[FLUTTERRAPE] Love-Questing


                                            Originally uploaded to Pastebin: August 31st, 2017

                                            ---


                                            Anonymous: "We'll crowdfund you, Neb; no worries, brah."


                                            ---


                                            >"...this means that the dildo will actually be flexible enough to perform a u-turn whilst -inside- your intestinal tract!"

                                            >Fluttershy gently sets the four-foot glistening black replica horse-dong in its absurd, equally-sized box.

                                            >The mare beams at you, satisfied that she nailed her presentation.

                                            >You glare at her, as you do every Monday.

                                            >And every Tuesday, and so on.

                                            >You stuff a hand into your pocket and feel around for a scrunched up piece of paper you have in there roughly adorned with a list of insults you had prepared over breakfast not fifteen minutes prior.

                                            >Just as you unravel it and clear your throat in preparation for the coming verbal savagery, you pause.

                                            >Fluttershy waits expectantly, a neat packet of tissues already placed before her and ready to go for when you inevitably provoke her into sobbing.

                                            >You eye the leviathan resting in the box with vague curiosity.

                                            >Then look to Fluttershy with a furrowed brow and a tightened pair of lips.

                                            >Slowly, you slide the paper back into your pocket and fold your arms.

                                            >Fluttershy seems nervous; this isn't part of the routine, and she doesn't like change.

                                            >You wet your lips and start slowly.

                                            "Fluttershy..." she perks up, "I've been meaning to ask you this for a while, but I kept on forgetting until just now..."

                                            >The pony cocks her head, trepidation in her eyes.

                                            >"Is it about the dildo--"

                                            "It's not about the dildo, and at the same time it's entirely about the dildo."

                                            >She seems confused.

                                            >You gesture a hand at the silicone monstrosity and address the question more to it than to its owner.

                                            "How much did this cost?"

                                            >"Oh! About a hundred and fifty bits!" Fluttershy chirps, "It was a commission from Manehatten, they don't do them anywhere else, nor in that size, and they certainly don't ship things that big and, um, l-lewd to anywhere that's not in the city, so I had to pay a lot more than I normally--"

                                            "Yeah that's great," you say talking over her, "the point is that this thing is pretty fucking expensive, and last time I checked you're a vet-type-thing."

                                            >"I run an animal sanctuary--"

                                            "Again I don't care, but the gist of it is that you don't make a whole lot of money from that, and definitely not enough to fund something like -this-." you finish by thrusting an outstretched palm at the dildo.

                                            >Fluttershy frowns and tilts her head to the side slightly.

                                            >"So I save up my money to buy you nice things, what's wrong with that?"

                                            "First of all, 'nice' in this context is -heavily- subjective, secondly that's part of the problem; you don't do this sort of thing once in a blue moon, you do it every day."

                                            >You let out an impatient huff and get to the point.

                                            "What I'm trying to say is, how the fuck are you funding all of this? Are your parents rich or something?"

                                            >To your surprise (and dread), Fluttershy's eyes light up, and she unfurls her wings, hovering herself above the ground.

                                            >"Oh my goodness-- do you want to see? Come on! I'll show you!" she grabs your arm and tugs you away from the safety of your front door.

                                            >"You'll be so proud of me!"

                                            >You haven't been this frightened in a long time.


                                            >"It's called Haytreon!"

                                            >You stare blankly at Fluttershy's home computer.

                                            >It's garishly pink and yellow, just like the mare.

                                            >Said mare is perched on a finely crafted wooden stool, her shapely bottom resting on a large, plush cushion adorned with flowers and butterflies.

                                            >You turn your attention to what's actually on the screen.

                                            >Some archaic-looking website with comic-sans font and cartoonish animated images running at three frames-per-second is splashed before you along with a flashing neon banner reading: ' HAYTREON! - EQUESTRIA'S PREMIER CROWDFUNDING PLATFORM! '.

                                            >Then in small-print beneath it: ' Changelings not welcome '

                                            >Fluttershy slaps her hooves on the keyboard several times, somehow managing to perfectly spell out her own name in a search-bar.

                                            >Her computer splutters in protest as it's forced to process the abominable website.

                                            >Lo and behold, Fluttershy's saccharine smile pops up, accompanied by a lengthy description and a video.

                                            >The header at the top reads "Fluttershy is trying to find love!"

                                            >To the side of her face you read something that causes you to do a double-take.

                                            >' 1140 backers '

                                            >' 3,228 bits per month '

                                            >You gawk at it.

                                            >Then at Fluttershy.

                                            >She's not looking at you, and is instead beaming at the number of backers she has.

                                            >"Oh wow! It's gone up! Last night it was eleven-hundred and thirty-two!"

                                            "What... the fuck -is- this?"

                                            >"I said, it's Haytreon!"

                                            "I don't know what that is, are you seriously being paid three grand a month?"

                                            >"Uh-huh! Basically you set up a page and tell ponies what you want to do, then you write a description and maybe make a video. If ponies like it and want to support it, they pledge to give you a little bit of money each month towards helping you!"

                                            >You stare at her in horror.

                                            >Then in doubt.

                                            "-You-... made a video."

                                            >She rubs her hooves together bashfully.

                                            >"I-I was really nervous, it took me over an hour to get through my introduction... but I think I really got it in the end, watch!"

                                            >She clicks on the video and it starts playing.

                                            >Cutesy, out-of-tune banjo music begins playing, and the camera struggles to focus on a cardboard sign held right in front of the camera's lens.

                                            >' "Um, Angel? I think you might need to hold that a bit further away...' "

                                            >The sign draws back.

                                            >' 'FLUTERSHYS QUEST FOR LVOE!!!' '

                                            >It drops off the bottom of the screen and Fluttershy stares rigidly at the camera for a few seconds.

                                            >' "U-Uhh, I-I um, hello! My name is, uh, Fluttershy and I really need your help! My life has been spent searching for love, and I think I've finally found it! However... um, Angel? Can you please hold it still I can't read it... thank you-- However, my one true love needs persuading, so I need to find his fetish! Every day I will try something new to try and win him over! I'll be posting updates to tell you all how I'm doing, and whether or not I feel like I'm getting closer to my goal! W-we're all in... Angel-- thanks, we're all in this together! So won't you join me on my quest for love?" '

                                            >She sticks out her hoof, as if inviting the audience along.

                                            >...

                                            >Then she just holds it there, trembling.

                                            >The banjo music stops abruptly with a roar.

                                            >The mare flinches and looks off camera.

                                            >' "Harry? Oh no-- I said not to play the music near the hummingbirds! They don't like it!" '

                                            >Everything shakes as a terrified bear clutching a banjo collides with Fluttershy as hummingbirds accost him, and the video ends with a sudden cut to black.

                                            >Fluttershy keeps glancing at you as you watch, trying to gauge your reaction.

                                            >You're more amused than you thought you'd be.

                                            >"It um, it was one of our better takes..."

                                            >She reaches forward and scrolls down the page

                                            >"But ponies really like it! I have so many lovely comments from ponies all over Equestria! A lot of them even give me tips! Remember the magic trick I tried last Thursday?"

                                            >You glare at her with unspoken hatred at the mention of the magic trick.

                                            >"That was from a stallion in Las Pegasus called Penteller! He's been a backer since the start you know--"

                                            "So what this basically is, is crowd-funded rape attempts."

                                            >"Love-questing attempts, Anon."

                                            "Love-questing. That's what we're calling it. Love-quest-- alright, so how can I get this shut down?"

                                            >She draws back, giving you a wounded look.

                                            >"W-well I um, I don't want to get it shut down, Anon..."

                                            "Are you fucking with me right now? Fluttershy you're on my door -every day- with this shit, I want it to stop, and if I can get this shut down then that'll hopefully stop it and we can go back to the way things used to be where you only used to bother me every month or so."

                                            >She holds her hooves close to her chest, looking down at herself, crestfallen.

                                            >"I-I thought you'd be proud of me for putting myself out there..."

                                            >...

                                            >You give her a flat look.

                                            >Then glance at the screen again, and at the comments displayed on it.

                                            >' YoungBuck888: "Go get 'em, Shy! We're rooting for you!" '

                                            >' Toadz: "I bet he'll give in any day now, just keep at it!" '

                                            >' LightStarGlamr: "Have you tried travelling back in time and enslaving his village?" '

                                            >You exhale through your nose and rub your closed eyelids with an index finger and thumb.

                                            >Wearily, you look back at Fluttershy, who regards you glumly.

                                            "Yes, Fluttershy, I'm proud of you. But I still want this shut down."

                                            >Fluttershy pouts.

                                            >Turning back to the screen, she scrolls up to the top again and stares longingly at the number of followers she has.

                                            >Then at the bits-per-month measure.

                                            >After a moment, she looks at you again, her expression having taken on a more subtle, thoughtful appearance.

                                            >"So what if I, uh, just gave you half of what I earned every month?"

                                            >...

                                            "...Say what now?"

                                            >"You know, I give you fifteen-hundred bits a month, and you keep quiet about it and just um, go along with it?"

                                            >You stare at her.

                                            >She stares back.

                                            >After a shockingly brief internal debate, you extend your hand, whereby she gently places her hoof against it, and the pair of you give each other a firm shake.

                                            "I think that's a tremendously agreeable course of action, Miss Fluttershy."


                                            >And here you thought crowd-funding was a sucker's game.


                                            ---

                                            Update - 02/12/2020

                                            An Anon then posted the following (found it in the archives):

                                            "Now I'm imagining Fluttershy upping the backer rewards; if you give her 100 bits or more she'll live stream her attempt to get into Anon's pants. At 200, she brings the lucky pony along with her."

                                            ---


                                            >Someone knocks on your door.

                                            >It sounds off though.

                                            >Normally it's a brisk 3-knock sequence.

                                            >This time the knocks were a faint quartet, and they weren't even spaced out properly.

                                            >Could it be that you have an early morning visitor that isn't Fluttershy?

                                            >The thought fills you with optimistic vigour, and you wander into the hallway en route to the front door.

                                            >Flinging it open, your smile quickly fades.

                                            >Sure enough, there's Fluttershy.

                                            >And stood next to her--

                                            >"Oh, sweet, Celestia, it's him!"

                                            >--Is a stallion.

                                            >Fluttershy, full of mirth, hastily nods.

                                            >"I know! Alright, now this is the part where Anon asks me what I want."

                                            "What the fuck is this, Shy, voyeurism?"

                                            >The stallion cackles gleefully.

                                            >Fluttershy steps forward and clears her throat.

                                            >"Good morning, Anon! Today I have another guess -and- a guest!"

                                            >She proudly gestures to her companion.

                                            >"This is Lodestone Fetlock!"

                                            >Lodestone brims with excitement.

                                            >"He's my most generous backer, so today he's sitting in on our session!"

                                            "Seriously."

                                            >"Afterwards we're all going out for breakfast!"

                                            "No fucking way am I going out for breakfast with you--"

                                            >"I'm paying."

                                            "Sounds divine, so when are we going?"

                                            >"After I'm done, so!" she straightens her posture and gives a knowing wink to Lodestone, who giggles. "Are trading cards your fetish?"

                                            >She holds forth a small card with a depiction of a grinning frog on it.

                                            >"It's really rare!"

                                            "I don't want your trash cards, and I don't want you on my doorstep anymore either."

                                            >The mare quickly turns to Lodestone.

                                            >"This is it, here it comes!"

                                            >The two of them squeal and look to you with anticipation as you pull your trusty list of insults from your pocket and start from the top.

                                            "Get off my doorstep you yellow fuckrod; you empty-headed wretch of a mare; you vacuous disgusting plebeian; you failed abortion of a pony; you putrid smelling nincompoop; why do you keep bothering me, is your life really so sad that you've got nothing better to do? Are your parents proud of the failure they've raised? I bet your even your brother looks at you with pity, I bet I can count on zero fingers the number of stallions that find you attractive; go jump off a bridge you pustule-ridden harlequin."

                                            >With a nod, you stuff the paper back in your pocket.

                                            "Also, 'Lodestone Fetlock' is a stupid fucking name."

                                            >Fluttershy, as usual, is crying and wiping her eyes.

                                            >Lodestone is awestruck.

                                            >"Wooah, y-you're so good at making everyone around you completely miserable and devoid of optimism! How do you do it...?"

                                            "I use 4chan."

                                            >"Cooool!"

                                            "Now I believe I was promised breakfast."

                                            >The three of you depart for Sugarcube Corner, where you all enjoy delightful treats and sugary things for the rest of the morning.


                                            The End.