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/k/ommando anons hide and seek extravaganza

By LocaldurnKanon
Created: 2020-12-18 21:55:04
Updated: 2021-09-12 23:29:59
Expiry: Never
/kinder/anonymous/k/

  1. >/k/ommando anon Is excited
  2. >” for what?” (you) may ask well He’s excited for the Annual Ponyville extreme hide and seek grand championship game coming up in 3 days
  3. >anon has been excited for this moment in time ever since he’s heard of the event 4 months ago
  4. >he’s read all the rules and there is nothing that explicitly states that camouflage or pre-prepared positions being against the rules
  5. >he even asked one spergy twiggles and the venerable mayor mare about it [spoiler]to make sure he wouldn’t get sent to prison because goddamn are the poners serious about hide and seek[/spoiler]
  6. >as one could imagine our hero /k/ommando anon totally sperged the fuck out, eager to spread the ways of the /k/ommandos
  7. >/k/ommando had his eyes set on an old abandoned building at the north western edge of town
  8. >it was a large house by pony and even human standards 3,500ftsq by his guesstimate, 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a dining room, and kitchen all connected by narrow weaving hallways, the style of the house could be described best as a cape cod and raised ranch had vigorous drunken unprotected sex and the baby that was birthed came out built in wattle and daub with a fucking thatched roof
  9. >he staked it out and found it to be satisfactory for his use
  10.  
  11. >except for the ass load spiders, but he worked out a deal with them
  12. >the deal was all the bugs they could eat at his house in exchange helping to keep all but the bravest poners out of the house by dropping down at the main doorway and at strategic points around the house like cramped hallways
  13. >for any ponys brave enough to get past the spiders anon set out silly string obstacles, firecracker trip wires, bang snaps, and roman candles rigged to go off after opening a door
  14. >there wasn’t anything explicit about such measures being used
  15. >/k/ommando anon even demolished some walls and blocked other ones to create zones for the poners to get confused by and so he can have time to escape
  16. >/k/ommando anon put a hole through one of the bedrooms floor straight into the kitchen with a ladder for accesses he barricaded off the kitchen with some oak 2x4s, dry wall, and matching paint he also barricaded off said room and added a hidden door way that goes through the adjacent rooms wall so he can get in and out
  17. >inside the kitchen he has an off-brand cooler that’s going to hold some drinks primarily for himself but if he has to bail, he will probably leave them for any pony that actually makes it to the kitchen
  18.  
  19. >also, inside the kitchen is another hole in the floor with a ladder leading to the basement that anon added a secret escape tunnel to, that has a paper Mache wall cover near it to be deployed as he’s leaving
  20. >according to the rules as long as you aren’t caught you can move about a mile in any direction to a new location but you can only do it three times
  21. >it is extreme hide and seek so why would normal rules apply
  22. >if anon remembers correctly the entire hide and go seek event should be about 3 days long give or take, it really depends on how well the participants hide
  23. >the way to win the championship is to either be the last individual to be found or even better to not be found before the elapsed time is up
  24. >usually more mature ponies tend to win because they have the patience to wait, at least according to what mayor mare told anon
  25.  
  26. >it's currently night time on the third day before the hide and seek game and anon is getting some of the finishing touches on his fuhrer bunker done
  27. >mostly getting the trip wires ready to go but not having them set up “hot” no no that’ll have to be done on X day
  28. >he’s also checking to see the progress on the wall paint
  29. “alright this is good the paint is totally dry!” anon says to him self
  30. >anon admires his handiwork
  31. “doesn’t even look like there was ever a door there!” he says like a smug animu gril
  32. >admittedly he did do a good job and his work looked splendid
  33. “now it’s time to paint over these windows...”
  34. >anon grabs some buckets of black paint and ready's himself for the labor ahead
  35. >about an hour later anon is finished and is sitting down to take rest
  36. “alright that should be all I have left to do here until X day, now it's time to go check out the fake out point”
  37. >anon checks his phone while taking out his map
  38. “9:25pm thank fuck all ponies are in bed by 9”
  39. >anon sighs a contented sigh and collects all the painting shit and throws it into the basement
  40.  
  41. >anon then heads out the door heading to the fake out point
  42. >which was another abandoned house with the main difference being that is in much rougher shape and closer to town
  43. >he set up similar traps to make that house look inhabited for X day
  44. >all he really needs to do is make sure all the traps are still hot [spoiler]I mean when are they not, ha traps being hot that’s fucking gay af... n-no homo[/spoiler]
  45. >luckily for anon it's an overcast night so it's dark as fuck out and that he's wearing the uniform he got dropped innaequestria with which makes him basically invisible to the ponies provided he stands still
  46.  
  47. >he’s also thankful that he had bought NODs and had them with him
  48. >it only takes him a second to see that the traps haven’t been sprung [spoiler]l-lewd[/spoiler]
  49. “alright that’s good” he whispers
  50. >anon pulls out notepad to write a reminder to put anon dummies up in the building a day before at night
  51. >anon checks his phone again
  52. >9:40pm
  53. >anon decides to check the plan B trench tomorrow morning and heads back to his house to clean up and get some sleep he managed to get back by 10:10
  54. >the next day anon awoke to the sound of the chirping birbs
  55. >and the glow of the nice mid morning sun shining upon his face
  56. >anon is happy that the ponies have a custom of not working for a few days before and after the massive hide and seek game
  57. >pic related is when anon found out he basically gets a mandatory week off with pay because of the event
  58. >Anon decides that instead of being a plebeian and cooking his own food that he was going to hit up sugarcube corner and say hello to badonka ponka
  59. >he promptly does all his morning routine shit and prepares to leave
  60.  
  61. >ponk is cleaning an oven in the back of sugarcube corner when suddenly her snootle started to twitch, wriggle, and writhe
  62. >” oh yipppppeeeeeeeee! Nonny must be on his way over! I just NEED to have a super-duper triple cream raspberry vanilla strudel out for him! I know nonny must be dying for one since they are his favvvvvorite things to get here!”
  63. >without hesitation the hyper bakermare bounces happily to the other oven to retrieve what will be anon’s god tier breakfast
  64. >” Thank goodness I had this ready for nonny!”
  65. >poka ple proceeds to bring the strudel to the front counter for anon to pick up she also prepares him a white coffee
  66.  
  67. >anon can smell the scent of fresh pastries in the air as he gets closer to sugarcube corner
  68. “fuck that smells better than sex” he says inhaling the godly stench of pastries and bread baking
  69. >anon didn’t get much small talk today on his way to the corner
  70. >not that anon minds, but usually most ponies are very talkative, but it makes sense that they wouldn’t be too talkative
  71. >a lot of ponies were preparing for the event and a lot of them seemed to be focused on scouting out hiding places
  72. >pffft typical ponies being silly and procrastinating
  73. >anon can now see the roof of sugar cube corner
  74. >the odor of pastries is basically finger fucking his nose, it smells so good that anon junior actually attempts to have a tent pitching party but luckily for our hero it failed like the Spartacist uprising in 1919
  75. “MMMMM I smell some guuuuud shit nigga!”
  76. >ponk almost breaks her neck looking up to anon from the counter
  77. >” NONNY!!!!!” ponk says while hugging anon
  78.  
  79. >anon’s face when
  80. “hey pinko ponko how are you doing”
  81. >anon hugs her back
  82. >ponk yawns a little bit “I'm doing good can’t complain! How about you nonny?”
  83. “I’m good, I can’t wait for the big hide and seek game it’s gonna be great”
  84. >ponk perks up at the mention of the hide and seek game “oh yea it's going to be great are you going to actually join in the hiding?”
  85. “fucking hell yea! I’m still doing some preparing though but before I do that I got to eat”
  86. >”ooooooooo sounds like you came to just the right place jihadi nonny johnnie” ponk grabs the bag with her mouth and hands anon his quarry
  87. >”hee-rrr juft fer yew!” ponk looks at anon with her big ass blue heart killers
  88. >fuck ponies are so goddamn cute when their eyes shimmer
  89. “aw thanks pinkie pie, can I ask what it is?”
  90. >” yes, it’s a super-duper triple cream raspberry vanilla strudel and...”
  91. She hands anon the cup of coffee “white coffee just for you!”
  92. >holy fuck this horse knows so well
  93. “alright so what do I owe you?”
  94. >”it's on the house today nonny!”
  95. >anon give pinkie pie some ear scratches
  96. “alrighty thanks ponk imma fuck off now”
  97. >and with that anon left and began heading off to check his plain B point
  98.  
  99. >as our hero anon finishes stuffing his face like the fat fuck he is and chugging coffee like it is water, he comes to the edge of the everfree forest overlooking a small river
  100. >anon looks around to see if he could find his prepared trench from the road through the foliage and heavy underbrush
  101. >despite the fact the trench is on a slight hill it cannot be seen at all which is exactly as anon wants
  102. >he starts trailing through the brush to get to the trench to check its condition as he dug it out 2 months ago
  103. “fuck this brush is way thicker than the last time I came here!” anon says in an exacerbated tone
  104. > anon knows this will help keep pony's away along with the fact that the trench is in the everfree, so he can’t get to aggravated about the difficult trek
  105. >it takes him about 6 minutes of fighting against the brush and slope to finally reach his “defensive position”
  106. >the grass had grown in thick and lush which helped the trench look as though it was one with the landscape
  107. >anon looks up to see how dense the tree cover is and its thick enough to obscure all his trench from above
  108. >he then looks out from where he’s standing to see the view and he has a relatively clear view over the road but is completely blinded when looking over the river
  109.  
  110. >he isn’t really happy that he can’t get a good view over the river but anon doubts any pony is going to slog through that to get to his position plus the t h I c c brush
  111. >it also helps that the river he's near is deep enough to make most ponies think twice but is easily fjordable by humans and that the bank of the river is sticky clay
  112. >anon turns his attention to the trench itself
  113. >it was a small but solid trench deep enough to where anon could stand up and his head would be just barely over the top
  114. >it even had an underground section for sleeping
  115. >which anon promptly went and checked on
  116. “well it looks like the water proofing worked”
  117. >anon looks around the sleeping quarters to find it dry and mold free
  118. >and even better the cooler of dried food has been untouched
  119. >anon leaves the hobbit hole and walks down the length of the trench
  120. >he looks out again to make sure his view is good from the trench
  121. >after he is satisfied, he gets out of the trench to make his way back to town to do work on the anon dummies.
  122. >several hours later as the late midday sun give way to the wee twilight hours anon sighs
  123. “alright now that those dummies are finished, I’ll just have to get them out to the fake out point”
  124. >anon looks at the clock
  125. >6:00 pm
  126. “holy fuck I've been prepping all day”
  127. >anon stretches and yawns, he decides that he's going to go visit twilight to kill some time
  128.  
  129. >anon approaches golden oaks library as the twilight hours deepen
  130. >the light of the sunset illuminates the sky in a beautiful array of pink, blue, and orange
  131. >the days warmth gives way to the cool of the night as foals return home for dinner
  132. >anon knocks on the door of the library
  133. >” who is it?” says twilight from the other side of the door
  134. “twiggles it’s me anon may I come in?”
  135. >the door shoots open
  136. >” why of course anon come on in and make yourself comfortable”
  137. >anon of course does so and sits down on the hilariously tiny pony couch
  138. >” So, what brings you here today anon?” twilight queries
  139. “I finished doing some major prepping for the massive upcoming hide and go seek game and decided to pay you a visit to unwind”
  140. >” Oh yea I bet you're excited for the game! You know I did some research and I know the scientifically best hiding spots in all of ponyville, and not to brag or anything but I'm very confident that my first time in the Annual Ponyville extreme hide and seek grand championship game will be quite successful”
  141. >twilight puffs out her chest with confidence
  142. >oh lord this horse
  143. “yea you bet I'm excited for this game, and yea I bet you did a lot of ‘homework’ to figure that out twiggles, say could I perhaps have a drink of water?”
  144. >” ok yea I’ll have spike get it for you. ‘spike could you get anon some water please?’”
  145. >the little drake grumbles a little bit before getting up and doing as he was told
  146. >he comes in and gives anon water which nets him a head pat and anon cozies in for what should be a fairly long conversation
  147.  
  148. “hahaha that does sound like a good plan twi”
  149. >” yea I bet they’d never expect that now would they”
  150. >twilight looks at the clock and it says it’s 8:30
  151. >twilight gasps “oh my would you look at the time! It's almost bed time!”
  152. >anon looks at the clock too and then back down at the now yawning twilight
  153. “yeah I suppose it is especially for adorable purple ponies like yourself”
  154. >anon scratches twilights chin and behind her ears which nets him some giggle, blush, and involuntary leg kick from twilight
  155. >”hahaha, that tickles anon”
  156. >anon gets up from his seat free from its wrath that wreaks havoc on his back
  157. “alright twiggles imma head out now it was nice talking to you and thanks for letting me over”
  158. >”no problem anon it was great having you over today and talking with you”
  159. >and with that anon is escorted to the door and promptly leaves and goes back to his house
  160. >by the time he gets there the moon is risen in the night sky and all the ponies rest peacefully in slumber embraced by warm cuddly dreams
  161. >anon brings the dummies to the other abandoned house without incidence and returns home to be embraced by the sweet release of sleep
  162.  
  163. >It is now the day before the opening day of the extreme hide and seek championship
  164. >anon awakens as normal and proceeds to commence with his morning routine
  165. >as anon is finishing up he looks to his notebook to see what tasks for setting up his “final solution” are left to be finished
  166. “alright so the main fuhrer bunker has been poner proofed, the other abandoned house has been trapped l-lewd and the dummies are there, and the Maginot line has been checked for habitability and...”
  167. >anon trails off whilst reading his list
  168. >it seems he has most of the important stuff done he just needs to set up the traps n shiet
  169. >anon puts his notebook away only to turn around and get demolished by none other than the little blue shit head tomboy galore known as rainbow dash
  170. >the impact was hard enough to completely wind anon on top of him hitting the ground and majestically eating shit like a boss
  171. > “Hey anon what's up? I heard from a little birdie that you were competing in the hide and seek championship? Well I was in the area and thought I would let you witness my awesomeness and to tell you how hard you are going to lose.”
  172.  
  173. >the smug as she stands over anon is so fucking thick you couldn’t even cut it with a knife if you wanted to
  174. “first off I was doing fine before you tackled me holy shit why do you incessantly insist on bowling me over, I FUCKING HATE IT when you do that, second yes I am competing in the hide and seek championship, thirdly I think you are going to find that I'm going to put up a better performance than you think”
  175. >rainbow cringed a bit at anon’s harsh delivery displeasure of being tackled
  176. >rainbow dash is now a little saddened by anon’s cursing
  177. >” well jeez anon who peed in your oats this morning you big old Meanie butt face”
  178. >shit anon knows kinder ponies don’t take to well to being firmly chastised
  179. >though anon seems to forget a lot to how intolerant to swearing ponies are due to the fact that ponk curses alongside him, at least when no one is listening
  180. “Im sorry dashie I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings”
  181. >anon says this with a sense of teasing
  182. >rainbow dash blushes and tries to pull off being tsundere
  183.  
  184. >” d-don’t call me d-dashie! That's not cool!”
  185. >she looks away snootle scrunched
  186. “whatever you say... D A S H I E!”
  187. >this pisses off and fluster's blue fast even more her eyebrows furrow, her snoot is at maximum scrunch, and she’s blushing hot enough to where she could heat up and entire room herself
  188. > “I’M NOT D-DASHIE!” rainbow dash yells while pressing her snoot to anons nose “I’M RAINBOW DASH”
  189. >anon satisfied with causing rainbow dash adorable horsey distress via tsundere actions relents with a giggle after receiving bountiful retribution for the craven sin of being tacked whilst unawares
  190. “alright rainbow dash, say do you think you can get off of me and help me up”
  191. >rainbow dash after snapping back to reality notices she's still standing over anon
  192. >her wings spring up involuntarily after the realization of the semi lewd predicament she’s been in hits her
  193.  
  194. >” y-yeah, n-no problem a-anon"
  195. >the little poner helps anon back up avoiding eye contact with anon
  196. > an awkward silence permeates the air
  197. > “s-so?” rainbow dash clears her throat and inhales
  198. >”So did you make sure to sign the registry at the town hall to compete?”
  199. “what? There's a registry I have to sign!?”
  200. >the smol blue pony gives anon an eye roll and a queer look as if to imply that he was severely mentally retarded
  201. > “well yeah duh! How else are ponies supposed to keep track of whose hiding and who isn’t?”
  202. >she makes a good point about that especially when anon actually gives thought about the sheer number of ponies involved
  203. “well crap, are they still accepting hiders?”
  204. > “Today is the last day to sign up so you better hurry, so you don’t miss out on the fun!”
  205.  
  206. >rainbow actually looked genuinely worried for a second before shaking her head and quickly following up with
  207. > “T-the fun of me kicking your butt!” rainbow hardens her face to look determined “Yeah I forgot to say that”
  208. >what a card rainbow is
  209. >you believe that this pony is just a massive closet weeb
  210. >either way it's cute and gives you good cause to mess with some ponies
  211. >anons thoughts are cut off with rainbow dash pushing him to the door
  212. > “well aren’t you gunna go and sign you slow poke!”
  213. “yeah, yeah I'm going don’t push me”
  214. >” well then why don’t we have a little race to see who will get to the town hall first! What do you say to that?”
  215. > rainbows eyes glint with the excitement of a challenge
  216. “Well let me think... sure why not”
  217. > and with that anon and rainbow dash race off to the town hall
  218.  
  219. >Be anon 30 minutes later
  220. >feel like your chest is on fire holy fuck that was intense
  221. >that little smug ass horse is doing a smug at you
  222. > “Well I guess I win!”
  223. “I-I let; you win”
  224. >anon bends over to put his hands on his knees to catch his breath
  225. >” HAHAHAHAHA! That’s a good one anon.”
  226. >fucking blue fast and her cunting smug let's see her keep up with you flying as fast as she does without her wings
  227. >anon thinks he did pretty well, and he caught rainbow dash eyeing him up
  228. >she averts her gaze now knowing she was caught, blushes and says
  229. >” W-well as much as I'd love to stay and show of my awesomeness to y-you I’ve got to go and... take care of tank! And... do Booooring chores, I-I’ll catch you later!”
  230.  
  231. >with that she flies off and she does so with haste as anon to continues recovering
  232. >anon was caught a bit off guard by this
  233. >not because a pony was actually checking him out because that’s actually happened before
  234. >the little shits can be surprisingly forward and hell even mildly lewd completely in contrast to their childish nature
  235. >but it was rainbow dash, anon usually doesn’t really hang out with her much nor does he like her in that way which is the real kicker
  236. >as anon ponders this mystery he takes out his handkerchief and gives himself a good rub down
  237. >he finds a window that he can look at his reflection in and tidy himself up
  238. >hey a man has got to look his best, thank goodness rarity gave him said handkerchief and a comb
  239. >anon inhales deeply and proceeds into the town hall
  240.  
  241. >as anon enters the town hall he is greeted by the secretary
  242. > “hello Mr.hyooman how can I help you?”
  243. >she looks up at anon eyes shimmering
  244. >holy fucking Jesus muh heart
  245. “yes, I was informed by a friend that I had to sign up to compete in the Annual Ponyville extreme hide and seek grand championship game, where would I go to do that?”
  246. >” oh yes you have to register right here with me”
  247. >the pony pulls out a fucking incomprehensibly fuck hyuge book
  248. >the biggest and de bestest
  249. >twilight would probably be fucking having straight up unrestricted orgasms at the sight of this buk
  250. > the fucking thing was taller than anon by a goddamn foot
  251. “holy shit”
  252. >anon mumbles
  253. >” what was that?”
  254. “N-nothing nothing... where do I sign?”
  255.  
  256. >” oh, hahaha silly me I didn’t open it for you let me just...”
  257. >she takes her hoof and slides it under the last page of the book and with an animalistic scream out of a fucking DBZ episode flips about 130lbs of book open
  258. >the book hits the ground with an earth-shattering thud
  259. >honestly anon would be lying if he said he didn’t just add a skid mark to his underwear
  260. >anon stands there mouth a fucking gape while the secretary mare hands him an inkwell and feather
  261. >despite anon knowing what poners are capable of it still shocks him to see these things irl
  262. “ok where do I sign now?”
  263. >the mare points underneath the last name to be signed
  264. >a miss roseluck
  265. >an absolute wholesome qt3.14 like most ponies honestly
  266. >anon signs as the secretary mare patiently looks on waiting for him to finish
  267.  
  268. “alright there. Is there any kind of validation period for this and does on need to sign every time the hide and seek championship rolls around?”
  269. >” There is no validation this is just so that we can cross ponies' names off as we find them, which means yes every time the championship rolls around you will have to resign.”
  270. “Ok but may I ask why this book is super thicc?”
  271. >with that the mare giggles heartily and anon hands back the inkwell
  272. >” why of course, this is the book that we’ve been using since the founding of ponyville to record the names of the hide and seek players, and now since this will be its last use it will have to be replaced”
  273. “That's actually pretty cool”
  274. >” yeah it is isn't it?”
  275.  
  276. “indeed, one last question for you little mare.”
  277. >blushing and dragging her hoof around on the ground “yes what will that be?”
  278. “is there anything else pertaining to the upcoming event that I should know about?”
  279. >with that the little mare touches a hoof to her lower jaw in a thinking like manner
  280. >” hmmm... Yes, don’t forget to report in tomorrow first thing in the morning for the head count and free breakfast that’ll be held here before the event begins!”
  281. >holy shit a free breakfast
  282. “oh, then I’ll be really sure to make it to that, thanks for the help!”
  283. >” you’re welcome Mr.?”
  284. “anon”
  285. >” oh, you’re welcome Mr.anon!”
  286. >With that anon went back to his house to wait until the cover of night to set up the traps in the fake house

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