire Cat.

                                            >Fluttershy offers you a timid wave when she sees you looking.

                                            >Give her the finger and slump back in your chair.

                                            >The judge stares blankly into space for a while.

                                            >The whole room is silent while it waits for him to do something.

                                            >You hear a cough at the back.

                                            >Eventually the judge remembers what he's doing.

                                            >"Oh yeah it's my turn-- Alright dudes and dudettes, let's hear the accusser's testimony first!"

                                            >You shakily stand up and shuffle over to the stand.

                                            >Sit behind it.

                                            >It's too small for humans though and you have to sit with your knees pressed against your chest.

                                            >The judge motions for you to go.

                                            "So I was sat in my room last week just minding my own business when Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy broke in through my front door."

                                            >The judge nods.

                                            >"Then what, bro?"

                                            "Well they raped me."

                                            >"Niiiiice."

                                            >He turns back to the room.

                                            >"So like, anyone object to that? I kinda wanna get outta here, my band is playing in fifteen."

                                            >The defense laywer stands.

                                            >"I object! My clients were on an important mission to other lands last week and couldn't possibly have been in Ponyville to commit the act!"

                                            >The judge nods.

                                            >"Anyone object to -that-?"

                                            >Sweetie Belle leaps onto the table.

                                            >"ANON IS INNOCENT!"

                                            >Scootaloo sighs.

                                            >"We're accusing -them-, you doughnut!"

                                            >"Don't call me a doughnut, chicken!"

                                            >"Hey!"

                                            >The girls start wrestling on the table.

                                            >Applebloom tries to break them up.

                                            >You watch in silent despair.

                                            >Rainbow Dash tries to hide her laughter.

                                            >The banging of a hammer shuts the trio up.

                                            >"No negative vibes, man! Daaamn! So if they were out of town that totally means you're lying bro."

                                            >You splutter in response.

                                            "B-But what-- they're lying, obviously!"

                                            >The judge 'woah's.

                                            >"But like, lying in court is illegal, broheimer, they wouldn't do that."

                                            >He scratches his head.

                                            >"...Would they?"

                                            >The opposing lawyer speaks up.

                                            >"Your honour, my clients are representatives of the Elements of Harmony and champions of the realm! They have saved Equestria many times from greater threats than you or I can imagine, surely their word carries weight! Are you going to believe the ramblings of some alien being over theirs?"

                                            >The judge leans over to you.

                                            >"She has a point, bro."

                                            "What happened to a fair court? You're not going to believe them just because of their position, are you?"

                                            >"Well I mean, they're heroes, dude! And like, why would they lie?"

                                            "Because they're guilty!"

                                            >He blinks.

                                            >"...But, they said they weren't. You're not making a lot of sense, dude."

                                            >You hold your head in your hands and try not to cry.

                                            >Applebloom sees this and stands up instantly.

                                            >"MY CLIENT PLEADS INSANITY!"

                                            >Sweetie Belle groans and forces her friend to sit down.

                                            >The judge sniffs and opens a bag of munchies.

                                            >After shoving a hoofful of crisps into his mouth, he speaks.

                                            >"Sho let's get the defense up here, or something."


                                            >Fluttershy sits at the stand, nervously rubbing her hooves.

                                            >"D-do I have to be here for long?"

                                            >The judge nods and shovels more food into his mouth.

                                            >Fluttershy's lawyer stands before her client.

                                            >"Miss Fluttershy, what is your occupation?"

                                            >The mare perks up and smiles.

                                            >"Oh! Well I look after all of the animals in Ponyville! I administer treatments and medicines, and make sure both pets and wild animals are safe and sound."

                                            >The room 'd'awws'.

                                            >"And what are your thoughts on Mister Anonymous?"

                                            >She starts blushing.

                                            >"H-he's... nice."

                                            >"Just nice? Or does he hide a darker side? Miss Fluttershy, I want you to be honest with us all; has Anonymous ever hit you?"

                                            >Uh oh.

                                            >"Well... once?"

                                            >The room gasps.

                                            >"It wasn't what you think! It was an accident!"

                                            >It totally wasn't, but thanks for the defense, Shy.

                                            >She tries to act natural.

                                            >"He just sort of maybe not on purpose kicked me a little bit."

                                            >Cries of outrage come from the crowd.

                                            >The judge shakes his head.

                                            >"Not cool, dude."

                                            >The lawyer grimaces.

                                            >"Does Anonymous have a history of aggression?"

                                            >Fluttershy rubs her leg and chews her lip, hiding behind her mane.

                                            >"He... sometimes gets a bit grumpy."

                                            >She hesitates for a second.

                                            >"He broke my lamp once."

                                            >It was a shitty lamp anyway.

                                            >The lawyer straightens up (if that was even possible) and addresses the room.

                                            >"So here we have an unknown alien creature that is violent, aggressive, and has a history of breaking other ponies property, so are any of you seriously considering -believing- this monster?"

                                            >The jeers and cheers from the audience tell her "No".

                                            >With a curt nod and a smile, the lawyer sits down.

                                            >Rainbow Dash looks right at you and licks her lips.

                                            >Slowly.

                                            >The judge finishes his bag of munchies and looks at you.

                                            >"You're kind of a dick, bro."

                                            >Hang your head in shame.

                                            >At least now you get a chance to defend yourself.


                                            >"Mister Anonymous! If that -is- your real name."

                                            >Sweetie Belle glares at you.

                                            >"So you say you've been raped, huh? That's a pretty big accusation, and against an element of harmony! I do declare that you're a big stupid liar!"

                                            "You're on my side you fucking idiot!"

                                            >"...Oh, sorry, um, so how'd you get raped anyway?"

                                            "Like I said, I was sat in my house last Tuesday--"

                                            >"Doing what?"

                                            "Reading, so I--"

                                            >"What were you reading?"

                                            "How is that important?"

                                            >"Don't dodge the question."

                                            "Uhh, a magazine?"

                                            >"What magazine? Need I remind you that you're under oath to tell the truth?!"

                                            "What the fuck, Sweetie Belle?"

                                            >"Answer me!"

                                            "I was... r-reading playcolt!"

                                            >The room goes silent.

                                            >...

                                            >"...What issue? Swimsuit or Canterlot Mares?"

                                            "C-canterlot Mares..."

                                            >"Aha! Your honour, my client is clearly a weird monkey of taste and class, such a thing would never accuse someone of rape unless they totally did it!"

                                            >She pauses for a second.

                                            >"Um, by the way, what's rape, exactly?"

                                            >She gets shushed by her cohorts.

                                            >The judge rubs his chin.

                                            >"Canterlot Mares -is- pretty righteous..."

                                            >The other lawyer snorts in disgust.

                                            >"I can hardly see why any of this is relevant!"

                                            >The judge scratches his head.

                                            >"Well like, those mares are real pretty, you know? Only high-class people read that stuff. And high-class people never lie."

                                            >Somewhere at the back, Fancy Pants shuffles uncomfortably.

                                            >The judge turns to you.

                                            >"So what did they do to you?"

                                            "What?"

                                            >"The rape, dude, describe it to us."

                                            >All the mares in the room lean forward.

                                            "Um, well they took my clothes off, forcefully, might I add, they damaged the fabrics so I'll expect compensati--"

                                            >"Never mind that dude, get to the good part."

                                            "...I was stripped naked, then Rainbow Dash held me down and sat on my face."

                                            >Dash nods to herself.

                                            "Fluttershy uh, 'helped herself' to my ah, genitals."

                                            >The mare in question squeaks and tries to hide under the table.

                                            >A mare at the front of the audience shudders.

                                            >The judge, now eating yet another packet of munchies, motions for you to continue.

                                            "Th-they both reached climax, causing me to do so, they kind of just starting rubbing my um, 'juices', all over each other and making out."

                                            >"Gnarly."

                                            "This went on for several hours, I sustained many bruises and injuries that I can show you if you wan--"

                                            >"Yeah yeah that's cool, bro, listen, all those in favour of a ten minute break say 'aye'."

                                            >The room screams "aye" at him and empties almost instantly, the various bathrooms of the courthouse full to the brim in mere moments.

                                            >You sit alone at the stand.

                                            >Something prods your face.

                                            >It's Scootaloo.

                                            >"I'm not really that good at lawyering, but I think we've really got this one, Anon!"

                                            "I'm going to lose, Scootaloo."

                                            >"Eh, who cares if you do, what do you lose?"

                                            "All my money in court fees and my reputation is forever ruined."

                                            >"Well I mean, you don't really have much money anyway, and your reputation is gonna be secure no matter what."

                                            "What?"

                                            >"Chyeah, the whole town pretty much sees you as a stud, not like this will change anything."

                                            "That's not reassuring me, Scootaloo."

                                            >"Why not? If you lose you can just ask someone for a room, not like anyone would turn you down."

                                            "What about you? Can I live with you?"

                                            >"Sure you can! Do you have my address? It's the back alley behind the bowling place..."

                                            >Sit and marinate in your own dread while Scootaloo prattles on about how she's 'just done up the place' and that 'it really looks like a home now that the rats are gone'.


                                            >"Court it back in session! Let's wrap this thing up, I'm like, stupid hungry."

                                            >The defense lawyer stands.

                                            >"I must ask the jury, whom do they believe, the elements of harmony; patriots of Equestria, defenders of truth and justice, warriors of peace? Or a creature that works part time at a fast food restaurant?"

                                            >The jury murmurs to itself.

                                            >...

                                            >"We believe Anon!"

                                            >What.

                                            "Huh?"

                                            >"Bwah?"

                                            >The room descends into confusion.

                                            >A desperate, mildly discombobulated judge bangs his hammer and calls for order.

                                            >"Dudes and dudettes! SHUT UP!"

                                            >The room quietens.

                                            >He turns to the jury.

                                            >"No seriously, what? I thought the rainbow chick and the pink furball under the table had this in the bag."

                                            >The mare speaking for the jury stands proud.

                                            >"The way we see it, that rape account was totally hot."

                                            >Everyone nods in agreement.

                                            >"Such an act has clearly boosted the morale of all those that have heard of it, and we declare that if such an act was revealed to not be true, that it would be a total buzzkill and not cool at all."

                                            >The judge nods.

                                            >"Makes sense."

                                            >"We see this rape not as an act of aggression, but as a public service!"

                                            "Oh what the fuck."

                                            >"We declare that Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are guilty of rape!"

                                            >The judge shrugs.

                                            >"Cool, that suits me, I needed to bounce anyway."

                                            >He bangs his gavel down, missing the pad and making a large dent in the wood.

                                            >"So like, the two chicks get like, I dunno, six hours community service."

                                            "That's horseshit!"

                                            >"Eh, alright, seven hours, and the green dude gets umm..."

                                            >He puffs out his cheeks and turns to you.

                                            >"Ten thousand bits sound cool to you?"

                                            >...

                                            "Yes. Yes it does."

                                            >"Radical."


                                            >You walk out of the courthouse.

                                            >Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are hailed as heroes and carted off to the local police station to start picking up trash in the park.

                                            >You get given a massive sack of bits.

                                            >All in all, you'd say it was a pretty successful trial.

                                            >Lurch through your still broken front door and hurl the sack into the middle of your living room.

                                            >Lie back on it like a beanbag.

                                            >So this is what it feels like to be rich.

                                            >You could rule this town with an iron fist now.

                                            >Take revenge for all the times it's wronged you and made you feel slightly uncomfortable.

                                            >...


                                            >Sit in the crusader tree house eating candy and giving Applebloom a belly rub.

                                            >Nah, this is better.

                                            >God bless the court system.


                                            The End.