Horse Confessions

 

"Hey, Anon, um, you know how we both love to read books, right? Well, it, uh, struck me as funny that, for as long as I've been reading, I've never tried writing before. So… I got to thinking, and… I tried my hoof at it."

"This is the result of that. I'd like you to read it, Anon. It's… well, it's about you. About us. Well, it's not exactly about us; it's about characters based on us. You're written as a pony and I'm written as an ordinary unicorn and neither we nor our friends are given the same names or appearances, but-"

"Heh, there I go, off on another one of those tangents you mentioned."

"Anon, what I'm trying to say is… you're… you're my muse, Anon. This book: it's written for you, about you, to you. It wouldn't have been possible without you."

"There's a way you make me feel, Anonymous. It's like… it's like when I first came to Ponyville, before we met. I told you about this. It was like a whole new world I'd never seen before was opened up just for me! Friends! I'd never had friends; I couldn't even comprehend the concept of friendship right up until I realized that I'd five of my very own friends. It was new, it was amazing, it was astounding, it was the most wonderful discovery ever!"

"And now, now, that I feel that same way again, and for you… Well, I've already discovered friendship, so it can't be that. It has to be something new, something else I've never known before, maybe even… something deeper?"

"You know, it's funny, when I was a student in Canterlot, I didn't put much stock in the supernatural. My friend Pinkie Pie taught me about the value of not discounting the things you can't understand though, so I guess… I'd say… Anon, we're, we're one and the same. You and I. Like me, you didn't understand friendship. Like me, you had to be taught. And what a student you've been, Anon. You bring so much joy to Ponyville, with your cheerful demeanour, your intelligent conversation, your skilled hands. You've made a complete turnaround from the sad, lonely little human that washed up in the Everfree Forest two years ago, and I couldn't be prouder to say that I was a part of that."

"What I'm trying to say, Anon, is that I'd like you to stay in the castle indefinitely with me. As my prince. The Prince of Friendship. I… I need you to be with me, Anonymous. Always. Forever. Do… do you understand? Just, just say 'yes'. Please."

 

DASH

 

"Anon, there you are! I've been looking all over for you. We need to talk."

"All right. I'm not really sure how to put this. Uh, Anon, it's been really nice having you as a workout buddy. The only other pony in town who's as big into fitness as I am is Bulk Bicep, but he'd never be caught dead doing cardio, and I need to go fast. I love going fast. Speed. All my life I've been zooming around, one checkpoint to the next. Whoosh! Zoom! Bam!"

"You know what I'm saying?"

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's been a blast, 'Non. Thanks."

"I'm the fastest pony in Ponyville, Anon. Maybe in all of Equestria. There aren't many folks who can keep up with me in a race, even on hoof, and… well, that includes you I guess."

"But you try. And you're even getting better! You were a skinny little monkey-thing with a fat belly when you first asked me for help, and… now you're…"

"You're solid. I like that in a guy. I mean, uh… hold on a sec."

"You're great. You really are. I'd like to hang out with you some more. We can get to know each other better. Maybe you could start staying over at my place. We could get Twilight to cast her cloud-walking spell on you; it works, I've seen her do it."

"You ever sleep in a cloud bed, 'Non? It's way better than anything else; you'll never wanna go back."

"Hey! You know I don't like it when ponies - or humans - touch my hooves!"

"I guess you caught on then, huh? Good. I'm not very good at all this mushy feely stuff. Let's get down to business. Say yes, and I promise you, I can be a total freak in that cloud bed. Whattaya say? Deal?"

 

RARITY

 

"Anonymous, you look smashing, just like I knew you would. Red is so your color."

"I cannot begin to thank you enough for coming with me to this place. I heard about the grand opening of a new five-hoof restaurant in Canterlot, and I just had to go, but a girl can't eat at a fancy restaurant without a hot date, now can she?"

"Anonymous, you're much too easily embarrassed. It makes teasing you far too much fun."

"And I'd… I'd like to thank you for more than that as well. Why, ever since you dropped into my life - literally dropped, do you remember that? I was crafting a dress for a very wealthy client, when suddenly, poof, you appeared over my head and fell right on top of the dress and completely ruined it."

"More than that, remember what you were wearing? Cargo shorts. Honestly, darling, what were you thinking? You're so lucky you appeared in my boutique first, where I could fix your outfit before anypony else saw you."

"Come to think of it, you were embarrassed when I asked you to change, too. But that's a part of what I like about you so much. Most of the ponies in Ponyville hardly wear clothes at all, but I don't think I've ever seen you without clothes.

"Honestly, Anonymous, you've been here how long now? Two years? We don't normally wear clothes in this world, you know, so it is all right to go naked sometimes. Why, except for this hat and scarf, I'm naked right now!"

"You're too easy, Anonymous. Regardless of your own ideas of public decency, I'm very glad for your affinity for clothing. It's made you one of my most constant companions. You must come into my boutique at least once a week, usually more. Why, I do believe you're my number one customer in all of Ponyville. And when you do come, you seem to be the only being in all of Equestria that understands why we stand still when Miss Rarity is measuring and or fitting us. But it's more than that; it really is."

"Your… your unusual form, and the unique problems it presents, makes me a better designer. You make me a better designer. Your presence has caused my mind to think in new ways it never could before you. In fact, I…"

"Anonymous, I grew up reading romance novels. Don't tell Twilight Sparkle or Rainbow Dash; I'm sure they'd each give me an earful explaining why romance novels aren't really novels at all and why I should be reading childrens' books or textbooks or something. What I like is what I like, and I've never apologized for it. They were what my mother had lying around, so I read them. Over the years, I developed my archetypal 'perfect stallion,' and I waited for him my whole life. Mother said I was being unrealistic, but I didn't settle. I never settle; that's simply not the Rarity way."

"But it's like I said, Anonymous. New ways of thinking. Maybe… I didn't have to settle. Maybe… let's suppose that perhaps the stallion of my dreams isn't a stallion at all, but rather… a man. Maybe it's possible that the intelligent, supportive, listening, and hard-working answer to my prayers has been waltzing into my boutique every week on two legs. Maybe, Anonymous… maybe it's you."

"Except… there's no 'maybe' about it, Anonymous. During the day you dominate my every waking thought, and during the night you conquer my dreams. Last week, when I asked you to come here with me, I woke up from a dream about you. About us, really. We simply… went about a daily routine, but… we did it together. When I woke up, I knew. I knew it had to be you. I knew that fate had to have dropped you - literally dropped you - into my lap for a reason. It's our destiny, Anonymous! A destiny that pulled you across vast, unfathomable leagues of time and space to be here with me today. Anonymous, we must be lovers! We must!"

"There. You are now in full possession of my confession of love. Do with it what you will; I can only hope, now that it's out, that you can feel the same way about me."

 

PINKIE

 

"Hi Nonny!"

"Whoops! Sorry about that."

"Nonny! Are you still free for baking those cupcakes at 8?"

"And Cranky Doodle's birthday party this afternoon?"

"And our romantic dinner date tonight?"

"Oh, gosh! Did I not tell you about the romantic dinner date yet? All right, lemme see here…"

"Nonny, you make my heart happy. I mean, I think it's happy because it's always beating like crazy whenever you're around which reminds me of a totally down beat at a totally amazing party only the party is inside of me and it never ends!

"It all started when you first got here roughly two years, three months, twenty-seven days, four hours, five minutes, and thirty-eight seconds ago, give or take. My pinkie sense sent me on a total doozie that I'd never ever felt before, like, ever!"

"My face got all tingly, my tummy got all light-weight, and my tail got all bouncy! And ever since then, it always happens whenever you're around. I'd never ever felt anything like it before, so I spent a long time trying to figure it out and I think I finally know what it means! It means that I like you, Nonny!"

"That's like like, just so you know."

"So I figured the best way to celebrate my amazing discovery would be with a "Congratulations-on-Finding-a-New-Pinkie-Sense" party!"

"Only I'd invite just the two of us, instead of the whole town like I usually would."

"So, about that romantic dinner date. You free tonight?"

 

FLUTTERSHY

 

"Anon, it's starting now! Look!"

"C'mon, little guy, you can do it."

"Just a little bit more…"

"Oh, aren't you just the most precious little thing?"

"Poor little guy. You were just an egg on the ground, all alone. I guess I have to be your mom now, don't I?"

"And Anon has to be your dad, doesn't he?"

"Anon, have you ever wondered about that? Being a dad, I mean. Starting a family."

"I think about it a lot. Not being a dad, I mean. Being a mom. I guess it's a part of why I keep so many animals around."

"There you go, little guy. Hatching is hard work; you must be so hungry right now."

"I mean, I've always wanted to be one; it's just that… I've been so shy all my life. But… my friends have been helping me get over that, and… I know they've been doing the same for you, so… I was just wondering if you were… seeing anypony."

"Oh, m-me neither."

"So, um, I was wondering if… maybe… you'd like to see me?"

"I-I mean, i-it's just… you're always coming here t-to, um, help with the animals, and, um, maybe we could make it a more regular thing if you, um, stayed here with me?"

"I mean… I-I really like you, Anon. Would you like to… be with me? And we could… maybe… start a family some day? I-I mean, i-if you… want to…"

 

APPLEJACK

 

"Anon, put that thing down! C'mere an' take a load off, why don'tcha?"

"Come on, now. Day's over. Come an' watch the Sun set with me, Mr. 'Nonermous."

"That's it. You did good, Mr. 'Nonermous. With those hands o' yers I reckon we'll have all these apples harvested 'fore harvestin' season's even finished! Yer really earnin' yer pay out there."

"'Freshments, Mr. 'Nonermous?"

"Anon, I was wonderin', d'you ever think about yer family? Shoot, if I were suddenly thrown into this whole 'nother world away from my family fer two whole years, I'd miss 'em like crazy!"

"An' it got me thinkin', why, Mr. 'Nonermous, yer practically part o' my family! I mean, ya eat dinner with us every night, ya live on the farm in yer little loft above the barn, an' ya've worked fer us both summers ya've been in Ponyville!"

"But, uh, ya had to find work elsewhere last winter on account o' there weren't no apples to harvest, an' we didn't see too much o' ya then. Now winter's on the way again, an', uh, well gosh, I can't stand the thought o' losin' ya again. None of us can!"

"Shoot, Big Macintosh loves havin' another guy on the farm to talk to, Granny Smith loves the way you love her cookin', n' somehow yer the only grown-up in all o' Ponyville who finds Apple Bloom's antics funny enough to join in."

"An' I don't find that last part endearin'…"

"… fer the most part."

"My point is: yer family to us, Anon. An' family don't send family out durin' the winter. Least, not the Apple family."

"So I was thinkin', since yer practically family, why don't we make you officially family?"

"I mean, yer hard-workin', good-hearted, an' strong-backed."

"An' more than that, I like you, Anon. I could settle down with a feller like you."

"I know, I know, most ponies these days think ya gotta court with each other fer years n' years before gettin' hitched. But darn it! Life's too short fer all o' that nonsense! Before ya know it yer an old spinster an' it's too late!"

"So whattaya say, Mr. 'Nonermous? Join the family? We'd all love to have ya around."