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Dime Novel

By Writefag_Roulette
Created: 2021-07-16 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-01-20 14:33:39
Expiry: Never

  1. >"When you deliver these papers to the marshal, youngster, we shall be free."
  2. >old Pops Benson presses the precious documents into your eager hand, and you secure them in your saddlebag
  3. "That's right, Pops, by all the stars, that's right. I'll get to riding straight away sir, we haven't a monent to spare."
  4. >you're about to spur on your horse when a sweet, feminine cry halts you
  5. >"Wait! Anon, wait!"
  6. >she's a lovely little slip of a girl
  7. >her fair skin - almost white - miraculously untouched by the hot desert sun which watches over her daily toils
  8. >her glossy, raven hair waving behind her like the flag as she flies from the house
  9. >her perfectly-formed hands, desperately grasping for yours
  10. >old Pops Benson smiles and retreats, giving you the respectful distance needed for a lovers' parting
  11. >Bolly Benson scowls up at you
  12. >"To think you'd just up and ride off without so much as saying goodbye!"
  13. "Shoot, Bolly, don't be mad. Once I get these papers to the marshall, that old scoundrel Jim Dene will be hauled off in irons, and you and your father shall be safe."
  14. >"I know that! You can still spare a moment to say goodbye to me, can't you?"
  15. "I suppose you're right. Goodbye, dear Bolly. I'll be back again tomorrow, or the day after at latest."
  16. >those slender fingers wrap themselves around your wide ones just a bit tighter
  17. >"You'd better be."
  18. "I will. And when I get back..."
  19. >you lower your voice to an intimate whisper
  20. "I shall ask you to marry me."
  21. >Bolly gasps
  22. "Tell me, Bolly, what will you say?"
  23. >"Why- why I- Yes!"
  24. >she lets go of your hands to throw her arms about your waist
  25. >"Of course I'll say yes, Anonymous, you silly boy!"
  26. >you gently unclasp Bolly's hands from your body
  27. "Then I'll be off."
  28. >"You'd better be."
  29. "I will. Hyar, Braeburn! Ride on, you faithful old beast!"
  30. >the intelligent, tawny mustang doesn't need to feel your spurs to know that it's time to run
  31. >the powerful beast gallops to the east, his hooves pounding the earth like thunder
  32. >the nearest marshal isn't, strictly speaking, so very far away
  33. >the problem is that he's on the far side of the Grand Canyon
  34. >the fastest way over is to ride along the north rim of that impressive abyss
  35. >but that route shall take you through the wild and treacherous forest of Coconina
  36. >neither you nor your steed seems to notice as you pass through the treeline of that treacherous country
  37. >Braeburn, perhaps, because these wooded hills are the very same which he roamed as a wild horse, in the years before you caught him
  38. >you because your mind is focused on your hope for the future
  39. >to think that you, Anonymous
  40. >you, the wandering wild horse hunter who hasn't so much as slept under a roof these past five years
  41. >to think that you of all people had found love, and would soon be settling down upon a ranch
  42. >and that someday you'd inherit that ranch, as a gift from a dear old friend
  43. >it's enough to make you whoop your delight
  44. >and to think that that old rustler
  45. >that old scoundrel, Jim Dene
  46. >to think that at last he'd pay the penalty for his many crimes
  47. >that's what spurs you to ride on with the greatest possible speed
  48. >you scarcely notice the haunting beauty of the Grand Canyon as you ride up to its northern rim
  49. >unfortunately, there's something else you fail to notice as well
  50. >a little glint of metal in the trees
  51. >and it's aiming straight for your heart!
  52.  
  53. >CRR-ACK
  54. >a bolt of fire pierces your shoulder and knocks you off of Braeburn
  55. >the spooked mustang rides off without you
  56. >so much the better for him
  57. >he'll do better in the woods of his birth than he would in the hands of the coward that's shot you
  58. >the scoundrel steps from the trees, emitting a low cackle that you'd know anywhere
  59. >with a painful effort, you look up into the swarthy, bearded face of the outlaw Jim Dene
  60. >"Figgered on gettin' those papers to the marshal, did ya Mr. Nonermous?"
  61. "Sure did... And I still do, you shameless coward!"
  62. >"Wal, I reckon you'll have a hard time of that..."
  63. >Dene grins a crooked grin
  64. >"From the bottom of thet thar Grand Canyon!"
  65. >with his rumbling cackle, Dene presses a boot against your shocked body
  66. >and nudges it over the rim of canyon!
  67. >the fall seems... shorter than you expected
  68. >and you hit the ground
  69. >and a flood of pitch drowns the world from your senses
  70. >sensation returns with a big, wet muzzle nudging your face
  71. >thinking one of your hounds has come to show you his affection, you raise your hands to push the brute away
  72. >but the sharp pain that tears through your shoulder quickly jolts you to a full awareness of your situation
  73. >and your eyes snap open
  74. >the creature that's awoken you is not a hound, nor a member of the canine family at all
  75. >it's your own trusty, tawny mustang, Braeburn
  76. >you bite back a pained grunt to place your hand on his nose and rub it
  77. "Ah, you faithful old beast. You came back for me, did you?"
  78. >Braeburn snorts and pulls his face out of yours, evidently convinced of your welfare
  79. >night has fallen
  80. >the Grand Canyon is as hauntingly beautiful at night as it is during the day
  81. >maybe moreso
  82. >you can tell, from this high ledge you landed on
  83. >the broken twigs beneath your body attest to the bush which gave its life for yours
  84. >though the thorns embedded deep in your back protest that it did so unwillingly
  85. >you roll off the remains of your savior and prop yourself into a sitting position against the canyon wall
  86. >but you wince as the sheer sandstone presses a thorn a bit deeper into your back
  87. >you'll have to get those out
  88. >it's a slow, painful task to grasp for those thorns and remove them from your tattered hide
  89. >by the time you've gotten every one you can reach with your good arm, darkness is dancing in the corners of your vision
  90. >you shake your head
  91. >and you notice Braeburn doing something odd
  92. >he's standing motionless
  93. >staring up into brilliant desert sky
  94. >and a strange fancy takes hold of your imagination
  95. "Ah, Braeburn, what manner of distant sphere are you looking at, out there in the great infinity of the cosmos?"
  96. >the horse does not respond
  97. "For all the tea in China, I'll bet it's a lot better than this old Earth. I bet it's nothing but green pastures and wide-open spaces, where the wild horses roam."
  98. >the tawny mustang snorts
  99. >the brilliant silver light reflecting off the canyon is dimmed as darkness threatens to overtake you again
  100. "Ah, Braeburn. Would that we could go together to that far-off world."
  101. >and as the world fades away
  102. >you see Braeburn do something odd
  103. >that mighty mustang rears up to his fullest height
  104. >and he brays at the stars
  105. >you don't get a chance to discern why he does this
  106. >because soon you're unconscious once more
  107.  
  108. >from somewhere in the darkness
  109. >the unmistakable shape of a hoof nudges your side
  110. "Cut that out, Braeburn."
  111. ~"How do you know my name?!"
  112. >your eyelids all but fly off of your eyes
  113. >it's daytime
  114. >you're nowhere near the grand canyon
  115. >you've been propped up against a great granite boulder in the middle of some sandy plain
  116. >and the creature that's poked you is...
  117. >you leap to your feet
  118. >the horse looking at you now is a small, tawny thing that looks, for all the world, just like your Braeburn
  119. >but its eyes are wide and green and filled with visible disconscernment
  120. >and it's wearing a wide-brimmed hat and a bucksin vest as though it were a man!
  121. >and...
  122. "Why, but you're so little. You're scarcely a pony! You couldn't possibly be Braeburn!"
  123. >the creature frowns
  124. ~"I am a pony, mister, and I've been Braeburn all my life!"
  125. "And you talk!"
  126. ~"Only when I got something to say, if I can help it. Now tell me, mister, what manner of creature are you? I was going on my way, but when I saw you sleeping over here I just had to stop and ask."
  127. "Me? I am a man."
  128. >or at least, you think you are
  129. >a quick examination of your arms and legs tells you've undergone no strange changes
  130. >but your shoulder
  131. >there's no wound on it!
  132. >for that matter, there's no pain in your back either
  133. "Something wondrous strange is going in here."
  134. ~"I'll say. Come, stranger, tell me how a 'man' like yourself came to be just west of Appleoosa."
  135. "Appleoosa? I've never heard of such a place."
  136. ~"It's the nearest town. You must be very far from home indeed to have never heard of it. "
  137. "I must be, at that. I was... riding. I was taking some papers to the marshal, containing irrefutable evidence that one Jim Dene was a rustler and an outlaw. But Dene caught me on the way, and I... I fell into the Grand Canyon."
  138. >the pony scratches his chin
  139. ~"Well I don't know about any Grand Canyon, or any Jim Dene."
  140. >he scowls
  141. ~"But I do know of one Jim Beam."
  142. >the small Braeburn spits
  143. "I take it the fellow's not quite good company."
  144. ~"He sure ain't. He's a land-thief, an apple-rustler, and now a kidnapper."
  145. "What in the world is an apple rustler?"
  146. ~"It's a scoundrel who digs up apple trees from my orchard in the dead of night, and carries them off to his ill-gotten farmland."
  147. "What a yellow trick!"
  148. ~"My cousins have been telling me to leave it alone, saying his gang is just too tough for me to handle."
  149. >his hoof stomps hard into the sand
  150. ~"Except last night he went too far, when he carried off my sweetheart! I'm going to run Jim Beam and his thugs out of the west right now!"
  151. "Why, and he deserves it, too! How I hate him from what you've told me! You must be heading into town to gather up some tough cowboys to help you."
  152. >Braeburn shakes his head sadly
  153. ~"Actually, I'm leaving town. Everypony's just too darn scared of Beam's gang to help me."
  154. >why, but that's outrageous!
  155. >one lone pony against a whole, vicious gang?
  156. >surely you haven't wound up in a country with no more than one brave soul?
  157. "Well that settles it then!"
  158. ~"Settles what?"
  159. "I shall go with you. We'll whip that Jim Beam so soundly he'll wish he never laid eyes on your orchard!"
  160. >Braeburn frowns
  161. ~"Why, I'd be right grateful for your help. But ain't you working out problems of your own? Your papers?"
  162. "My papers are lost, and in any case I wouldn't know how to get back to the Grand Canyon from here. But your sweetheart is out there right now, in the clutches of the crookedest scoundrel I've ever heard of, and you're going to help her all on your lonesome. I just couldn't live with myself if I went on my way without helping you."
  163. >Braeburn scratches his chin at that
  164. >and then smiles
  165. ~"Well shoot, what's your name, partner?"
  166. "Anonymous. My friends call me Anon."
  167. ~"Come on then, Anon. You'll be the strangest traveling partner I ever had."
  168.  
  169. >as you follow the trail left by the kidnappers, Braeburn explains a bit about his country to you
  170. >it's called Equestria
  171. >that great American experiment, democracy, seems to be an unheard-of concept here
  172. >thus, the quadrupedal cowboy at your side is ruled by, surprisingly, a princess
  173. >creatures such as men are also unheard-of
  174. >just about everyone in this land is a pony
  175. >and those that aren't are generally other hoofed creatures, such as zebras or buffalo
  176. >your companion is just about to explain what he knows of the buffalo who inhabit these plains
  177. >but he does a curious thing
  178. >he canters off, away from the trail, in the direction of some mountain range in the distance
  179. "Braeburn, old fellow, you're leaving the tracks."
  180. >the tawny pony stops, and gives you a look of confusion
  181. ~"Tracks? What tracks?"
  182. "Why, the ones we've been following all this time."
  183. >Braeburn shakes his head
  184. ~"I sure didn't see any tracks. I was just headed to Jim Beam's hideout, in that there mountain over there."
  185. "No foot or hoof has stepped in that direction for days. But look here! Three ponies, maybe four if one of them was dragged, went toward the river no more than twelve hours ago."
  186. >Braeburn frowns at the sand
  187. ~"How do you figure that? This sand's too soft to hold a proper hoofprint."
  188. "Have I been a wild horse hunter all these years for nothing? See here, these craters and grooves within the sand? These were left by hooves about the same size as yours, for all the tea in China."
  189. ~"Have you been a what now?"
  190. >oh!
  191. >of course, "wild horse hunter" might be a controversial title in the land of Equestria
  192. "A... tracker. If you'll follow me to the river, I'll explain some things about my own native country."
  193. >you take Braeburn to the river, attempting along the way to describe the wild horses which roam the American plains
  194. >emphasizing that they are not, as he is, rational beings
  195. >and stressing with even greater emphasis that you merely capture and tame the beasts, and do not eat them
  196. ~"Your country is a strange land."
  197. "Ah, then imagine how I felt upon waking in yours."
  198. >down by the river, the sand is downright muddy in places
  199. >and there, in the wet sand, you see it
  200. "There. There's the proof that I know my trade. Even an untrained eye can see that."
  201. >Braeburn sees the hoofprints in the sand
  202. ~"Well, I sure can see it. And I sure wish I couldn't."
  203. "What's the matter?"
  204. ~"This river flows through buffalo country."
  205.  
  206. >the journey becomes one of uneasy silence as the two of you follow the river westward
  207. >based on what Braeburn has told you about buffalo, you gather that they aren't civilized folk
  208. >yet he says that the buffalo near Appleoosa have been friendly with the settlers for some time now
  209. >so why the unease?
  210. >the further you go, the more brush you notice
  211. >cacti and sparse patches of sage at first
  212. >but, almost imperceptably, the desert transitions into a vast plain of tall, dry grass
  213. >even you, tall man that you are, can't see over the top of the rustling sea you're now navigating
  214. >you take those noisy stalks of grass as both a blessing and a curse
  215. >a curse because silent motion is all but impossible for you
  216. >a blessing because silent motion should be absolutely impossible for the lumbering, clumsy creatures you know as buffalo
  217. >if you're attacked, you won't be surprised at least
  218. >"Halt. Pony and chingachgook."
  219. >wheeling around, you find yourself face to face with three buffalo
  220. >you've been completely surprised!
  221. >Braeburn takes off his hat respectfully
  222. ~"I am Braeburn, a friend of the buffalo. Little Strongheart will vouch for me."
  223. >the lead buffalo snorts
  224. >"I know of no Little Strongheart. But the great pony chief Braeburn is known to me, as the devil who soiled the sacred stampeding grounds of the buffalo with his foul trees!"
  225. >Braeburn swallows
  226. ~"I was afraid of that."
  227. >"And now the pony chief Braeburn brings a chingachgook into the sacred grazing grounds!"
  228. "Why do they keep calling me a 'chingachgook?'"
  229. ~"I believe it means something to the effect of 'evil sand spirit.' Probably because they can't tell what you are."
  230. "Ah. That's troubling."
  231. >"Silence! Pony and chingachgook, you are prisoners of the Patchy buffalo herd. You will come to face judgement!"
  232. >now, you're a big man
  233. >you can tussle with damn near any man alive
  234. >and if the average pony is Braeburn's size, you could probably fight any pony alive as well
  235. >but, though these buffalo are somewhat smaller than the great beasts of the American plain
  236. >there's no tussling with those horns
  237. "Now-now, hold on, big chief. We're off to rescue a maiden. A scoundrel named Jim Beam took her off in the night-"
  238. ~"Anon, no!"
  239. >all three buffalo begin to stamp their big hooves menacingly
  240. >"Jim Beam is a friend of the buffalo! Jim Beam brings firewater!"
  241. >Braeburn groans
  242. ~"I was afraid of that, too."
  243.  
  244. >the buffalo lead you and Braeburn along an incomprehensible path of unchanging grasslands
  245. >along the way, you make a point of snapping stalks of grass at regular intervals
  246. >you don't snap them in two
  247. >you just leave them bent
  248. >the buffalo either don't notice what you're doing or can't make sense of it
  249. >either way, none of them orders you to stop
  250. >eventually, you come to a neatly-grazed clearing containing a small village
  251. >tents, made from fibers of tightly-woven grass, dot the area
  252. >buffalo look up from their grazing and bellow at the sight of you
  253. >"It is the pony chief! He who steals the stampede!"
  254. >"But what is that with him?"
  255. >your captor helpfully provides his theory as to your identity
  256. >"It is a chingachgook! The pony chief has brought it to bring ruin to our grazing grounds!"
  257. >the buffalo proceed to bellow and stomp, quite literally shaking the earth itself
  258. >you take advantage of the cover of noise to ask Braeburn a question
  259. "Would it help if I explained that I am a traveller from a distant land?"
  260. ~"The only distant land these folks know of is the spirit land."
  261. "Would that happen to be where such creatures as evil sand spirits come from?"
  262. ~"Yup."
  263. "I see."
  264. >the herd quiets down as a stooped, greying old bull saunters out of the central tent
  265. >the ancient buffalo wears a feathery headdress which flows all the way down his massive back
  266. >and intricate, multi-colored swirls and patterns have been dyed down the length of his grizzled hair
  267. >these buffalo remind you of nothing so much as the Indians who have haunted American frontiers since your first forefathers set foot in that continent
  268. >aided by this comparison, you deduce that the decorated old bull must be the ruler of the village
  269. >the herd waits in silence as the old chief stares at you stoicly
  270. >"The strangers shall undergo the trials. Thus says the Patchy."
  271. >immediately, the herd breaks into a ruckus again
  272. >you and Braeburn are shoved against a tent
  273. >your hands are pulled behind you, through holes in the thick, fibrous material and bound with a rope
  274. >Braeburn's front hooves are given a similar treatment, forcing him to stand upright
  275. >it's a cruel way to treat a quadruped, but if your friend is in pain he doesn't show it
  276. >the buffalo leave the two of you alone for a while, as barrels are brought out from the central tent
  277. >the lids are thrown from the barrels, and the buffalo braves proceed to sloppily drink a clear, brown liquid from them
  278. ~"Oh, no."
  279. "Is that whiskey?"
  280. ~"Sure is. More work of Jim Beam. Buffalo ain't friendly creatures even at their best, but they normally have something resembling a sense of honor."
  281. "I take it that strong drink tends to erode that honor?"
  282. ~"Sure does. Beam's thugs must've came through here and left that whiskey just to make sure anypony tracking them wouldn't get past the village."
  283. "That's a cunning trick. Damn, we should have headed for the mountain. If I hadn't-"
  284. ~"'Tain't your fault. For all the tea in Canterlot we wouldn't have found Beam there anyway."
  285. "We wouldn't have found these drunken buffalo either."
  286. ~"Courage, man! They'll gore us straight away if you show them any fear! Show them courage, and they might let us live overnight, and we might yet slip away in the dark."
  287. "You're right."
  288. >the spark of hope begins to flare and warm inside your breast
  289. "Damn it all, you're right. We still live!"
  290. >"The chingachgook still lives, it says!"
  291. >a young buffalo brave stumbles away from the barrels and lowers his horns in your direction
  292. >"It will not say such things for long!"
  293. >and with that
  294. >the bull charges
  295.  
  296. >as the buffalo brave thunders ever nearer
  297. >your resolve grows stronger, not weaker
  298. >your face is set like a grim stone
  299. >and you stare down those approaching horns as though contemptful of them
  300. >why should these horned savages have the satisfaction of seeing you quake?
  301. >at the last moment, the young bull pulls off to the side and collides with the tent
  302. >that marvelously strong, grass-woven material is neither punctured nor torn by the impact, though it does flap inward with the blow
  303. >your heart sinks as you realize that your bonds are made from that same material
  304. >there can be no hope of clutching at some small rock to sever them then, as in some yellowed dime-novel for young boys
  305. >the buffalo looks you in the eye and snorts contemptuously before stalking away
  306. >another drunken brave repeats the performance
  307. >and another
  308. >this goes on for you don't know how long
  309. >your affected contempt becomes real contempt as it becomes clear that the buffalo only intend to try to scare you
  310. >but one of the young braves is somewhat more drunken than his fellows
  311. >he swerves erratically and comes very near to goring you by accident
  312. >and that tears it
  313. >no more of this nonsense
  314. >drawing upon the lore of those great spiritual ancestors of the western cowboys, the bordermen of the Ohio River Valley who lived and fought more than a century ago, you deliver an imposing bellow which causes some of the younger bulls to flinch
  315. "Enough! The mannish chief has no patience for the antics of calves! If the mannish chief is to meet his end, let it be at the horns of a real warrior!"
  316. >a dark-eyed buffalo maiden - scarcely more than a calf herself - stares at you with wondering eyes
  317. >the young braves, previously so eager to charge at you, now shuffle their great hooves uncertainly
  318. >considering that your only real-life experience with Indians has been with docile, peacable Navajos, you'd like to think it somewhat impressive that you've commanded the Patchy herd to a stunned silence
  319. ~"Anon."
  320. "What?"
  321. ~"I really wish you hadn't said that."
  322. "Why's that, old fellow?"
  323. ~"See for yourself."
  324. >a massive, painted buffalo warrior - perhaps even bigger than the ones which roam the American plains - is now pawing the ground some fifty feet away from you
  325. "I see."
  326. >the creature gives a bovine bellow
  327. >and charges
  328. >faster than thought the creature is almost upon you
  329. >and it's not swerving away!
  330. >unable to maintain your stony composure, you manage to channel your terror into a furious glare
  331. >and those great horns make impact
  332. >say
  333. >come to think of it, this warrior is a great deal bigger than the buffalo you've wrangled in your native land
  334. >his horns are pressing into the tent on either side of your torso
  335. >the grizzled hair on his scalp is brushing against your belly through your shirt
  336. >that mighty warrior lifts his head to scowl into your eyes
  337. >and finally, he departs with a snort that leaves your poor face covered in sticky fluids
  338. >the buffalo are evidently finished with you
  339. >and they proceed to give Braeburn the same treatment you've just received
  340. >he doesn't quake any more than you did
  341. >he does, however, wisely keep his mouth shut
  342. >the sky is darkening when the chief bellows the command to stop
  343. >"The trials will resume tomorrow. Thus says the Patchy."
  344. >and so
  345. >with more than a few angry snorts in your direction
  346. >the herd retreats to its tents for the night
  347.  
  348. >darkness falls
  349. >the sound of shuffling from the tents quiets down
  350. ~"Anon."
  351. "Hm?"
  352. ~"Have you tried slipping out?"
  353. "No. No I hadn't thought about it."
  354. ~"Just as well. I haven't had much luck with it."
  355. >for a moment, you flex the muscles in your forearm to their fullest width
  356. >and after years of wrangling every beast the plains and deserts of the west have had to offer, from wild horses to bears, that's very wide indeed
  357. >the tightly woven grass rope stretches but little, if at all
  358. >it could be days before you've stretched out the loops wide enough to let your hands through
  359. "Ah, it could take quite some time."
  360. >Braeburn sighs
  361. ~"We could be here for quite some time. The buffalo who live closer to Appleoosa say the Patchy herd are downright ghastly."
  362. "What do you reckon we're in for?"
  363. ~"At least three more days of being toyed with, each day more ghoulish than the last."
  364. >silence falls
  365. >you gaze up into the stars
  366. >wondering if, perhaps, your native land rests upon one of those twinkling lights
  367. >you promised Bolly you'd be home tomorrow...
  368. "Braeburn."
  369. ~"Hm?"
  370. "Tell me about her."
  371. ~"About who?"
  372. "Your sweetheart."
  373. >a soft sigh escapes your companion
  374. ~"Her name is Black Bolly."
  375. "Is that right?"
  376. ~"Sure is. It's not her coat that's black, mind you. Her coat is white like that there moon up there. It's her mane that's black. It's like... volcanic glass."
  377. "She sounds like a very pretty mare."
  378. >though what you mean by "pretty mare" is probably somewhat different from what this smitten stallion would mean by it
  379. "Oh, she is. If you saw her at night, under that full moom up there, you'd almost think she was a... spirit of some sort."
  380. >you think back to your own Bolly
  381. >you've thought of her beauty in supernatural terms as well
  382. "I'm sure we will see her."
  383. >Braeburn doesn't answer
  384. >he only shakes his head
  385. "We still live."
  386. >in the encampment
  387. >a small head pokes its way out of one of the tents
  388. ~"Well, best be quiet if you're hoping to live any longer."
  389. >with careful steps a relatively small and slender buffalo makes her way out of her tent
  390. >it's that dark-eyed buffalo maiden!
  391. >with trepidation, she makes her way to the tent where you're bound
  392. >you stare her down with the same grim glare you gave to the braves
  393. >but still the maiden advances
  394. >soon she's examining your face up close with curious eyes
  395.  
  396. >"Are you really... a chingachgook?"
  397. "I am not."
  398. >she flinches at your harsh tone
  399. >but she gathers up her courage to ask another question
  400. >"What are you?"
  401. "I am a man."
  402. >the little buffalo frowns
  403. >"Mannish chief... but Tenderhoof does not know 'man.'"
  404. "You wouldn't. My friend Braeburn assures me that we aren't very common in these parts."
  405. >Tenderhoof looks at Braeburn, who is eyeing her with the same stony stare you are
  406. >and she looks back at you
  407. >"Why did you come here?"
  408. "My friend's mare was taken from him. We tracked the kidnappers to these grasslands."
  409. >Tenderhoof's eyes widen
  410. >"White mare? With black mane?"
  411. ~"Yes! Yes, that's her! Tell me, did you see her?"
  412. >"I saw her."
  413. >the buffalo maiden scowls
  414. >"Saw her with Jim Beam. Tenderhoof hates Jim Beam."
  415. ~"So do we, Tenderhoof. So do we."
  416. >"Jim Beam brings firewater. Makes father mean."
  417. >you take back something you thought earlier
  418. >this is very much like a dime-novel indeed!
  419. >you grasp the opportunity before you eagerly
  420. "If you'll let us go, child, we'll make sure Jim Beam never makes another barrel of firewater again."
  421. >that dusky-eyed buffalo maid's eyes grow in wonder
  422. >and she all but trips over herself rushing into the tent
  423. >first, Braeburn is able to stand on all four hooves again
  424. >then, you feel a set of teeth tugging at your bonds til at last they slip off
  425. >you pull your hands in front of you and gratefully rub your wrists
  426. "Free. We're free, Braeburn. To think we might have been held here for days."
  427. ~"And we haven't a moment to waste. Which way, Anon?"
  428. >you scan the clearing with eyes which you've trained by tracking the desert's craftiest mustangs through its darkest nights
  429. >looking for either your trail of broken grass-stalks, or some sign that ponies had been through the camp
  430. >you grin
  431. >looks like you won't be needing the trail back to the river after all
  432. >even with all the trampling the buffalo have done today, the distinctive trail of a small group of ponies is apparent on the far side of the camp
  433. "This way, partner."
  434. >you're about halfway to the trail when you realize you're being followed
  435. >and wheeling around, you see
  436. >Tenderhoof
  437. >smiling brightly up into your face
  438. "Ah, it appears we tried to leave without thanking you."
  439. >you kneel down to the buffalo maiden's eye-level
  440. "Thank you, Tenderhoof. There'll be no more firewater in your village, we promise."
  441. >"Tenderhoof wants to come with you."
  442. "What? Why ever would you? You're growing into a fine young cow; any of the braves in this village would be very lucky indeed to have you for a wife."
  443. >you don't actually know by what beauty standards buffalo cows are typically judged, but flattery tends to work with young girls
  444. >but Tenderhoof shakes her head
  445. >"Tenderhoof does not love any brave. Tenderhoof loves a chief. A great mannish chief."
  446. >something inside you groans
  447. >how like a dime-novel indeed!
  448. >Braeburn taps you on the shoulder
  449. ~"We don't have time to argue about it. Look there!"
  450. >a great, shaggy head is poking out of a tent and looking blearily around
  451. "Hell! We're going now. For the love of all that's good, Tenderhoof, please don't follow us!"
  452. >and so, without a second glance
  453. >you and Braeburn dash into the tall grass
  454.  
  455. >the journey through the grasslands is nerve-wracking
  456. >every dry stalk seems to hide a herd of buffalo behind it
  457. >but the grass thins out as the ground grows paler
  458. >when the sun rises over the horizon, a small ruby dot, you can see that the grasslands are turning to salt flats
  459. >eventually, a pale morning hangs over your head
  460. >and a snow white plain lies beneath your boots
  461. ~"Say, pard."
  462. "Yes, pard?"
  463. ~"You don't happen to see that old river anywhere with those horse-hunting eyes of yours, do you, pard?"
  464. "No, pard."
  465. ~"Shoot."
  466. >of course, you understand Braeburn's concern
  467. >the walk ahead might be tolerable with a few shady spots to rest at along the way
  468. >and without that, it would probably be fine with ready access to water
  469. >but you lost your canteen when you fell down the Grand Canyon
  470. >and Braeburn's hasn't been filled since you were following the river
  471. >returning to those buffalo-haunted grasslands is obviously not an option
  472. >fortunately, even Braeburn can make out the tracks that have been cracked through the salt crust on the ground ahead of you
  473. >unfortunately, even the ancient, squinty-eyed buffalo chief could make out the tracks you're cracking through the salt crust behind you, if he should choose to track you
  474. >you venture a step toward a jagged mountain range in the distance
  475. "There's no way out but forward."
  476. ~"Yup."
  477. >conversation dies as you trudge on across those barren, ivory fields
  478. >and the sun climbs higher
  479. >and gets hotter
  480. >it's a good thing, you reflect, that Tenderhoof ended up not following you
  481. >she was probably startled into inaction at the sight of her elder looking around, and just lost you as you dipped into the tall grass
  482. >a good thing, indeed
  483. >these flats are certainly no place for a young girl of any race, even a dusky-eyed buffalo maiden
  484. >the salt crunches underfoot like hot snow
  485. >the firmament overhead shades to a slightly more vibrant shade of blue as the sun approaches the apex of its daily journey
  486. >the mountains in the distance loom closer
  487. >but on foot, they're still hours away
  488. >nearer though, a smaller shape looms
  489. >you've been debating in your head whether it's real or just a mirage
  490. >it's hard to tell
  491. ~"Say, Anon."
  492. "Yes?"
  493. ~"Let's ask the folks in that tent up there if they'll spare any water for us."
  494. >it's real then
  495. "They could be buffalo or rustlers or somesuch."
  496. ~"I know, partner. If it comes down to that, well, it's better to fall in a fight than it is to fall under this heat."
  497. >several long minutes later, the pair of you trudge up to the tent
  498. "Why, but there's nobody here."
  499. >Braeburn already has his nose in the tent
  500. ~"There's canteens in the tent. I hate to be a water-thief, but…"
  501. "Better a water-thief than sun-bleached bones."
  502. ~"Exactly."
  503. >"I reckon y'all kin be both."
  504. >before you have a chance to identify the third party
  505. >a lasso falls around your neck
  506. >and you're yanked to the ground by it
  507.  
  508. >"They said you'd be comin' with a monster, Braeburn. Didn't think he'd be such a big, ugly brute, ahuh."
  509. "Why, I ought to-"
  510. >you'd been crawling to your hands and knees
  511. >but a quick yank with the rope put an end to that
  512. >to think you'd be the first man who was lassoed by a horse!
  513. ~"Ringo Lariat! When you cleared town, even I didn't think you were low enough to fall in with rustlers."
  514. >somebody spits, but with a faceful of salt and sand, you can't tell who
  515. ~"Guess I was wrong."
  516. >"Ahuh, I reckon ya were. Thirty bits a month buckin' apples for you just don't beat rustlin' 'em for Beam. It's a simple mathematics."
  517. ~"So what are you gonna do, Lariat? Your rope is already on my partner, and you never could stand up to me in a fair fight."
  518. >"I reckon I could take you right about now."
  519. ~"Oh, you'll fight a tired, thirsty traveller, will you, you coward? And just what would you prove by that?"
  520. >another spit
  521. >"Wait right here."
  522. >you look up in time to see the lasso being secured around a tent stake
  523. >and your captor disappears inside the tent
  524. >immediately, you move to the simple task of untying yourself
  525. >no doubt Ringo Lariat never caught a quarry with fingers before!
  526. ~"Hold it, partner."
  527. "Why, whatever for? Now's our chance to escape, isn't it?"
  528. ~"We need that water if we want to make it to the other side of the salt flats."
  529. "And how do you intend to get the water?"
  530. ~"The outlaw doesn't live who doesn't dream of being the stallion who whipped Braeburn."
  531. >Lariat emerges from the tent and tosses Braeburn a canteen
  532. ~"One for my pard too."
  533. >"Ahuh, let's see how this fight goes before we see about givin' water to monsters."
  534. "Beam's more a monster than Anonymous here."
  535. >Lariat doesn't answer
  536. >Braeburn takes a long draft of water, and seems instantly reinvigorated
  537. >your partner drops the canteen onto the salt
  538. >and glares at his adversary
  539. ~"It's your tent, Lariat. We'll start this thing whenever you're ready to."
  540. >"Wal, I reckon I'm ready…"
  541. >the outlaw claws at the ground
  542. >and charges
  543. >"Now!"
  544. >Braeburn kicks the canteen, and dodges Lariat's charge with a leap to the side
  545. >the precious water-vessel lands directly at your feet
  546. >this does not go unnoticed by Lariat
  547. >he makes a lunge for the water
  548. >"I said, no water for the-"
  549. >in a flash, it's all over
  550. >Braeburn leaps upon his distracted enemy
  551. >and Ringo Lariat is pinned to the ground
  552. ~"Now, I think we saw how this fight went. Anon, help yourself."
  553. >you grasp the lasso around your neck and loosen it like a necktie
  554. >"Why, but that's a fearsome monster you've got there!"
  555. ~"Quiet, you rustler."
  556. >having slipped free of the rope, you stoop down for the water and take a long, grateful drink
  557. "A bit warm, but I feel strong enough now to run to those mountains and throw them! But tell me, pard, there's just one thing I'm wondering. What are you going to do with that there rustler?"
  558. ~"That's a fine question, pard. Tell me, what is it they do to rustlers and kidnappers in your America?"
  559. >you quickly prepare a nice little line about hanging
  560. >but you never get a chance to utter it
  561. >Lariat gives a cry of wrath and begins to struggle beneath Braeburn's grasp
  562. >"Kidnapper?! I'll own to rustlin' your trees, Braeburn, but I ain't never been a party to no kidnappin' my whole life!"
  563. ~"Oh no? I've had fully half a dozen eye witnesses tell me they saw a posse of Jim Beam's thugs make off with my sweetheart just two nights ago."
  564. >"Your sweetheart? But say, isn't that…"
  565. >the ghostly-white stallion shakes Braeburn off his back with a roar and a leap
  566. >"Black Bolly! So that's why they sent me away from the hideout to wait for you!"
  567. >the enraged outlaw rears and throws his coal-black mane to the wind
  568. >"As if I'd be a party to the kidnappin' of my own sister!"
  569.  
  570. >Lariat ended up giving you that water
  571. >and now, on the other side of the salt flats, he stands with you and Braeburn
  572. >"There's a hidden pass in that there bluff. It'll take you straight to the hideout."
  573. >the white outlaw bows his head
  574. >"I'll go in irons or whatever you want after this is all said and done, but in the meanwhile, Braeburn, let me go with you."
  575. >Braeburn tilts his head
  576. ~"Punishment? Whatever for? And why wouldn't we want you to come with us?"
  577. >Lariat frowns
  578. >"I'm a rustler, plain and simple. And thanks to my foolishness, my own sister has been dragged off into the desert by a pony I called boss. I've been a right scoundrel, and I'll put myself in irons for it if noone else will."
  579. ~"Rustler?"
  580. >Braeburn looks at you
  581. ~"Anon, do you see any rustlers around here?"
  582. >you shake your head
  583. "No. I only see the stallion who gave us to drink when we thirsted and led us straight to the outlaws we were after. A good pony, I'm sure."
  584. >"Shoot, fellars. You mean all that?"
  585. ~"Sure we do, Ringo. We're almost family now, you know, and family sticks together. Besides, my poor Bolly would be terribly upset if her brother wasn't at her wedding."
  586. >Lariat starts
  587. >"So it's settled then! You're marryin' my sister!"
  588. >you lose track of the stallions' joyous conversation as a pang shoots through your heart
  589. >you told Bolly Benson you'd marry her the next time you see her
  590. >but when will you see her?
  591. >with no reccolection of how you came to this strange land, how can you ever return home to her?
  592. >and, with the papers proving Jim Dene's guilt doubtless blowing around the bottom of the Grand Canyon, what will become of her father's ranch?
  593. >but even as you think on your troubles, your keen horse hunter's eyes are at work
  594. >and there, seemingly from the solid rock of the bluff
  595. >the unmistakable sight of an equine muzzle
  596. "Say! We're being watched!"
  597. >the nose slips away even as you point to it
  598. >your companions' gazes follow your finger, and Lariat snorts
  599. >"Why, that's where the hidden pass is! We've been spotted!"
  600. >the three of you dash to the opening of the pass
  601. >but there's no sign of your ominous watcher
  602. "Say, Braeburn?"
  603. ~"Yes, Anon?"
  604. "Do we have a plan for storming an outlaw stronghold where we're expected?"
  605. ~"A fairly simple one. You're a big, frightening fellow, so you tussle with the bulk of the outlaws. There's not too many of them, are there, Lariat?"
  606. >"There was maybe a dozen or so when I was last there."
  607. "If they're all as small as you two, that should be fine."
  608. >"Frightenin' fellar indeed."
  609. ~"All right. From there, I ensure that Beam doesn't escape, and Lariat makes off with Black Bolly."
  610. >Lariat coughs
  611. >"Ah, wouldn't it be more appropriate if you were the one to elope with Bolly, bein' her sweetheart and all?"
  612. ~"I'm the leader of the posse. I can't be the one to run off."
  613. "Oh, come off it, Braeburn. She's your betrothed; it's only fitting that you whisk her off into the sunset. It's a better ending for the story, if you will."
  614. >Braeburn sighs
  615. ~"All right, fine, but only because there's no time to argue. Come on, we have to get there before they have time to lay a trap!"
  616. >and with that
  617. >the three of you disappear into the jagged mountain range
  618.  
  619. >in all your years of wild horse-hunting, you never dreamed to see the day when you'd outrun galloping horses
  620. >but the stubby-legged ponies lag slightly behind you as you take long, powerful strides down the mountain pass
  621. >the outlaws are going to act fast once they learn of your presence
  622. >so you have to get to their camp even faster
  623. >the pass widens out into a veritable chasm
  624. >and there, directly ahead of you, a small herd of desperadoes rushes forward to form a defensive line
  625. >instinctively, you lower your center of gravity
  626. >outstretch your arms
  627. >and speed up
  628. >cries of "Monster!" bounce into the chasm walls as you make your approach
  629. >and then
  630. >impact
  631. >the little ponies didn't stand a chance against a hurtling, athletic, American man
  632. >Braeburn shouts a quick thanks as he and Lariat dash past you
  633. >you attempt to go after them
  634. >but already, the outlaws are rising to their hooves and grappling with your legs
  635. >soon, you're striving merely to stand up against the writhing mass of hide and hooves
  636. >roping buffalo on the plains wasn't half so vigorous an excercise as wrestling with a dozen Equestrian outlaws at once!
  637. >but, though you can't follow your companions on foot, you can at least follow them in gaze
  638. >or, rather, occasional glances in their direction
  639. >at the other end of the chasm, a big, nasty-looking stallion clutches a rope between his teeth, which loops around the neck of an impressive white mare
  640. >the outlaw, doubtless Jim Beam himself, tugs on the rope, doubtless trying to lead his prisoner to some secret exit
  641. >but the proud mare, who must be Black Bolly, tugs back with all her might at the sight of her rushing rescuers
  642. >Bolly manages to slow down Beam just enough...
  643. >Ringo Lariat pounces on Jim Beam
  644. >Braeburn races to the aid of his sweetheart, loosening the lasso from her neck and taking the time to exchange what looks to be a few sweet words with her
  645. >but Beam manages to throw Lariat from his back
  646. >Lariat shouts something at Braeburn
  647. >Braeburn shouts something back
  648. >and then
  649. >he and Bolly come racing back in your direction
  650. >a few desperadoes reach out for them as they pass, but you manage to restrain the grasping hooves
  651. >now, since it seems Braeburn and Black Bolly managed to escape
  652. >how do you do the same?
  653. >a glance at Lariat proves disheartening
  654. >it seems that Beam managed to overpower him
  655. >Lariat now sits tied to a tent-stake
  656. >worse still, Jim Beam is now charging for you
  657. >Beam is abnormally large for an Equestrian pony - about the size of an American pack-pony, by your estimate
  658. >you could wrestle him on your own
  659. >but with a dozen desperadoes on his side, it's too much
  660. >you're shoved to the ground
  661. >someone starts to stick a lasso over your head, but Beam interjects
  662. >"No, no, no. Get them lassos over them thar claws of his. He'll be able to untie himself otherwise."
  663. "You're smart for an outlaw."
  664. >"An' you're talkative for a monster."
  665. >the outlaws manage to get ropes on your wrist and roughly drag you to the camp
  666. >at Beam's direction, the ropes are tied to tent-stakes on opposite sides of you, forcing you to lie spread-eagle on your back
  667. >"Wal... a turncoat an' a monster. An' your little farmer friend left you behind."
  668. >neither you nor Lariat deigns to dignify Beam with a response
  669. >"Ahuh, strong an' silent types, eh? Wal, it's startin' to get dark out, so I reckon I'll just leave you two brick walls outside for the night. We'll figger out what to do with you tomorrow."
  670. >the outlaw lets a menacing pause hang in the air
  671. >"I'm thinkin' mebbe I leave you out on the salt flats, check up on you in a week or so."
  672. >the gang of rustlers laughs at this
  673. >and over the desert, darkness falls
  674.  
  675. >the outlaws, bootleggers and apple rustlers, proceeded with their evening in much the way you expected
  676. >that is, whiskey, cider, and violence til the instant their boss ordered lights out
  677. >and now, in the silent desert night
  678. >the desperadoes sleep like the dead
  679. >but out of that still darkness
  680. >a voice
  681. >"Anonymous, you asleep yet?"
  682. "How could I possibly sleep like this, Lariat?"
  683. >that's not, of course, to say that you aren't tired
  684. >two days of wandering this strange desert
  685. >two nights of sleepless captivity
  686. >you've hardly an ounce of strength left
  687. >all the same, sleep is impossible while you're stretched out on this rocky chasm floor
  688. >"I figured you couldn't."
  689. >breathing is beginning to hurt
  690. >"I sure couldn't."
  691. "I bet you couldn't."
  692. >"Say, pard, you got a plan for gettin' out of here?"
  693. "Beam is a fool. His own plan will be enough to get us out of here."
  694. >"You mean leavin' us tied up on the salt flats?"
  695. "Sure. Once Braeburn gets your sister to safety, he's sure to come back for us."
  696. >"Safety? You mean like Appleoosa?"
  697. "If that's the nearest town, then yes."
  698. >"Two day's walk from here to Appleoosa."
  699. >a pause hangs in that still, dark night
  700. >"Two day's walk back, too."
  701. >four days
  702. "I don't know."
  703. >"Don't know what?"
  704. "I don't know."
  705. >you stare up into the brilliant, cloudless sky for a long time
  706. >but out of that starlit silence
  707. >a voice
  708. >"Say, Anonymous."
  709. "What is it?"
  710. >"There's a buffalo sneakin' into the camp."
  711. "A buffalo?"
  712. >you strain your neck to look, but can't get a good view of anything on the ground
  713. "What's it look like?"
  714. >"Small. Why, it's a little buffalo maiden!"
  715. >Tenderhoof!
  716. >in all America, the only man who could move more silently than a wild horse hunter is an Indian
  717. >you have a feeling that in Equestria, the same may hold true for the amber-eyed buffalo maiden
  718. "Be quiet, she's a friend."
  719. >"A friend?"
  720. "A friend, I'm sure of it."
  721. >you stare into the starry sky for a little while more
  722. >and then, in the darkness
  723. >something severs the ropes
  724.  
  725. >you sit up and rub your wrists gratefully
  726. >sure enough, the little buffalo maid Tenderhoof stands next to you with adoring eyes
  727. >casting your glance over in Lariat's direction, you see Braeburn helping him get the lasso off of his neck
  728. >everyone freed at last, the four of you take a moment to exchange silent smiles
  729. >and you steal from the outlaw camp without detection
  730. >beyond the mountain pass, the salt flats, lit by the moon, appear as white and alien as the surface of that celestial body which now graces them with silver light
  731. ~"I suppose I owe you two an explanation for why I didn't come sooner."
  732. >you exchange a glance with Lariat
  733. "I thought the rescue seemed timely enough."
  734. >but Braeburn continues on as though he hadn't heard you
  735. ~"My only thought was for Bolly. I'd almost forgotten I'd left you behind."
  736. >"Wal, I certainly hope you got my sister someplace safe before stormin' a rustler hideout."
  737. ~"Alas, no. Bolly thought of you as soon as we reached the grasslands, and refused to go another step til I came up with a plan to rescue you."
  738. >"That's when Tenderhoof found them!"
  739. >the little buffalo maid kicks at the earth
  740. >"Tenderhoof wanted to see great mannish chief again..."
  741. >Braeburn nods
  742. ~"And a plan was formed."
  743. >Lariat begins to scowl
  744. >"Now wait a minute, if Bolly wouldn't go home, then..."
  745. ~"Oh, she's hiding around here somewhere."
  746. >a sweet, soft voice emanates from nowhere
  747. /"I'm not hiding."
  748. >no, not nowhere
  749. >it's difficult to make her out against the eerie, ivory salt flats
  750. >but there, standing just behind Braeburn
  751. >a breathtaking white mare, with a mane like volcanic glass
  752. /"You just didn't see me."
  753. >Braeburn about-faces rapidly
  754. >and Black Bolly smiles
  755. ~"Well, I reckon I'll just have to never let you out of my sight again."
  756. /"Oh, come off it for a moment. We'll have plenty of time for romance once I've properly thanked the rest of my rescuers."
  757. >Black Bolly trots past Braeburn to stand before Ringo Lariat
  758. >a pair of white phantoms in the moonlight, brother and sister press their necks together in what you assume is the Equestrian equivalent of a warm embrace
  759. /"Will you be... staying in town for a while, Ringo?"
  760. >"I reckon I'll have to, what with my sister's weddin' comin' up soon."
  761. >the two of them smile into each other's faces for a bit
  762. >then, Black Bolly approaches you
  763. /"Now, Mr. Anonymous, what manner of creature are you exactly?"
  764. "Me? Why, I am a man."
  765. /"I'll have to tell my foals stories about the friendly man who saved me, then."
  766. >Braeburn guffaws joyously at that
  767. ~"Foals!"
  768. >but Bolly's smile fades
  769. >and she looks at you in a way that makes you feel...
  770. >homesick
  771. /"But say, don't you think it's about time you went home to your own Bolly?"
  772. >it never occurs to you to ask how she knows about your Bolly
  773. >your only thought is to exclaim your desire
  774. "How I wish I could!"
  775. >without a word, the ethereal white mare smiles
  776. >and rears on her hind hooves enchantingly
  777.  
  778. >the next thing you know, all is dark
  779. >no, not dark
  780. >your eyes are just closed
  781. >upon their opening, you see that you're high up on some sort of narrow, rocky ledge
  782. >the last traces of a rosy sunrise linger in the morning sky over the rim of the Grand Canyon, which is, surprisingly, above you
  783. >a broken thorn bush pricks your back from beneath you
  784. >other than that, however, you feel remarkably refreshed
  785. >a snort from behind catches your attention
  786. >the ledge seems to incline upwards behind you, seemingly leading all the way up and out of the Canyon
  787. >somewhat above you, Braeburn eyes you curiously
  788. >but there's something strange about him
  789. "Why, Braeburn, you've grown gigantic!"
  790. >the tawny stallion whinnies happily
  791. "But say, couldn't you... talk?"
  792. >your prized mustang shakes his head and snorts
  793. "No... it was a dream then."
  794. >slowly, you rise to your feet
  795. "But what a dream it was, Braeburn! You were there!"
  796. >the intelligent animal's eyes sparkle
  797. "But of course you were there, weren't you, you faithful old beast?"
  798. >somewhere overhead, a bird of prey cries out
  799. >the rich, red rock of the Grand Canyon sparkles in the sunlight
  800. >and the mighty Colorado, small as a babbling brook from this height, continues on its ruddy way far below
  801. "But say, was it only that? A dream? I wonder..."
  802. >Braeburn whinnies loudly and lowers his head
  803. >what is he, gesturing at something?
  804. >following the direction the tawny mustang's snout is pointing in, you notice something lying at your feet
  805. >the papers
  806. >undisturbed and intact, the papers
  807. >the papers proving Jim Dene's guilt!
  808. "We haven't a moment to lose, Braeburn! I promised Bolly I'd be home today at the latest!"
  809. >the stallion snorts, seemingly satisfied
  810. >you hastily mount the powerful steed
  811. >he knows what to do before you tell him
  812. >and the two of you are racing out of the Canyon
  813. "Hyar, Braeburn! We'll see that Jim Dene in irons yet!"

Horse Confessions

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Anon Tried to Kill Himself

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Rubehog Day: Ruby Destination (/pone/ CYOA)

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The Skintrotter

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Legend of the Wandering Autist

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