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Parenting At Its Finest

By anonkuru
Created: 2020-11-18 19:36:16
Expiry: Never
anoncelestialunasafecomedy

  1. >be anon
  2. >your life was normal for a while
  3. >until you had to raise two cartoon looking ponies for couple years
  4. >it was weird time for you and half of the time wondered if you were hallucinating
  5. >you tried to make sure they wouldn’t be caught outside
  6. >once in a while you would go hiking with them, with both of them inside your hoody
  7. >that’s how you came to name the blue pony Luna, for the love of the night sky and the moon
  8. >then you named the white pony Celestia, because her wings look like an angel’s
  9. >chicks with the name of Angel was always a whore so you chose not to use that name
  10. >as time went on you treated them like your daughters
  11. >you never imagined in your life you’ll learn to bake because Celestia loved cakes
  12. >to the point of learning how to bake so you wouldn’t go bankrupt buying cakes
  13. >seriously how did she eat so much?
  14. >the one day poof, gone
  15. >it took years to accept that they’re gone
  16. >you still wonder what happened to them
  17.  
  18. >times passed and you wake up on a grassy land
  19. >last thing you remember was someone coughed on you
  20. >you eventually found a small village, with small pones that reminded you of Celestia and Luna
  21. >maybe you can find them here, it’s been years but you want to know if they are here
  22. >the town is somewhat wary of you on which you didn’t blame them
  23. >though something was off after you told what happened
  24. >“Oh you poor stallion, you’re all alone in this world! Come into my home and we’ll get this sorted out.”
  25. >why were they treating you like some fragile thing?
  26. >“Now you sit right here and don’t worry your little head.”
  27. >only that wasn’t was a purple pony named twilight
  28. >she’s writing a letter with a quill and ink
  29. >“And there, send it spike.”
  30. >Almost immediately a letter is sent back, twilight reads it
  31. >“Huh. It looks like they want to see you immediately. I wonder why.”
  32.  
  33. >a chariot pulled by sentient pegasus
  34. >you’re not going to question the absurdity of it
  35. >though the city full of ponies made you reminisce when you raised Luna and Celestia
  36. >when the main gate to the palace opens you see a hall larger than any building you’ve been in
  37. >fancy carpet, fancy drapes, fancy pillars, the works
  38. >as you approach the two figures sitting on the throne with twilight they look familiar
  39. >really familiar, then you hear their soft voices
  40. >“Daddy?”
  41. >“Father?”
  42. >before you knew it the tall white one, clears the court
  43. >the cute looking dressed up ponies leave one by one, even the guards
  44. >then before you know it you’re tackled by two bigger ponies
  45. >“Father it really is you!”
  46. >“Daddy!”
  47. “Celestia? Luna?”
  48. >it was almost impossible to believe it, but you found them
  49. >your girls, all grown up as princesses
  50. >you’re not sure if it was your parenting but you’re still proud of them
  51. >after a long time cuddling and hugging, which they didn’t get that habit rid of there was something you needed to know
  52. “How did you two get here? You just up and turned disappeared.”
  53. >Both Celesita and Luna didn’t have an answer, only they woke up just like he did
  54. >strange but you weren’t going to question it, you found your darling daughters again, a family reunited once more
  55. >though one thing did nag you
  56. “I’ve been noticing, why is the gender thing reversed? Was it always like that when you guys came here?”
  57. >Celestia and Luna nervously chuckles at your question
  58. >the same reaction they gave you when you couldn’t find the pound cake you made to give them in the afternoon
  59. >Celestia clears her throat while Luna avoids your gaze
  60. >“W-well daddy… you see. It’s a really funny story.”
  61.  
  62. >this room was way too gaudy for your own taste
  63. >then again they are royalty, it’s kinda weird
  64. >but who would have a personal room for tea, a tea room?
  65. >what’s next a cake room?
  66. >your previous girls, royalty, ruling a kingdom of their own
  67. >you couldn’t be any more prouder, was something you thought
  68. > “Ever since we stranded here we missed you everyday. There was so many things we wanted do for you.”
  69. >Celestia sipped on her tea
  70. >“We sort of… projected our regret for failing to protect you when we disappeared to other stallions. It was first few laws to protect the stallions. Before we knew it, it went out of hoof.”
  71. “Girls…”
  72. >you pinched the bridge of your nose
  73. >Luna squirms in her seat, then pointed her hoof to Celestia, “Tia did it!”
  74. >Celestia sputters. “What! You made your laws too!”
  75. >Luna huffs “Not much as you since you banished me to the moon for one thousand years!”
  76. “You banished your sister for one thousand years?”
  77. >Celestia then pointed her hoof at Luna. “Because she tried to bring eternal darkness!”
  78. “You tried to do what?”
  79. >Celestia and Luna went on to argue, being honest you didn’t miss that part.
  80. >though they didn’t throw anything like they did when they were children
  81. >you still remember the amount of glass shard you had to clean that one time
  82. >where did you go wrong? Sure you weren’t the perfect father to them but to change an entire society?
  83. “Girls, enough!”
  84. >“We’re sorry, father.” Luna said as she looked down
  85. >“We’re sorry…”
  86. >it was really unfair when they used that puppy eyes on you
  87. >your daughters, royal princesses that rules a nation you couldn’t be prouder
  88. >if not for flipping a gender norm upside down
  89. >yet they still argue just the same
  90. >parenting at its finest
  91.  
  92. >A cake room, she had a cake room.
  93. “Celestia…”
  94. >You pinch the bridge of your nose, a fucking cake room for eating cakes. You couldn't be more disappointed than ever
  95. >You taught her better than this
  96. >Seriously, you don’t know how many times you taught her the danger of being hyped on sweets.
  97. >For one, she would be hyper until the morning after
  98. >For two, she vibrated
  99. >Literally
  100. >You knew, no, hoped that Celestia knew better in her wiser age
  101. >Then again, you didn’t kick your cigar habit yet
  102. >Like father like daughter
  103. >“Honestly daddy, I only have cake a few times a day! Compared to when I was a foal isn’t that a progress?”
  104. >She looks up to you with such hopeful eyes
  105. “Define few.”
  106. >“Uh…”
  107. >She listed it out: Morning cake, before court cake, mid court cake, before lunch cake, dessert, after lunch dessert palate cleanser cake, almost end of court cake, end of court cake, cake during paperwork, cake after paperwork, before dinner cake, dessert, after dinner dessert palate cleanser cake, cake she shares with luna when she wakes up (her eating most of it), before bed cake, sometimes midnight cake, then finally sleeping while eating cake
  108. >yfw
  109. >Where did you go wrong?
  110. >You inhale sharply while massaging your face, slowly, slow deep breaths, it was up to the lord now to hold in your urge to take off your shoe to smack her senselessly
  111. “Celestia, sweetie. You used to have three cakes a day, then down to one. This is taking a step forward then tumbling down the stairs.”
  112. > “I’m sorry…”
  113. “Celestia no sweets for-”
  114. >Then you see it
  115. >A sugar shaker
  116. >You remembered those days
  117. >Celestia opening the sugar jar then drinking it like it was fucking beer
  118. >Sugar High Celestia = wrecked house and Luna crying out of fear in the corner
  119. “Celestia, what is this?”
  120. >“Sug- Salt shaker…?”
  121. >She avoids your gaze, her face already gave you the answer
  122. >It was good to know she was still a terrible liar
  123. >Easy to say the shoe was off after that

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