Lyra Has her Cake and Eats it Too (incomplete)

 

They were simple words, but they were filled with a cold and bitter hatred. Celestia had been looking forward to that cake since she woke and now it was gone, consumed by a mint green unicorn with more greed than sense. The princess’s eyes still lingered on the crumb laden platter. This would not do. The last time a pony had the gall to eat her cake, it was Pinkie Pie. It was hard seeing that tiered masterpiece disappear into the pink one’s gullet so utterly, but there was little Celestia could do about it. It pained Celestia both then and now to admit it, but the elements were more important than her gluttony. She had wanted so badly to make an example out of Pinkie Pie, and it seems her reward for failing to do so had finally arrived.

 

Once every few generations a foolish pony would get between Celestia and her cake. The stories of that pony’s fate tended to last a century or longer as a whispered warning. To think it could happen twice in the same decade… Celestia was going to go all out this time. She almost felt sorry for the mare, but one last look at the empty platter before her wiped away those thoughts.

 

Lyra Heartstrings was a new hire in the archives, a lowly junior curator. Any pony able to put Twilight Sparkle as a reference was nearly guaranteed a job there, but her actual aptitude for the job was a little lacking. Still, the other curators found decent use for her as a general intern. It had been on one of the fateful late-night trips to the kitchens for coffee that Lyra had stopped to grab some cake for herself. She was more than a bit peckish, seeing as it had been almost ten hours since lunch, and before she knew it Lyra had eaten the wonderful pastry in it’s entirety. Feeling full and satisfied, Lyra returned to the archives and didn’t pay any thought or heed to the original owner of the cake. It wasn’t until the next day that she had some misgivings. From the moment she arrived to work, there were rumors that somepony had eaten Celestia’s morning cake. At first Lyra had hoped she could keep it a secret, but that hope was dashed when a pair of guards arrived midday. Celestia wanted an audience with the cake thief.

 

The long march to the throne was a silent one. All Lyra could think about was how she managed to get fired from a dream job in the castle within a week. She consoled herself with the thought that Celestia was benevolent. Maybe all that will happen is a stern talking to about not touching what isn’t yours. It didn’t work. All she could see in her mind’s eye was Celestia towering above her from the throne with a stern frown and spiteful eyes, her mane flowing so imposingly that it seemed to take up half the ceiling. She was surprised then, when the final doors opened, that a much more pleasant scene was laid out before her.

 

A small table was set out in front of the throne, upon it sat a tea set, some scones, and several slices of cake. Celestia sat serenely behind the arrangement, a motherly smile warming her expression.

“Come, My little pony, have a seat. I believe there are some important things we need to discuss,” the Princess of the Sun’s voice flowed to Lyra like music from a harp, and were twice as enchanting. Lyra’s fears were washed away in them, nopony who sounded like that could possibly be mad. The mare let out a breath she wasn’t aware she was holding.

 

“Of course, your majesty. It’s an honor to be here,” the unicorn said as she took her place opposite the throne. Lyra had never been this close to Celestia before, and her aura was overpowering. The unicorn wasn’t sure if she should be basking in the Princess’s radiant grace or averting her eyes. In the end she tried to do both at once, which only made things awkward. Celestia laughed at the display. It wasn’t a cruel or mocking laugh, but one of encouragement. It rang out in the throne room like the clear tones of a tubular chime.

 

“Ohoho… Lyra, you needn’t be so spellbound. I am, after all still a pony. An important pony, but still just a pony,” Celestia punctuated herself by lifting the pot of tea in her sun-gold magic before pouring out a cup for her guest first and then herself. “Perhaps it is best to get straight to business?”

 

Lyra nodded in assent. She noted to herself that the tea smelled wonderful, but she didn’t dare taste any until Celestia herself did.

 

“Very well. I can safely assume you know why you’re here, My little pony. You took something that didn’t belong to you. Not the wisest course of action, but everypony makes mistakes. Even myself. What’s important is that we learn from them. Why, just recently a mistake I made years ago surfaced again. I’ve learned, and I’m taking action to ensure it won’t happen again for a long, long time. Tell me, what have you learned from last night, little pony?” Celestia took a long sip of tea, making a point of not lowering it until Lyra began to speak.

 

“Well, Your Highness, I… uh. I’m sorry. It looked so good, I knew I shouldn’t have taken any… but I did. And… and…,” The mare was cut off by a soft interjection from Celestia.

 

“Lyra, I wasn’t asking for an apology. I was asking how you can grow from this mistake. If I may, I believe that there are two things you’ve learned. From the apology, I believe you’ve learned guilt. Guilt is a powerful tool, Lyra. Remember the feeling you have now the next time you seek to take something that isn’t yours. But there’s another lesson here, My little pony. We both learned you like cake.”

 

Lyra visibly recoiled in confusion. Of all possible statements, that was not one she was expecting. “Am I mistaken?” Celestia continued.

 

“Well, no, but… doesn’t everypony like cake?” Lyra wasn’t sure where this was going.

 

“Perhaps, but few like it enough to eat an entire royal cake. You clearly have good taste. I can’t help but wonder if your talents are being misapplied doing archival work. Perhaps this whole event could have been avoided if your post in the castle were more aligned with your mildly gluttonous disposition? As it happens, I’ve been looking for a pony like yourself. How about a change of career? I can assure you it would involve far less work than you’re doing now.” A sly smirk tried to break the corner of Celestia’s tranquil smile, but she quashed it immediately.

 

The minty mare had frozen up. This was too much to handle. She came here expecting to get fired, and now she was being offered a job by Celestia herself. The conversation was surreal enough to leave her speechless. Celestia truly was a magnanimous princess. Lyra managed to nod.

 

“Wonderful. We can begin now, if you like. You see, I have a terrible problem. There are some cakes in this world that I fear I may not enjoy. Strange and magical cakes, unlike anything you’ve seen or tasted before. What I’ve been hoping for for so long now was a pony of exquisite taste who could try them for me. And here you are. Consider this an interview, if you take well to it I plan to have you in my service for a long, long time. As long as you can last, really.”

 

Of the several slices of cake circling the teapot, Celestia lifted one in her magic and drifted it over to Lyra. It was covered in a strawberry pink icing, with a small white kiss of sugar icing on top. The layers visible in the cut were pink and white, and thin marker capped with a lemniscate adorned the top. “Bon appétit,” Celestia said with a smile.

 

“This one is something special. I have several of them in storage right now, seeing as they tend to multiply when transported. You see, this is a cake that never runs out. Whenever you carve off a piece it regrows what you took. Be careful not to make too many crumbs, if you leave them alone long enough they’ll become slices of their own. Sunfire seems to be just about the only way to get rid of the extras, apart from eating them that is. Go on, eat it, tell me what you think.”

 

Lyra looked at the plate hesitantly. This was a lot to process. Still, the offer Celestia was giving sounded like a dream come true. A castle job where all she had to do was eat cake. The mare couldn’t let the opportunity slip. She’d deal with any repercussions later, but for now the task put in front of her by the Princess was simple. Eat a slice of cake. Lyra’s amber aura grasped as dessert fork in front of her. She slid the tines down the point of the slice, carrying off a wedge of pink and white heaven. To her amazement Celestia hadn’t been lying, not that Lyra ever expected Celestia to lie. Even as the fork pulled away the cake seemed to stretch itself back into shape, slowly filling itself back in. The piece on her for also began to grow, albeit much more slowly. Lyra watched the piece on her fork grow with amazement.“You’d best hurry before it’s too big to fit in your mouth,” Celestia spoke after watching the mint mare’s hesitation.

 

The unicorn took heed, and opened her mouth wide. The once-thin carving of cake barely cleared between her teeth. This time Celestia failed to conceal her smirk. It was done. Lyra never noticed, she was far too focused on the extraordinary cake. Celestia laughed softly again, still it sounded like an angel’s bell tinkling. Lyra swallowed her mouthful of cake, and followed it with a mouthful of tea. “Your highness?”

 

“Oh, it was nothing. I’m just excited is all. I think you’ll do well. Now, I was hoping you could finish the slice before you gave me a verdict,” Celestia said as she gestured back to the now pristine cake. “You’ll probably need to be fast about it.”

 

Lyra nodded, “Of course, Your majesty.” This time, Lyra cut off the first third of the cake, shoveling it into her mouth immediately and chewing it down into a thick paste with five fast chomps. Even as she swallowed she pulled another equally sized piece off the slice, which had already recovered nearly half of what was lost. This repeated four times before the mare paused to catch her breath. It was too much too fast, and her throat just couldn’t keep up. By the time she felt ready to eat again the cake on her plate was whole again, all of her progress lost for a moment’s respite. Lyra stopped to gather herself for another run at it. By her estimates she’d only eaten two or three slices worth. She should have more than enough room left inside her to handle a second go. But that wasn’t what her stomach was telling her. She was feeling pretty bloated. Almost as bad as after she had finished the entire cake last night. Something about this magic wasn’t sitting right with her.

 

“What’s wrong, My little pony? Having second thoughts? I’m certain you can do it,” Even as she gave encouragement, Celestia’s wry smile deepened.

 

“No, Princess, I can do this. Just give me a second. I have a spell for this kind of thing. Bon Bon likes, well… lets say I sometimes get a little too full when she’s around,” Lyra finished as her horn sparked to life and three amber glows started to form on her tummy. After a few seconds they condensed into magical constructs. Three little translucent hands started to stroke her belly, massaging and kneading it until she let out a rather loud belch. He eyes bugged out immediately, and both hooves shot to her lips. “I’m so sorry Princess! Excuse me! I do feel a bit better though. I bet I can-,” Lyra cut herself off as her brow furrowed. Something wasn’t right. Her belly was starting to ache. It felt as bad as the few times Bon Bon got a little overzealous and they had to call things off before Lyra got hurt.

 

“Ooooh, hang on a minute princess, something’s not right,” Lyra said. With the intense fullness in her stomach, the lingering taste of cake was making her feel sickened. In fact, the lingering taste in her mouth wasn’t going away at all. It almost was like she still had some cake on her tongue. Looking down at her seafoam green tummy, Lyra saw that it was visibly bloated and protruding slightly from her normally slender frame. She brought the hands around again for a second massage. This time they worked her swollen rise like bread dough. Lyra felt her overtightened stomach start to settle and relax beneath her magic.

 

“I’m sorry princess, I’m just… Uuuughn,” Lyra couldn’t even finish her sentence. She sat half-dazed rubbing herself from all sides.

 

“No, no. I understand My little pony. The cake is simply doing what it does,” Celestia said while finally rising from her throne. The princess trotted around the table to be closer to the bloating mare.

 

“Oh, Celestia…,” Lyra’s cheeks bulged as she released another belch, “Oh, no… I feel like I’m gonna pop. Please help me-,” a third burp intruded on her speech. “Just rub my tummy a bit… I’d feel a lot- ughn, a lot better. This was such a- a bad idea,” Lyra moaned.

 

“Now where in Equestria did you get the impression the cake was going to stop multiplying after you ate it? Remember When I said even the crumbs would become full sized slices? Well, you made a lot of crumbs when you were chewing, didn’t you? As for your request, I suppose I can help you, though it will only make things worse. Smashing all that cake in your belly might feel good but all you’re doing is making more pieces,” Celestia said with no façade. It was still a motherly tone, but a disappointed one. A scolding one. One of her little ponies had made a big mistake, and now she needed to teach them what they did wrong.

 

“That cake really was made for me, you know? Just as surely as the one you ate last night, My little pony. A few centuries back the Saddle Arabians tried their hoof at deposing me. You can’t just kill an alicorn, but with some cleverness one could make us ineffectual. Impotent. One of their alchemists tried to hit me in my weakspot. My sweet tooth. It probably would have worked, too, had I not been warned. To this day I’d still be an ever-growing blob of lard and cake. Kind of like you are now. Or will be. The difference is, I don’t have a limit. You very much do.”

 

Lyra tried to respond, but it was already far too late. Every part of her now rounded gut was screaming at her for relief. Painful tingles ran along it, each one threatening to be the twitch that finally split her open. When she opened her mouth to scream all that came from it was a pressured burst of cake and icing. It covered her front from Lyra’s muzzle to her navel.

 

“I’ve only seen two ponies eat some of the cake before: the one saved me from it, and the one who made it. Both were only a little bigger than you are when the finally burst themselves. If I left you alone for a few more minutes I’m certain you would soon be splattering over the walls, ceiling, and myself.”

 

Lyra could barely register Celestia’s words. She fell over sideways from her seat, collapsing to the ground. Her belly was nearing the size of a full term mare’s, and her coat shined with a cold sweat.

 

“But that would be unfair to you, wouldn’t it. I did promise that if you took my offer you’d be doing it for a long. Long. Time. I have a few ideas on how to do that,” Celestia’s horn lit and a matching sun-gold aura drifted over the spasming Lyra. The effects were immediate. Lyra’s critically swollen stomach began to recede, but all around the rest of her began to swell. Lyra’s thighs, belly, neck, haunches, cheeks, the whole of her being, all began to swell with new fat. It didn’t end until she was two and a half times her old weight. “There you go, dear cake thief. That should postpone any bursting in your immediate future. I can’t speak for comfort though, the spell only works it’s magic when you’re getting close to hurting yourself. It’s a leftover from Princess Platinum, she did always enjoy her banquets. Oh, and it only lasts a month, so do remind me when time is running low.”

 

The now obese Lyra lay on her back, breathing heavily and leaking cake from the sides of her mouth. Slowly, the bubble of her stomach began to protrude through the layer of fat on her belly. It continued once again until five minutes later the cake-covered mare was certain that she would burst. Even as her eyes rolled back and she braced to explode, the spell placed on her kicked in, and the pressure inside fell away. It was replaced with a new pressure. Lyra’s skin stretched around the new bulk of fat flowing into her. It was too much, too fast, and it showed. Her swelling flesh opened stretchmarks everywhere it grew. They were hairline width, but they grew with every pulse.

 

Celestia was content to watch the panicked cake thief as she went through a dozen cycles. When Lyra had become more sphere than mare, The Princess of the Sun decided her warning was ready to put on display. There was a flash, and the hulk of a mare was dropped unceremoniously in the statue garden, in plain view of any who who entered the grounds. Celestia’s ponies were smart enough to put two and two together. Rumors had already spread about a mare eating Celestia’s cake, and now rumors were sure to spread about the statue garden’s new moaning and gurgling decoration that fountained cake from it’s mouth constantly. Celestia needn’t say a word for ponies to get the message. In a month or two, Celestia may let princess platinum’s spell expire and allow the cake to take it’s course. Maybe. Until she did, all Lyra could do was bloat to bursting every ten minutes, only to hold together and pack on another pony’s worth of fat.