/Kinder/ - "Corrupting" Twilight [WIP]


                                            "Come on Twiggles, lighten up!"

                                            >You're Anon and you're doing your favorite thing in this lame-ass world.

                                            >"N-no! My name isn't-!"

                                            >Teasing Twilight Sparkle.

                                            "Haha! But you are THE Twiggly Wiggly!"

                                            >"Please stop, I don-"

                                            >She couldn't stand your teasing, the wet blanket that she is.

                                            >Heck, a crowd has actually gathered around the two of you, watching in horror as you mess with one of their princesses.

                                            "Twiggy Piggy!"

                                            >"STOP!"

                                            >She's getting really flustered now.

                                            >Against your better judgement, you continue.

                                            "I'll stop when you admit your name is Twoggle Woggle!"

                                            >"NO! STOP IT!!"

                                            "Twergle Spergle?"

                                            >Her face goes red in rage as she's about to start a tantrum.

                                            >Oh you love these!

                                            >"WILL YOU JUST GO AWAY YOU...YOU...

                                            >"ASSHOLE!!!"

                                            >Twilight's hoof darts to her mouth as everypony in the crowd's heads snap to her.

                                            >A chorus of gasps ring out from among the horde of poners.

                                            >Some go slackjawed that one of their princesses just said a bad word, others are tearing up and getting ready to cry.

                                            >You could even swear you heard somepony say "OOOOOOOO, I'M TEEEEEELLLLIIIIIIING!!!"

                                            >There was the crowd, sure. But the minute she swore? That caught EVERYPONY'S full attention.

                                            >"WEEWOO WEEWOO WEEWOO!!"

                                            >Oh great, here come the 'Ponice' to take you to jail.

                                            >A carriage with "Ponyville Ponice Department" crudely painted on it pulls up to the both of you.

                                            >You're approached by the officer who pulled it, who is currently taking the flashing red and blue lights off of her hat.

                                            "Princess Twilight? I'm sorry but you're gonna have to come with us."

                                            >Twilight starts turning a paler shade of purple

                                            >"W-what? No! But! I-it was a mistake! It just slipped out!"

                                            >The ponice mare shakes her head

                                            >"I'm sorry Princess, but it's the law. Even princesses have to follow it! You're under arrest for saying a Class B swear!"

                                            >Oh shit, this is great!

                                            >You never in your wildest dreams could've imagined this outcome.

                                            >Though...

                                            >"You too Anonymous!"

                                            "What? But what did little ol' me do? She was the one who swore at me!"

                                            >Let's see if this works...

                                            >"You're under arrest for Bullying in the Second Degree. It's not up to me to decide what happens after this regarding her swearing at you. Now please, come quietly."

                                            >Oh well, prison here makes Norwegian prison look hardcore. Plus, it'd be nice to get a little vacation. Maybe even see what Twilight does in prison.

                                            "Alright, let's go"

                                            >You hop in the carriage and the doors are gently closed behind you as you take a seat.

                                            >Twilight is shaking and sweating like crazy right now.

                                            >The ponice mare starts up her imitation of a police siren again as the carriage begins to move.


                                            >Soon the two of you are brought into a courtroom.

                                            >The justice system of Equestria is very streamlined, since any actual crime is so rare here.

                                            >Plus with pony attention spans being so limited, it's best to keep the ball rolling.

                                            >You both have your court cases.

                                            >Both of you are found guilty and sentenced to a week in prison.

                                            >Though, your sentence was originally three weeks. However, the judge knocked two weeks off because Spergkle 'traumatized' you.

                                            >She even got some gold star taken away from her or some shit, she became hysterical after that news hit her.

                                            >What a baby.

                                            >You both re-enter the carriage and are hauled off to the prison.

                                            >*sniff* "B-but I AM a good noodle!"

                                            >Really?

                                            "Twilight, are you seriously bent out of shape over some sticker?"

                                            >She glares at you through her tears.

                                            >"It wasn't JUST a sticker Anon! *sob* It was a good noodle star that Celestia gave me! I've had it ever since I was a filly! But now..."*sniff*

                                            >She continues sobbing and crying all the way until you pull up to the prison and are led out and into the building.

                                            >She begins hyperventilating as you're led to the processing area.

                                            >Twilight rapid fires prayers to Celestia under her breathe as she spergs out over the realization hitting her of where she is.

                                            "Will you stop that Twilight? If anything, the other inmates are going to think you're an easy target if you keep freaking out!"

                                            >She only shakes and prays harder after you say this.

                                            >After being processed and being changed into your jumpsuits, you're led to your cells.

                                            >Or cell, because apparently they think it's a good idea to lump the two of you into the same one.

                                            >This is better than you could've ever imagined! The two of you will have so much fun!

                                            >You're led into the spacious apartment-like cell

                                            >The guards close the door behind you and leave the two of you alone.

                                            "Welp, home sweet home Spackle!"

                                            >You walk over and sit down in a chair, picking up a newspaper that's lying on the wooden table.

                                            >Let's see if anything interesting happened lately, besides the obvious.

                                            >"Why Celestia? Why do I have to share a cell with HIM!"

                                            >You feign offense with your hand to your chest.

                                            "Why, don't be so rude Twilight! I'll have you know I'm a WONDERFUL roommate!"

                                            >She darts her head over to you, with an angry look on her face

                                            "It's your fault I'm here in the first place! If you wouldn't have bullied me I wouldn't have said a bad word! Then I would've never gotten arrested or lost my good noodle star!"

                                            >You feign offense once again.

                                            "Why Twilight! I didn't TEACH you such language! I'm even sure Celestia didn't either! You swore at me because you had it in you all along champ!"

                                            >She reacts to that with horror.

                                            >"No! I couldn't have had it in me...I'm a good noodle!"

                                            >She's still going with this?

                                            >Time to change that.

                                            "Twilight. Honey, sweetie, princess. You're not a good noodle! Good noodles have that star, and right now? You don't!"

                                            >She looks heartbroken as the realization hits her.

                                            >Without skipping a beat you continue

                                            "But that's ok! Because you know what? You're free now!"

                                            >"H-how am I free? I'm in prison! That's the opposite of free!"

                                            >You continue spelling it out for her.

                                            "No Twiggles! What I mean is, you don't have to carry Celestia's fat ass on your shoulders anymore! The world is your oyster now, and you can do WHATEVER. YOU. WANT! You just gotta, y'know, not be a pushover."

                                            >She gasps at your own swear, but processes the rest of what you said

                                            >"Y-you want me to be a...

                                            >she drops to a whisper

                                            >"...a villain?"

                                            >You're really doing it, you're really going to try to make Twilight "evil"!

                                            "Let me give you a thought experiment Twilight. Imagine you want that good noodle star back. But Celestia won't give it back to you because, I don't know, she's busy packing on more blubber with a giant cake or something. What do you do?"

                                            >She thinks it over

                                            >"C-cry?"

                                            "No! Why is her approval so important to you?"

                                            >She strengthens her resolve

                                            >"Because she's my mentor! And-and she made me a princess! And she's a goddess and, and-"

                                            "And she decided, my dear purple princess, that you're not worthy of her approval! All because you said one teensy little word!"

                                            >Maybe this one was too far, but you're on autopilot at the moment.

                                            >This crushed the resolve she was building, you're really doing this.

                                            "A word that, in my world, is said every day, thousands and thousands of times."

                                            >Fear quickly shows on her face.

                                            >"No! No more about your world! I needed therapy the last time you told me about it!"

                                            >Right, you don't want to break her completely. Just to make her stop being such a little bitch about EVERYTHING.

                                            "My point is, you're here for something that is so minor that my kind finds it absurd. If me teaching you to not just sit there and take it,  and instead not give a shit is being a villain. Then sure, I want you to be a villain!"

                                            >She gasps again, but seem to be actually considering it.

                                            >"I...I...I can't! I may not be a good noodle anymore, but I can't be EVIL!"

                                            >How is she still not getting it?

                                            >Oh right, ponies aren't the brightest bunch.

                                            "I'm not telling you to be EVIL Twi, I'm telling you that you don't have to care anymore about that big white whale and her stuffy, boring rules. I mean, are you seriously telling me there's NOTHING you've ever wanted to do, but couldn't because she said you couldn't for whatever arbitrary reason she came up with?"

                                            >She thinks and smiles back, you got this.

                                            >"W-Well...there IS one thing...See, Celestia has a secret archive that I'm not allowed to go into. She told me that it's for her only and that there's all sorts of scary things in there."

                                            >Yes. Yes, you can work with this.

                                            "There you go, so if you don't have to care anymore, we can go there!"

                                            >Confusion returns to her face

                                            >"But, we're in jail...we can't go there right now..."

                                            "Twilight, do you really think we can't just leave? We can! Just follow my lead, and do EVERYTHING I say, when I say it. And you'll get to your archive."

                                            >Confusion is replaced with nervousness as she realizes that she's about to commit to being a "villain"

                                            >"O...ok."

                                            "Good! Now, watch and learn Spergkle!"

                                            >You open the unlocked door to your cell and walk out.

                                            "This way your highness!"

                                            >You say sarcastically as you bow and gesture outward.

                                            >She carefully steps out of the cell and to your side, time to put this impromptu plan into action.

                                            "Ok, so what I want you to do Twilight is open every door we pass. That'll cover our escape.

                                            >She gasps once again.

                                            >"But...then bad ponies will be let out and wreak havoc!"

                                            "Don't you worry your purple little head. The guards will capture them all because they're not cool like we are! If you want to see what's in that archive, just do it!"

                                            >With more hesitance, she complies and begins opening all the doors in the hall with her magic.

                                            >Ponies begin running out of their cells. Shouting and cheering as the guards come running to try to get them to go back.

                                            >Nopony really stops you as you both walk down the halls as they're too busy with all the other prisoners.

                                            >Twilight has the look on her face like she just killed somepony.

                                            >Well, if murder was even a thing here.

                                            >"Halt! Back to your cells prisoners!"

                                            >Two guards that are guarding the exit approach the two of you, styrofoam spears out.

                                            >Twi lowers her head and begins to walk back before you stop her.

                                            "Hang on there Twilly Willy, check this out!"

                                            >With two extended fingers, you boop the guards on their snootles at the same time.

                                            >They both go cross-eyed and begin speaking gibberish as they sit down on the hard granite floor.

                                            >With a slight push you open the front doors to your freedom.

                                            "Free at last, free at last! Thank God almighty, free at last! Let's go Twilight, you did it!"

                                            >She follows along, still having that mortified look on her face.

                                            "Come on now, why the long face? Besides y'know, being a horse and all."

                                            >She looks at you with tears in her large eyes

                                            >"Anon! I just broke out of jail! I'm a wanted criminal now!"

                                            >So close, yet so, so far.

                                            "I know, isn't it great? You did spectacular by the way.

                                            >She really didn't, but you've broken her heart plenty today.

                                            "Now that we're on the lam, we'll need to get us some disguises. Let's get that sorted and we'll get you to your archive."

                                            >The two of you walk away from the prison, the chaos still happening behind you.


                                            >You are Twilight Sparkle, former good noodle.

                                            >Princess Celestia...why have you forsaken me?

                                            >Anon says that she doesn't approve of you anymore, but that can't be true right?

                                            >RIGHT?

                                            >She did take away your star, and Anon says it was just for saying one little word that just slipped out when he was bullying you.

                                            >Is he bullying you now?

                                            >No...No you don't think so.

                                            >You hate to admit it but...he's making a surprising amount of sense that you can't deny.

                                            >You feel like crying that Celestia has abandoned you like this, but you don't have any more tears to cry after all that's transpired today.

                                            >"Now let's see, should be arou-AHA!"

                                            >Anon goes over to a tree and begins pulling things out of it.

                                            >On the tree is a sign that says

                                            >"Pinkie Pie's Speshul Seecrit Tree Stash DO NOT STEEL!"

                                            >Whenever you one day return to Ponyville, you gotta teach Pinkie how to spell better.

                                            >"Here, put this on Twilight"

                                            >You're met with...somepony new? What?!

                                            "W-who are you? Where'd Anon go?!"

                                            >The imposing figure wearing a cowboy hat and wearing a pony mask sighs.

                                            >"No Twilight! It's me Anon, I'm in disguise! Here's yours by the way."

                                            >He holds out a groucho marx mask for you to take, and you put it on.

                                            "Are you sure this will work Anon?"

                                            >He laughs at your question.

                                            >"Ha! It worked on YOU didn't it? And even I have to admit you're not as dumb as most ponies are! Now where is that archive of yours at?"

                                            >Uh oh, you forgot ONE teensy little detail.

                                            "I kiiiinda forgot that it's in Celestia's castle...heheheh."

                                            >He just rolls his eyes at this.

                                            >"Cool, let's go."

                                            >How's he not scared? You feel like making an accident on the ground just thinking about it!

                                            >The two of you travel through the middle of Canterlot, along the way the two of you stop as you both hear the town crier ringing her bell.

                                            >"ATTENTION! ATTENTION EVERYPONY! A riot has occured at Canterlot Correctional Facility! Many guards and inmates were reduced to tears before the prisoners were sent back to their cells. However, two inmates escaped in the chaos and are believed to have incited the riots! The rogue Princess Twilight Sparkle, and Anonymous the Hyoo-man are wanted by the crown! If you see them, contact your local ponice at once. Do NOT try to apprehend them yourselves! Princess Twilight has powerful alicorn magic, while Anonymous is more cunning than a fox! Stay safe everypony and remain vigilant!"

                                            >The crowd looks around and talks among themselves in fear.

                                            >Not seeming to notice that the two of you are standing among them.

                                            >Wow, he was right, this DOES work!

                                            >You feel sad though to hear that they all consider you to be a 'rogue princess'.

                                            >Is that what you are now?

                                            >You DO have a rap sheet now, and one that is growing by the minute.

                                            >But you REALLY want to see that archive, and Celestia no longer approves of you.

                                            >So maybe it really doesn't matter anymore...

                                            >The two of you press on towards the castle, super secret books here you come!


                                            >You're yet again Anon.

                                            >The two of you walkup to the castle and head inside.

                                            >Twilight leads you down a maze of hallways until you see two guards standing near a sign that says:

                                            >Restricted Access, guards only!

                                            >You already have an idea.

                                            >You turn to Twiggles and whisper.

                                            "Ok Twilight, follow my lead again. You did great last time, keep it up."

                                            >"Are you going to b-boop them again?"

                                            >You shake your head

                                            "No, different plan. Just do what I do to the other guard.

                                            >You turn the corner and walk over to one of the guards.

                                            >"Halt! Guards and Princesses Celestia and Luna only!"

                                            >In a flash you flip one of the guards over on his back and begin rubbing his belly

                                            "Lullaby and goodnight, Go to sleep, Go to sleep little baby!"

                                            >The guard's struggles slow as Twilight runs up and copies what you do with the other guard.

                                            "Close your eyes, Close your eyes, Close your eyes and got to sleep!"

                                            >The guard is snoring now and soon the other follows.

                                            >You look to the side and see a broom closet, and drag the both of them inside.

                                            >You take off their helmets, replacing them with Twilight's groucho mask and your cowboy hat.

                                            "Well, that's an improvement if you ask me! Here, put this on!"

                                            >You hand Twiggles a guard helmet.

                                            >She nods and puts it on.

                                            >You open the twin doors and walk past more guards as you head to the archive.

                                            >Eventually finding yourself between the doors and another set of guards.

                                            >"Celestia and/or Luna only! Sorry guys!"

                                            >Twipie turns to you with a worried face. You got this though.

                                            >Not feeling like rubbing another belly and singing, you decide to outsmart the two of them.

                                            "Oh, well she actually sent us herself! See she's busy eating her 50th cake today, so she asked us to grab something for her to read from the archive before naptime comes around. You know how it goes!"

                                            >The guard scrunches and stands in silence for a few seconds

                                            >"Hmmm....ok! You better hurry though, naptime is coming soon! If she doesn't get it, she might get grumpy!"

                                            >The guard opens the door and lets the two of you in.

                                            >She shuts the door behind the two of you and you walk in a bit before turning to your purple companion

                                            "Well Twilight, the fruits of your labor has arrived! Dig in!"

                                            >She looks like a fat kid in a candy shop as she runs up to the bookshelf, grabbing as many books as she can and begins reading.


                                            >Big Purple marathons book after book as you stand there.

                                            >Now you're actually getting interested.

                                            >What does Celestia think is so bad that she has to keep even her book-addict of a student away from this place.

                                            >Even after she became a princess?

                                            >You pick up one of the books Twilight set aside in the 'finished pile' and flip through it.


                                            >"January 14th, 1382"

                                            >"Two more criminals were sent to the executioner today for theft..."

                                            >She used to have ponies executed? How'd they go from that to...WHATEVER you even call this clusterfuck of a country?

                                            >"Crime has really gotten out of control in Equestria! It really breaks my heart to see an increasing number of youths put to the paddle. It hurts me so much more than it does them to see my subjects' hindquarters set ablaze by th-"


                                            >Oh. Aaaand you lost interest.

                                            >You put it back down and pick up another.

                                            >It's just records of when ponies were born and when they were put in a "bye bye box for their forever nap"

                                            >AKA when they died and were put six feet under.

                                            >Despite your boredom at the really...anti-climactic nature of these books, Twiggles meanwhile looks entranced.

                                            >Her usual look when she's burying her cheeks in a book instead of a hayburger.

                                            >Mixed with...something else you can't tell at the moment.

                                            "Twilight, is this really it? This is boring!"

                                            >She looks up from the book with tears welling in her eyes.

                                            >"H-how could she hide all this from me? S-she used to have ponies spanked? She put ponies in timeout for 2 whole months?! How could she-he-he-heeeeee?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

                                            >Twilight bursts into tears...loudly.

                                            "SHH! Quiet or somepony is going to hear!"

                                            >"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

                                            >She isn't stopping the waterworks

                                            "Twilight."

                                            >You give the crying horse a shake to try and get her to stop.

                                            >"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"

                                            >You are NOT getting caught today. Not now.

                                            "TWILIGHT!"

                                            >You put your hand over her mouth to stop her.

                                            "Shut up! You're going to get both of us caught! Do you want to go back to prison?"

                                            >She slowly shakes her head no to your question.

                                            "Then be quiet! We might already be compromised now. I don't know if these disguises will work on Moby Dick but I don't want to find out...yet at at least."

                                            >Suddenly a new voice comes from beyond the door, one you recognize as belonging to...

                                            >"-was that sound? Is somepony in the archive?"

                                            >FUUUUUUCK

                                            "We gotta go. Quick, find a way out!"

                                            >You both look around frantically.

                                            >You don't care about getting sent back to prison, you could just break out again.

                                            >You care more about the little progress you're making with Twilight on teaching her to stop being so uptight about these kiddy rules and laws.

                                            >"Oh! Two guards went in, they're getting your book now while you eat your 50th cake for the day!"

                                            >A silence hangs in the air as you find a window.

                                            >Please don't be 100 feet in the air.

                                            >"I haven't eaten 50 cakes today! And I never sent anypony to retrieve anything from the archive!"

                                            >"Quick, open the door!"

                                            >You peek and see there's a ledge just underneath the window.

                                            >It'll do.

                                            >You grab your purple protege and jump out as the door opens.

                                            >You both press against the wall underneath in hopes that she won't look under the window.

                                            >The wait feels like an eternity as you hear the clicking of her metal horseshoe...things against the marble floor as she moves around the room.

                                            >Eventually the sound grows fainter and you both breathe a sigh of relief.

                                            >The two of you carefully start moving to get back onto the streets of Canterlot.

                                            >Time to hit the road out of this city.

                                            >You've got childish horses to fuck with and a princess to teach many lessons to.


                                            >You are now Princess Celestia, and you're upset!

                                            >Somepony spread a really MEAN lie about you.

                                            >Saying that you ate 50 cakes today.

                                            >That's not true at all!

                                            >You only had 30!

                                            >Gotta keep the royal waistline trim somehow after all.

                                            >Oh. They also broke into your super secret archive where you hid all the bad things you've done, and things that are boring enough to drive anypony else besides you and your sister insane.

                                            >Anypony else except...

                                            >She was here; Your good noodle of a student.

                                            >And that human stallion who's always being mean to everypony was probably with her too.

                                            >You bet he was the one who said you ate 50 cakes!

                                            >Thankfully, you know just how to stop this.

                                            >You quickly gather your guard captains and brief them on the situation.

                                            "Now that everypony is here I will begin."

                                            "Twilight Sparkle and Anonymous the Human were here in this very castle! I believe that they disguised themselves as guards and broke into the castle's archive that only I and my sister are allowed inside of! He also told the guard at the door a really mean lie about me!"

                                            >They all look around at each other nervously after hearing those names.

                                            >Twilight has always been powerful, especially after you made her a princess.

                                            >And Anonymous has been making your subjects cry or throw tantrums after his first few weeks here. His latest victim being Twilight herself.

                                            >Why is she teaming up with him if he got her in so much trouble?

                                            >Is it because you took away her good noodle sticker?

                                            >She didn't know she was going to get it back after she served her sentence?

                                            >Back to your plan.

                                            "They weren't in the archive when I looked, but I believe them to still be here in Canterlot. I want any and all travel to this city shut down. Anypony either leaving or arriving must be verified by me until Anon and Twilight are either caught or verified to no longer be present within the city limits. Now move out everypony!"

                                            >Your captains give a salute and rush out to inform the guards under their command of your orders.

                                            >Anonymous has gone way too far this time.

                                            >Insulting you, luring poor Twilight into a life of crime and villainy...you'll give him an ENTIRE month for these evil acts of his when you catch them!

                                            >Until your guards find them though, you have a cake to finish.

                                            >It's vanilla buttercream, your favorite!

                                            >They're ALL vanilla buttercream


                                            >Be Anon again.

                                            >You're on the way out of this gaudy mountain-side city.

                                            >You see a lot of shadows moving along the ground and look up.

                                            >In the skies above you see a lot of pegasi guards flying overhead in different directions.

                                            >Damn it, they're working fast.

                                            >Hopefully these disguises will hold for them.

                                            >Either that or you can find another one of these weird hidey-holes Pinkie has.

                                            >Along the way out you don't see any more of her 'secret' stashes, so the guard helmets will have to do.

                                            >Approaching a guard she stops you.

                                            >"Whoa, hey! Nopony leaves or enters the city, you know that!

                                            >Time for another trick.

                                            >You spot a rock along the path leading out of the city and point to it.

                                            "Oh? But didn't you see them ducking under that rock over there? I'm sure I did! Wait here and my partner and I will check it out.

                                            >She opens her mouth to shout to everypony else that you saw "Anon and Twilight" and you quickly stop her.

                                            "WAIT! Don't tell anypony else. If I'm wrong I don't want anypony to laugh. My poor fragile feelings can't take it! Just keep looking ahead until I give the all clear or call for help...please?"

                                            >You do your best to give puppy dog eyes through the mask and praying to whoever will listen that this works.

                                            >"Alright then. I don't want to be mean to you or anything. My former C.O. actually got demoted for an entire week for hurting somepony's feelings! You know that the only demotion at our station is...3 days paid leave!"

                                            >Apparently nopony even gets fired in Equestria because it's 'mean'.

                                            >This fucking place.

                                            "Well I better hurry and go get those two bad guys! Act natural and I'll be right back."

                                            >You signal your purple companion to follow and begin walking as fast as you can down the path.

                                            "Sucker!"

                                            >You hastily make your way down the mountain side and soon Twilight begins talking again.

                                            >"Wow! Anon, how'd you get so smart at tricking everypony like that?"

                                            >You smirk underneath this weird plastic mask

                                            "Simple. Lots of practice and not being an idiot. Humans are used to deception a lot more than ponies are.

                                            >Twilight things for a bit and responds.

                                            >"W-will you teach me to be smarter like that? I need a new mentor now that Celestia doesn't like me anymore, and you outsmarted even her of all ponies!"

                                            >You decide to pat your new student on the head as you respond to her.

                                            "Follow my lead kid and you'll learn everything in no time. Then you and your friends will have the power to do whatever you want regardless of what anypony tries to force you to do or say."


                                            >She stares ahead wordlessly a bit.

                                            >"My friends...hey Anon, now that we're out of Canterlot, can we go back to Ponyville now?"

                                            >You shake your head no.

                                            "Afraid not. That'll be the very first place Sunbutt will expect us to go, we gotta play this smart before we make our return or we'll end up back in prison. Probably even longer this time.

                                            >She looks sullen at hearing this.

                                            >"Ok...what are we gonna do Anon?"

                                            >You already know what to do because poners are so gullible, even Celestia.

                                            "She's hunting us down right? The answer is simple. We'll play some pranks in other towns leading away from Ponyville until she starts hunting in that general direction. Then we just sneak our way back and into Ponyville."

                                            >She grows excited hearing your plan.

                                            >"That's genius! But...I thought of something just now Anon."

                                            >You both stop and you turn to her.

                                            "And what is that Twi?"

                                            >"All my bits are back in Ponyville and yours probably are too! I'm getting hungry and we have no money! What're we gonna do?"

                                            >Shit, she's got a point.

                                            >For now the two of you soldier on. You're sure you'll have an answer soon.


                                            >Eventually, after what you feel was hours upon hours of walking, the two of you finally made it to the base of the mountain.

                                            >It seems there's even a town here called...Baseville.

                                            >As stupid of a name that is; Any port in a storm.

                                            >As you walk down the street, you see a royal guard nailing posters up on the side of a building.

                                            >After he's done you walk up and see what the posters are all about.


                                            >HAVE YOU SEEN THIS PONY?

                                            >Princess Twilight Sparkle

                                            >WANTED!

                                            >Crimes include: Saying a class B swear, inciting a prison riot, escaping prison, impersonating a royal guard, and trespassing.

                                            >Anypony with information leading to the arrest of Princess Twilight and her accomplice will be rewarded with 1000 bits!


                                            >Interesting...what does the other one say?


                                            >HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ~~PONY~~ HYOO-MAN?

                                            >Anonymous

                                            >WANTED!

                                            >Crimes include: Bullying in the second degree, inciting a prison riot, escaping prison, impersonating a royal guard, trespassing, and telling a mean lie about Princess Celestia.

                                            >Anypony with information leading to the arrest of Princess Twilight and her accomplice will be rewarded with 1000 bits!


                                            >Ha! Seems like she figured out that it was you who told that guard that she ate around 50 cakes.

                                            >She even called it 'mean'.

                                            >You gotta remember this if you ever decide to fuck with her directly in the future.

                                            >For now though, a new plan surfaces.

                                            >You turn to bookhoers and whisper.

                                            "Hey Twilight, I think I know how we're gonna get our meal ticket!"

                                            >She seems excited upon hearing that you have a plan.

                                            >"Good! Because I'm huuuuuuungggrrrrrrrrryyyy!"

                                            >Oh god, she better not start whining again.

                                            >The entire trip down the mountain was nothing but "Iiii'mmmm huuuunnnnggggrrrryyyy!" and "Iiii'mmmm tiiiirrrreeed!"

                                            "See these posters? They're paying 1000 bits for the capture of Anonymous and Twilight, so all we gotta do is "capture them."

                                            >The look of confusion she's been having a lot during your little adventure returns once more.

                                            >"B-but...WE'RE Anon and Twilight! How are we going to get the money if we turn ourselves in?"

                                            >You smile and begin to spell out yet another plan to her.

                                            "Well, that's easy! Because we're not going to give them ourselves. We're going to disguise somepony else as us and hand them over. It's a stretch, but if it works it'll be a while until we have to worry about having enough bits while we're on the lam."

                                            >First though, you need the materials.

                                            "We'll need supplies first. Help me search for another one of Pinkie's stashes if she has one here."


                                            >The two of you search around town until Twipie calls out.

                                            >"Hey, I found one!"

                                            >You run over to her and take a look inside of Pinkie's not-so-secret hiding spot.

                                            >Inside are general party supplies like confetti, as well as a propeller hat and some fake black-rim glasses.

                                            >You hand Twilight the glasses while you exchange the guard helmet with the hat.

                                            >Albeit making sure that she can see you do it so she doesn't freak out again.

                                            "Ok, put your helmet in here for now. We'll come get it later, might be best to have multiple disguises. Also, think you can work with all this party stuff?"

                                            >After placing her helmet inside the hole in the tree, she gives a salute and smiles.

                                            >"Sure, I could whip up something to make somepony look like us! Though I started thinking...would they actually go to prison for what WE did?"

                                            >You shake your head.

                                            "I doubt it. If Princess Celestia can see through our disguises like I think she can, she'll see that they're not us and let them go. But by the time she finds out we'll be out of this town!"

                                            >She nods her head.

                                            >"Ok...sorry, your way of things takes a little getting used to. I'll be a good student, promise!"

                                            >You pat Twi on the head, you know by now that she likes it when you do that.

                                            "I'm sure you will be. Now come, we got a little mischief to get up to!"


                                            >You are Bonbon now.

                                            >[spoiler]Though actually, you're Agent Sweetie Drops of S.M.I.L.E. SHHHHH! [/spoiler]

                                            >You're in the town of Baseville right now with your best friend, Lyra.

                                            >You told her you're on a cross-country vacation.

                                            >Truth is, all of S.M.I.L.E. has been dispatched across Equestria to look for the rogue princess and that meanie of a human that escaped.

                                            >You hate lying to your bestie, but Celestia says it's ok for S.M.I.L.E. agents to lie in order to maintain secrecy.

                                            >And if Celestia says it's ok, then it is!

                                            >She makes the rules after all.

                                            >The two of you walk down the street as you look around for clues, until you spot a GIANT of a stallion and a mare.

                                            >They both seem REALLY familiar but you can't quite put your hoof on it...

                                            >Suddenly, the big one calls out to you.

                                            >"Congratulations! The both of you just won a free makeover! Isn't that exciting?"

                                            >Lyra gets excited at the news.

                                            >You are too actually!

                                            >Though you act chill because that's what cool secret agents do.

                                            >"WOWEE! I-I've only won like, 100 things before! Come on BonBon!"

                                            >You follow after your cyan friend and sit down in front of his assistant.

                                            >WHERE have you seen these two before?

                                            "Now then, no looking at each other until the makeover is done! Don't want to ruin the surprise after all! Now my assistant will work her magic and you'll be looking great in no time."

                                            >You feel all sorts of brushing, tugging at your fur and mane, accessories being attached and more.

                                            >Nopony ever said you had to look like poopy while on the field.

                                            >Suddenly, the jolly giant spins the both of you around to face each other.

                                            >"TADA! ALL DONE!"

                                            >Your eyes readjust from the spinning and you see...

                                            "PRINCESS TWILIGHT?! HA, FOUND YOU!"

                                            >The rogue princess gasps.

                                            >"Twilight? But I'm not Twilight! I-I'm Lyra! But wait...y-you're Anon!"

                                            >An obvious trick!

                                            >Good thing you're trained to deal with that.

                                            "Ha! Nice try Twilight! But I already said that I caught you, so there!"

                                            >She begins scooting back away from you.

                                            >"N-no! Stay back! Don't be mean to me Anon!"

                                            >Why does she keep calling you Anon, even after the jig is up?

                                            >Suddenly the giant stallion holds a mirror out in front of your faces.

                                            >"Like it? I find it brings out...the real you. We were hired to find the two of you...Twilight and Anonymous."

                                            >The rea-...no...no! It's not possible!

                                            >Twilight and you both gulp.

                                            >"Y-you mean... I was Twilight all along?"

                                            >T-then that means...

                                            "A-and I was Anon this whole time too?"

                                            >The both of you stare silently at each other for a second.

                                            >After that second of silence, a rush of emotion you can't ignore comes forth.

                                            "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

                                            >Twilight soon joins you

                                            >"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I'M A BAAAAD PONYYYYYYYYYY!!"

                                            "AND-AND I'M A BAD HUUUUUMAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!"

                                            >You can't stop crying!

                                            >This whole time you thought you were Sweetie Drops, hunting two baddies only to find out the biggest twist of all.

                                            >You were one of the baddies you were hunting down all along...."

                                            >The two of you hug each other as the tears flow like a waterfall, the only comfort you have after finding out that you were the one who did so many bad things.

                                            >Soon you're separated by the giant and he begins rubbing your bellies and singing.

                                            >"Lullaby, and goodnight, go to sleep little baby!"

                                            >Despite how AWFUL you feel, you become too tired to continue on.

                                            >Your eyelids become heavier and heavier.

                                            >"Close your eyes, Close your eyes, Close your eyes and go-"

                                            >You can't hear the rest of his song as sleep overtakes you.

                                            >You needed a nap after the revelation you just experienced...


                                            >Be Anon again.

                                            >The plan worked up to this point.

                                            >You put them both asleep because you don't want them crying the entire time.

                                            >"Alright, grab Bonbon there and let's get to the ponice station."

                                            >Your companion picks 'Anon' up and puts 'him' over her back.

                                            >"It really did! But...they were so sad..."

                                            >Time for your usual reminder.

                                            "They'll get over it don't worry. Besides, with this you'll get that nice, juicy hayburger you've been wanting. You still want that, right?"

                                            >She says nothing for a moment but gives an affirmative in the form of her licking her lips.

                                            >The two of you head to the ponice station and swing open the doors.

                                            >The poner at the desk is doodling on a piece of paper with a crayon when you walk up.

                                            "Hello there! We're here to collect that reward the posters mentioned."

                                            >The desk pony looks up from their drawing.

                                            >"What information do you ha-OH SWEET CELESTIA!!"

                                            >She becomes startled after seeing what, or 'who' you both carried in.

                                            >"Y-you caught them! HEY EVERYPONY, THESE TWO CAUGHT THE ROGUE PRINCESS AND THE HYOO-MAN!!"

                                            >Suddenly a bunch of ponice rush forward to gawk at your decoys.

                                            >They all begin cheering loudly after a moment of examining everything.

                                            >As they continue celebrating; Two officers drag Lyra and Bonbon away, presumably into a cell that'd make a 5-star hotel look like a pigsty.

                                            >The ponice chief comes forward with a bag full of coins.

                                            >"Wow! You two are heroes! H-here's the bits! How'd the two of you do it?"

                                            "Oh you know, they were about to cause some more trouble but we sung them to sleep! So, this is the 1000 bits, right?"

                                            >The ponice chief beams back at you and nods.

                                            "Every bit counted, recounted, and rerecounted! Thanks again! Don't go too far though, I'm sure The Princess would want to hold a ceremony in your honor!"

                                            >Fat chance of that.

                                            "Sure, we'll be in town. Come get us at the Baseville Inn, we'll be over there.

                                            >No you won't.

                                            >The two of you leave and head out of the building, with the impromptu party still going on behind you.

                                            "I'd say that was another success! Now, let's go get you that hay-burger, you earned it!"

                                            >Twilight begins jumping up and down.

                                            >"YAY! Thank you master!"

                                            >'Master'?

                                            >Back on Earth you've seen enough porn that 'master' has a completely different connotation to you than she intends.

                                            >And because of that, it just sounds WRONG coming from something as innocent as one of these pastel horses.

                                            "Don't call me that, it's weird. Don't be weird Twilight!"

                                            >She thinks for a second and comes back with another.

                                            >"D-daddy?"

                                            >Oh hell no, that's worse.

                                            "Even worse! You can keep calling me Anon! Now shut up, we're here.

                                            >The two of you walk in and you both order.

                                            >You get a salad and a soda since you can't eat hay.

                                            >While Twilight practically buys the whole stock of hayburgers and hayfries that they have.

                                            >Including THREE chocolate milks.

                                            >All of this costed 100 bits!

                                            >She puts it all away like it's nothing while you calmly eat your salad.

                                            >You suppose she learned from the best glutton there is while she was Celestia's student.

                                            >"Mmmmm...thank you mas-Anon. This is delicious! Who knew being bad could be so good?"

                                            >Bad to a pony maybe.

                                            >But it's a start.

                                            "Now you're getting it! Once we're finished we need to grab some supplies and leave town. Celestia is probably on her way here right now. While she's probably getting winded with every step, I don't want to tempt fate."

                                            >She thinks for a moment.

                                            >"Why do you hate Princess Celestia Anon? Did she take away your good noodle star and abandon you too?"

                                            >So much for getting a start.

                                            >You take a sip of your soda and give it to her straight.

                                            "I don't 'hate' her, I just don't think she's above ridicule. Nopony is! Not her, not you, not even me! The sooner you learn that? The sooner you'll be more free than you've ever imagined!"

                                            >She puts her hoof to her chin to think and looks back at you.

                                            >"Y-you're right! You're saying if we all learn to laugh at everything, and-and stop taking everything so seriously, your life becomes so much more fun and carefree? Am I right?

                                            >She finally gets it.

                                            "Spot on. Come along my UNfaithful student, we've gotta get our supplies and get ready to leave!


                                            >Twilight and you hit the stores in Baseville to stock up on much needed supplies.

                                            >A saddlebag for her, and a backpack for you.

                                            >Food for the journey to the next town as well.

                                            >Which is a LOT since Twilight eats like an elephant.

                                            >True to the rest of her kind, she mainly picks out things loaded with sugar.

                                            >Apparently ponies actually need it.

                                            >Or so you're told.

                                            >You wouldn't be surprised at all if you learned that they COULD live without it just fine if a single one of them tried to break their species-wide addiction.

                                            >However, that's unlikely.

                                            >You also grab some sleeping bags and a tent.

                                            >You have to get a minotaur-sized one which costs...exactly the same despite using more material.

                                            >Pony economics are REALLY WEIRD and fickle.

                                            >After you pay up, it comes out to 150 bits.

                                            >The both of you have blown through a quarter of the reward money in a little over an hour!

                                            >From here on out you're going to have to manage the spending, even if Twilight whines about hayburgers.

                                            >You also bought some maps to navigate.

                                            >Baseville is on the north side of the mountain, putting Hollow Shades as a potential new destination.

                                            >If you stayed north, you'd be able to go there without having to go through the Foal Mountains.

                                            >And you really don't feel like mountaineering with a princess in tow.

                                            >After collecting your things and making sure nothing was forgotten, the two of skip town.

                                            >Hollow Shades, here we come!


                                            >Be Celly Belly.

                                            >That cake was delicious as always!

                                            >Now then, your guards should have plenty of entering or exiting ponies for you to inspect.

                                            >You fly out of the castle and visit each checkpoint.

                                            >No sign of them, at least until you see a guard acting strangely.

                                            >No matter where you move, she just keeps staring forward with no changes in her facial expression.

                                            "Copper Shield? Why do you keep staring ahead like that?"

                                            >Without turning her head she responds.

                                            >"I can't say, he told me not to...Well...you're the princess so I guess it's ok to tell YOU! See, two guards walked up and they think they saw Princess Twilight and Anonymous over there!"

                                            >She points to a nearby rock.

                                            >Why do you have a bad feeling about this?

                                            >"But one of them told me that he was worried that he'd be wrong, and then everypony would laugh and hurt his feelings. He said his feelings were fragile too and I didn't want to be mean so...here I am! He said he'd be right back but he's taking a while. Maybe he's just looking REALLY good?"

                                            >Yep, there it is.

                                            "I'm sorry my little pony, but I believe you've been deceived."

                                            >Her heart visibly sinks.

                                            >"W-what?"

                                            "I believe these two guards were Anonymous and Twilight in disguise. I'll check it out, but if they're not there then the search will need to be expanded.

                                            >She starts tearing up at this

                                            >"I'm...*sniff* I'm sorry I failed you princess..."

                                            >You nuzzle the poor guard and give her a hug until she dries her tears.

                                            "It's ok Copper Shield, you did your best! Now I'm going to go check where you told me to see if they're still there."

                                            >A quick check confirms that they are indeed nowhere in sight.

                                            >It seems the two of them have slipped the net.

                                            >You round up Copper Shield and the rest and inform them of the bad news that the two of them are no longer believed to be in Canterlot.

                                            >As you finish up, one of the guard's couriers runs up to you.

                                            >"Princess! Princess! Great news! Two brave ponies have captured Anonymous and Twilight! They're in a holding cell over in Baseville!"

                                            >As much as you'd like to believe that this is finally over, that sense of dread returns telling you that it's far from it.

                                            "Thank you for telling me, I'll go check it out.

                                            >With a quick announcement, you prepare the royal chariot and fly to Baseville.

                                            >After a short flight you arrive.

                                            >You walk into the police station and everypony bows.

                                            >The police chief rises and looks up at you.

                                            >"Your highness? Are you here to retrieve the fugitives?"

                                            >You nod.

                                            >"I'll lead you to them, we still have them in a holding cell. They haven't tried to escape, maybe they're both tired of running?"

                                            >As you approach you here sobbing and sniffing.

                                            >Sobbing and sniffing that sounds nothing like Twilight, nor have you known Anon to have shed even a single tear in his entire time in your world.

                                            >You open the cell to find...your suspicions to be correct.

                                            >It's hard to tell, but if you look REALLY closely, you can see through the deception.

                                            >Sitting before you are two ponies covered head to hoof in confetti of different colors in a way that makes them resemble the two you're hunting for.

                                            >Suddenly, the one resembling Anon speaks up.

                                            >"P-princess? *sniff* Are you hear to take us away to prison for all the bad things we've done?"

                                            >You recognize that voice...AGENT SWEETIE DROPS?

                                            >You're assuming that her friend is the one disguised as Twilight so you opt to use her cover name.

                                            "No, I'm not here for that. Bonbon, can you tell me what happened?"

                                            >She looks up from staring at the floor as she tells you.

                                            >"I'm really Bonbon? But...I thought I was Anon all along? Or was I re-Nngh, my brain hurts!"

                                            >It really hurts to see two of your subjects in so much emotional distress.

                                            >You hug the both of them to help cheer them up.

                                            "You aren't Anonymous Bonbon. You were just tricked. Can you tell me how this happened?

                                            >She explains to you how the two of them one a makeover from a giant stallion and his mare assistant.

                                            >This is getting out of hoof.

                                            >Suddenly, Lyra joins the conversation.

                                            >"*sniff* y-you mean...I'm NOT a bad pony? Am I really Lyra?"

                                            >You give her a nuzzle to help her get through the emotion she's feeling.

                                            "No Lyra, you're not a bad pony. You're not Twilight, nor are you a bad pony!"

                                            >The two of them cheer up and you order their release after explaining that the two of them aren't Twilight or Anonymous.

                                            >This is getting serious.

                                            >They've not only been outsmarting your royal guard, but even one of your best S.M.I.L.E. agents was outwitted by his mind games.

                                            >Seems there's no other choice, you have to take charge and investigate yourself.

                                            >You have your guards fly you back to Canterlot to stock up on some cakes for the journey, and you set off to hunt for these two yourself.

                                            >Destination: Ponyville.

                                            >If you know Twilight, and you do, she'll be wanting to go back home to her friends.

                                            >And knowing Twilight, she'll drive Anonymous crazy with her whining until he concedes.

                                            >Whether they'll have stuck together at that point is anypony's guess, though one for two is not bad.

                                            >Maybe then you'll be able to bring your wayward student and fellow princess back into the fold and return her good noodle status.

                                            "Don't worry Twilight, I'm coming."