The Ticking

 

"Ah, sorry. Didn't see you there."

"Holy shit!"

"Holy shit!"

"Holy fuck!"

"Hey, the princess needs me in Canterlot yesterday. Can we take off now?"

"Go, scalenigger, go!"

"Th-thanks."

 

"Hey! I need to get in there!"

"Yeah."

/"Anon, you're here. It's good to see you. Please, have a seat. We'll get started in a moment."

"Y-yeah. Sure."

/"Okay. To my friends, my fellow princesses, and the pillars, you all are here because, once again, I'm faced with a difficult decision and I need your advice."

/"To the nine non-ponies in the room, you all are here because the decision I am faced with directly concerns all non-ponies, and you nine are the non-ponies I know best. And Sandbar, of course, is here because whatever concerns his friends concerns him as well."

/"The mare you see behind me was apprehended today after destroying the School of Friendship. Nocreature was killed, but my dear friend Starlight Glimmer is in critical condition at Ponyville General Hospital."

<"She was my friend too."

/"The story this mare has to tell you all is somewhat fantastical in nature. Unfortunately, however, I have not yet found any reason to disbelieve it. When she's told you everything, we will make our decision."

 

<"In short, I am Princess Twilight Sparkle from about 200 years into the future. It hurt me, more than you know, to attack the School of Friendship, but…"

<"It had to be done. To save Equestria."

<"Ah, to put it… delicately… the Equestria where I come from is a place where ponies only make up about 40% of the population."

<"That's just it, Sandbar. The thing is, most creatures, whether they're yaks or gryphons or changelings… or even ponies… most of them can never really understand the finer points of friendship. I've learned this the hard way."

<"I mean… there are aspects of friendship that can't really be taught in a school. Finer points that you just can't outline in some lesson plan. You have to feel it for yourself. Everycreature in this room understands it pretty well, but most… well, let me put it to you this way. Cozy Glow was a student at the School of Magic."

/"How… how… how dare you-"

<"It's true. And you know it. I'm the proof. The Equestria I've just come from has been completely torn apart by civil war."

<"In short, the non-ponies want the ponies out of Equestria."

<"I don't know why. I used to think like Sandbar, that it didn't matter where a creature came from. But I wasn't listening. One day, a yak was trampling foals. The next, a mob of niriks was setting fire to Fillydelphia."

<"No. There haven't been any kirins in my Equestria for decades. They're all niriks, all the time. They just got so angry. Everycreature just got so angry. It started with brawls. Then there were riots. And then, there was a war."

<"I don't know how it started. I probably just wasn't paying attention. One day, there was just an army of non-ponies based out of the Everfree Forest, and they started taking land for themselves. Next, the Black Forest seceded from Equestria, and they started conquering land as well, kicking out all the non-ponies wherever they went. Most of those fled to the Everfree Forest."

<"It's been 10 long, hard years. All that's left of Equestria is Canterlot and Ponyville. And Ponyville is constantly under siege from the Everfree Forest. And the Black Forest is slowly losing ground to the non-ponies. In short, Equestria is finished. In a few decades, ponies will be finished. I came here to change that."

"But you didn't change it. You're still here, so your future hasn't changed yet."

<"That's right. My best guess is, in the timeline as it is now, the School of Friendship will be rebuilt. That is a mistake. The School of Friendship is the number one gateway for non-ponies into Equestria, and will be so for decades to come. It needs to stay gone to prevent the civil war."

"Ahem! I have a question!"

"Why didn't you just go back to 10 years ago and convince yourself not to found the school in the first place? It seems like the best way to fix the future, with minimal tears in the present."

<"I… I couldn't. I just couldn't erase it completely! The school did so much good at first. Those six creatures sitting next to you… Graduates from the School of Friendship really did succeed in teaching their homelands about friendship! The Dragonlands and Griffonstone especially benefitted from the school!"

"But Equestria didn't."

 

"Look. I know first-hand what future-Twilight is talking about. I came from a multi-racial society too."

"And Twilight. Twilights. I've explained it to you before. Things weren't quite as bad as civil war yet, but they were sliding downhill fast. And I have a lot more in common with a non-White human than you do with a non-pony creature."

"I'm telling you, there's a crisis on the way, and you have an opportunity to stop it that my world never had. You have magic. You have time travel spells. You can go back in time and nip this problem before it has a chance to get started. You can go back and tell yourself to never found the school in the first place."

<"Humans never really get to be an issue. Anon dies in about 50 years without ever reproducing, and that's the end of humans in this world."

"And, and, and that's a good example of how this crisis is gonna work. I'm just one guy, and I can't single-handedly change this place. But if there were millions of humans running around, that would be horrible for this place. Again, Twilights, I've told you about some of the philosophies that were popular in the world I grew up with. Nihilism, cynicism, hedonism. And you couldn't understand what the fuck I was talking about. But if there were millions of humans here, these ideas would start to effect ponies. And this whole high-trust friendship society that ponies have created would die."

 

"I bet that's about what happened, isn't it? Nobody trusts anyone, and nobody believes in friendship anymore, right?"

<"That's about right. I won't necessarily claim to know why, though."

"Well I'll take a guess. You've got all these different creatures, with their different cultures and beliefs that sprung up to suit their needs in their homelands, and they're all clashing here in Equestria. Take… take dragons, for example. Take that Hearth's Warming tale they've got."

"Okay, Feast of Fire tale. That one story about the dragon who overthrows the Dragon Lord for being nice to her. Does that story make any sense to anyone here who didn't grow up in the Dragonlands?"

"Well, that's what dragons grow up with. That's what little dragon hatchlings are taught to believe while they're growing up."

"Okay, well you're one dragon. Suppose there's another dragon who does still think like that. Suppose he's a fully-grown dragon. You know, one of those ancient fuckers who's older than Equestria and big enough to swallow a yak whole. Suppose he moves to Equestria and gets it into his head that Princess Twilight is just like the Dragon Lord from that story. He could cause some pretty big problems, yeah?"

<"Inferno the Black. He did cause some big problems."

"Here's what I'm getting at. The more foreigners you let into Equestria, the less they're going to respect pony culture. The less they're going to respect ponies in general. That's what kills trust. That's what kills friendship."

"And that's what kills Twilight."

"Twilight. Present-Twilight. We're still friends, right? You still think of me as a friend, don't you?"

/"Of course. Of course you're my friend, Anon."

"That's good. I'm glad. I like to think of you as my friend too. And I don't want her-"

"To be you. You deserve better than that."

"We're all Twilight's friends, aren't we? Does anyone want our Twilight to turn into that future-Twilight? Look at her. She's only a little over 200 years old, and already she looks three times older than Celestia over there, clocking in at a little over 2000."

"Look. I'm not gonna be alive in 200 years. I'm not gonna have any descendants in 200 years. My only stake in what happens 200 years from now is Twilight. I want her to be happy for a long, long time. We all want that, right?"

"All right. So let's have future-Twilight go back in time to stop the school from being built. It's the most peaceful way, and the most sure way, to keep Equestria a land of friendship for centuries to come."

<"Well, I can't actually go back in time myself right now. My horn was cracked when I was… apprehended. I can't safely use that kind of magic right now."

/"You… you said that in a few decades from your time, ponies would be finished, right?"

/"Could you teach me the time travel spell you used?"

<"I'm afraid you're still a bit young for the particular spell that I used."

<"That's true. You could cast it."

<"Of course."

/"Do it."

"You shouldn't have to. While they're discussing the spell… I'll… I'll think of something."

/"With the spell I've just cast, everycreature in this room will retain their memories of the past 10 years."

/"I want you six especially to remember everything you've learned, and to stay friends, okay? Don't give up on friendship. There's still so much we all need to learn from you."

^"Stop! Do not cast that spell!"

 

^"I'm Twilight Sparkle from 150 years into the future. The instant you committed to casting that spell, the timeline changed, and let me tell you right now, it isn't any better."

<"But if the timeline changed, then... you should be me! I should be you!"

^"Not with that cracked horn you got there. The time-travel spell finished without you, and the timeline changed without you. You never made it back to the future. Instead, you spent the next ten years slowly - and painfully - fading away into nothing... just like you deserve."

<"Oh... is that all?"

^"No will to live. You're pathetic."

/"You look like you've been practicing dark magic."

^"You would too, in my horseshoes. Actually, you will, when you get around to wearing them."

/"What future could possibly be so bad that I'd do such a thing?"

^"War. From the outside, not the inside."

<"But Equestria can hold its own against a foreign power. That can't be nearly as bad as a civil war."

^"Can Equestria hold its own against Griffonstone, the Dragonlands, the New Changeling Hive, and the Buffalo Nation?"

^"Okay, so it started when a gryphon named Gizzard discovered the Lost Treasure of Griffonstone and became king. The first thing he wanted to do was restore the old 'glory' of Griffonstone, and he figured that Equestria had enough glory to share some, if you know what I mean. In the meanwhile, Ember was growing more and more unpopular with the dragons every year for being too 'pony-like.' When she ordered the Dragonlands to help Equestria, she was overthrown by a dragon named Inferno the Black, who proceeded to order the dragons to help the griffons instead. Around this time, some royal eggs that Chrysalis had hidden before her fall matured into queens and set about spawning a hive. The first thing they did was destroy Thorax's hive. Then they moved in on Equestria. Finally, one or more of these foreign powers managed to agitate the buffalo herds out west into seceding from Eqeustria and attacking the border settlements."

<"That's funny. There was a Buffalo Nation in my timeline too."

^"Let me guess. You signed off on the secession yourself?"

^"So you see why I needed the power-boost dark magic has to offer."

^"I've had to take thousands of lives myself already."

^"You didn't teach me to be a lot of things. But maybe that's why you were assasinated at a phony peace summit at Griffonstone, and I survived."

/"But... I was going to enable everycreature here to keep their memories. My students... they should have been able to spread friendship in their homelands."

^"Believe it or not, they tried. But let's be real here. After the way you kicked them out of Equestria, they only half-believed what they were saying themselves."

/"We... won though, right?"

^"Would I have come here if we did? Even with dark magic, I'm only one alicorn. Equestria has fallen. Ponies are a slave race."

^"Remind me, in your timeline, did any foreign powers end up declaring war on you?"

<"No. Like I said, the School of Friendship really did a lot of good. The Dragonlands, Griffonstone, even those queens Chrysalis spawned, they all came to officially embrace friendship in their own ways. They even offered assistance Equestria during our civil war. Or, they did at first, anyway."

^"Well, there you have it. Rebuild the school, and the war never happens."

"But... if you rebuild the school, the civil war happens."

^"Very astute of you, Anon. Especially after that time you created my timeline, by convincing me to prevent the school from being built. Yep, those are our options. Equestria can fall in a war, or it can fall in a civil war."

/"Let Equestria be torn apart by hate from without or hate from within? Those aren't options at all!"

^"Well, Anon knows of a third option. It's the first thing he would think of if this were happening on his world."

"What? Third option? There really isn't one."

"Nothing... practical anyway."

"I mean... the other thing I can think of... and it's completely insane, mind you... it would be... um..."

^"Yes...?"

"Well... you'd... kind of have to wipe out every non-pony on the planet, wouldn't you?"

^"That's a wonderful idea, Anon! I'll get started on it right away!"

 

^"Y… you cracked my horn!"

^"I'm gonna be trapped in the past! I'm gonna fade! Why? Why? Celestia-"

^"I don't have time! I've got maybe 10 years to live now!"

^"Starlight… maybe…"

/"But… what is the right choice?"

/"Let's take a break, everycreature. This has all been a lot more to take in than any of us expected. We'll meet back in here in, say, twenty minutes."

 

"I figured you weren't actually taking a break."

/"Well, you were right. I'm kind of busy right now, Anon."

"It's the least I can do to help you out here. You know, since that new timeline is kind of my fault."

/"It wasn't your fault, Anon."

"Maybe. But I bet you could use someone with my unique perspective anyway."

/"What?"

"You know, with the looming demographic crisis and all."

/"I think I liked you better 13 years ago, when you were too shy to offer me any help."

"Should have thought about that before showing me that whole 'friendship' thing."

/"Apparently."

"Come on. When's the last time we had a chance to talk, just the two of us?"

/"I don't remember the last time I had a chance to talk with anyone all alone. That's just not how being the princess works."

"Just show me what you're working on."

/"I'm just compiling some statistics."

"I love stats."

/"You hate stats."

"Twilight."

/"Okay, fine. So, donkeys and mules are lumped into one demographic category, and they make up the largest non-pony population in Equestria. Donkeys and mules make up about 5% of Equestria's population, all spread out fairly evenly across the land."

"All right."

/"In second place comes buffalo, at about 3% of the population. They're mostly concentrated out west. Conflicts sometimes happen, but those could probably be minimized by putting a halt to westward expansion."

"You're probably right."

/"And in third place is cattle. They're about 2% of the population, mostly centered around Ponyville."

"So thus far you've got a 10% foreign population."

/"No, not quite. Donkeys, buffalo, and cattle were all native to these lands before ponies first settled Equestria. Really, there's a 1% foreign population, consisting of gryphons, dragons, yaks, etcetera, concentrated in Ponyville and Canterlot."

"Which leaves you with an 89% pony population."

/"A 99% Equestrian population."

"Sure, but still an 89% pony population."

/"89% isn't so bad, is it? You saw statistics like that back on Earth, right? That's not really a crisis, is it?"

"No, it's not quite a crisis yet. But you'll definitely start noticing problems around this point, if you're paying attention."

/"Not so many problems. Cattle, donkeys, and mules are all perfectly integrated with Equestrian society. Like I said, buffalo are still involved in conflicts sometimes, but they're mostly concentrated in areas where ponies mostly aren't."

"What about the other non-ponies?"

/"At 1% of the population? How many problems could they be causing at this stage?"

"Enough for things to snowball out of control in 150 to 200 years, apparently. You have any figures on how things are with them in Ponyville and Canterlot specifically?"

/"Eh… no. Not here, anyways."

"Things probably aren't as good as they should be."

/"Well, maybe not. What I need is a solution."

"Okay. So, re-opening the school and leaving the gates wide open to foreigners will lead to a civil war in 200 years."

/"But going back in time to prevent the school from being built will lead to a foreign war in 150 years. And at this point, outright closing our borders against our allies could very well sow tensions that could erupt into a war somewhere down the line as well."

"Why do I get the feeling that you already figured out the solution before I walked in here?"

/"I figured out a solution, not the solution. I don't like it."

"Well what is it?"

/"We leave the School of Friendship destroyed. That's it. Hopefully, the school has already instilled foreign powers with enough respect for friendship and ponies to avert a war in the future."

"But at the same time, there's not much incentive for anyone to immigrate to Equestria without the school, right?"

/"I hate this. The School of Friendship represents my life's work to me."

"Yeah, but think about it like this. We know that it's going to work."

/"How can you know that?"

"Well, if it doesn't work, then we would have gotten a third future-you by now, right?"

/"Maybe…"

/"Or maybe I just don't get a chance to cast the time-travel spell before something happens to me. Maybe things just fall apart before I'm strong enough to cast it!"

"What? No. No, it's gotta work. How could the school shutting down possibly speed things up?"

/"You're probably right, but… there's just no way to know for sure."

"It's gotta work, Twilight. It's got to."

 

/"Excuse me, everycreature. Excuse me. We're going to get started again."

/"Ah, where are Gallus and Smoulder?"

/"Oh dear. What about Smoulder?"