GREEN
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1326 7.36 KB 153
1326 7.36 KB 153
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Originally Published June 6th, 2014
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>Day You were only 19 years old in Equestria
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>You loved Shrek so much, You had all the merchandise and movies
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>You prayed to shrek every night before bed, thanking him for the life you’ve been given
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“Shrek is love” You say. “Shrek is life”
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>Twilight hears you and calls you a faggot
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>You knew she was just jealous of your devotion for Shrek
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>You call her a cunt
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>She calls Spike to slap you and sends you to go to sleep
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>You’re crying now, and your face barely hurts
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>A warmth is moving towards you
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>You feel something touch your leg
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>Its shrek
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>You’re so happy
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>He whispers in to ear. “this is my swamp”
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>”…If that’s okay with you”
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Oh for fucks sake….
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>You sit up, throwing the blankets aside in frustration.
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Fluttershy, If you’re not going to put any effort into this, then why are you even here?
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>She pulls a script out from under her wing. ”Umm… to fill you with my oniony seed?”
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>You facepalm with the force of three Gabens/ft^2
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Twilight, please explain why we’re all here, would you?
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>Twilight comes up the stairs, halfway made up as Dragon.
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>”I’m afraid I don’t know why we’re doing this either.”
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>The nerve of these ponies…
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Like I told you before, I have insomnia.
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>They stare at you, heads tilted from stupidity.
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So we’re doing this to help me sleep?
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>Twilight ruffles through her script.
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>”I’m sorry Anon, but I don’t see how acting out this rape fantasy is going to help you sleep.”
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Well that’s because you’re full of dreck. KEEP PERFORMING!
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>The two sigh as Twi heads back down to make up and Fluttershy goes back to scaring the bounty hunters.
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>Thankfully, Rarity and Spike’s performances as Lord Farquaad and Fionna managed to save the production.
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>You fell into the deepest, soundest sleep you’ve ever had.
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>In fact, it was such a deep sleep that you fell into a minor coma.
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>You open your eyes to a sea of white.
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>Well, it’s not white, really.
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>More a shade of off-white.
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>Like a really, really, really, really, pale shade of green.
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>You swear you’ve seen this color before, but you can’t quite remember where.
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>Tired of floating, you peel off your shoe and throw it.
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>Thankfully the void is frictionless, and you float off away from your shoe.
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>Day 1: As you float on, you begin to start focusing on sharpening your mind.
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>Day 1 ½: You’ve given up on the quest for enlightenment.
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>Day 6: You threw your other shoe to gain speed.
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>Day 10: You dropped a deuce to see if you would elevate. You did.
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>Day 14: At least, you think you raised up a little. Better try again to make sure.
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>Day 98: You’ve lost all track of time as dank brown logs start whizzing around you.
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>Day 5: The void knows your secrets…you can feel it.
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>Day 7777777777: 7
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>Day 394: You hear howling in the distance.
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>Day 2: Turns out it was your shoe hitting your ear.
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>Day 99: You can see tall, thin columns off in the distance.
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>Day 122: They’re closer now, but you’re losing speed….somehow.
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>Day 34: Ropes of jizm trail off behind you as you try to increase your speed. It works.
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>Day 2222: You’ve reached the columns.
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>As you move towards the front of the structure, you can see it’s almost as wide as tall and that there are words at the very top.
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>You squint, and can just barely make them out.
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…What the fuck is a “4chan”?
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>As you read the header, the memories come flooding back to you.
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NO!
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>YES! They surge back with tremendous speed….the OP who put his dick in the skull, the rodge-
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FUCK OFF!
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>MAKE ME!
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>You curl into a ball as /mlp/ uploads to your memory banks, paralyzing you with its odd mix of feels, jokes, pastas, and mind rapes
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>Footsteps come to a halt near your huddled form.
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>You look up only to see…him.
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>The glorious one.
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>m00t.
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>”You okay?”
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>His glorious voice silences the demons in your mind.
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>You stand up shakily, taking his glorious hand.
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>”Let me guess: You’re here because you tried to act out ‘Shrek is love’?”
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H-how did you-
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>”You aren’t the first person to try re-enacting stupid shit they read online.”
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>He gloriously gestures to the list of boards.
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>”Come. Let’s walk.”
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>As you walk, you tell him about how you ended up in 4chan.
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>He gloriously nods his glorious head, as if in glorious thought.
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>Glorious.
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>”It sounds to me like you’re here for one of two reasons:”
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>”One: You were brought here in order to move past some obstacle in your life. Or…”
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>GAZEINTENSIFES.JPG
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>”You’re here for loli.”
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Ummm…I’m pretty sure I’m here for that first one.
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>You can see a look of slight disappointment in his face.
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>”Oh. Okay.”
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>He shuffles over to the /mlp/ link and clicks it.
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>Quickly scrolling down the page, he finds the thread he’s looking for.
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>Flutterrape.
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What are we doing here?
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>He turns to face you, “Well the way I see it, you’re here because you’ve got a mental block.”
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>He knocks on your head to demonstrate his point.
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>”Stuff comes in, but nothing comes out. So…”
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>He tosses you a keyboard and plugs the cable into the ‘reply’ button.
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>”…The only way for you to go home is to write your way out. No matter how bad it is.”
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>You look down at the keyboard.
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Are you sure? Times have changed. I mean, I haven’t written anything in almost a year!
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>m00t places his hands on your shoulders.
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>”Trust me…But if you are here for loli, it’ll just be a quick dip into the archives and-”
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I don’t want any loli.
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>”Fine fine. Good luck.”
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>m00t disappears in a shower of golden water.
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>At least, that’s what you hope it is.
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>You stare down the keyboard for a good hour before finally starting to type.
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> “Day You were only 19 years old in Equestria”….
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>beep….
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>beep….
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>beep….
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>Are…are you beeping?
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>beep….
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>Dick.
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fuggoff
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>”Anon?!”
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>Your eyes start to shyly flutter open, and you can see a colorful blob sitting next to you.
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Whozat?
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>The blurriness goes away as your eyes, unfocused from disuse, begin to make things clearer.
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Twilight?
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>”No Anon, it’s me! Spike!”
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>Goddamnit.
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>You struggle to give him your traditional whuppin’, but he holds you back down.
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>”Easy Anon. You’ve been asleep for a few weeks now. The doctors don’t want you straining yourself.”
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Spike? Where is everyone?
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>”Well that’s kinda an open-ended question. Who knows where every given pony could be right n-”
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>You try to pinch the bridge of your nose, but your fingers end up by your neck instead.
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No, smartass. Why aren’t the girls here?
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>Spike gives a cheeky grin, “That’s more like it!”
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>Asshole.
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>”Well, after your play, they decided that it would be best to ignore you for a while.”
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Figures….how’d I get here though?
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>You can see a blush on his face.
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…Spike?
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>”Well,” he starts rubbing the back of his head,”Fluttershy said she needed my help with something at your house…”
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>Please no.
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>”And when I got to your room, she set me on the bed…”
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>Please dear god no.
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>”And told me I couldn’t leave until I had sex with you. Then she went out and locked the door.”
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>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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>”And that’s when I noticed your breathing was really shallow. So I snuck out the window and brought you here.”
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>ohthankgod
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Well, thanks Spike…I guess.
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>As you flail at hugging your savior, you realize that for once, you weren’t almost killed by
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>Fucking Fluttershy.
by Greggums
by Greggums
by Greggums
by Greggums
by Greggums