Macho Man One Shot


                                            Originally Published December 22nd, 2012


                                            >N: Day OOOOOH YEAH in Equestria.

                                            >N: You are Randy Savage-

                                            MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE.

                                            >N: …Macho Man Randy Savage, and you are currently in the uppermost branches of a tree.

                                            RESPECT THE MACHO MADNESS MAN.

                                            >N: You don’t really remember how you got to Ponyville; the last memory of your life on Earth involved driving with your wife.

                                            THE BEAT GOES ON MAN.

                                            >N: ….yes. You missed her sometimes, but right now you were focusing on the Yellow Menace that had chased you up a tre-

                                            IF YOU GO AGAINST THE MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE YOU CAN ONLY EXPECT TO BE DEFEATED.

                                            >N: As I was saying; Flutt-

                                            COMPARITIVELY SPEAKING, YOU ARE LIKE A LONE EARTH PONY IN THE REALM DRAGONS. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A SEA-PONY IN THE OCEAN.

                                            >N: Uh-

                                            AND IIIII AM THE ENTIRE OCEAN; YEAH.

                                            >Fluttershy slowly begins crawling up the reverse side of the tree.

                                            >N: Randy…

                                            PINKIE PIE IS ICING THE CHAMPAGNE AS WE SPEAK.

                                            >”OHMYGOSHIMSOEXCITED!” Pinkie is sitting by the tree with a bucket of ice and a bottle of Berry Punch Special Vintage Champagne.

                                            BECAUSE TODAY IS THE DAY THAT THE YELLOW MEN-ASS IS GOING DOOOOOOOOOOWN…OH YEAH.

                                            >Fluttershy swoops down on you and puts you in a full nelson, giddily dragging you towards her cottage.

                                            [INSERT GIRLY SCREAM HERE.]

                                            >Using the above scream, you pelt her with slim jims and with tears in your eyes, offer her the Championship Belt in exchange for your freedom.

                                            >”O-oh, you’re ab-bout to find out what I’m ch-champion at.” Her eyes light up with carnal passion as she speaks.

                                            >The door to her house closes, and the sounds of your girlish Macho Man screams of “NO” fill the forest.

                                            >N: Well fuck; Fluttershy wins…Now about that champagne Pinkie…..

                                            END.