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/Marital Problems/ Short Stories
By DaybreakerAnonCreated: 2022-02-26 01:55:52
Updated: 2022-08-06 19:03:19
Expiry: Never
shining armortwilight sparklensfwroseluckanonymousprincess cadencelyra heartstringsberry punchtwilight velvetnight light
Latest Updates: Meet the Parents
New Story: Apathy
What started it:
Anonymous Sat 18 Dec 2021 23:43:03 No.37972082 Report Quoted By: >>37972174
>>37964541
>tfw everyone is so deep in their oedipus complex that nobody writes about you anymore
Which led to me writing this:
>>37972082
>Be Porchlight Spackle, personal protege of Princess Celestia, and newlywed mare to boot.
>It's worth mentioning you're a unicorn that lives in a library built into a massive oak tree, lest we trigger a wings-related 'tism fit.
>Anyways, you currently can't believe your cute little horsey ears.
>Anonymous, your quirky human husband, has dropped a doozy of a request on you.
<"You want me to do WHAT?"
>"Hey! Come on now, babe!" he says, throwing his hands up defensively. "I don't kink shame you over your book fetish-"
<"It is not a fetish!" you retort. "That particular volume is the one I had been reading when I discovered-"
>"Nope! Don't need to rehash that story!" he yells over you.
>Anon crosses the short distance between himself and you and sits on the bed.
<"Anon, I just don't feel comfortable doing... y'know., this!"
>Your husband sighs.
>"So I have a mommy fetish! Am I really asking for too much for-"
<"You kinda are, Anon!"
>"Look, it's not like I'm asking for permission to nail your mom," he says, making you scowl, "I'm just asking that you make an effort to appease my deeply-ingrained oedipus complex the next time you let me ride the Gran Autismo!"
<"Ugh! Will you please stop calling my marehood that?"
This in turn led to me writing a bunch of short stories for the Marital Problems thread in between updates to my main green over there.
Dad Jokes
>"Just a little more!"
>Those purple, hayburger-enhanced flanks you can't get enough of jiggle with every thrust.
>From your vantage point you can see Twilight going cross-eyed in the bedroom mirror.
>She really needed this.
>You both did.
>Thank Celestia for Velvet and Night Light being such dedicated grandparents.
>With the foals in Canterlot for the weekend, your unicorn librarian wife (yes, I'm writing CYA details in my shitpost- can't trigger the wingz bois, can we? Never mind the fact that Twilicorn is SO MUCH HOTTER than unicorn Twi. Seriously, look at her figure in Friendship University- coupled that irritated face she's got when she becomes Eyepatch? Eyepatch makes me fucking diamonds, man. Woooooooweeeee! Mamacita! Seriously though, if you wouldn't drain your prostate into Eyepatch, you may have a case of the gay. And don't get me started on Giraffelight Sporkle- I'd rut the multiculturalism right outta that leggy broad. Anyways...) and you were left to your own devices in your treebrary home.
>Spike is probably getting double-teamed by Sweetie Belle and Rarity in the Carousel Boutique like the turbochad he is, just in case you were wondering about him.
>It's a good thing Twi is so adept at magic- this traction spell she cast on your feet is the only thing keeping you from slipping in the puddle of mare juice that's been accumulating beneath you.
>Twiggy always was a squirter.
>"AH! Anon! I'm- I'm so close!"
>You increase the tempo of your thrusts, but as you do, a mischievous idea comes to mind
<'Don't do it,' your conscience warns.
>"Faster, Anon, I'm SO CLOSE!!!!"
>Eh, fuck it.
<"HI, 'SO CLOSE', I'M ANON."
>Your attempts to continue thrusting into dat ass wit all da mass are thwarted by a familiar aura.
>"Did you... did you just make a DAD JOKE during our lovemaking!?"
>There's no point trying to deny it, so you own your corniness with an unrestrained guffaw.
<"What?" you say, releasing your handfuls of pony booty to shrug. "I am a dad, after all!"
>"Ugh!" Twi pulls herself off your shaft. "You. Are. Im-POSSIBLE!"
<"Babe, c'mon! At least I'm not asking you to indulge in my m-"
>Twi shoves a purple hoof against your mouth.
>Ow.
>"If you say the m-word, Anon, I swear to Celestia that you won't even get to touch me during my next estrus!"
<"Shutting up!"
>She sits at the edge of the bed, glowering at you.
>Fuck, your balls are starting to ache.
>Ten very tense minutes pass, and you're still hard.
>Gathering your courage, you walk over to your mare and give her a disarming ear scritch.
<"So, uh... want to finish what we started?"
>Twi sighs, then swings her rear to you, hiking her tail as she does.
>"Ugh! Fine! Only because I'm incredibly horny.
>Don't you do it-
<"HI INCREDIBLY HORNY, I'M ANON!"
>Needless to say, you sugared your own churro that night.
Mandolin Rain
>Mommy is mad at Daddy again.
>I don't like it when she's mad.
>Neither does Daddy, especially when Mommy hits him.
>They don't think I know about it, but I do.
>One time, I was playing dress-up with my dollies, and I wanted to wear makeup like Mommy, so I snuck into her and Daddy's room to find some.
>Mommy and Daddy were out in the garden at the time.
>I didn't hear what Daddy said, but Mommy got super mad.
>They kept yelling at each other as they stomped to their room, where I was.
>I was so scared about being in trouble for sneaking into Mommy's stuff that I ran and hid in their closet.
>Their argument got worse until Mommy smacked Daddy's face with her hoof.
>Mommy doesn't ever hit me, but when I saw her hit my Daddy... it... it felt like she hit me too.
>Sometimes I hear it through the walls, when they fight.
>Or when Daddy cries.
>That never happens when Mommy's around- only when she stays out late, before she comes home smelling bad.
>Sometimes she throws up a lot when she comes home late, but Daddy's always there to take care of her.
>I don't think she knows that it hurts Daddy's feelings when she does that.
>"Anon, I'm losing my patience with you. Don't make me do something I regret."
>Mommy sounds extra mad today.
>I use my magic to pull my earmuffs out of my closet.
>Mommy and Daddy are so proud of how good I am with my magic.
>Daddy says he wishes he had magic like me and Mommy.
>Mommy said that his hands are better than magic, and that they're "all hers".
>"Anon, I'm serious."
>The earmuffs aren't helping very much this time.
>They must be close to my room.
>I move my dollies with my magic, making them dance with each other.
>They're always smiling.
>They're always happy.
>They never yell at each other.
>I wish my family was like that.
>Pound and Pumpkin's parents never fight like this... why do mine?
>It's not fair!
>"I mean it, I will."
>"ANON!"
>I jump when I hear Mommy's hoof smack Daddy's face.
>The sound is a lot different than when she hits his body.
>I never want to hear that sound again.
>I don't think I'll ever be able to forget it.
>Daddy leaves the house, covering his left cheek with his hand.
>I think about running after him as I watch him from my window.
>But I know he'll be back- he always comes back.
>And when he does, Mommy cries and hugs him and tells him that she'll never do that again and every time I believe her.
>Then they go into their room and say each other's names a lot while making weird noises.
>Daddy's always happy after they do that.
>"WHY, ANON? WHY?"
>I shove my hooves over my ears and hum my favorite song.
>It's hard to hum all the notes when I'm trying not to cry.
>Mommy goes to her room after a while, and the house gets quiet.
>I hope Daddy gets home soon... it's getting dark.
>My heart hurts.
>I wish there was somepony who could help.
>Wait, there is somepony who can help!
.....
>Five days have passed since the latest incident.
>The couch is as good a place as any to contemplate how you'll broach the subject.
>Mandolin doesn't get out of school for a couple hours yet, making now the ideal time to get this over with.
>You really don't want to have this conversation, but the longer you don't address the issue, the longer this cycle will perpetuate.
>With a sigh you rise from your seat and trudge towards the back door, en route to the garden where your wife picks veggies for tonight's dinner.
>KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
>Strange, you weren't expecting anypony.
>Regardless, you'll take whatever bone Harmony will throw your way to delay this reckoning.
>Opening the door, you find an angel standing there, a gentle smile on her muzzle.
>"Hi, Anon!"
>Huh, the angel knows your name, and she seems friendly.
>Still, it's probably a safe bet to show her the respect and reverence she deserves, so you drop to your knees.
>"Oh, stop that, silly!" she says with a short giggle.
>Looking again, you see that the mare on your doorstep is not an angel per se, but Princess Cadence.
>Eh, close enough.
<"Uh, hi, Your Highnessness, what can I d-do for you?" you stutter, rising to your feet.
>Cadence's smile fades. "I came to speak with you, Anon. Lyra too."
<"Um, what for?"
>A frown flutters across her face, but it's so fleeting, one could be forgiven for missing it entirely.
>"I think you know, Anonymous."
>Her reply is somber, and it makes your blood run cold, but not for long.
>She doesn't ask for entry- you just step back and offer her passage, though you're not aware of ever having made the conscious decision to do so.
>It's as if Cadence radiates some kind of charming, soothing aura that puts you on autopilot.
>Whatever qualities she possesses, they've vanquished your anxieties to the point of being able to stroll out to the garden; a calm confidence in your steps.
<"Hey, Lyra? I need you to come inside for a bit."
>Your wife looks up from the honeydew she was inspecting. "What's up?"
<"Princess Cadence is in our living room!"
>"What!?"
<"I know! I mean, I don't know! She said she wants to talk to us!"
>That lights a fire under Lyra's tail.
>She hurries to make herself presentable, then follows you inside.
>Cadence is still in your living room- no longer sitting- opting to inspect the framed family photos that adorn the walls instead.
>"Ah, hello Lyra," she says as you return with your wife in tow.
>Lyra offers the alicorn a deep bow. "Princess! To what do we owe the pleasure?"
>Cadence purses her lips.
>"Please, have a seat with your husband."
>You both comply with her wish.
>"As the ruler of the Crystal Empire," she begins, "I get all sorts of correspondence from every corner of Equestria and beyond."
>You and Lyra nod in silent understanding.
>Cadence produces an envelope from underneath her wing.
>"However," she continues, waving the envelope, "being the Princess of Love also comes with its own unique set of responsibilities, such as coming to the aid of a marriage in dire straits."
>What the fuck is going on?
>How did she know?
>Did one of the neighbors report Lyra to the guards or something?
>It's not like you've told anyone about her violent side!
>"W-w-what are y-you t-t-talking about, Princess?" Lyra tries to ask through chattering teeth.
>Cadence sighs. "Please Lyra. Let's not make this any more difficult than it needs to be."
>"A-Anon and I are d-doing great!"
>You're glad you're not on the receiving end of the Princess of Love's scowl.
>"You're going to make me do this, aren't you? So be it."
>Cadence lights her horn, retrieving a letter from the envelope.
>"Ahem Dear Princess Cadence, my name is Mandolin Rain,-"
>Oh shit.
>She didn't.
>"-and I need your help. My Mommy and Daddy fight a lot. At first, they just argued, but then Mommy started hitting Daddy. She hits him a lot and screams at him, especially when he does this one thing that makes Mommy really mad."
>She totally did, your poor, sweet, innocent, caring daughter.
>Cadence stops reading to look at Lyra, who's sitting rigid and turning rather pale.
>"I thought that was the worst of it, but no!"
>What?
>What could be worse than that?
>The beatings were as bad as Lyra got, and you sure as hell haven't done anything in retaliation.
>Love Horse clears her throat again.
>"Princess, what is a PP, and why does Mommy get so mad at Daddy when he cleans it? Is it supposed to be stinky? I asked Miss Cheerilee about it, and she made a really weird face, then she ran outside and started laughing."
>Oh. My. God.
>"I've asked Mayor Mare, Miss Rarity, Miss Twilight, even Zecora about why Mommy wants Daddy's PP to be stinky, but nopony will answer my question!"
>JUST
>Lyra stares at the ground and sobs.
>She tries to fashion a noose out of her magic, but Cadence puts a stop to it.
>"Do you see what you're doing to your wife, Anonymous!?"
>Um, wat?
<"What? What I'm doing!?"
>"Yes!" Cadence barks back. She hugs Lyra; rocking your wife in her tight, feathery embrace. "I thought I had seen it all, but lo and behold, Ponyville's resident alien exposes me to new frontiers of depravity!"
>No, this can't be right.
>You've done nothing wrong!
>You blink, and then the princess stands before you, her face mere inches from yours.
>"You've got a lot of nerve putting your wife through this torture, Anonymous." she growls at you. "As far as I'm concerned, Lyra has been completely justified in her actions. She's only a pony, after all! She can only take so much abuse!"
>Lyra ceases crying enough to speak. "D-do you really m-mean that, Princess?"
>"Of course Lyra," Cadence responds with a nuzzle, "I won't let him hurt you anymore."
>This is a dream; a nightmare.
>C'mon, Princess Luna, you can show up anytime now.
>"I know what you're thinking, Anonymous," Cadence says, her voice low. "You're hoping that this is nothing more than a bad dream, that my beautiful Aunt and her totally-adequate derrière will show up and save you any minute now."
>You pinch yourself, and to your horror, it hurts.
>Cadence's gold-shod hoof raises your chin, forcing you to stare into the abyss of her furious purple eyes.
>"I can assure you, Anon, this is very real, and by the Crystal Heart, you will make this right."
>The princess steps back, then addresses you again with her wings spread in a V.
>"You will make your PP stinky again, mister!"
>No, this can't be happening.
>"I'll be back in two weeks for a Penis Inspection Day, Anon, and Celestia help you if your nethers don't reek of vinegar or worse! You had better have enough dick-cheese to make a peetzer with when I return!"
>"Thank you, Princess! Thank you, thank you!" Lyra cries as she hugs the most beautiful pony in existence.
>"There, there, my little pony, all in a day's work for the Lady of Love."
>You've never felt more helpless.
>Tears flow down your face.
>You do nothing to stop their flow, nor do you bother to hide the violent sobs that wrack your body.
>If it wasn't for your daughter, you'd be en route to the Everfree to feed yourself to a manticore.
>You even know where one's lair is.
>"Remember, Anonymous... two weeks!" Cadence calls to you from your doorstep before flying away.
>The door slams behind her, giving a sense of finality to the affair.
.....
Outro music: Bruce Hornsby and the Range- "Mandolin Rain" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYIDJ0YKPNA
>I met Princess Cadence today!
>I had just come home from school, and there she was!
>I'm not exactly sure what "PP Inspection Day" is about, but Princess Cadence told me she was here to make sure Daddy was " in compliance" with his "rehabilitation plan".
>I asked her what this meant, and she smiled and said that it's helping Mommy and Daddy not fight anymore!
>Princess Cadence is the best!
>She's even prettier in real life than she is in her pictures!
>The Princess told me that she's proud of me for asking her to help Mommy and Daddy!
>I'm proud of myself; so is Mommy.
>Daddy's been quiet lately, but I know that he's proud of me too.
>He likes to stand outside and stare at the edge of the Everfree nowadays.
>Sometimes I get worried when he stands out in the rain, like today, but Mommy makes him come inside before too long.
>I asked Mommy why the ponies in town have started giggling whenever they see Daddy, but she said to not worry about it.
>I trust her, so I don't let it bother me.
>After all, Mommy and Daddy don't fight anymore, and that's what matters.
>Right?
Losing Roseluck
<"Alright, honey, I'm heading out."
>"'kay."
<"I love you."
>She parrots the words back; a reflexive, perfunctory response.
>How long has she been acting like this?
>Initially, you'd chalked up the perceived distance between you two to the long hours you'd been working.
>Your schedule eventually returned to normal but her affection towards you continued to wane nevertheless.
>It's been months since you've been intimate.
>Standing in the doorway, you kneel and reach for her.
>She sighs and offers you a brief sideways excuse for a hug, as if prolonged contact with you, her husband, might lead to her contracting some rare disease that may or may not lead to fur loss.
>That she turns her face to hide her lips from yours when you try to kiss her only serves to twist the proverbial knife.
>These red flags... you're not oblivious to them, nor the anxiety that bubbles in your gut.
>Still, you've learned to bury your feelings to help you get through the day, if nothing else.
>That won't work today.
>You can't let another day pass without addressing this; you won't.
<"Roseluck?"
>She looks at you, eyes dreading the imminent discussion.
<"Why won't you hug me?"
>"I did," she says, already backing away.
<"Barely."
>With a huff, Roseluck stomps back to you and puts her earth pony strength to bear in a hug that is more insulting than her previous half-hearted attempt.
>"Are you happy now?"
<"No... no, I'm not."
>"Well, what else do you want?" she snaps back at you.
<"You, Rosie!"
>She rolls her eyes.
>"I'm right here! Just like I've been for the past five years."
>That stokes the smoldering embers of your anger.
<"You know what I mean," is your restrained reply.
>Her cream-colored hoof stomps the floor.
>"No I don't! You don't talk to me anymore, Anonymous! Do you even realize how absorbed you are in your own thoughts when you're home? For months, you go to work, come home, eat, and go to bed. If I'm lucky, you might mutter a few sentences in my direction! How's that supposed to make me feel, Anonymous?"
>What?
>The nerve of this mare!
>Sure, those arduous weeks really took it out of you, but you were simply doing what was necessary to provide for you and your mare- especially when her business hadn't been faring as well as it once did.
>Some days you just needed some extra time to decompress from everything.
>Still, you always made sure to connect with her.
>Right?
>"-and now you're acting like you care? You've been a shell, a husk of my husband for so long... is it any wonder I don't want to kiss or even hug you?"
<"I- everything I do, I do for us, so don't you dare-"
>Your hands clench into fists.
>Luckily, you have the presence of mind to remove yourself from the situation before you do something you'll regret.
>The slamming door punctuates your anger, broadcasting it to the passersby, though they're all quick to avert their gaze upon meeting yours.
>Work was more miserable than normal, owing to the fact that you were so worked up you struggled to keep your breakfast down.
>Finally, you trudge home, unsure of what to do or say when you face your wife.
>The house is dark when you arrive.
<"Roseluck?" you call out.
>Maybe she went to bed- you did work late, after all.
>The bed is empty, as is the rest of your house.
.....
>"What do you want?"
>God, Lily is bitchy as ever.
>Truly, the worst sister-in-law.
>At least you got along well with Daisy; pity it wasn't her answering the door.
<"Hey, Lily. How- h-how are you?"
>"Let's just cut to the chase, Anon. Roseluck isn't here."
<"Oh. W-well, do you-"
>"No, I don't. Goodbye, Anon."
>The door slams in your face, sending a fresh jolt of despair through your veins.
>You stay rooted, clinging to some naive hope that if you were to wait just a few moments more, the door would reopen to reveal your wife.
>Just a little longer.
>She's on her way downstairs, you just know it.
>It's probably nerves keeping her from answering the door.
>She's gonna open that door any second now, you'll see.
>Your wife couldn't really be through with you, right?
>Right?
>A shuddering noise escapes your lips, a sigh mixed with a moan.
>The neighborhood passes by in a slow, watery blur, as does the rest of town.
>You find yourself on a bench near the shore of a pond.
>A fish jumps near the center of the water, the ripples that propagate in its wake are mesmerizing.
>Memories pierce your heart upon realizing where you are.
>This was where you had your first date with Rose.
>Just a simple picnic, quiet and lowkey, just like her.
>Just like you.
>You miss the way your heart flutters whenever you pull her in for a kiss.
>You miss the music of her giggle, the sunshine of her smile, the intoxicating sweetness of her lips.
>She's the light and color of your world.
>Pony gods help you, she really is the best thing that ever happened to you.
>And you were so worried about finances that you literally worked a wedge between you and the love of your life.
>The sky grows dark, too dark for this time of day.
>Lightning flashes overhead, followed by an immediate deafening thunderclap.
>The downpour consumes you, yet you can't be bothered to care.
>Some deep-rooted survival instinct kicks in after a few more flashes of lightning light up the sky, coaxing you off the bench and towards your cold, empty house.
>Bone-chilling cold is a welcome distraction from the crippling emotional pain that usually consumes your waking thoughts.
>Dreams (when you were able to sleep) were all variations of the same depressing theme.
>Come to think of it, you could've sworn that you cried into Princess Luna's chest in last night's dream.
>The front door is unlocked, to your surprise.
>Looks like you forgot to turn off the living room light too.
>You're slipping, Anon.
>Waterlogged pants squish and drip and chafe the ever-living-fuck out of your legs as you trudge upstairs.
>You open the door to your room, only to stop dead in your tracks.
<"R-Rose?"
>"Hey, Anon."
>She looks you up-and-down as you take a few dumbfounded steps towards her.
>"You look terrible."
>It makes you laugh- both of you; bittersweet as it is.
>"Oh, Anon..." Rose pulls at your loose clothes. "Lily said you had lost a lot of weight, but I didn't think you'd lost this much!"
>Her hoof touches your hand.
>Your legs buckle.
>The carpet dampens the impact to your knees.
>Tears fill Rose's eyes as she rubs her hoof over your month-old unkempt beard; tracing your jawline.
>Roseluck retracts her foreleg upon realizing what she's doing.
>"I... I'm torn, Anon. Lily says I should cut my losses and be done with you once and for all..."
>Of course she would say that, the bitch.
>"...and then there's Daisy, who's appalled that I haven't spoken to you."
>Best sister-in-law, five years running.
>"I'm sorry, Anon. I'm sorry I've avoided you all this time."
<"This past month has been the worst of my life, Roseluck, and that's including everything from my old life on Earth."
>She grimaces at that.
>"I shouldn't have shut you out like that. Truly, I'd take it back if I could."
>Her eyes confirm she's telling the truth.
>The right words elude you.
>You kneel in a shivering silence until Rose retrieves a thick towel from the linen closet and drapes it over your shoulders.
<"T-thanks."
>"Sure."
>...
>Has your nightstand clock always ticked that loudly?
>"So, I... heard you quit your job."
<"Yep. This morning."
>"Why?"
>You shrug.
<"Didn't see the point anymore."
>"Same with shaving and eating?"
>Roseluck grabs your shoulders mid-shrug and shakes you.
>"Why, Anon? Why are you doing this to yourself!?"
<"Because without you, I have nothing!"
>She releases you, her mouth slightly open as she takes a step back.
<"I'm lost without you Roseluck! You're the reason I get out of bed. You are my purpose, my guiding light! I'm sorry I lost sight of that. I can't tell you how sorry I am that I let things get so bad. I just- I..."
>Sitting back on your heels, your bury your face in your hands.
>Roseluck's hoof rests on your shoulder. "I'm sorry too, Anon. I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner. This was my fault too."
>You wipe your eyes.
<"Being alone in our house, it... it really highlighted just how much you light up my life, Rose. When you left, I felt like a part of me was ripped away."
>Her hoof has moved up to your face, where it caresses your beard.
<"I'm sorry I get distant when times get tough. It's how I've coped with stress since I was a kid; just clam up and keep my head down. I'm not saying that makes it okay, I just want you to understand where I'm coming from."
>"I'm sorry I never brought it up before, Anon." she sighs and shakes her head. "You and I used to be so in tune with each other, I kinda took that for granted... guess I didn't realize you couldn't read my mind."
<"Yeah..."
>Roseluck steps the vast meter-long gap that separates you, coming to a stop a hoof's breadth away.
>"I've missed you too, Anon."
>Her eyes shimmer in the flickering oil-fueled lamp light.
>"I've missed waking up in the middle of the night and feeling your strong arms wrapped around me. I've missed the way you would pull me close... I love how you make me feel so small and safe when you hold me."
>You wipe her eyes.
>"I miss seeing your eyes light up in wonder whenever I'd bring you to a new place in Equestria. I want to share in those experiences with you again!"
>She cups your cheeks with her hooves.
>"More than anything, though, I miss those special quiet moments we'd share together. You know, when we weren't really doing anything, just enjoying the peace and quiet-"
<"-being fully present in the moment and feeling in tune with each other?"
>She nods, a smile forming on her lips.
>"I feel complete when I'm with you," you say together.
>Roseluck launches herself at you.
>You catch your wife, your beautiful little pony, holding her tight as she kisses you with all the passion she can muster.
>She knickers when you nibble on her ear or when you kiss that spot under jaw that drives her crazy.
>The two of you shower each other with physical affection like your lives depend on it- whispering variations of "I'm so sorry" and "I love you so much" all the while.
>Roseluck bites your shirt and rips it off your chest.
>Seems your month-long separation has her as pent up as it does you.
>You take over ridding yourself of the rest of your clothes while she guides you to the bed.
>She plants her forehooves into your chest, pressing your back into the mattress as she swings her hips over yours.
>Roseluck makes love to you like a mare possessed, and you match her enthusiasm.
>The air is thick with the scent of your sex as you bask in the afterglow.
>Your wife lays draped across your chest, your bellies touching as her walls twitch and pull to squeeze every last drop of your seed out of your cock and into her womb.
>There's so much you want to say, so much you wish you could say.
>She lifts her chin from your chest to look at you.
>When your eyes meet, you know she feels the same way.
>Rose smiles at you and you smile back, overjoyed from feeling that intuitive connection with your wife once again.
>You share a kiss, as well as unspoken optimism for the future.
>A future with your wife by your side every step of the way, though sickness and health, wealth and poverty, fleeting, blissful youth and the creeping pains of old age.
>You and your wife, together forever.
>The way it's supposed to be.
>The way it will be.
Stale Love Life (Shitpost)
>be Anon
>married to sunhorse
>life is pretty chill when your only job is to make your wife happy
>lately, however, things have felt a little... stale
>especially in the bedroom
>it's not that you don't enjoy your excursions of the quilt- you do- but it feels like you're just going through the motions sometimes
>there's a lingering fire in her eyes that never used to exist, a hunger that you can't sate, no matter how long you two go at it
>unsure of how to broach the subject with Celestia, you say nothing, knowing full well the issue will only fester beneath the calm facade of your mutual silence
>Celestia seems more distant the longer to refuse to acknowledge the issue
>Luna invites you to visit her in the gardens one evening
>even she's quieter than usual
>if you know your sister-in-law, and you most certainly do, you know she'll get down to business on her own time
>meanwhile, you sip on your tea, earl grey, hot, and enjoy the tranquility of the venue
>finally, Luna sets her tea cup down and rests her hoof on your thigh
>"Anonymous," Luna says after a measured sigh
<"Mmmm, yes, m'dear?"
>"What I say to you tonight, I say out of love for you and my sister, and for the good of your marriage."
>oh boy, here we go
>you pause for a moment, give her a solemn nod, then sake another long sip of your tea
>"Why don't you ever tongue-punch my sister's fart box?"
>yfw
Alcoholic Wife
<"Berry."
>"Hmm?"
<"Berry, c'mon, get up. You need to get ready!"
>She rolls over in bed, a sheet sticking to her sweaty barrel.
>Jesus, how much did she drink this evening?
>Moving around the bed, your foot hits something, and then glass clinks.
>Three empty bottles roll out from under the bed.
>Your groan, coupled with the sound of your palm smacking your forehead startles your wife into a wobbly sitting position.
>"Whassgoinon?"
<"Are you kidding me right now!?"
>"Anon, ugh, keep it down... my head."
<"Fruit's recital is in thirty minutes Berry! We need to leave in ten!"
>"I'm up, I'm up. Geddoff my flank, wouldja?"
>Berry stumbles out of bed and by some miracle, makes it to the bathroom.
>Should you even bother with her at this point?
>Her retching answers your question for you.
.....
>Your daughter stands like a statue on stage, trembling in the spotlight.
>She brings the bow to the strings and opens with a long, haunting vibrato.
>You watch her nerves dissipate the longer she plays.
>Her hooves tap the tempo, her fingers dance across the fingerboard.
>Being a satyr in a land full of ponies, Fruit Punch was insecure, to put it lightly.
>But when she played the violin, she became an entirely different filly.
>Octavia constantly raved about her talent and claimed she was destined for greatness.
>Both you and Berry encouraged Fruit to pursue the violin when she showed an interest in a young age.
>Having fingers made her a natural, go figure.
>She loved to play for you two, and loved seeing you in the audience at her recitals.
>While you were her Daddy and loved your praise, something about Berry's compliments made her glow with joy.
>Perhaps it had to do with being validated by a pony?
>Then Berry's drinking got worse.
>First it was one a week, then thrice, until there was rarely a night where your wife wasn't three sheets to the wind.
>You tried getting her help, but Berry refused to admit she had a problem, even after missing Fruit's last three performances.
>And here you sit, watching your daughter play her heart out; an empty seat beside you.
>So far she hasn't noticed, and continues to play as well as ever.
>The stage lights dim as her notes diminish, and you see her eyes scan the audience.
>Please, for the love of Celestia, don't look over-
>Her eyes meet yours, and one beat later, she realizes you came alone.
>Fruit's violin shrieks- she gasps and tries to recover, but the damage is already done.
>She stands there for a moment mouth hanging open.
>You can feel her heart break as she chokes back a sob.
>She runs offstage, her white dress flowing like a flag on a blustery day.
.....
>It took a while for you and Octavia to coax Fruit out of the dressing room, and even longer to calm her down.
>Fortunately the venue was deserted when you started the walk home; Luna's moon lighting your path.
<"You played wonderfully." you offer.
>Fruit doesn't respond.
>She keeps her eyes to the ground, where her hooves drag through the dirt.
>"Mom promised she'd be here." your daughter finally speaks up in a warbling voice. "Why didn't she come to my recital, Daddy?"
>How do you explain alcoholism to a nine year-old?
>"Does Mommy not love me anymore?"
<"Oh honey, no!" You scoop up your daughter into a tight hug and lift her off the ground. "Your mommy love you very, very much! She just-"
>You look to the heavens, praying for some divine intervention; some words of wisdom.
<"Mommy is sick, honey. She needs help."
>"Then why don't you help her?"
>You don't answer.
>You don't know how.
.....
<"Hey, sweet girl, how'd it go?"
>Fruit shrugs, not bothering to look at you as she trudges off towards the park across the street.
>"Don't forget your violin, love!" Octavia calls out to her.
>Your daughter turns and takes a few lethargic steps back to Octavia's front door to retrieve her prized instrument.
<"You know what, Honey? I'll carry it. Why don't you play on the swings while I talk to Miss Octavia for a minute?"
>"Okay, Daddy." Fruit's voice is flat, devoid of its usual cheer.
>Her hooves drag a little with each step as she moseys to the park's playground.
>Behind you, Octavia sighs.
>"She was like that all practice."
<"Damn it."
>"Anon?"
<"Yeah?"
>"I know it ain't me bizness," Octavia's Trottingham accent thickens momentarily, "but Fruit's been like this for almost two weeks. What's going on? Still having problems with her mum?"
>You pull at your hair.
<"Yep."
>"Anything I can do to help?"
<"Not unless you can find a way to keep Berry sober for more than twenty-four hours."
>Octavia shakes her head, then rests a hoof on your thigh.
>"You need to put your hoof down with her, Anon. This ain't good for anyone."
<"I keep telling myself every morning that today will be different, that she'll finally realize what she's been putting us through."
>"It rarely happens like that, love. If ever."
<"I know, I know. I just..."
>You really don't want to finish that thought aloud, paranoid that speaking the words might somehow seal your marriage's doom.
>Octavia taps your thigh with a perfect grey hoof. "You just what?"
<"Nothing." You shake your head and pick up Fruit's violin case. "I gotta go. We'll see you Thursday."
>"Right."
>The grey mare looks at you, her eyes somber.
>You turn and walk towards the park.
>Fruit sits on one of the swings, motionless; staring at the sunset.
>"Anon!"
>Spinning on the ball of your foot, you turn in time to see an apprehensive look flicker across Octavia's face.
>"If... if you an' Fruit ever need anything- anything at all..."
>You give the mare a genuine smile, however fleeting it is.
<"Thanks, Tavi."
>Fruit shuffles to your side after you tell her it's time to go home.
>It breaks your heart to see her like this, but at the same time, it strengthens your resolve.
>You won't keep living like this.
>That's it- one way or another, things will change tonight.
.....
Words of Encouragement
>"We're almost there, dear.'
>Celestia whispers words of encouragement, driving you to dig deeper, to pull from a well of physical stamina you didn't know you possessed.
>She insisted you undergo a grueling training regimen months before your wedding, always watching your workouts with a hungry stare and frequent licks of her lips.
>When she asked you carry her up the stairs to your quarters before finally consummating your marriage, you finally understood why.
>Everything burns.
>Muscles you didn't know you had scream in protest as you carry your new wife up the last few steps.
>For all your hard work, you were still woefully unprepared for this herculean effort.
>Your entire upper body is drenched in sweat, making the foreleg that Celestia hooks behind your neck stick to your skin.
>"Oh Anon," Celestia coos, "being carried by you, watching you put all those strong muscles to use-"
>She licks the sweat that pours down your neck and shudders.
>"It just drives me crazy..."
>As if on cue, a new fluid wets your skin, seeping out from underneath her tail where her plush rump meets your forearm.
>"I want you so, so badly, my love. I can't wait for you to ravage me."
>It smells sweet, with a tanginess you can't quite place; heady.
>Finally, the door comes into view, and not a moment too soon for your redlining heart.
>Celestia's magic opens the door and you step through the threshold with a triumphant exhalation.
>"Thanks for the ride, my big, strong stallion," she says with a sultry voice as she slides down your shaking body; back onto her hooves.
>You collapse onto the sun-themed rug underfoot, a terrible pain radiating from your chest.
>Everything turns grey and drops out of focus.
>You can't breathe.
>Celestia rolls her eyes. "Oh, don't be so dramatic."
>This mare is going on a diet, you'll make sure of it.
>Assuming you don't die here and now, that is.
Meet the Parents
>"And remember-"
<"Yes, yes. Best behavior and all that."
>"And what does 'all that' mean?"
>You rest your head against the train car window and groan.
<"I am to keep a lid on my 'Anonisms' until we get back to Ponyville."
>Twilight hums, a pleasant sound by itself, but combined with her chiming magic and the scratching of her quill on her ever-present checklist, the ensemble is quite soothing.
>Your ears pop one last time as the train puffs its way up the final stretch of inclined track into Canterlot Station.
>Before you know it, you and your nerdy unicorn (Reminder that Twilicorn is the hotter version of Twilight- she's got a better figure, especially in the later seasons) marefriend are hoofing it to her parent's house, luggage in hand and telekinetic aura, respectively.
>The crisp mountain air is refreshing and keeps you from breaking out into a full-blown sweat as you powerwalk up the hill to your destination.
>You hope her parents are cool.
>Twilight speaks highly of them, but your knowledge of the couple is limited to what she's told you.
>Hell, you don't even know what they look like- it's entirely possible you could've crossed paths with one or both of them and would have been none the wiser.
>"Alright, Anon," Twi says, slightly out of breath as you round the last corner, "that's the house coming up. Are you ready?"
<"Yep."
>"Great! And-"
<"Babe! I know!"
>"Okay! Sorry! Just making sure!"
>You flick her ear upon reaching the steps to her parents' townhouse.
>She huffs her disapproval and shoots you a quick glare before announcing your arrival with three loud knocks on the front door.
>The door swings open a moment later, revealing a lovely unicorn mare with a manecut identical to Twilight's.
>She stands a little taller than Twi, sporting light grey fur that accentuates every curve she has to offer.
>Three five-pointed purple stars adorn her full, firm flanks.
>Gawd-DAMN this mare has it going on!
>"Mom!"
>Uh, wut?
>This is Twi's MOM!?
>"Twilight! Sweetie, it's been too long!"
>The mares hug while you try your best not to ogle the hottest milf you've ever seen; both in this world and your native one.
>"Mom," Twi says upon releasing her hug, "This is my coltfriend, Anonymous. Anonymous, this is my mom, Twilight Velvet."
>Keep it together Anon... best behavior, remember?
>"Call me Velvet," Momma Twi says, offering you a hoof.
>Should you shake or kiss it?
>Throwing caution to the wind, you grasp her hoof in your hand and bring it to your lips.
<"Anon." you reply after a kiss to her coronet.
>Velvet giggles. "My Twily has told me so much about you, Anon, but she never mentioned how charming you are!"
<"Likewise, Twi never told me her mom was a smoking-hot milf!"
>Did you just-
>"ANON!"
>Yeah, you totally did.
<"What!?"
>"What did we talk about several times on the way up here!?
<"Hey- I... look, can you blame-"
>Purple magic clamps your mouth shut.
>Velvet giggles again, this time with some color rising to her cheeks.
>At least Momma Velvet isn't offended.
>Hopefully this is your only fuck up, otherwise this will be a very long weekend.
>"Let me show you where you'll be staying!"
>"Mom, I know where my old room is."
>"Oh shush, dearie, let me give Anon a tour of the place!"
>Velvet trots to the far side of the living room, to the foot of hardwood stairs that ascend right-to-left.
>Twiggles mouths, "Sorry," to you, which you dismiss with a smile and quick hand wave.
>She rolls her eyes, bumping her shoulder into your thigh as she falls in step beside you.
>Your host bounds up the first several steps with the light, athletic steps you'd expect of a young athlete, not a middle-aged mare.
>Her hindquarters are tight, yet offer the absolute perfect amount of jiggle as her hips sway with every pep-filled step.
>The stars on her flanks bulge, cords of muscle-
>Hey, look, she's staring back at you.
>Oh shit, did she-?
>Eeeyup... she just winked at you and flashed you a coquettish grin.
>Winked with her eye, the side opposite of your marefriend, just to be clear.
>"Mom, it's been a long train ride. I can show Anon around the house later, but for now, can we please just unpack our things and relax before dinner?"
>"Of course, Twilight."
>"Thank you, Mom."
>You follow your purple librarian mare into her old room.
>A pinch to your buttocks makes you nearly jump out of your skin, but a mauve aura keeps your mouth sealed.
>Looking back in the direction of the attack, you see Velvet make two exaggerated biting motions with her teeth.
>Your jaw hangs open even wider when she sashays back down the stairs.
>Hoo boy.
>This weekend already got more interesting.
.....
>Velvet floats the mashed potatoes over to her husband, Night Light.
>"Anon, I've heard so much about you. How exciting, to hear that our little Twiley not only found herself a stallion, but an exotic one at that!"
<"Heh heh heh, yeah..." you pour a little too much gravy over your own mashed potatoes. "...'Exotic'."
>Fortunately nopony else seems to be picking up what Velvet is putting down; this stealthy seduction keeping you off-balance.
>"Yes! Not only that, I was thrilled to learn of your talents! Twilight tells me you're quite the writing whiz!"
>Her voice gets kinda gravelly for a moment.
>"You know, I'm something of a writer myself."
>You offer the Universe a silent prayer of gratitude for throwing you a bone.
<"I read all your research on nanotechnology; really brilliant."
>Velvet's smile falters. "What was that, dearie?"
>Twig-a-lig sees the smirk that flickers across your face and shakes her head.
>Sunbutt damn it.
<"Uh, n-nothing."
>Momma Velvet is unfazed; giggling. "Is this some of that 'eclectic human humor' Twiley warned me about?"
>"Yes," Twalot answers for you whilst delivering a swift, serruptitious strike of her left rear hoof to your shin. "That's Anon for you!"
>The warning glare she gives you is honestly pretty intimidating.
>Right... gotta keep your "Anonisms" under wraps.
>First impressions and all that.
Apathy
>"Anon."
>No.
>"Anon."
>For God's sake, please shut up.
>"Hey. Hey Nonners."
>Can't take much more of this.
>"Nonny boy."
>You gotta do something about this bitch.
>"Nonnerino, my main man!"
>This is why you don't marry the first pony you fuck. You might just marry the most obnoxious pony in Equestria.
>They hypnotize you with them cutie marks, twerking for a nigga... next thing you know, they pregnant. Asking you for money. Man, these hoes is cheese on a board.
>"Nonabunga, dude!"
>As it turns out, however, Lyra is barren, and this version of Equestria is much shittier than what you'd expected. It's pretty much a carbon copy of Earth, just with ponies, and a drastic lack of common sense- even compared to Earth.
>Lyra continues to attempt to gain your attention by addressing you with increasingly-cringy permutations of your name whilst you search for a parking spot at Pon-Mart.
>Oh shit, there's-
>FUCK! Goddamn motorcycle!
>"ANON!!!!"
<"WHAT!?"
>"Will you please remember to-"
<"I know! Get more oats! My oats! My goddess-damned fair-trade, Premium, rolled, gluten free organic oats! The ones I NEVER eat because SOMEPONY-"
>You slam on the brakes for dramatic effect. The resulting squeal scares a nearby morbidly obese pony off his personal mobility scooter. His fat absorbs most of the impact, but the tumble has left him rocking on his back- stubby little legs flailing to right himself.
<"-eats them all before I can even think about it!"
>Lyra give you an innocent, excited grin. "Great! Glad you didn't forget! Thanks, Anon!"
>You look to the heavens
<"¿¡Por QUÉ!?"
>The car behind you honks its horn. Before you, the toppled fat stallion's kicks slow to a few intermittent spasms. His barrel heaves as he gasps; tongue hanging out to the side.
>"Oh, Celestia..." Lyra notices the stallion's plight. "Somepony should help him!"
<"Yeah," you grunt; letting off the brake. "Somepony should."
>Buzzards circle overhead, drifting overhead in lazy circles, held aloft by thermals and the anticipation of a meal to come.
>"Anon, I really think we should go back and help him."
<"Those ponies in the car behind us took care of it."
>"I don't think they-"
<"Not another word or you can forget the oats."
>"Shutting up!"
>You allow yourself a devilish grin.
>"Oh shoot! That one didn't count, right? Right, Anon?"
>[grin intensifies]
>"Honey?"
<"I'm afraid it did count, Lyra."
>"Oh no, Anon, c'mon, please!" she wails, shaking your arm. "Give me another chance!"
>Finally, a parking spot. At the furthest end of the lot. Next to a portashitter on the perimeter of an adjacent construction site.
<"Alright, fine." You park the car and kill the engine. "Tell you what. You stay in the car and let me do this grocery run in peace... I'll get all the fucking oats you want, babe."
>"But the air conditioning doesn't work!"
<"Roll down the window."
>She does and gags two seconds later.
>"Ech! gag! The stench from that porta potty is awful!"
<"It's not that bad."
>It totally is.
>"Anonymous, no! Fine! I'll stay here in the heat! Just make it fast!"
>Really?
<"Really?"
>"Yes, really! Just go already!"
>Alrighty then.
>Pon-Mart is packed. It takes much longer to get the cart-load of things you needed. Still, being able to hear yourself think was a nice change; one you rarely got to enjoy.
>At last, you've paid and are on your merry way back to your car- back to incessant blathering and wondering if today will be the day that the goddesses smile upon you and mercifully end your life.
>You retrace your car's exact path en route to your awaiting wife. The fat stallion's scooter now sits upon cinder blocks, the wheels undoubtedly being installed on an El Camino in a sketchy mechanic's garage at this very moment.
>The smell is unbearable, so you hustle, pushing your cart along at a jog. You catch a glimpse of marbled flesh being ripped off bloody ribs amid the flurry of swarming vultures.
>Better not exit the parking lot this way, lest Lyra gets upset. Ugh, you'll never hear the end of that.
>Hey, where is that little shid? The car windows are up, but you can't see her in there. Maybe she bailed to get out of the heat and away from the stink?
>Whatever, you'll look for her after you load up the...
>... car.
>This mare. This dumb fucking mare. This bitch never left the car.
>She raises her head upon hearing the jingle of your keys. Unfocused eyes look you over, searching for salvation.
>You know what?
>You forgot to get some milk.
by DaybreakerAnon
by DaybreakerAnon
by DaybreakerAnon
by DaybreakerAnon
by DaybreakerAnon