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[FLUTTERRAPE] Hobonon

By Nebulus
Created: 2020-12-17 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-04-30 18:22:01
Expiry: Never
anonlyransfwcomedy/flutterrape/

  1. Originally uploaded to Pastebin: March 2nd, 2013
  2. ---
  3.  
  4. Update 30/04/2021 -- After a bit of thought, as well as seeing how other writers are doing things these days, I've decided that separate pastes for chapters is superfluous. All parts of the story have now been consolidated into a single paste.
  5.  
  6. Note: This story was abandoned and does not have an ending.
  7.  
  8. ---
  9. Part 1
  10. ---
  11.  
  12. >Day Benefits in Equestria
  13. >The sound of busy streets and early morning life rouses you from your sleep
  14. >Yawn, your dry lips cracking
  15. >Lip them and smack a few times
  16. >Stand up, cracking your joints and stretching
  17. >Look around you
  18. >Brick walls covered in posters and posters covered in grime look back
  19. >A weary smile crosses your face
  20. >A ball of mangy fluff on the floor stirs in its sleep before slowly waking up
  21. >It gets to it's feet and shakes, wagging its tail and looking up at you happily
  22. >Reach down and scratch it behind the ear
  23. Mornin' Dog.
  24. >You are Anon
  25. >Professional Hobo
  26. >Dog barks and licks your hand
  27. Got a long day ahead of us, okay? You stay close now.
  28. >Dog wags his tail some more and trots over to a nearby bin, resting his paws against it and looking at you expectantly
  29. >Chuckle
  30. Alright, alright. Let's see what we've got today
  31. >You remove the bin lid and peer inside
  32. >A half-eaten banana rests on the top
  33. >Pick it up, raising an eyebrow
  34. Now who goes and throws out a perfectly good half-eaten banana?
  35. >You eat the entire thing. Skin and all.
  36. >Go back to the bin, sticking your arm inside and searching for something
  37. >Dog whines
  38. Don't worry, gotta be- Nyugh- SOMETHING in here...
  39. >There are Griffins around here, and even a couple of Diamond Dogs. So there must be-
  40. Aha!
  41. >Your fingers grip something promising
  42. >Pull it out
  43. >A whole sausage
  44. >You and Dog stare open mouthed at it
  45. >Dog starts panting
  46. >So do you
  47. >Smile and crouch down, offering the sausage on an outstretched palm
  48. For you, my friend.
  49. >Dog wolfs the whole thing down and barks happily
  50. >Smile at him
  51. Come on, lets go kill the day.
  52. >You reach next to the bin and pick up an old looking banjo
  53. >It was handcrafted by yours truly
  54. >Ain't no banjo like a hobo banjo
  55. >The streets of Phillydelphia are a pleasant sight as you stroll down them, Dog eagerly prancing along at your heels
  56. >Ponies veer off in different directions when they go near you
  57. >Chuckle as they do
  58. >Pass an expensive looking shop
  59. >Look at the window
  60. >The store clerk's ears droop and his eyes shrink when he sees you looking
  61. >Wave cheerily at him
  62. >You don't care about the shop though, you're just checking yourself in the glass
  63. >You're dressed in an old worn brown jacket, a torn, soot covered green waist-coat and an ancient looking white shirt underneath it all
  64. >Your shoes are odd, a black boot sits on your left foot, and a fancy looking brown shoe on your right
  65. >But your favourite accessory is that which is sat on your head.
  66. >A battered, yet still surprisingly stylish gibus
  67. >You run a tongue over your teeth as you admire yourself in the glass
  68. >Dog sits patiently, licking his crotch.
  69. >The store clerk comes out a door to your right, looking flustered
  70. >"Excuse me, sir. But could you please move away? You're making customers inside feel uncomfortable"
  71. Ahh, phooey. I'm too good for this shop anyway. Come on, Dog.
  72. >Dog growls at the clerk and skulks after you
  73. >You might think that being homeless is terrible. But really, it's the best lifestyle one could ask for
  74. >Living out under the stars, eating whatever you want out of people's bins. Not a care in the world.
  75. >It's better than working.
  76. >You come to an inner-city park, and sit down on a bench, resting a leg over another and strumming your banjo
  77. >Dog lies on the bench next to you, snoozing in the morning sun
  78. >You smile at him
  79. >He's a good dog, is Dog. You found him scavenging outside a fancy cafe
  80. >He seems to understand everything you say. At first you were going to call him Seymour, but after you said "wait here while I go root through this trash" one time, you ended up sobbing and clutching him to your chest for about 30 minutes
  81. >So Dog it was. It's a simpler name. Rolls off the tongue, or something.
  82. >You play a simple tune, your gibus on the ground upside down
  83. >A few ponies walk by and drop bits in, causing you to nod and smile at them
  84. >They would then start walking much faster
  85. >You like it here in Equestria
  86. >Was creepy at first. You were in New York, just minding your own business in some lawyer's bin when there was a flash of light
  87. >At first you thought it was the fuzz. Not that you would have minded, of course. Police cells are comfy as hell. Like staying in a 5 star hotel for the night. You even get food!
  88. >No, instead, much to your chagrin, you ended up here in Phillydelphia.
  89. >You still remember the first thing you thought after seeing aliens walking around
  90. >"I wonder if they have beer"
  91. >And they did
  92. >That first night was one you'll never forget.
  93. >But the citizens just sort of ignored you. They were shocked to see you, but you just came to be known as some hyper-intelligent ape that had escaped from the zoo
  94. >The zoo people came for you
  95. >They didn't want you, though
  96. >Good riddance. You're too good for a zoo.
  97. >You close your eyes and think sweet hobo things while you strum your banjo
  98. >The banjo didn't come with you. Nay, you hand-crafted this beauty out of wood you 'borrowed' from a charity shop.
  99. >Took many days and nights to carve it with a knife, but it was worth it.
  100. >Now you can make music and make all the mares swoon
  101. >What, you think a hobo can't get a mare?
  102. >You've been with thousands of mares
  103. >You've been with hundreds of mares
  104. >You've been with lots?
  105. >A few.
  106. >...
  107. >You've been with about 3 mares.
  108. >They were all drunk at the time, and wanted to get freaky with "George of the Jungle"
  109. >You weren't complaining. Poon's poon.
  110. >You stop playing, your eyes still shut and brain still thinking.
  111. >Dog woofs in his sleep
  112. >You're concerned though
  113. >You stopped playing your banjo, but you can still hear music
  114. >That banana must have had something in it.
  115. >It can't have done. Bananas are healthy food. It's impossible for one to be bad for you.
  116. >Open your eyes and look around
  117. >A gentle melody drifts towards you on the wind
  118. >Nudge Dog and get up, banjo in hand
  119. >You both follow the sound of the melody in silence
  120. >It's beautiful. It's like a tale, high notes and low notes telling a story. The whole thing seems sombre but tells of hope.
  121. >You're not actually sure if that's what it's meant to sound like. Being a hobo means finding meaning in things that aren't there.
  122. >Like when you saw Jesus Christ in a block of mouldy cheddar
  123. >You called it Cheesus.
  124. >You come to a hillock and look over it
  125. >And there she is
  126. >Sat perched on her own park bench, much like you were, sits a minty green pony, playing a small harp thing.
  127. >You sniff
  128. >Pull up your pants
  129. >And stroll towards her
  130. >As you get closer, the pony looks worse for wear
  131. >She's got her fair share of scars, several deep wounds along her coat
  132. >She's wearing a flatcap, and has a stick with a bundle of items wrapped up in a cloth hanging from it resting next to her
  133. >She sees you coming, and her eyes widen
  134. >Sit down next to her, neither of you saying anything
  135. >Dog sits on the floor, watching her
  136. >"Good mornin."
  137. Mornin.
  138. >You motion to your banjo
  139. >She motions to her battered harp thing
  140. >And you start playing
  141. >You don't say a thing to her, nor her to you. You just sit on that bench and play your instruments long into the afternoon.
  142. >Ponies stop and watch the two of you play, your instruments complimenting each other beautifully
  143. >By the end, you blink a few times and look up
  144. >Your gibus, that was on the floor the whole time, is now half full of bits
  145. >You and the Mint Pony stare at it, then at each other
  146. >She smiles at you
  147. >"Lyra"
  148. Anon.
  149. >You and Lyra chat on the bench for the rest of the afternoon
  150. >Turns outs she's a travelling bard, and is getting ready to skip town
  151. >The idea intrigues you
  152. How are you going to get there?
  153. >"Oh, I usually just jump on a train."
  154. Could I... Join you?
  155. >Her eyes seem to sparkle
  156. >"You want to travel with me?! OF COURSE!"
  157. >She hugs you, you hug her back
  158. >Her coat is greasy
  159. >Lovely.
  160. >She lets go and you both grin at each other
  161. >Until a loud growl emits from you both
  162. >"Oh. Hehe, uhh. I guess I'm pretty hungry."
  163. Wanna get something to eat? I know a good restaurant bin near here.
  164. >She smiles
  165. >"I'd like that"
  166. >You, Dog and Lyra stroll through that city without a care in the world
  167. >Ponies be cringin'
  168. >Mares be coverin' their foal's eyes
  169. >Your stink be wiltin' flowers.
  170. >But nary a shite was given that day
  171. >You smile and let Lyra go first into the alley behind the restaurant
  172. >Just in time to see a back door open and a kitchen-hand throw some scraps out
  173. >Lyra "woahs"
  174. >You pat her on the back
  175. Now stand back, dearie. This might get nasty.
  176. >You pull out your rusty hobo knife and jump on the pile of scraps
  177. >On cue, a thousand rats, homeless ponies and griffons explode out of the nearby trash
  178. >You duck, dive, dodge and stab your way to glory, the screams of the dying echoing throughout the alleyway
  179. >Being the king of the city, and biologically superior to your adversaries, you stand victorious over them
  180. >Lyra clops her hooves
  181. >"Wooo! Go Anon!"
  182. >You take a bow
  183. Thank you, thank you.
  184. >Pull an angry rat off your sleeve and toss it to Dog
  185. >He settles down to enjoy his meal
  186. >You and Lyra take your pick of scrap veg and other food, Lyra taking care to pick out the bits with no blood or eviscerated organs on them.
  187. >You both eat hearty and rest your heads on a dead griffon, his feathers providing good comfort
  188. >Lyra snuggles up to you
  189. >So does Dog
  190. >Close your eyes and drift off to sleep, dreaming happy hobo dreams.
  191. >That is, until a blinding light forces your eyes open again
  192. >You blink and look up
  193. >A police pony is glaring down at you and shining a torch
  194. >He looks pissed
  195. >Look around
  196. >Dead rats, ponies and griffons are everywhere in the alley, following the bloodbath that you won.
  197. >More police ponies walk into the alley
  198. >"Well well well. Look what we have here. What is this, some kinda freak show?"
  199. That's not very nice, Lyra's a beautiful pony.
  200. >She stirs and wakes up
  201. >"Hmm? What is it, Anon?"
  202. >She looks at the fuzz and freezes
  203. >"OH TARTARUS, IT'S LIKE LAS PEGASUS ALL OVER AGAIN."
  204. >She somehow backflips from where she was sat over the griffon in an amazing show of dexterity and grace
  205. >"ANON! CHEESE IT!"
  206. >You pick up a rat and throw it at the police pony
  207. >Picking Dog up under your arm you run your mangy ass out of there, the sounds of police giving pursuit filling your ears
  208. >"STOP RIGHT THERE!"
  209. >Hell naw.
  210. >Sprint down the streets, the street lights showing you the way in the darkness
  211. >You jump over ponies and bulldoze your way through a gaggle of orphans, their cries of woe giving you strength
  212. >Dog barks from under your arm
  213. >You boop his nose to shut him up and continue running after Lyra, who you can just see in the distance
  214. >Lyra heads down a path towards the train station
  215. >You give chase, the police hot on your heels
  216. >Lyra gallops towards an empty cart and jumps in just as the train begins moving
  217. >The machine gives off a whistle, indicating it's departure
  218. >You pick up the pace, your heart burning and your dog barking madly
  219. >The train begins moving, rapidly picking up the pace
  220. >The police have nearly caught up
  221. >"DON'T DO IT MONKEY, JUST COME WITH US PEACEFULLY!"
  222. >Lyra extends a hoof
  223. >"COME ON, ANON! JUMP!"
  224. >You underarm throw Dog into the carriage and sprint as fast as you can, hurling yourself after him just as the train reaches it's top speed
  225. >You hear the police ponies swearing and cursing you as jeer at them
  226. >Watch as Phillydelphia pulls away, the buildings becoming specs as the various sights rush past you
  227. >Lyra is on her back, panting heavily
  228. >You scratch her belly
  229. >It's soft, like a pillow
  230. >She coos as you scratch it
  231. >Dog lumbers over and rests his head next to Lyra
  232. >You end up scratching both of them, each 4-legged friend kicking a rear leg and drooling slightly
  233. >Feels good to be an advanced lifeform
  234. >You watch as trees and rivers rush past you
  235. >You've never been out of Phillydelphia, or even New York back home. So this scenery is something completely new to you
  236. >And then it hits you
  237. Hey Lyra?
  238. >"Yeah?"
  239. Where's this train headed, anyway?
  240. >"Ponyville"
  241. >Ponyville
  242. >Sounds nice.
  243. >You use Lyra's belly as a pillow and pull Dog closer to you, falling asleep as quickly as you did in the alley
  244.  
  245. >A loud whistle and a conductor calling awakens you
  246. >You stir and prod Lyra's face to wake her up
  247. >Dog just licks her
  248. >She snorts and sits up, yawning
  249. >"Mornin', Anon."
  250. Mornin'. I think we're here
  251. >Lyra pokes her head out of the car, looking towards the station
  252. >The train is long, so you're not actually pulled in yet
  253. >You look with her, and see several security guards
  254. >They probably wouldn't take too kindly to seeing two vagabonds jumping trains, so you jump all jump out and run off the tracks without them noticing.
  255. >You walk through the trees towards the town, birds tweeting overhead
  256. >Lyra hums to herself and walks ahead, Dog happily trotting alongside her
  257. >You look around at the countryside, breathing in the fresh air
  258. >You feel somewhat uneasy. There are no large buildings to duck down. And you can hardly see any alleyways.
  259. >Lyra looks back
  260. >"What's wrong, Anon?"
  261. It's just this town. It gives me the heeby jeebies. Like something depraved and sexually awkward is going to happen.
  262. >"Don't be ridiculous. What are the odds of that happening?"
  263. Never overlook hobo-sense, Lyra. It will save your life and your dignity some day
  264. >She chuckles and turns her head forward again
  265. So have you been here before?
  266. >"Many times. Even made a friend or two. I come back every now and again to catch up and to mooch off the locals"
  267. I like your style
  268. >She looks back and winks
  269. >Eyes, reader.
  270. >Eyes.
  271. >You follow Lyra to a park and both of you sit down on a bench
  272. >Dog jumps up between you and rests his head on your lap
  273. >Absentmindedly scratch his head and look around at everything
  274. >Quite a peaceful town, really. Could use some industry. And larger buildings. All this fresh air isn't good for your lungs.
  275. >Your air needs to be at least 45% polluted.
  276. >Sigh
  277. >Sometimes, you miss New York.
  278. >But a hobo can't get sad. For a hobo has no home to hold him down
  279. >Instead you turn to Lyra who is tweaking her harp thing
  280. What is that, anyway?
  281. >"It's a lyre"
  282. Cute.
  283. >"Very"
  284. >Well that solves that mystery
  285. So where should we eat?
  286. >She looks around
  287. >"Still got those bits?
  288. >You take off your hat, still half full with bits
  289. >Lyra stares at you
  290. >"How have the bits stayed in there all this time?"
  291. A hobo never reveals his secrets
  292. >You say as you flick your wrist and produce your rusty knife
  293. >Lyra thinks while you pick your teeth with the knife
  294. >"I think I know a good place nearby. You good with eating sugar?"
  295. Damn straight.
  296. >You put your hat back on, the bits staying comfortably on your head
  297. >You both walk over a small bridge and into Ponyville
  298. >Ponies keep their distance as you stroll along next to Lyra
  299. Why're they staring?
  300. >"Dunno. Probably something to do with your fashion sense"
  301. >She freezes the turns to you
  302. >"For Celestia's sake don't let Rarity see you."
  303. Who is-
  304. >"What in Equestria is THAT?"
  305. >Turn around
  306. >A purple unicorn is gawping at you
  307. >Lyra sighs
  308. >"And here I thought I could have a nice meal without this..."
  309. Is that Rarity?
  310. >"No. Worse."
  311. >The unicorn teleports, 5ft, to get to you
  312. >She stares up
  313. >"Oh my goodness! I've never seen anything like you in my books! What are you?"
  314. A hobo.
  315. >"Hoe-Boe... Interesting."
  316. >Lyra is rubbing her temple
  317. >"Lets go, Anon. She won't shut up unless you disappear from her field of vision"
  318. >She drags your arm away from the babbling unicorn and behind a large shop
  319. >She then swipes a Swiss roll from a bin and chews on it
  320. >You help yourself to one and talk over your food
  321. So what was up with that? Ain't never seen a pony take that kind of interest in me before
  322. >"Yeah, I should probably have mentioned."
  323. >She swallows her sweet
  324. >"You're not a very common species around here. Where did you say you were from?"
  325. New York
  326. >"Where's that?"
  327. America.
  328. >"Where's that?"
  329. Earth.
  330. >"Where's that?"
  331. Space, I think.
  332. >"...Huh."
  333. >She regards you with a curious stare
  334. >"Anon, are you an alien?"
  335. Technically
  336. >She scrunches her face up
  337. >"Meh, I've seen worse."
  338. >You feel Dog some of the less sugary stuff in the bin before heading off with Lyra
  339. >She takes you down an alley
  340. >"This looks pretty good!"
  341. Agreed. So, should we play some more music?
  342. >"Stellar idea! After that we can-"
  343. >She stops talking
  344. What?
  345. >You look behind you, where she's now pointing
  346. >A yellow pegasus is staring at the two of you
  347. >Lyra looks back at you and clears her throat
  348. >"Eeeeuuugh uuugh uuh uuuuuuugh" (Switch to Hobo until she leaves)
  349. Uugh. UUUUGhh eeeuuuuugh ughughugh (Okay)
  350. >You both grunt and whistle at each other while the yellow Pegasus just hovers there, looking at you
  351. >"UUUUGH" (She's still there, should we plan an escape route or split up then meet back here?)
  352. Ugg. (Capital idea. Meet you back here in a few minutes. Bring food)
  353. >With that, you both go your separate ways
  354. >Lyra shuffles past the pegasus, grunting as she does it
  355. >The pony flinches, but continues to stare at you
  356. >You sneer at her and walk away, doing your best to look hobo-like
  357. >It's not difficult.
  358. >A flapping of wings indicates that she's following you
  359. >Curses.
  360. >You turn around and tell her to piss off in Hobo Speak
  361. UUUUAUAAEEEGH UUUGH
  362. >She screams and loses control of her wings, falling flat on her back
  363. >Sprint like hell towards anywhere before she can get you again
  364. >End up hiding out in a bin for the next few hours, peering out at the world around you
  365. >You have no idea where Dog or Lyra are
  366. >They'll be fine though
  367. >Decide that it's time to go
  368. >Stand up, the bin lid still on your head
  369. >Look around
  370. >No yellow pony
  371. >Good to go
  372. >You head back to the alleyway, your hobo sense of direction leading the way
  373. >You see it in sight, and pick up the pace, nearby ponies giving you confused glances, and muttering amongst themselves
  374. >Before you reach the alley, however, you fall over.
  375. >That's... Not normal.
  376. >You try to move
  377. >Nothing.
  378. >Look around
  379. >Your arms and legs and suspended by a purple aura
  380. >Swivelling around in the air, you see 6 ponies stood in a semi-circle around you
  381. >The purple one steps forward
  382. >"You can come peacefully, or we'll hurt you"
  383. UUUUUGH (Please don't)
  384. >The orange one with the uncool hat recoils in horror
  385. >"He's rabid! We gotta put 'im down!"
  386. >Clear your throat
  387. So sorry, my dear. I often forget to speak properly after speaking hobo.
  388. >5 of the 6 ponies gain shocked expressions
  389. >The purple one doesn't, she just narrows her eyes and peers closely at you
  390. >She sniffs
  391. >And gags
  392. >You chuckle
  393. Impressed?
  394. >"H-hardly... Now, what are you doing in Ponyville, Mr Huhboh?"
  395. >Huhboh.
  396. >That's gold.
  397. I'm just travelling, my dear. Please put me down and let me continue on my travels.
  398. >The purple one laughs
  399. >"I can't do that! You're a new species! I have to document you!"
  400. And what if I say no?
  401. >"You don't have a choice"
  402. >Raise an eyebrow
  403. >Purple Pone scrunches her face up
  404. >Just then the yellow one steps forward
  405. >"T-twilight? I think we should respect his decision! He's a living creature, and we should all listen to one another!"
  406. >Twilight groans
  407. >"Fine..."
  408. >She drops you, then points a hoof at you
  409. >"But no monkey business! I'm watching you..."
  410. >You stand up and take a mock bow
  411. Of course, milady.
  412. >Twilight huffs and walks off, the other ponies skulking away
  413. >The yellow one blushes then flies off, leaving you alone
  414. >Well. Almost alone.
  415. >A single pony remains, her face one of utter contempt and horror
  416. >She's white, with a purple mane
  417. >Sniff
  418. >May as well be civil
  419. >Wipe your nose on your sleeve and extend a hand
  420. Good morning, Miss. Pleasure to make your acquaintance
  421. >She shudders
  422. >"You... You're filthy."
  423. >Look down
  424. >You've got a healthy amount of dirt all over you
  425. An accurate observation.
  426. >The pony shudders again
  427. Miss, are you alri- WOAH
  428. >She hoists you into the air with magic and gallops off, carrying you with her
  429. Lady, I don't mean to be rude, but are you insane?
  430. >"I NEED TO CLEAN YOU!"
  431. >She kicks open the door to a clothes shop, scaring a foal who is colouring on the floor
  432. >"Hiya Rarity!"
  433. >"SHUT UP SWEETIE BELLE I SWEAR TO CELESTIA"
  434. >Sweetie Belle whimpers and goes back to colouring
  435. >Rarity carries you upstairs and throws you in a room before running in after you and slamming the door
  436. >You lie on the soft carpet, looking around the room
  437. >It's absolutely immaculate. Not a speck of dust anywhere
  438. >This is creepy
  439. >Rarity is breathing heavily, her eyes looking at you hungrily
  440. Uhh, I appreciate this, I think. But I really need to get going-
  441. >"NO!"
  442. >Woahshit.
  443. >Rarity licks her lips and stalks towards you
  444. >You scoot back a bit. This is uncomfortable even by your standards.
  445. >"You're a dirty dirty ape... And I need to clean you..."
  446. >Well this took a turn for the weird
  447. >Rarity's malevolent grin grows
  448. Rarity, I must warn you, I will hurt you. Just stop... Whatever it is you're about to do.
  449. >"No, darling. I need. To. CLEAN YOU!"
  450. >With that she picks you up with magic and throws you into the en suite
  451. >You crash into the side of the bath and groan
  452. >Goddamn magic
  453. >Rarity enters the bathroom after you and turns on the water with yet more magic
  454. >Hot steamy water begins gushing into the bath
  455. >Your eyes widen
  456. NO!
  457. >"YES!"
  458. >She pins you down with her blue auras and giggles madly as she pours a multitude of smell colourful liquids into the bath
  459. >By now it smells like a bed of roses
  460. >You hate roses.
  461. >You struggle and roar at her
  462. >She simply giggles
  463. >"And now! The main event!"
  464. >She giggles even more, and you notice that she's dripping between her legs
  465. >She shudders again
  466. >Oh god. That's what she was doing before.
  467. >Gross.
  468. >She picks you up and starts slowly lowering you into the bath
  469. >You wave your arms around and grip the sides of the bathtub, refusing to let any part of you touch the no doubt toxic water
  470. >"DON'T... BE... DIFFICULT!"
  471. >She amplifies the magic, and your limbs start feeling like they're about to snap under the strain
  472. W-what do you expect me to do? Be civilised?!
  473. >"No, Mr Monkey, I expect you to get clean"
  474. >She presses you down even harder
  475. >Your left arm gives way and your forearm goes into the bubbles
  476. >The hot water scalds your arm and the various chemicals burn your skin
  477. >You scream in pain as Rarity pulls it back out with magic
  478. >Your arm is sparkling clean, and smells like a fresh summer breeze
  479. OH CHEESUS, HELP ME!
  480. >Cheesus was listening.
  481. >For your prayers are answered
  482. >The en suite door slams open and a furry ball of rabid fury tackles Rarity
  483. >The magic holding you fades, and you yell as you feel yourself falling
  484. >Only to be caught again in a golden aura
  485. >You look towards your saviour
  486. >Lyra stands in the doorway, the sunlight from the bedroom window giving her an almost divine look
  487. >She floats you over to her and puts you down
  488. >You watch as Dog violates Rarity next to the toilet
  489. >He barks and pants as she screams
  490. >Dog always was stronger than he looked
  491. How did you both find me anyway?
  492. >"Hobo sense"
  493. >Ah. Of course.
  494. >You and Lyra wait for him to finish, leaving Rarity sobbing on the floor and covered in dog semen
  495. Good Dog.
  496. >"Bark."
  497. >You nod at him and you all walk out the bathroom
  498. >You walk down the stairs and past Sweetie Belle
  499. >She jumps up and beams
  500. >"Hi! I'm Sweetie Belle! P-please don't tell my sister I said anything..."
  501. >She looks glumly at the floor
  502. >You look at Lyra
  503. >She looks at you
  504.  
  505. >5 minutes later, you, Lyra, Dog and Sweetie Belle are sat down the alley. Eating beans out of a can
  506. >Sweetie Belle can barely contain her excitement
  507. >"This is so much fun! I never get to eat beans at Rarity's!"
  508. >Dog licks her and she giggles
  509. >Lyra plays her harmonica
  510. >Wait
  511. Where the hell did you get that?
  512. >"I won it in a drunken brawl after we split. Some red stallion thought he was hot shit"
  513. So what did you do?
  514. >"I cut him and stole his harmonica."
  515. Nice.
  516. >She continues to play, you tap your foot and smile
  517. >Your arm still burns from the chemicals, but in a way, it looks good on you
  518. >A single clean part of your body will be a tale to tell to other travellers in the days ahead
  519. >And so it came to pass that Anonymous, Lyra, Dog and Sweetie Belle became the 4-Vagabonds. A travelling band of misfits who would travel from town to town, playing music and stealing music instruments from innocent ponies.
  520. >Sweetie Belle was eventually taught Hobo-speak, and took to the Hobo life like a duck to water
  521. >Lyra managed to steal an entire drum kit, after getting into a fist fight with the heavy metal band "Deathklop", while they were still playing at a concert. She killed 3 of them on stage and stole the drumkit in a daring escape that shocked the tabloids and earned her the name "The Freshmaker"
  522. >Dog knocked up a local farmer's bitch, called Winona. She now looks after 5 puppies, patiently waiting for the day her Dog in Furry Armour comes back to sweep her off her paws
  523. >Anon found a new pair of shoes lying on the side of the road.
  524.  
  525. >They made a damn good meal.
  526.  
  527. ---
  528. Part 2
  529. ---
  530.  
  531. >"LEFTLEFTLEFTLEFTLEFT"
  532. >You all duck left through the maze of alleyways, the sounds of barking dogs and police ponies following your every turn
  533. >"THERE'S THE TRAIN! GO GO GO!"
  534. >You look down at Sweetie Belle, who looks exhausted from all the running
  535. >She starts to slow down
  536. >Pick her up under one arm and steady your hat with a hand as you bolt towards the train station
  537. >Now on open ground, you hear the police dogs growling and snapping, getting ever closer
  538. LYRA I DON'T THINK WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT THIS TIME
  539. >Lyra shouts over her shoulder
  540. >"OF COURSE WE WILL! IT'S JUST A BIT FARTHER!"
  541. >The train in the distance lets out a whistle and starts to pull away from the station
  542. FUCKING HELL WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO CHASE IT?
  543. >You practically fly onto the station, your chest burning and legs propelling you forwards as fast as humanly possible
  544. >The last train carriage leaves the station
  545. >You all jump on the tracks after it and run like your lives depended on it
  546. >Reach out a hand as the carriage gets closer to you
  547. >Almost...
  548. >ALMOST!
  549. >Trip up on a railway sleeper
  550. >Tumble head over heels forwards, Sweetie Belle torn from your grasp
  551. >Lyra screams and looks around, panicked
  552. >She looks back at the station
  553. >The cops have followed you onto the tracks and are closing in
  554. >There's nowhere to go, your only way out just left you behind
  555. >Lyra turns to you, anger in her eyes
  556. >"ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS FOLLOW THE DAMN TRAIN, ANON!"
  557. >A police pony tackles her and you pass out from exhaustion
  558. >A loud bang awakens you
  559. >Groggily come to and sit up slowly
  560. >Look around the cell
  561. >Lyra is sat against the wall opposite to you, whistling a sad tune
  562. >Dog is snoozing at your feet on the bed
  563. >Sweetie Belle is playing with two pebbles she found lying around
  564. >She looks up at you, eyes full of innocence
  565. >"Hiya, Anon! Looks like the cops got us, huh?"
  566. Eeyup. Are you ok?
  567. >"I'm fine! The nice police stallion tried to take me to his candy room but I said I wasn't hungry, so he threw me in here with you!"
  568. >Rub your eyes and look towards Lyra
  569. >She glares at you
  570. What?
  571. >"For something that was made to hunt things on flatlands, you're slow as hell."
  572. Maybe it was my plan to get caught!
  573. >"Was it?"
  574. ...No. But that's not important right now. How do we get out of here?
  575. >"We don't. There's a guard outside, and I don't think they're going to let the three most notorious homeless folk in Equestria back on the streets."
  576. Three? What about Dog?
  577. >"He's a dog, Anon."
  578. >Dog wakes up and woofs at her before going back to sleep
  579. >Someone bangs on the cell door
  580. >"Hey! Are you guys plotting in there?"
  581. >You all say "No" in unison
  582. >Except Dog
  583. >He's a dog.
  584. >Dogs can't speak, reader.
  585. >"Okay then. Good."
  586. >He goes back to singing pop music. Badly.
  587. >Sigh
  588. Right, guys. Gather round. We need to plot.
  589. >Lyra groans
  590. >"It's hopeless, Anon! They aren't gonna be dealt with that easily! The police force of Las Pegasus is famous for its high security prisons! Once we get transported there, there's no way out."
  591. >Rest your chin on a hand and muse to yourself
  592. Soo... We're to just sit here and wait for transportation?
  593. >"I guess... Yeah."
  594. >Lyra sits back and pulls knees up to her chest
  595. >You weren't even aware that ponies could bend that way
  596. >Whatever
  597. >You scratch Dog's head and think of more ways to break out
  598. >A slight jingle can be heard
  599. >Look around
  600. >The jingle stopped
  601. >Look back at the wall
  602. >The jingle starts again
  603. >Annoyed, you scan the room again
  604. >See Sweetie Belle with her back to you
  605. Sweetie? Is that you?
  606. >She turns around, a massive ring of keys in her hooves
  607. >"Yeah?"
  608. >Gawp at her
  609. Where the fuck did you get those?
  610. >"Oh! Well that nice stallion, the one with the candy room, he offered me keys! I said no anyway but I think he forgot to take them back."
  611. >She giggles
  612. >"Jokes on him! These things are so fun to play with!"
  613. >She puts them in her mouth, covering them with filly-slobber
  614. >You slowly turn to face Lyra
  615. >She's shaking her head in disbelief
  616. >She clears her throat
  617. >"So uhh, Anyone else know their way around a police station?”
  618. >Sirens blare and shouting fills the building
  619. >"RIGHTRIGHTRIGHTRIGHTRIGHT"
  620. >You, carrying Sweetie Belle on your shoulders, who is having an extreme amount of fun at the commotion, shoulder charge your way through a door, Dog and Lyra following suit
  621. WHERE NOW?
  622. >"FUCK, I DON'T KNOW! THE WINDOW!"
  623. ARE YOU INSANE?
  624. >"YES!"
  625. >Lyra throws herself out of the glass window, adding several more cuts and slashes to her battle-scarred coat
  626. >You throw Dog out after her, hold Sweetie close to your chest, and jump through
  627. >You fall two stories and land in a dumpster
  628. >The trash comforts your fall
  629. >Glance left
  630. >A pickle is poking out of a bin liner
  631. Ooo!
  632. >Stuff it in your mouth and climb out of the dumpster
  633. >Sweetie Belle trills in your ear
  634. >"That was so much fun! Let’s do it again!"
  635. HELL NAW.
  636. >Lyra frantically looks left and right
  637. >"Uu-h I-I Don't... Shit!"
  638. THAT WAY!
  639. >You point down a random street, and your party runs full speed in that direction
  640. >Ponies duck out of your way and scrunch up their faces at the sight of you
  641. >You don't really care
  642. >The party stops running for a second, you pant heavily and Lyra collapses to the floor
  643. >Dog just pants, his tongue hanging out of one side of his mouth
  644. >Sweetie Belle giggles, her voice cracking every few seconds
  645. >Lyra gasps and speaks up
  646. >"What... What now?"
  647. N-not sure. Are there any trains running at this time?
  648. >"No, not this time of day... I think we're trapped here, and it's only a matter of time until the cops start combing the place for us"
  649. >Straighten up and smile
  650. >Lyra gives you a queer look
  651. >"You ok, Anon?"
  652. >You chuckle and place your hands on your hips
  653. Oh yes, Lyra. I am. Because I've found our way out of here.
  654. >She raises an eyebrow and follows your gaze
  655. >"You can't be serious."
  656. I am.
  657. >Grin malevolently at the massive air-boat docking at a nearby station
  658. We're going to steal the Wingenburg.
  659. >Somehow you manage to evade detection until night fall
  660. >Pegasi soar over head, shining torches down alleyways and empty streets
  661. >You press yourself against a wall while a beam of light passes in front of you
  662. >Shoot a glance at Lyra
  663. >She's doing the same, a determined look on her face
  664. >Sweetie Belle is behind her, sniffing her hoof and recoiling from the smell
  665. >Dog is chasing his tail, oblivious to the danger
  666. >You motion for them to follow, and sprint across the street towards the air-boat docking station
  667. >Las Pegasus takes crime very seriously. For a city built on the gambling trade and prostitution, the crime rate is actually the lowest in Equestria.
  668. >As a result, a few homeless escapees put the city under martial law.
  669. >You didn't really understand why
  670. >But at least no hapless citizens will get in your way
  671. >Another flashlight bearing pegasi squadron passes over head
  672. >They miss you
  673. >The docking station is in front of you now, and your goal is ever nearer
  674. >A shitload of cops are stood outside it though
  675. Really?
  676. >Lyra appears at your side
  677. >"What's up?"
  678. All these ponies. How are we going to get in?
  679. >Lyra strokes her chin with a hoof
  680. >"Hmmmm... Maybe if we..."
  681.  
  682. FUCKING RUUUUN!
  683. >A police baton is thrown after you, but it narrowly misses, flies past your head, hits the button controls at the end and opens the entrance to the air-boat
  684. >You hear the sergeant screaming at the pony that threw the baton
  685. >The wind threatens to blow you off the top of the station
  686. >These things are built incredibly high, almost 50 stories upwards.
  687. >The Wingenburg innocently floats, held ashore with a single length of rope
  688. >You jump onto the deck, Sweetie Belle, Dog and Lyra landing after you
  689. >You draw your hobo knife and start hacking away at the mooring rope
  690. >Lyra kicks open the doors to the control room and starts hitting every button and pulling every lever
  691. >Dog growls at the police ponies, who are running across the landing pad towards the air-boat
  692. >"GET OFF THE BOAT, MONKEY. WE WON'T HURT YOU IF YOU CO-OPERATE"
  693. >You hear Lyra cheer as the whole boat lurches
  694. >You smile at the sergeant and cut through the last thread of rope
  695. >The boat pulls away from the edge of the docking station
  696. SO LONG, FUCKERS!
  697. >The sergeant spreads his wings
  698. Ah. Shit.
  699. >The boat picks up speed, riding the heavy winds
  700. >Las Pegasus rushes past below and above you, several floating cloud buildings getting destroyed by the air-boat
  701. >Clouds are a horrible building material
  702. >The sound of cloud buildings being bashed around (because somehow, clouds make loud 'crashing' noises when struck) alerts the roaming pegasi squads
  703. LYRA?
  704. >"I GOT THE AIR-BOAT WORKING! WOO HOO!"
  705. YEAH, THAT'S REALLY COOL AND ALL. BUT WE HAVE LIKE, A THOUSAND PISSED POLICE PEGASUS PONIES INCOMING!
  706. >She sticks her head out the cabin window
  707. >Her grin is practically slapped off at the sight of the swarm of pegasi dressed in navy blue uniforms flying after the boat
  708. >She ducks back into the cabin and begins slamming every button she can see
  709. >You run into the control room and join her
  710. >You hear Sweetie Belle on the deck
  711. >"Hiya, Mister!"
  712. >SHIT.
  713. >Run back out and see a cop trying to take away Sweetie Belle
  714. >Dog jumps on him and mauls his wings, blood and feathers getting everywhere while the cop screams in pain, only making Dog's attack more violent
  715. >Another pony lands on the deck and lunges at you
  716. >Kick him in the face and throw him back off the boat
  717. LYRA FOR FUCKS SAKE, DO SOMETHING!
  718. >Lyra roars in frustration
  719. >She then sees a large red button next to the steering wheel
  720. >'Nitro'
  721. >"Well now that's just ridiculous"
  722. >She presses it
  723. >You almost get launched off the boat from the force of the acceleration
  724. >You draw your knife again and stab it into the wooden deck
  725. >It acts as an anchor as you pull Dog and Sweetie Belle close to you
  726. >The police eat your air-dust as the boat soars through the skies of Equestria
  727. >But you still manage to smile
  728. >You escaped
  729. >Lyra once more appears from the cabin
  730. >"You all ok?"
  731. Yeah, we're fine. What did you do?
  732. >"Nitro"
  733. Don't be stupid, air-boats don't have nitro.
  734. >The boat drifts silently through the night
  735. >You sit, with your legs dangling off the edge of the boat, watching the landscape pass beneath you
  736. >The cool breeze whistles past you, and you take a moment to bask in the beauty of this picturesque landscape, knowing that you are the witness of one of God's most beautiful creatio-
  737. FUCK I'm hungry.
  738. >Sweetie Belle moans
  739. >"Aaaanooon. When can we eat?"
  740. Don't worry, Sweetie, we'll get food soon. Right, Lyra?
  741. >Lyra puts on a smile
  742. >"Of course we will! We're on an air boat. Gotta be food somewhere aboard."
  743. >You all go below deck to search for something to eat
  744. >All you find is some peanuts and a stick of beef jerky
  745. >Half of you don't even eat beef jerky
  746. >So you and Lyra chow down on the cow meat while Dog and Sweetie eat the peanuts.
  747. >You sleep on some rags you found lying around the boat, while using Lyra's plush, warm, furry belly as a pillow
  748. >Luxury
  749.  
  750. >Wake up
  751. >Realise the first problem of the day
  752. >You can't feel your limbs
  753. >Begin shivering profusely
  754. >Bury your face in Lyra's belly some more
  755. >She snorts in her sleep and kicks her rear leg
  756. >Shiver once more and grumble as you stand up
  757. >Nudge Lyra with a foot
  758. >She doesn't wake up
  759. >Prod her face
  760. >She doesn't wake up
  761. Oh my god! Look at all those rich ponies carrying musical instruments!
  762. >She wakes up, swearing profusely
  763. >"FUCKIN' UPPER CLASS- Oh. Hi."
  764. Hey. Damage report: It's fucking cold
  765. >Lyra shudders
  766. >"Huh. So it is."
  767. >You both ascend to the deck and look out
  768. >A white landscape greets you
  769. >Mountains covered in ice and black rock dot the area
  770. Where the hell...?
  771. >Lyra titters
  772. >"Should have known the wind would blow us here. Always does this time of the season"
  773. >She turns to you
  774. >"Looks like I know where we're going next!"
  775. >Raise an eyebrow
  776. Go on?
  777. >Lyra calls for Sweetie Belle
  778. >A few moments later a groggy looking and incredibly sleepy filly is carried onto the deck by Dog
  779. >She falls off his back and stares blankly at you while Dog gives her a morning bath
  780. >He takes good care of her, that mutt.
  781. >Sweetie croaks a few words
  782. >"Where are we going?"
  783. >Lyra strikes a dramatic pose
  784. >"We're going to the Crystal Empire!"
  785. >Oh shit.
  786.  
  787. >You laugh nervously
  788. Are uhh, are you sure?
  789. >Lyra blinks a few times
  790. >"Of course! What, you doubt my aerial navigation abilities?"
  791. >She closes one eye and turns her head so she can glare extra hard with her open eye
  792. N-no, I just think that it's a bad place to set up. It's uhh, Upper class, you know.
  793. >She cocks her head
  794. >"Upper class. The Crystal Empire. Are you for real, Anonymous?"
  795. You mean it isn't?
  796. >"It's fancy, yeah. But the entire city has turned into a hub of commerce, culture and tourism. Ponies from all over are there. Not bad for a city that only showed up 2 years ago."
  797. >You turn and look towards the shining light in the distance
  798. Is that it?
  799. >"Yup. It's got a barrier around it to prevent an invasion forces. It's a neutral zone, you see."
  800. >Nod
  801. >Your eyes widen
  802. Uhh. Lyra?
  803. >"Yeah?"
  804. Would an air-boat be stopped by the barrier?
  805. >"Of course! Something this big would be torn apart by- OH."
  806. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU STEER THIS THING?!
  807. >"I HAVE NO IDEA, WHERE THE HELL IS THE WHEEL? I WAS USING IT YESTERDAY!"
  808. WHO THE FUCK LOSES A STEERING WHEEL?
  809. >You run outside and look at the approaching city
  810. >The light blue barrier pulses slightly
  811. >Gulp
  812. >Straighten your hat
  813. >Mutter a quick prayer to Hobo Jesus
  814. >Walk over and pick up Sweetie Belle and Dog under each arm
  815. >"Hiya, Anon! Are we going to the Crystal Empire! That's so cool!"
  816. Yeah. Cool.
  817. >You clear your throat and scream like a bitch as the air-boat collides with the barrier
  818. >The smell of sulphur, smoke, and peaches fills your nostrils as you watch the boat get violently torn apart around you
  819. >You hit the deck and pull your friends close to you
  820. >Lyra screams from the cabin
  821. >Wood and splinters fly everywhere
  822. >The balloon holding the boat afloat is incinerated
  823. >You hear tortured metal groan and strain
  824. >The entire vessel slows down as it barges its way into the barrier
  825. >You hear Lyra shout from the cabin
  826. >"WE'RE GOING DOWN!"
  827. I FUCKING NOTICED!
  828. >Sweetie screams in your ear and Dog whines as you watch the city and the ground rush up to the air-boat
  829. >The boat hits the ground with a thunderous crash, yet more shattered wood being launched in all directions
  830. >You are propelled forwards and in through the cabin door with Sweetie Belle and Dog still under your arms
  831. >You slam into Lyra and carry her with you
  832. >Smash through the window at the front of the cabin, Sweetie and Dog getting wrenched from your grasp
  833. >Fly out and crumple into the ground
  834. >Stand up amongst the smouldering wreckage
  835. >Adjust your hat
  836. >Look around at the carnage and ruined earth scarred with fire and huge planks of razor sharp wood
  837. Ehh, I've seen worse.
  838. >Nudge Lyra
  839. >She grumbles and gets up
  840. >She looks around, like you did, an unimpressed face seemingly judging everything around her
  841. >"I was beginning to like that boat."
  842. >A growl alerts you to the presence of Dog dragging Sweetie out of some wreckage
  843. >She coughs and hacks up a piece wood
  844. >Then she bounces up to you and starts squeaking
  845. >"THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN!"
  846. >Pat her on the head
  847. That'll do, pig. That'll do.
  848. >Also pat Dog
  849. >Then you realise just where you are
  850. Oh god.
  851. >Lyra scowls
  852. >"What's with you, Anon? You scared of this place or something?"
  853. N-no, not at all.
  854. >She narrows her eyes, but before she can say anything you all hear a shout
  855. >"Over here! Secure the perimeter!"
  856. >Lyra groans
  857. >"Ugh. Peacekeepers. Come on, Anon. Let’s get out of here."
  858. >You, Lyra, Sweetie and Dog skedaddle away from the scene before a group of guards in bright pink armour show up
  859. >A few minutes later you've found a lovely alley way to hide in.
  860. >The Crystal Empire was originally a beautiful utopia, but the multiculturalism and multiple nations living in the city added a whole new ring around the seeming perfect centre, where all the crystal buildings are
  861. >So basically, the Empire is part shanty town
  862. >Just how you like it.
  863. >You root through a bin and pull out a half-eaten sandwich
  864. >Chew on it and toss your comrades some other food
  865. >Lyra gets a banana covered in sludge
  866. >Sweetie Belle gets an apple with an unusually large worm in it
  867. >Dog gets a full roast chicken with seasoning and a salad to go with it
  868. >All made out of cardboard
  869. >You dig into your meals and plan your next moves
  870. So. How do we get out of here?
  871. >Sweetie Belle seems confused
  872. >"Why do we wanna leave? This place is great!"
  873. >Dog barks in approval and starts eating the cardboard salad
  874. Well, it's like, in the middle of a frozen wasteland! We'll freeze to death!
  875. >The barrier around the city has also given it a tropical climate. It's like sitting on a beach
  876. >You nervously tug at your collar and readjust your hat
  877. >Lyra is about to berate you when a loud trumpet blares
  878. >"Announcing the arrival of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza to the Zebra quarter!"
  879. >OH.
  880. >SHIT.
  881. >You hurl yourself inside a bin and slam the lid over you
  882. >Outside you hear the muffled voices of Sweetie and Lyra
  883. >Sunlight hits you in the face as you see your minty comrade glaring at you
  884. >"ANON. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?"
  885. >You chuckle nervously
  886. Me? Nothing at all, my dear. Nice Cadence we're having, eh?
  887. >Lyra bites her lower lip and charges up a "FUCK"
  888. >Sweetie jumps into the bin with you and on your lap
  889. >Dog follows her
  890. >Getting mighty cramped in this bin now
  891. >"Come oooon, Anon! I wanna say hi to Cadence! I was at her wedding and everything!"
  892. >She pouts
  893. >You squirm
  894. >Lyra pushes her face closer to yours
  895. >"What's really going on, Anon?"
  896. >You gulp and begin to speak
  897. >Day 4-months-after-the-first-part-of-the-story in Equestria
  898. >Be Anon
  899. >In Manehatten
  900. >Rooting through garbage as usual
  901. >Pull out a dildo the size of your forearm
  902. Who throws away something like this?
  903. >Chuck it over your shoulder
  904. >Dog catches it and starts chewing on it
  905. >You push your arm as deep as you can, thinking of something Sweetie might want to eat
  906. >Close your hand around something
  907. >Pull
  908. >Out comes brown paper bag
  909. >Raise an eyebrow
  910. >Open it
  911. >A school lunch
  912. >An entire school lunch in pristine condition
  913. >Grin and stuff it in your jacket
  914. >Sweetie is gonna be thrilled
  915. >You dive back in to find something for Lyra when something catches your eye
  916. >Walk past Dog, still gnawing on the tip of the rubber dick
  917. >Poke your head out of the alleyway and tip your hat up slightly
  918. >A group of ponies are cheering and shouting
  919. >See two ponies walk down the street, smiling and chatting to everyone they can see
  920. >One of them is a tall white unicorn stallion, the other is a pink... Alicorn?
  921. Woah. Rare.
  922. >You watch the two walk up to an important looking building
  923. >The stallion kisses the alicorn and heads inside
  924. >The alicorn sighs and watches as the mob of mares follows the stallion inside
  925. >She turns and looks straight at you
  926. >You put on your best "Rabid Hobo" look and sneer at her
  927. >To your absolute horror, she flies over, a massive smile on her face
  928. >She stops just before you and her horn flashes
  929. >Her body seems to shine for a second, before you can see straight through her, then her body takes on a texture like oil when exposed to sunlight, and then it is normal again
  930. >She trots the final distance up to you
  931. >"Hello there."
  932. >You just stare at her
  933. >"My name is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. But you can call me Cadence!"
  934. >Royalty.
  935. >Oh shit, Anon. Get the fuck out of there. They'll never stop hunting you if she frames you for something.
  936. >Instead, Cadence trots past you
  937. >You watch as a group of ponies passes the alleyway, looks down it straight at Cadence, and carries on walking
  938. >Cadence giggles
  939. >"Oh don't worry. No pony else can see me."
  940. >She walks up and pushes your back against a wall
  941. >"Just you."
  942. >You laugh nervously
  943. Well, uhh. Princess, my name is Anon and it was lovely to meet you. If you don't mind, I have some important business to attend to."
  944. >"I see..."
  945. >She looks at Dog, who is licking the tip of the dildo
  946. >Fucking hell, Dog.
  947. >"You seem... Very busy."
  948. >Start feeling hot under the collar
  949. I-... Look, I don't want any trouble, yeah? I know you royals think you can mess around with us commoners, but you won't get the better of me!
  950. >Cadence simply smiles
  951. >"Oh, Anon. Don't you know who I am?"
  952. >Twitch nervously
  953. >"My name is Cadence. The Princess of Love."
  954. >She pushes you against the wall again and presses her hooves against your chest
  955. >"And I always get what I want."
  956. >To a person looking into the alleyway at that moment, they would see a homeless man squirming madly against thin air, his lips in a very strange position
  957. >To you, you're being molested by a princess who seemingly has a thing for the homeless
  958. >Cadence pulls back and licks her lips
  959. >"Oh gods I love that taste"
  960. >She breathes in deeply through her nose
  961. >"And that SMELL! Oh gods you're driving me CRAZY, ANON!"
  962. >You clear your throat
  963. >Straighten up
  964. >Adjust your hat
  965. >And headbutt her
  966. DOG! RUN FOR THE FUCKING HILLS!
  967. >Dog picks up the dildo in his mouth and bolts after you as you try to lose her in the intricate alleyways of Manehatten
  968. >You look up and see her gliding overhead, smiling down at you
  969. >"I see you, handsome!"
  970. >You can't fathom why this is happening
  971. >You dive down an alley that leads to a warehouse you've hidden in several times
  972. >Dog follows you through the door and you slam it shut, bolting it and pushing several boxes in front of it
  973. >Pant and listen closely
  974. >Silence
  975. Ok, Dog. I think we lost her.
  976. >In some cruel joke that was planned, Cadence then crashes through the roof, hitting the floor on all fours with a sound like 10 ton weight hitting the ground, and causing a small crater around her
  977. >She looks at you and smiles
  978. >You see a bead of sweat drop off her face
  979. >"My, oh my. You sure are a fast one, Anon!"
  980. >She walks towards you, laughing all the while
  981. >Dog spits out the dildo and growls, standing between you and her
  982. >Cadence laughs and rips open a nearby box, stuffing him inside with magic and bolting it shut
  983. >She then picks up the dildo with a faint blue aura
  984. >"Oh Anon. Didn’t you hear?"
  985. >She slowly makes her way forwards, laughing softly and spinning the dildo in the air like a drill
  986. >"I always get what I want."
  987.  
  988. >Lyra stares at you
  989. >Sweetie Belle stares at you
  990. >Dog whimpers from the recounting of the tale
  991. So yeah. Can we please leave?
  992. >You crawl out of the bin then lift Dog and Sweetie out
  993. >Your ass is tingling from the memories of your trauma
  994. >Lyra pesters you some more
  995. >"So uhh, what kind of stuff did you do?"
  996. I don't want to talk about it, Lyra. The last thing she said was "Come visit me some time.". And I don't intend to visit shit.
  997. >Lyra suddenly pulls you into a hug. And by that you mean she grabs onto your leg.
  998. >"Why didn't you tell me?"
  999. >You take off your hat, hold it to your chest and hold back tears
  1000. Hobo pride.
  1001. >Place the hat back on your head and straighten up
  1002. Now let’s get the fuck outta here.
  1003. >"Oh no you don't."
  1004. >God please no
  1005. >Slowly turn around
  1006. >A tall pony shimmers in the light and fades into vision
  1007. >Princess Cadence
  1008. >A regiment of peacekeepers block off the exits and surround you from the roof tops
  1009. >A nearby dustbin falls over and a peacekeeper crawls out, his horn charged with magic and a banana peel on his head
  1010. >He opens his mouth, dislocates his jaw, and another peacekeeper climbs out of him, looking equally as serious
  1011. >You slowly raise your hands
  1012. >Lyra growls
  1013. >Dog growls harder
  1014. >Sweetie Belle cheers
  1015. >"Hiya, Princess Cadence!"
  1016.  
  1017. >Wake up with a pounding headache
  1018. >You're in a fancy looking room, adorned with mirrors and... clean things
  1019. >Your arm tingles from memories of past cleanliness
  1020. >Slide off the bed you're led on and make for the window
  1021. >Look down at the 100ft drop
  1022. >You're in the Crystal Citadel
  1023. >Shit.
  1024. >Stride over to the door and try it
  1025. >Locked
  1026. >Look around for any other exits
  1027. >There are none
  1028. >You're trapped, and hobos can't fly
  1029. >You walk back to the window and sit down cross-legged before it, gazing out at the city and sighing in resignation
  1030. >You hope your friends are okay...
  1031. >Be Lyra "Fisticuffs" Heartstrings
  1032. >PhD
  1033. >Wake up to the sound of shouting
  1034. >You open one eye and survey your new surroundings
  1035. >Bars greet you
  1036. >Both eyes shoot open
  1037. >Sit bolt upright
  1038. >You're in a cell
  1039. >But not just any cell
  1040. >Run to the bars and look out
  1041. >You're in a prison
  1042. >You hear a chuckle to the right
  1043. >Turn to see a Diamond Dog watching you from his own bed
  1044. >"Looks like you're my new cell mate... Come'ere, darlin'. I don't bite. Too hard."
  1045. >He grins toothily
  1046. >You crack your neck and narrow your eyes, flashbacks of past prison experiences coming to mind
  1047. >The diamond dog stands up
  1048. >He towers over you
  1049. >Meh. Size is just another advantage for you
  1050. >You take a quick moment to look back outside at the prison
  1051. >It's massive, rows of cells stretch forever
  1052. >Where the hell are you? Underground?
  1053. >Look back at the dog
  1054. >Spit to the side
  1055. >Whistle and stand up on your hind legs, bringing your front hooves up to a fighting stance
  1056. Here, boy.
  1057. >The diamond dog roars and lunges for you
  1058.  
  1059. >Be Sweetie Belle
  1060. >Hear gentle music
  1061. >Slowly open your eyes and look around at the garishly pink room
  1062. >Smiling faces and suns and love hearts and all things pretty adorn absolutely everything from the walls to the pencils
  1063. >You cringe
  1064. >This doesn't look fun at all
  1065. >A face moves into your view
  1066. >A bright yellow stallion with a light brown mane beams at you
  1067. >"Hey there, little one! Welcome to Happy Smiles Home for Lost Foals!"
  1068. >OH SWEET HOBO JESUS
  1069. >YOU'RE IN AN ORPHANAGE
  1070. >The stallion smiles even harder
  1071. >"My name is Randy Hooves! We're gonna be such good friends while you're here!"
  1072. >Scream externally
  1073. >The darkest recesses of your mind stir
  1074. >Faint images flare in and out of your consciousness
  1075. >Slowly rouse from your deep sleep
  1076. >You are the one they call Dog
  1077. >And you are in a rather strange scenario
  1078. >The baying of other hounds assaults your ears
  1079. >You pay it no mind
  1080. >Time is wasting, and you need to plan your escape from your no doubt "inescapable fortress"
  1081. >You had predicted that this would happen, Anonymous foolishly told his tale whilst the enemy got into position
  1082. >But it is not Anonymous you are concerned about, he can look after himself
  1083. >Sweetie Belle.
  1084. >Dear sweet Sweetie Belle.
  1085. >You must save her from the fate she has most likely met
  1086. >You sit and patiently look out of the cage you are in
  1087. >The other dogs scream and shout at each other in incoherent rage and excitement
  1088. >You watch, taking in your surroundings
  1089. >There are two exits to this room, and the table in the far corner appears to have a row of keys on hooks above it
  1090. >You look back at the scene before you
  1091. >A fat looking dog is shouting at you
  1092. >You ignore him
  1093. >Though he may be your brother through genus, he is beneath you in all other ways.
  1094. >You do not worry for your own well being
  1095. >You will soon show these dogs, and the ponies that captured you, that you are far more capable of their complete obliteration than they can possibly comprehend
  1096. >Lick your crotch
  1097.  
  1098. ---
  1099. Part 3
  1100. ---
  1101.  
  1102. >You are Anon
  1103. >Pace up and down your 'room'. Getting more and more anxious with each second
  1104. "Ahh, cool it, Anon. You're just trapped in the castle owned by your worst nightmare."
  1105. >Freeze
  1106. >Run over to the door and start pulling on the handle for all you're worth
  1107. >Ain't movin' captain.
  1108. >Pace again, with renewed vigour.
  1109. >Princess Cadence
  1110. >Oh how she's haunted your thoughts since Manehatten
  1111. >She's everything you hate
  1112. >Rich, powerful, clean, popular, has a hot stallion husband.
  1113. >Okay, maybe not the last one. But the other 4 things are still pretty deplorable
  1114. >Oh why did it have to be you?
  1115. >You fight back a cry of frustration
  1116. >Someone knocks on the door
  1117. >Tense up
  1118. >SHE'S HERE TO FINISH THE JOB
  1119. >Frantically look around for a place to hide
  1120. >Run over to the bed
  1121. >Drag yourself under it, squeezing as hard as you can
  1122. >Manage to fit and peer out from under the bed sheet draped over the front, hiding you from view
  1123. >Another few knocks, louder this time
  1124. >You stay silent and wait
  1125. >The pony unlocks and lets herself in
  1126. >Seems to be a maid
  1127. >She appears taken aback at the empty room
  1128. >She looks over her shoulder
  1129. >Then cautiously enters and begins cleaning
  1130. >You watch her intently
  1131. >She goes around dusting and humming a tune to herself
  1132. >Eventually she gets to the bed, that is creased from you lying on it
  1133. >She pauses
  1134. >Mutters something
  1135. >And pokes her head under the bed
  1136. "How did you-"
  1137. >"You left a large dirty smear on the carpet. Do you EVER clean yourself?"
  1138. >Oh she did NOT just ask that
  1139. >Crawl out from under the bed with much effort
  1140. >Stand up and glare at the pony
  1141. >She glares back
  1142. >She's a plump looking thing. Reminds you of that fat baker back in Ponyville
  1143. >God damn the ass on that po-
  1144. >Getting sidetracked. She insulted your filth
  1145. I'll have you know that I'm a hobo and th-
  1146. >"That's something to be proud of? Please. Get a job and have a bath, you filthy mongrel."
  1147. >Gawp at her
  1148. HOW DARE YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!
  1149. >"With what? This?"
  1150. >She levitates your hobo knife in front of you
  1151. >How the fuck
  1152. "Wh-"
  1153. >"You really don't know what kind of ponies are employed as royal servants, do you?"
  1154. >She jumps up and performs a spinning kick straight to your chest
  1155. >It happens so fast you don't have time to think, and fly backwards, bounce off the springy bed mattress then hit the floor on the other side
  1156. >Sit up and stare at the 'maid'
  1157. >"I did 15 years in the Canterlot Covert Ops. If you try to escape, I'll break you and drag you back. If you talk back to me, I'll break you and you don't get supper."
  1158. Jokes on you, faggot. I don't eat supper
  1159. >"No supper for you then."
  1160. "FUCK YOU, HORSE!"
  1161. >She laughs and walks towards the door
  1162. >"Consider me the warden, 'Anonymous'. Cadence wants you protected and I'll be damned if I'm going to fail her"
  1163. >With that she exits the room and locks the door behind her
  1164. >She even took your knife
  1165. >Mother fucker
  1166. >You drag yourself back onto the bed and lie on your back, staring at the ceiling
  1167. "Great."
  1168.  
  1169. >Hours go by as you bang your head against the walls of the bedroom
  1170. >Nothing is happening.
  1171. >Why is nothing happening?
  1172. >Are you going mad?
  1173. >Does she want you to go mad so that she can subdue you more easily?
  1174. >Diabolical.
  1175. >You groan and fall backwards onto the large soft double bed
  1176. >Lie there for an hour
  1177. >Sit up and look at the clock
  1178. >It was actually 15 seconds, not an hour.
  1179. "THIS IS BULLSHIT."
  1180. >Stomp over to the window and look down at the city again
  1181. >Watch the crystal ponies strut around with their designer merchandise and expensive hooficures
  1182. >Their very existence is an insult to the hard working lower class.
  1183. >You should start a revolution when you get out of here
  1184. >But that might take effort
  1185. >And effort sucks
  1186. >You ponder the implications of a society gone mad while you watch the citizens below go about their lives
  1187. >Nothing interesting is going on down there, even though you can still see the smouldering wreckage of the Wingenburg
  1188. >Crane your neck to look at the base of the citadel
  1189. >You're a long way up. And your chances of escape are looking slim.
  1190. >The lock on your door is pulled back
  1191. >Step away from the window and grimace as the door opens
  1192. >'The Warden' walks in
  1193. >She smirks and levitates your knife, taunting you
  1194. >"You know, I was thinking of donating this."
  1195. >Could be worse. At least some poor kid somewhere will get a new knife to help him survive on the str-
  1196. >"To the royal kitchens"
  1197. >Scramble at her, with the full intention to turn her head into gak
  1198. >She nimbly dodges you and laughs
  1199. >"The Princess said I could have some fun with you. She'll be here tomorrow to do whatever she wants with you. So I think I'll play around with you a bit."
  1200. >She waggles the knife
  1201. >"Here boy! Come get the knife!"
  1202. "You cannot even fathom how much I hate you."
  1203. >"Oh, I think I can. It just makes me want to taunt you even more."
  1204. >She laughs and floats the knife closer to you, pulling it back when you swipe for it
  1205. >You dread to think what sick tortures your friends are going through right now.
  1206. >You are Lyra "Stabbington" Heartstrings
  1207. >PhD
  1208. >The Diamond Dog reels backwards, nursing his jaw
  1209. >"Y-You'll pay for that, you little mule!"
  1210. >Crack your neck
  1211. "Here doggy, Ol' Lyra has a treat for you."
  1212. >The dog lunges towards you, blind fury in his eyes
  1213. >Leap to the side and buck him in the kneecap
  1214. >A sickening crack echoes around the cell
  1215. >The inmates watching you howl in excitement at the sudden brutal entertainment
  1216. >The dog whimpers and fights back tears as he clutches his broken knee joint
  1217. >Grip his fur with some magic and yank his face towards yours
  1218. "The next time you try and fuck with me, I'll break your other leg. Got it?"
  1219. >He nods, an unmistakable fear in his eyes
  1220. >Drop him and leave him to nurse his leg
  1221. >Crawl back to your bed and lie down, your hooves behind your head
  1222. "So. Where are we?"
  1223. >"My leg..."
  1224. "Yes yes, I'm sure it hurts. Now where are we?"
  1225. >"Prison, you m-moron. Where else would you be?"
  1226. >Roll over and glare at him
  1227. >He cowers under your gaze
  1228. "I gathered that I'm in prison, you stupid mutt. I mean WHICH prison. Are we in the Crystal Bastion? The Royal Dungeons? Shawflank Prison? WHERE?"
  1229. >"Sh-Shawflank..."
  1230. "And where abouts is that in relation to the Crystal Empire?"
  1231. >"Just on the outskirts of the c-city... Did you really have to break my knee?"
  1232. "Yes."
  1233. >"Bitch"
  1234. "What's that? Break your other one?"
  1235. >"I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!"
  1236. "Good. Now what's your name, mutt?"
  1237. >"Y-yeller"
  1238. "I don't care. From now on you're Mutt. Understand?"
  1239. >"..."
  1240. "Well?"
  1241. >"Y-yes."
  1242. "Good boy."
  1243.  
  1244. >Shawflank Prison.
  1245. >You've heard tales about this place
  1246. >They say that no one ever escapes
  1247. >Those that go in never come out
  1248. >You follow the line of inmates into the cafeteria
  1249. >To your relief, sunlight streams in through the windows
  1250. >That is, the barred windows
  1251. >Protected by an iron grate
  1252. >And most likely infused with an anti-magic barrier
  1253. >Ponies are pretty intense when it comes to locking things up
  1254. >Celestia herself sent her own sister to the -moon- for a thousand years
  1255. >Watch in amusement as Mutt gets carried towards the medical quarter via stretcher
  1256. >He glares daggers at you as he passes, the stone-faced guards carrying him paying you no mind
  1257. >Snicker
  1258. >Feel a push from behind and step closer to the food counter
  1259. >Grab a tray and lock eyes with the cook
  1260. >He looks like he's trying to hate you to death
  1261. >Point at some grey mush
  1262. "That, please"
  1263. >He gives you a rotten carrot and a glass of water
  1264. >Then gives you a shit eating grin
  1265. "You're real funny, fat-ass."
  1266. >Take your food away with a huff and go to find the most secluded table to sit at
  1267. >The moment you sit down, you are surrounded by the largest minotaurs you've ever seen
  1268. >The biggest and meanest of which smiles down at you
  1269. >He slowly reaches forwards and plucks your carrot off the tray
  1270. >Then eats it
  1271. >"Thanks"
  1272. "No problem. Though you might want to give me some room. I've fucked bigger cows than you."
  1273. >"And you might not want to run your mouth off so much, little one."
  1274. >Little one
  1275. >This fuckin' bovine.
  1276. >Stand up
  1277. >The minotaur and his friends rise with you
  1278. >"You may want to consider your next move carefully, little one."
  1279. "I already have. I reckon I can tear out that shit nose ring of yours before your faggot friends can stop me"
  1280. >You jump up on the table and hurl yourself at him, screaming at the top of your lungs
  1281.  
  1282. >You are Sweetie Belle
  1283. >And this place is... Creepy.
  1284. >You stare at the foals
  1285. >The foals stare at you
  1286. >Try to remember what Anon taught you
  1287. >"Remember, the brown apples are still good eating, but if you see one that's glowing a sickly green, stay away. I ate one of those once. Grew an extra limb offa my stomach. Had to cut it off with my knife before it got too powerful"
  1288. >Shake your head
  1289. >That wasn't it
  1290. >"Oh yeah, and if you get trapped in an orphanage, watch your back. Nothing in this world is more dangerous and terrifying than a group of kids with nothing to lose"
  1291. >What else did he tell you?
  1292. >"Sweetie, stop eating that. You don't know where it's been. ... Oh, the trashcan? Okay then. Eat up."
  1293. >You giggle
  1294. >Anon was so funny
  1295. >A small brown foal steps forward, holding a teddy bear
  1296. >He's even smaller than you
  1297. >It's so cute!
  1298. "Hi! I'm Sweetie Belle!"
  1299. >The foal's eyes grow, filled to the brim with silent wonder
  1300. >He slowly lowers his teddy bear and smiles at you
  1301. >Smile back
  1302. >A new friend, perhaps?
  1303. >"YOU TEKKIN THA FUKKIN PISS, MATE?"
  1304. >Squeal in shock
  1305. >The foal turns to the others
  1306. >"Who the FUCK does this little twat think she is, yeah?"
  1307. >One of the fillies, wearing copious amounts of make up, smacks her lips and waves a hoof around in a Z shape while moving her head around in a circle
  1308. >"Terry. Terry I fink she's fuckin' around wit chu"
  1309. >'Terry' turns back to you
  1310. >"I fink she is as well."
  1311. >He prods you in the chest
  1312. >"You avin' a fuckin' giggle?"
  1313. "N-No? I j-just want to be friends..."
  1314. >Terry laughs, hard
  1315. >As do his friends
  1316. >"Y-you wanna be friends?!"
  1317. >He prances around, imitating your voice poorly
  1318. >"Ooooh laa dee daa, I'm a pretty pink pony and I want to be friends! Oh won't that be ever so magical!"
  1319. >He bats his eyelids to seal the deal
  1320. "Um, but I'm not pink-"
  1321. >"SHUT IT."
  1322. >You whimper
  1323. >Terry turns to his friends
  1324. >"What do we do wiv 'er?"
  1325. >The filly wearing make up smacks her lips again
  1326. >"I say you fuckin' deck 'er, Terry. She's like, totes givin' me evils."
  1327. >Terry looks over his shoulder at you
  1328. >"Oy, you givin' my bird evils? Mate, I will fuckin' wreck you if you're givin' my bird evils."
  1329. I-I'm not doing anything! I swear!
  1330. >Terry glares at you
  1331. >His eyes narrow so much you half expect his mane to catch fire and for him to pummel you in a fit of rage
  1332. >Instead, his eyes go back to normal, he picks up his teddy bear again and punches you in the shoulder
  1333. >"Aight, fair do's. I'm Terry"
  1334. >He points at the make-up Filly, another colt with no teeth, and an incredibly overweight colt wearing a Wonderbolt's badge
  1335. >"That's Coomy, my bird. That's Gummy, and that's Big Jim."
  1336. >You giggle
  1337. "I had a friend who had a pet alligator named Gummy!"
  1338. >Terry slaps you
  1339. >"Don't be a twat, Sweets. Gummy's gum disease ain't funny."
  1340. "...Sorry..."
  1341. >The foals walk back to their beds, Terry motions to the other 4 empty beds
  1342. >"Pick whichever one you want, yeah? Just don't fuck me off and we'll get along fine."
  1343. >"Tell 'er to not fuck around wiv me too, Terry."
  1344. >"Oh, and don't fuck around wiv Coomy. She's in a bad mood today."
  1345. "W-why?"
  1346. >"OH MY GOD SWEETIE YOU CAN'T JUST ASK ME WHY I'M IN A BAD MOOD, INNIT!"
  1347. "I-I'm sorry, C-co-"
  1348. >"Ran out of make-up and I was like 'Oh my Celestia' so I asked Terry for some more, yeah? But he said he couldn't keep nickin' stuff from the staff so I told him I wouldn't suck him off for like, a week if he didn't do it, right? So he says he can just get some other bird to suck him off and I was like 'OH MY CELESTIA I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT' so I said I wasn't gonna talk to 'im for the rest of the day but I luv 'im, ya know? So I said soz and we both fucked and made up."
  1349. >She smiles at you
  1350. >"Ya get me?"
  1351. "Uhhh... Yeah?"
  1352. >You wonder where Dog got to.
  1353.  
  1354. >You are Dog.
  1355. >Survey the area one last time
  1356. >All the other hounds are asleep in their metal prisons
  1357. >One would think that you too are incarcerated, but to suggest such a thing would be a mockery of your skills
  1358. >You lick a paw and slip it through the bars, then reach for the lock
  1359. >Concentrate as you slide a long sharp claw in the keyhole
  1360. >It finds a snag
  1361. >Tweak it around, your face locked in a state of extreme focus
  1362. >Hear a gentle click
  1363. >The door silently opens and you hop out of your cage
  1364. >Hit the floor with the grace of a cat and stalk along the sides of the room, enveloped in shadow
  1365. >It reminds you of days gone by, when you were a mere pup.
  1366. >Dark and miserable times, where every waking second was a battle for survival
  1367. >But you did it. You surpassed the competition and you alone stood victorious among your enemies
  1368. >With the techniques you learned, none could stand before your might
  1369. >Pause for a second to scratch an annoying itch on your head
  1370. >Continue on to the door, monologuing to yourself in your head the whole time
  1371. >The fools that hold you here left the door at the end of the hall open.
  1372. >No doubt they underestimated your vast array of prison-breaking strategies
  1373. >Nudge open the door and skulk into the next room
  1374. >A pony is leant back in a chair, his rear hooves resting on a desk
  1375. >He's fast asleep
  1376. >Asleep, and vulnerable
  1377. >You toy with the idea of culling him in his slumber
  1378. >It wouldn't be too difficult. A bite to the jugular, then move over slightly and crush his windpipe. He would be dead in seconds.
  1379. >Alas, Sweetie Belle's gentle nature has rubbed off on you.
  1380. >Instead, you sneak past him and move on
  1381. >These ponies can hardly call themselves prison guards. They don't even have any roaming death squads patrolling the perimeter
  1382. >A severe fundamental flaw in their plans
  1383. >Push open several other doors until you reach what appears to be a store room
  1384. >It's pitch black, so you wait for your eyes to adjust to the all encompassing darkness around you
  1385. >A nearby box is lying on it's side, it's contents all over the floor before you
  1386. >Sniff at it
  1387. >Canine food
  1388. >You test a piece
  1389. >Tastes like beef and pork both at the same time
  1390. >It shall do
  1391. >You stock up on as much reserve food and energy as you can for the coming journey.
  1392. >Lady luck has smiled upon you this day
  1393. >To an outside watcher, "stocking up on reserves" means stuffing your face with whatever is in sight, your tail wagging madly as you cram as many crunchy nuggets in your maw as possible
  1394. >But an outside watcher does not know of the strategic value of an over-abundance of rations
  1395. >You, on the other paw, do.
  1396. >Once your meal is finished, you look around the room, your eyes having fully adapted to the dark
  1397. >You notice something you hadn't seen before
  1398. >A small beam of moonlight coming from behind a pile of boxes
  1399. >You jump up on them and carefully nudge the top-most package over
  1400. >A window greets you
  1401. >If you had lips, you would be smiling
  1402. >But a good tail wag shall suffice in order to convey your immense satisfaction at finding an escape route
  1403. >You push the box off the top of the pile, no longer caring for an noise made
  1404. >Nothing can stop you now
  1405. >The window is, thankfully, unlocked. A risky gamble, given your sudden brash actions, but a worthy risk nonetheless.
  1406. >It's small. But you can fit.
  1407. >A lifetime of starvation and scavenging can do that
  1408. >Push your frame through the opening and tumble out of the other side
  1409. >Land in a pile of rubbish bins
  1410. >Ahh, the sweet scent of home fills your nostrils
  1411. >As well as the scent of everything in a 100 meter radius
  1412. >Comes with being a dog, really.
  1413. >You bask in the glory of victory for a while, enjoying the- HOLY SHIT WAS THAT A CAT
  1414. >Your ears perk up and you go stiff
  1415. >T'was not a cat
  1416. >You sincerely hope that no one saw you succumb to such a primitive reaction to the slightest noise.
  1417. >Damnable genetics.
  1418. >With the entire Crystal Empire around you, and the animal pound all but a memory, you set off in search of Sweetie Belle.
  1419. >The others can come afterwards. It's what they would have wanted.
  1420. >You get to work, snuffling the various roads and pathways through the rapidly degrading sections of the city, marking the transition from middle-class to shanty-town
  1421. >A great deal of smells and sounds fill your ears, and you struggle to tune them out
  1422. >You're searching for a certain scent
  1423. >Your scent, that is. You don't give Sweetie Belle morning baths for nothing
  1424. >It works like a homing beacon, all you need to do is...
  1425. >Hello?
  1426. >Turn down a corner
  1427. >Look at the alleyway before you for a moment
  1428. >It seems familiar somehow
  1429. >...
  1430. >You look out at the street, thinking
  1431. >Glance back at the alley, the cogs in your mind turning slowly
  1432. >Ahh, now you remember.
  1433. >This was the alley you all hid down
  1434. >The pound wasn't far from it at all
  1435. >But if this is where you all hid, then this is where you were captured
  1436. >Your tail starts to wag
  1437. >And if this is where you were captured then-
  1438. >Scamper over to an overturned bin
  1439. >Sniff hard
  1440. >And there it is.
  1441. >Sweetie Belle
  1442. >But where has she gone?
  1443. >You walk around in circles for a brief moment, trying to get a lock on the filly's (or rather, your) scent
  1444. >Ah ha!
  1445. >You suppress a joyous bark, as such an action might well give your position away to any spies lurking in the shadows
  1446. >But your excitement is too much to bear, and you take off running in the direction of the smell
  1447. >Streets and buildings fly past you in a blur, the odd drunkard stumbling around proving no challenge to avoid in your mad dash to your beloved filly
  1448. >You just hope that you can reach her in time
  1449. >You are Sweetie Belle
  1450. >Slowly open your eyes, the morning sunlight searing into your eyelids forcing them shut again
  1451. >Groan and roll over, trying to open them again
  1452. >Finally do so
  1453. >Sit up and yawn, looking around the room
  1454. >A small scrap of paper is on your mattress next to you
  1455. >Read it
  1456. >"Pper 2 smal. lft msg on Jim"
  1457. >Look over to the sleeping giant that is Big Jim
  1458. >His heavy snores reverberate throughout the otherwise empty room
  1459. >His entire back shows a message
  1460. >"Went downstairs to eat. Wake up the big guy as well while you're at it, yeah? Coomy says hi. She also says you look cute when you sleep"
  1461. >Shudder at the idea of the makeup drenched filly watching you while you sleep
  1462. >Hop off the mattress and stretch
  1463. >Walk around Jim's bed to the front of him
  1464. >Gently prod his leg
  1465. "Big Jim?"
  1466. >He snorts
  1467. >Poke him again
  1468. "B-big Ji- EEK!"
  1469. >He grabs you in his sleep and holds you close like he would with a soft toy
  1470. >You struggle to move
  1471. >Nothing doing. You're stuck
  1472. >Feel your stomach growl
  1473. >Darn.
  1474.  
  1475. >Sweetie Belle's scent is getting stronger
  1476. >You stop and pant as you watch the sun rise above a nearby mountain peak
  1477. >Your legs ache from chasing the scent all over the empire for what seemed like hours.
  1478. >It must have already been early, because it doesn't appear to be too long since you started running that the sun began to appear
  1479. >But your search is almost at an end. You can feel it.
  1480. >Run down another street
  1481. >The scent abruptly ends
  1482. >What? You can't have lost it!
  1483. >Look around, sniffing the air frantically
  1484. >Find it again
  1485. >Turn to face a large imposing building, secluded from others, but still heavily degraded
  1486. >"Happy Smiles Home for Lost Foals"
  1487. >Blink
  1488. >You wish you could read. But the trail seems to end here.
  1489. >Run to the side of the building and start poking around for entry points
  1490. >A window, a crack in the wall, an open door? Anything?
  1491. >A full perimeter sweep concludes that this place is a veritable fortress, and nothing is getting in
  1492. >Or out.
  1493. >Poor Sweetie Belle.
  1494. >Walk around the building again, sniffing the ground and whining
  1495. >Notice a large bush with an odd smell coming from it
  1496. >Smells like... Rust?
  1497. >Dive into the bush and paw away any leaves
  1498. >To your amazement, you find a grate
  1499. >Look at the aged metal
  1500. >Then back up at the building
  1501. >Your tail starts wagging
  1502.  
  1503. >Be Sweetie Belle
  1504. >Terry, Coomy and Gummy all walk through the door, Gummy still sucking on a piece of toast
  1505. >They all stare at you, trapped in the clutches of the sleeping giant
  1506. >Terry raises an eyebrow
  1507. >"Fuckin' 'ell, Belle. That didn't take long."
  1508. "It's not what it looks like!"
  1509. >Terry snorts
  1510. >"Yeah, sure. By the way, Randy was lookin' for ya'. He probably wants to molest you or some shit"
  1511. >Your heart sinks
  1512. "W-would he really do that?"
  1513. >"Nah mate. Randy's cool. JIM. WAKE THE FUCK UP."
  1514. >Jim snorts and stirs
  1515. >"Huh, what? Oh. Hello Sweetie."
  1516. "Hiya, Jim"
  1517. >Jim buries his muzzle in your mane
  1518. >You freeze and tense up, your eyes wide in shock
  1519. >Jim whispers in your ear
  1520. >"You smell great"
  1521. "Uh. Ehehehe. Great! Umm. G-gotta go!"
  1522. >You wriggle free, Jim relinquishing you from his grasp
  1523. >Run to the door
  1524. >Look back
  1525. >Jim is grinning at you
  1526. >Shudder
  1527. >Run downstairs in search of Randy
  1528. >This place is like a maze
  1529. >You can't find anyone. Not even other colts or fillies
  1530. >Before you decide to turn back, a large yellow blob moves into view
  1531. >Take a step back and look up
  1532. >Randy is smiling down at you
  1533. >"Hiiiiii theeeeeeere!"
  1534. >Well that's creepy.
  1535. "Y-you wanted to see me?"
  1536. >"Oh yeah! Yeah! Come right in!"
  1537. >He motions towards the doorway he just stepped out of
  1538. >Walk through it and into what you assume is Randy's office
  1539. >He closes the door
  1540. >It creeps back open
  1541. >"Eehehe, silly door doesn't shut properly, haha!"
  1542. >He turns to you, still smiling that creepy smile
  1543. >"No matter"
  1544. >He licks his lips
  1545. >You view him with caution
  1546. "Sooo... What did you want with me?"
  1547. >"I'm going to molest you!"
  1548. >Ahh poop. Terry was right.
  1549.  
  1550. >The grate took some work, but you managed to squeeze through one of the more rusted parts via sheer willpower and anorexia
  1551. >It appears to lead underground towards the building Sweetie is in. But you can't imagine where it would come out at
  1552. >Needless to say, you must be prepared for any encounter
  1553. >There's no telling what horrors might lurk within that foul place
  1554. >Run along the dirty tunnel
  1555. >There are no torches or lights to lead the way, so once more you have become one with the blackness
  1556. >You think you might see a dim radiance lying at the end
  1557. >Getting closer confirms your suspicions
  1558. >A small set of steps leads up to large wooden trap door
  1559. >You scale them, and pray that it is unlocked
  1560. >Randy clasps a hoof over your mouth
  1561. >You squirm and try to scream, but he's far stronger than he looks
  1562. >"Now now, Sweetie! This can feel good for you too, okie dokie?"
  1563. >Randy laughs nervously and licks his lips
  1564. >"I just want some of that..."
  1565. >He presses a hoof against your flank
  1566. >"Hot filly ass."
  1567. >You are filled with terror and have no idea what to do other than to struggle as hard as you can
  1568. >Randy moves his hoof towards your fillyparts, nervously laughing the whole time, accompanied by a crazed look in his eye
  1569. >"There we are..."
  1570. >The moment his hoof makes contact with your parts, a section of wood in the corner of the office is lifted open
  1571. >A large shaggy dog crawls out, looking tired but vigilant
  1572. >Randy stops dead
  1573. >You stare in shock
  1574. >The dog looks at you, then at Randy's hoof, then at Randy
  1575. >He bares his teeth and growls
  1576.  
  1577. >THE ENEMY HAS BEEN SIGHTED
  1578. >UNLEASH HELL.
  1579. >With the attacker frozen in place, you waste no time in descending on him in a maelstrom of tooth and claw
  1580. >Sweetie Belle screams and moves out of the way as you barrel into the pony trying to touch her
  1581. >His howls of pain shatter the peace and quiet throughout the building, but you show no remorse for those that would dare touch your filly
  1582. >The whole time, the filly in question is sat huddled up in a corner, covering her eyes with her hooves
  1583. >Good. You wouldn't want her to see this
  1584. >You tighten your grip around the pony's throat
  1585. >"P-PLEASE! NO!"
  1586. >Clamp down and crush his windpipe.
  1587. >His body spasms and several waves of blood surge up his throat as he drowns on his own life source
  1588. >Step back and watch him die
  1589. >His eyes roll into the back of his head and his legs stop twitching
  1590. >Then there is silence
  1591. >Look towards Sweetie Belle, still shaking with fear
  1592. >Walk to her and sit down
  1593. >Then roll over and wag your tail
  1594. >She giggles and rubs your belly with a hoof
  1595. >"Hehe, good doggy."
  1596. >Hurr hurrr hurr. Belly rub good.
  1597. >Damnable instincts
  1598. >You nuzzle your little one and lick her, removing any trace of that horrid scent she had developed all over herself
  1599. >Sometimes you wonder how she does it
  1600. >Once she is clean, you lie down in front of her, and she climbs onto your back, leaning forwards and clutching your body
  1601. >Head back towards the hole in the office floor and vanish into the inky blackness beneath the earth, leaving the bloodied corpse for all to see.
  1602.  
  1603. "So, what you in for?"
  1604. >The pony with an eyepatch shifts uneasily under your gaze
  1605. >"Lawyer fucked me"
  1606. >Nod slowly
  1607. "Yeah, I can believe that. But what are you actually in for?"
  1608. >"I stole a candy bar from a stall"
  1609. "At your age?"
  1610. >"Yeah..."
  1611. >Damn. These Crystal Ponies will lock you up for anything
  1612. >You are Lyra "Seventy Hooves" Heartstrings once more
  1613. >You're sporting a large black eye, several huge cuts all over your body, and a fractured rib
  1614. >The cafeteria fight went down much better than expected
  1615. >It took the leader's friends 2 seconds to drag you off him after you tore out his nose ring
  1616. >All 3 of them are now in the med bay, no doubt chatting with Mutt.
  1617. >You got your food rights revoked
  1618. >You're only allowed breakfast now. No lunch or dinner
  1619. >Jokes on them, this is like a hotel to you. And you once went 19 months without food or water
  1620. >You might have been exaggerating, but it still sounds cool when you say it out loud
  1621. >It's morning now, though. So you're enjoying your breakfast
  1622. >A piece of cabbage covered in spit, courtesy of the cook.
  1623. >Meh, you've had worse.
  1624. >Chow down on it and wink at the cook, who was watching with glee from behind the counter
  1625. >His smile falters when he sees how much you're enjoying it
  1626. >Good.
  1627. >Turn to your eyepatch-bearing companion
  1628. "So what does a mare have to do to get some free stuff around here?"
  1629. >He shrugs
  1630. >"Dunno about 'free'. But there's a guy in here that has a knack for sneaking small items in, if you can pay him"
  1631. "What's he called?"
  1632. >"Red"
  1633. "Really?"
  1634. >"Nah. It's Smugglin' Smalls."
  1635. "Where can I find him?"
  1636. >"He's locked up in the warden's office."
  1637. "Really?"
  1638. >"Nah. He's sitting right behind you"
  1639. >Turn around in your seat
  1640. >A cheery looking pony is waving at you
  1641. >"Hello!"
  1642. >Stare at him
  1643. >Sigh
  1644. >Move your tray over to his table, grunting your goodbyes at eyepatchy
  1645. "Name's Lyra"
  1646. >"I know that, silly! My name is Smuggling Smalls! But you can call me Smuggling Smalls!"
  1647. >Nod slowly
  1648. >"What's your name?"
  1649. "It's Ly- wait, what?"
  1650. >Eyepatchy leans back
  1651. >"I forgot to mention, he has severe short-term memory loss."
  1652. "Ahh, bollocks"
  1653. >Turn back to Smalls
  1654. >"What's wrong, friend?"
  1655. "Look, can you get me any item I ask for?"
  1656. >"Sure I can! I'll need to know your name and cell number though!"
  1657. "Lyra, and cell E-Nine."
  1658. >"Alrighty then! And what items do you want?"
  1659. >Look over your shoulder for any snooping ponies
  1660. >Scan the rest of the room
  1661. >No one seems to be watching
  1662. >Pull Smalls closer, whispering
  1663. "I need you to get me a rock hammer."
  1664. >"A rock hammer? Whatever for?"
  1665. "So I can tunnel my way out of here, of course. I reckon if I chip away little by little, I should be out of here in like, ten years"
  1666. >"Tunnelling, eh? You'll need a rock hammer for that"
  1667. "Oh for fuck's sake..."
  1668. >"What's your name again?"
  1669. >Groan and facehoof
  1670. "Get. Me. A. Rock. Hammer."
  1671. >"Okie dokie! I'll need payment first!"
  1672. >Look over your shoulder again
  1673. >Back to Smalls
  1674. "What kind of payment?"
  1675. >His eyes focus and he locks gazes with you
  1676. >A serious look crosses his face
  1677. >"I need you..."
  1678. >Lean closer
  1679. >"To tell me your name and cell number"
  1680. >Let out an exasperated sigh
  1681. >"Oh, and also a blowjob."
  1682. >What.
  1683. >Stare at him, shocked
  1684. >Which is rare, since hardly anything shocks you anymore.
  1685. "But... What?"
  1686. >"Pretty mare like you can probably use those lips well. How about you meet me in the prison yard later on and we sort something out?"
  1687. >You nod thoughtfully
  1688. "Alrighty, hows about this."
  1689. >He raises an eyebrow
  1690. >Grab his neck with magic and pull him towards you
  1691. >Also grab his food knife
  1692. >Place the knife straight up on the table and hover his head over it so that his eye is about an inch away from the tip of the blade
  1693. "You get me my rock hammer, or I'll give you a lobotomy. Got it?"
  1694. >He stammers and nods furiously
  1695. >"Y-y-yes! Of course! I'll just need your name and cell number!"
  1696. >The small, fat warden/cleaning pony dances around your room, singing to herself and waving your knife around
  1697. >Like the desperate hobo you are, you follow her, panting
  1698. >She stops and looks at you with a huge grin on her face as you collapse to the floor and wheeze
  1699. >"Oh come on! You've only been chasing me for thirty minutes!"
  1700. "How... Are you... Still going..."
  1701. >She cocks her head
  1702. >"Why wouldn't I be?"
  1703. "You're fat as hell... And so small..."
  1704. >She glares at you
  1705. >"Watch your tongue, ape."
  1706. "You'll have to pry it from my cold dead body before I do that"
  1707. >She spins your precious rusty knife around
  1708. >"It might just come to that, were I not under orders to keep you alive and locked up."
  1709. "Where hell is that revolting princess anyway?"
  1710. >"She's out in the city visiting various districts, and if you insult her again, I really shall remove your tongue. She said 'alive'. Not 'unharmed'."
  1711. >Gulp
  1712. >The Warden smiles
  1713. >"Chin up, monkey boy. She's probably just going to talk to you."
  1714. "I doubt it."
  1715. >"Yeah, me too. She's most likely going to rape you to death."
  1716. >Gawk at her
  1717. "And you're completely okay with that?"
  1718. >"Ehh, she does a good job keeping the Empire safe. Why not let her have some fun?"
  1719. "She has a husband!"
  1720. >"He's away on duty fighting a changeling horde coming from the west. A mare has needs, ape."
  1721. >She checks a clock on the wall
  1722. >"She'll be back in about 3 hours. So I intend to have as much fun as I can with you until she's gone"
  1723. "What fun is there to be found in making someone run around like some kid of... PET?!"
  1724. >"I have a serious domination fetish"
  1725. >What.
  1726. >She retains a completely sincere look, and doesn't break eye contact with you
  1727. "So you..."
  1728. >"Yes."
  1729. "This whole time..."
  1730. >"Yes."
  1731. "That's disgusting even by my standards."
  1732. >"Yeah well, I don't care. Now come and get your knife."
  1733. "Hell no"
  1734. >She waves it around in front of your face
  1735. >"Come on! Come and get the knife!"
  1736. "No. You can keep it"
  1737. >You feel yourself tearing up
  1738. "You've... Tainted it."
  1739. >"It's a knife, you overgrown chimp"
  1740. "IT'S LIKE A BROTHER TO ME!"
  1741. >"Are you SURE you don't want to chase me around? I was getting close as well..."
  1742. "STOP SAYING... Euugh-- WORDS!"
  1743. >She giggles, her plump form bouncing slightly
  1744. >"Nope. I'm going to keep this knife and do terrible terrible things to it after you're gone."
  1745. "Stop it."
  1746. >"I might use the handle to-"
  1747. "STOP IT."
  1748. >"Maybe even get the blade replaced"
  1749. "YOU HARLOT!"
  1750. >"I think I might just colour it pink as well"
  1751. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH"
  1752. >You give in and chase that fat fuck around the room as fast as you can
  1753. >As expected, even when fuelled by rage she bounces around like some kind of perverted rubber ball, deftly dodging your every move and taunting you the whole time
  1754. >"YOUR ANGER ONLY MAKES ME MOISTER!"
  1755. >You and Sweetie Belle emerge from the tunnel and enter the now beaming sunlight
  1756. >A warm and delicate breeze rolls through, and causes Sweetie, who is still perched atop you, to sigh
  1757. >"This place is great! It's too bad that Anon and Lyra aren't here though..."
  1758. >She makes a point. Lyra and Anon are still nowhere to be found, and you have no leads. It's been too long since you were at the place where you were captured, and the trail has no doubt gone cold by now. Scents don't linger for too long, and it was lucky you found Sweetie's in the first place
  1759. >Still, you owe it to your pack to find them again
  1760. >Lyra will no doubt be trapped in a complex designed to house dangerous ponies such as herself. Such a fortress will be even harder to penetrate than the building you just liberated Sweetie from
  1761. >The filly in question giggles as her stomach grumbles
  1762. >"Can we get something to eat, Dog? I'm kinda hungry."
  1763. >Indeed. Sustenance comes first, and you wouldn't want your filly to go hungry after all that you have been through
  1764. >Lick your lips and huff, setting off at a brisk trot in the direction of the nearest and strongest scent
  1765. >Walk through the increasingly more crowded streets on the way to some form of food source
  1766. >You would normally just swipe some sausages from a meat stand, since there are quite a few griffins located around this shanty town
  1767. >But for some bizarre reason, Sweetie doesn't eat meat.
  1768. >Lyra does. So why not Sweetie?
  1769. >Regardless, you trudge on in search for something more green to give to your little one
  1770. >Eventually you find a bin with a half eaten apple in it
  1771. >Wait for Sweetie to jump off your back and scramble into the bin
  1772. >She sits in the rubbish and chews on her apple, looking adorable.
  1773. >Rest your head on the floor and close your eyes for a second
  1774. >Hear a rustling nearby
  1775. >Open one eye and look around
  1776. >A newspaper flutters by, and gets stuck between a drainpipe and a wall
  1777. >Cock your head and squint at it
  1778. >Either your eyes are playing tricks on you, or...
  1779. >You stand up and bark
  1780. >Sweetie's head appears over the edge of the bin
  1781. >"What is it, boy?"
  1782. >Run over to the paper and grip it with your mouth, bringing it back to Sweetie and putting it in the bin with her
  1783. >She smooths it out and looks at it
  1784. >"Crystal Empire celebrates hottest day yet? What's that got to do with anything, Dog?"
  1785. >Bark at her and whine
  1786. >She looks beneath the main headline and gasps
  1787. >"Ohmygosh! Dangerous bandits captured! Hey, Dog! That's us!"
  1788. >You rear up on your hind legs and drape your head over the side of the bin
  1789. >In black and white, a photograph of you, Anonymous, Lyra and Sweetie Belle are shown being carted off
  1790. >You're all unconscious, and appear to have darts stuck in your necks
  1791. >That explains the sudden fade to black you experienced
  1792. >Sweetie Belle reads the article aloud
  1793. >"Even the arrival of her highness Princess Cadence was not enough to prevent dangerous vagabonds from causing trouble, but her highness was vigilant and prevented them from hurting any more innocent ponies."
  1794. >She huffs
  1795. >"Even I could write a better article than this... I wrote for the school paper once!"
  1796. >She continues
  1797. >"Found with the troublemakers was a young filly, supposedly kidnapped, who has been placed in the Happy Smiles Home for Lost Foals until a family can be found for her"
  1798. >She looks at you
  1799. >"It wasn't -that- bad. Just a bit too creepy for my tastes"
  1800. >You lick her face
  1801. >She giggles and wipes the drool off herself before reading the last extract
  1802. >"The infamous and elusive Anonymous has been taken into royal custody, and the nefarious criminal Lyra "Roadhouse" Heartstrings has been safely locked up in Shawflank Prison for the rest of her days. Truly it is a glorious day for the Crystal Empire"
  1803. >Sweetie puts down the paper
  1804. >"Well. At least we know where they are now."
  1805. >Stare at the ceiling of your cell
  1806. >Whistle a simple tune as you count sheep, trying to pass the time
  1807. >"Yo, if that bitch tries to start with me, I'll fuck her up!"
  1808. "I HEARD THAT"
  1809. >"...Sorry!"
  1810. >Fucking inmates
  1811. >It's been like, 3 hours since you told that scum bag to get your hammer
  1812. >You have no idea how long it will take, but you're getting impatient.
  1813. >Getting out of here is only half the job, you still have to get Sweetie Belle, Anon and Dog to safety once you get out
  1814. >Sigh
  1815. >Hell of a task ahead of you
  1816. >Hear a tapping on the bars to your cell
  1817. >Look over
  1818. >An old pony pushing a cart is trying to get your attention
  1819. >"B-book service?"
  1820. >Grunt and get up off the bed, walking up to the bars and glaring at the old guy
  1821. "Did I ask for a book?"
  1822. >"N-no, but I think you'd like this one, miss"
  1823. >He passes you a copy of "Craftspony's Tools and Tricks of the Trade" through the bars
  1824. >Raise an eyebrow as you look at the front cover
  1825. >Look back up
  1826. >The old pony has already moved on, and is calling out for book service to anyone who might care
  1827. >Walk back to your bed and sit on it, your back resting against the wall
  1828. >Open the book
  1829. >To your surprise, all the pages are glued together, and the inside has been hollowed out
  1830. >A small hammer rests inside
  1831. >Smile to yourself
  1832. "Well I'll be..."
  1833.  
  1834. >You are Anonymous
  1835. >You're fucking done
  1836. >Sit with your knees pulled up against your chest
  1837. >The knife prods the side of your face
  1838. >"Come on, do something funny"
  1839. "Fuck off, horse"
  1840. >She pouts, her face still managing to display an air of malevolence
  1841. >"You're no fun!"
  1842. "I said, fuck off. Go clean something if you have to be here"
  1843. >She jabs you with the knife, much harder this time
  1844. >You feel the very tip sink into your cheek
  1845. >Wince
  1846. >Feel a drop of blood slide down your unshaven face
  1847. >"Next time, I won't be gentle. In fact, I might-"
  1848. >She stops talking abruptly
  1849. >You don't care.
  1850. >...
  1851. >Alright, you do
  1852. >Look up at her
  1853. >She's looking to the side, a solemn look on her face
  1854. >The little pony turns back to face you
  1855. >"Well. Would you look at the time"
  1856. >Grudgingly look at the clock
  1857. >...
  1858. "Oh god no"
  1859. >The warden turns to leave, taking your knife with her
  1860. "Y-you can't leave! I'll be fun! I promise!"
  1861. >"I'm afraid I have to, monkey boy. Good luck. You'll need it."
  1862. >She exits the room and shuts the door behind her, locking it
  1863. >You start to tremble in fear
  1864. >It's high noon.
  1865. >Cadence has returned to the castle.

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