Anon Teaching


                                            >Day why couldn’t you resist earth pone butt

                                            >You are Anonymous

                                            >And because you were nodding while distracted by flower plot you are in front of a bunch of snot nosed punks

                                            >And Sweetie Belle

                                            >She’s alright

                                            >2cute

                                            >”Now my little ponies, we have a special guest today.”

                                            >Cheerilee sounded like every grade-school teacher ever

                                            >Except Miss Barnes

                                            >Fuck Miss Barnes

                                            >”I know you’ve all noticed him around Ponyville in the few months he has been here.”

                                            >”And I know that you’ve all had your own questions, so I’ve taken it upon myself to invite Mr. Anonymous here to speak with you all.”

                                            >You don’t like kids

                                            >You’ve never liked kids

                                            >And now you’ve promised at least an hour of your time to them

                                            >Fucking earth pony ass

                                            >”So without further ado, I present Mr. Anonymous!”

                                            >That’s your queue

                                            Thank you very much Miss Cheerilee.

                                            >Smile, not too big

                                            Good morning, class.  I am Mr. Anonymous

                                            >Fucking A I’m a Mister

                                            But just call me Anon for short, I realize my name is a bit of a mouthful

                                            >I laugh at the faggots that talk like that, I sound like a Burger King manager talking to fucking sixteen year olds

                                            >Where did everything go so wrong?


                                            Now, Miss Cheerilee wanted me to come speak to you all today about the life of a typical human.

                                            >Oh shit, what do I talk about? I was boring as hell back home

                                            >Lol let me tell you kids about the days at work and the nights masturbating

                                            >Fuck that

                                            However I’ve decided that that wouldn’t be much of a subject, especially for the time allotted.

                                            A typical human life isn’t that much different than a typical earth pony’s life.

                                            >There we go, now add on something pithy.

                                            We live, love, and laugh just the same as anypony else.

                                            >Anypony…ugh

                                            But as you can plainly see we are without the magic that allows pegasus flight and weather control, and unicorn spellwork.

                                            >”No magic? Like, how do you get your cutie marks then?”

                                            >Just started and already a little shit is interrupting me

                                            >Pink and purple and not best filly

                                            >Don’t drop the smile, kids may suck ass but you aren’t going to make them any better by being a bitch

                                            Humans don’t receive cutie marks miss…?

                                            >”Diamond Tiara, please hold questions until the end”

                                            >Thanks for the save Cheers

                                            Diamond Tiara, since cutie marks are a touch of the magic of destiny, as Twilight Sp-

                                            >”You know, PRINCESS Twilight Sparkle?!”

                                            >Rude ass mother fucking

                                            Yes, and as I was saying

                                            >Don’t drop the smile they’re just kids

                                            >Don’t drop the smile they’re just kids

                                            As Princess Twilight Sparkle explains, cutie marks are a touch of the magic of destiny, and humans lack magic of any sort

                                            >”So you’re like, all blank flanks?”

                                            >I’m going to lose it on this pink bitch


                                            >”Diamond Tiara, I said hold your questions until the end of the presentation.  Interrupt again and I’ll have you stay after class until your father picks you up.”

                                            >Based ass mother fucking Cheerilee

                                            >Pone of the year, all years

                                            Thank you Miss Cheerilee, now as I was originally saying,

                                            >What was I saying

                                            >Cutie marks, princess books, no magic. No magic

                                            Since humans lacked magic of any sort we made up for it with invention, innovation, and our natural borne talents

                                            >”But I tho-“

                                            >One stink eye from Cheerilee put pink worst filly in her place

                                            >Literally perfect

                                            You all know the city of Manehattan?

                                            >Nods all around

                                            Every modern human city looks about the same

                                            >Bug eyes all round

                                            >Fuck yea humanity

                                            >No shit eating grin, keep it together

                                            There are exceptions of course

                                            Some towns about as small and close knit as Ponyville

                                            And others that make Manehattan look like Ponyville

                                            >Holy shit their eyes are even bigger

                                            >Gotta admit, feelin like a pimp

                                            As a species we are pretty tight knit and can come together to make some really amazing things

                                            For instance, earlier I said the magic we lacked denied us pegasus flight and weather control

                                            We still have flight, and can match Rainbow Dash in speed in the air and on the ground.

                                            >”YOU LIAmmph.”

                                            >Sweetie Belle seems to be holding back her orange friend

                                            >Loop da loop or something like that

                                            >Best filly


                                            We’ve built machines that allow such speed, air planes and automobiles respectively

                                            Rainbow Dash can fly a little bit faster than the speed of sound, supersonic speeds that’s about Mach 1 or 2

                                            The fastest plane that I remember before flew at about Mach 5

                                            >Everyone gasps

                                            There was supposedly some plane that flew at Mach 20, but I’m not sure so I won’t count it

                                            >Loop da loop looks pretty sad about it, guess she is Dash’s sister or something

                                            However for being self propelled without machine assistance I’m pretty sure Rainbow Dash is still the fastest thing around.

                                            >There’s a smile

                                            Now, moving on to culture humans can be as alike as two members of the same family or as different as a tree from a timberwolf

                                            >All eyes on you, all faces eager for the next piece of knowledge to be dropped

                                            >I knew it was a good idea to start off with vehicles, nothing says respect like going fast

                                            Just like the ponies before unifying, different cultures and races of humans stayed separated and hoarded what they could specialize in and only traded instead of trusting one another.

                                            However unlike ponies we never had wendigos to force us to come together

                                            >”Well, how did ya’ll manage to come together enough ta make those big cities and machines.”

                                            >Apt question pink bow

                                            Well, we were forced to do it the hard way.

                                            We argued, clashed, fought, warred, until it had gotten so bad that the entire world was in some part of conflict or another

                                            Then one nation ended the war

                                            >”Well that’s good everyhuman stopped fighting.”

                                            >Oh Sweetie how I’m going to hate doing this to you

                                            By destroying two cities in two days, and leaving the land uninhabitable to this very day

                                            >”That’s terrible.”

                                            >It is, glasses filly

                                            The nation itself thought so, so after that all the countries that were enemies decided to either ally with each other or simply promise never to fight again because our skill at invention was becoming too violent

                                            >Don’t want to go brutal and tell them about all that shit in detail

                                            >They’re too innocent and young for that.

                                            >Plus I doubt they’d get the nuances of what caused WWI and II


                                            So we picked up the pieces and helped each other heal

                                            Even the nation that ended the war so violently sent people to aid those they were fighting

                                            Since then there has never been a war like that

                                            >No need to tell them about America playing in the sand for fucking ever.

                                            And in fact the two nations are close allies to this day

                                            >”So, like you guys fought and even though it got so bad they forgave each other and became friends?”

                                            Absolutely correct Diamond Tiara.

                                            >I wonder why she looked at Sweetie Belle’s group before she asked that

                                            >Oh shit, gotta stop Cheerilee from getting mad at her

                                            >Oh, Cheers is smiling

                                            >Guess she knows the difference between interruption and inquiry

                                            Even though nearly every different group of humans initially lacked trust and caring for one another we all ended up friends.

                                            >Ok they’re stamping their hooves on their desks no-

                                            >Oh, that’s applause, that shit is cute

                                            While there is more to talk about, I’m going to go ahead and open the floor to some initial questions

                                            >All hooves fly up

                                            >Eager to learn, I like that

                                            Yes the white pegasus colt

                                            >”My name is Featherweight, Mr. Anon.  And um you said that humans are good at inventing stuff, do you guys have cameras or super hi-tech cameras?”

                                            Yep, you guys know about space right?

                                            >”Yes sir, that’s the name of Luna’s sky”

                                            Well we launched a camera there, to take pictures of space, other planets, and distant stars in our galaxy and sent the pictures back digitally so we can look at them.

                                            >”That’s so neat!  I wish my camera could fly.”

                                            >”Everypony would read the Foal Free Press if you could get pictures of aliens and stuff.”

                                            >No matter where they are, kids still go nuts for space


                                            Okay, next question

                                            >You point in a random direction and it lands on the grey filly with glasses

                                            What is your question young lady?

                                            >Is she blushing?

                                            >You got some competition in cute Sweetie Belle

                                            >”Um, I, my name is Silver Spoon.

                                            >And now she has gone shy

                                            And what is your question Miss Spoon.

                                            >Ok she is definitely blushing

                                            >”Um, how, um, where, wheredohumanbabiescomefrom?”

                                            >Well that was fast

                                            >And right to middle school biology

                                            >How to handle this without messing with the ones not in the know

                                            Miss Spoon

                                            >Fully red, guess she has a things for titles

                                            Do you know where pony foals come from?

                                            >Her eyes are glued to her desk, but you’re pretty sure she is nodding

                                            Human babies come from the same place, the same way.

                                            >There are about four blushing faces

                                            >One is Sweetie Belle

                                            >And she has her hoof up

                                            >Why not, this is kinda fun

                                            Yes, Sweetie Belle?

                                            >”Did you have a special somehuman?”

                                            >Rarity’s sister through and through


                                            No, Sweetie Belle I didn’t have a special somehuman, or a girlfriend as we called them back home.

                                            >”Well, do you have a special somepony now?”

                                            >I swear to God Sweetie Belle

                                            No, Sweetie Belle, I do not have a special somepony

                                            >”Well why don’t you be Ms. Cheerilee’s special somehuman, that way you can teach us all the time.”

                                            >Dammit Sweetie, I thought we were friends

                                            >And now the entire class is doing that ooh thing that happens whenever someone holds hands

                                            >You look a Cheer to ask for-

                                            >Red cheeks of course

                                            >Mention romance to any of these ponies and they light up like Christmas

                                            Relationships don’t work like that

                                            >”But Mr. and Mrs. Cake run Sugarcube Corner together.”

                                            >Thank.  You.  Sweetie.  Belle.

                                            >”And my mom and dad both run Silver’s Smiths”

                                            >And now Spoon is playing along awesome, just awesome.

                                            >”Ahem, sorry we don’t have time for more questions, children, but class time has run out.”

                                            >”AWWWWW”

                                            >Wait, seriously?  You were at this for three hours.

                                            >All the kids run out of the class chatting away about kid things

                                            >”Sorry they got out of hoof like that, once fillies start talking romance it is all over.”

                                            No problem Cheerilee, can’t believe I did this for so long.  Especially considering I don’t like kids

                                            >”I thought the same way before I started teaching Anonymous, but you just need one moment to change your mind.”

                                            >”And since you enjoyed it so much would you like to come talk again, they really took a liking to you.”

                                            Sure, I really only covered some science and history, there is a lot more I could speak about


                                            >”Excellent, we can discuss the lesson plan during dinner, maybe we can put something together while you’re pretending not to stare at my flank.