[FLUTTERRAPE] Guardsman


                                            Originally uploaded to Pastebin: February 12th, 2013

                                            ---


                                            >Day Protection in Equestria

                                            >You are Anon

                                            >Travelling Ape extraordinaire

                                            >So here you are in Canterlot, visiting for the week

                                            >Being a human and all, it comes with special privileges

                                            >Most importantly, ponies don't throw rocks at you because you're endangered

                                            >Fuck yeah, government protection

                                            >And also you get to say what you want to whoever you want because after you took an Equestrian IQ test, you were declared mentally retarded

                                            >Fuck yeah, diplomatic immunity

                                            >You're not really retarded

                                            >Back home you were a normal person

                                            >Here though, since the IQ test was all about magic, which you know fuck all about, you are a retard

                                            >Woo hoo

                                            >Still, it's good to swagger around with your free money and have ponies be nice to you because "you're special"

                                            >Though the ponies that actually know you treat you normally, usually after you abuse your "retardation" to get special favours

                                            >Applejack was pissed after she found out you had tricked her out of a week’s worth of apples

                                            >She gave them to you for free because she thought you were a retard

                                            >Shortly after she found you discussing Earth politics and social stigmas that plague human society with Twilight

                                            >Needless to say, you found out that you were a born track runner that day

                                            >At least the apples were tasty

                                            >The reason you're in Canterlot is simple though

                                            >Fluttershy

                                            >As always

                                            >Really though, you should have seen this coming

                                            >It IS a Flutterrape story.

                                            >Come on, reader. Get it the fuck together.

                                            >God damn.

                                            >You walk through the busy streets of Canterlot, smiling at the upper-class ponies, who turn their noses up at you

                                            >One such pony turns his nose up so fast and so hard he broke his own neck

                                            >You laugh to yourself as his wife screams and calls for help

                                            >Reach a plaza, opting to sit next to a fountain and rest your legs

                                            >You sit down on the bench and close your eyes, your head hanging forward for a second

                                            >You open them again and look around

                                            >Ponies going to and fro, nothing out of the ordinary here

                                            >Looking up, you see the jewel of Canterlot towering over the city - Canterlot Castle

                                            >You should probably pay Celestia a visit

                                            >She asked for a friendship report after you said thank you to a scientist after he gave you a lollipop for "being a good boy"

                                            >That was 2 months ago

                                            >You'll just say that Spike was broken and that it got lost in the mail

                                            >Standing up and stretching, you begin your trek towards the castle gates

                                            >Luna wasn't so bad

                                            >Celestia on the other hand

                                            >Well, for a Princess, she has a weird way of conducting herself when not in public

                                            >Not sexually, mind. Just... Odd.

                                            >Staying in the Castle for the first 2 weeks of your life here in Equestria revealed a lot about the royal sisters

                                            >Turns out they like to get drunk a lot

                                            >And tell you secrets that you don't want to hear while you're trying to read

                                            >Honestly, your life would be so much better if you didn't know that Luna spent her 1000 years on the moon perfecting the noble art of self-satisfaction

                                            >Fuckin' royal horse

                                            >As the gates near, you go over what you're going to say to Celestia

                                            >You're close to her, but it doesn't make talking any easier

                                            >For your first friend in this world, she sure was distant

                                            >Then again, you weren't exactly making an effort to keep this friendship afloat

                                            >Two months without a letter

                                            >You hope she isn't too sore about it

                                            >After you get past the guards at the gate, you walk through the castle on your way to the throne room

                                            >A short while later you push open the doors to the throne room

                                            >Luna is sat where her sister is, reading the paper and sipping coffee

                                            Luna?

                                            >She looks up

                                            >"Ah. Greetings, Anonymous. What brings you here?"

                                            Uhh. Not much, really. Just wanted to see if Celestia is about

                                            >Luna pouts

                                            >"Why don't you want to see if I'M about?"

                                            ...Are you about?

                                            >She picks up her paper again and goes back to reading

                                            >"No. I'm busy."

                                            >You stand there in silence for a while, awkwardly fiddling with your hands and looking around the room

                                            >Stone-faced guards look back

                                            Luna?

                                            >"Yes?"

                                            Could you please tell me where Celestia is?

                                            >"Kitchen"

                                            Thanks.

                                            >You walk out the room and down the steps towards the kitchen

                                            >Before you reach the doors leading into it, you hear raised voices

                                            >"PRINCESS FOR FUCKS SAKE, STOP EATING THE CAKE!"

                                            >"BUT I NEED IT!"

                                            >You run through the doors and see Celestia, being restrained by the entire kitchen staff. All 20 of them.

                                            >Celestia is straining and grunting to try and get towards a giant half-eaten cake

                                            >The head chef, a pony with one eye and a fake parrot sellotaped to his shoulder, is waving a spatula at her, shaking it violently at her whenever she lurches forward

                                            >"BACK! BACK YE GLUTTONOUS FIEND! THIS CAKE IS FER THE ZEBRA AMBASSADOR! GET YE FILTHY HOOVES OFF IT!"

                                            >He waves the spatula at Celestia again

                                            >Her face reacts to it the same way a negative magnet reacts to another

                                            >Pushed away by an invisible force while she says "NYEEEUUUGH"

                                            >Her horn shines golden

                                            >"SHE'S TRYIN TO USE MAGIC! STOP HER!"

                                            >6 kitchen hands latch onto her horn and start smearing jam all over it

                                            >The chef sighs in relief

                                            >"That were a close one"

                                            >He turns to you

                                            >Your jaw is slack and you're drooling at the spectacle

                                            >The chef, completely indifferent to your reaction, or the spectacle behind him, speaks up

                                            >"Jam, laddie. Acts as a natural magic nullifier. Now what can I do fer ye?"

                                            I... I wanted to...

                                            >You stop speaking to watch as Celestia thrashes around, sending 2 chefs flying into a pile of dirty pans

                                            >The recover, shake themselves off, and jump back on top of her

                                            >The head-chef moves into your view, an impatient look on his face

                                            >"Yes? What? Look, lad. I'm sure ye business is important, but I have very delicate matters to attend to here"

                                            >He turns around

                                            >"MORE JAM! MAKE THAT PRINCESS SLIMIER THAN MY EX-WIFES CUNT!"

                                            >He looks back at you

                                            >"So what is it?"

                                            I n-need to speak to Celestia.

                                            >"Oh good, she was becoming a handful"

                                            >He trots over to her

                                            >"A visitor, your majesty"

                                            >"NYYEEEUUUGH"

                                            >"It's the human"

                                            >A brilliant flash of gold, several screams, and a loud bang happen all at once

                                            >Celestia is stoof amongst the remains of the kitchen staff, who are dazed and groaning all around her

                                            >The head chef is unconscious with his spatula up his butt

                                            >Blink

                                            >Celestia smiles at you, levitates a slice of cake to her lips and walks past you

                                            >"Good afternoon, Anonymous! Come! Let us talk."

                                            >You stagger after the princess

                                            >She swaggers down a long hallway, humming a tune and nibbling the cake

                                            >You watch as she just magics away all the mess from her body. The jam. The icing. The sweat and blood of the chefs.

                                            But... I thought Jam-

                                            >"Doesn't work on Alicorns. The head chef is yet to learn that."

                                            I uhh. I don't think I've met him before. He's certainly... Different. Who is he?

                                            >"Hans Gruber. He's new."

                                            Hans G-

                                            >"So."

                                            >She stuffs the entire slice of cake in her mouth and swallows. Not even bothering to chew

                                            >Like an exotic bird.

                                            >"What brings you here?"

                                            I just wanted to visit. Seems like I came at a bad time...

                                            >"No! Not at all! I only have a few things to attend to today. And Luna's insomnia has given me a bit of free time"

                                            >She starts excitedly jumping on the spot

                                            >"Ooh! I haven't had time off in 450 years!"

                                            >She turns to you

                                            >"So. What do you want to do first?"

                                            I dunno. What does an immortal sun god do for fun?

                                            >Cue the montage.


                                            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ8Sz8CJY5g


                                            >You ride Celestia as she glides over Canterlot, both of you throwing money and dead birds at poor people

                                            >A bird hits an orphan in the face and he falls backwards into a mud puddle

                                            >You cannot contain your sides and Celestia struggles to keep steady in flight, resulting in both of you crash-landing in a hospital


                                            >Celestia snickers and you are red in the face from trying to hold in your anticipation

                                            >Luna slowly enters the room, looking around nervously

                                            >You and Celestia are invisible, courtesy of Sunbutt

                                            >Luna creeps over to her secret box under her bed

                                            >She looks over her shoulder one last time before opening it

                                            >She takes out her diary

                                            >At that moment, Celestia runs up behind her, ramming her entire horn inside Luna's vagina

                                            >She screams in pain and surprised pleasure as you steal the book

                                            >You both run out the room screaming with laughter as Luna chases you, shouting at full volume and sending deadly magic projectiles after you


                                            >Celestia and you sit on the ceiling, reading Luna's diary

                                            >Gravity was turned off

                                            >Chairs and tables float around

                                            >"Dear diary, my heart longs for Twilight Sparkle, she's everything I ever dreamed of in a mare, I only wish she would become the stars to my night sky!"

                                            >You wipe tears from your eyes and clutch your now sore stomach

                                            >Celestia loses control of the spell and you both go falling to the floor


                                            GOOOOAL!

                                            >Celestia cheers and marks down another point to you

                                            >She then takes her turn with the sun cannon

                                            Down there! Down there! That snooty looking one in the white top hat!

                                            >Celestia points the giant magnifying glass at him

                                            >Within seconds the pony goes up in flames and runs around screaming before jumping into the moat


                                            >You both charge into the kitchen, wearing tin-foil armour and waving rolling pins

                                            >Celestia is wielding 10 at a time with her magic

                                            >Hans Gruber screams

                                            >"OH GOD SHE'S BACK! AND SHE HAS AN UNDERLING!"

                                            WE HAVE COME FOR YOUR CAKE, INFIDEL!

                                            >"I KNEW YOU COULDN'T BE TRUSTED, MONKEY!"

                                            >You and Celestia laugh over the carnage and screaming as you chase the kitchen staff around the room with rolling pins


                                            >You roar with laughter on the grass as Celestia finishes drawing a huge dick on Discord's statue

                                            >You paint a bra and panties on him in pink paint

                                            >While you both laugh you swear you can hear a faint growling coming from the stone


                                            >"Shhh!"

                                            >You clamp a hand over your mouth

                                            >Luna enters the room, a spear levitating near her

                                            >"I KNOW YOU'RE BOTH IN HERE! COME OUT AND I WON'T HURT YOU!"

                                            >Celestia hisses "Now!" at you

                                            >You pull the rope and a suspended log held up slams into Luna's side

                                            >She screams as she is launched out of a stained glass window and down the mountain

                                            >"I HATE YOU BOOOOOOOooooooth..."

                                            >Your sides transcended


                                            Dear Twolot Spackel

                                            >Celestia snickers

                                            I hope your studies of hydroelectricity are going well, and I expect a full report tomorrow! Yours, Celestia

                                            >You both cry laughing while you watch in a crystal ball as Twilight screams for 15 whole minutes after receiving the letter

                                            >Spike looks disgruntled


                                            >You look through a telescope and watch as Celestia fires a concentrated beam of pure heat at a distant mountain near the southern barrens

                                            >She puts the finishing touches to her work

                                            >The mountain now bares a message

                                            >"Chrysalis is a faget"

                                            >You both listen carefully and hear a distant roar on the wind

                                            >Hi-fives/hooves are had


                                            >The giant vault door groans

                                            >Eventually Celestia's laser cuts through the magic barriers and tempered steel

                                            >A hoard of cakes and pies lie before you, seemingly going on forever

                                            >Celestia starts crying

                                            >You hold her and try to fight back the tears at the sheer beauty of the scene before you


                                            >A gentle breeze rolls across the grassy knoll

                                            >Celestia rests her head on your shoulder as you both watch the sun sink behind the horizon

                                            >"This was fun, Anonymous. Thanks"

                                            >You put an arm around her and squeeze

                                            No problem, Tia.


                                            >Day Friendship in Equestria

                                            >You wake up and rub your eyes

                                            Ohh goood, what did I do last night?

                                            >You look over and see the mountain of empty Moon Pie wrappers

                                            Awesome.

                                            >Celestia stirs next to you

                                            >"Ohh mother... What did I do last night?"

                                            >She looks over and sees the mountain of empty Sun Bun wrappers

                                            >"Awesome"

                                            Mornin' Tia.

                                            >She looks at you

                                            >"Nnfff"

                                            That wasn't a word, Tia

                                            >"I don't wanna get up"

                                            You have a planet to run. Don't be lazy

                                            >You slap her on the ass, causing her to yelp

                                            >"You don't get to slap royalty, Anonymous. You're not that friendly with us"

                                            Tell it to someone who cares, oh "Queen of Laughs"

                                            >She hurls a pillow at you at the sound of the nickname she gave herself during yesterday's sugar and happiness induced clusterfuck

                                            >You dodge it and stick out your tongue

                                            Mind if I use your bathroom?

                                            >"Sure. Go ahead"

                                            >You walk into the cavernous bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror

                                            >There's Moon Pie in your hair

                                            >You grumble and go to the shower

                                            >One hot blast of water and a hell of a lot of orange scented shampoo later, you emerge and dry yourself off

                                            >You reach for a toothbrush

                                            >Celestia calls from the other room

                                            >"Anonymous?"

                                            Yeah?

                                            >"I forgot to tell you, don't use the red toothbrush. I use it for uhh. Scientific Experiments with Rats."

                                            Masturbation, got it

                                            >"Go to tartarus, Ape."

                                            >You chuckle and use the blue toothbrush

                                            >All cleaned up, you walk back into Celestia's room

                                            >She's sipping coffee

                                            >"All better?"

                                            All better. I'm gonna head off now. This was great, though.

                                            >She smiles

                                            >"It was. It's good to see you again, Anonymous. You're the first being I've spent time off with in 450 years. Most of the time I just get drunk with Luna inside the castle walls during the last 2 hours of the day..."

                                            Well I'm glad you enjoyed it, Tia. I'll see you soon?

                                            >"Sounds good. Goodbye!"

                                            >You say a final goodbye and head out the door, walking through the winding halls and thinking about your time with Celestia

                                            >You see the doors leading out of the castle

                                            >But before you can reach them, you hear a shout

                                            >"STOP! THEIF! HE HAS THE ROYAL JEWELS!"

                                            >You snap your head around and look down a corridor where the shout originated

                                            >A pony dressed in black in galloping down the hall, a bag in his mouth

                                            >A few Royal Guards follow him

                                            >You look around

                                            >Then back at the mob heading towards you

                                            >You shrug

                                            >And extend your foot slightly

                                            >The thief trips over it and slams to the ground, the bag of jewels going everywhere

                                            >The guards all body slam him, eliciting a distressed groan

                                            >You stuff your hands in your pockets and watch with an amused look as the guards pummel the thief

                                            >Eventually he stops moving, and a guard drags him off, the others following him

                                            >All but one

                                            >The guard in the most ostentatious armour stays behind, removing his helmet and staring at you in awe

                                            >Raise an eyebrow

                                            >"Son, that was incredible, the way you took that thief down and foiled his efforts."

                                            >He clears his throat and extends a hoof towards you

                                            >You take it and shake it slightly

                                            >"I am Steel Rain. Captain of the Canterlot Royal Guard in absence of his majesty Prince Shining Armour."

                                            Cool.

                                            >"Very cool. Son, I think you've got what it takes to be a Royal Guard."

                                            >You stroke your stubble and muse to yourself

                                            Royal guard, eh?

                                            >"Yes."

                                            Is the pay good?

                                            >"Nope."

                                            Hours acceptable?

                                            >"Not even close."

                                            Do I get any special privileges?

                                            >"Don't make me laugh"

                                            Do I get a pension?

                                            >"The hell is a pension?"

                                            Can I learn how to wield a weapon?

                                            >"Any fighting methods we can teach you will be useless since you aren't even a pony"

                                            Is there any reason whatsoever why I should join the guard?

                                            >"You get to wear golden armour and carry around a spear"

                                            I'LL DO IT!

                                            >"WELCOME ABOARD, SON!"

                                            >You are Anonymous

                                            >Royal Guard


                                            >You are Anonymous

                                            >Bored as fuck

                                            >You were assigned to the Celestial Guard, given your lack of scary features required for the Nocturnal Guard

                                            >You tried, really.

                                            >You even waggled your fingers and went "OOoOOoOOOoOOO"

                                            >Half the ponies in the room suffered heart attacks, and the others pissed themselves

                                            >But much to your dismay, they simply couldn't sign you up for it because you don't have bat wings.

                                            >But they gave you a lollipop for effort

                                            >And also because you're still medically retarded

                                            >You stand outside the throne room doors

                                            >Alone

                                            >All the other guards are on break and you have no one to talk to

                                            >Not that you can talk to them

                                            >You're supposed to stay quiet and march up and down all day

                                            >Some job this is

                                            >They didn't even teach you how to use your pointy stick

                                            >That's just sad.

                                            >Though it seems easy enough

                                            >You watched 300 like, twice. So you just need to emulate that somehow.

                                            >You drift off and start fantasising about fending off armies off changelings by yourself in slowmo and deflecting spells with your rock hard abs

                                            >Shake your head at the sound of a commanding officer shouting at you

                                            >"ATTENTION!"

                                            YES!

                                            >"No, Anon, just stay quiet and salute"

                                            Oh yeah, sorry.

                                            >He shakes his head sadly

                                            >You salute and give him your best stone-face

                                            >"YOU HAVE A NEW PARTNER!"

                                            SIR! WHO, SIR!

                                            >He motions to the new guard stood next to him

                                            >Fluttershy.

                                            >In Royal Guard armour

                                            Oh fucking hell no.

                                            >Fluttershy smiles meekly at you

                                            What- WHAT? WHY.

                                            >You drop to your knees and look Fluttershy in the eye from her level

                                            WHHHYYYYYY

                                            >"Umm... Hello to you too?"

                                            >She tries to hide behind her mane but her helmet covers it, so she just ends up turning her head to the side and looking at you with one eye

                                            >Like a curious pigeon

                                            >The commanding officer screams some more, causing you and Flutterguard to jump

                                            >"STAND UP, SOLDIER."

                                            >You do so immediately

                                            >"FLUTTERSHY HERE IS YOUR NEW PARTNER. SHE WILL BE ASSIGNED TO YOU WITH EVERYTHING YOU DO"

                                            But why? What has she POSSIBLY got to offer the guard?

                                            >"She's saved Equestria twice, is an element of harmony, can wrestle bears, has an IQ of 160 and her father was a Cloudsdale Legionnaire"

                                            >Oh

                                            Oh.

                                            >"Indeed. NOW GET TO YOUR POSTS!"

                                            >You take your position again, eyes staring straight ahead

                                            >Maybe if you ignore her, she'll go aw-

                                            >She's rubbing your dick

                                            >Slap her away

                                            >She squeaks and scuttles back to her post

                                            >2 meters away

                                            >Glare at the hallway, determined to ignore her

                                            >Beefeater mode: Activate

                                            >You'll do the queen proud with how little fucks you give about everything around you

                                            >Fluttershy speaks up, breaking the silence

                                            >"S-so umm. Were you surprised?"

                                            >Don't answer her, Anon. Her sight is based on sound.

                                            >"I was surprised to see you..."

                                            >Nope.

                                            >"Umm... W-want to know why I'm here?"

                                            >You ain't sayin' shit.

                                            >"W-well when you went on your trip, you said that you'd be back soon... Y-you were gone 2 months... I got worried"

                                            >Oh yeah.

                                            >Probably should have mentioned that your extremely basic training took 2 months to complete

                                            >But... Why is Fluttershy here now? You didn't see her during the training

                                            >NO! Can't ask her. Will break silence

                                            >"So are guards your f-"

                                            Don't.

                                            >She shuts up

                                            Just don't.

                                            >She looks at the floor sadly

                                            >"I thought maybe you wanted some company..."

                                            I've made friends with the guards. I don't need you.

                                            >Oh great. Here come the tears

                                            >"D-d-don't n-need me?"

                                            >She starts openly weeping

                                            >Just then the throne room doors open and out walks Celestia, sipping some orange juice out of a carton that's being levitated in a golden aura

                                            >She looks at Fluttershy and then at you

                                            >You stare at Celestia

                                            >Fluttershy continues to sob

                                            >You and Celestia stare at Fluttershy

                                            >Celestia and Fluttershy stare at you

                                            >You and Fluttershy stare at Celestia

                                            >Celestia stares at both of you at the same time

                                            >What

                                            >"Anonymous, why is Fluttershy here? And why is she dressed as a Royal Guard? And why is she crying?"

                                            I have absolutely no idea, Princess.

                                            >"...Huh"

                                            >Celestia prods Fluttershy's head

                                            >This invokes a squeal and a noise like a dog's chew-toy squeaking

                                            >"Weird."

                                            >She sips her OJ again

                                            >"Well then! You two have fun!"

                                            >You watch Celestia go

                                            >Fluttershy wipes her eyes and smiles at you

                                            >"S-so is crying your fetish?"

                                            No.

                                            >"Oh... Are guard uniforms your fetish?"

                                            No.

                                            >"What about standing around for hours on end?"

                                            Nah.

                                            >"Okay..."

                                            >You stand in silence for a while longer


                                            >And by a while you mean hours

                                            >Fucking. Hours.


                                            >Fluttershy yawns

                                            >You do the same

                                            God damn this is boring

                                            >"W-why did you even want to do this?"

                                            I can't remember.

                                            >"It seems silly..."

                                            Yeah, I guess it is.

                                            >More silence

                                            >Steel Rain walks around a corner and looks at you two

                                            >He blinks

                                            >"Private Anonymous?"

                                            Sir?

                                            >"Why the hell is Fluttershy stood next to you?"

                                            Uh, she's a Royal Guard, sir. I think.

                                            >"I don't recall seeing her in basic training."

                                            Me neither, sir. She just showed up and some commanding officer said that she checks out.

                                            >"...Anonymous?"

                                            Sir?

                                            >"What did this commanding officer look like?"

                                            >You think back


                                            >You are Anonymous

                                            >Bored as fuck

                                            >You drift off and start fantasising about fending off armies off changelings by yourself in slowmo and deflecting spells with your rock hard abs

                                            >Shake your head at the sound of a commanding officer shouting at you

                                            >"ATTENTION!"

                                            YES!

                                            >"No, Anon, just stay quiet and salute"

                                            Oh yeah, sorry.

                                            >He shakes his head sadly

                                            >He is a white unicorn in typical golden guard armour, but absolutely covered in gems.

                                            >He also has a large black moustache on

                                            >Looks a bit lop-sided, though.

                                            >Hm.


                                            >Back to the present

                                            >Describe the pony to Steel Rain

                                            >"Anonymous, did it ever occur to you that it might have been the Element of Generosity, who is staying at the Castle for the week?"

                                            I... Didn't know, sir. Sorry.

                                            >"Anonymous, were you just fooled into letting Fluttershy impersonate a Royal Guard all day by a mare wearing a fake moustache?"

                                            ...I think I was, sir.

                                            >He stares at you

                                            >Glance over at Fluttershy

                                            >She's trying to sneak away

                                            >Steel Rain glares at her

                                            >"YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR IMPERSONATING A ROYAL GUARDSMAN!"

                                            >She screams and takes flight

                                            >"ANONYMOUS! TIME TO PUT THAT TRAINING TO USE!"

                                            YOU NEVER TRAINED ME SIR! I SPENT 2 MONTHS PLAYING WITH COLOURING BOOKS AND CRAYONS!

                                            >"SON OF A BITCH, ANON. JUST THROW THE FUCKING SPEAR AT HER!"

                                            >You grip the end of the long wooden sick and throw it at Fluttershy

                                            >Not in the fashion of a javelin. No, the same way you would throw a stick for a dog

                                            >The pole slams into Fluttershy and brings her crashing to the floor

                                            >You and Steel Rain do the traditional Royal Canterlot Body Slam

                                            >Both of you jump on Fluttershy and crush her

                                            >She orgasms underneath you

                                            >Steel Rain, led on top of you, shouts in your ear

                                            >"SHE'S DEPLOYING LUBRICANTS! RESTRAIN HER!"

                                            >You punch her in the back of the head

                                            >"That might have been a bit much, Private."

                                            Sorry, sir. Heat of the moment thing.

                                            >"I understand"

                                            >You both get off her and look down at the dazed mare in guard's armour, groaning and soaked in her own juices

                                            >"How can we ensure this never happens again, Anon?"

                                            I think I have an idea, sir.


                                            >12 minutes later you kick open the doors of the barracks, a still dazed Fluttershy slung over your shoulder

                                            >The soldiers are all astonished at your entrance

                                            Evenin', lads. You all like mares?

                                            >They all nod

                                            >One of them shakes his head

                                            You all like mares in uniform?

                                            >They all nod

                                            >One of them shakes his head again

                                            >Another slaps him, and he starts nodding with the others

                                            Well good news!

                                            >Throw Fluttershy into the middle of the room

                                            >She smells like sex

                                            Have fun!

                                            >You close the doors to the barracks as the soldiers cheer

                                            >Steel Rain congratulates you

                                            >"Excellently handled, Anon! I'm promoting you to staff seargant!"

                                            What does that mean?

                                            >"You get to scream at people and sit in a comfy office all day!"

                                            FUCK YEAH!

                                            >You run up the stairs to Celestia's room

                                            >Kicking open the doors again, you see her about to climb into bed

                                            >She screams as the doors fly open

                                            >"Anonymous! What are you doing?!"

                                            You.


                                            >And so you did.

                                            >And it was amazing.


                                            The End