4978 27.77 KB 577
The Caretaker
By Writefag_RouletteCreated: 2021-07-16 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-01-20 19:13:11
Expiry: Never
-
1.
Dedicated to the /mlpol/ frens who welcomed /pone/ refugees during the 8chan Shoah, and their weird Anon Filly meme.
-
2.
- 3.
- 4.
-
5.
-
6.
Disclaimer: Apparently somebody copied this story and put it into the jewgle doc for some general on /mlp/. Just to clear things up on that front, I had nothing to do with that, don't post in that general, and haven't posted on /mlp/ since 2014.
-
7.
-
8.
>you are known throughout Equestria as Anonymous the Man
-
9.
>in the years since you've arrived in this strange world, you've been:
-
10.
>a scholar
-
11.
>a hero
-
12.
>a cowboy
-
13.
>a scientist
-
14.
>a gunslinger
-
15.
>an archaeologist
-
16.
>a pirate
-
17.
>a craftsman
-
18.
>and much, much more
-
19.
>okay, all of those points are somewhat exaggerated
-
20.
>the point is, you've lived a little
-
21.
>the point is, you're a grown ass man
-
22.
>the point is
-
23.
"Twilight, I do not need a babysitter."
-
24.
>by a stupendous fuckup of magic, you've been transformed into a small filly
-
25.
>oddly enough, this isn't the first time something like this has happened in your journeys
-
26.
>but this time, it's Twilight's fault
-
27.
^"Anon, we're already on the train for the Crystal Empire, and I really need to get started on this adventure. Just… try not to think of Flurry Heart as a babysitter. Think of her as… a caretaker. For your time of need."
-
28.
"I can take care of myself."
-
29.
^"And how are you planning on eating? I think you've fairly well proven that you can't cook with those hooves."
-
30.
"There's takeout."
-
31.
^"On whose bits?"
-
32.
>you snort
-
33.
>princess of a whole damn town
-
34.
>somehow can't spare the bits for a weekend's meals
-
35.
>for the guy she turned into a helpless filly
-
36.
^"Everything's gonna be just fine, Anon. You'll see. Just one weekend with Flurry Heart, then in a year the potion to turn you back will be ready, and then-"
-
37.
"A year?! A whole damn fuckcuntering shitniggering fagtastic year?! When were you planning on telling me this?"
-
38.
^"Anon, changing someone's species, sex, or age, even temporarily, it's pretty complex magic. To do all three at the same time, and have the effects be permanent? It takes a little time."
-
39.
>Twilight eyes you wearily
-
40.
^"And because you didn't want to go quite back to your natural age, it's even more complicated."
-
41.
>you throw up your hands
-
42.
>hooves
-
43.
>fuck
-
44.
"I mean, shit, if we just so happen to be changing my age anyway, I wouldn't mind being 20 again. What's so wrong with that?"
-
45.
>Twilight rolls her eyes
-
46.
"Oh, what do you know? You're gonna stay 17 forever."
-
47.
>your purple riding companion's face does that scrunchy thing that ponies sometimes do
-
48.
^"I was 19 when I ascended.
-
49.
>awkward silence reigns over the desolate train car
-
50.
>the other passengers moved to other cars some time ago
-
51.
>Twilight sniffs
-
52.
^"You know, the spell I messed up was designed to find you and bring you to me. I knew I had this adventure coming up and I wanted to see you first."
-
53.
>your eyelid twitches involuntarily
-
54.
"And…?"
-
55.
^"And…"
-
56.
>Twilight sticks her nose in the air
-
57.
^"None of this would have happened if you hadn't been avoiding me."
-
58.
>you flop out of your seat
-
59.
>and rise to your hooves before your tormentor
-
60.
"Oh, so now it's my fault! Well, let me tell you where you fucked up, you purple fucking horse, was when you put me in the body of a pre-adolescent filly! I've got twice as much estrogen as you do right now, and I can play your female mind games just the same- WHOAH!"
-
61.
>a cloud of purple magic hoists you into the air by your tail
-
62.
>something hard and hoof-like smacks into your soft filly tush
-
63.
"FUCK"
-
64.
>slap
-
65.
"SHIT"
-
66.
>slap
-
67.
"STOP"
-
68.
-
69.
>Princess Cadance is craning her neck down at you
-
70.
>there's something of genuine confusion on her face
-
71.
/"My, Anon, you've, um, shrunk a bit since I last saw you."
-
72.
>Shining Armor snorts
-
73.
~"Smells nicer, too."
-
74.
>Cadance ignores the comment
-
75.
/"Well it certainly has been a while, hasn't it? I don't think we've seen each other since… was it Flurry Heart's crystalling?"
-
76.
"No. You didn't invite me to that."
-
77.
>Cadance cringes
-
78.
/"Is that right? How odd. I could have sworn we invited all of Twilight's friends."
-
79.
~"We did."
-
80.
>the princess of the north chuckles awkwardly and tugs at the golden yoke around her neck
-
81.
/"Well. It's really too bad that Twilight couldn't stick around to chat longer. But… Shining and I have to get going now, too. Our train to Los Pegasus is taking off in an hour."
-
82.
>you blink
-
83.
"Your sister-parenthesis-in-law-parenthesis is saving the world from yet another eldritch horror and you guys are going on vacation?"
-
84.
>Twilight's brother waves his hoof
-
85.
~"It's fine. Nothing she hasn't done a million times before."
-
86.
>you have to admit, he's probably right
-
87.
>even Twilight herself seemed awful casual about it
-
88.
>for Twilight standards, anyway
-
89.
>Cadance coughs
-
90.
/"Anyway, we'll be going now. Flurry Heart should be in her room upstairs. You can't miss it, it's the same room you stayed in that one time."
-
91.
>the pair of them head out to not save Equestria
-
92.
/"Take good care of our Flurry now."
-
93.
-
94.
>Flurry Heart is in the same room you stayed in that one time
-
95.
>that one time like 17 fucking years ago
-
96.
>as though you'd fucking remember where to go
-
97.
>you'd leave well enough alone and just make some dinner
-
98.
>but it seems rude to not let your host know you're here first
-
99.
>also, you need her to cook it for you
-
100.
>what?
-
101.
>how can you be expected to get anything done right without fingers?
-
102.
>anyway, weren't there servants and guards and stuff in this castle the last time you were here?
-
103.
>where the hell did they all go?
-
104.
>wait a second
-
105.
>that door right there looks like it could be the entrance to a teenage girl's room
-
106.
>posters of boybands taped up on it
-
107.
>fluffy hearts glued around those
-
108.
>oh, and one of those fluffy hearts is embroidered with the name "Flurry Heart"
-
109.
>you rap three sharp knocks on it
-
110.
<"Mom?"
-
111.
"Nope, just the strange man you're all alone in the house with."
-
112.
>the door opens
-
113.
>a light pink princess pony pokes her head out
-
114.
>she looks a little bit shorter than Twilight
-
115.
>but, in your present state, that's still tall enough to fucking tower over you
-
116.
<"Oh. You're that kid I'm supposed to be babysitting."
-
117.
"Kid? The last time I was in this town you were a sperm cell in your daddy's ballsack-"
-
118.
<"Ew! That's fucking disgusting!"
-
119.
"Listen, how about making us some dinner? I'm starving down here."
-
120.
>Flurry scoffs
-
121.
<"It's, like, 6 at night. Don't you have a bed time or something?"
-
122.
"You mean 6 in the afternoon?"
-
123.
<"No. I mean 6 at night."
-
124.
>Flurry Heart becomes the second alicorn princess today to turn her nose up at you
-
125.
<"It's, like, bedtime for little fillies."
-
126.
>the princess's horn glows
-
127.
>you instinctively clench your butt cheeks
-
128.
>POOF
-
129.
>when you open your eyes, you're locked in what seems to be a guest bedroom in the castle
-
130.
"BITCH"
-
131.
-
132.
>sunlight filters dimly in through the thick crystal walls
-
133.
>you roll over
-
134.
>your limbs stretch out into your sight
-
135.
>your limbs?
-
136.
>hooves?
-
137.
>thick crystal walls?
-
138.
>is this the work of some kind of mad scientist?
-
139.
>again?
-
140.
>wait
-
141.
>no
-
142.
>that was just Twilight
-
143.
"Fucking damnit."
-
144.
>and you're still under the power of Flurry fucking Heart
-
145.
>you hop down to the floor
-
146.
>you've gotta piss
-
147.
>after a determined march to the door, you begin pounding on it as hard as you can
-
148.
>which isn't very hard, under the circumstances
-
149.
>so you throw in a little screeching
-
150.
"McFlurry! Let me out of here!"
-
151.
>silence is your answer
-
152.
"I'm gonna piss on the fucking floor if I don't get out of here!"
-
153.
>you're rearing up now, pounding with both forehooves
-
154.
"Flurry fucking Heart! I'm gonna-"
-
155.
>the door flies open
-
156.
>you go sprawling across the floor
-
157.
>an angry teenage alicorn sticks her head in the room
-
158.
<"It is 10 in the morning what do you want?!"
-
159.
"10 in the-"
-
160.
>you shake your head
-
161.
"Bitch, I gotta piss."
-
162.
>you squirm your way through Flurry Heart's legs into the passageway
-
163.
>you begin storming off toward the bathroom
-
164.
>wait a second
-
165.
"Hey, where's the bathroom?"
-
166.
-
167.
>now that that's done
-
168.
>you seem to be free to roam about the castle
-
169.
>you're still hungry, so you decide to look for the kitchen
-
170.
>given how utterly unhelpful Flurry Heart has been, you're willing to give cooking with hooves another go
-
171.
>you mean, what's the worst that could happen?
-
172.
>a grease fire?
-
173.
>it's not like crystal burns down
-
174.
>making your way through long passages and winding stairs proves to be no easy task on stubby filly legs
-
175.
>somewhere on the ground floor, you notice a double set of swinging doors
-
176.
>the small windows set in them show that the room beyond is gleaming white
-
177.
>with your oversized filly head, you nudge open the doors and tumble inside
-
178.
>oh yeah, it's a kitchen
-
179.
>appliances, counters, utensils
-
180.
>it's even got big white hats hanging up on hooks
-
181.
>there's a big walk-in fridge, but you have to use a stool to reach the handle
-
182.
>inside the fridge, you look for something that seems easy to cook
-
183.
>something you're not likely to fuck up, even with these big goofy hooves
-
184.
>how about those eggs?
-
185.
>reaching into a low shelf with both hooves, you carefully pull out a carton of eggs
-
186.
>but as soon as the carton comes free of the shelf
-
187.
"Shit!"
-
188.
>and the eggs are on the floor, leaking yellow egg-fluids all over the place
-
189.
<"Hey!"
-
190.
>oh, shit, busted
-
191.
>the princess of teenaged angst is glaring at you from the entrance of the fridge
-
192.
-
193.
<"You're making a giant mess!"
-
194.
"You wanna make my damn breakfast for me? Shut the fuck up."
-
195.
>Flurry Heart scoffs
-
196.
<"I'm not cooking for you. The palace has cooks for that."
-
197.
>the princess scans the room uncertainly
-
198.
<"I just need to find them…"
-
199.
>then her eyes lock onto something out of sight
-
200.
>she trots over to it
-
201.
>you get out of the fridge and follow her
-
202.
>she's looking at something on a counter, but it's too high for you to see
-
203.
>then she magically levitates the object in front of her face
-
204.
>it's a note
-
205.
<"Dear Flurry. I gave the servants the weekend off. There's plenty of stuff in the fridge for you and…"
-
206.
>she squints
-
207.
<"How do you say that? Ah-non-er… Uh-nan-ny…?"
-
208.
"Just call me Anon."
-
209.
<"There's plenty of stuff in the fridge for you and Anon to make food with. Love, Dad."
-
210.
"Well that explains that then. I thought it seemed awful empty here."
-
211.
>your companion offers no reply
-
212.
<"Uh, princess? Are you all right? McFlurry? Are you breathing?"
-
213.
-
214.
<"What are we gonna do? How are we gonna eat? I'm gonna starve to death!"
-
215.
>the princess of moodiness suddenly seems a lot less moody
-
216.
>and a lot more panicked
-
217.
"Geez, calm down. First of all, nobody ever starved to death in two days. Second of all, you can just cook for yourself."
-
218.
<"Me? Cook? I don't know how to cook!"
-
219.
"It's not that hard. Just open up the fridge, I'll-"
-
220.
<"You can cook? Oh, thank the Heart. Here-"
-
221.
>the princess magically drops one of those big chef hats on your head, and a pile of cooking utensils in front of you
-
222.
"Well, I can cook theoretically, but…"
-
223.
>you stick a hoof into the pile of utensils, attempting, somehow, to grab a big wooden spoon
-
224.
"I can't really grip things."
-
225.
<"What do you mean you can't grip things?! It's the easiest shit in the world! You just…"
-
226.
>with physics-defying ease, Flurry Heart takes the spoon with her hoof and waves it around
-
227.
"What even are you doing? I have no idea what I'm seeing here."
-
228.
>and moodiness makes its triumphant comeback on Flurry Heart's face
-
229.
<"Ugh! How can you be this stupid?"
-
230.
"Listen. I'm fucking hungry. I assume you're fucking hungry. Just grab some shit and I'll tell you what to do with it."
-
231.
<"But that's servant work!"
-
232.
>it's really taking a lot of effort not to have a stroke right now
-
233.
"No, it's functional adult work."
-
234.
>Flurry blinks
-
235.
<"Adult work?"
-
236.
"Yeah, yeah, you'll be real grown-up once you can make your own food."
-
237.
>the princess of insecurity averts her eyes from yours and scowls
-
238.
<"Okay, fine. Just tell me what to do."
-
239.
"Good."
-
240.
>you push the stool over to the counter and climb on top
-
241.
"We'll start with something simple. You'll need peanut butter, jelly, and sliced bread."
-
242.
>with what you're sure is a needless waste of energy, Flurry Heart teleports the listed ingredients onto the table before her
-
243.
"Get a knife, too."
-
244.
>a giant fucking meat cleaver levitates from the pile of utensils
-
245.
"Not that fucking knife! Grab a butter knife."
-
246.
<"A what?"
-
247.
"A little knife. One that's not so sharp."
-
248.
>a steak-knife appears on the counter before Flurry Heart
-
249.
>close enough
-
250.
>also, why do herbivores have steak knives?
-
251.
>or meat cleavers, for that matter
-
252.
"Okay. Stick the knife into the peanut butter… take a big scoop of it… Good, now spread it out onto a slice of bread."
-
253.
>this, too, requires a few minutes of coaching
-
254.
>but in the end, you see one slice of bread with a thick layer peanut butter spread across its surface
-
255.
"That's not too bad. Now, onto the jelly. Wipe that-"
-
256.
>that's when the peanut butter on the bread catches fire
-
257.
"…"
-
258.
>you end up having bare bread-slices for breakfast
-
259.
-
260.
>McFlurry sent you to "time-out" after breakfast
-
261.
<"Because I'm the babysitter, and I say so."
-
262.
>it doesn't seem she quite believes that you're old enough to be her dad
-
263.
>no matter
-
264.
>if you're going to be treated like a child
-
265.
>you can act like a child
-
266.
>before getting telepoofed to your guest-room, you stepped on that giant meat cleaver
-
267.
>on the flat of it, don't worry
-
268.
>you didn't know if it would work
-
269.
>but since it seems like the same thing as hoof-grabbing the thing, you figured that it might
-
270.
>now you're a small filly alone in a room with a big, sharp blade
-
271.
>grabbing the thing with your hooves is out of the fucking question
-
272.
>so, reluctantly, you take it up in your mouth
-
273.
>hopefully it doesn't give you AIDS
-
274.
>you rear up on your hind hooves
-
275.
>rest on the door with your forehooves
-
276.
>and bring the corner of the blade close to the lock
-
277.
>oh, sure, the cleaver is too big to pick the lock properly with
-
278.
>but if you jam it in enough times you might break the lock
-
279.
>there's an obvious risk somewhere in this plan
-
280.
>but you don't feel like thinking about that right now
-
281.
>now the nice thing about being turned into an earth pony
-
282.
>there'd probably be a steep learning curve to magic or wings
-
283.
>but earth pony superstrength?
-
284.
>that's intuitive enough
-
285.
>you smash the knife into the lock
-
286.
>and then
-
287.
>you do it again
-
288.
>and because that wasn't unsafe enough
-
289.
>you keep doing it til your neck is too sore to swing the blade anymore
-
290.
>at that point, you toss it onto the floor behind you and examine the lock
-
291.
>yep, it's definitely ruined
-
292.
>now, either you can open it
-
293.
>or it'll never be unlocked again
-
294.
>you're not entirely sure how this works, but shooting the lock always works in movies, so...
-
295.
>with your teeth around the doorknob, you...
-
296.
>open the door
-
297.
>all right
-
298.
>time for some mischief
-
299.
-
300.
>actually, after roaming about the castle for a while, there's no obvious mischief to cause
-
301.
>yeah, you could break some shit
-
302.
>yeah, you could kick food all over the place
-
303.
>yeah, you could take a big horseshit all over the floor
-
304.
>but none of that is really speaking to you, you know?
-
305.
>eventually, you settle on grabbing the steak knife from the kitchen
-
306.
>you head up to the door of McFlurry's room with the handle in your mouth
-
307.
>no, this hasn't turned into a slasher
-
308.
>you put the tip of the blade to the surface of the door
-
309.
>unfortunately, you can't be very precice doing this with your mouth
-
310.
>but perhaps the art of what you're about to do lies within its very crudeness
-
311.
>you scratch out a curve
-
312.
>another curve below that
-
313.
>a straight-ish line protruding from the curves
-
314.
>parallel to that, another line
-
315.
>and, connecting those, one more line
-
316.
>you step back and admire your handiwork
-
317.
>or is that mouthiwork?
-
318.
>Flurry Heart's bedroom door is now graced with a big, poorly-drawn horsecock
-
319.
>you squint
-
320.
>actually, it's kind of faint
-
321.
>you can't really see it unless you're looking straight at it
-
322.
>better trace over it a few times
-
323.
>you're about to put the knife to the door again
-
324.
>when it's flung open
-
325.
<"What are you doing?!"
-
326.
-
327.
"Eh wehr jeh, ehr-"
-
328.
>you spit the knife out
-
329.
"I was just, uh, trying to see about getting some lunch."
-
330.
>Flurry groans
-
331.
<"Fine. This time it better be easy."
-
332.
"Yes, of course, peanut butter and jelly was clearly too advanced for you."
-
333.
>the gangly princess stalks out of her room
-
334.
>you follow behind
-
335.
>but not before glancing back at the door
-
336.
>holy kek she really didn't notice
-
337.
>down in the kitchen, you instruct your pupil to grab a box of instant macaroni
-
338.
<"The fuck is that?"
-
339.
>right
-
340.
>you go diving through cabinets til you find what you're looking for
-
341.
"This."
-
342.
<"Ew, poor-people food."
-
343.
>ignoring that
-
344.
"Use that alicorn magic of yours to fill up that pot with water, and set it down on the stovetop right there."
-
345.
>now, you know what the audience is thinking
-
346.
>"but, Anon, if McFlurry can burn PB&J, why would you trust her with a hot stove?"
-
347.
>simple answer:
-
348.
>you wouldn't
-
349.
>while she's getting the water, you grab the wooden spoon and push the stool over to the stove
-
350.
>you clamber up the stool to the gratifying sight of a potful of water
-
351.
>at the flick of a switch, the magic-based heating element activates
-
352.
"Can you tear open that box and set it over here?"
-
353.
>Flurry brings the box
-
354.
>and also a question
-
355.
<"What are you gonna do here? I thought you couldn't cook."
-
356.
"I can't figure out how to make these hooves work, but I think I can stir a spoon with my mouth just fine."
-
357.
<"Is that sanitary?"
-
358.
"Probably not, but I've seen them do that at the bakery in Ponyville, and they're not shut down yet."
-
359.
>whoah
-
360.
>the water came to a boil way faster than you thought it would
-
361.
>this magic stove apparently gets way hotter than your lonely campfires on the road ever did
-
362.
"All right, pour that shit in."
-
363.
>with the spoon in your mouth, you don't say anything for a while
-
364.
>Flurry Heart doesn't say anything either
-
365.
>she's watching you stir the macaroni curiously
-
366.
>ah, man
-
367.
>the hot steam blowing into your face isn't great
-
368.
>but it sure does feel nice to be successfully doing something for yourself again
-
369.
>after the five minutes specified on the box, you reckon that lunch is done
-
370.
>better have Flurry get the strainer ready
-
371.
>you turn to point at the sink
-
372.
>too bad you forgot to take the spoon out of your mouth first
-
373.
>now your macaroni is all over the floor
-
374.
<"..."
-
375.
>you have bare bread-slices for lunch too
-
376.
-
377.
>at the very least, there was no bullshit "time-out" after lunch
-
378.
>not that you could be contained anymore with that broken lock
-
379.
>but still, it's the thought that counts
-
380.
>or, maybe the lack of thought
-
381.
>the princess seemed sulky about something when she stalked off into the castle
-
382.
>whatever
-
383.
>you're gonna wander now
-
384.
>the courtyard gets boring pretty quick
-
385.
>who makes a garden out of lifeless crystals in the middle of a fucking crystal empire?
-
386.
>you could stare at the walls all day and see the same damn thing
-
387.
>the palace library library has a few interesting titles
-
388.
>too bad most of them are out of your reach
-
389.
"I'm gonna go sit on Candyass's throne."
-
390.
>you find the throne room
-
391.
>it's a great hall with three fancy thrones at the end
-
392.
>you're guessing the big one with the blue heart on it is Cadance's
-
393.
>oh yeah, you plop your ass down on it
-
394.
>you start making airy-fairy gestures with your hooves
-
395.
"Hi, my name is Princess That's Amore Pizza Lasagna Candyass, and I love everyone til I'm behind your back!"
-
396.
>hey wait a second
-
397.
>is there supposed to be a giant hole in the middle of the throne room?
-
398.
>and if so, is it supposed to have a winding staircase that descends into an ominous black abbyss?
-
399.
>also, should you explore it?
-
400.
-
401.
>down
-
402.
>down
-
403.
>down the steps you go
-
404.
>the further you go, the darker it gets
-
405.
>and the darker it gets, the louder the voices get
-
406.
>no, not the voices in your head
-
407.
>all around, you can hear what sounds like dozens of voices speaking in frantic whispers
-
408.
>actually, you hope those voices are just in your head
-
409.
>heh
-
410.
>this feels like something Sombra would have enjoyed
-
411.
>Sombra was a good bro sometimes
-
412.
>too bad about that whole "going insane again and kidnapping a baby" thing
-
413.
>actually, that baby was Flurry Heart, wasn't it?
-
414.
>your hoof nearly slips on a rock and gives you a heart attack
-
415.
"Man, it sure is fucking dark down here."
-
416.
>as if on command, an eerie swirl of green and purple light emanates from no apparent source
-
417.
"Th-thanks."
-
418.
>down
-
419.
>down
-
420.
>down into the heart of darkness
-
421.
>finally, you attempt to step down another stair, but find only level ground
-
422.
"Fucking finally."
-
423.
-
424.
>the space on the bottom is a small room with a little red door
-
425.
>some sort of warning sign has been bolted to the door
-
426.
>in the dim light, it takes a little effort to read what it says
-
427.
>"Fear Door. Opening this door will result in visions of one's own worst fears. Proceed with caution. Entry prohibited except for personnel with H-class clearance or higher."
-
428.
>uh
-
429.
>well you used to be pretty good friends with Twilight
-
430.
>that's gotta be at least H clearance
-
431.
>whatever the fuck H clearance means
-
432.
>with a little effort, you reach the doorknob
-
433.
>the door creaks open to a pitch-black abyss
-
434.
>and as you peer into the abyss...
-
435.
>so too does the abyss peer into you
-
436.
>and visions from a nightmare world overwhelm your senses
-
437.
>your carefree life of wandering has been brought to an end!
-
438.
>you've been transformed into a helpless little filly!
-
439.
>your bidalism!
-
440.
>your opposable thumbs!
-
441.
>oh, shit, does this make you a tranny?!
-
442.
>Twilight Sparkle has taken complete control of your life!
-
443.
>even kids are infantilizing you!
-
444.
"Wait a second, I'm already living this."
-
445.
>you throw the door shut
-
446.
"Dumb door."
-
447.
>hang on
-
448.
>the doorknob seems to have slid to the other side of the door
-
449.
>you reach up to open it again
-
450.
>this time the door opens to a wide space
-
451.
>in the center of the space is an ivory tower
-
452.
>a spiral staircase wraps around the tower's exterior
-
453.
-
454.
>up
-
455.
>up
-
456.
>up the damn tower you go
-
457.
>trying real hard not to think about the long walk back to that throne room
-
458.
>wondering just what you're going to find at the top
-
459.
>wondering, more importantly, why so many damn stairs?
-
460.
>times like this, you really miss being a six-foot biped
-
461.
>each step becomes a chore in itself
-
462.
>you have to place both forehooves on each new step
-
463.
>and pull your hindquarters up with your whole upper body
-
464.
>your heart is thumping like a jackhammer in your throat by the time you reach the top
-
465.
>hang on
-
466.
>just
-
467.
>just catch your breath real quick
-
468.
>aw man
-
469.
>Twilight's gonna have to send a rescue party when she gets back
-
470.
>there's no way you're doing all that climbing all over again
-
471.
>you shake your head, and get up
-
472.
>a pointed arch covers the entrance to a room
-
473.
>stepping inside, you find that it's lined with bookshelves
-
474.
>the tomes on the shelves are dark and leather-bound
-
475.
>which is pretty edgy when you consider that cows can talk in this world
-
476.
>in the middle of the room...
-
477.
>Flurry Heart lies still on a couch
-
478.
>huh
-
479.
>this feels like an awfully ominous place to be finding a teenaged pink princess horse
-
480.
>stepping closer, you can see the slow rising and falling of her breast
-
481.
>she's fast asleep
-
482.
>tucked under her foreleg is a book
-
483.
>"Darkstar's Practical Guide to Cooking With Black Magic"
-
484.
>your eyebrows fly right off the top of your head
-
485.
>holy shit
-
486.
>you had no idea that this cooking thing was getting under Flurry's skin so bad
-
487.
>m-maybe you should wake her up?
-
488.
>or, uh, maybe...
-
489.
>oh, look, there's another door
-
490.
>better go explore what's beyond it
-
491.
>away from the moody alicorn with the black magic cookbook
-
492.
>on the other side of the door is the regular palace library
-
493.
>oh thank fuck, you don't have to climb those stairs again
-
494.
>carefully, so as not to disturb the sleeping princess, you shut the door behind you
-
495.
>and when you blink, the door is gone
-
496.
>well, maybe McFlurry's got the right idea anyhow
-
497.
>about the napping, not the black magic
-
498.
>after that walk, you're pretty tired
-
499.
>you head out of the library and toward your guest room
-
500.
-
501.
<"Anon, wake up. Dinner is ready."
-
502.
>the Flurry Heart that's nudging you with her snout seems like a whole new pony
-
503.
"Mh... what?"
-
504.
>you sit up and rub your eyes
-
505.
"What?!"
-
506.
>for the first time all weekend, the princess of teen angst is actually smiling
-
507.
>she seems so excited about something that she hasn't noticed the destroyed lock on the door
-
508.
>once she sees that you're awake, she stands tall and grins down at you, her chest puffed out in pride
-
509.
<"Come on downstairs, Anon. Let's eat."
-
510.
>remembering "Darkstar's Practical Guide to Cooking With Black Magic" makes you panic
-
511.
>did she really turn to forbidden arts just to make dinner?
-
512.
>dare you disobey this ominous dinner bell?
-
513.
>you probably should
-
514.
"Okay."
-
515.
>but you don't
-
516.
>you're following the lanky princess pony to the dining hall
-
517.
>which would be hard enough with those stubby legs of yours
-
518.
>but when she's practically prancing down the stairs?
-
519.
>you cough
-
520.
"I, uh, saw you asleep with that book. The black magic cookbook."
-
521.
>well, you get your wish
-
522.
>Flurry gasps, and stops so suddenly that you smack into her leg
-
523.
<"You saw that?! Oh, no, please don't tell my mom. I didn't use it or anything, I swear!"
-
524.
"I won't, I promise. But if you didn't use the book, what did you do?"
-
525.
>your question puts the grin back on Flurry Heart's face
-
526.
>you walk along together at a slower pace as she explains
-
527.
<"Well, I started thinking to myself, how can I rule the Crystal Empire some day if I make some little filly do my cooking for me? I've gotta take control of my own destiny, you know?"
-
528.
<"I looked through, like, a million cookbooks to try and find a recipe I could do. And, uh, yeah, one of them was the one you saw."
-
529.
<"But literally none of them made any sense! I decided there was only one thing to do."
-
530.
>you've come to the great crystal doors of the palace dining hall
-
531.
"And what was that?"
-
532.
>Flurry smiles, and flings open the doors with het magic
-
533.
>on the table is laid out...
-
534.
>a pair of large pizzas in cardboard boxes
-
535.
<"Give up and order takeout!"
-
536.
-
537.
>Twilight got done saving the world a little early
-
538.
>so she came by to pick you up first thing Sunday morning
-
539.
>Flurry invited "Auntie Twilight" to stay for tea and a chat
-
540.
>Twilight was more than happy to stay and chat with her "favorite niece"
-
541.
>even though Twilight ended up having to make the tea herself
-
542.
^"That's a wonderful story, Flurry Heart! Do you feel like you learned anything?"
-
543.
>Flurry grins and sits a little straighter
-
544.
<"I learned that being an adult, and a princess, means taking care of myself. Sometimes, being a princess is going to mean facing tough situations, and I won't always be able to rely on servants or my parents."
-
545.
>Twilight beams
-
546.
^"That's a wonderful lesson, Flurry Heart. You're absolutely right."
-
547.
>oh, geez
-
548.
>it's so sugary sweet you think your teeth are gonna fall out
-
549.
>you blow on your tea again before dipping your tongue into it
-
550.
>still too hot
-
551.
^"Truth be told, Flurry Heart, I was hoping Anon could help you learn that. I don't have many friends as naturally independent as he is."
-
552.
>Flurry's eyebrow cocks at that
-
553.
<"He?"
-
554.
>Twilight chuckles awkwardly
-
555.
^"It's a, um, funny story."
-
556.
>the younger princess is staring at you and blinking now
-
557.
<"Wait, so are you actually, like, really old and stuff?"
-
558.
"I'm not even 40! That's not that old!"
-
559.
>Twilight giggles
-
560.
^"That reminds me, Anon. I was hoping you would learn something too."
-
561.
>learn something?
-
562.
>you scratch your chin in thought
-
563.
>oh, there is something you learned!
-
564.
"I finally figured it out! Watch this shit."
-
565.
>you pull the spoon out of your teacup, and hold it in your hoof triumphantly
-
566.
"Look at that! I don't even know how that works! Isn't it great?"
-
567.
>Twilight sighs
-
568.
^"I'm happy for you, Anon. But that wasn't quite the lesson I hoped you would learn."
-
569.
>you shrug
-
570.
"Twilight, I was cooking beans over an open fire in the middle of Pineywood Swamp when your spell abducted me. Like you said, I already know a thing or two about self-reliance."
-
571.
^"Well, that's why I was hoping you'd learn about relying on others."
-
572.
"Huh?"
-
573.
^"As we approach middle-age, we're going to find that sometimes there are challenges we can't overcome on our own. Relying on others to a certain degree will not only help you win the day, but it will also forge the bonds of friendship between yourself and those around you!"
-
574.
>you eyeball the spoon in your hoof
-
575.
"Twilight, I can sort of see where you're coming from, but..."
-
576.
>Twilight yelps as the spoon from your hoof bounces off of her forehead
-
577.
"Fuck off."
by Writefag_Roulette
by Writefag_Roulette
by Writefag_Roulette
by Writefag_Roulette
by Writefag_Roulette