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[FLUTTERRAPE] Luna's Obsession

By Nebulus
Created: 2020-12-17 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-07-03 11:02:28
Expiry: Never
anonsafecomedy/flutterrape/princess luna

  1. Originally uploaded to Pastebin: January 11th, 2013
  2. ---
  3.  
  4. >Day 41 in Equestria
  5. >Well, Night 41, actually.
  6. >You are Anon
  7. >And you have a problem
  8. >Not a normal problem, like money, or good looks.
  9. >Not tax pressure or a physical disability.
  10. >No, you have a much worse problem
  11. >You stand by your bedroom window with a baseball bat, quivering slightly
  12. >You didn't really want to believe it at first
  13. >But unfortunately, you had to be the only alien in this world.
  14. >And for some bizzare reason, some ponies found you attractive
  15. >Very attractive
  16. >You've got Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness. She's problematic, but managable. Her timid nature can be used against her every time she tries something. So that's ok.
  17. >Pinkie Pie also likes you, but respects your decision as a friend so she keeps her distance
  18. >Hell of a nice pony, that Pinkie. You would probably date her were it not for your biggest problem
  19. >You kind of wish it was Twilight Sparkle. At least she's less awkward, less obsessive (sometimes) and by far less powerful
  20. >But nope.
  21. >It had to be you
  22. >It had to be her
  23. >At that moment the window you're stood next to shatters and a giant blue object crashes into your bed
  24. >"HUZZAH!"
  25. >WHACK.
  26. >You stand back and admire your handiwork
  27. >She's out cold. Again.
  28. >You've come to expect her every night around this time. You'd think she would learn, being a literal Goddess.
  29. >But nope.
  30. >You are Anon.
  31. >And Princess Luna is obsessed with you.
  32.  
  33. >You sit down on your crushed bed and sigh, patting the alicorn on her head
  34. >Your hand moves through her mane and you burn yourself on a star
  35. >Fucking stars
  36. >Why don't they burn everything they touch?
  37. >Luna's tongue is hanging out of her mouth in a comedic fashion, some dribble flowing off it and onto your bedsheets
  38. >Smelling the air, you can tell that she's been thinking of you
  39. >Mostly because she left a trail of pastasauce and discharge on the way in
  40. >You stand up and prop your trusty bat against the wall
  41. >Given it's only use in this world, you've taken to calling the study piece of wood "Nightbane"
  42. >Cool name. But it got it purely because it's helped you foil night after night of Luna's amazing plans
  43. >You just hope she stay out of it tonight. It was a rough day
  44. >You got coerced into helping Fluttershy and her animals
  45. >She took every opportunity she could get to try and muddy your pants
  46. >Once you were covered from head to toe in every kind of animal food and shit, she said you had to take your clothes off
  47. >In her bedroom
  48. >Then clean all the dirt off your dick by rubbing it on her
  49. >Honestly, she just doesn't even try to hide it anymore.
  50. >You told her to throw herself in a fire and walked out
  51. >Then you swaggered your way through town covered in the foulest substances in existance, and nary a shite was given that day
  52. >Then nightfall came, and just as you were about to go to sleep you realised what time it was
  53. >30 minutes of waiting, but it was worth it to take Luna out of the picture
  54. >You pat her on the back, her body still sprawlled spread-eagle on your bed
  55. >You didn't worry about hurting her
  56. >Alicorn skulls are like diamond, can't break 'em.
  57. >But for some reason you can still inflict enough brain trauma to knock them out
  58. >Though you sometimes wondered if it was possible to damage Luna's brain any more than it already was
  59. >Heh.
  60. >Zing.
  61. >You shift Luna's body onto one side of the bed, on top of the covers.
  62. >You get underneath them on the other side of her
  63. Night, Luna
  64. >She replies with a snort in her unconcious state
  65. >Is she even knocked out or sleeping?
  66. >Fucking Alicorns
  67. >You quickly fall asleep to the gentle sound of Luna's breathing
  68.  
  69. >Morning
  70. >Wake up
  71. >Look to the right
  72. >A letter lies where Luna was led
  73. >As usual
  74. >Pick it up and lazily read it
  75. >"Dear Anonymous. I apologise on my Sister's behalf for her perplexing behaviour. I hope this matter can be resolved in the not-to-distant future"
  76. >"PS: I'm getting sick to death of dragging her back to Canterlot. Your window is far too small for my Royal Behind."
  77. >You look at your window
  78. >Completely spotless, as usual.
  79. >Like the whole thing never happened.
  80. >Celestia is great at cleanup
  81. >Walk downstairs, yawning
  82. >Before you can even pour yourself cereal someone knocks on the door
  83. >Sigh and go to open it
  84. >Fluttershy stands behind it, a worried look on her face
  85. >"Anonymous! Oh my goodness, you have to help! Angel bunny is being attacked by a bear!"
  86. You're the animal expert. You deal with it
  87. >"O-oh... Umm. I can't. I've gone b-blind..."
  88. >You don't even grace that with an answer
  89. >Look behind you and see Angel on the ground, covered in Ketchup.
  90. >You know that it's ketchup because the bottle is right next to him
  91. >Harry the Bear is stood over him, reading glasses on and holding a small book
  92. >Wave at them
  93. Hey, guys. Whatcha readin', Harry?
  94. >"ROOAOOOOARRrrrawwr..."
  95. History? Nice.
  96. >Fluttershy takes up your vision
  97. >"S-see! Oh dear! Save Angel! B-but give me your shirt. You don't want to get any of Harry's blood on it!"
  98. >Push her out the way and walk over the Harry
  99. >She squeals in delight
  100. >"D-don't hurt him too much, Anon!"
  101. >Get to Harry, who still has his reading glasses on. He's using a single claw to turn the pages on his tiny book
  102. >It's amazing.
  103. Hey, Harry. You're cool for today, you can head on home now.
  104. >He nods, pats you on the head and lumbers back to Fluttershy's cottage
  105. >Angel points at Fluttershy and shrugs
  106. I'll send her your way after I'm done with her, go on.
  107. >He chirps in approval and scampers after Harry
  108. >You turn to Fluttershy
  109. >"Oh, Anon! You were so-"
  110. >You punted her in the general direction of her cottage
  111. >You shield your eyes from the sun and watch her flight
  112. >Strain your ear when she's out of sight
  113. >A distant splash is heard, indicating that she hit the stream outside her cottage
  114. >Probably
  115. >You grunt in approval and walk back inside to eat your breakfast
  116. >Whilst doing so a newspaper gets pushed through your letterbox
  117. >Go over and pick it up, bringing it back to the table
  118. >Frontpage:
  119. >"STUDIES SHOW THAT ALICORNS AND HUMANS PRODUCE LIQUID GOLD DURING INTERCOURSE"
  120. Oh boy.
  121. >"Princess Luna stated that her continued studies of the mysterious ape, Anonymous, have led her to the conclusion that when Ho'monkdiq is placed inside an Alicorn, magic happens and liquid gold is the result"
  122. >"The Princess also had this to say: 'I think that Anon and I should have sex. It could save the economy'"
  123. Shocking.
  124. >You throw the paper in the bin and carry on munching
  125. >It's only a matter of time until the-
  126. >A scroll materialises next to you
  127. >-Letters arive.
  128. >You open it
  129. >"Greetings, Human Anonymous. I, Princess Luna am here"
  130. >You rip it up and carry on eating in silence for a few more minutes
  131. >Another letter flashes into existence
  132. >"Greetings?"
  133. >Torn up and binned
  134. >You finish your breakfast
  135. >Walk over to the sink to clean your bowl
  136. >Another scroll pops up
  137. >Catch it before it falls into the dirty water
  138. >"Please respond."
  139. Nah.
  140. >You ball it up and throw it into the bin on the way out the door
  141. >Walk down the road to Ponyville and Sugarcube Corner
  142. >Pass a strange looking bush on the way there, a wavy blue mane sticking out of it.
  143. >Think nothing of it
  144. >Hours pass, and you do your duty - Making cakes and other sweets with Pinkie Pie
  145. >She keeps her distance because she's such a good friend who understands and appreciates you
  146. >Nigga you smitten
  147. >Fuck off, brain.
  148. >Nothing eventful happens, however, save for finding Fluttershy in the oven
  149. >When you take out a baking tray with her on it, she's dark brown and smells delicious
  150. >"Is cooking your fetish?"
  151. No. Get out of my cookies.
  152. >She runs out of the room
  153. >You shake your head and carry on working
  154. >The shop closes up for the day and you go to get your payment
  155. >Pinkie Pie holds out her hoof, a small sack of bits resting on it
  156. >"Here you go, Anny!"
  157. >You take it with a smile
  158. Thanks, Pinkie.
  159. >She beams at you
  160. >"Wanna lick whipped cream off my pinkie pie?"
  161. Haha. No.
  162. >Run your ass out of there before your dick betrays you
  163. >Gotta stay strong
  164. >You get home and lock your door, then you lean against it and sigh
  165. >A few moments pass where you reflect on the day
  166. >As you settle down to read for the night, a loud thump is heard upstairs
  167. Oh god.
  168. >Another thump, followed by a muffled "HUZZAH!"
  169. OH GOD NO. SHE'S LEARNING
  170. >Run upstairs into your bedroom
  171. >Luna is on your bed, looking incredibly pleased with herself
  172. >"HUMAN ANONYMOUS! I tried to send you letters but you didn't respond! I assumed you were busy fighting dragons."
  173. >She grins toothily
  174. >"Did you fight many dragons?"
  175. Were you following me today?
  176. >"Yes! You noticed me!"
  177. >She starts bouncing around, saying "HUZZAH!" on each bounce
  178. >This pony rules Equestria
  179. >THIS PONY RULES THE FUCKING-
  180. Look, Luna. Stop.
  181. >She stops and smiles at you
  182. >"I have all night! What activities would you like to partake in?"
  183. Fun little game, it's called "race you to Canterlot". I'll meet you there. Ready? GO!
  184. >She explodes
  185. >Like, literally explodes
  186. >Luna goo covers the entire room
  187. >You stand in shock for a moment, watching red sauce slide down the walls
  188. >Sniff
  189. >Smells like pastasauce
  190. >A scroll pops into view next to your head
  191. >You grab it and open it
  192. >"I AM VICTORIOUS!"
  193. >Look back around the room, which is a complete mess after Luna's Spaghettiport
  194. >Your entire front is covered in Ragoo, as well
  195. >You groan and take off your clothes, hopping into the shower
  196. >The warm water washes over you and cleanses you of Luna's liquid awkwardness
  197. >Lean against the wall with a hand
  198. >Sigh deeply and shake your head
  199. Why me...
  200. >Luna's hooves massage your back and work out some of the tension
  201. >"Is this satisfactory?"
  202. Yeah, it is. Thanks, Luna.
  203. >...
  204. ...
  205. >"..."
  206. >Turn around
  207. >Luna smiles at you, soaking wet from the water, bits of pasta sauce still floating in her mane as if gravity doesn't apply there
  208. >Blink
  209. >She prods your junk with a hoof and lets out a barely audiable "huzzah!"
  210. >Blink again
  211. >Decide on a plan of action
  212. >Scream like a girl
  213.  
  214. >You run out of that bathroom completely naked
  215. >Luna, startled by your sudden escape, can't decide on what she wants to do and runs into your bathroom mirror, shattering it with her horn, wailing all the while
  216. >You run downstairs, trying not to slip because of your still wet feet
  217. >Hear a cry from the top of the stairs
  218. >"ANONYMOUS, WAIT! I SHALL ASSIST YOU!"
  219. OH GOD DON'T ASSIST-
  220. >Too late
  221. >Another Spaghettisplosion marks the arrival of Princess Luna - Goddess of the Night and Queen of the Dreamscape.
  222. >Your living room is now caked in red, tomato tasting sauce
  223. WHY?!
  224. >"WE... UHH... I MEAN- I THINK. WE COMMAND YOU TO-"
  225. >She can't speak properly
  226. >You gawp at her as she tries to find words
  227. >Eventually she just shuts her mouth
  228. >Smiles at you
  229. >And nods her head enthusiastically in your direction, as if you were meant to understand it
  230. >You run into your kitchen, slipping and sliding on your floor, which is now ankle deep in Dolmio
  231. >Luna tries to follow you, but instead just slides after you on her face
  232. >She crashes into your legs from behind and you land on her back
  233. >She instantly pops a wingboner so hard a small sonicboom breaks your expensive china and kitchen window
  234. >"HUZZAH! THE HUMAN ANONYMOUS HAS INITIATED SEXUAL ACTIVITIES!"
  235. WHAT? NO!
  236. >"WE SHALL NOW DEPART TO CANTERLOT TO PROCREATE AND CONTINUE THE ROYAL BLOODLINE!"
  237. OH GODDESS PLEASE NO
  238. >Her horn crackles with terrifying power and the front wall of your house detonates, sending wood and stone everywhere
  239. >Fluttershy, about to knock on your door, has a heart attack and assumes the Possum Position
  240. >Luna's wings flex and she takes flight, you clinging to her neck for dear life
  241. >Luna shouts over the wind
  242. >"ANONYMOUS! I AM PLEASED THAT YOU HAVE ADMITTED YOUR PASSION FOR ME, TELL ME, WHAT SEXUAL POSITION SHALL WE ATTEMPT FIRST? I HAVE MANY BOOKS, SEVERAL THOUSAND YEARS OLD, ON THE TOPIC OF SEX."
  243. FOR FUCKS SAKE, LUNA, I WANT TO GET OFF!
  244. >"YES! AND WE SHALL IN DUE TIME, LOVER! OH MY. WE MUST ALSO TELL MY SISTER OF THE GOOD NEWS!"
  245. YOU'RE INSANE!
  246. >"I WAS IMPRISONED FOR A THOUSAND YEARS! OF COURSE I'M INSANE!"
  247. AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
  248. >You soar through clouds at a speed that would make Rainbow Dash blush
  249. >Eventually Luna hits a speed so high the air itself rearranges it's molecules to become the exact chemical consistency of Pastasauce, erupting in a collossal explosion of red in the evening sky
  250. >You feel sorry for any pony underneath it
  251. >Canterlot Castle draws closer and Luna shows no sign of stopping
  252. >Your throat is sore from screaming and shouting over the wind
  253. LUNA! SLOW DOWN! WE'RE GOING TO CRASH!
  254. >She looks back and grins, her eye twitching
  255. >"WE CANNOT STOP, ANONYMOUS! THERE ARE NO MEANS OF SLOWING DOWN ON THIS JOURNEY!"
  256. LUUUUUUNAAAAAAAAA-
  257. >You both crash into Luna's bedroom through the wall
  258. >Luna's Alicorn skull smashed into the wall like a bulldozer
  259. >You kept your head low to prevent any pieces of rock from crushing any bones
  260. >Fortunately you survive unscathed
  261. >Unfortunately you survived.
  262. >You look around at Luna's room
  263. >Pictures of you adorn the walls, including a very recent looking one of you looking straight at her, you see leaves all around the camera lens
  264. >Oh. That was today.
  265. >Luna smiles at you
  266. >"And now! We procreate! The Royal Bloodline won't continue itself!"
  267. Fuckin' A.
  268.  
  269. >You spend the rest of the night getting raped over and over again by the Goddess of the Moon.
  270. >Biology also flips you the bird and she ends up pregnant
  271. >The creature she eventually gives birth too marks the end of civilisation in Equestria.
  272. >It's very existence is so chaotic and such a sin against nature that the seal on Discord's prison is shattered and he returns, angrier than ever
  273. >This time he doesn't bother with any mind games, he just flat out destroys the elements of harmony
  274. >Unable to stop him, Twilight and Celestia surrender themselves and he uses their bodies as puppets to reenact old Shakespeare plays like Hamlet and Macbeth
  275. >They're actually really convincing performances. The critics love them.
  276.  
  277. >Oh and in case you were wondering
  278. >Luna called the abomination Dave.
  279.  
  280. >Fucking Dave.
  281.  
  282. The End

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