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[ANON IN EQUESTRIA] The Season 3 Finale

By Nebulus
Created: 17th December 2020 06:33:21 PM

  1. Originally uploaded to Pastebin: February 22nd, 2013
  2. ---
  3.  
  4. I was told to "DO SOMETHING QUICK"
  5. So I did.
  6. This isn't Flutterrape. I don't even think it counts as a coherent story. Enjoy.
  7.  
  8. ---
  9.  
  10.  
  11. >Day Odd in Equestria
  12. >Wake up
  13. >Feel the magic in the air
  14. >Not a metaphorical term, you can literally feel the magic crackling in the air
  15. >In fact, your curtains just caught fire.
  16. >Oh god.
  17. >Rip them off and stamp on them
  18. >With your bare feet
  19. >Howl in pain as the scorched fabric burns the sole of your foot
  20. >Jump in the shower as fast as you can, taking the curtains with you
  21. >Turn on the water
  22. >Let the ice cold liquid sooth your foot
  23. >And also propel you into the early stages of Pneumonia
  24. >Fuckin A
  25. >Dry yourself off using the wet curtains and walk downstairs
  26. >Hey, you just woke up to fire and 3rd degree burns. You're allowed to do stupid shit
  27. >Walk past a window on the way to the fridge
  28. >Look outside
  29. >The skies are raining, snowing, striking nearby trees with lightning and are also looking fabulous with a lovely patchwork pattern in the clouds
  30. >Rainbow Dash has finally gotten on your level
  31. >What a gal
  32. >Smile and make yourself some cereal, munching down and gleefully watching ponies get sunburn and frostbite at the same time
  33. >Reminds you of when Discord showed up that one time
  34. >Funny guy
  35. >Later got turned to stone then rehabilitated a few months later
  36. >Now he's utterly pussy whipped by Celestia
  37. >Finish eating walk outside
  38. >Get immediately tackled by a pony
  39.  
  40. 1/?
  41.  
  42. >Stare up at the pony sat on you
  43. >She glares down
  44. >Its your good friend Lyra!
  45. Morning L-
  46. >She starts beating the shit out of your face
  47. >You scream and try to fight her off, opting to throw her in a dustbin and sitting on the lid
  48. >You pant heavily, using your weight to keep it held down while she kicks and screams inside
  49. >A massive dent appears in the side, indicating a point blank spell
  50. >Several more dents appear
  51. Lyra, what the fuck?
  52. >"I'LL KILL YOU AND SKULLFUCK THE CORPSE, HUMAN!"
  53. You don't even have a dick!
  54. >"I HAVE A HORN, FUCKTARD!"
  55. >Damn. She's one angry cartoon horse
  56. >Plant a large rock on the lid of the bin and stand back, looking around
  57. >Ponies everywhere are glaring at each other and snarling
  58. Woah.
  59. >You walk through Ponyville, the ponies snarling and snapping at you if you get too close
  60. >The hell is going on here?
  61. >Pass by Rarity on the bridge
  62. Hey, Rarity. What's up with everyone today?
  63. >"Oh, I just don't know, darling! Everyp0ny is so angry! I think it might be because of my clouds..."
  64. >You now realise that it's Rarity who is making the clouds fabulous
  65. >Pat her on the withers
  66. Keep at it, you'll get there.
  67. >"Thank you, darling."
  68. >You walk off the bridge and continue to look around
  69.  
  70. 2/?
  71.  
  72. >Next you come to Pinkie Pie
  73. >How, exactly, you're not sure.
  74. >But what you are sure of, is that she's doing Applejack's job.
  75. >Badly.
  76. >"Stupid... Trees!"
  77. >She kicks a nearby tree and breaks both her back legs
  78. >She screams in pain and you wince at the loud crack of bone
  79. >Then, because Punkeh Poi, she's right as rain
  80. >Fffffffuck you, logic.
  81. >She looks towards you and scowls
  82. Heeey... Pinkie?
  83. >"What do YOU want, Anon?"
  84. So uhh. Helping out Applejack today, are we?
  85. >"What? No. I just..."
  86. >She sighs
  87. >"Why can't I do anything right, Anon?"
  88. >Pat her
  89. There there, Pinkie. There there. Just leave, I'll clear up, you go back to entertaining Ponyville.
  90. >"Entertain Ponyville? Why would I do that?"
  91. Haha. You crazy horse.
  92. >Slap her on the ass
  93. >She squeals and runs down the path into Ponyville
  94. >You clean up the farmyard and head on after her
  95. >Ponyville is looking slightly better
  96. >The ponies are looking more chipper
  97. >Pinkie bounces by
  98. >"Anon! I don't know why, but I'm really good at this!"
  99. I know you are, Pinkie.
  100.  
  101. 3/?
  102.  
  103. >The ponies smile wider and follow Pinkie down the streets of Ponyville
  104. >You walk back over the bridge
  105. >Rarity is humming and smiling
  106. >Look up
  107. >The clouds are looking nice and fluffy and as natural as fluffy cartoon clouds can look
  108. See? I said you'd get it.
  109. >She beams at you
  110. >"Thank you for believing in me, Anonymous"
  111. >She leans up and kisses you on the cheek
  112. >Blush
  113. >Walk over the bridge and on the way to Rarity's shop, which seems to have Applejack outside covering it in wooden planks
  114. Hey, AJ. Your farm was being molested by Pinkie
  115. >"Mah farm? No, Anon. I run this here shop"
  116. That's stupid. You're stupid.
  117. >"Ah know... Ah just... Why can't ah make dresses?"
  118. Lack of creativity?
  119. >"Ah guess, yeah."
  120. Just do what I did when my therapist helped me. Channel your darkest thoughts and memories into your work. You'll be fine!
  121. >"Say... That's a mighty fine idea, Anon! Thanks!"
  122. >She laughs and tears off the wood covering the door, throwing it open and immediately getting to work on some new designs before the door even shuts behind her
  123. >You feel compelled to go to Fluttershy's house. Since everyone else is acting Applestupid.
  124. >Strutting down the road, a gaggle of laughing ponies runs past you
  125. >Smile and whistle while you walk
  126. >Fluttershy's cottage comes into view
  127. >You hear loud screaming coming from the cottage
  128. >That's Rainbow's scream. Not Fluttershy's.
  129. >But how would you even know that?
  130. >Bow chicka wow wow
  131.  
  132. 4/?
  133.  
  134. >Kick open the door like GI Joe
  135. >Hurts like a mother fucker when the door is made of solid wood and has 4 locks
  136. >But at least it's open
  137. >Rainbow Dash is in a pot, animals prancing around and waving kitchen stabbing devices
  138. Hey! You taught the animals the basics of tribal civilisation! Well done, Rainbow Dash!
  139. >She perks up
  140. >"Hey yeah! I guess I did!"
  141. >She smiles down at the animals, now smearing on war paint
  142. >"Come on you guys! Worship me as your new god!"
  143. >And so they do.
  144. >Rainbow is released and placed atop a throne of Chicken Feed. Wearing a crowd of cucumber slices held together with glue
  145. >Your work here done, you turn and walk out the door, listening to the sounds of a power-hungry pseudo-god as you walk away.
  146. >Walking back into Ponyville, you notice that everyone is now wearing Gothic clothing
  147. >Applejack waves to you from her now jet black shop, with red lace everywhere and fishnets covering the windows
  148. >"Anon! Ah embraced mah darker side!"
  149. Nice work, Marilyn Mareson!
  150. >She laughs and eats the head off a bat
  151. >Crazy horse.
  152. >You smile and look around
  153. >Who are you missing?
  154. >Fluttershy is about to get in a hot air balloon
  155. >She sees you there and waits, looking at you
  156. >You think for a moment
  157. >Animals are all ok
  158. >Weather is fine
  159. >Clothes are all good
  160. >Everyone is happy
  161. >Meh. We can lose her
  162. >Wave and watch her go as she flies off to some god-forsaken hellhole.
  163.  
  164. 5/?
  165.  
  166. >You look around the town and ponder
  167. >Applejack's farm won't be producing food. This could be a problem
  168. >Suddenly the mayor runs past you
  169. >"Hey there, Anon! Given the recent lack of food from local sources, we've opened trade routes with other cities that were previously un-needed! Now every town in the area is benefiting from trade agreements! We're all rich now! Thank you!"
  170. >Well that solves that problem
  171. >Trade
  172. >Fuck yeah
  173. >#ronpaul2016
  174. >You walk into Twilight's library, making this the last stop
  175. Sup.
  176. >Twilight looks up from a book
  177. >"Anon! Help! I've switched around everyp0ny's destiny!"
  178. Great job, asshole.
  179. >"Now isn't the time for sarcasm, Anon! We need to fix this!"
  180. I just did.
  181. >"...What?"
  182. I just did. Everyone is happy now. Applejack is a trend setter, the skies are downright beautiful thanks to Rarity, Pinkie is doing what she does best, Rainbow Dash is going to be responsible for an animal revolution and Fluttershy is gone! Everything is perfect!
  183. >Twilight gawps at you
  184. >"B-but... But.. The Princess..."
  185. >"Is right here."
  186. >You turn around and see Celestia smiling at you both
  187. Cool.
  188. >She looks down at Twilight
  189. >"My most faithful student..."
  190.  
  191. 6/?
  192.  
  193. >"You failed."
  194. >Uh oh.
  195. >Twilight has tears in her eyes
  196. >"B-but Anon-"
  197. >"Anon fixed all the problems before you could. Which is why he is clearly ready."
  198. >"W-what?
  199. >What.
  200. What.
  201. >There is a flash of light and a boom
  202.  
  203. >Next thing you know, you're in space
  204. >Trippy.
  205. >Look around
  206. >Stars n shit
  207. >...
  208. >Well, this was fun.
  209. >Now to get home.
  210. >Celestia appears out of nowhere
  211. >"Congratulations, Anonymous. You did today what nop0ny else has ever done"
  212. What, use their brains?
  213. >Ba dum tssssss
  214. >"Yes! Exactly!"
  215. >What.
  216. >"Nop0ny in history has ever used their brains. Which is why I'm making you a princess!"
  217. >You raise a hand
  218. No thanks, Tia.
  219. >You put on some shades
  220. Princesses are fucking gay.
  221. >You jump off the star platform as Celestia and everything around her explodes
  222.  
  223. >DIRECTED BY MICHEAL BAY
  224.  
  225. 7/7
/AIE/ Anon

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