GREEN
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3784 21.33 KB 374
3784 21.33 KB 374
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Originally uploaded to Pastebin: November 18th, 2016
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Inspired by a certain immortal, undying thread.
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"How long have we been here?"
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>Fluttershy shrugs.
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>"I'm really not sure. I thought something was supposed to happen when you die. Maybe heaven or hell? But this is um..."
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>She looks around at the run-down, dingy office space you both find yourselves in.
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>A barely functional fan whirs in the corner, blowing warm stale air around the room.
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>You rap your fingers on your knees and clear your throat.
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"So how long do you -think- we've been here?"
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>Fluttershy furrows her brow.
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>"Well I'm pretty sure that clock on the wall there has gone around a full twelve hours about four times since we got here."
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>You glance at the clock.
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>As you keep looking, you notice that the hands are moving far faster than they should.
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"Oh. A broken clock. Cool."
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>You puff out your cheeks, stuck for ideas.
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"Now what?"
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>Fluttershy shrugs.
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>"I could maybe, um, blow you?"
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"But that's what got us here in the first place."
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>"Your bad driving got us here in the first place."
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"You trying to suck the dick of a notoriously bad driver whilst said bad driver was driving badly near the edge of a cliff got us here in the first place."
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>She rolls her eyes in annoyance.
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>Then, mercifully, the door behind you both is barged open.
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>"Sorry! Sorry! Been a hectic day!"
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>A mare rushes in, carrying a stack of papers.
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>She hastily sits herself behind her desk, adjusting the crooked, damaged glasses on her face as she pulls up her chair.
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>Once she's settled, she sighs and gives you both a tired, but cheerful smile.
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>"Hello! Sorry about the mess and the delay, things are always chaotic around here."
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>She fumbles with a few pieces of paper, looking for something.
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>After lifting up her coffee mug to see if it was under there, she eventually finds a dishevelled stack of documents.
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>Pulling it in front of her, she chews her bottom lip as she skim reads, absently using a hoof to push some of her auburn mane behind her ear, slightly dislodging her glasses again in the process.
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>"Aaaaalright... So, Anonymous and Fluttershy!"
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>She scrunches up her face.
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>"Ooo, drove a wagon off a cliff whilst getting a blowjob. Is that your fetish or something?"
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>Fluttershy gives you a hopeful look.
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"No. Sorry, did you just describe how we died?"
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>"Well uh, yeah?"
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>She gives a little grin.
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>"This -is- the Department for Mortal Vacuity."
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"...The DMV?"
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>"Yep!"
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"Oh god. Fluttershy we're in hell."
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>The mare across from you snorts.
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>"As close to hell as you can get without actually being in hell."
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>She glances at her papers again.
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>"Though uh, with you guys its not that simple."
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>As she muses to herself, she readjusts her glasses and taps a hoof on the table.
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>"Look uh, listen."
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>She shuffles forwards in her chair.
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>"This is something that's pretty rare, it doesn't often come up. And by that I mean it literally never happens and we have no idea what to do."
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>She smiles weakly.
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>You and Fluttershy share a worried look.
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>"What's -supposed- to happen is people like you die, then move on to the next life. If you're Hindu you get reincarnated though."
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>She glances off to one side and narrows her eyes in thought.
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>"Kinda makes you wonder why more people aren't Hindus. But whatever."
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>The mare focuses on you.
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>"So the deal is, you live, you die, you stop off here for like, ten minutes or so, then we send you packing off to your next stop."
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"...The next stop being?"
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>"Eh, depends on your religion and sexual orientation."
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"I'm a straight Atheist."
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>"Non-existence. You'll pretty much just cease to be."
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"Radical."
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>Fluttershy raises a hoof.
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>"Um, I experimented with lesbianism in high school..."
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>The mare clicks her tongue.
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>"Oh then you'll--"
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>"And BDSM, water-sports, bestiality, paedophilia, hard drugs, clown sex, eco-sexuality, ego-sexuality, eggo-sexuality and eggs-on-sex-duality."
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>...
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>"Oh and floor tiles."
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>The mare blinks.
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>"Well you were going to hell, but if you're into floor tiles you'd go to heaven. Good choice."
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>"Woo hoo!"
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>The mare waves a hoof dismissively.
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>"But anyway, none of that is gonna happen to you two."
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"Why, what happened?"
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>She shifts uncomfortably.
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>"Well the department recently took on a few interns, and you guys were unlucky enough to get one of them. Normally things aren't so bad, but this time the fuck-up was so huge your paperwork is effectively null and void."
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"What does that mean?"
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>"You don't have a death-contract any more."
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"What does -that- mean?"
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>"The ordinary procedures that come with dying no longer apply to you."
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"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN."
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>She groans.
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>"You're not gonna move on! There's no afterlife for you two! No afterlife, no afterdeath, no afteranything!"
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>She looks at the clock.
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>"You've already been here for six days! That's not supposed to happen!"
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>Exasperated, she leans back in her chair.
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>"The top brass reckons that without any rules to govern you, your souls are going to be cursed to an eternity of undeath."
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>She sniffs and looks over your papers again.
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>"Suppose it's a good thing you two were close in life, always spending so much time in each other's company, because now you have to spend the rest of eternity together."
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"...I have to spend eternity with Fluttershy."
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>The mare to your left seems elated.
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>"Yeah, honestly, I don't know what you're gonna do."
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"Well where do we go?"
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>"Back to Equestria, I imagine. You'll probably just wake up at the bottom of that cliff you drove off and carry on as normal."
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"But the difference being we can't die."
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>"Yup."
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"Couldn't that be considered a good thing?"
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>"I guess, but lemmie throw you a curve-ball: Heat Death."
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"Heat Death?"
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>"Heat Death. The eventual death of the universe. Every particle, atom, quark, whatever, breaks down into nothingness until all that remains is entropy."
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"Okay, and?"
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>"And you two will still be there. Floating around in nothing. For quadrillions of billions of trillions of years. Squared."
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>You stare at the mare.
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>"But hey! If we figure something out before then, we'll come and get you. But don't hold your breath, because half the department just went on annual leave and there's a looot of paperwork to catch up on."
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>You slump in your chair.
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>Fluttershy pats your leg in sympathy.
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>Then keeps patting until it becomes awkward.
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"So that's it then. We're just gonna... exist. Until the end of time."
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>"I'm afraid so."
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>The mare snorts suddenly.
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>"Wow, I can't imagine how bad it must be to live forever, even after you've become bored with life."
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>You stare at her as she babbles on obliviously.
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>"Just... existing. Not even for any real reason, almost like you're alive just to spite the universe, to arrogantly proclaim that no matter how lifeless you become, you'll just keep existing because some cruel twist of fate decided that you should just -be- forevermore."
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>She shakes her head.
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>"Man, what a miserable existence. Can you imagine?"
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>She gigglesnorts.
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>Catches your eye.
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>Then quickly loses her smile.
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>"O-oh, but uh, don't lose hope! We'll figure something out, maybe. Might need to bring you in to sign some additional paperwork, but we'll let you know in advance."
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>She sighs happily.
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>"So! Any questions?"
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>"Ughhhh..."
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"Ffffuuuuuck..."
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>You stand, pain wracking your body.
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>It feels like every bone is broken, yet isn't.
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>Wobbling, you glance around, looking around at the shattered remains of your wagon.
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>Stumble on the spot, twisting your upper-half to peer at the cliff you just came down from.
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>Fluttershy rises from under a pile of twisted, broken wood.
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>"Ouch... A-anon?"
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"Yeah, hi-- shhit--"
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>You wince from the pain.
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>The pair of you take a moment to catch your breath and get your bearings.
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>Fluttershy opens her mouth to speak, clearly hurting a great deal.
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>"So was..."
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>She coughs.
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>"...Was any of that your fetish?"
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>Fucking Fluttershy.
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---
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I then wrote more.
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>Fluttershy collides with the wall at a breakneck speed.
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>Her body crushes against the stonework, and the resulting crack echoes around the relatively empty area just on the outskirts of Ponyville.
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>...
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"Well did it work?"
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>Your question hangs in the air for a few seconds.
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>...
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>"...No, still here."
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"Fuck."
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>It's been 4 weeks since both Fluttershy and yourself became immortal.
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>So far things have been less than stellar.
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>Mostly because Fluttershy takes both of your now literally 'unique' traits to be a sign for your everlasting love and relationship.
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>You've taken to spending your time as 'lovers' trying to figure out a way to escape the mortal coil.
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>Since the idea of not existing any more appeals to you greatly, considering you have an eternity to spend with your favourite(?) yellow pony.
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>Fluttershy staggers up the hill, rubbing her head with a pained look on her face.
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>You sigh and regard the shattered scooter at the foot of the hill she'd used in her experiment with a grimace.
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"Scootaloo isn't gonna forgive us for that."
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>Rubbing your stubble with a thoughtful hand, you shrug.
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"But she -will- be dead in a hundred or so years, so what does it matter."
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>You stuff your hands in your pockets and pivot on your foot, heading in the opposite direction.
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"I'm going to Twilight's again, you coming?"
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>Fluttershy whines and trails after you.
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>"Anon, we've been doing this for weeks now! I-I really think that pony at the DMC--"
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"DMV."
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>"DMV... I really think she was serious when she said we can't die!"
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"Huh, what clued you into that, Fluttershy? Getting crushed by a boulder? Throwing yourself onto a bonfire? Riding a ten-year-old's favourite scooter into a wall?"
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>"Those were all your ideas..."
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"Well it's your fault for getting us killed in the first place."
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>"It was not! And besides, the mare said our paperwork was, um, all messed up and stuff! So why would dying a natural death in, I don't know, sixty years or so change that?"
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>You frown.
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>She has a point.
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"Yeah, well, I just didn't want my first death to be going off a cliff with your mouth wrapped around my junk."
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>You wince.
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"After the crash I'm surprised I still have it since it was lodged between your teeth at the time."
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>Fluttershy huffs and trots on ahead of you.
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>"Well, I'm not going to let this little ditty ruin our relationship. You're mine for the rest of time, so there!"
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"Why do you think I've been trying to kill us so much then?"
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>"Because the lady said we'll both go to heaven if we die, so the way I see it, we'll spend eternity together regardless!"
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"Okay that's not even close to what she said, at all, but if you're willing to believe that so long as it motivates you into killing yourself, I'm fine with it."
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>"You'd better cut that attitude, mister, I didn't die just so you could mouth off at me for the rest of our marriage."
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"We're really not married."
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>"We sort of are. We're bound together forever and always, aren't we?"
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"..."
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>"That's what I thought, so..."
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>She turns to you, hesitates for a moment as if trying to think of a zinger to end with...
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>...Then gives up and just sticks her tongue out at you, blowing a raspberry.
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"Awesome display of maturity there, Fluttershy."
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>The pair of you trek through town towards Twilight's castle, the great crystalline structure casting a shadow over the pair of you.
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>This makes you realise that the sun is getting closer towards the horizon.
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"Damn, we've been doing this all day?"
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>Fluttershy cocks her head in confusion.
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>"But... I'm sure we only had lunch a couple of hours ago!"
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"We did."
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>You frown.
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"Maybe time goes by faster for us now?"
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>Your companion manages a smile.
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>"Or maybe we're just passing the time quickly. You know what they say, time flies when you're having fun! And every day is fun with you, Anonymous!"
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>She gives you a saccharine smile.
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"We spent all day trying to kill you."
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>The smile drops off her now moody features.
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>"I'm just trying to make light of a bad situation, Anon..."
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"Aww come on, I appreciate the effort, sorta."
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>Fluttershy storms off ahead of you.
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"Come on, Shy! Tomorrow we can try to kill me all day! I'll even let you throw bricks at my head!"
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>She doesn't listen, and instead keeps angrily walking towards the castle.
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>Her rump bounces with each step.
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>You try not to look.
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>Your meeting with Twilight went about the same as all the others.
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>She's confused as hell and is more concerned about the broken clock in the DMV than the actual existence of it.
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>So once more, you left with no progress having been made.
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>As you lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, you wonder about what you're going to do.
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>People dream about being immortal, right?
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>About seeing events in the future that you and your childhood friends all fantasised about?
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>Flying cars, laser guns, meeting aliens.
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>The future's gonna be great, right?
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>...But what happens after the future?
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>What happens after the bit after the future?
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>It's just going to keep going.
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>Forever.
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>Your mind paints a picture of the infinity of time.
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>And you, lonely little you, are going to be the sole inhabitant of all of reality at the end of everything.
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>You'd be lying if you said you weren't at all curious as to what would happen if you found yourself there one day.
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>What would life be like?
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>Just wake up every day, stare at black nothing-ness for about 14 hours, then go back to sleep?
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>Would there even be black?
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>Black denotes an absence of light, of colour.
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>If light stops existing, will there be black? You can't have an absence of something if nothing exists.
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>Absence implies a lack of entity within a defined space.
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>If there are no entities, then the word absence becomes obsolete.
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>...
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>The fuck are you even thinking about right now? Did any of that make sense?
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>You turn your head and look at your alarm clock.
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>It's 3 in the morning.
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>Not that it matters, today is going to be the same as yesterday.
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>And the day before that.
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>You don't even need to eat anymore.
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>You can, and you'll no doubt enjoy the flavour, but when you never feel hungry it's a chore to eat something just for the flavour.
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>Kinda takes the fun out of it.
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>...
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>What if you ate so much your stomach burst and you died of catastrophic internal rupturing?
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>...
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>Put it on the 'to do' list.
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>Rubbing your eyes, you ponder the meaning of your life for the billionth time.
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>So far, you've come up with nothing.
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>It used to be work, hit on cute mares, get money, buy junk food, take a yearly holiday, die.
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>With that last part now gone, it sort of invalidates the point of 'life goals'.
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>Or even working to earn money, since you know that eventually money will become pointless in a trillion years--
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>And there you go again.
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>Grab a pillow from beside you and hold it over your face, then scream into it.
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>Once done, you let the pillow fall to one side and go back to staring at the ceiling.
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>Who knew that immortality would suck so bad?
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>The movies made it seem so great.
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>Though you must admit, the idea that you'll outlive Celestia is quite funny to you.
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>She's gonna be so mad.
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>Fluttershy probably won't find it funny...
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>...Fluttershy.
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>She's downstairs at the moment, sleeping on your sofa.
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>Not that you said she could, but when a home invader can quite literally break through windows with her face and not be any worse for wear, you can't exactly keep her out.
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>Nor can you keep out the drafts now that most of your windows are broken.
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>Fucking Fluttershy.
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>"Are you sure this will..."
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>Fluttershy catches herself.
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>"It's not going to work, is it."
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"Of course it isn't."
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>"Then why are we doing it again?"
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"I just think it'll be really funny to watch."
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>"It'll hurt."
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>You roll your eyes.
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"Well who knows it might even be my fetish."
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>Fluttershy scowls at you.
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>"Jumping into a tank of sharks is -not- your fetish."
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"Could be. Do you really want to take that risk?"
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>She glares at you.
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>Then at the sharks.
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>Then at you again.
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>...
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>Then holds her nose and cannon-balls into the shark tank.
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>You laugh as the beasts within tear her to bloody pieces.
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>Only they don't, they actually treat her like a chew toy.
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>She folds her arms in annoyance as a shark grips her body and thrashes her around.
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>Her unamused expression is pressed against the glass with considerable force.
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>The whole time, her mouth is straight and her furrowed brow is directed at you.
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>You just chuckle and enjoy your milkshake as the citizens behind you carry on like nothing is happening.
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>By now, Ponyville's residents have come to terms with their two least favourite residents being unassailable.
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>You say least favourite because one of your early plans was to incite an angry mob to try and kill you.
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>How you accomplished whipping a town of pretty mellow and laid-back ponies into a murderous blood-lust is the reason why Fluttershy and yourself are so unpopular.
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>Those elderly ponies never saw it coming, poor geriatric bastards.
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>As Fluttershy rolls around in the water, her discontent clear by her bored expression as a desperate shark tries its hardest to maul her, you ponder what to do next.
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>How do you plan for the future when the future doesn't mean anything to you?
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>There'll always be tomorrow.
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>That's it. That's your life now.
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>There will -always- be tomorrow.
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>So with a careless shrug, you leave Fluttershy in her tank and go to find something else to do.
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>At a leisurely pace, of course.
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>You have all day.
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"You're not seriously still mad."
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>Fluttershy trots alongside you as you stroll along casually.
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>The dirt road you find yourselves on is a typically quiet, idyllic locale, and it's nice to walk here every so often to take in the scenery.
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>So far, this will be the seventh time you've walked along it today.
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>Hey, you have a lot of free time now.
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>"It took me hours to get out of that tank, Anonymous! Those sharks were -very- persistent!"
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"Ahh what's the big deal."
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>"The big deal is I wish you would take me more seriously now that we're stuck together!"
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"But what's the point!"
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>She frowns.
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"What's the fucking point, Fluttershy? These are our lives now!"
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>You laugh.
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"I... I just don't know how you can't fathom this! We're gonna be stuck together for the rest of time! How can you stay optimistic about all of this?!"
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>Fluttershy sighs, then composes herself.
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>She's quiet for a moment, obviously running over what she wants to say in her head.
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>Finally, the mare wets her lips, and with a careful voice addresses you.
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>"Because I'm excited to see what the future will bring."
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>You snort involuntarily.
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"It'll bring an eternity of floating around in nothingness."
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>"Are we there now?"
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>Blink.
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"Wh-- well no, but we -will- be!"
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>Fluttershy cocks her head.
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>"Why does that matter? Right now we're in Equestria. It's Tuesday, around five in the afternoon. Pinkie's birthday is in five days, and we all have a nice little get-away planned sometime next month, just you, me, and the girls."
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>Your eyebrows knit together and you fold your arms.
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"...Yeah, and?"
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>"So enjoy it."
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>She gives you a sad look.
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>You're almost taken aback by the sincerity of it.
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>"You're so focused on what's coming that you're not paying attention to what's around you now."
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>The mare takes a measured step towards you.
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>"Answer me this, what's more appealing to you? Spending an eternity floating around in some nothing-y void, or spending an eternity floating around in a nothing-y void with the memories of a life well lived?"
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>You stay silent.
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>"Me being immortal made me realise something. I'm going to outlive everything I love. But I don't let that consume me or make me bitter, it just makes me want to spend more time with my friends, with my family..."
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>She touches your leg with a hoof.
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>"With the people I care about most."
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>Her eyes drop down and she looks at a clump of grass clinging to a lonely rock in the middle of the path.
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>She twists and turns her head, looking intently at a little bug crawling on a blade of green, then looks to the sky and takes in the crisp air flowing through her mane, the waning sun steadily warming her glossy coat, and the sounds of Ponyville in the distance.
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>"All this is going to fade soon. It'll be gone. This planet won't be around forever, I know that."
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>The mare offers you a soft smile.
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>"So I'm going to enjoy as much of it as I can for as long as possible. Because one day it's going to be gone and you and I are all that's going to be left. Time doesn't have any sort of meaning any more, but that doesn't mean I want to waste it."
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>Fluttershy peers directly into your eyes, her expression soft, and hopeful.
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>"I want to spend it making memories."
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>...
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>You crouch down and pull her into a tight hug.
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>The pair of you stay like that for a good while.
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>Squeezing the pony close to you, you can smell her mane.
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>It's still a bit damp from the shark tank.
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>You run your hands up and down her back, feeling the feathers in her wings, the ridges and bumps on her body.
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>She hums contentedly at your touch.
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>You just keep holding her.
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>Fate decided that she's the one you're going to spend the rest of your life with.
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>So you might as well start getting used to it.
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>...
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>...
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"I mean it was a great speech, but you're not sleeping with me any time soon."
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>"Horseapples."
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>You gently laugh and stand up, smiling warmly down at Fluttershy.
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>She beams back at you.
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"I'll admit that I'm a sucker for theatrics, and I suppose we've tried things my way so far, so..."
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>You reach down and scratch her head with some fingers.
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>She closes her eyes and leans into you, enjoying the sensation.
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"Come on then, oh-life-partner of mine. Let's go see what Equestria has to offer."
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>With that, you set off home, this time with a bit more of a spring to your step.
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The End
by Nebulus
by Nebulus
by Nebulus
by Nebulus