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BOOM

By Greggums
Created: 2021-10-25 20:55:59
Updated: 2021-10-25 20:57:58
Expiry: Never
princess twilight/fluterrape/high iq fic

  1. 1.
    Originally Published November 4th, 2018
  2. 2.
     
  3. 3.
    >Be Anon
  4. 4.
    >Wake up
  5. 5.
    >Do the Quadruple-S
  6. 6.
    >Shit, Shower, Shave
  7. 7.
    >and Sob
  8. 8.
    >Why sob? Because for years now, Twilight Sparkle has been using every trick in the book to try and get in your pants
  9. 9.
    >That book being an even more demented horse-version of Cosmo
  10. 10.
    >Replete with its own brand of whacky sex tips guaranteed to woo any stallion!
  11. 11.
    >That is, any stallion with an absolute dearth of dignity
  12. 12.
    >Sadly, you do have some dignity, so you curl yourself into a tight ball on the floor of the shower as you sob
  13. 13.
    Why, Celestia? Why me?
  14. 14.
    >"Because I love you, that's why!", a certain purple voice excitedly whispers in your ear
  15. 15.
    "DAW GAAAAAH!", you scream as you flail out wildly, making the shower curtain fall on you
  16. 16.
    TWILIGHT! GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM!
  17. 17.
    >"Don't worry, I'm not in the bathroom with you."
  18. 18.
    >You peep out from under the curtain
  19. 19.
    >Sure enough, the only creature in the room is you
  20. 20.
    >At least, the only creature you can see
  21. 21.
    Twilight, did you shrink yourself again? Did you forget the last time you tried that?
  22. 22.
    >You hear Twilight let out a fearful shudder
  23. 23.
    >"I don't think I could forget that if I tried. But nope! No shrinking!"
  24. 24.
    >You stand, letting the curtain fall off you to the floor
  25. 25.
    Then...where are you?
  26. 26.
    >A playful giggle dances on your ear, making you nervous
  27. 27.
    >"Come and find me, big boy~!"
  28. 28.
    1/
  29. 29.
     
  30. 30.
    >You walk downstairs into the kitchen and scan the area
  31. 31.
    >No purple princesses in sight
  32. 32.
    Twilight, you know I'm gonna kick you out of my house as soon as I find you, right?
  33. 33.
    >"Oh, I doubt that very much. And keep searching! You're getting warmer~."
  34. 34.
    Ugh.
  35. 35.
    >You take a stomping tour of your kitchen, hoping Twi'll bang her head on whatever cabinet she's inside of
  36. 36.
    >"Wa-wait! Go two stomps back!", she cries
  37. 37.
    >Obliging her, you go backwards two stomps and stop next to your garage door
  38. 38.
    >"I'm behind the door, stud."
  39. 39.
    >Pushing the door open, you step inside
  40. 40.
    >Nothing looks out of the ordinary from what you can see, and you know for a fact that there's nothing large enough for her to hide inside of
  41. 41.
    Twilight? Where are you?
  42. 42.
    >Her voice responds, louder this time
  43. 43.
    >"Oh come on, Anon! Where's the fun in just telling you where I am?"
  44. 44.
    The fun is in getting you out of my house.
  45. 45.
    >"Sure," She titters, "but before that, why not have a snack? I left you a surprise on your workbench!"
  46. 46.
    A surprise?
  47. 47.
    >Cautiously, you make your way over to the bench
  48. 48.
    >A hayburger is resting on top of the worksurface
  49. 49.
    I'm gonna eat this and pass out, and then you're gonna rape me, aren't you?
  50. 50.
    >"Come on, pick up the burger and take a bite, Anon, you're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge."
  51. 51.
    >You give a final look around, making sure that Twilight isn't hanging on the ceiling or some bullshit
  52. 52.
    >Then, carefully, you grab a screwdriver and turn the burger around to check for a trip wire
  53. 53.
    >Only to find something much, much worse
  54. 54.
    2/
  55. 55.
     
  56. 56.
    https://i.imgur.com/0F6nBVC.png
  57. 57.
     
  58. 58.
    >"I turned myself into a burger, Anon! Boom! Big reveal! I'm a burger! What do you think about that? I turned myself into a burger! W-w-what are you just staring at me for, hot stuff, I turned myself into a burger, Anon."
  59. 59.
    >You glare at Twilight
  60. 60.
    >She beams back at you
  61. 61.
    >"I'M BURGER TWIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
  62. 62.
    >You pick her up, gently, and carry her out of the garage
  63. 63.
    >"I see the Cosmo tip is working! Where are we going: the bedroom? Or do you plan to ravish me in the kitchen you sexy beast?"
  64. 64.
    "It depends," you reply. "Can you still use your magic?"
  65. 65.
    >Burger Twi chuckles "Oh my, I didn't know you were so lewd~~. I can do anything you want me to, Anon."
  66. 66.
    >You feel what you hope is grease start running down your fingers from out of her patty
  67. 67.
    Well in that case!
  68. 68.
    >You throw open the back door and set her on the porch
  69. 69.
    >"Anon?"
  70. 70.
    Have fun fighting off the possums!
  71. 71.
    >You shut the door and turn the bolt
  72. 72.
    >"ANON WAIT! POSSUMS ARE ALLERGIC TO HAYBURGERS!"
  73. 73.
    >You head back upstairs to finish your sobbing
  74. 74.
    >Today was a wubba lubba kind of dub dub day
  75. 75.
    /3

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