Anon wants proper pants


                                            Transferred from https://pastebin.com/dmFF9qp3

                                            Originally published MAR 22ND, 2016


                                            >You live in Ponyville, and the only place to get clothing without going on a fucking adventure is Rarity's place

                                            >Except Rarity is a dirty, dirty horse and doesn't listen.

                                            >She sells you clothes really cheap, but they are always way, way more erotic than needed.

                                            >At this point you would kill for normal, comfy underwear and not the sparkling studded lacey shit Rarara rarars in her rararacave.

                                            >It would be nice if you didn't have to take a day-long train ride just to shop around, and shopping around while being an alien is a whole other thing entirely..


                                            >One day, an associate of Rarity arrives in town.

                                            >Supposedly she is half her worker, half franchisee, half student, all fashion horse.

                                            >She looks way less pervy though. That's a plus.

                                            >Taking your chances, you corner her away from Rarararara and place an order for some REAL UNDERPANTS at last.

                                            >You know that kind of boxers, that are, like, really big?

                                            >The kind that makes you feel like you're going commando?

                                            >The kind your dad wore at home.

                                            >And sometimes used to mop up a spill on floor

                                            >And then dad wore them again be cause he gave zero fucks at all You miss the old fart

                                            >The soft, 0% fancy ass, cock and ball privacy guards.

                                            >You explain your forbidden desires to Coco. After taking some quick measurements, she agrees.

                                            >"Anonymous, I can't promise anything, but I will try and do it by next week."


                                            ***


                                            >A week later, Coco is in town again to discuss some horse clothing shit with Rarity

                                            >You don't give a fuck, you just need your dadpants

                                            >You barge into Rarara's rarousel rarotique

                                            >"Welcome to Carousel Bout--"

                                            ""Did you bring the stuff?"

                                            >"Anonymous, darling, it's not that I don't like seeing you, quite the contrary, but-"

                                            "Coco! Do you have THEM?"

                                            >"Yes, Anonymous, just let me-"

                                            >You grab the parcel and head to a changing booth

                                            >"...Coco, Anonymous? What is happening? Mon Chere, you commissioned clothing and didn't tell your good friend Rarity? Am I not good enough--"

                                            >Ignoring everything, you drop your pants and tear the package apart.

                                            >Inside are the most... plain-looking pink underpants you've ever seen.

                                            >"Anonymous? I must admit that I chose a color that I've heard you might not like, but, ..but you told me that you don't care how they look, and this was the softest fabric I could get!"

                                            "Blue, yellow pink, whatever, I just need proper pants"

                                            >It's closer to salmon anyway.

                                            >God they're soft. They are so soft it makes you want to rub your face in them.

                                            >Your balls can't wait any longer, and you put the underpants on.


                                            ***


                                            >Oh.

                                            > ...ooh.

                                            >Oh my god.

                                            >There are no atheists in these pants.

                                            >It's completely unlike the shit Squiggletail tries to pull.

                                            >It feels like a gentle angel is protecting your scrotum from the harsh realities of the world.


                                            >Taking a few tentative steps, you feel your junk rub against the soft fabric.

                                            >Or, rather, barely feel it.

                                            >It's like you're wearing nothing at all, and the air around you just stays warm and opaque out of courtesy and respect.

                                            >Are these pants that good, or are your poor jimmies so rustled by Rarity's designs that even normal pants feel like this?


                                            >There is only one thing to be done.

                                            >You pull the privacy curtain away and come out, half-naked as you are.

                                            >"Coco, really, is that the best you could possibly do? It looks like you just draped a sack-"

                                            "Shut up."

                                            >Rarity looks like she noticed a dead fly in her morning coffee

                                            >Coco... like she is about to cry.

                                            "Coco Pommel"

                                            >"A-a-anonymous?..."

                                            >Unable to contain yourself, you kneel before her, and take her hoof in your hands.

                                            >Is this what love feels like?

                                            "Coco Pommel, I thank you. I thank you from the bottom of my cock and balls."

                                            >Coco is beet-red with lewd

                                            >Rarity is beet-red with jelly

                                            >Today was a "perhaps horsemarriage isn't that bad an idea after all" day