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A paranoid /K/ommandos encounter with pastel kinder hoerses

By LocaldurnKanon
Created: 16th July 2021 09:31:33 PM
12th September 2021 11:57:27 PM

  1. >/K/ommando anons week hasn't really been ideal
  2. >he has found himself in strange land filled with small talking horses of pastel complexion and childlike naivety
  3. >he knew that he should have not done the stalker challenge in that old abandoned textile mill
  4. >fucking floor gave in immediately as soon as both his feet touched it
  5. >then ended up waking in some weird ass forest with a dragon chicken looking at him
  6. >anon ate that fucker promptly after decapitating it with his sturdy E-Tool
  7. >it was delicious
  8. >he ended up just wandering around this forest for approximately a day before a local found him
  9. >cue the pony screaming and speaking like a human
  10. >cue anon pissing himself and attempting to run away from the obvious demon horse and KO'ing himself on a tree, he should have been wearing his retard helmet
  11. >after that he woke up in the Canterlot veterinarian clinic and met with the god lazor horses
  12. >anon snapping out out of his reminiscence of past events looks out of the window and at the moon that was starting to give way to the ass crack of dawn
  13. >the smol hoerses brought him to what he thinks is their capital city if he remembers correctly
  14. >their rulers decided to let him stay in their castle to make sure he "isn't a threat to society and to make sure he recovers well from his wound"
  15. >anon naturally being skeptical did not like the situation he found himself currently in
  16. >he just knew that they were bound to probe his anus with large phallic shaped probes and he did not want that
  17. >he knows that their innocence is just a fa├žade to get him to lower his guard so that he can be converted to gay
  18. >but fortunately for anon he has a plan
  19. >and that plan is to get his gear back then get the fuck out of dodge
  20. >anon has in the past 6 days memorized the times which the guard rotate out and exactly how long it takes for them to do so which is approximately 30 minutes
  21. >they always rotate out at the crack of dawn 6:00am, then again around three hours later for mid morning snack time, again at noon for lunch an naps, and finally again around dusk what he guesses to be around 6:30 for dinner
  22. >anon cracks his door to observe the night guards beginning to leave
  23. >all of them quiet tired looking, yawning and stretching.
  24. >...goddammit that's fucking cute
  25. >his heart would have been liquefied from the cuteness if he wasn't so sure that they ARE going to violate his poop deck
  26. >anon looks around and sees that the guards have all cleared out
  27. >justlikeinmyanimus.jpg
  28. >anon starts wandering around
  29. >fuck he should have memorized the castle before attempting to get his shit back and escape
  30. >25 minutes pass and anon is now officially lost
  31. "Holy fucking shit how big is this goddamn place?"
  32. >anon stops and tries to get his bearings and sure enough he has no fucking idea what part of the castle he's in
  33. "Fuck it I'll just cover my eyes and spin around with my finger pointed out and go in that direction"
  34. >anon does so and ended up pointing down a large corridor
  35. >he goes down it and ends up in the ballroom
  36. >anon looks at his phone only to realized that his little stunt fucked him over and that now he will have to wait until mid morning snack time to continue his journey
  37. "I really need to think shit through before taking action"
  38. >anon finds a secluded corner in the room parallel to the door and sits there with his head on a swivel
  39. "hopefully I don't get caught because that will lead to definitive anal probing"
  40. >anon shudders at that thought
  41.  
  42. >Be Princess Celeriac
  43. >you have just finished eating when you were informed that the green militaristic ape was not in his room
  44. "What?!, What do you mean that he isn't in his room!?!"
  45. >(Guard Pony)"He's just not there, your majesty. we are currently forming a search party to go looking for him in the city."
  46. "This is most concerning, we don't know much about him besides that he is reclusive and un-trusting who knows what kind of evil things he could be capable of!"
  47. >(Luna) "It is indeed dear sister we must find him immediately, we shall take flight with the guards to help assist in his recapturing"
  48. "good idea Luna surely with your excellent hide and seek skills you should be able to find the ape alien I shall stay here in the castle and look for him with some guards"
  49. >(Luna) "we shall leave with great haste sister, Guard please escort us to the rendezvous point so that we shall plan our search efforts and organize the guards"
  50. >(Guard Pony) "Yes your majesty, follow me!"
  51. >and with that Luna and the guard pony rush out of the dining room to organize a search party
  52. >this gives Celly time to think about the ape alien and try to get a guess on how he thinks to best surmise the course of action he took
  53. >well you new that he was quite cold, distant, and very suspicious of any pony when they went around him
  54. >and obviously he is quite observant if he could get past your guards
  55. >...
  56. >Celly is jolted out of her thoughts at the sound of the door opening and snaps her eyes up to see the one and only twilight sparkle coming in along with guards
  57. "Twilight! It's great to see that you got my letter inviting you to meet the human, How are you?"
  58. >Twilight gallops up to Celly and embraces her with the most horsey hug imaginable
  59. >"I'm doing great princess! I was very excited to meet the hyooman, but what is all this stuff im hearing about the hyooman escaping, what happened princess?"
  60. "I don't know twilight I'm just as ignorant of what has happened as you are, but since you are here you can help me assist in finding him."
  61. >"I will gladly help you look for him Princess Celestia! is there any where specific you want me too look?"
  62. >Celestia thinks about it for a moment
  63. "Hmmm, why don't you search in the areas adjacent to the ballroom and the ballroom, then from there if you don't find him you can try the kitchen"
  64. >"Alright princess I promise I won't let you down!"
  65. "I'm sure you won't twilight, now you two guards come with me we are going to search the gardens and outside areas of the castle! the rest of you search elsewhere inside the castle"
  66. >and with that celly went sprinting out the door towards the garden
  67. "I hope we find him before it's too late"
  68.  
  69. >Anon awaking to the days sun shining on his face
  70. "shit fuck ass nigger cunt I fucking fell asleep what fucking time is it?"
  71. >anon looks at his phone
  72. "shit its fucking 10:30 I fucking missed the mid morning snack rotation!"
  73. >anon gets up and stretches and looks around
  74. >he hears hoof steps quickly approaching
  75. "oh shit shit shit shit shit shit"
  76. >anon desperately looks for a place to hide but is unsuccessful and the hoof steps get closer
  77. >anon decides his best course of action is to stay in his corner and when the pony comes in to-
  78. >a purple pony walks in
  79. >anon is shitting his pants
  80. >'oh fuck i hope she(?) does not see me' anon thinks
  81. >"Hello? is anypony there? Hellooooooooooooo!!!"
  82. >anon is just remaining calm as the purple horse takes a few more steps in and she immediately spotted him
  83. >"oh my GOSH I FOUND YOU!" the pony exclaims as she does a little horsey dance
  84. >it was pretty cute but you didn't respond or answer
  85. >maybe if he stayed still enough shed think he was a plant and fuck off
  86. >...
  87. >"well? Aren't You going to introduce yourself? It's okay if you are shy"
  88. >shit its anal destruction for him
  89. >with a resigned sigh he decide to speak
  90. "my name is, anonymous"
  91. >"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! That's a nice name, my name is Twilight sparkle"
  92. >just fucking riveting
  93. >"So do you mind telling me why you are here in the ballroom? princess Celestia wasn't very happy that you disappeared and has all the guards in the castle looking for you"
  94. >Holy sheep fucking Christ getting whipped with literal nigger shit
  95. "Holy hell god horse is searching for me?"
  96. >"First of all she isn't god horse she is Princess Celestia, second of all you didn't answer my question."
  97. "I'm in the ballroom because...uh...because I uh, got hungry and tried to find the kitchen and got lost"
  98. >as if on cue you stomach lets out a loud as fuck grumble
  99. >"oh my you must be starving, why don't you come with me to the kitchen and we can get something to eat before I start asking you about your world"
  100. "I quite famished, but before we go i have one question for you?"
  101. >"alright I'm listening?"
  102. "Are you gonna probe my anus?"

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