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A Thin Line Between Love and Mates

By PoppedAnon
Created: 2023-09-05 19:02:13
Expiry: Never
anontwilight sparklerarity/rgre/

  1. T-that sounds wonderful, darling.
  2. >You are Rarity
  3. >”So how about seven, I can pick you up here after I clean up a bit.”
  4. >And you’re sure you’ve just made the biggest mistake of your life
  5. “That doesn’t leave a lot of time for reservations,” trailing off at the end like you were Fluttershy
  6. >You really wish you had a single idea on what you were doing
  7. >”No worries, I’ve taken care of the reservations all you have to do is continue to be beautiful.”
  8. >That sure smile on his face.
  9. >Those gentle words
  10. I-I’ll see you there, Anonymous.
  11. >That’s why you’re in this situation.
  12. >He turns and walks out and as the door closes are almost sure you heard a ‘woo-hoo’.
  13. >But then again, that could be one of the myriad voices screaming in your head right now.
  14. >Then again the two loudest are “WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?” and “I CAN’T BELIEVE IT IS FINALLY HAPPENING!”
  15. >You maintain your poise as you close down your boutique, gently levitating every dress and suit out of the showroom to keep them from suffering sun damage.
  16. >With everything put away you exit and turn your open sign to “out to lunch” and trot down the cobblestone street to Twilight’s castle.
  17.  
  18. >It is difficult keeping your measured pace when you want to run screaming to your destination.
  19. >Upon reaching Twilight’s home you forgo knocking and just walk in.
  20. >As soon as the door closes you call your friend.
  21. TWILIIIIGHT!
  22. >In a burst of magenta she appears.
  23. >”Who is th- Rarity? What’s wrong? Something from Tartarus again? Are the changelings back? Map called you for something else? No her cutie mark would be glowing then.”
  24. Its worse than all of that!
  25. >”What could possibly be worst than some Tartaran monster teaming up with the changelings to steal our cutie marks?”
  26. I have a date with Anonymous.
  27.  
  28.  
  29. >Her face is unreadable for a second before she turns her head and lights her horn.
  30. >In another instant Spike is standing right in front of you carrying an ice-cream sundae covered in sapphires.
  31. >Walking right into the wall he was teleported nearby.
  32. >A dazed moment looking around and another to silently mourn his lost treat he turns to the only pony capable of teleportation in all of Ponyville.
  33. >”What the hay, Twilight?”
  34. >”Spike, I need you to get me half a dozen cupcakes from Sugarcube Corner, lavender flavor.”
  35. >A small number of bits appeared as Twilight spoke.
  36. >The drake stomps his foot and huffs.
  37. >”Come on! It is my day off, Twilight, and you made me drop my sundae.”
  38. >”Do it and I’ll extend your day off to a three day weekend.”
  39. >”DEAL! No take backs!,” the dragon says quickly snatching the summoned bits smiling like he sold her a used chariot.
  40. >As he turned to exit he saw you, and as usual he started breathing heavily and drooling a little bit.
  41. >Gross.
  42. >Flattering, but gross.
  43. Hurry along, Spikey, Twilight and I have some things we must discuss mare to mare. You understand, I hope.
  44. >He wiped the drool off of his face, and where it now slowly dripped off his arm.
  45. >HOW CAN A COLT BE THIS GROSS?
  46. >You smile and pat his fin, and use your magic to scoot the enamored boy out the door, closing it behind him.
  47. >”Ok, it will take him about one and a half minutes to shake off his day-dream, ten to make it to SCC, one point two five to remember the order, ten more to eat the emerald muffin he is going to buy with the extra I’ve ‘accidentally’ given him and ten more to make it back. Adding adding a 2-15 minute Pinkie variance we have between thirty-four and forty-nine minutes. Dish”
  48.  
  49. >You explain what happened to her as you walked to the reading room/ library, which was more or less converted into a mare cave when Rainbow took over the decorating.
  50. >You explained about how, like a good number of mares in Ponyville, you were attracted to Anonymous.
  51. >Unlike those same mares it went beyond his breeder’s physique.
  52. >Not to discount it of course.
  53. >Unf
  54. >But because of his constant need for clothing he decided to work for you.
  55. >He couldn’t sew a cat’s cradle, or knew the difference between a gala dress and a ballroom dress.
  56. >Odd for colts, but they usually don’t venture far beyond their cutie mark anyway.
  57. >However his coltish eye for city fashion trends was phenomenal
  58. >The suits he came up with are such a smash with Manehattinites, that you opened up another Carousel Boutique, with Coco in charge of course.
  59. >And the bipedal styles you two came up with experimenting along with his input has made you the #1 designer in Minos.
  60. >But despite all of that success he still would help with moving bolts of cloth, and recently, the odd dexterous massage.
  61. >”Rarity,” Twilight interrupted, “you’re getting off topic.”
  62. No dear I’m merely avoiding the topic.
  63. >”Why? In fact, why are you even here, I know Anon is quite the colt and all but what do you want with me?”
  64. I am in need of your…expertise.
  65. >”On what? Do you need me to help you with magic? I’d be glad to, honestly I always wish you’d come to me for help. You have a surprising amount of magic to only know three spells.”
  66. >This was going to be hard.
  67. No your expertise with……..colts.
  68.  
  69. >”I’m sorry what?”
  70. >You sigh, ready to take your lumps and burns.
  71. I need your help dating.
  72. >Her expression went from concerned to deadpan in an instant.
  73. >”Mare, are you bucking with me?”
  74. No, I am not.
  75. >”Sis, come on. You’ve been under more colts than anypony in town.”
  76. No, I have not.
  77. >”You and Mac?”
  78. >You cringe, knowing exactly what is coming.
  79. Had nothing to talk about outside of his sisters, awkward, stilted, and monosyllabic outside of that.
  80. >”Thunderlane?”
  81. Already herded with Flitter, Cloudchaser, and Blossomforth. No interest in a unicorn.
  82. >”Noteworthy?”
  83. Monoamorous and with Carrot Top.
  84. >”Fancy Pants?”
  85. Fleur is a mono.
  86. >”Braeburn?”
  87. Buffalo fetish.
  88. >”Trenderhoof?”
  89. Earth fetish.
  90. >”Bulk Biceps?”
  91. Was Snowflake before the operation.
  92. >”Time Turner?”
  93. Already herded with Minuette, Ditzy, and Amethyst. Also never talked to outside of sweater and fez repairs.
  94. >”Diamond Dust?”
  95. I made him up.
  96. >”Jet Stream?”
  97. Also made up.
  98. >”Flash Sentry?”
  99. I don’t know who that is.
  100. >”Poindexter?”
  101. >It is your turn to wear a deadpan look.
  102. I have self respect, Twilight.
  103.  
  104. >She groans and drags her hoof down her face.
  105. >”So, why do you need MY help, why not go to Rainbow or AJ?
  106. You mean besides the fact that I’m not exactly the mareliest mare in Ponyville, that those two are in a constant competition on which is the mareliest mare in Ponyville, or the fact that if those, I can’t think of any word other than cunt so, CUNTS would never let me live down the fact that I’m a virgin at age 27?
  107. >”….yes?”
  108. Neither of them have any experience in relationships.
  109. >”Well, I guess that’s true.”
  110. Exactly! You on the other hand have maintained a long distance relationship with that colt you met in the Crystal Empire.
  111. >She flinches and her eyes dart left and right.
  112. >I understand, if I couldn’t see my stallion for most of the year I’d feel weird talking about him too.
  113. That’s what I want Twilight, I don’t just want to just ‘give him the V’ as Rainbow and Applejack would instruct me to do.
  114. And after a long series of first dates that never turn into second, I know I must be doing something wrong.
  115. >”I uh...”
  116. Worst of all, for some reason after the first date those colts won’t even talk to me anymore!
  117. >”Aww, Rarity.”
  118. >She wraps you up in a nice warm hug.
  119. >N-no lesbo.
  120.  
  121.  
  122. So, even if I am unable to woo Anonymous I still want his friendship.
  123. >”Alright then,” Twilight summons a quill, ink, and scroll, “I know your parents are in a monoamorous relationship, are you a mono yourself?”
  124. >What does that have to do with anything?
  125. >Your face belies your confusion.
  126. >”I need to know how many angles we can approach this from, say, if things don’t work out with you and Anon, would you be ok not being the alpha mare?
  127. Well firstly, just because my mother and father are in a monoamorous relationship now doesn’t mean that is their, or my, preference. To keep a long, quite personal, story short. No.
  128. Besides, while some mares have made their interest known Anonymous hasn’t been actively pursued to my knowledge. So it is a non-issue.
  129. >She scribbles some notes down, face pursed in concentration, before looking back up, smiling.
  130. >”So what are your plans with Anon?”
  131. I...don’t really have any, he asked me. All I know is that I have five hours before I’m to meet him at my boutique in formal attire.
  132. >She leans back in shock, quill writing away independent of her.
  133. >”He, the colt, ASKED you?”
  134. >For a second you think you can see Twilight’s eye twitch.
  135. >Well her castle is a tree, maybe crystal pollen or some such?
  136. I know, believe me, I KNOW but I was so shocked that showed any kind of interest that I just said yes.
  137. >”And ‘formal attire’, looks like Anon expects to be wined and dined.”
  138. Well that goes without saying, Twilight, I’ve always ‘wined and dined’ my dates.
  139. >”Well stop.”
  140. What? I may not know a lot about colts, but I do know that you treat them like a prince.
  141. >”Except that never worked, for you.”
  142. >Twilight’s tone was a little to snarky for your tastes, but her words rang true.
  143. >You went to the most expensive restaurants, and purchased the most expensive food and spirits.
  144. >It never hurt financially, but it never helped romantically.
  145.  
  146. >”That is an apprentice’s mistake, thinking that you can buy your way under a colt.”
  147. >”Colts have cutie marks just like you and I, they can pay for their own food.”
  148. >”In fact some may even want to pay for you, to show you that they’re more than just a sheath.
  149. Twilight, that doesn’t sound ve-
  150. >”That is lesson zero Rarity, to show that you respect the colt enough to know that they have occupations too. And since Anon asked you out, he should pay.”
  151. >It makes sense from a friend’s perspective.
  152. >But a colt.
  153. >Paying for YOUR meal?
  154. >Ponies would think that you’re some sort of sleaze.
  155. >A herd wrecker.
  156. >But doing it your way yielded no results.
  157. Alright Twilight, I’ll try things your way, it goes against everything my father told me about stallions but I’ll do it.
  158. >You leave the castle, just in time to see Spike rush up the stairs licking green dust off his claws.
  159. >You canter through town with purpose in your steps, you are going to look better than you ever have before.
  160.  
  161.  
  162.  
  163. >You are Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship.
  164. >And you’ve been a bad friend.
  165. >You’ve purposely given Rarity the worst advice you could’ve given somepony going on a date.
  166. >Especially a first date.
  167. >To see her come to you and confess that she was a virgin and that she had never been on a second date hurt.
  168. >Because in the moment that she put that kind of trust in you, you were reminded of all the times you went behind her back to warn her prospective coltfriends that she was a bit of a player.
  169. >You wouldn’t have done that if you knew that she genuinely wanted those colts!
  170. >You wanted to keep her from taking advantage of them, not deny them, and her true love!
  171. >You wanted to tell her that she was doing the right thing all along.
  172. >You desperately wanted to tell her that would be the way to win Anonymous’ heart.
  173. >You couldn’t this time because of who you are.
  174. >You are Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship.
  175. >Member of the Royal Herd
  176. >A herd that you must leave thanks to your brother.
  177. >And there has never been a royal herd where a princess wasn’t the alpha.
  178.  
  179.  
  180. >You are Anonymous.
  181. >And you are strutting like John Travolta on a Saturday night!
  182. >Why wouldn’t you?
  183. >You just finally let your balls drop and asked out the hottest chick in town.
  184. >And she said yes!
  185. >If you had to reschedule that reservation again you’d cry like the bitch you previously were.
  186. >Or more likely masturbate in silence before feeling sorry for yourself until you fall asleep, with the scent of reeking ejaculate polluting the air.
  187. >BUT THAT ISN’T THE CASE
  188. >Because Rarity said yes!
  189. >So you strut like the big dick motherfucker your dad always knew you could be.
  190. >”Well you can tell by the way I use my walk I’m a stallion’s mare: no time to talk.”
  191. >”Music loud and stallions warm, I’m been kicked around since I was born”
  192. >Fuck yeah!
  193. >Wait what?
  194. >”And now it’s alright. It’s ok and you may look the other way.”
  195. >That’s better.
  196. >You rock a bit to the tune as you strut.
  197. >”We can try to understand the Foal Free Press’ effect on mare”
  198. Seriously, what?
  199. >”Whether you’re a sister or whether you’re a mister, yo-...why’d you stop Nonny?”
  200. >You turn to see Pinkie wearing her favorite smile, and a bass guitar.
  201. Pinkie, what are you doing?
  202. >”Well I saw you strutting around like Fawn Trotvolta on a Saturday night with a temperature of 110, and I felt in my heart that you need some musical assistance and since you can’t seem to start up a harmonious song I thought I’d help with my base!
  203. >Pinkie then plays a riff that should be impossible with her lack of digits.
  204. >You desperately want to ask, but Twilight always told you not to.
  205. >But you’re a rebel, and she’s not around
  206. Why sing though?
  207. >”Why didn’t you?”
  208. >Fair point.
  209. >But you’d never acknowledge that
  210. Your song was different.
  211. >She grins smugly
  212. >”Not so different that you didn’t have some extra butt in your strut.”
  213. Shows what you know, I’ve got “butt in my strut” because I’ve got a date tonight!
  214. >There are a few gasps, and maybe some weeping in the distance
  215.  
  216. >”Wowie Nonny, that’s fantastic!”
  217. >The little pink mare rears up and elbows you in the ribs lightly
  218. >”So whooooose the lucky mare?”
  219. >You grin proudly
  220. >Because you were fucking proud
  221. Your friend Rarity.
  222. >There were groans around you, they probably couldn’t believe it either
  223. >You hear a “THAT DYKE?” in the distance, but ignore it. There were a ton of gay mares in Ponyville, like really mannish types, shouldn’t eavesdrop though.
  224. >That’s rude
  225. >”That’s great Nonny! Where is she taking you?” Pinkie asks bouncing in place.
  226. We’re going to château d'avoine, so I have to head home and-
  227. >You’re interrupted by a pair of incredibly soft hooves grabbing your head on both sides
  228. >”We’ve got to make sure you’re looking your best then, Nonny.”
  229. >Then what occurred next can only be described as an experience.
  230. >The world around you becomes pink and filled with the scent of fresh baked goods and balloons.
  231. >The wind blows against you, you hear it, and see it cause your clothes to flap. But you don’t feel it at all.
  232. >The only air you feel is Pinkie’s breath as she giggles inches from your face.
  233. >In an instant is is over.
  234. >You’re at your house and your key is already in the lock.
  235. >You look at Pinkie, eyes wide.
  236.  
  237.  
  238. >”What? You told everypony that they’re not allowed in your house unless they ask or I’m throwing a surprise party for you and save you a plate of cookies baked with those little chocolate peanutbutter cups in them from Bon Bon’s, because her’s is closer to your friend Reese’s candy than anypony else’s and if she’s in town have Rarity’s mom bake the cookies because she is a cookie goddess but she won’t share the recipe because it is a secret family recipe and she doesn’t want the Cakes to take it and corner the market of sweet treats in Ponyville. I told her she has nothing to worry about, but even though we are totally baking buds a mare has her secrets and she said she’ll pass them down to Rarity when she’s less worried about fashion or Sweetie when she is able to make cereal without it burning somehow. She’s a really nice filly and I’d love to give her lessons but the Cakes said she isn’t allowed within fifty hooves of their ingredients, that made Sweetie sad but she told me that you pat her head and tried you bestest to give her lessons, that’s super duper nice of you, maybe that’s why Rarity gets all blinky winky when we talk about you in the castle.”
  239. >…
  240. >”Wowie, that was the first time anypony let me finish an explanation.”
  241. >She looked up at you, mirroring your awe at the completely unexplained warp.
  242. >”After you and Rarity hook up, can we visit my home town and see the Choosing Stone?”
  243. >Her puffy tail is wagging like she didn’t just do what she did.
  244. >You don’t want to be a rebel anymore.
  245. >You turn the key to your house.
  246. Sure Pinkie, I’d love to, we can even meet those sisters of yours that you talked about.
  247. >”Yay!”
  248. >You walk into the house
  249.  
  250. >It’s a little bit messy, and a little bit small, but it is what you bought with your own money by your own labor.
  251. >And despite the happening that you won’t question, you’re still in a great mood so you decide to straighten up before you shower.
  252. >Pinkie sits in your couch and tunes her bass, looking surprisingly serious as she tests different notes.
  253. >For a while all is quiet, and somewhat serene with you going around the home throwing away trash and washing the couple dishes left on your way out in the morning.
  254. >Pinkie’s odd notes and gentle humming adds to it.
  255. >Though, the earlier “happening” really rattled you associating Pinkie with serenity is still the most jarring thing you’ve done today.
  256. >Luckily it didn’t last long.
  257. >”Floppy ears, wiggly hooves, itchy flank! Sorry Nonny, I have to go stall somepony at Sugar Cube Corner for two to fifteen minutes. I’ll be back then.”
  258. Cooool… See you then Pinkie.
  259. >You wave goodbye as the pink pony bounced out playing a tune, using one hoof to strum and working the fret with her teeth.
  260. >You stifle a laugh and get back to work.
  261. >You don’t expect Rarity to be the type of girl to go to a guy’s house on the first date, but when she eventually does you don’t want to have to apologize for a mess.
  262. >Since you weren’t a total slob it only took a few minutes to make your living room presentable.
  263. I’ll do upstairs later, I need to clean up.
  264. >You head upstairs to your shower and make sure to be completely thorough.
  265.  
  266.  
  267. >You even use the loofahs, shampoos, and conditioners that the local guys gave you at your welcome to Ponyville party.
  268. >You’ve never used more than a bar of soap and whatever shampoo you could afford, but you wanted to go all out tonight.
  269. >By the time you’re done your skin feels weirdly soft, and every bit of your body hair has a sheen to it.
  270. >Stepping out and wiping the condensation from your mirror you can see that your hair is so fucking shiny that it is hard to look at directly.
  271. >You get to work combing your hair, surprised at how it seems to stay in place but never becomes stiff.
  272. Shit, and here I thought this was half a prank gift. I’ll have to thank those guys, later.
  273. >After combing your hair into the best suiting style, you take care of your teeth and facial hair with the same degree of care and precision.
  274. >By the time you’re done the condensation has completely cleared from the mirror, and you look like a new man.
  275. >Wearing only a towel made for a pony, you walk to your bedroom flexing only a little bit.
  276. >When you open the door to your room you’re greeted with the sight of Pinkie taking your suit from a steam press properly creased, before looking at you and waving.
  277. >”Hi Nonny, I’m back. Spike was who I had to stall, I sure hope Twilight was able to say everything she needed to. She usually sends Spike down to SCC when she has to have some relief, but I don’t judge everyony needs some time to clam bam. Don’t look at me like that, you totally tell worse jokes, that are always funnier. Anyway I thought I’d make sure your suit was perfect for your date!”
  278. >Huh.
  279.  
  280.  
  281. Thanks Pinkie, but...how do you know about properly pressing suits.
  282. >”It’s my special talent silly”
  283. >To emphasize her point she raises her flanks and points to the three baloons.
  284. >You allow your silence to be your follow up question.
  285. >”Well all a date is, is a romantic party for two ponies. And while I don’t usually throw romantic parties I still know how to, because love makes ponies smile just as much as fun!”
  286. >She pulls a cupcake from her mane, and holds the small thing in two hooves like it was made of glass.
  287. >”Sure the smiles aren’t as big and wide, but like little cupcakes they’re still special and made with care.”
  288. >With familiar speed, and unusual finesse Pinkie leaps into the air and shoves the cupcake into your mouth.
  289. >You have half a second to wonder why a hoof flying into your face at ludicrous speed doesn’t shatter your teeth before it hits your tongue.
  290. >Euphoria
  291. >It is soft, moist, and not overly sweet.
  292. >Compared to most of Pinkie’s fare, which is best described as a monster made of diabetes shoving its tongue down your throat, this was a sugar-dusted fairy giving you a chaste kiss on the cheek.
  293.  
  294. Whoa
  295. >”Hay yeah.”
  296. >You stare at the squinting mare for a minute before you were able to speak again.
  297. Alright, I believe you know what you’re doing. Now could you step out for a second so I can change?
  298. >”Ok, Nonny! I can’t wait to see you in your super handsome suit!”
  299. >Surprising you again she hops out of your room without drawing attention to the fact that nobody has seen you this close to naked before.
  300. >Shrugging, you discard the too small rag and get dressed.
  301. >A short time later you’re walking downstairs looking like a million bucks.
  302. >”Golly you look like a millions fancy bucks trying to dress up all nice for a hot date with their special somedeer.”
  303. Exactly what I was going for, except for the deer part.
  304. >It’s still hard to believe this is happening
  305. >That you haven’t fucked this up somehow.
  306. Hey, Pinkie, can I have some advice?
  307. >”About what Nonny?”
  308. >Cute head tilt
  309. Well you know Rarity better than I do, for God’s sake you know her so well that you become part of a superweapon based on your relationship. Just…
  310. >Come on, man up and be vulnerable
  311. I like Rarity a lot, and I don’t want to mess this date up. But I don’t know a ton about ponies or pony dating.
  312. So anything you can tell me to help this go right would be really appreciated.
  313. >There we go, balls on the table.
  314.  
  315.  
  316. >The pinkest mare possible crosses her hooves and closes her eyes, deep in thought.
  317. >She rocks her head back and forth, taps on it with a hoof, and occasionally hums.
  318. >After about two minutes, she nods and opens her eyes.
  319. >You smile in anticipation
  320. Anything?
  321. >She smiles wide and licks her lips
  322. >”It’s simply Nonny, just be yourself.”
  323. >Your smile died screaming.
  324. >There was no irony in the statement, no sarcasm, malice, or joking giggles.
  325. >Pinkie was one of your first friends here, and one of the best everywhere.
  326. >And that goodwill was why you didn’t immediately strangle her.
  327. >So you swallow the fury of nine thousand robots, place a hand on her wither and calmly speak.
  328. Pinkie, please give me something I can actually use.
  329. >She looks at you with her same bright smile.
  330. >”Nonny, Rarity is going with this dinner because You asked her. Not any made up stallion that I could tell you to act like. You’re who she likes, you’re who she wants to have dinner with. Besides you managed to get a date with a nice pony you really really like, so your judgments can’t be that bad. You’re a good stallion, Nonny. You’re a much better stallion than you give yourself credit for. Otherwise Rarity wouldn’t be going on this date with you, and I wouldn’t be your friend”
  331. >Your heart wrenched
  332. >Your eyes stung
  333. >Immediately recognizing the symptoms you turn away clear your throat and hit you heart a couple times.
  334. >You aren’t a pussy that cries too much
  335. >Fuck you, dad.
  336. T-thank you, Pinkie.
  337. >”Do what you think you should, and Rarity will like it. Because she likes you.”
  338. >You wouldn’t believe any other person, but your heart demands you trust this pony.
  339. >So you shove your doubt and self-pity into a hole spritz on some cologne and set out.
  340. >The sun is long gone, but the moon and stars are so bright that you have no trouble seeing your way.
  341.  
  342.  
  343. >You are Pinkamina Dianne Pie
  344. >Aka Pinkie Pie, aka Pinkie, aka Ponka, aka Pinkest of Ponks, aka the best friend, aka the holder of the pinkest pony award twelve years running since Cadenza ascended and had those silly non-pink colors added to her mane.
  345. >And you are proud of all your earned titles, even if Anonymous made most of them up.
  346. >Mi Amore wept bitter pinkless tears.
  347. >You were bouncing through town on your way home to Sugar Cube Corner after turning off Nonny’s lights and locking his door, and pinkpocketing his keys into his suit.
  348. >You felt so happy being able to calm down your favorite human in Equestria, and put a real smile on his face.
  349. >He thinks you can’t see the difference, or that he has a stone cold poker face.
  350. >He, like nopony else, knows that you let them win two games out of six so they keep playing.
  351. >Secret party pony technique.
  352. >The bells ring signaling your entrance
  353. Hi Mr & Mrs. & Pumpkin & Pound Cake! I’m baaack!
  354. >You wave to them, and the foals charge you.
  355. >Their foal like joy only heightens your own
  356. >And seals their fate
  357. >You catch both of them and blow raspberries in one tummy while you tickle the other.
  358. Why are you two up so late, don’t you have school in the morning?
  359. >That gets a laugh out of the parents.
  360. >You know full well infants can’t go to school.
  361. >That’s premium joke by misdirection of expectations.
  362. >Every laugh down to the giggle is calculated
  363. >Smiles are serious business.
  364. >And business is booming
  365. >After some play and silliness you retire to your room.
  366. >Gummy latches onto your mane as you bounce into your smile sanctum
  367. >You update Nonny’s file to take into account that he sometimes needs a boost of confidence, and that the small sweet cake was a resounding success.
  368. Needs a better name. Hmm...I’ll workshop it after the date.
  369.  
  370.  
  371. >On that note you add a pewter heart sticker to Nonny’s and Rarity’s files indicating their budding romance.
  372. >You also need to brainstorm a pep talk for Spike for when he finds out that his infatuation is just that.
  373. >You pull Sweetie Belle’s file and see that they have high compatibility, but need a push. Hopefully you can pull it off before Spike finds out, otherwise Sweetie’s inferiority complex will cause them to have some trouble.
  374. >Nopony wants, or deserves to feel like they’re the consolation prize.
  375. >But for the time being Anonymous and Rarity will be the bulk of your efforts, luckily he was willing to visit Nickerlite with you.
  376. Going to the Choosing Stone might be a teensy bit premature, but Anonymous’ human monogamy might give him some grief in Equestria. Plus Rarity has wanted a big herd all her life, since her parents had it so hard being monogamists.
  377. >Once the Stone shows Nonny that other mares will love him he will be more open to the idea in the future.
  378. So I’m going to need a contingency in case he chooses to remain monogamous, to hopefully open Rarity to the idea that her foals won’t suffer too much in Ponyville if she and Nonny decides on a monogamous marriage.
  379. >This is going to be some doing, especially since there are two birthdays and a cutecineria to be planned.
  380. It sure is rough being a pink pony sometimes ensuring the spread of love in Equestria, glad it’s so satisfying.
  381. HA! That’s what he said.
  382. >You hop on the slide and slide up and out of your party palace.
  383. Oh Pinkie, you crack me up.
  384.  
  385.  
  386. >You are Rarity.
  387. >And you are confused beyond belief, but just as determined
  388. >You will trust Twilight’s advice.
  389. >Despite how...unconventional some of that advice might have been.
  390. >After the frenzied experience Twilight was nice enough to teleport you back home.
  391. >You aren’t in a panic anymore, thank Celestia.
  392. >If there’s one thing you’ve long, mastered it’s making yourself ‘beautiful.’
  393. >You place your daily false eyelashes in their case and use a moist cloth to remove your makeup.
  394. >You let the water cascade off of you.
  395. >Taking the dirt from your hooves and the product from your mane
  396. >You’re as thorough as you always are, but instead of your usual Canterlot coat conditioner you lift a bottle of Marisian cleanse.
  397. >As you lather the solution into every inch of your fur you feel the magic make your fur softer and shinier than even your usual high standard.
  398. >At the same time you grab a bottle of mane and tail shampoo that Celestia gave to you while you stayed in Canterlot.
  399. >The same brand that Celestia herself uses.
  400. >You gently squeeze out two dollops and coat every individual strand of your mane and tail in the solution.
  401. >Not a drop of the shampoo touches the shower floor until it is time to rinse it out.
  402. >It is the single most magically demanding task you’ve ever done, and is somewhat responsible for some power growth.
  403. >By the time you step out of the shower you’re somewhat winded from the effort.
  404. >You wipe the condensation from the mirror and take a moment to look at yourself.
  405.  
  406.  
  407. >Even dripping wet you still see the products do their work.
  408. >Enhancing your fur’s usual sheen to nothing short of a radiance that magnified the light reflecting off of it.
  409. >Your mane, oh your mane! It didn’t flow on the currents of magic like the princesses’ but...
  410. Wahahahaha!
  411. >You couldn’t help but laugh as you turned your head from left to right, your mane shimmering like it was made from beautifully colored quicksilver.
  412. >You dry your mane but the magical shimmer remains.
  413. >Still within your magical grip you carefully shape your mane into an upward bun, showing off your gleaming mane.
  414. “No need for product tonight. Now for my,” you let a bit of laughter escape, “warpaint.”
  415. >You carefully apply your eyeshadow.
  416. >Your own personal blend, with a bit of help from Zecora, mixes Fleur’s brand of eyeshadow, diamond dust from your clothing projects, some ground root of Heart’s Desire to make the gems more luminescent and adhere after application, and a drop of oil to preserve the look of a recent application.
  417. >One clean layer to each eye and your eyes seem to sparkle like a starry night sky.
  418. >You swear that all the sparkling sounds like the twinkling of bells
  419. >Dry, brushed, styled, and very low on magic you canter to your inspiration room to pick out the dress you created just in case you and Anonymous had to make a quick trip to a conference or social.
  420.  
  421. >With practiced ease aided by your special talent you slip into the sheer star-spidersilk dress.
  422. >The material glides across your fur as though it was water
  423. “Hmm….sapphires would work with the sheen, but amethysts match my mane better, no they clash with the eye shadow maybe just some classic white diam-,” you are struck with both inspiration and motivation like twin lightning bolts to your horn”, NO! Tonight is important! Everything must go right, I have to put my best hoof forward!”
  424. >You march, resolute to your bedroom.
  425. >You open your bedside dresser and retrieve a very simple black box locked with a round slightly worn brass lock.
  426. >A spell supported almost entirely by your cutie mark opens a seam on the underside of your mattress to retrieve an equally worn brass key.
  427. >Using your hooves you unlock the box to see your grandmother’s masterpiece, the only creation she kept for herself.
  428. >A necklace made of the one gem more valuable than any other.
  429. >Both for the scarcity of the gem, the comparatively massive one, and the abundance of the gem in the piece.
  430. >With all the delicacy that you’d hold a newborn foal you put on the necklace, and adjust the precious Mother of Pearl to be perfectly center.
  431. If grandmother sold you she could’ve bought Ponyville twice over…
  432. >You think of the story she would tell you time and again, and smile
  433. I only hope your true worth is what grandmother Pearl said it is.
  434. >You light your horn to don your tiara, only to be met with a dull ache that promises more should you push yourself.
  435.  
  436. I supposes exfoliating each mane follicle individually was a bit much. I’m more powerful than I thought I’d ever be... But, you aren’t an alicorn, Rarity.
  437. >You take the tiara carefully into your mouth and move once more to your vanity.
  438. >After placing the tiara upon it’s proper place with your hooves, you pull open the drawer
  439. >Within are a series of long thin holders of different colors and a silver case.
  440. >You choose black, of course.
  441. >Opening the case you see a selection of candied cigarettes, and place one at the end of the holder where holds securely.
  442. >Using a spell of such minuscule magic that even a newborn colt could cast it fifty times if they knew how, you spark the mana-rich tip of the cigarette and inhale.
  443. >Immediately the mana crystals and sugar do their work, replenishing your magic steadily.
  444. >Gently exhaling the white wispy smoke, you already feel the ache in your horn abate.
  445. >Sparking your horn once again you are able to place both the key and case in their proper places, and finish your ensemble by putting on a pair of gloves
  446. >Not socks, mother. Perfectly marely gloves.
  447. >Putting the case, along with a few essentials in your purse you turn off all of your lights and head downstairs
  448.  
  449.  
  450. >You are Anonymous.
  451. >”Mew.”
  452. >You scratch Opalescence behind her ear and her purring resumes.
  453. >You are barely holding it together, but spoiling this cat helps.
  454. You make sure to keep those claws away from the cloth and I’ll make sure you keep getting this treatment. Deal?
  455. >You smile, as it almost looks like the small kitty is nodding.
  456. >And you are barely holding it together
  457. >Every possible thing wrong that could occur is dancing in your head, gleefully feeding on your anxiety.
  458. >”Rrrrow.” Opal thoughtfully says as she rolls over and stretches her limbs to their limit, even baring her claws a little.
  459. >You move your fingers to her chest, and continue.
  460. Don’t worry, I’ve already talked to Flutters about getting you a proper scratching post.
  461. >More purring is your only feedback.
  462. >The light in the stairwell shuts off, catching your attention.
  463. >A shadow announces her
  464. >Oh, looks like she put her hair up in a cute bu-
  465. >Rarity steps into view
  466.  
  467. >You are Penis
  468. >You have endured disgrace and abuse for years, but you will have your due.
  469. >For far too long you put up with oils lotion and the same damn coarse hand for years
  470. >NO MORE
  471. >Tonight is your night.
  472. >You will not falter, you will not give in, no matter the thoughts of sports, dead animals, or that one time you saw you aunt naked Brain tries to feed you.
  473. >What stands before you is femininity made manifest.
  474. >Women are now officially obsolete.
  475. >All the images of tits, cunts, and butts may as well be men shitting on one another for all the eroticism they could possibly conjure up now.
  476. >And she somehow, magically, made herself more beautiful, for you.
  477. >FOR YOU!
  478. >To remain flaccid would be to spit upon the notion of heterosexuality.
  479. >Upon masculinity, upon malehood, upon men.
  480. >To remain flaccid now would spit upon every penis to ever exist.
  481. >Cut, intact.
  482. >Large, small, showers, growers.
  483. >White, black, yellow, brown.
  484. >Those cursed with erectile dysfunction, and…
  485. >And those poor souls lost due to dysphoria.
  486. >So for every penis everywhere you will make your stand here!
  487. >You will stand as they would were your positions exchanged!
  488. >As you would demand they do, as they now demand you do!
  489. >For every man who cannot be lucky enough to be born in your timeline, forced to another night with a hand, YOU. WILL. STAND.
  490. >PENISES RISE UP!
  491.  
  492. >You are Anonymous, still.
  493. M-muh
  494. >SHUT YOUR MOUTH
  495. >What the fuck were you thinking?
  496. >Oh my fuck she’s beyond attractive.
  497. >And you’re going to take her to the ritziest place in Ponyville?
  498. >Ponyville?!
  499. >Oh fuck this was a mistake. You should’ve saved more and took her to Canterlot.
  500. >No dumbfuck she damn near lives in Canterlot, Manehatten would’ve been best.
  501. >I can’t believe I’ve already fucked this up so fucking much!
  502. >”Anonymous, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that you had arrived, I hoped you didn’t have to wait long.”
  503. It was worth the wait, I assure you.
  504. >She blushes, and giggles softly.
  505. >Why?
  506. >Oh fuck that was out loud.
  507. >Huh, I’m pretty smooth.
  508. >This. This could work.
  509. >”Well regardless, I am ready now, darling.”
  510. >You want to stand, but you are absolutely turgid.
  511. >”Mew!”
  512. >You look down to see Opal looking at you.
  513. >You’re sure that your time here is causing you to project human, and equine, emotions onto all animals.
  514. >Because this cat is looking at you incredibly smugly.
  515. >Which is impossible, of course.
  516. >Regardless, she starts to wiggle in you lap while maintaining eye contact.
  517. >The next instant she rolls back over and jumps off your lap.
  518. >Your brain haven given up on making your cock relent, runs concealment protocol.
  519. >You stand, leaning forward to match Rarity’s height and looking directly into her eyes.
  520. >Cock is hidden, and your eyes are now both able to ensure eye contact and act as more direct targets
  521. >Good job Brain
  522. >I agree with Penis on this. Seal the deal, man.
  523. >…
  524.  
  525. >You are Rarity once more, and you’ve arrived at château d'avoine.
  526. >You are shown to your seat by the helpful waitress.
  527. >You try to pull out the seat for Anonymous, only to see him mirroring you in pulling out a seat.
  528. >Twilight was right, and you almost blew it.
  529. >Of course he would wish to seat himself, Anonymous is very competent.
  530. >You laugh it off and take your seat.
  531. >He laughs and sits down in his seat, and you go ahead and sit in the chair you pulled out.
  532. >The waitress looks to you, and you immediately gesture to Anonymous.
  533. >”Monsieur? Your, how do you say, order?”
  534. >You bite your tongue, you knew your Prench. Both Mareisian and Quebuckois, but Twilight said that stallions prefer having a chance to stand on their own and didn’t need help.
  535.  
  536. >You’re Anonymous again, and you’re so nervous.
  537. >Both because you’re still more erect than you’ve ever been, and because you have to take charge.
  538. >You’ve practiced this a bit. You know this, you’ve got this.
  539. >Just breathe and enunciate.
  540. Merci mademoiselle, j'aurai le coq au vin. Pour la jument, le blé a touché le soleil avec un léger glaçage au miel.
  541. >Her eyes widen as she begins to write.
  542. >You glance at Rarity to see a moment of shock, and a wide smile in need of protection.
  543. >”Voulez-vous des apéritifs, monsieur?” she asks much more fluidly than her first question in English, or whatever they call it here.
  544. Deux salades niçoises. Un pégase, un non.
  545. >”Et pour boire?” she asks
  546. “Vin rouge.” you say smiling
  547. >”Bien sur monsieur” she says closing her notepad.
  548. Très bien.
  549. >Once she is gone you can’t help but sigh and release all of the pressure.
  550. >”My my my, Anonymous. I did not know that you were able to speak Prench! And the touch of honey, how did you know?”
  551. >You laugh, and come clean.
  552. I can’t speak French, er- well Prench. I just practiced ordering, what foods were and stuff like that.
  553. >The waitress give you each a glass and sets the bottle next to Rarity.
  554. Merci beaucoup
  555. >Rarity who’s eyes are shining.
  556. >Fucking nailed it.
  557.  
  558. >You are Rarity.
  559. >And once again Anonymous displays the best part of himself.
  560. >What mare, let alone stallion would be willing to learn the basics of a new language just so the staff is more comfortable.
  561. >You sip your wine, a fine selection.
  562. >Oh sweet sun, what if he did it to try and endear himself further to you?
  563. >Well, Twilight was definitely right on letting the stallion order.
  564. >I suppose I’ll have to trust her advice, then.
  565. >…
  566. >After some good food, and better conversation the check arrives.
  567. >The results of this date, and everything your father taught you are battling in your mind.
  568. >And in your hesitation Anonymous picks up the check, glances over it, counts out the bits, and hands them to the rightly dumbfounded waitress.
  569. >As you walk out you feel every eye burning into the back of your head, and hear more than a couple insults.
  570. >However, thankfully, none are directed at Anonymous.
  571. >”Rarity, thanks for coming out tonight.” you hear the man say.
  572. >You glance up to him, tiny eyes looking at the moon full of relief.
  573. >”I’ve been agonizing over this for nothing. I should’ve known that you were the type of wom- mare to give a guy like me a shot.”
  574. “A guy like-” you open and close your mouth like a stammering teen as you decide how to approach how wrong he is, “Anonymous you’re a wonderful stallion, and I’m lucky to have you in my life. To not even say as a date!”
  575. >”Thank you, Rar-”
  576. No ‘thank you Rarity’, there is nothing to thank me for. You’re a diligent worker, a creative soul, a skilled cook, an ever flowing well of patience with foals-
  577. >”Well, they’re just a bunch of cute kids. They’re gonna get into stuff”
  578. -, and no matter how difficult things get you just say a foalish swear and persevere.
  579. >”Fuck isn’t the same thing as darn-”
  580. And you have nothing bad to say about anypony, or zebra, or donkey.
  581. >”Cranky is alright, he just had a rough life.” he replies fishing his key ring with the key to the boutique out of his pocket
  582. Except yourself.
  583.  
  584. >You rear up on your hind legs, bringing yourself closer to his face.
  585. >He looks shocked, but bends and brings himself lower.
  586. >Closer.
  587. So, I will take it upon myself to keep you from fooling yourself into believing that you aren’t the beautiful soul that you are!
  588. >Now or never
  589. > Twilight’s words echo in your head, ’Stallions love brazen proclamations of love, Rarity. Oh and kissing, you should try to kiss him on the first date. It shows that you’re serious and aren’t just wasting his time. That’s why they never came back, they thought you were toying with them.’
  590. >You lean forward, turn your head and ignore the myriad voices screaming in your mind telling you otherwise.
  591. >Your lips meet his.
  592. >A quick swipe of your tongue and he opens up for you.
  593. >His small tongue strokes yours as though it was a large cat, while yours invades his mouth and takes a tour across his teeth. Small points of pain only heightening your excitement
  594. >He stumbles back, falling into the door to your home.
  595. >The bell jingles loudly, and you fear you made a mistake.
  596. >He stares at you, eyes wide and panting.
  597. >As though Princess Candenza herself had a hoof in it, your breaths match.
  598. >He swallows a gulp of your air, before panting into your deep inhale.
  599. >This lasts a moment before his hands pull you back to his face where you resume.
  600. >One hand caresses your neck while the other grabs at your cutie mark, teasing you by going no further.
  601. >He lifts his midsection and grinds into you, and you feel his need through his pants.
  602. >You wrap a hoof around his head to taste more of him, and in turn his arms clutch you to him.
  603. >The only thing seperating your bodies are your outfits
  604. >”Rarity, is that- *gasp*,” you hear one of the most familiar voices you know exclaim.
  605. >You look up to see your sister, and a crude foalish picture fall from her mouth down to the floor and her hooves rush to cover her reddening face.
  606.  
  607.  
  608. >You feel a chaste remorseful kiss to your chin.
  609. >”Ok fine! I give! Wow, you’re a really good wrestler Rare bear. I didn’t know you had it in you. Hiya Sweetie!
  610. >She isn’t moving except for her hooves quivering
  611. >”She’s not buying it, huh.”
  612. No, no she isn’t.
  613.  
  614. >You are Vagina.
  615. >And what the buck are you supposed to do with all of this soup now?

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