Coffee and fuck you i'm not editing this is bad enough


                                            >Day COFFEE in Equestria

                                            >You are tired. So very, very tired.

                                            >Only one thing can save you from this sluggish hellhole you find yourself trapped in.

                                            >That glorious black liquid.

                                            >The kettle's boiling right now.

                                            >You make instant coffee because FUCK YOU.

                                            >Suddenly a Rainbow Dash hovering in your kitchen.

                                            >"Hey dude what yo-" she says before you cut her off with a swift palm in front of her snout.

                                            "Shush!"

                                            >Your stare at the kettle grows more intensive as the seconds tick by.

                                            >If your eyes were flamethrowers you'd have burnt a hole to Pony-China by now.

                                            >Just as well they aren't, because that would be stupid.

                                            >"Anon, come on man, you're freakin' me out here!" Rainbow begs, hoping for some sort of reply.

                                            "Coffee."

                                            "Brain no work good."

                                            >Uh oh, that isn't good, you lost higher levels of speech.

                                            >This damn coffee better be done soon.

                                            >"Ah, right. I gotcha." she says, understanding creeping into her voice, "Why didn't you just go see Pinkie? She always has a pot brewing."

                                            >...

                                            >Pinkie?

                                            "OF COURSE!"

                                            >Your face breaks out into the most ridiculous grin you've ever had the fortune to never see.

                                            "PINKIE!" you shout, turning to Rainbow Dash.

                                            >You grab her by the shoulders.

                                            "TAKE ME TO THE PINK ONE!" you yell, somehow louder than the shouting.

                                            >You walk towards the door, still holding Rainbow in mid-air by her shoulders.

                                            >"Uh, Anon? You ca-"

                                            >*BANG CRACK SMASH*

                                            >You kick the door right off it's hinges.

                                            "That door was shit anyway." you cry out.

                                            >Rainbow just gives you a look that seems like she's trying to poop.

                                            >Or maybe it's her *niggayouforreal?* face.

                                            >You never could tell.

                                            >With no time to lose you break out into a sprint.

                                            >You speed through PonyVille like a bat out of hell, making all the drunks heading home try and fail miserably to look in wonder.

                                            >Oh that's right, you were supposed to go out drinking with Rainbow.

                                            >Drink later coffee now.

                                            >"Aw man, the bars closed now. What have you been DOING all night?" she asks accusingly.

                                            "Masturbating."

                                            >Smooth.

                                            >"Oh, uuuh, okay. Would you mind putting me down so I can cut all my fur off and have an acid bath?"

                                            >Eh? What?

                                            "No time for your nonsense Dashie! COFFEE!"

                                            >You are closing in on the Pink one's cave of coffee.

                                            >Rainbow gets tossed like a rugby ball right through Pinkie's window.

                                            >You hear Pinkie through the smashed up window.

                                            >Sounds like she's awake now anyway.

                                            >Excellent.

                                            >PP:"Hiya Dashie! What brings you dropping by?"

                                            >You leap towards the wall and scale it in record time, no doubt doing your distant ancestors proud.

                                            Doing a dive roll through her window you land in front of her, on her bed.

                                            >She's tucked in and has the cutest nightcap on.

                                            "PINK ONE! I REQUIRE COFFEE!"

                                            >PP:"Hiya Anon! Sure, one fresh cup of coffee coming riiiight up!"

                                            >She pulls a pot of coffee out of her mane, it's boiling hot.

                                            >You long ago learned never to question her methods.

                                            >A mug is placed in your hand, and some of that delectable brown nectar is poured into it.

                                            >Sugar and milk are also added because shut up it's how you like it.

                                            >You drink the whole thing in one gulp.

                                            >A warm, fuzzy feeling spreads from your throat and stomach all through your body.

                                            >PP:"All better Nonny?" she queries, all sunshine and rainbows.

                                            "Yes."

                                            >RD:"Can we go drinking nooow? Or do you have to clop some more?" she smirks.

                                            >PP:"Ooooh, Nonny was cloppin'?" she is beaming now.

                                            "Yeah sure, why not. Say Pinkie? Do you want to get really drunk with me and Dashie?"

                                            >Rainbow rolls her eyes at the nickname.

                                            >PP:"How is that even a question? Of course I do silly!"

                                            >Sweet.

                                            "Dashie can you get the booze from my house? You know where it's at."

                                            >She should, she has to keep stocking it up.

                                            >RD:"Why can't your lazy flank go?" she huffs.

                                            "Because you are faster, now mush!" you reply, a whip crack sounding out from somewhere, probably Pinkie.

                                            >RD:"Oh yeah, duh."

                                            >She's off like a shot.

                                            "So Pinkie, more coffee?" you suggest.

                                            >"Absolutely!" she beams, pouring more milky coffee with enough sugar in it to fuel the sun for a week.

                                            >You drink this one in a single gulp too.

                                            >That lovely fuzzy feeling comes back.

                                            >Rainbow blasts back through the window.

                                            >She is covered in soot, and has saddlebags full of alcohol.

                                            >RD:"So, uh, hey dude. You know you never turned off your kettle right?"

                                            >Oh shit.

                                            >RD:"Well, uh, I'm not sure how to say this, but your house kinda burned down. I managed to save the booze though."

                                            "Ah well, we have what really matters booze and coffee."

                                            >PP:"And each other!"

                                            "Ugh, yes and each other. Now shut up and drink."

                                            >PP:"Nonny if you need a place to sleep, you can crash here. You too Rainbow."

                                            >RD:"In the same bed?" she jokes.

                                            "Alright, if you want."

                                            >PP:"YIPPEE!!"


                                            >It was the warmest sleep you've ever had.