GREEN   240   0
   673 3.73 KB    74

Python Anon

By Greggums
Created: 2021-10-24 10:31:23
Expiry: Never

  1. 1.
    Originally Published July 6th, 2013
  2. 2.
     
  3. 3.
    >Day Completely Different in Equestria
  4. 4.
    >You are Anon.
  5. 5.
    >Do the morning Triple-S.
  6. 6.
    >Wake up.
  7. 7.
    >Have a mini-existential crisis while you wonder why you keep shitting in your bed.
  8. 8.
    >Burn the fourth bed this week.
  9. 9.
    >Head downstairs to grab a delicious bowl of Pinkie Smacks.
  10. 10.
    >It’s part of a balanced breakfast.
  11. 11.
    >”It’s four in the afternoon. So wouldn’t it be lunch?”
  12. 12.
    Well shit. You’re right!
  13. 13.
    >You turn around to further thank the mystery voice and find Fluttershy on your couch.
  14. 14.
    >Dammit.
  15. 15.
    Why are you in my house?
  16. 16.
    >”I’m here to guess your fetish and make you love me. I also came to give you another laxative because you keep waking up late.”
  17. 17.
    >Stupid question. You already knew th-.
  18. 18.
    >Laxatives?
  19. 19.
    >You grab a nearby calculator as you sit down to eat.
  20. 20.
    Alright Fluttershy. The both of us know you aren’t going to leave until you make your guess, and I have to figure out how much money you owe me before I go to work.
  21. 21.
    >Fluttershy stares at you, slightly confused.
  22. 22.
    >”What do you mean, Anon?”
  23. 23.
    >You jam the first spoonful of cereal into your mouth as you start pushing buttons on the calculator and drawing graphs on the table.
  24. 24.
    I mean that as long as you don’t interrupt me, you can guess my fetish.
  25. 25.
    >You can feel her smile burn into you from across the room.
  26. 26.
     
  27. 27.
    >You can see her move behind you out of the corner of your eye.
  28. 28.
    >You start to regret what you told her as you pray she doesn’t guess pegging.
  29. 29.
    >You brace for the feeling of cold dildo pressing its way into your colon.
  30. 30.
    >*snip snip*
  31. 31.
    >Umm.
  32. 32.
    >”Are haircuts your fetish, Anon?”
  33. 33.
    >You sigh.
  34. 34.
    No Fluttershy. They aren’t.
  35. 35.
    >You can feel the scissors brush past your ears.
  36. 36.
    >”Eeep! Did I get you ears?”
  37. 37.
    >You turn around.
  38. 38.
    No, no, you didn-WAIT A MINUTE!
  39. 39.
    >Where Fluttershy should be clumsily wielding a pair of hair shears, is a tape recorder.
  40. 40.
    >Fluttershy herself is rocking slowly by the sink.
  41. 41.
    What the hell are you doing?
  42. 42.
    >”I NEVER EVEN WANTED TO BE A RAPIST! MY MOTHER MADE ME DO IT!”
  43. 43.
    >Wow.
  44. 44.
    >She rears up and grabs your shoulders.
  45. 45.
    >”DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE TO GUESS FETISHES AT BLOW-UPSTALLIONS FOR FIVE YEARS?”
  46. 46.
    >WOW.
  47. 47.
    Fluttershy…I’m-
  48. 48.
    >”I always wanted to be a lumberjack.”
  49. 49.
     
  50. 50.
     
  51. 51.
    …Beg your pardon?
  52. 52.
    >”LEAPING FROM TREE TO TREE AS THEY FLOAT DOWN THE MIGHTY BRITISH COLTLUMBIA! THE LARCH! THE FIR! THE MIGHTY SCOOTS PINE!”
  53. 53.
    >She walks out of the left door of your kitchen and reappears through the right door a second later, wearing suspenders and a flannel.
  54. 54.
    >You can hear a chorus of manly voices singing somewhere in your house.
  55. 55.
    Fluttershy what are you doing?
  56. 56.
    >”THE SMELL OF FRESH CUT TIMBER! THE CRASH OF MIGHTY TREES! AND WITH MY ANON BY MY SIDE, “
  57. 57.
    >You find yourself by Flutternutter’s side, wearing a white blouse and blue skirt.
  58. 58.
    WHAT THE HELL!
  59. 59.
    >“WE’D SING, SING, SING.”
  60. 60.
    >Flutters wraps her wing around you as someone plays a piano you don’t remember buying.
  61. 61.
    >”I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay. I sleep all night; I work all day.”
  62. 62.
    >The camera jumps over to Spike and the rest of the Mane 6 and Applejack, who are all dressed up as Mounties.
  63. 63.
    >”She’s a lumberjack and she’s o-”
  64. 64.
    STOP!
  65. 65.
    >You pry off Fluttershy’s wing and the music stops. The choir of Mounties scrambles out through the back door.
  66. 66.
    >”So comedic musical numbers about sociopaths becoming lumberjacks aren’t your fetish, Anon?”
  67. 67.
    Why on earth would you think that?
  68. 68.
    >She stares at the floor and kicks at it with her hoof.
  69. 69.
    >”I thought it was sexy?”
  70. 70.
    >Your nose almost breaks upon your hands impact with your face.
  71. 71.
    >You rest your hands upon her wings and grip tightly.
  72. 72.
    Get out of my house.
  73. 73.
    >You throw her out through the wall before you head off to work at your tobacco shop.
  74. 74.
    >Today was a Flying Circus kinda day.

c: April Fool

by Greggums

Trixie's Machine

by Greggums

Delectable Scrotum

by Greggums

Fracture: The Breaking of the Shaft

by Greggums

Fracture: Anon in Zoo-Land

by Greggums