Not At All Magic School Bus


                                            >"Uh...Mr. Anon"

                                            >"This isn't my bus stop."


                                            Sorry about that Twilight, guess we're both a little new here.

                                            >She turns away apprehensively.

                                            >Great, another girl thinks you're creepy.

                                            >Like high school never ended.

                                            So, uh, where is your stop?

                                            >"1302 Crystal Lane."

                                            ...Crystal Lane?


                                            >She nods

                                            As in the Empire Heights community Crystal Lane?

                                            >She nods again bringing her hands up to her chest and fidgeting

                                            As in 20 miles off of my normal route just to get to the gate Empire Heights?

                                            >She takes a couple steps back and nods again

                                            >The rage was real


                                            >Bad enough you got off brand magic bleach that sent you to the wrong goddamn Equestria.

                                            >Bad enough that your fantasy of working your way into AJ's heart and marehood was crushed and you spent the first month in this hellhole homeless


                                            >Bad enough you had to go back to your shitty life of driving a shitty fucking public school bus.

                                            >Now you get to spend every goddamn day alone with worst pone.

                                            >In a somehow WORSE bullshit form

                                            >Not to mention a bonus hour of being away from home

                                            >Hoo-fuckin-ray

                                            Alright take your seat, I have to turn this thing around.

                                            >You maintain professionalism as much as you can.

                                            >"Y-yes, sir."

                                            >She quickly sits down in the 4th row seat.

                                            >You're pretty sure the a bit white hot fury managed to get past the normal shithead kid filter


                                            >Hard enough finding a place to turn in this fucking city

                                            >Half of your route was in the historic district as the kid's retard parents thought that old meant good.

                                            >Sadly old brick roads meant for horse and carriages translated poorly into modern times

                                            >Tried attending town halls to see about that shit.

                                            >That went about as well as expected.

                                            >'We maintain our historic districts Mr. Anonymous'

                                            >'It shows prestige when tourists can look upon over 200 years of history when they travel our fair city'

                                            >'I'm an old frigid cunt who has never seen a cock and I love shitty narrow roads, as they remind me of my dusty unloved muff'

                                            >You can't believe you ever wanted to cum inside Mayor Mare.

                                            >Pone Mayor was probably better.


                                            >Well after nearly 10 minutes just trying to get out of the historic district you start to hear something weird.

                                            ......ably mad Spi...

                                            ....rry Twi...

                                            >Never mind, not weird teenagers have cell phones.

                                            >A bit surprising that Spergle has a cell though.


                                            >Then you remember that she lives in the swankiest neighborhood in the city.

                                            >Actually outside the city.

                                            >Fucking county lines.

                                            >20 miles outside the city, which wasn't small in the first place.

                                            >Fucking worst pone, even worse human.

                                            >Probably has the swankiest overpriced phone from Orange.

                                            Hey, you can't talk on cellphones on the bus.


                                            >If you have to sit here bored for the next damn near hour, she can make due without her precious phone for half of one.

                                            >"I don't have a phone Mr. Anon."

                                            >Bullshit girl don't fucking lie to me!

                                            I heard you talking to someone, so unless you have an imaginary friend you forgot to introduce me to, put the phone away.

                                            >"I-I wasn't talking to anyp- one anyone!"

                                            >"....ink he heard me?"


                                            Don't make me confiscate your phone, you'll need to have your parents to come and get it.

                                            >"...ell him ok or he'll..."

                                            >"Yes, sir Mr. Anon. I'm sorry I'll turn it off and put it away right now!.....beep!"

                                            >Did this bitch seriously just say beep?


                                            >Half of you just wants to roll with it.

                                            >Princess Autist probably just got noticed by a dude for the first time.

                                            >All excited about prom or spring break, or whatever bullshit excuse the school makes up for you to chaperon more shit.

                                            >May be the happiest conversation she has ever had her whole life.

                                            >How much of a bastard would you have to be in order to try and ruin that.


                                            >You aren't that cruel.

                                            >Then the other half chimes in that you will have to add an extra hour to your work day because of this violet bitch.

                                            >You'll miss Archer.

                                            >It is a lot less violent here, but the bantz is still funny.

                                            >Not like you can DVR it.

                                            >You drive buses for a living.

                                            >Can't even stream it, since internet here is like worst Korea.

                                            >Fucking internet police.

                                            >What kind of anime message board bans you for calling someone a semen gurgling sextuple nigger.


                                            >Yeah, you're dropping the fucking hammer.


                                            Ms. Sparkle.

                                            >You used the same voice your boss used back when you used to fuck up.

                                            >You don't fuck up much anymore

                                            Did you seriously, honestly, just say "beep" to pretend you were hanging up your phone.

                                            >"...usted"

                                            >"N-No, sir."

                                            Ms. Sparkle, do you think I am deaf?


                                            >"No, sir. How else coul-"

                                            Or perhaps you think I am stupid?

                                            >"Absolutely not Mr. Anon I-"

                                            Or maybe, just maybe you want me to go through the process of turning this bus around again so I can fill out the forms to get you a detention.

                                            >"I'm sorry, please don-"

                                            Perhaps even a suspension.

                                            >"PLEASE I'M SORRY I'M SORRY"

                                            >Oh yeah, another push will have her full Lesson Zero.

                                            Either way this insubordination, requires the full attention of Principal Celestia.

                                            >"NO I CAN'T GO BACK TO MA-

                                            I'm willing to overlook all of this however.

                                            The lying, the childish attempt of tricking me, even using your cell phone on the bus.

                                            >"Thank you thank you thank you!"

                                            If you give me the cell phone, I'll only keep it until we reach your home.

                                            >You may be a vindictive motherfucker trapped in a nightmare Equestria without horsepussy, but you are above acting petty on the job.


                                            >She froze.

                                            >You could only catch glances of her in the bus mirror, but she looked terrified.

                                            Don't worry, I have not interest in breaching your privacy. You're free to put any kind of lock on it.

                                            >Whether she took nudes she was scared of you peeping on or which boy or girl she thought was SO HAWT that should calm her down a bit.

                                            >"Mr. Anon, sir."

                                            Yes, Ms. Sparkle.

                                            >"I-I..."

                                            >Fuckin a Twiggles whenever you're ready.

                                            >"I really don't have a cell phone."

                                            >Oh. For. Fuck's. Sake.

                                            So you were in your seat talking to yourself?

                                            >"....yeeees?"

                                            In two different voices?

                                            >"I uh..."

                                            >At least she looked ashamed.

                                            >"I really don't..."

                                            >Well now she just looked depressing.

                                            >She was worst pone, but she was still pone.

                                            >Well human.

                                            >But pone enough.

                                            Just sit down Twilight, I won't ask about it anymore.


                                            >Might be Smartypants.

                                            >Oh sweet baby Jesus that'd be sad.


                                            >You drive in relative silence after that.

                                            >Twilight looked down for a while.

                                            >I'd be down too if my only friend was a stuffed donkey.

                                            >At least things will get better for her.

                                            >Her being here means that she'll be assaulted by friendship on all sides very soon.


                                            >Or not.

                                            >This isn't pone world.

                                            >Celestia isn't even the highest authority when it comes to Canterlot High.

                                            >There's the school board and the superintendent.

                                            >You'd know who those people were if you have 1/8 of a shit.

                                            >Well you're coming up to Empire Heights.


                                            >You'd like to act unimpressed, but you're gaping like OP's asshole.

                                            >It is like leaving downtown Philly and pulling up to fucking heaven.

                                            >Even the road looks cleaner.

                                            >As you pass the open gates you suddenly feel very self-conscious .

                                            >Even the bus you drive makes you feel like more of a dirty fucking pleb, who should thank god that decided to give you a preview of what your bestiality loving ass will never see.


                                            >You take a quick look in the mirror to Twilight.

                                            >She seems to be in the same boat you are.

                                            >Wait, she fucking lives here, how is she stunned?

                                            >"...uch nicer.....anterlot"

                                            >"...ke shh!"


                                            >You know what.

                                            >Fuck it.

                                            >You decide to ignore the nerd talking to her dolly, and finish your route.

                                            >You turn onto Crystal Lane, and see a quaint little cul-de-sac.

                                            >Well, quaint if you had enough money to buy a Saudi prince as a sex slave.

                                            >And of course 1302 stands at the end, a full floor higher than the palaces that surround it.


                                            >You pull directly in front of the house, come to a complete stop, deploy the sign, and only then do you open the door.

                                            >You may hate your job and life, but you stay professional on the clock.

                                            Here is your stop Ms. Sparkle.

                                            >"T-thank you, sir."

                                            Since you are so far out of the way your stop will be my first tomorrow morning. Now, because of how far away this place is, you'll have to be out on the stop at around 5:30.

                                            >"Y-yes, s-sir."

                                            I know it is a tad early, but I need to keep the rest of the kids on their established schedule. Understand?

                                            >"Yes, sir,"

                                            >She was barely above a whisper that time.

                                            >Fuck.


                                            >It is one thing for the kids to think you're creepy.

                                            >You drive a bus comes part-in-parcel.

                                            >Terrified is a whole other thing.

                                            >Last thing you need is for rumors to spread that you raped a kid or anything.


                                            Ms. Sparkle.

                                            >"Yes, s..."

                                            >You didn't hear the end of that.

                                            I'm sorry if I scared you today, enforcing the rules are part of the rules that I have to follow.

                                            I won't tell Principal Celestia, anything. I meant that, just cut out on cell phone use on the bus.

                                            >"I really don't have a cell phone Mr. Anon."

                                            You alone is no problem, but every kid chatting away louder than usual is an unacceptable distraction since my focus is your safety.


                                            >"I'm telling the truth Mr. Anon, I don't have a cell phone.

                                            >Girl is sticking to the story.

                                            >Can't blame her, if you lie you lie until you die.

                                            Fine, fine. You can talk to whoever it is you talk to while you're on the bus alone, but I expect you to put it away when we reach Canterlot.

                                            >Also you really,really hope she is lying, because alternate universe Twilight that never found friends and shoots up a school is a distinct possibility.

                                            >There is one extremely creepy way of preempting that, however.

                                            >God you hope nobody sees this.


                                            >You offer your hand to her, and put on your best not at all rapey smile.

                                            Just because I'm the authority doesn't mean we can't be friends.


                                            >At evoking the magical 'f' word, all depression and hesitation is banished from Twilight Sparkle.

                                            >She grabs your hand with both of her's shaking quickly and awkwardly.

                                            >"Of course Mr. Anon! You were just doing your job, I understand being responsible for other's safety, and I'd be happy to be your friend!"

                                            Ok, Ms. Sparkle, that's good. Now would you please stop trying to shake me apart.

                                            >"Sorry, I'll be here tomorrow! Promptly at 5:30!"

                                            Thank you, have a good afternoon.

                                            >"You too Mr. Anon!"

                                            >With that she practically jumps off the bus and skips down the long ass driveway to the ornate door.

                                            >Where she stops and knocks...


                                            Fuck that shit I ain't Scooby Doo.

                                            >You stretch as much as your seat allows you, close up the door, and take off.

                                            >You grab an energy drink from under your seat, and chug it down.

                                            >You still have to get back to the school, cleanup, and refuel.


                                            >The drive back to Canterlot was as uneventful as it was long.

                                            >You pull up to the side of the school and park in your usual spot, and proceed to clean up the bus from all the scummy ass kids who can't be arsed to walk a few feet to the trash can right fucking beside you.

                                            >After fueling up you take the keys to the parking station where your boss waits.

                                            >"Mr. Anonymous, is there any particular reason you are an hour and a half behind schedule."


                                            Why yes there is Ms. Harshwhinny, but first I'd like to turn in my keys and clock out.

                                            >She raises and eyebrow, but silently takes your keys and hands you your car keys.

                                            >"Just a moment Mr. Anonymous."

                                            >"Now punch in your code"

                                            >BG4U

                                            >"You are now off the clock, Anon."

                                            Ok Harsh let me tell you about my fuckin day.


                                            >"Hahaha, no, you're lying she didn't just say BEEP!"

                                            Harsh, I swear to friggin God, funniest part was that she expected me to believe it. Like she was seriously surprised when I called her on it!

                                            >"Haha oh Anon, how do you always get these students?"

                                            You're the one in charge of assigning students, don't know why you give me all the crazies.

                                            >"Because Mr. Anonymous, I had hoped that the additional stress would help you to learn to be professional on the job."

                                            >...

                                            >"pfft"

                                            Hahaha.

                                            >"Hahaha."

                                            Goddamn that was good, I could believe that shit too. Everyone knows you're crazy.

                                            >"Hehe, and what makes you say that Anon?"

                                            Because you're friends with my crazy ass.

                                            >"Too true," she says holding up her water bottle in a mock toast


                                            So, why did you not let me know about Twilight?

                                            >"What did you say her name was?"

                                            Twilight, Twilight Sparkle.

                                            >"Hmm, I recognize that name from the Friendship Games. Odd I thought she already enrolled here, but no I didn't assign her to your bus."

                                            Speaking of which I have to head home, new route has be up at 4.

                                            >"Oh poor Anon, he'll have to live like I do until I find the best bus for a child. Boo, boo hoo hoo."

                                            Alright, I'll see you tomorrow Harsh.

                                            >"Don't forget about dance we have to chaperon tomorrow night."

                                            Fuck's sake, another one?

                                            >"I did the math Anonymous, we have about on average three celebrations of some fashion or another every month."

                                            Fine, bar after though, right?

                                            >"Wouldn't be a Friday without it Anonymous."


                                            >Goddamn Harshwhinny was the fucking best.

                                            >Literally LITERALLY the only part of this bullshit planet that didn't suck in some way or another.

                                            >She was a total hardass that would bite the head off of anyone that doesn't take their job seriously.

                                            >But if you remained professionalism on the clock, she was your best friend.

                                            >Too bad the other drivers wanted to fuck around and be everyone's friends.

                                            >Pranks with Celestia and the friendship of the rest of the staff wasn't worth one night not being able to vent to Harsh


                                            >She was a total bro, if she were the pony version you have little doubt that you'd be fucking her daily.

                                            >The doubt being Applejack.

                                            >Yeah the one here was a bit of a shithead that had a habit of getting into shouting matches with Rainbow's stinky ass, but she was just a teen.

                                            >You would sell your wholly corrupted soul in an instant for one night behind those muscular flanks.

                                            >Good thing you're nearly home, your sleeping aid is primed.


                                            >Graphic masturbation scene and fantasy of pounding a pastel pony pussy was edited out for time


                                            >*BEEP BEEP BEEP*

                                            >4 am.

                                            >Why is your alarm set this fucking early.

                                            >...

                                            >Oh yeah, worst pone, making your life worse.

                                            >SSS rank personal hygene, and head out the door half an hour later.

                                            >A short 15 minutes later and you were at the station looking at a decidedly less fun Harshwhinny.

                                            Good morning Ms. Harshwhinny.

                                            >"Good morning Mr. Anonymous, you are a good 10 minutes ahead of schedule."

                                            Just earning my check.

                                            >BG4U

                                            >You take your keys from Harsh.

                                            >No banter in the morning, on the clock you were a fucking model worker.

                                            >You still hated your fucking job, but Fridays with Harsh was a good reward.

                                            >You check the pressure of your tires and your air brakes, before driving off to pick up Twilight.


                                            >You arrive at 5:20

                                            >Twilight is decidedly absent.

                                            >No surprise since your early, so you grab an energy drink from under your seat and sip it as you wait.

                                            >A couple minutes later you see Twilight coming out of her house...

                                            >With another Twilight.

                                            >Yeah, one has a bun and a pair of glasses, but other than that they are identical.

                                            >"Good morning Mr. Anon!"

                                            This your sister?

                                            >"Yes," the specs sporting Twilight replied,"I rode the wrong bus yesterday."

                                            >She said hurriedly as she boarded the bus.

                                            Your name then?

                                            >"Uh...", but before she could say anything your friend came to her rescue

                                            >"Starlight Gli- SPARKLE! Starlight Sparkle, good ol' baby sis Starlight!"

                                            >"Why am I the baby sister?"

                                            Sure, take your seats. I have a schedule to maintain.


                                            >As soon as they both sit down you scream internally.

                                            >ITS FINALLY HAPPENING!!

                                            >Your "friend" Twilight must be the actual pony, here for a visit or some shit!

                                            >That means the portal is open!

                                            >Your waifu is within reach.

                                            >All you have to do is play it cool and hang near that fucking statue.

                                            >You want to squee, but you keep up your business face.

                                            >You cannot fuck this up, that means you have to act naturally until your chance comes up.

                                            >.....or sht could actually be her sister.

                                            >Parallel Universes and shit

                                            >Easy test though.

                                            >Keeping a hard eye on the mirror you proceed

                                            Hey Twilight.

                                            >"Yes, sir?"

                                            >"Yes?"

                                            >YES!

                                            Just letting you know that you should inform your parents to come to the school, so we can put you on the bus registry. May not have to get up so early.

                                            >"Ok, I'll let them know."

                                            >"...pposed...e...arlight.."

                                            >Oh that little shit just HAS to be Spike

                                            >"We'll both let them know, right SIS.

                                            >'Starlight' nods sheepishly

                                            >You continue with your route as normal, high on the potent drug of hope, cut with possible horsepussy.

                                            >The 8 of them are chatting away.

                                            >The din of stupid fucking teenagers chatting away would usually make you want to pull your hair out, but every time you look up and see two Twilights you can't help but feel happy.

                                            >In no time, you arrive at Canterlot High and let all the kids off.

                                            >You don't care about the cleanup today. You can finally leave this shithole forever.

                                            >"Fifteen minutes ahead of schedule, well done Mr. Anonymous."

                                            Thank you Ms. Harshwhinnny, are there any last minute preparations needed for tonight?

                                            >"....no, but thank you for the offer. I took care of all the last minute decorating myself.

                                            Well if that is all I'll go ahead and do my daily maintenance.

                                            >"I do hope you are not pushing for some kind of promotion Mr. Anonymous."

                                            No ma'am, I'm just feeling really good today.

                                            >You turn to her, grin plastered on your face, finally letting your internal joy vent a bit.


                                            >The day goes by quickly, hilariously so.

                                            >You'd expect it to take forever since you feel like a kid waiting for Christmas.

                                            >And this time Santa is actually bringing that winking marehood that you always wanted.

                                            >You even used your break to get a nice suit made.

                                            >All black red tie, white shirt, all fitted precisely.

                                            >And a pair of the most expensive shoes you could pay for.

                                            >Fuck bills you're going to finally be Anon in Equestria, better look the part.

                                            >As you arrive and take your place with the other chaperons you can't help but notice the attention you're getting.

                                            >"Well look at you Anonymous, you're all dressed up like you have a date"

                                            >"He might finally be ready to talk to the 'ol girl donchaknow."

                                            >You almost didn't recognize Cup Cake, and you didn't recognize the woman she was with.

                                            >Mostly because they've never talked to you before.

                                            >Who gives a shit, soon you're going to cartoon horse planet.

                                            >Can't fuck it up though, so you continue to play it cool.

                                            Just here to do what they pay me for.

                                            >You were beyond tempted to add a 'ladies' to that, but you can't fedora your shit up when you'll need to convince ponies to fuck aliens.


                                            >The chubby pair walk off giggling before sending Harsh your way.

                                            >She looks you up and down, expression unchanging.

                                            >"Just because you dress like you're getting paid double doesn't mean it will have an effect on your paycheck Mr. Anonymous."

                                            Just getting ready for the best Friday night of my life Ms. Harshwhinny.

                                            >Harsh smiles a small smile then goes back to professional mode

                                            >"Hmm...carry on then."

                                            >You keep an eye out for your purple ticket out of here. She is wearing the same fucking skirt as before, while the rest of her friends are decked out in thematically appropriate dresses.

                                            >Now you just wait.

                                            >Doing nothing.

                                            >But listening to shitty pop music and drinking way too sweet punch.

                                            >Kids can't even be trusted to spike it.

                                            >You'd be annoyed if you had to stay here any longer.

                                            >Marehood favors the patient.


                                            >Suddenly there was a loud crash as the doors were slammed open.

                                            >You glance over to see three girls strut in.

                                            >Bitches and their 'grand entrances'.

                                            >The 7 bitches and key to freedom and happiness, look see the girls and gasp.

                                            >Sunset is the first one to remember how to make words.

                                            >"What do you think you're doing here, Sirens? Without your pendants you're harmless."

                                            >Who?

                                            >The chick with the pig-tails stepped forward.

                                            >"It is true that you shattered our pendants, but they were never important outside of their ability to hold magic."

                                            >"Yeah, so what are you losers doin again," Rainbow shot it.

                                            >"Well Adagio has this awesome plan about getting our magic back and leaving here, but we'll still visit!"

                                            >"Sonata."

                                            >At that word the pony-tailed girl stepped back, and big afro took the lead.

                                            >"Our magic may be lost to us, but yours is easily accessed."

                                            >"Uh, not really. We barely know how to make it come, no way ya'll can take somethin we can't even get to," your waifu in another laifu replies.

                                            >"You're right we couldn't, luckily Twilight took care of the legwork for us," Adagio? Pretty sure that's what her name was, smoothly replies.

                                            >She then puts on a grin and holds up some big dumb locket.


                                            >Only now did you put two and two together and realize you're in a fucking movie plot.

                                            >So now you have to wait for the stupid fight or whatever the fuck to resolve.

                                            >No idea how long that'd take, not like you watched any of the things.

                                            >No hooves, you lose.


                                            >Normally you'd escort the girls out, since they don't go to school here and aren't anyone's dates, but you don't want to be the background idiot that gets zapped with whatever the fuck that Flavor Flav sized locket can do.

                                            >So you hang in the background sipping punch, like the background character you are.


                                            >Then you see something that would be expected, but is made terrifying by your knowledge of how this shit works.

                                            >Harsh was making a beeline to the three bitches.


                                            It'll be fine.

                                            >It won't be fine and you fuckin know it.

                                            >Harsh would walk up to them, ask that they leave, the orange leader, will smirk and say something she thinks is witty, and blast Harsh.

                                            >The heroes will gasp at what effect the weapon has, anywhere from opposite personality, to fully aware petrification, say something cheesy as a battle cry and charge forward avoiding the weapon.

                                            >The teammates who aren't useful in a fight will be taken out, this will build the hero's resolve and she will charge the leader, take a blast but keep going, and her resolve/friendship will make it all fine.


                                            >But while all that bullshit is happening Harsh will be suffering whatever effects this magic bullshit of the day will have.

                                            >Not to mention any other kids that are hit by strays.

                                            >You of course have the option to preempt all of this and just hide behind the statue to wait all this out.

                                            >Plus since this is a kid's movie you won't even have to die the coward's death, just be embarrassed and fired.

                                            >You might have even gone that route, if it wasn't for the fact that while you were sitting her thinking about it Harsh was already upon the girls.

                                            >"You three, aren't registered students here. As such, either join your Canterlot High companion, or I will be forced to escort you off the premises.

                                            >"Aww, you can't make an exception for us. We used to go here, you guys had the best tacos!" annoying pony-tailed girl memed in.

                                            >"I'm sorry the rules are set in stone,"FUCK," and aren't to be broken."

                                            >You charge.

                                            >Petrification.

                                            >Literally the worst of the options.

                                            >Opposite Harshwhinny would just end up being after work Harsh.

                                            >Even mindslave Harshwhinny would be better.

                                            >Plug her ears and keep her from following orders.

                                            >But turning into a statue.

                                            >An easily knocked over statue!

                                            >You aren't letting that shit happen to your bro.

                                            >"The rules are set in stone, just li-"

                                            FUCK OFF!

                                            >You punch that cunt right in her stupid face.


                                            >The locket drops from her hands as your ears are filled with the gasps of everyone around you.

                                            >It cracks open and fires a dark purple blast and hits one of the students.

                                            >"Why do I feel cold"

                                            >"Flash! Your legs!"

                                            >You turn to see, yep stone. Called it.

                                            >The stone climbs up his legs and works its way slowly across his body as the boy screams and tries to move before it consumes him.

                                            >You go to grab the locket, but you're beaten to it by the prone cunt you just socked.

                                            >"Grab him."

                                            >Before you could move your arms are pulled back by her two partners.


                                            >Even with her cheek swelling she smiles smugly.

                                            >"With all the magical goings on at the school, everyone here has a touch of magic within them."

                                            >Is this bitch seriously going to keep monologuing like you didn't just punch her in the fucking face?

                                            >"And with the adjustments made to this device, we can sap all of the magic from anybody. "

                                            >She turns to you, "Regardless of how magical they are."

                                            >Is this cunt retarded.


                                            >As she opens the locket to fire a blast at you, you yank your arm forward so that pig-tail girl flies in front of you to take the hit.

                                            >You smile as your eyes are filled with the bright light behind her body.

                                            >You look yourself down and see that your plan worked.

                                            >"That idiot was going to use me as a shield, Adagio!"

                                            >You turn to see the girl is alright, clutching your arm still as she tries to regain her balance.


                                            >You look in front of you to see Harshwhinny.

                                            >She took the hit, trying to save you.

                                            >She turns, serious look still on her face.

                                            >"I am willing to forgive your horrid lack of on the job professionalism, this one time, if you keep the children safe."

                                            Harsh, why, I could've taken the hit. You're better at herding the kids anyway.

                                            >She smiles, "because you're my best friend, and you'd do the same for me."

                                            >The stone envelopes her face, leaving a smiling Harshwhinny statue in her place.


                                            >You stand there just as frozen as she is.

                                            >Ignoring the panicked screams going on around you.

                                            >Until some stupid kid bumped into the statue of Harshwhinny.

                                            >You move to save it, the strength of two teenage girls doing nothing against your desperation.

                                            >You grab the statue and balance it back upright.

                                            >Seeing the girls still trying to hold on so their leader can make whatever stupid fucking gloating speech she wants to.

                                            >You yank your arms from their grasps, and straighten up your tie.

                                            >You dust yourself off and stand up straight and tall.

                                            ATTENTION CANTERLOT STAFF AND STUDENTS.

                                            >As should be expected one scream among many didn't grab anyone's attention.

                                            SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU GAGGLE OF RETARDS!

                                            >The room went deathly silent and still.

                                            >"oooooooh"

                                            >"Pipe down Sweetie Belle", Applebloom whispers.

                                            ALL STUDENTS PROCEED TO THE NEAREST EXIT IN AN ORDERLY MANNER!

                                            ALL STAFF AND CHAPERONES ARE TO ENSURE EVERY CHILD MAKES IT OUT SAFELY.


                                            >Still stunned by your use of language, no one questions your orders.

                                            >"Good job Mr. Anon, girls lets-."

                                            That won't be necessary Ms. Sparkle, nor is it a good idea.

                                            >"I knew the bus driver was a total creep, but to be evil too. What did they promise you?"

                                            >"Uh Rainbow, why would he punch Adagio right in her apple hole if he weren't with us."

                                            >"Good point Aj, but why should we not give them the 'ol Rainboom?"

                                            Because that is their plan.

                                            >"WHAT!" all the girls screamed at you, Sirens included.

                                            They want you to blast them with your magic, so that they can take all of it and wreak havoc on Equestria. And since the elements have enough magic to tame Discord and Nightmare Moon, I feel it would have no problem taking out Celestia, Luna, and Cadence.

                                            >"H-how do you know about Equestria?"

                                            >Rather than do the whole autistic 'I watch you every week' you decide to play it close to the vest.

                                            You honestly expect me not to be able to hear four rows behind me, Twilight Sparkle?


                                            >"It doesn't matter, if you know our plan or not."

                                            >"We aren't giving your our magic Adagio, and without magic of your own you can't even threaten us to."

                                            >"How else do you expect to free your friend, otherwise?"

                                            >Pig-tails runs over to the statue of the boy that was hit and adds,"Or keep us from accidentally knocking them over."

                                            >The girls collectively gasped at their ruthlessness.

                                            >You decide to ignore them.

                                            Girls evacuate the gym with the others.

                                            >"You think we won't do it!"

                                            >The pig-tailed girl pushes with all her might and tips over the boy.

                                            >The statue falls and...

                                            >Nothing.

                                            >Thing doesn't even crack.

                                            >Well this is a kids/no hooves loving heretics movie.

                                            >You calmly turn and grab the girl's arm, pulling her away from the statue

                                            >As Adagio raises the locket you decide to jump in.

                                            We both know what I'll do if you try that.

                                            >She grits her teeth as you continue to approach, her companion weakly struggling in your grip.

                                            >You then grab the other one as she was munching on everything from the snack table.

                                            >Both of them in your hands, ponytail still munching away on what she could carry, you approach Adagio.

                                            Return the two people to their natural state, and give-up the locket.

                                            >She growls for a second before smiling.

                                            >"I can't, and I won't. The magic taken from them was replaced by the petrification spell within the nexus of the locket.

                                            >You ignore the Warcraft-tier bullshit explanation.

                                            So, absorb the spell from them.

                                            >"Sorry, big guy, but stealing their magic would just give back the petrifcation spell."

                                            >"You have no choice, submit your magic, and I will free them."

                                            >"Ok, if it means helping my fri-

                                            Ms. Sparkle, I've already told you. Leave the pr- wait.

                                            >You throw both girls into Adagio and wrench the locket out of her hands while she is stunned.

                                            Twilight!

                                            >Both girls look at you.

                                            Not Princess Twilight.

                                            >The one with straight hair looks to her bespectacled doppelganger.

                                            >Can you adjust this thing so that it just absorbs magic?

                                            >"Of course, I made it.


                                            >Don't fucking ask, to travel that road is to travel the road not hooved.

                                            Do it.

                                            >She tweaks the thing while muttering to herself about what a hack job was done to it.

                                            >"Ok, I've made the adjustments, all I needed to do was take off all the crap they added to it"

                                            So, go ahead and free them.

                                            >"You can't!"

                                            And why is that Twilight?

                                            >Don't smack her, don't smack her, don't smack her, don't smack her.

                                            >"The remaining residual magic will still be in the configuration of the spell, so once their natural magic returns they'll be stone permanently."


                                            So the solution is?

                                            >"The spell matrix was only possible from the Equestrian magic that was introduced when we opened the portal to this realm."

                                            >"Wait! Does this mean that I have to go back?

                                            >"No, Sunset, just all of your magic."

                                            >The girls all what before Princess Twi puts up a hand.

                                            >"And mine too."

                                            And that means...?

                                            >You know this shit had to be explained so the kids could get it, but you hate all delays between your friend being free and you being in Equestria.


                                            >"I have to leave, and never come back, and all of the girls have to permanently give up their magic."

                                            >Well that definitely didn't have sequel hook attached to it.

                                            >Maybe spin-off series.

                                            >But what girls would want to watch a generic high scho-

                                            >Oh fuck all of them!

                                            >FUCKING HASJEW!


                                            >While you're busy raging against the merchant in another universe, the girls are saying their tearful goodbyes.

                                            >"Sunset, you shouldn't stay."

                                            >Everyone looks at Buns High the Science Twi, even you're a little shocked by this.

                                            >"Why shouldn't I?"

                                            >"You came from Equestria, that means like with Twilight, there is another Sunset Shimmer here. A Sunset that, like me, needs a few friends."

                                            >Huh, so they keep all the characters, but have the make friends arc again.

                                            >Goddamn you've never been happier to be pure of hoof.

                                            >Wings on Twilight isn't shit to watching the same fucking arc three times.

                                            >Sunset looks down but knows Twilight is right.

                                            >They gather together and mighty morphin into their abominable anthro forms and shoot the magic into the locket being held by 'honestly the bun is cute on her' Twilight.

                                            >"There, without the excess Equestrian magic the spell matrix is already beginning to fall apart!"

                                            >"Ugh my head."

                                            >Oh good, random boy is fine.


                                            >You walk over to catch Harsh as she falls no longer being supported by the stone prison.

                                            You ok Har- *ahem* Ms. Harshwhinny?

                                            >Her breath is fast, it is obvious that she didn't think she would make it out of there.

                                            >Her face was still the same stern expression as it always was.

                                            >"Mr. Anonymous."

                                            Hmm?

                                            >"I'm going to need to clock out before I answer that."

                                            Yes, ma'am.


                                            >She stands up and brushes herself off before looking around and seeing only the gathered elements and villains, she turned her gaze to you.

                                            >"You failed to evacuate everyone, but all that remain are safe. Satisfactory."

                                            I just did what they pay me to do.

                                            >You turn to see the girls heading out, hauling the chastised and injured sirens with them.

                                            >You and Harsh follow behind them where everyone outside was gathered around the doors all waiting for some random magical bullshit to occur.


                                            >They start to cheer when they see how sad and beat up the sirens look, and go nuts when you and Harsh exit the gym.


                                            >Never thought you'd be so celebrated for calling a bunch of people retards.

                                            >Fucking retards.

                                            >"*Ahem* Faculty and staff, there is quite a mess in there that requires your immediate attention. Children disperse, the dance is clearly over."

                                            >Applause died as quickly as it came, replaced by a collective of 'awwww's.

                                            Hehe

                                            >She glances to you for a second.

                                            >"And all children requiring a ride to their home please go to the bus stop," oh god fucking dammit, "where Mr....Sandwich will drive you safely home."

                                            >Holy shit.

                                            >Did Harsh just....cut you some slack.

                                            >Your dreams are all coming true in one magical evening.


                                            >As all the people walk to do their duties, Vice Principal Luna approaches you.

                                            >"As unorthodox as it was, you made sure everyone came out of that safely. I'll talk to Celestia and maybe we can convince the superintendent to give you a bit of a pay raise."

                                            Thank you, Vice Principal Luna.

                                            >You know it won't matter after tonight, but you're still on the clock.

                                            >Once the crowd is dispersed a little, you walk over to the statue, and test to see if the portal is open.

                                            >Your finger passes through what appears to be rock and you explode with joy.

                                            >Metaphorically, you aren't there yet.

                                            >"Mr. Anonymous what are you doing over here."

                                            >Big bad taken care of last time portal is open and it is finally letting you pass through.


                                            >Not as if you never tried.

                                            >This is just the first time that you haven't come out of it looking weird/injured.

                                            >You blame desperation for thinking that you had to run at it Harry Potter style.

                                            Harsh, check it out.

                                            >You slip your in and out of the portal.

                                            >"What the f-,"she drops down to a whisper, "what is going on Anon? What is this"

                                            We can finally get out of here!

                                            >"You don't even know where that leads."

                                            Harsh I know exactly where it leads.


                                            >"What are you doing near the portal?!", Twilight screams.

                                            Duh, going through it.


                                            >"WHAT?!"

                                            Yep, finally. Took forever, but it'll be worth it.

                                            >"What are you intentions for Equestria?"

                                            >Wow Sunset is riled up.

                                            You know, the simple life, make some friends, explore a little. To be honest I was aiming for Equestria when I wound up here.


                                            >"I knew it, nobody uses such foul language or violent means around here."

                                            Well not around children. Jesus Rarara, thought you at least had a good head on your shoulders.

                                            >"Well we aren't gonna let you harm none of my friends or their home."


                                            Where did I even infer that Applejack? Stop implying.

                                            >"So why do you want to go? And don't give us that 'simple life' crock. You have that."

                                            Rainbow, calm down. I'm not some huge magical beast, threatening to turn anyone to stone or suck out their magic.

                                            >"You're just someone who magically popped up and wants to magically pop out."

                                            Harsh, come on. I'm seriously not trying to-

                                            >"Leave m- everyone, it certainly sounds like it."

                                            >You caught that, and you are ready for it.

                                            >You place a hand on her shoulder, and smile.

                                            Come with me.

                                            >"Anon, what are you talking about? I can't just up and leave."

                                            Why not, this place is hell, and you're the only one smart enough to see it, Harsh.

                                            >She looks around bashfully, for probably the first time in her life.

                                            >You both were being highly unprofessional.

                                            I take that back, this place is worse than hell, it is literally purgatory.

                                            >"Anony-"

                                            "Harsh, how long have I worked here with you?"

                                            >You grip both of her shoulders desperate that she will be able to understand.

                                            >"Just over, five years Anon, but I don-"

                                            And tell me, in all those long years that we've worked side by side. Doing our jobs professionally to the utmost, and laughing together off the clock. In all those years," you turn her to face the girls, "have ANY of them graduated?"

                                            >Her face drops the professional veneer she maintained so thoroughly.

                                            >She turns to study all the girls

                                            >She recognized every name, of every student

                                            >Hundreds of names and faces

                                            >She knew every one


                                            >The girls looked shocked too, one by one putting up hands to mouths, or holding their heads.

                                            >Sunset looked thoughtful for a second before the realization finally hit her.

                                            >"....when I came here it was right after Celestia accepted you as her student. You were just a filly Twilight."

                                            >The poor girl sank to the ground, finally taking stock of the years spent in some dramatic stasis.

                                            >But you can't worry about them.

                                            >Twilight was already going back to Equestria.

                                            >You just had to make sure your other friend was coming.

                                            >You ease the grip on her shoulders and grab hold of her hands.

                                            I know this is a lot to take in, and I know that you want to go a little nuts right now. I did when I first realized it too, but I was better off since this wasn't home for me.

                                            >"17 years."

                                            Wha-

                                            >"I've worked here for seventeen years. I remember coming here fresh faced from, Crystal University."

                                            >She sinks down to the ground, you go with her and gently grab her cheeks and bring your heads together.

                                            Harsh, try to stay with me for this, but when was the last time you visited the old campus?

                                            >She looks up from her denial, your noses now touching.

                                            Went out of state, or country for vacation?

                                            When have you last heard news of happenings outside of this nation.

                                            Better still, what is the name of this country?


                                            >Tears are leaking from her blue eyes, as she internally questions how real her whole life was.


                                            The first, the FIRST thing I did after trying to use the portal, when I arrived here was walk as far as I could.

                                            >She sniffs and wipes the tears

                                            I walked from Canterlot High, to the Diamond housing projects, to the historic district, to the Vill suburbs, to the Apple family orchard, and then all the way to Empire Heights.

                                            >She looked at you with rapt attention, sniffing occasionally.

                                            When I tried to go further, I found there there is no exit from Empire Heights, or the projects, or the Vill, or the Historic district. Every road ends within each branch of Canterlot.


                                            So I left the roads. I walked through the fields alongside the road and I came up to the forest.

                                            I couldn't see that far in, despite it being early afternoon after a couple rows of trees the forest goes pitch black.

                                            >She looks thoughtful for a moment before pulling back in realization.

                                            >"I-I've never went into the forest outside of the small camping area for field trips.

                                            Good.

                                            >She searched your face and realized what she saw etched onto it.

                                            >You give words to your expression.

                                            Abject horror. That is what I felt looking into the pitch blackness that was beyond the scope of this world.

                                            >She started shaking, and you don't hesitate to hug her to try to soothe what you've upset.

                                            I wouldn't have lasted half as long as I did without you, so please. Come with me.

                                            >She gives her assent in the form of squeezing in the hug.


                                            >You release the hug and get up slowly, still holding on to each others' arms as if one would fall into nothingness without the other.

                                            >"Anon," she quietly says, "what can we do about them."

                                            >She gestures to the shocked, confused, and slowly growing insane audience.

                                            >The involuntary audience of random kids and some staff all mutter to themselves or clasp their heads in disbelief, trying to will the truth away.

                                            >They'll either be fine tomorrow, or you may have just ruined a couple dozen lives.

                                            >They weren't your friends, but you knew them all.


                                            >Some were even kids who rode on your bus, or vendors to the shops you frequented.

                                            >Some still were co-workers, that you've known just as long as Harshwhinny.

                                            >You knew exactly what you're supposed to do in this situation.

                                            >Assert calm, make up some bullshit about how you are writing a play for theater week coming up, and act like everything is fine.

                                            >You release your grip on Ms. Harshwhinny, to straighten up your tie.

                                            >You give her a firm look for a moment before it melts into a smile.

                                            Fuck 'em. We're off the clock.


                                            >You grab her hand firmly and walk through together.


                                            >What you thought would be a trip like stepping through a doorway, or sliding down a tube slide ended up being an ordeal.

                                            >You felt your body being stretched beyond reason and funnel down to a single point.

                                            >It wasn't as painful as it should've been, but it was extremely tiring.

                                            >Still, even when it was hard to feel your limbs you made sure you had a firm grip on Harshwhinny.

                                            >If she couldn't go because she was a native of that fucking place then you would've stayed no hesitation.

                                            >"Anon, can we never do that again. I feel as though my mind was stretched into licorice.

                                            I'm with you on that Harsh, my vision is still blurry and my everything aches.

                                            >You sit on your ass and stretch, back popping like bubble-wrap as you do.


                                            >Muscles feeling much better you blink a few time to adjust your vision, to the brightness of a well lit castle made out of highly reflective crystal.

                                            >After cutting through the fog of blindness, you take stock of your surroundings.


                                            >Crystal walls, crystal furniture, even crystal floor.

                                            >You turn to Harsh and see everything in place.

                                            >Same blonde hair, same blue eyes, same adorable purple suit.

                                            >But then you see that she is now a little pony.

                                            >Makes sense since Twi-


                                            >Oh fuck wait.

                                            >You look down to- yep, stylish as fuck suit, and green hooves where your hands would be.

                                            >You check your back, no wings, then brush your hoof over your head.

                                            >And that's a horn.

                                            >Well at least you're master race.


                                            >You walk over to Harsh, and wait for her to get her bearings. Glad that instincts are instincts and you don't have to fucking learn to walk again.

                                            You feeling alright now.

                                            >"Much betterrrraaAAAAA UNICORN!"

                                            You should check a mirror yourself.

                                            >"A-Anon is that- how are you so ok with this."


                                            I half expected it, besides I learned to be professional from the best.

                                            >You help her up.

                                            Besides you're here.

                                            >You walk up close to her, sides touching.

                                            And there's no one I'd rather be with.

                                            >You turn and give her a kiss, on her cheek.

                                            Now lets find a bar.

                                            I really need to tell you about my fuckin day.