[FLUTTERRAPE] She Didn't Learn A Thing


                                            Originally uploaded to Pastebin: September 20th, 2015

                                            ---


                                            >"AJ, do you do anything other than apples?"

                                            >Stop rummaging around in the apple-barrel.

                                            >Raise your head, spitting out an apple and wiping apple-juice from your mouth.

                                            "Say what now?"

                                            >Rainbow Dash shakes her head and gestures around the pair of you.

                                            >"All this, don't you ever get like, bored of it?"

                                            >You blink once and look where you are.

                                            >Apple trees stretch for several fields in all directions.

                                            >You smile to yourself as you look at your hard work.

                                            >The fruits of your labour.

                                            >Rainbow Dash couldn't possibly understand what it meant to work on something this large for so long and to see it thrive.

                                            >As sure as the sun rises, and the emblem on your flanks shows, you live and breathe apples.

                                            >Sigh in contentment.

                                            >...

                                            >"Uh, Applejack? You still in there?"

                                            "Huh? What?"

                                            >Rainbow lets out an exasperated groan.

                                            >"See, there you go again! One mention of apples and you go into this weird trance, it's really creepy."

                                            >Narrow your eyes and give an indignant huff.

                                            "You're talkin' crazy, Dash. I'm not -that- into apples."

                                            >"Applejack your name is literally apples."

                                            "'Apple', I'll have you know, not 'apples'."

                                            >"Whatever, you're my gal-pal, and I love you to bits, but don't you have any other hobbies?"

                                            "Uh, savin' the world with you and the girls?"

                                            >"Apart from that."

                                            "Rodeo?"

                                            >"Apart from that too."

                                            "Organisin' and hostin' each major Ponyville community event?

                                            >"Ugh, you're so dense, I'm talking about -guys- AJ!"

                                            "What, like stallions?"

                                            >Rainbow rolls her eyes.

                                            >"Well yeah, obviously."

                                            >Cock your head, confused.

                                            "I don't follow ya."

                                            >Rainbow drags a hoof down her face and lands in front of you.

                                            >Touching the ground?

                                            >She -is- serious.

                                            >"Applejack, lemmie level with you here."

                                            >Your friend lands a hoof on your shoulder, locking eyes with you.

                                            >"You need to see guys other than Big Mac."

                                            >Shrug her hoof off and glare at her.

                                            "I beg your pardon, Dash, but I'm perfectly capable of lookin' after my own love life, thank you very much!"

                                            >Dash gives you a flat look.

                                            >"When was the last time you got any action?"

                                            >You shut your mouth, cheeks going red slightly.

                                            "L-last month! At the barn party!"

                                            >"Uh huh? Who?"

                                            "...Featherweight?"

                                            >"Snowflake's brother? Yeah, he's eight, try again."

                                            >Huff and try to push past her.

                                            "I ain't talkin' about this with you, it's none of your business!"

                                            >"Actually it kinda is, see, you've been working your butt off for months now and you're getting reeeeally on edge."

                                            "On edge? Like how?"

                                            >"Like when you grind against apple barrels when you think no one is watching."

                                            >Stare at her with a mix of shock and horror.

                                            >"Yeah. Not so subtle, AJ, and you've been doing it so much lately that barrels are arriving in town kinda shiny."

                                            >You pull your hat over your eyes and look directly at the ground, trying to glare the grass to death.

                                            >"AJ, look."

                                            >Dash drapes her hoof over your shoulders again.

                                            >"I just want you to like, unwind, you know? I'm called Loyalty for a reason."

                                            "What's 'loyal' about pryin' into ponies' personal lives?"

                                            >"What's honest about lying to your friends about when you last got laid?"

                                            "Buh-- I already told you it's none-a your business!"

                                            >"And I'm not gonna argue about this, AJ! You need to get laid, pronto."

                                            "I can get laid whenever I want!"

                                            >"So is that why you're 'saving yourself' for whichever apple barrel gives you a sly look?"

                                            >She takes off before you can lunge at her, then swerves to avoid your follow-up pebble toss.

                                            >"Too slow! But seriously, get laid."

                                            "I'll lay -you- out if ya don't scram!"

                                            >"You're reeeally scary, AJ."

                                            >You stand fuming at Rainbow Dash as she hovers just out of your reach, smirking.

                                            >"While you're stood there being all angry though, we can chat!"

                                            "Some friend you are."

                                            >Dash's nose is touching yours before you can blink, a firm hoof jabbing you in the chest.

                                            >"Hey, don't give me that, I'm doing this because I care, alright?"

                                            >Despite your annoyance, you can't really find a fault in what she's saying.

                                            >Sigh and slump to your haunches.

                                            "Alright, let's... talk about stallions..."

                                            >Rainbow Dash gives a triumphant nod and lies back on the grass next to you, her gaze cast towards the sky.

                                            >"So, what kinda guys do you like?"

                                            >Take your place next to her, the clouds above you providing passive entertainment.

                                            "Whaddya mean?"

                                            >"I mean what do you look for in a partner? Do you like 'em strong? Fast? Small? 'Big'?"

                                            >She says that last one with a wink.

                                            >Nervously fiddle with your hat as you watch the skies and think.

                                            "I guess... kind?"

                                            >"That's a start, plenty of nice guys in Ponyville."

                                            "Strong? Able to work hard all day and not kick up a fuss?"

                                            >"Alright, narrowing it down, keep going."

                                            "Sorta quiet? I like the strong silent types, I suppose."

                                            >"Uh huh, uh huh."

                                            "Able to do lots of things, like repairin' and such."

                                            >"Mmhmm."

                                            "Uh, I think that's it."

                                            >"Right, right."

                                            >Rainbow is silent for a moment.

                                            >"So how long have you had the hots for your brother?"

                                            >She cackles as you reach over and thump her in the arm.

                                            >"K-kidding! Kidding! Sheesh, no need to get so Big Mad over it."

                                            >Roll your eyes at her attempted pun.

                                            >"But really, anything else?"

                                            >Shrug, your eyes fixed on a cloud shaped like an apple.

                                            "Just somethin' different, really. I like different."

                                            >Rainbow sits up, a look of doubt on her face.

                                            >"Wow, really?"

                                            >Feel yourself shuffle under her gaze.

                                            "Yeah? What's wrong with that?"

                                            >She lays back down.

                                            >"Nothing, just always took you for the 'traditional' type, you know? What with the farm and everything."

                                            >Snort in annoyance.

                                            "Just because I live on a farm and work in the mud doesn't mean I can't appreciate the weirder things in life."

                                            >"Yeah? What about Zecora? 'Ooooh, she's got Applebloom! Darn zebras!'."

                                            "That was different and you darn well know it!"

                                            >"Eh, sure, but still, when you say different, how different you talking?"

                                            "Just... -different-, isn't that enough? I ain't one for fancy words, Dash."

                                            >"I hear that."

                                            "I just like to break the routine every once in a while. Starin' at the farm gets dull after too long."

                                            >"Aha! So you -do- get bored of apples!"

                                            "...I won't say I don't wish to look at somethin' else from time to time..."

                                            >The pair of you dip into silence and stare at the sky.

                                            >As the clouds above aimlessly float on by, guided by unseen but calculated pegasus winds, Dash speaks up.

                                            >"Hey, Applejack."

                                            "Hm?"

                                            >"...What about Anon?"

                                            >You blink a few times.

                                            "Anon...? What, like, 'Anon', Anon?"

                                            >"Sure. He's strong, nice, works hard, has those hands to help him do loads of stuff."

                                            >She nudges you.

                                            >"And he's 'different'."

                                            >You furrow your brow.

                                            "Well, sure, but..."

                                            >"Buuuut?"

                                            "I've just never really seen him like that."

                                            >"Why? Don't you like him?"

                                            >Snort.

                                            "Of course I like him! Everyone does! ...It's just -Anon-. Have you ever thought about him like that?"

                                            >"Sure. Every mare in town has."

                                            "...Really?"

                                            >"It's the hands, AJ. The hands are the secret. We'd all jump on Spike if he wasn't Twilight's kid or whatever."

                                            "Pretty sure he's more of a son--"

                                            >"Whatever he is, he's off limits until he grows up."

                                            "Yeah, so in the meantime it's Anon?"

                                            >"Yup. Lotta mares after that ass, AJ."

                                            >Shudder at her choice of words.

                                            >She notices this.

                                            >"Heh, if you wanna get a stallion in the sack then you're gonna have to get more used to things like that."

                                            "Yeah, that another one of your 'pro tips'?"

                                            >"You know it!"

                                            >Dash stretches and gets up.

                                            >"So yeah, Anon. You should try and give him a shot."

                                            "And how do I do that? Does he even like ponies?"

                                            >"Not sure, actually, but eh, if you manage to bang him you'll be the first to do so."

                                            "But how am I supposed to, you know... do it?"

                                            >"I dunno, the same way you do everything? Improvise. Pretend he's an apple or something."

                                            >She chortles as she ducks out of the way of your hoof.

                                            "Go on, get outta here, I need to think."

                                            >Rainbow Dash mock salutes.

                                            >"Yes Ma'am, AJ, Ma'am."

                                            >She takes off in a blur, a rainbow streak carving a path through the clouds.

                                            >Once she's gone, you listen to the silence of the orchard.

                                            >Sit down under a tree and contemplate what you've learned.

                                            "Anon..."


                                            >Wake up the next day feeling as fresh as normal

                                            >For a while you stare blankly at yourself in the mirror, the brush in your mane paused for a moment.

                                            >After a thought you keep brushing in silence.

                                            >How long -has- it been?

                                            >You can't even remember.

                                            >Five years? Six?

                                            >A long time, that's for sure.

                                            >The farm doesn't leave a lot of time for intimacy.

                                            >And Rainbow had a point, you really do need to see males other than Big Mac.

                                            >Don't want to end up like Cousin Red Harvest and his wife Gold Fields.

                                            >...Your -other- cousin.

                                            >Shudder at the thought.

                                            >Big Mac has been teaching Applebloom to work the fields recently, so maybe you can take a day or two off to head into town and have a bit of fun.

                                            >Nodding to confirm your decision, you place your hat on your head and trot out the door.


                                            >The first problem is actually finding Anon.

                                            >Rainbow Dash was right.

                                            >Again.

                                            >He -is- different, and interesting.

                                            >Even if you don't end up in the sack with him at least you'll have a nice time.

                                            >As you comb through Ponyville looking for the familiar towering figure, you run a few scenarios through your mind.

                                            >How does Rarity always seduce stallions?

                                            >She makes it seem effortless.

                                            >The mare tends to bat her eyelids, speak in a husky tone of voice, and sway her hips a lot.

                                            >You think about your friend for a second.

                                            >Her flawless coat, her meticulously shaped mane, her various fragrances, her eloquent voice and charming, controlled demeanor.

                                            >As you think, you pass a shop window.

                                            >Then there's you.

                                            >Still a bit muddy from yesterday, mane still messy despite the brushing, your usual 'farmyard' smell following you around.

                                            >Rarity says you don't smell 'bad', just 'natural'.

                                            >You aren't too sure if those two things are different.

                                            >It would be nice to smell as good as Rarity for once, but you have neither the money or the knowledge to know what would suit you.

                                            >Sure, you have your old dress stored away along with the make-up to go with it, but the last time you used it was when Rarity was acting like a moron and trying to be a farmer.

                                            >And that was well over a year ago.

                                            >Would Anon even like that?

                                            >Maybe you can try it if your first date goes well.

                                            >If there's even going to be a date, that is.

                                            >Mind lost deep in thought, you completely walk past Anon.

                                            >Do quick backwards run once you realise what you did.

                                            >There is he, sitting on a bench reading.

                                            >You watch with interest as his fingers delicately turn a page.

                                            >' It's the hands, AJ. The hands are the secret. '

                                            >They don't look all that enticing.

                                            >Very practical, you'd certainly prefer a pair to hooves for fixing the farm equipment, but otherwise nothing you'd not seen before.

                                            >Pulling your hat down slightly, you suck in a deep breath before taking a seat on the bench.

                                            >Anon looks up from his book and smiles at you.

                                            >"Hey AJ!"

                                            "Howdy, Anon! Whatcha readin'?"

                                            >"Uhh, 'Two hundred ways to fry an egg'."

                                            "Huh, any good?"

                                            >"I'm not too sure what I was expecting when I picked it up, but I'll be damned if I'll let a book beat me."

                                            >Chuckle and relax slightly.

                                            >Time to put on the moves.

                                            "So I was wonderin' if you were doing anythin' later on."

                                            >He'll be yours in a jiffy.

                                            >He thinks to himself.

                                            >"Nothing I can think of, why, what do you have in mind?"

                                            "Wanna come to the farm and, uh..."

                                            >...Oh. You hadn't really thought this far ahead.

                                            >Whoops.

                                            >As Anon stares expectantly at you, smiling, you can't think of anything to say.

                                            "I was wonderin'... if you wanted tooo uhh, shoot, I don't know."

                                            >"You don't know."

                                            "...Nope."

                                            >"Ah. Bit a problem there, AJ."

                                            >He lets out a good-natured laugh.

                                            >"Well how about this, I come to the farm later on and we'll think of something to do, alright?"

                                            "Great!"

                                            >"Alrighty then, I'm not too busy tonight so I'll have a few hours. See you tonight? Eight sound good?"

                                            "Sounds good. See you... tonight."

                                            >And with that, you slide off the bench and start walking back to the farm.

                                            >...

                                            >That was shockingly easy.

                                            >You were half expecting some kind of drama to occur.

                                            >Shrugging inwardly, you keep walking, content that by tomorrow you'll be telling Rainbow Dash all about how you seduced the resident human.

                                            >Though as you find yourself standing in the farm's courtyard, you suddenly come to a terrible realisation.

                                            >a) You couldn't seduce your way out of a barrel.

                                            >b) It's been so long since you had sex you haven't got a clue how it goes, since you were drunk and 13 the last time you did it.

                                            >c) You don't even know if Anon will want you, since he apparently doesn't like ponies that way.

                                            >You stare blankly at a stone.

                                            >This is going to be a lot harder than you thought.

                                            >But it's fine, it'll all be fine.

                                            >You don't have any idea what's you're doing.

                                            >So just remember what Rainbow said.

                                            >What did she say? Do it the same way you do everything?

                                            >That seems simple enough.

                                            >Besides, Rarity said once that stallions like mares of action.

                                            >Mares that take matters into their own hooves and are confident.

                                            >Well you're confident, are a mare, and have hooves, so you'll be fine!

                                            >Just casually propose your idea of sex to Anon, and see where it goes from there.

                                            >You're pretty sure you can wing it if you just act like Rarity once he shows up.

                                            >Which reminds you, you should get out your old dress...


                                            >Stand outside your barn, dressed in your finest clothes and wearing make-up.

                                            >You imagine that you must look like a very silly pony.

                                            >He said he would come sometime in the evening, but just to be safe you've been here for 2 hours.

                                            >Dad always said it's better to come early than late.

                                            >Mom always used to hit him after that.

                                            >Not sure why.

                                            >You turn to watch the sun creeping behind a hill.

                                            >Tonight will be absolutely fine.

                                            >Even if things go wrong, it's just Anon, you can patch things up if you need to.

                                            >Not like he'll never talk to you again.

                                            >You inspect your hooves, once clean, that are now getting slightly dusty being stood outside the barn.

                                            >The hem of your dress is also dragging slightly along the ground.

                                            >Rarity is going to murder you when she sees this.

                                            >You can practically hear her yelling at you.

                                            >"Applejack! Hey!"

                                            >Sounds like Anon, really.

                                            >...

                                            >Purse your lips and glance left.

                                            >Anon is stood next to you, a confused look on his face.

                                            >You did it again, didn't you.

                                            >"You alright? You were in a trance there for a second, it was kinda creepy."

                                            >Consarnet.

                                            "Uh, hi, an' I'm fine, just thinkin' is all."

                                            >Well, you've already stricken 'talk like Rarity' off the list.

                                            >"Alrighty then. What's uh, what's with the dress? Not that I mind, I just would have dressed up fancier if I'd known we were doing that."

                                            >You look over his clothing.

                                            >Same pants and t-shirt as always.

                                            >Isn't that fancy for Anon?

                                            >Wearing clothes is his thing.

                                            "I just thought you'd appreciate me wearin' clothes, you know, to make you feel more comfortable."

                                            >Hopefully he can't see you blush from lying in the dark.

                                            >Anon waves a hand dismissively.

                                            >"Pffft, no need to worry about that, AJ. So what are we doing? You think of anything? I got stuck for ideas on the way here."

                                            >Well, here goes nothing.

                                            >It's the whole reason you're here, after all.

                                            >No use beating around the bush.

                                            >Clear your throat, turn to Anon, fix him with your best serious business-mare gaze, and open your mouth.

                                            "Would you like to have sex with me?"

                                            >"No thank you."

                                            >...

                                            >...

                                            >...

                                            >Oh. So that's that.

                                            "Huh."

                                            >"Sorry, not into ponies, AJ, I thought you knew."

                                            >You sag slightly.

                                            "Well sure, but I thought I could change your mind, that's all..."

                                            >"By dressing up? Come on, I'm not -that- easy."

                                            >He grins at you.

                                            >At least he's taking this well.

                                            >For you, this is a major set-back.

                                            >You can't have sex with Anon if Anon doesn't want to have sex with you.

                                            >This is a difficult problem to fix.

                                            >In your mind, you can imagine Rainbow Dash laughing at you as you tell her about what you did.

                                            >Can't be having that.

                                            >There's no way you're letting Rainbow Dash get the better of you.

                                            "Uh, listen, Anon, I -really- need you to, you know, roll around in the hay with me."

                                            >"Sorry AJ, I can't do that."

                                            "Rainbow Dash will make fun of me if I don't!"

                                            >"She kinda makes fun of everyone, to be honest."

                                            "Sure she does, but this time it'll be personal."

                                            >"It's always personal with Dash."

                                            "Ugh, can't you just... I dunno, stick the tip in?"

                                            >Anon snorts.

                                            >"Sounding really desperate here, Applejack, when was the last time you got laid?"

                                            >Don'tTellHimDon'tTellHimDon'tTellHim--

                                            "When I was like thirteen."

                                            >Damned honesty.

                                            >"Christ, that's pretty dire. Maybe we can find you a stallion?"

                                            "Nope, has to be you. You're weird enough for me."

                                            >"...Thanks?"

                                            "S-sorry, that came out all wrong, what I mean is, you're what I look for in a stallion, and the only other stallion around here like you is my brother."

                                            >Anon shuffles uncomfortably.

                                            >"Getting a bit weird now, Applejack."

                                            "No no! Stay! I just need to explain to you why we'd be great together, I like workin', you like workin', I like kind ponies, you're a kind pony, well, human--"

                                            >"Reaaaally weird--"

                                            "J-just stop walkin' backwards! Consarnet just STOP!"

                                            >Anon stares fearfully at you.

                                            >You're losing control of the situation.

                                            >Rainbow Dash's voice echoes through your mind.

                                            >"...Same way you do everything!..."

                                            >Rarity's voice follows.

                                            >"...Darling, you've ruined your dress! Also you need to take control whenever you find yourself on a date with a stallion going horrendously wrong, so take that bit of advice as you will. Why am I telling you this when we're talking about dresses? I don't know, just go with it..."

                                            >Spike's voice crops up as well.

                                            >"...Dragon code! Dragon code! Dragon code!..."

                                            >You shake your head.

                                            "Anon, stop."

                                            >"Y-you're twitching a bit there."

                                            "Look, I really need this from you, and I'm sorry, but I'm doin' this for my own good!"

                                            >Reach under your dress and hurl a lasso at Anon.

                                            >He yelps as you grip his legs and bring him down.

                                            >"What the hell are you doing?!"

                                            "I DON'T KNOW! WORK WITH ME HERE!"

                                            >"HELP!"

                                            >Improvise, Applejack! You can still salvage this!

                                            >YOU CAN STILL SALVAGE THIS!

                                            >EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE.


                                            >Anon groans.

                                            >His eyes open a crack and instantly shut.

                                            >He must be in pain.

                                            >Understandable, you whacked him pretty hard with that bucket of apples.

                                            >The human tries to open his eyes again.

                                            >He slowly raises his head, another pained noise escaping his lips.

                                            >You play nervously with the hat in your hooves as he comes to.

                                            >Chew your bottom lip and glance towards the doors.

                                            >Anon, now partially awake, locks eyes with you.

                                            >He tries to move, but finds that he's chained to a support beam.

                                            >The human gives you a desperate look, silently begging for answers.

                                            >All you can manage is a small guilty smile.

                                            "...Hey..."

                                            >He doesn't answer.

                                            "S-so I won't lie, not that I can, but things got a bit heated out there, a-an' I had to take control to keep the situation from escalatin'."

                                            >He looks at his chains again.

                                            >Then down at his naked, bruise covered chest.

                                            >You stare at it as well.

                                            >Blush slightly.

                                            "Your shirt got dirty so I put it in the wash. That's fine, right? Is that fine? I-I think it'll be fine..."

                                            >"Applejack."

                                            "Yeah?"

                                            >"Wwwwhat the fuck."

                                            "See, that's what I thought!"

                                            >Try to force a laugh.

                                            "So I can see why you'd be a little bit upset, but trust me when I say that it's not personal."

                                            >"You just assaulted me! And uh, where the hell am I?"

                                            "You're in our apple cellar."

                                            >"Of course I am... do you -anything- other than apples?"

                                            >Ouch, that stung.

                                            "Sure I do! I do... um, you?"

                                            >He gives you a flat look.

                                            >Cover your face with your hat.

                                            >Rarity would be ashamed of you for that one.

                                            "Look, just have sex with me, and all this can be over, right?"

                                            >"Wrong, what you're going to do is let me go so I can forget this ever happened. If you're lucky, I won't call the cops."

                                            "Oooh, uhh, can't risk that, it'd better if you stayed down here."

                                            >"It'd be better if you let me go. I thought I got enough of this shit from Fluttershy."

                                            "You're a lil' bit tired, clearly, so I'm jus' gonna head on upstairs and getcha somethin' to eat, how's that sound?"

                                            >"Will it be apples?"

                                            "It'll probably be apples."

                                            >"God you're boring."

                                            >Hang your head in shame and walk up the stairs out the apple cellar.


                                            >"So then I said, 'what's the big idea?!' and he totally left me alone!"

                                            >Rainbow Dash sighs happily.

                                            >"Uncle Touchy Hooves was great... so what's up, AJ? You managed to snag Anon yet?"

                                            >You and Rainbow Dash are sat outside a cafe eating a treat.

                                            >She has no idea that Anon's under your cellar.

                                            >And has been for the last 2 days.

                                            >To be honest, you haven't got the foggiest idea what to do about it.

                                            >Nod slowly.

                                            "Y-yeah, I've uh, 'snagged' him alright."

                                            >Rainbow spits out her carrot cake.

                                            >"No way! How'd it go? Was he hung? I hear from Fluttershy he's hung."

                                            "Oh yeah, super hung."

                                            >What the fuck is 'hung'.

                                            >"Was he a total freak in the sack?"

                                            >Dash leans nearer.

                                            >"The quiet ones always are... I also heard that from Fluttershy."

                                            >She furrows her brow a bit.

                                            >"Come to think of it, I hear a -lot- of weird stuff from Fluttershy..."

                                            >You wipe your brow of sweat, despite it not being sunny today.

                                            "You know it! Heh, we sure went at it a lot."

                                            >"Cool cool, good to know."

                                            >Dash wraps a leg around you and squeezes.

                                            >"I knew you could do it! Prouda ya, AJ."

                                            >She shoots a look at the distant Ponyville Clocktower.

                                            >"Ugh, my break is nearly up, catch you later, AJ!"

                                            "Alrighty then, see ya."

                                            >With that, Dash shoots back off into the sky to punch clouds and make it rain or whatever it is she's paid to do other than sleep in your trees and snore.

                                            >You pay for your own, untouched cake, and carry it away from the cafe in a bag.

                                            >Dash might think you'd scored, but she was wrong.

                                            >So very very wrong.


                                            "H-howdy, Anon! I gotcha a cake!"

                                            >A low growl answers you.

                                            "No need to be like that, sugarcube! All ya need to do is sex me up and we'll be right as rain!"

                                            >The rain will never be right again.

                                            >Anonymous, still chained up, glares at you.

                                            >"Let me out."

                                            "Well see--"

                                            >"NOW!"

                                            >Jump at his shouting, but puff your cheeks out.

                                            >March over and slap him.

                                            >His face is a picture of shock.

                                            >So is yours.

                                            "I uh, I didn't mean to do that."

                                            >"The hell, AJ?!"

                                            "I'm sorry! I'm real sorry, look, I'm really on edge right now and don't know what to do."

                                            >"Let me go! It's not a difficult situation to fix, Applejack! The longer I'm down here, the worse it's going to get!"

                                            "...Not true."

                                            >"Yes it is!"

                                            "Alright maybe a little bit, but I can keep you down here for as long as I like!"

                                            >"And when the cops come knocking?"

                                            "I'll say you're not here."

                                            >"And if I shout?"

                                            "Wind."

                                            >"If they search the building?"

                                            "They won't find you."

                                            >"Why's that?"

                                            "This place is a secret."

                                            >...

                                            >"Applejack, whenever you lie you go bright red and start trembling."

                                            "Darn it..."

                                            >"Pleeease can I go? I have a job! I have bills to pay!"

                                            >He thinks for a second.

                                            >"And I think my milk will have expired by now."

                                            "Oh, I can stop by your house and buy you some mor--"

                                            >"Ooor you can let me go! Sound like a good plan? Sounds fantastic to me."

                                            "But then you'll tell everyone!"

                                            >"I'm still willing to let this slide."

                                            "And I still won't have been rutted!"

                                            >"I'm not fucking a pony!"

                                            "Can't you just pretend I'm human?"

                                            >"Oh and how am I supposed to do that, genius?"

                                            "Close your eyes?"

                                            >"Like that's ever worked."

                                            >You huff and reach into the bag.

                                            "Do you want the cake or not? I can jus' eat it myself if you want."

                                            >"Nonono, I'll eat it..."

                                            >Hold it near his mouth.

                                            >He starts to eat it from your hoof.

                                            >You watch him eat in silence.

                                            >Timidly reach out and pat his head.

                                            "Good boy."

                                            >...

                                            >The human stops eating and raises his head.

                                            >You instantly regret your decision.

                                            >His look could peel paint.

                                            "Uh, sorry, that was stupid."

                                            >"You're not, or you would have freed me, nice carrot cake by the way."

                                            "Thanks, and I can't let you go or you'll tell the cops and the rest of the girls."

                                            >"Fuck that, I'm not telling anyone I was overpowered by a pony."

                                            "You aren't?"

                                            >"God no, do you have any idea how embarassing that would be? I have this whole image of human superiority to maintain."

                                            >He looks sadly at his chains.

                                            >"I can't even break these cuffs."

                                            >You give him a sympathetic pat on the leg.

                                            "It's okay, Anon, I understand."

                                            >"Thanks..."

                                            >...

                                            >"You know, for a pony that's had me imprisoned for like two days now, you've not really done much raping."

                                            >You go bright red.

                                            "R-rape-- what?! Anon! How can you even -think- that I would rape you?!"

                                            >He blinks.

                                            >Then looks around at the dank storeroom, the straw he's sat on, the scarce crumbs lying around him, and his lack of a shirt.

                                            >"Well gee, chief, I don't know."

                                            "I-I know it looks bad! But I can't really move you or you'll break free!"

                                            >"So you've caught me, chained me underground with intent to have sex with me, but you're too frigid to actually go through with it and you can't let me go because you're worried I'll tell someone about how much you failed to get laid."

                                            >He sniffs.

                                            >"As far as first dates go, this is easily the second worst."

                                            "...Second?"

                                            >"Oh man, let me tell you about Fluttershy, so last tuesday I woke up covered in marmalade right..."


                                            >Anon's face is unreadable.

                                            >"A week."

                                            >Smile awkwardly.

                                            >"I've been stuck in your apple cellar for a week."

                                            "Technically six nights an' seven days."

                                            >"Applejack I'll have lost my job. And has anyone been searching for me?"

                                            >Rub the back of your neck.

                                            >"Applejack."

                                            "One or two search parties have come lookin'."

                                            >"And you didn't tell them where I was."

                                            "...Maybe."

                                            >"You're incredible. All this over being too bad at dating to get someone in the sack."

                                            "None of it would have happened if ya'll had just slept with me!"

                                            >"Don't pin this on me! You're the one that dragged me down here and kept me in the freezing cold!"

                                            "Y-you've been cold? Sorry, I thought you had enough blankets, d'ya want a hot water bottle or--"

                                            >"See, there you go again! You can't do it, Applejack, alright?!"

                                            "Do what?"

                                            >"This! Raping!"

                                            >Wince.

                                            >"Every god damn morning I get up and Fluttershy is at my door trying to get into my pants. Fluttershy, Applejack. The Element of Kindness. Yet somehow, you are literally incapable of it."

                                            >Shift uncomfortably under his eyes.

                                            >"Rather than violate me you've made me comfortable, given me pie, cakes, all manner of drinks, and basically made this apple cellar more luxurious than my house!"

                                            "It's not -that- nice, see? There're hooks on the walls! Hooks are scary!"

                                            >"They are! But the grandfather clock you dragged down here to help me keep track of the time isn't!"

                                            >You eye your grandfather clock nervously.

                                            >It looks a bit out of place down here.

                                            >"Applejack, I can't actually believe I'm saying this, but you're the worst rapist I've ever met."

                                            "Uh, thanks...?"

                                            >"See, I don't even know if that's a compliment or not! What were you trying to do?!"

                                            "Seduce you, alright? I wanted to go on a nice date, like the kind Rarity would go on, then we'd do all that frou-frou romantic mumbo jumbo that ponies do and then you'd have sex with me!"

                                            >"Yeah, okay, major problem with that, you lost your mind, knocked me out, and locked me under your house for a week."

                                            "I know that, which is why this is so hard for me in the first place!"

                                            >"What's hard about it?! Just let me go!"

                                            "But I kinda like having you down here..."

                                            >"Oh for fucks sake."

                                            "What? It's nice! You're the only other guy I really know on a personal level... I feel like you listen to me..."

                                            >"Probably because I'm CHAINED TO YOUR FUCKING FLOOR."

                                            "Are you sure it's not more than that?"

                                            >"...What?"

                                            "M-maybe after the week you've spent down here, you've realised that ponies aren't so bad and maybe you want to get to know me better...?"

                                            >Give him a sheepish grin.

                                            >He stares at you.

                                            >"This isn't a fucking rom-com, Applejack, you've held me here against my will for a week, I've probably lost my job, Twilight and the gang are no doubt worried sick, and worst of all I bet Fluttershy's ransacked my house!"

                                            "...Well when you put it like that I guess it sounds kinda bad."

                                            >"Please let me go, Applejack, I just want my life back."

                                            "..."

                                            >"And also my house."

                                            "..."

                                            >"Shy's probably stolen all my underwear."

                                            >You let out a resigned sigh.

                                            "This is all Rainbow Dash's fault..."

                                            >"Why it is Dash's fault?"

                                            >You move over to undo Anon's bindings.

                                            "She said I was really worked up and needed to find a stallion, she recommended you since you matched all the traits I look for in a partner."

                                            >Anon nods sympathetically.

                                            "I thought that if I could show you a good time and get to know each other than we could start something special."

                                            >Anon, now free, stands up, cracking his back and yawning.

                                            >He puts his hands on his hips and peers down at you.

                                            >"But things didn't go according to plan, did they?"

                                            >Shake your head.

                                            "No... Today I learned that sometimes you just can't force someone to like you more than you want them too, and that by respecting each other's feelings and self-imposed restrictions you can help foster a more wonderful friendship."

                                            >The human nods happily.

                                            >"That sounds like a horribly sappy but roundabout way of summing up a kidnapping and attempted rape. You've learned a valuable lesson today, Applejack, well done."

                                            >He pats you on the head and you both smile at each other.

                                            >...

                                            >...

                                            "So can we have sex now?"

                                            >"You didn't learn a god damn thing did you."


                                            The End