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[FLUTTERRAPE] The Everfree Bar

By Nebulus
Created: 2020-12-17 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-07-03 12:40:34
Expiry: Never
anonfluttershyocnsfwcomedy/flutterrape/zecora

  1. Originally uploaded to Pastebin: February 3rd, 2013
  2. ---
  3.  
  4. >Day Strangeness in Equestria
  5. >Wake up
  6. >Look at the wall across from your bed
  7. >A message is written on the wall
  8. >"Look up"
  9. >Look up
  10. >Fluttershy is positioned between two wooden beams, spread eagled over you, grinning
  11. OH HELL NO
  12. >She drops like a stone onto you and starts vigorously humping your face
  13. >Marejuice and the smell of a zoo fill your senses
  14. >With Fluttershy's horsevag occupying your entire vision, you stumble around the room waving your arms about and screaming
  15. >Eventually, Fluttershy climaxes and tenses up, gripping your head in a vice-like grip before falling off you
  16. >You fall the other way and you both lie panting on your bedroom floor
  17. >Slowly wipe the clear sticky goo from your face and glare at Fluttershy, who is lying flat on her back, sighing dreamily
  18. >Get to your feet and pick her up
  19. >Carry her over to the window
  20. >Throw her out
  21. >Walk into the bathroom and after that rather unorthodox means of waking up, you commence the routine.
  22.  
  23. >Shit, shower, shave.
  24. >Same as every day
  25. >You open your kitchen cupboard and pull out a box of Applejacks.
  26. >Pouring the bowl you lick your lips
  27. >Can still taste Fluttershy
  28. >It's gross
  29. >That mare never washes herself
  30. >You sit down at the table and chow down, thinking about what you're going to do today
  31. >Celestia had given you a handsome amount of money, as well as several forms of income due to being an endangered species, an ambassador for your people, and she owes you a favour
  32. >You think back to the moment where you saved Celestia from certain peril
  33. >From a wayward leaf
  34. >You had no idea that she had a phobia of leaves
  35. >Apparently, fall is one of her favourite seasons; because she likes watching leaves crumble and die
  36. >The more you know
  37. >In short, you have a fuckton of money, and don't need to work
  38. >You spend most of your days being lazy, indulging in food and chasing away Fluttershy, who also doesn't need to work because her parents pay for everything
  39. >You were shocked to find out that her mother is a porn star and her father is some pretentious contemporary artist
  40. >You've seen his work. It's terrible. Not even art. And yet people still pay for it.
  41. >Basically they both make ludicrous amounts of money from screwing the public
  42. >Boo yah
  43. >You finish up and head on outside, watching your back for Fluttershy lurking in any bushes
  44. >You turn your head and look at a nearby tree
  45. >Squint at it
  46. >Blink
  47. >Fluttershy is now stood in front of it, giving you the same look a deer would use on an oncoming car
  48. >Blink again
  49. >She's now wearing a massive strap-on, easily the girth of one of your arms
  50. >Blink
  51. >She's oiled up
  52. >Blink
  53. >She's jumped forwards a bit, still regarding you with the same confused look and fearful eyes
  54. >Nope
  55. >You backpedal the other direction, still watching Fluttershy who is pawing the ground
  56. >Turn all the way around and run into town, not looking back for a second
  57. >Later on you arrive at Twilight's, knocking on the door and panting
  58. >Spike opens the door
  59. >"Hey, Anon. What's up?"
  60. The sky
  61. >Laugh Track
  62. >You jump over Spike and stride up to Twilight, who is reading a book - "Creating Scientific Abominations for Dummies"
  63. >Damn that mare and her brilliant mind
  64. >You clear your throat
  65. >She looks up, sipping her tea
  66. >"Ah, good morning, Anonymous! What can I do for you?"
  67. Fluttershy is being creepy. Make her go away please.
  68. >Twilight sighs
  69. >"Anon. Every single day for the last 4 months you've come to this library and said the same thing. And every day I tell you the same thing. Do you know what my routine is?"
  70. Uhh-
  71. >"Day X in Ponyville, Wake up, Poop, shower, brush mane, wake up Spike, go downstairs, drink tea, and while I'm doing it, you always knock on the door."
  72. >Stare at her
  73. Holy shit I'm Fluttershy
  74. >"What- No! You're just annoying. Come on, Anon. We're friends, yes. But I need my space! Stop coming to my house every morning and accusing Fluttershy of rape!"
  75. But she was humping my face this morning!
  76. >"Oh yes, and I'm an Alicorn. Get out of my house."
  77. >You slump and slowly walk out
  78. >Great, so now Twilight won't even help you.
  79. >You walk through the streets of early morning Ponyville, kicking a rock along in front of you
  80. >You look up and are taken aback
  81. >Zecora is at a stall, buying some supplies
  82. >You've only ever met her once
  83. >She's pretty cool
  84. >Walk on over
  85. Hey there, Zecora. What's new?
  86. >She turns to you, raising an eyebrow
  87. >"My oh my, great hairless ape. What's this I hear about accusing rape?"
  88. Wait, what? How did you know about that?
  89. >"There is no need to look so tense, I merely abused my zebra sense!"
  90. Holy shit that's actually a thing?
  91. >"Why of course, my tallest friend! But do not tell Applejack, or I shall never hear the end..."
  92. Noted.
  93. >"So what's this about the rape, my dearest ape?"
  94. You just used 'rape' and 'ape' twice.
  95. >"If you do not stop acting so aloof, you shall feel the back of my hoof."
  96. Sorry.
  97. >She frowns at you
  98. Anyway, Fluttershy keeps trying to get into my pants. And I don't want that. So she's settled for forcing herself onto me every day. It's annoying as hell. Any hints?
  99. >She clears her throat
  100. >"Though a solution to your ills I cannot give, I can instead offer you a place for you to live."
  101. Seriously? You'll let me stay with you so Fluttershy can't touch me?
  102. >"From the correct course, you are not far. But what I offer is a most peculiar bar."
  103. ...A bar.
  104. >"Indeed I do, a bar I offer you."
  105. That was a needlessly complicated way to confirm what I said, Zecora.
  106. >She scowls
  107. >"The bar has appeared in times most recent, and its contents are far from decent."
  108. >You motion for her to continue
  109. >"It is a dark place of mysterious figures, who drink under the moonlight like a bunch of ni-"
  110. Woah mare. Keep it PG-13.
  111. >"...Though its denizens are foul, and those that cross them might die, you can find solace in the fact that they all hate Fluttershy."
  112. So what you're saying is, somewhere in the Everfree forest, there's a bar full of horrific creatures that all share the same amount of hatred for... Fluttershy
  113. >"This is most true, you."
  114. Huh. Where abouts in the Everfree is it?
  115. >"Where the plants are greenest, and the sky is ever blue, you do not find the bar. It finds you."
  116. >With that she pulls out an orb and throws it at the ground, cracking it and releasing a torrent white smoke
  117. >You try not to cough up a lung, and when it clears, you see Zecora running as fast as she can down an alley
  118. >Crazy zebra
  119. >Going about your day, the thought of this bar continues to infect your mind
  120. >"Uhh, Anon? You gonna buy something?"
  121. Huh? What?
  122. >You find yourself stood at the counter in Sugarcube Corner, Mr Cake giving you an odd look
  123. Oh, right, right, yes.
  124. >You give the pony some bits for a pastry and sit down to eat it
  125. >You chew absent-mindedly on the treat, enjoying the multitude of flavours it brings
  126. >Look out the window, looking towards the forest at the edge of town
  127. I wonder...
  128. >"Wonder what, Nonny?"
  129. >Turn your head towards the freakishly huge blue eyes peering at you
  130. >You actually measured them once
  131. >They're the size of your outstretched palm
  132. >It's not right
  133. >Her eyes creep out her skull and press onto yours
  134. >You're too scared and confused to move
  135. >You can see inside her eyes
  136. >Jesus fucking Christ
  137. >There are bicycles and trumpets in here
  138. >What the fuck, Ponko Pea
  139. >You tear your head away, your eyes peeling away from Pinkie's with a noise like pulling a wet t-shirt off skin
  140. >Pinkie grins at you
  141. >"So whatcha wonderin'?"
  142. Uhh. Nothing...
  143. >Can't let her know about the bar
  144. >Pinkie picks up a stack of paper stapled together
  145. >She flicks through it, her eyes darting across it in a typical skim-read fashion
  146. >"OOoooh, you're looking for the Everfree Bar?"
  147. >Wait what
  148. >Your eyes widen and your jaw drops open slightly
  149. How did you...?
  150. >She smiles and shows you the front of the stack of paper
  151. >"[SCRIPT]"
  152. Fucking really, Pinkie Pie?
  153. >"That's how I roll."
  154. >With that, she reveals that she was a paper cut-out with an image of Pinkie on it the whole time and drifts out a nearby window on a slight breeze
  155. >You watch her fly away on the wind, carefree and saying "WEEEE!"
  156. >Shake your head and finish your pastry
  157. >Walk out the door and onto the street
  158. >The sun is high in the sky
  159. >Summers in Equestria are ridiculously hot. The ponies don't mind, since they have short fur and don't wear clothes
  160. >You, on the other hand, wear clothes
  161. >Horrible, hot, heavy clothes.
  162. >You stroll through the streets, the sun beating down on you and beads of sweat forming all over your body
  163. >Fuck this
  164. >You pull off your shirt and let your bare skin soak in the sun
  165. >It's actually kind of nice without the burning hot fabric covering you
  166. >You smile, close your eyes, and hold your arms out slightly, basking in the warmth of the sun
  167. >Realise that there is suddenly no noise
  168. >Open your eyes and look around
  169. >Every single pony around is staring at you
  170. >The mares are letting their tongues roll out
  171. >A minty green one shouts at you
  172. >"TAKE IT ALL OFF! WOOOOO!"
  173. FUCK YOU, LYRA.
  174. >Storm back to your house, clutching your shirt and fuming as ponies holler and whoop
  175. >Some of them even throw bits your way
  176. >Fucking ponies
  177. >You don't need their charity
  178. >Throw open your front door and scrunch your face up as the hot air that has been trapped in your house all morning hits you
  179. >Growl and stomp upstairs to grab a dry shirt
  180. >Your room smells even worse than the rest of the house
  181. >Probably has something to do with the dried Flutterjuice on the floor
  182. >Disgusting
  183. >You walk over to the closet and reach in for a t-shirt
  184. >Pulling it out you sigh
  185. >It's too fucking hot outside
  186. >Can't go back into town
  187. >Ponies will throw money at you
  188. >Can't stay here
  189. >It's boring and smells of Fluttershy. Would probably remain smelly even if you opened all the windows
  190. >Seriously, her smell sticks. Like something died.
  191. >You walk back out the door and put on your t-shirt
  192. >Would rather pass out from heat than give those god damn ponies what they want
  193. >You look towards the Everfree forest
  194. >All that shade
  195. >Fuck it, why not. You've never actually gone in there.
  196. >With your mind made up, nothing to do, and a town full of horny horses as the only other option, you head off towards the forest
  197. >Ponies always said it was the scariest place in the world, but you never really saw it.
  198. >Looks like any forest back home, really. Just a bit darker
  199. >You stuff your hands in your pockets and take your time walking towards the forest's edge
  200. >A rustling in a nearby bush alerts you to the presence of a pair of teal eyes
  201. Oh go fuck-
  202. >Fluttershy lunges out of the bush and tackles you to the ground
  203. >You glare up at her
  204. >She quivers on your chest and drools all over your face
  205. >You try to speak
  206. >A bit of Flutterdribble gets in your mouth
  207. >Turn your head and spit
  208. >Look back and slap her across the face
  209. >She squeals
  210. Fuckin' horse...
  211. >Stand up and look down at the trembling wreck on the floor, the area between her legs soaking wet
  212. >Feel your t-shirt
  213. >It's like a soggy sponge
  214. Yeah, of course.
  215. >You tear it off and crumple it into a ball before hurling it away from you
  216. >Fluttershy flies after it
  217. >Shake your head and carry on walking to the forest
  218. >Not 5 steps later you get tackled yet again
  219. >Fluttershy is now stood on you, dripping onto your bare chest and your shirt stuffed in her mouth
  220. FUCKING HELL
  221. >"Mffffph mph mmmmm..."
  222. >Her dripping turns into a slight trickle
  223. >A puddle is forming on your stomach
  224. >Growl and grab her by her mane
  225. >Stand up and overarm throw her at a tree
  226. >She slams into it and slumps to the floor
  227. >You decide to get to the forest as soon as possible
  228. >Cursing everything you can, you make your way to the tree line
  229. Stupid fucking sun, stupid fucking heat, stupid fucking ponies, stupid fucking Flutters-
  230. >You get tackled.
  231. >Again.
  232. >Fluttershy buries her face, complete with soggy mouth-shirt into your chest
  233. ARE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING BRAIN DAMAGED?!
  234. >She spits it out
  235. >At your face, which is close to turning purple with rage
  236. >"D-don't shout, mister..."
  237. >You try not to tear off your own facial skin in frustration
  238. >The soggy, smelly, sticky t-shirt sat on it isn't helping
  239. >You rip it off and sock Fluttershy straight the jaw
  240. >She's lifted off you from the impact and lands on her back
  241. >"Oooh yeah, baby... Hit me harder..."
  242. I didn't think it was physically possible for me to hate you so much.
  243. >"That's m-mean"
  244. I'm would normally tear out your spine and beat you with it, but I have shit to do. Now fuck off and let me explore the Everfree
  245. >Her head snaps up, and she looks at you fearfully
  246. >"T-the Everfree? You're going to the Everfree?"
  247. >Roll your eyes
  248. Yes, coward. I am. And you can't stop me
  249. >You turn your back to her and keep walking
  250. >She flies after you and starts tugging on your arm, pulling you back towards town
  251. >"N-no! It's dangerous in there!"
  252. Birds and small furry animals aren't dangerous, Fluttershy. Stop being a faggot.
  253. >"NO! You're c-coming back with me to my cottage..."
  254. I for one, choose death.
  255. >You jerk your arm out of her grasp and set off in a run towards the forest
  256. >Fluttershy flies in front of you, flying backwards and facing you while you carry on running
  257. >"No! I w-won't let you!"
  258. >She hovers while stationary in the air and holds out her hooves
  259. >You ram right into her and send her flying
  260. >Chuckle and keep on running
  261. >Sweet embrace of Mother Nature, here you come
  262. >"ANONYMOUS!"
  263. >Uh oh.
  264. >Look back
  265. >Fluttershy looks mad as hell
  266. >"IF YOU DON'T GET THE SUGARCANE BACK HERE, I'LL DRAG YOU BACK HERE MYSELF!"
  267. >Sugarcane
  268. >She's so cute
  269. Nah, I think I'll pass.
  270. >She screams and takes off towards you
  271. WOAHSHIT
  272. >Make like a tree and get the fuck out of there
  273. >Fluttershy chases you across the grass towards the Everfree, screaming all the while
  274. >Surprising how fast you can move when you're scared for your life
  275. >"YOU'RE GOING TO COME BACK WITH ME TO MY COTTAGE, AND YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE IT! AND THEN WE'RE GOING TO MAKE LOVE!"
  276. NIGGA YOU CRAZY!
  277. >"THIS IS A PG-13 STORY! PEE GEE THUR-TEEN!"
  278. FUCK THE FCC!
  279. >More screaming
  280. >You finally make it to the forest
  281. >It's even more wonderful than you imagined
  282. >The shadows of the thick canopies cover you, cooling your body and shielding your eyes from the glare of the sun above
  283. >Smile
  284. >This is wonderful
  285. >You sigh and slow down, taking in the lush undergrowth
  286. >You walk between the thick trunks and bask in the shadows of the Everfree
  287. I can see why Zecora prefers to live here...
  288. >A swarm of fireflies buzzes by
  289. >You watch them in silent wonderment
  290. >Fireflies, during the day.
  291. >This place is amazing
  292. >"YOU WILL LOVE ME!"
  293. >This place is a prison and you're the poor little white guy
  294. >You see Fluttershy hovering above the canopy
  295. >You duck down a ditch under a tree root and watch her through a hole in the tree-tops
  296. >She darts to and fro, looking for you
  297. >She must be too scared to follow you in
  298. >Gotta use this to your advantage
  299. >You creep through the bushes, watching the sky through the cracks in the leaves
  300. >Fluttershy occasionally makes an appearance, before screaming in frustration and flying over to another part of the forest
  301. >"ANON! GET OUT HERE NOW!"
  302. >Mutter under your breath
  303. Sure thing, psycho
  304. >You really have no idea why she, or any other pony, wants you so badly
  305. >You don't have this problem with Twilight or Rainbow Dash
  306. >You momentarily flashback to a certain moment a few weeks after you arrived in Ponyville
  307.  
  308. >You kick open the door to the library, knocking spike aside and slamming the door behind you while mares lick the windows and ask you to spank them and call them bad fillies
  309. TWILIGHT! I REQUIRE MAGICAL ASSISTANCE!
  310. >Twilight stumbles out of her darkened room, her mane a complete mess
  311. >Rainbow Dash follows her, squinting her eyes at you from the bright light streaming in from the windows
  312. >She pats down her ruffled wings and wipes her mouth with a foreleg
  313. >"Waddya want, Anon? We're... Busy."
  314. HELP ME!
  315. >The two look at each other then look back at you
  316. >"Nah"
  317. >They walk back into Twilight's room and slam the door
  318. >At that moment, the glass windows give way and you're swarmed with horny mares, much to Spike's prepubescent joy
  319.  
  320. >Back in the forest, you are hidden in a bush, watching Fluttershy hover over a gap in the trees scanning the area
  321. >She looks in your direction and you lower your head slightly, the bush providing ample cover
  322. >She growls and drifts skywards again
  323. >You wait for a few minutes, counting the seconds until you're sure she's gone
  324. >It's been about 15 minutes since you entered the forest
  325. >You have no idea where you're going, but as long as you're in here and Fluttershy is up there, you're safe.
  326. >After sneaking around for 10 more minutes, you come to a large open clearing
  327. >You have no idea where in the forest you are, but you're enjoying yourself too much to care
  328. >Look at the skies
  329. >Nothing
  330. >Timidly walk out into the clearing, watching your back like some overly cautious woodland animal
  331. >You smile as a slight breeze rolls by, causing the ankle deep grass to sway and the trees to rustle
  332. >Giggle slightly
  333. >Start walking to the other side of the clearing, enjoying the heat of the sun contrasting with your cool skin from so long in the shadows
  334. >That is, until you hear a scream
  335. >"ANON! THERE YOU ARE!"
  336. Oh fuck.
  337. >Look up
  338. >Fluttershy is staring down at you, a malevolent grin on her face, and clear liquid running down her leg and hitting the grass in front of you
  339. >She flies towards you, hooves outstretched and the look of a serial rapist on her face
  340. >"YOU'RE MINE NOW!"
  341. >With the rape train itself hurtling towards you, you throw your head back and scream in defiance before she reaches you
  342. FUCKING FLUTTERSHY
  343. >You hear a loud crack, a boom like thunder, and smell a mixture of smoke and alcohol
  344. >Open your eyes
  345. What the actual fuck.
  346. >You're stood in a room, surrounded by other humans, who are sat around tables and talking to one another
  347. >The building is made of wood, a log cabin, to be exact
  348. >Light peeks in under thick blinds that cover the windows
  349. >A ceiling fan slowly rotates overhead
  350. >A group of people laugh in a corner and you hear the familiar sound of glasses clicking together
  351. >Are you... Back on Earth?
  352. >You spin around, trying to take in everything
  353. >Eventually, a person sat at the bar, nursing a shot glass turns to face you
  354. >He smiles
  355. >"You new?"
  356. >And then you realise something
  357. >Everyone looks identical
  358. >They are all copies of you.
  359. >Slowly walk over to the bar and sit down, staring slack jawed at everything around you
  360. Did I die? Is this hell?
  361. >The copy of you slaps you on the back
  362. >"Quite the opposite, Anon. If anything, this heaven."
  363. >You glance at him
  364. >He slides a shot of something strong smelling towards you
  365. >"Drink up and relax. You're safe here."
  366. Where uhh. Where IS here?
  367. >"Oh. Right. Welcome to the Everfree Bar, Anon."
  368. >Zecora was actually telling the truth
  369. >This place exists
  370. >A place filled with creatures that hate Fluttershy...
  371. >You feel a smile crossing your face
  372. I can't believe this... Zecora was right
  373. >"Oh, that's how you found out? Yeah, most of us spoke to Zecora. She's a weird one."
  374. I don't understand. What IS all this?
  375. >"It's a bar in the middle of the Everfree Forest inhabited by clones of you from parallel universes. What's not to understand?"
  376. Uhh. Everything.
  377. >He drains his glass
  378. >"Well don't worry, we've got time. Allow me to explain."
  379. >He gets off his stool, you follow him with your eyes
  380. >He takes a mock bow and motions to the rest of the bar
  381. >"This - Is the Everfree Bar. It sits on a peculiar rift between parallel worlds, it also seems that only you, or people who are rather close to you, can find it."
  382. >You raise an eyebrow
  383. >"It is a safe haven from that... Thing... Outside. You just so happened to shout the phrase that triggers it. And trust me when we say we've tried to figure it out, but we can't."
  384. What do you mean?
  385. >"Well, how exactly are you supposed to explain an interdimensional bar that only appears when you scream "Fucking Fluttershy"?"
  386. I suppose it would be pretty hard
  387. >"Yeah, it is."
  388. So uhh. How did you find it?
  389. >"I got chased here by Fluttershy. She was trying to see if bear rape was my fetish"
  390. Sounds gruesome.
  391. >"It was. I lost an arm"
  392. >You realise that his other arm is mechanical
  393. Woah, where the hell did you get that?
  394. >"Well in my world, Twilight is a genius beyond her years. Hell, you should see this other Anon. He comes from a world where she builds fully functional robot ponies capable of learning and love."
  395. So what exactly do you do here?
  396. >"Well, just hide out, really. Sooner or later, everyone finds the bar. And then they just need to pop on by and say "Fucking Fluttershy". The bar will appear and you can do whatever yo-"
  397. >At that moment a massive hulk of a man materialises in the middle of the room
  398. >He's wearing a full suit of armour and carrying a sword as long as you
  399. Holy shit.
  400. >"Oh, that's Anon. Hey, Anon."
  401. >He the hulk turns to you, eyes burning red from under his spiked helmet"
  402. >"H-hey"
  403. >He stomps over to a corner and sits down, resting his sword against the wall, and begins talking to some other Anons at the table
  404. Huh. What's his story?
  405. >"Overlord. Got stranded here. Sad, really. He's a great guy."
  406. >Anon sits back down and smiles
  407. >"So, what else do you want to know?"
  408. I... Do I need to pay for beer?
  409. >"Nah. All free. You can get utterly shitfaced and not have to pay a single bit. Pretty cool, right?"
  410. Hell yeah! So uhh, could I get a drink?
  411. >"Sure"
  412. >Anon motions over the bartender
  413. >A brown stallion
  414. Wait, how is there a pony here?
  415. >"Oh, a handful of ponies drop by here. Bluey here runs the place. But it's rare to get any ponies here, because really, how many times is a PONY going to scream "Fucking Fluttershy" in the middle of a forest?"
  416. Huh. I guess that makes sense.
  417. >"It makes total sense. Now shut up and lets get drunk"
  418. >Bluey pours you a drink and winks at you as he passes it
  419. >You watch him go and then nudge Anon
  420. The bartender just winked at me. Should I be afraid?
  421. >"Nah. Bluey's cool. He just wants to keep us as drunk as possible."
  422. How did he end up here?
  423. >"Lost his old job, worked on a cruise liner or some shit. Somehow ended up here, and with nowhere else to go, decided to maintain the bar."
  424. Quite a selfless act.
  425. >"Yup. He's like the opposite of Fluttershy."
  426. >He glares at his drink for a second when he says the name
  427. So how did Zecora find out about this place?
  428. >"No idea. No Anon here can get an explanation out of her. She just knows that it's here. Like Pinkie Pie."
  429. Pinkie Pie knows about this place?
  430. >"Honestly, Anon. How could she not?"
  431. True.
  432. >You both drink in silence
  433. >You start smiling much more as you sit there, thinking about this new sanctuary you've found
  434. >Eventually, the Anon next to you finishes his last drink, burps, and stands up, swaying slightly
  435. >"Welp, I gotta get back home. Lyra will be missing me."
  436. Lyra...?
  437. >"Aye. We're married."
  438. >He wipes his mouth
  439. >"Fuck this shit, I'm out."
  440. >And then he's gone
  441. >You stare at the place where he once was
  442. >Turn back to the bar
  443. >Call Bluey over
  444. Uhh, hi.
  445. >"Afternoon, Anon. What can I getcha?"
  446. Just a quick question, how do I get out of here?
  447. >"Oh, just say 'Fuck this shit, I'm out'"
  448. >Bluey vanishes
  449. >You blink
  450. >Then you hear a pop behind you
  451. >Bluey walks back around the bar and smiles at you
  452. >"See?"
  453. >He passes you another bottle of beer
  454. >Read the label
  455. >'Honeymess'
  456. >Raise an eyebrow
  457. >Bluey grins at you and goes to serve another Anon down the bar
  458. >You hop off your seat and look around the bar
  459. >See a group of Anons in the corner
  460. >Grip your bottle and walk over, clearing your throat when you get near
  461. >One of them looks up
  462. >"What the FUCK do you want?"
  463. >The Anon next to him frowns
  464. >"Don't be mean, Angry."
  465. >'Angry' glowers at the other Anon and goes back to drinking
  466. >The Anon in the middle gives you a neutral look
  467. >"Hey there. Take a seat."
  468. >You oblige and sit down
  469. >You look at the three
  470. >The one of the left is trying to hate his drink to death, the one in the middle has an utterly blank look on his face, and the one on the right is smiling at you
  471. >The smiling one extends his hand
  472. >"Hello, I'm Happynon. Or Happy, for short."
  473. >Shake his hand
  474. Uhh, hey. So what's your deal?
  475. >The middle Anon speaks up
  476. >"Well, when I got to Equestria, I got split into three."
  477. >He motions to Happynon
  478. >"This one, who is the physical embodiment of my happiness"
  479. >He jerks a thumb to 'Angry'
  480. >"And this grumpy fuck. He's Angrynon"
  481. >Angrynon grunts and sips his beer
  482. Doesn't seem like the most talkative of people.
  483. >"Why would he be? He's my anger in human form. Besides, he's in a bad mood today. Fluttershy stuck a dildo in his ass while he was passed out on a park bench"
  484. >You try not to laugh
  485. >Angrynon's head snaps up and he glares at you
  486. >"ONE FUCKING WORD, ANON. ONE SINGLE FUCKING WORD."
  487. Uhh, sorry...
  488. >"You will be."
  489. >He goes back to glaring at the table
  490. >Happynon speaks up
  491. >"So what brought you here, Anonymous?"
  492. Oh, got chased here by Fluttershy. Was about to be raped until this bar just appeared out of nowhere.
  493. >"Ahh. Just like most of the Anons here."
  494. >He rests his head on the shoulder of the middle Anon
  495. >Raise an eyebrow
  496. You two seem... Close.
  497. >The middle Anon answers a little bit too fast
  498. >"It's not gay if it's me."
  499. >You hold each other's gazes while Happynon giggles
  500. Uhh. I'm gonna go
  501. >Angrynon grunts again
  502. >"Good riddance"
  503. >Happynon answers in a dreamy voice
  504. >"Goodbye!"
  505. >Middlenon just bluntly says "Bye"
  506. >You stand up and look around for more tables to sit at
  507. >You see another Anon in a dark alcove of the bar, practically surrounded by shadows
  508. >You walk over and take a seat next to him
  509. >He offers a smile
  510. >"Hey"
  511. Hi.
  512. >Sit down
  513. >"So what's your story?"
  514. Chased here by Fluttershy, yours?
  515. >"Just happened by this place"
  516. >You chuckle, and ask jokingly:
  517. So uhh, what weird quirk have you got?
  518. >He looks straight at you
  519. >"I'm a Vampire"
  520. >You stare at him
  521. ...Seriously?
  522. >"Yup. That's why I'm sat in these here shadows."
  523. >You shuffle away from him slightly
  524. >"Heh, don't worry. I've already eaten"
  525. >A figure in the shadows, previously concealed, who you hadn't noticed, leans forwards
  526. >It's Twilight fucking Sparkle
  527. Twilight?!
  528. >She grins at you
  529. >"Did you enjoy your ti-"
  530. >A whiskey bottle smashes just above her head before she can finish
  531. >Bluey bellows at her from across the bar
  532. >"SHUT THE FUCK UP, TWILIGHT!"
  533. >Twilight sulks and leans back, folding her forelegs and making a "pffft" noise
  534. >"You guys aren't fun..."
  535. >You stare at her, and look back at Vampanon
  536. >He seems completely indifferent to the situation and drinks his glass of what you assume is blood
  537. >He answers your thoughts before you can open your mouth
  538. >"It's cranberry juice, Anon."
  539. Oh.
  540. >"Vampires like variety too. It just doesn't sustain me."
  541. I see...
  542. >You look back at Twilight, who is scribbling notes down on a piece of paper, various boxes and hastily written words connected by lines
  543. I'm uhh, I'm gonna go.
  544. >Vampanon nods
  545. >"Goodbye, and welcome to the bar."
  546. >Twilight smiles at you
  547. >"Good bye, Anon."
  548. >Her smile contorts into something much more sinister
  549. >"I'll be watching."
  550. >Vampanon sighs
  551. >"Fucking hell, Twilight. Just shut up."
  552. >She frowns and goes back to scribbling
  553. >Stand up and look around the bar
  554. >See a single Anon sat alone in the middle of the room, nursing a jet black ball
  555. >Walk over and take a seat across from him
  556. >He looks up at you, a frown on his face
  557. So. What's up with you?
  558. >"My love holds no power here, that's what."
  559. Your... Love?
  560. >He motions to the ball
  561. >You look at it
  562. >You swear you can hear voices echo throughout your head while you look at it
  563. >Anon "Hmmms" and strokes it
  564. >"See, in MY world, I'm a god."
  565. >That caught you off guard
  566. A god?
  567. >"Yes, a god. I tore the world asunder after they stole my love away from me."
  568. Even Celestia?
  569. >"Especially Celestia. I turned her heart into a black hole"
  570. Damn, nigga.
  571. >He reaches over and slaps you
  572. >"It's a PG-13 story, Anon."
  573. OH COME ON!
  574. >He smiles and pats his ball
  575. >"Thing is, even after I had annihilated the world and eradicated Ponykind, this bar still stands."
  576. >He frowns again
  577. >"I just can't do anything here. Not even read the minds of people around me. My love is most fearful of this place. I'm trying to tell her that there's nothing to worry about"
  578. Uh huh...
  579. >He shakes his head and sighs
  580. >"Ahh well. She's not listening. Guess I'd better head back. I'm thinking of recreating Ponykind, what do you think?"
  581. Sounds good, I guess. Just don't include Fluttershy
  582. >He grins
  583. >"Oh believe me, I won't. Fuck this shit, I'm out."
  584. >He blinks out of reality, leaving you alone at the table
  585. >You decide to stay seated, drinking your beer and enjoying the funny aftertaste it gives
  586. >You aren't sure if you like it or not
  587. >Some time passes and you listen in on various conversations around the room
  588. >Someone is planning world domination through science
  589. >Another is complaining about how Fluttershy trapped him and herself inside the tunnels beneath Canterlot
  590. >You smile as one recites the tale of how Fluttershy died in a storm
  591. >You look up
  592. >Another Anon takes a seat where the ball-anon was previously sat
  593. >He mutters a small hello
  594. Hi.
  595. >He tries to smile
  596. >Bluey drifts by and places a drink in front of him
  597. >"Hey there, Pyro. You be careful today, ya hear?"
  598. >He looks at you
  599. >"Enjoying your drink, Anon?"
  600. I'm not sure if I like the taste or not
  601. >He laughs
  602. >"That's what they all say. Call me if you need anything."
  603. >He continues walking around the bar, serving the other Anons
  604. >You turn back to the one he called "Pyro"
  605. So, what's with the name?
  606. >Pyro looks at you
  607. >Then at the table
  608. >And the coaster you're resting your bottle on catches fire
  609. OH SHIT
  610. >You pour beer on it and look back at pyro, a shocked expression on your face
  611. Did you do that?
  612. >He nods
  613. What the hell, man?
  614. >He smiles weakly
  615. >"It's hard to control..."
  616. >You mutter while you try and mop up the beer with a napkin
  617. I feel sorry for the residents of Ponyville
  618. >He sighs
  619. >"There's no more Ponyville where I'm from"
  620. >Look up at him
  621. >He's staring at his hands sadly, you see a few tears forming in his eyes
  622. Woah, hey. Don't cry, man. What happened?
  623. >"I... I just couldn't control it."
  624. >Give him a sympathetic look
  625. I'm sorry to hear that.
  626. >He glances up, a genuine smile on his face
  627. >"I-I'm getting better though! Now things only set on fire when I lose concentration!"
  628. That's great!
  629. >"Yup... And my girlfriend found a new job too, so that's cool"
  630. Girlfriend, eh? What kind of mare could put up with uhh, you? No offense.
  631. >He smiles wistfully
  632. >"Ditzy Doo. I love her so much"
  633. >Raise an eyebrow for the 50th time that day
  634. Derpy? Seriously?
  635. >He scowls at you
  636. >"Don't call her that."
  637. >Your coaster sets on fire again
  638. >You just watch it turn to ashes
  639. >Pyro sits back and starts fiddling with his hands again
  640. >"Umm... Sorry..."
  641. It's ok, I guess. I didn't know you didn't like that name.
  642. >Pyro picks up his own drink and starts chugging it down
  643. >You watch him down an entire bottle in a few gulps
  644. Damn, bro. Don't you want to at least savour it?
  645. >"I am savouring it. This stuff is delicious! Have you tried it?"
  646. >He shows you his bottle
  647. >"Honeymess Deluxe"
  648. >Oh boy
  649. >You talk with Pyro some more about his life with Ditzy in Manehatten
  650. >Sounds like they have a pretty good thing going
  651. >He works as fire-fighter, Ironically. And Derpy got a job at the local antiques store
  652. >You tried not to cringe when you heard that
  653. >As the afternoon wears on, he announces that he's leaving
  654. Wait! Before you go, you said you live in Manehatten?
  655. >"Yup."
  656. Soo, where is the bar located for you?
  657. >"Down a back alley behind a porn theatre. Don't ask me how I found out about it. I just said "Fucking Fluttershy" after she followed me and boom, I ended up here. Got scared and nearby burnt the place down"
  658. Huh. So it's in different places for different people…
  659. >"Apparently s-so. But most folks here find it in the Everfree. Anywho, fuck this shit, I'm out."
  660. >Poof
  661. >You go back to drinking
  662. >You're feeling pretty buzzed now, the honey drinks are starting to taste pretty good
  663. >You watch as an Anon pops into the middle of the bar and walks up to the counter
  664. >Bluey narrows his eyes at him for a second before sighing
  665. >He reaches under the bar
  666. >Pulls out a crossbow
  667. >And shoots Anon right in the chest
  668. >You stand up
  669. Holy shit! What the fuck, Bluey?!
  670. >You run over to the Anon, lying on the floor, his eyes lifeless due to the wooden bolt impaled in his heart
  671. >Bluey trots over to you
  672. >"Relax, Anon. It's a changeling."
  673. >Sure enough, 'Anon's' body morphs back into that of the familiar black insectoid pony
  674. >Green blood begins to mix with the red
  675. >Bluey picks it up and starts to drag the body towards a back room
  676. >He sees you staring, slack jawed
  677. >He grins
  678. >"Wanna help?"
  679. S-sure?
  680. >You help him carry the body into the back room
  681. >Bluey directs you to a large white freezer in the corner
  682. >"Just dump it in there"
  683. >You pick up the body and go over to it
  684. >Bluey stands on his hind legs and opens the freezer
  685. >You look inside
  686. >A swirling black vortex greets you
  687. >The howling of thousands of souls hits your ears
  688. >Bluey shouts over it
  689. >"IT'S THE BACKDOOR TO THE OTHER DIMENSIONS. WE USE IT TO SEND DEAD BODIES BACK TO THEIR OWN WORLDS. SOMETIMES CHANGELINGS STUMBLE IN HERE WHEN THEY SAY THE WRONG THING AT THE WRONG TIME WHEN TRYING TO IMPERSONATE ANON. GO AHEAD AND CHUCK THE BODY IN"
  690. >You do so, and the body practically gets torn from your arms, spiralling further and further into the vortex until you can't see it anymore
  691. >Bluey slams the freezer shut, and silence fills the backroom, save for the banter coming from the bar in the next room
  692. How did you know it was a changeling?
  693. >"It's eyes were weird. And it spoke with a slight hiss."
  694. >He clears his throat
  695. >"Though we once got an Anon who was actually part snake, ended up killing him by accident. Nasty state of affairs, that one."
  696. >He offers you another bottle
  697. >"Here. On the house"
  698. >He grins
  699. Very funny, Bluey.
  700. >He laughs and walks back out the room, his flanks swaying slightly and giving you a good look at his package from behind
  701. >Suddenly he's much more attractive
  702. >You blame the booze
  703. >Stumbling out the back room, you return to your chair
  704. >You sit in silent contemplation of the day’s events
  705. >Fluttershy chased you into the Everfree Forest, where you accidently found an interdimensional watering hole full of different versions of you from other worlds, Twilight Sparkle is here for some reason, as is a strangely alluring bartender, who keeps a soul-vortex in a fridge in the back room.
  706. >Fucking Life.
  707. >You pick yourself up and stagger on over to the bar
  708. >Bluey smiles at you
  709. >"Enjoy your first day?"
  710. Y-yeah... It was drunk.
  711. >He chuckles
  712. >"Well ok. You're welcome back here any time, Anon. You know what to say and where to go."
  713. >You blink, one eye at a time
  714. W-will I see you again?
  715. >"Well yeah. Don't forget, I'm here forever. This bar is outside time and space. I don't age."
  716. Sweet.
  717. >"Goodbye, Anon. Come back soon!"
  718. >You take a final swig of your beer, emptying the bottle
  719. >Slam it on the bar and wipe your mouth
  720. Fuck this shit, I'm out.
  721.  
  722. >You hear another crack and a boom
  723. >Wind rushes past you and your nostrils are invaded with cool night air
  724. >You look around the forest clearing, exactly where you were before
  725. >Start walking in the direction you came from
  726. >You used to walk down a short road back on Earth
  727. >Here you have to traverse an entire forest to get back to your house
  728. >Fucking Equestria
  729. >Miraculously, you actually reach the other side of the forest. Ponyville stretches out before you
  730. >Stumble down the country roads and through the middle of town, too drunk to care about the catcalls thrown your way by the few ponies milling around town at night
  731. >You reach your front door, your legs sore and eyes barely staying open
  732. >You fumble with your keys and unlock the door
  733. >Half fall over the threshold and into your home
  734. >Slam the door behind you
  735. >Lock it
  736. >Drag yourself upstairs
  737. >Open your bedroom door
  738. >Fluttershy is led on your bed, sleeping
  739. >Lurch over to her and pick her up
  740. >She wakes up in your arms
  741. >"Wha... Oh- OH! ANON! YOU'RE SAFE!"
  742. >She hugs you while you carry her over to the window
  743. >Hold her away from your chest with outstretched arms
  744. >She beams at you
  745. >You blink at her
  746. Stop breaking into my house
  747. >Throw her out the window
  748. >She hits the ground and doesn't move
  749. >You're too drunk to care
  750. >Shut the window
  751. >Go back over to your bed
  752. >Fall face first onto the plushy mattress
  753. >Man, what a day
  754. >Gotta go sleep fast
  755. >Whatever your slumber is like, one thing is for certain
  756. >You're gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow
  757. >Fucking Bluey
  758.  
  759. The End

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