GREEN
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2189 12.48 KB 229
2189 12.48 KB 229
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Originally Published March 8th, 2018
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Turns out I'm stupid and forgot to put this in the right order with the other entries.
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Read this after Interlude in Pink, but before Navel Oranges. Read everything else in the order posted. Thank you.
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>Day...Hell, you've honestly lost count
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>You are Anonymous, sole human in Equestria
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>It has been one year to the day since the magical cast and sutures on your dong disappeared
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>It's a bit of a long story
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>Totally wasn't embarrassing at all walking around with a big cast on your junk for 2 months
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>It felt like years while it was on though
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>So many loads you could have blown...
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>"Anonymous? You've stopped walking. Are you alright?"
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Hmm? Oh, sorry. Just lost in thought. You go on ahead.
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>You are currently taking Fluttershy, or her clone rather, to Twilight's for a checkup
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>Another long story, lots of blood that needed to be cleaned up that day
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>Fluttershy continues walking ahead towards Twilight's Castle at your affirmation, and you went slowly after her
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>You never could get used to that crystal monstrosity, nor Twilight's coronation as the Princess of Friendship.
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>Granted, she really was an excellent friend outside of her morally dubious experiments, but she could never get o-
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>"ANONYMOUS WOULD YOU GET INSIDE ALREADY?!", a purple princess hush-screamed at you. "SHE COULD BE WATCHING!"
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1/
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Twilight, I've told you time and again that Celestia doesn't care about your "projects."
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>"But she DOES, Anon, I know it! Why else would she make me a Princess?"
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To reward you for finally coming out of your NEET-o-sphere and saving the world a few times?
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>"Or maybe it's because she wants the stress of my higher position to make me crack and confess, but that ain't happening!" Twilight beams, confidently
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>This confidence is quickly replaced by a nervous glance at a somewhat conspicuous flowerpot in the corner of the room
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"N-not that I have anything to confess, no ma'am!"
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>She casually turns the plant around as she serves up tea and cookies for the three of you
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>It's a nice and fragrant black tea, and the cookies are ginger snaps
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>"So, Anon, how has she been doing?"
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Mphhmohmma, you mumble through a mouthful of cookies
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>If ever you had a weakness, it was ginger snaps
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>Twilight smiles and shakes her head
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>"Glad to see those baking lessons are paying off. So, Fluttershy, how would you say you are doing?"
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2/
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>"Mphmpmah."
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>Shy's mouth is stuffed to bursting with cookies as well
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>You choke a bit as you laugh a crumb into your windpipe
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>Twilight just shakes her head
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>A purple aura surrounds the tray of cookies and lifts them towards the cieling
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>"I'm sorry, Shy, I didn't quite catch that."
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>Twilight hands Fluttershy one of the cups of tea, pulling out a small journal as she does so
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>Fluttershy takes a sip of tea to soften up the cookies, and swallows
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>"Things are going well, Twilight. Anon has been a very gracious houseguest, and the animals have really taken to his being around."
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Oh stop, you flatter me.
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>It really wasn't too hard
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>As long as you took the carnivores fishing every now and then, you avoided most of the major problems
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>Everything else was handled by your admittedly shoddy impersonation of their original master
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>"I'm serious! For some reason the animals just seem to ignore me lately."
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>"Interesting...", Twilight scribbles furiously in her notebook
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>Her horn lights up again, and a small necklace appears in Twilight's hooves
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>It's the Element of Kindness, its gem dull and washed out
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>"Let's see if you're able to synchronize, Fluttershy."
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3/
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>Twilight lowers the Element, moving Fluttershy's mane out of the way so it can rest on her neck
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>Twilight releases her aura, and the Element glows a bright teal
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>Fluttershy's eyes go white as she floats into the air
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>A magic wind begins swirling around the sitting room as the power of the-
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>PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBT
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>The Element loses its glow, and Fluttershy's return to their mint green as she falls back onto the couch.
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>"Ow."
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Heh.
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>"Anon! This is not funny!", Twilight glares at you
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I think it's very funny, Twi. I mean, it's a powerful magical artifact and it farts.
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>Twilight scribbles into her journal again, still glaring at you
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>Fluttershy quietly hands the Element back to Twilight
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>"I thought it was pretty funny" another voice chimes in
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>It's coming from a little dragon holding a big scroll of paper
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Thank you, Spike!
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>Twilight rolls her eyes
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>"Anon, please, I've seen Spike laugh because his Alpha-Bits spelled 'Boty'."
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>"No, I was laughing because they almost spelled 'Booty'."
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4/
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Point is, his opinion has more weight than yours here.
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>"I....I guess you're right."
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>Twilight stops writing for a moment
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>The castle goes deathly silent
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>Fluttershy quietly takes a sip of tea
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>Your breathing feels like the loudest thing in existence
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>"HMH", Spike clears his throat, breaching the forced calm
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>"Well...I better go give this scroll to Trixie. She said something about Starlight's birthday coming up soon and...yeah..."
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>With that, he heads to some other room in the castle
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>"Y-yes. Anyway Anon, as I was saying," Twilight continued "I don't think this very funny."
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>She flips through her the pages in her journal
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>"The Elements of Harmony are very...'finicky', to put it plainly. It probably thinks something is missing from Fluttershy, but I'm not sure what..."
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>You look over at Fluttershy
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>She seems to have gone pale
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>"M-missing something?"
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>Her teacup starts to shake a bit in her hooves
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>Twilight sees this as well and changes tone
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>"Don't worry Shy, it's probably just some magic dissonance from your progenitor. I'm sure that you'll be using your Element in no time!"
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>She smiles, probably a bit more than she needs to
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>But it takes the edge off Fluttershy, and she gives a small smile in return
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5/
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So, what are you making there?
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>Twilight began the second phase of testing some time ago
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>Something about "Shallow Memory Reading" and "MagiMuscle Coordination", and a whole slew of other 20 dollar words
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>She was one damned thorough mare when it came to tests
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>You thought it was boring as hell, so you wandered off to see what Spike and Trixie were up to
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>"Why, it is a drawing of the 'iced cream' Starlight told Trixie so much about!"
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>Trixie beams with pride as she passes you the scroll
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>"Trixie made it 'swirled' flavor.
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>Taking a look, it's a double-scoop of swirled ice cream on some kind of fancy cup
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>Literally, the two scoops were resting on top of the glass
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>Wasn't even drawn that well
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>They kinda looked more like wrinkly peaches than ice cream, really
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Hmmm...
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>You grab a pencil as inspiration strikes
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It's almost perfect Trix, you just need a few condensation lines here and OH! A streak of ice cream coming off the bottom of the glass like this...
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>Trixie watches with awe as you make her drawing into the best birthday card it can be
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>Spike is holding back giggles as you turn her ice cream into a veiny wang
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And a few sprinkles for good measure~!
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6/
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>Trixie looks stunned by your handiwork
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>"Th-thank you, Anonymous! Starlight is sure to love this!"
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>Spike composes himself for a moment
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>"You sure, Trixie? I thought Starlight was more of a mare's mare-PFFTThehehe", he says, relapsing into giggles
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>"Mare's mare?' Trixie ponders the question over her birthday card
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>"Heheheh"
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Yeah, I don't think she'd be able to handle such a thick and meaty birthday card
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>The tips of her ears turn bright red, and soon the rest of her face follows suit
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>"T-T-TTRIXIE NEEDS A GREAT AND POWERFUL ERASER!" She screams as she flails around in her art supplies
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>You and Spike fall to the floor, rolling as Trixie alternates between erasing your drawing and batting at the two of you
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>She hits pretty hard despite her slight frame
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ow-OWOW!Shit! I was just kidding, calm down!
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>"Trixie, what are you doing?" A voice calls into the room
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>Looking over, it's Fluttershy, who looks a little upset
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>"ANONYMOUS TURNED TRIXIE'S BIRTHDAY GIFT INTO A VULGAR SIDESHOW PIECE!"
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I used pencil, didn't I? It'll get covered up easy with some paint.
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>You hoist yourself onto your feet
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7/
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So all your tests done, then?
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>Fluttershy nods, "Yes, Twilight says everything is okay, barring my inability to use the Element of Kindness. She's still unable to find the cause though."
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>Ooph, that's got to be a bit of a bummer
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Don't worry about it Shy, I'm sure it'll come back to you soon enough.
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>You head around the room, saying your goodbyes
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>Trixie gives you a small huff
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Oh come on, I'm sure Shimmer will enjoy whatever you give her.
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>This softens her up a bit, just enough to give you a weak hoofshake
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>Spike asks "Are we still on for this Wednesday?"
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Sure, I even figured out a way to get AJ involved too, so don't worry.
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>He hugs your leg
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>He hugs it a bit longer than he should, probably
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>You kinda smear him onto Trixie as you leave
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Night guys! Night, Twilight!
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>You open the door, seeing the sky for the first time in hours
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>The sunset gets you right in the eyes, and it hurts like hell
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>But with Fluttershy in tow, you head back to her cottage
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>Twilight, however, is spazzing out behind you and calling for Spike to bring the notebooks
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8/
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>The air is refreshing and cool as you make your way back to Fluttershy's cottage
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>You pass by your house along the way, tarps on its windows
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>Only you knew the tarps were just for show
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>"So, your house is still being painted?", Fluttershy pipes up
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Oh, uh yeah. Apparently they can't get the right type of primer that covers the woodscrews.
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>"O-oh. Okay then."
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>Wew, thank god she knows nothing about construction
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>The rest of your walk is fairly quiet
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>The crickets and cicadas make a chirpy soundtrack to your walk
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>Eventually, you reach the cottage
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>A comfy little shack that Fluttershy shares with you, Angel, and Discord
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>When you enter, it's still and dark
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Hey Shy, what day is it today?
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>"Monday, Anon. Why?"< Fluttershy responds as she heads upstairs
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No reason, just wondering where everyone is.
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>You take off your shoes, and set your jacket on the coatrack
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>Being Monday night, Angel was probably out in the Red Light district overseeing his business ventures
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>Which would mean Discord is...
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>"Discord is...what?"
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HOJEEZE
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9/
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>The coatrack, it turns out, was a very big antler
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>Connected to a very tiny Discord resting on top
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>"Oh my, Anonymous, were you hoping I wasn't here? Expecting a romantic evening alone with Miss Shy?"
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>His eyes grow large and flutter-flitter at you
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No, you perv. Just making sure my roommates aren't off in a ditch somewhere.
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>He snaps off his antler, making you wince a bit
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>He then pops back to full size, and inflates a new antler from his head
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>"Yeah yeah, I like you too and all. Now, what show are we going to marathon tonight?"
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>The couch you two used as a bed is transformed into a row of theater seats and a small t.v.
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>It wasn't shared for sex reasons, you just like having someone to cuddle, and Discord is just so plush and curvace-
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Hey! Quit changing my internal monologue!
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>"Alright fine, buzzkill."
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>Discord lounges across most of the seats, and pulls out a remote
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>"I hear CSI: Apploosa is good for some laughs."
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Perfect. I'll get the popcorn ready.
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>As you make the popcorn, you think you hear a faint retching noise
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>Fluttershy usually feels sick after her sessions
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>You would too, being poked and prodded by that weird purple monstrosity
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>I mean, whose bright idea was it to live and work from a big crystal abomina-
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Discord!
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>"I'm not doing it! Hoonest~!"
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>You let out a chuckle as you head back to the living room with popcorn
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>This week, you thought, is going to be great
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10/
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>RING RING
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>"I'll get it!"
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>Discord lazily stretched his arm out to the phone, followed by his mouth and left ear
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Gross, dude.
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>He responds with a wink
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>"Why hello, Princess Twilight! Why so la-oh yes, he's right here"
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>Within an instant of an instant, you were plopped onto the floor of the kitchen.
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Ow.
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>You take the phone from Discord's talon
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Hey Twi, what's up?
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>"Anonymous, I need to talk to you. Are you free now? Is anyone bugging the call?"
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>Oh great, more paranoia
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One sec. DISCORD I SWEAR IF YOU ARE LISTENING IN THAT I WILL DRAG YOU TO TARTURUS MYSELF!, you yell to the draconequus on the couch
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>You can see him jam his hands into his ears
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>A thumbs-up, covered in earwax, is shot to you in reassurance
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Sorry Twi, I'm kinda busy till Fri-
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>"Friday? Awesome, come in on Thursday, first thing in the morning. Alone. This is a royal decree."
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>Click
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>BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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>You hang up the phone
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Great, you huff as you head back to the couch
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>Guess this week won't be so great after all
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11
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