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[FLUTTERRAPE] Hobonon - Part I

By Nebulus
Created: 17th December 2020 06:42:59 PM

  1. Originally uploaded to Pastebin: March 2nd, 2013
  2. ---
  3.  
  4. I want to thank everyone for getting me to 10,000 Pastebin views.
  5. I love each and every one of you so very very much.
  6. ---
  7. >Day Benefits in Equestria
  8. >The sound of busy streets and early morning life rouses you from your sleep
  9. >Yawn, your dry lips cracking
  10. >Lip them and smack a few times
  11. >Stand up, cracking your joints and stretching
  12. >Look around you
  13. >Brick walls covered in posters and posters covered in grime look back
  14. >A weary smile crosses your face
  15. >A ball of mangy fluff on the floor stirs in its sleep before slowly waking up
  16. >It gets to it's feet and shakes, wagging its tail and looking up at you happily
  17. >Reach down and scratch it behind the ear
  18. Mornin' Dog.
  19. >You are Anon
  20. >Professional Hobo
  21.  
  22. 1/?
  23.  
  24.  
  25. >Dog barks and licks your hand
  26. Got a long day ahead of us, okay? You stay close now.
  27. >Dog wags his tail some more and trots over to a nearby bin, resting his paws against it and looking at you expectantly
  28. >Chuckle
  29. Alright, alright. Let's see what we've got today
  30. >You remove the bin lid and peer inside
  31. >A half-eaten banana rests on the top
  32. >Pick it up, raising an eyebrow
  33. Now who goes and throws out a perfectly good half-eaten banana?
  34. >You eat the entire thing. Skin and all.
  35. >Go back to the bin, sticking your arm inside and searching for something
  36. >Dog whines
  37. Don't worry, gotta be- Nyugh- SOMETHING in here...
  38. >There are Griffins around here, and even a couple of Diamond Dogs. So there must be-
  39. Aha!
  40. >Your fingers grip something promising
  41. >Pull it out
  42. >A whole sausage
  43. >You and Dog stare open mouthed at it
  44. >Dog starts panting
  45. >So do you
  46. >Smile and crouch down, offering the sausage on an outstretched palm
  47. For you, my friend.
  48. >Dog wolfs the whole thing down and barks happily
  49. >Smile at him
  50. Come on, lets go kill the day.
  51. >You reach next to the bin and pick up an old looking banjo
  52. >It was handcrafted by yours truly
  53. >Ain't no banjo like a hobo banjo
  54. >The streets of Phillydelphia are a pleasant sight as you stroll down them, Dog eagerly prancing along at your heels
  55. >Ponies veer off in different directions when they go near you
  56. >Chuckle as they do
  57. >Pass an expensive looking shop
  58. >Look at the window
  59. >The store clerk's ears droop and his eyes shrink when he sees you looking
  60. >Wave cheerily at him
  61.  
  62. 2/?
  63.  
  64. >You don't care about the shop though, you're just checking yourself in the glass
  65. >You're dressed in an old worn brown jacket, a torn, soot covered green waist-coat and an ancient looking white shirt underneath it all
  66. >Your shoes are odd, a black boot sits on your left foot, and a fancy looking brown shoe on your right
  67. >But your favourite accessory is that which is sat on your head.
  68. >A battered, yet still surprisingly stylish gibus
  69. >You run a tongue over your teeth as you admire yourself in the glass
  70. >Dog sits patiently, licking his crotch.
  71. >The store clerk comes out a door to your right, looking flustered
  72. >"Excuse me, sir. But could you please move away? You're making customers inside feel uncomfortable"
  73. Ahh, phooey. I'm too good for this shop anyway. Come on, Dog.
  74. >Dog growls at the clerk and skulks after you
  75. >You might think that being homeless is terrible. But really, it's the best lifestyle one could ask for
  76. >Living out under the stars, eating whatever you want out of people's bins. Not a care in the world.
  77. >It's better than working.
  78. >You come to an inner-city park, and sit down on a bench, resting a leg over another and strumming your banjo
  79. >Dog lies on the bench next to you, snoozing in the morning sun
  80. >You smile at him
  81. >He's a good dog, is Dog. You found him scavenging outside a fancy cafe
  82. >He seems to understand everything you say. At first you were going to call him Seymour, but after you said "wait here while I go root through this trash" one time, you ended up sobbing and clutching him to your chest for about 30 minutes
  83. >So Dog it was. It's a simpler name. Rolls off the tongue, or something.
  84.  
  85. 3/?
  86.  
  87. >You play a simple tune, your gibus on the ground upside down
  88. >A few ponies walk by and drop bits in, causing you to nod and smile at them
  89. >They would then start walking much faster
  90. >You like it here in Equestria
  91. >Was creepy at first. You were in New York, just minding your own business in some lawyer's bin when there was a flash of light
  92. >At first you thought it was the fuzz. Not that you would have minded, of course. Police cells are comfy as hell. Like staying in a 5 star hotel for the night. You even get food!
  93. >No, instead, much to your chagrin, you ended up here in Phillydelphia.
  94. >You still remember the first thing you thought after seeing aliens walking around
  95. >"I wonder if they have beer"
  96. >And they did
  97. >That first night was one you'll never forget.
  98. >But the citizens just sort of ignored you. They were shocked to see you, but you just came to be known as some hyper-intelligent ape that had escaped from the zoo
  99. >The zoo people came for you
  100. >They didn't want you, though
  101. >Good riddance. You're too good for a zoo.
  102. >You close your eyes and think sweet hobo things while you strum your banjo
  103. >The banjo didn't come with you. Nay, you hand-crafted this beauty out of wood you 'borrowed' from a charity shop.
  104. >Took many days and nights to carve it with a knife, but it was worth it.
  105. >Now you can make music and make all the mares swoon
  106.  
  107. 4/?
  108.  
  109. >What, you think a hobo can't get a mare?
  110. >You've been with thousands of mares
  111. >You've been with hundreds of mares
  112. >You've been with lots?
  113. >A few.
  114. >...
  115. >You've been with about 3 mares.
  116. >They were all drunk at the time, and wanted to get freaky with "George of the Jungle"
  117. >You weren't complaining. Poon's poon.
  118. >You stop playing, your eyes still shut and brain still thinking.
  119. >Dog woofs in his sleep
  120. >You're concerned though
  121. >You stopped playing your banjo, but you can still hear music
  122. >That banana must have had something in it.
  123. >It can't have done. Bananas are healthy food. It's impossible for one to be bad for you.
  124. >Open your eyes and look around
  125. >A gentle melody drifts towards you on the wind
  126. >Nudge Dog and get up, banjo in hand
  127. >You both follow the sound of the melody in silence
  128. >It's beautiful. It's like a tale, high notes and low notes telling a story. The whole thing seems sombre but tells of hope.
  129. >You're not actually sure if that's what it's meant to sound like. Being a hobo means finding meaning in things that aren't there.
  130. >Like when you saw Jesus Christ in a block of mouldy cheddar
  131. >You called it Cheesus.
  132. >You come to a hillock and look over it
  133. >And there she is
  134. >Sat perched on her own park bench, much like you were, sits a minty green pony, playing a small harp thing.
  135.  
  136. 5/?
  137.  
  138. >You sniff
  139. >Pull up your pants
  140. >And stroll towards her
  141. >As you get closer, the pony looks worse for wear
  142. >She's got her fair share of scars, several deep wounds along her coat
  143. >She's wearing a flatcap, and has a stick with a bundle of items wrapped up in a cloth hanging from it resting next to her
  144. >She sees you coming, and her eyes widen
  145. >Sit down next to her, neither of you saying anything
  146. >Dog sits on the floor, watching her
  147. >"Good mornin."
  148. Mornin.
  149. >You motion to your banjo
  150. >She motions to her battered harp thing
  151. >And you start playing
  152. >You don't say a thing to her, nor her to you. You just sit on that bench and play your instruments long into the afternoon.
  153. >Ponies stop and watch the two of you play, your instruments complimenting each other beautifully
  154. >By the end, you blink a few times and look up
  155. >Your gibus, that was on the floor the whole time, is now half full of bits
  156. >You and the Mint Pony stare at it, then at each other
  157. >She smiles at you
  158. >"Lyra"
  159. Anon.
  160. >You and Lyra chat on the bench for the rest of the afternoon
  161. >Turns outs she's a travelling bard, and is getting ready to skip town
  162. >The idea intrigues you
  163. How are you going to get there?
  164. >"Oh, I usually just jump on a train."
  165. Could I... Join you?
  166. >Her eyes seem to sparkle
  167. >"You want to travel with me?! OF COURSE!"
  168. >She hugs you, you hug her back
  169. >Her coat is greasy
  170. >Lovely.
  171.  
  172. 6/?
  173.  
  174. >She lets go and you both grin at each other
  175. >Until a loud growl emits from you both
  176. >"Oh. Hehe, uhh. I guess I'm pretty hungry."
  177. Wanna get something to eat? I know a good restaurant bin near here.
  178. >She smiles
  179. >"I'd like that"
  180. >You, Dog and Lyra stroll through that city without a care in the world
  181. >Ponies be cringin'
  182. >Mares be coverin' their foal's eyes
  183. >Your stink be wiltin' flowers.
  184. >But nary a shite was given that day
  185. >You smile and let Lyra go first into the alley behind the restaurant
  186. >Just in time to see a back door open and a kitchen-hand throw some scraps out
  187. >Lyra "woahs"
  188. >You pat her on the back
  189. Now stand back, dearie. This might get nasty.
  190. >You pull out your rusty hobo knife and jump on the pile of scraps
  191. >On cue, a thousand rats, homeless ponies and griffons explode out of the nearby trash
  192. >You duck, dive, dodge and stab your way to glory, the screams of the dying echoing throughout the alleyway
  193. >Being the king of the city, and biologically superior to your adversaries, you stand victorious over them
  194. >Lyra clops her hooves
  195. >"Wooo! Go Anon!"
  196. >You take a bow
  197. Thank you, thank you.
  198. >Pull an angry rat off your sleeve and toss it to Dog
  199. >He settles down to enjoy his meal
  200. >You and Lyra take your pick of scrap veg and other food, Lyra taking care to pick out the bits with no blood or eviscerated organs on them.
  201. >You both eat hearty and rest your heads on a dead griffon, his feathers providing good comfort
  202. >Lyra snuggles up to you
  203. >So does Dog
  204.  
  205. 7/?
  206.  
  207. >Close your eyes and drift off to sleep, dreaming happy hobo dreams.
  208. >That is, until a blinding light forces your eyes open again
  209. >You blink and look up
  210. >A police pony is glaring down at you and shining a torch
  211. >He looks pissed
  212. >Look around
  213. >Dead rats, ponies and griffons are everywhere in the alley, following the bloodbath that you won.
  214. >More police ponies walk into the alley
  215. >"Well well well. Look what we have here. What is this, some kinda freak show?"
  216. That's not very nice, Lyra's a beautiful pony.
  217. >She stirs and wakes up
  218. >"Hmm? What is it, Anon?"
  219. >She looks at the fuzz and freezes
  220. >"OH TARTARUS, IT'S LIKE LAS PEGASUS ALL OVER AGAIN."
  221. >She somehow backflips from where she was sat over the griffon in an amazing show of dexterity and grace
  222. >"ANON! CHEESE IT!"
  223. >You pick up a rat and throw it at the police pony
  224. >Picking Dog up under your arm you run your mangy ass out of there, the sounds of police giving pursuit filling your ears
  225. >"STOP RIGHT THERE!"
  226. >Hell naw.
  227. >Sprint down the streets, the street lights showing you the way in the darkness
  228. >You jump over ponies and bulldoze your way through a gaggle of orphans, their cries of woe giving you strength
  229. >Dog barks from under your arm
  230. >You boop his nose to shut him up and continue running after Lyra, who you can just see in the distance
  231. >Lyra heads down a path towards the train station
  232. >You give chase, the police hot on your heels
  233.  
  234. 8/?
  235.  
  236. >Lyra gallops towards an empty cart and jumps in just as the train begins moving
  237. >The machine gives off a whistle, indicating it's departure
  238. >You pick up the pace, your heart burning and your dog barking madly
  239. >The train begins moving, rapidly picking up the pace
  240. >The police have nearly caught up
  241. >"DON'T DO IT MONKEY, JUST COME WITH US PEACEFULLY!"
  242. >Lyra extends a hoof
  243. >"COME ON, ANON! JUMP!"
  244. >You underarm throw Dog into the carriage and sprint as fast as you can, hurling yourself after him just as the train reaches it's top speed
  245. >You hear the police ponies swearing and cursing you as jeer at them
  246. >Watch as Phillydelphia pulls away, the buildings becoming specs as the various sights rush past you
  247. >Lyra is on her back, panting heavily
  248. >You scratch her belly
  249. >It's soft, like a pillow
  250. >She coos as you scratch it
  251. >Dog lumbers over and rests his head next to Lyra
  252. >You end up scratching both of them, each 4-legged friend kicking a rear leg and drooling slightly
  253. >Feels good to be an advanced lifeform
  254. >You watch as trees and rivers rush past you
  255. >You've never been out of Phillydelphia, or even New York back home. So this scenery is something completely new to you
  256. >And then it hits you
  257. Hey Lyra?
  258. >"Yeah?"
  259. Where's this train headed, anyway?
  260. >"Ponyville"
  261.  
  262. 9/?
  263.  
  264. >Ponyville
  265. >Sounds nice.
  266. >You use Lyra's belly as a pillow and pull Dog closer to you, falling asleep as quickly as you did in the alley
  267.  
  268. >A loud whistle and a conductor calling awakens you
  269. >You stir and prod Lyra's face to wake her up
  270. >Dog just licks her
  271. >She snorts and sits up, yawning
  272. >"Mornin', Anon."
  273. Mornin'. I think we're here
  274. >Lyra pokes her head out of the car, looking towards the station
  275. >The train is long, so you're not actually pulled in yet
  276. >You look with her, and see several security guards
  277. >They probably wouldn't take too kindly to seeing two vagabonds jumping trains, so you jump all jump out and run off the tracks without them noticing.
  278. >You walk through the trees towards the town, birds tweeting overhead
  279. >Lyra hums to herself and walks ahead, Dog happily trotting alongside her
  280. >You look around at the countryside, breathing in the fresh air
  281. >You feel somewhat uneasy. There are no large buildings to duck down. And you can hardly see any alleyways.
  282. >Lyra looks back
  283. >"What's wrong, Anon?"
  284. It's just this town. It gives me the heeby jeebies. Like something depraved and sexually awkward is going to happen.
  285. >"Don't be ridiculous. What are the odds of that happening?"
  286. Never overlook hobo-sense, Lyra. It will save your life and your dignity some day
  287. >She chuckles and turns her head forward again
  288. So have you been here before?
  289. >"Many times. Even made a friend or two. I come back every now and again to catch up and to mooch off the locals"
  290. I like your style
  291. >She looks back and winks
  292. >Eyes, reader.
  293. >Eyes.
  294. >You follow Lyra to a park and both of you sit down on a bench
  295. >Dog jumps up between you and rests his head on your lap
  296. >Absentmindedly scratch his head and look around at everything
  297.  
  298. 10/?
  299.  
  300. >Quite a peaceful town, really. Could use some industry. And larger buildings. All this fresh air isn't good for your lungs.
  301. >Your air needs to be at least 45% polluted.
  302. >Sigh
  303. >Sometimes, you miss New York.
  304. >But a hobo can't get sad. For a hobo has no home to hold him down
  305. >Instead you turn to Lyra who is tweaking her harp thing
  306. What is that, anyway?
  307. >"It's a lyre"
  308. Cute.
  309. >"Very"
  310. >Well that solves that mystery
  311. So where should we eat?
  312. >She looks around
  313. >"Still got those bits?
  314. >You take off your hat, still half full with bits
  315. >Lyra stares at you
  316. >"How have the bits stayed in there all this time?"
  317. A hobo never reveals his secrets
  318. >You say as you flick your wrist and produce your rusty knife
  319. >Lyra thinks while you pick your teeth with the knife
  320. >"I think I know a good place nearby. You good with eating sugar?"
  321. Damn straight.
  322. >You put your hat back on, the bits staying comfortably on your head
  323. >You both walk over a small bridge and into Ponyville
  324. >Ponies keep their distance as you stroll along next to Lyra
  325. Why're they staring?
  326. >"Dunno. Probably something to do with your fashion sense"
  327. >She freezes the turns to you
  328. >"For Celestia's sake don't let Rarity see you."
  329. Who is-
  330. >"What in Equestria is THAT?"
  331.  
  332. 11/?
  333.  
  334. >Turn around
  335. >A purple unicorn is gawping at you
  336. >Lyra sighs
  337. >"And here I thought I could have a nice meal without this..."
  338. Is that Rarity?
  339. >"No. Worse."
  340. >The unicorn teleports, 5ft, to get to you
  341. >She stares up
  342. >"Oh my goodness! I've never seen anything like you in my books! What are you?"
  343. A hobo.
  344. >"Hoe-Boe... Interesting."
  345. >Lyra is rubbing her temple
  346. >"Lets go, Anon. She won't shut up unless you disappear from her field of vision"
  347. >She drags your arm away from the babbling unicorn and behind a large shop
  348. >She then swipes a Swiss roll from a bin and chews on it
  349. >You help yourself to one and talk over your food
  350. So what was up with that? Ain't never seen a pony take that kind of interest in me before
  351. >"Yeah, I should probably have mentioned."
  352. >She swallows her sweet
  353. >"You're not a very common species around here. Where did you say you were from?"
  354. New York
  355. >"Where's that?"
  356. America.
  357. >"Where's that?"
  358. Earth.
  359. >"Where's that?"
  360. Space, I think.
  361. >"...Huh."
  362. >She regards you with a curious stare
  363. >"Anon, are you an alien?"
  364. Technically
  365. >She scrunches her face up
  366. >"Meh, I've seen worse."
  367.  
  368. 12/?
  369.  
  370. >You feel Dog some of the less sugary stuff in the bin before heading off with Lyra
  371. >She takes you down an alley
  372. >"This looks pretty good!"
  373. Agreed. So, should we play some more music?
  374. >"Stellar idea! After that we can-"
  375. >She stops talking
  376. What?
  377. >You look behind you, where she's now pointing
  378. >A yellow pegasus is staring at the two of you
  379. >Lyra looks back at you and clears her throat
  380. >"Eeeeuuugh uuugh uuh uuuuuuugh" (Switch to Hobo until she leaves)
  381. Uugh. UUUUGhh eeeuuuuugh ughughugh (Okay)
  382. >You both grunt and whistle at each other while the yellow Pegasus just hovers there, looking at you
  383. >"UUUUGH" (She's still there, should we plan an escape route or split up then meet back here?)
  384. Ugg. (Capital idea. Meet you back here in a few minutes. Bring food)
  385. >With that, you both go your separate ways
  386. >Lyra shuffles past the pegasus, grunting as she does it
  387. >The pony flinches, but continues to stare at you
  388. >You sneer at her and walk away, doing your best to look hobo-like
  389. >It's not difficult.
  390. >A flapping of wings indicates that she's following you
  391. >Curses.
  392. >You turn around and tell her to piss off in Hobo Speak
  393. UUUUAUAAEEEGH UUUGH
  394. >She screams and loses control of her wings, falling flat on her back
  395. >Sprint like hell towards anywhere before she can get you again
  396. >End up hiding out in a bin for the next few hours, peering out at the world around you
  397. >You have no idea where Dog or Lyra are
  398. >They'll be fine though
  399.  
  400. 13/?
  401.  
  402. >Decide that it's time to go
  403. >Stand up, the bin lid still on your head
  404. >Look around
  405. >No yellow pony
  406. >Good to go
  407. >You head back to the alleyway, your hobo sense of direction leading the way
  408. >You see it in sight, and pick up the pace, nearby ponies giving you confused glances, and muttering amongst themselves
  409. >Before you reach the alley, however, you fall over.
  410. >That's... Not normal.
  411. >You try to move
  412. >Nothing.
  413. >Look around
  414. >Your arms and legs and suspended by a purple aura
  415. >Swivelling around in the air, you see 6 ponies stood in a semi-circle around you
  416. >The purple one steps forward
  417. >"You can come peacefully, or we'll hurt you"
  418. UUUUUGH (Please don't)
  419. >The orange one with the uncool hat recoils in horror
  420. >"He's rabid! We gotta put 'im down!"
  421. >Clear your throat
  422. So sorry, my dear. I often forget to speak properly after speaking hobo.
  423. >5 of the 6 ponies gain shocked expressions
  424. >The purple one doesn't, she just narrows her eyes and peers closely at you
  425. >She sniffs
  426. >And gags
  427. >You chuckle
  428. Impressed?
  429. >"H-hardly... Now, what are you doing in Ponyville, Mr Huhboh?"
  430. >Huhboh.
  431. >That's gold.
  432. I'm just travelling, my dear. Please put me down and let me continue on my travels.
  433.  
  434. 14/?
  435.  
  436. >The purple one laughs
  437. >"I can't do that! You're a new species! I have to document you!"
  438. And what if I say no?
  439. >"You don't have a choice"
  440. >Raise an eyebrow
  441. >Purple Pone scrunches her face up
  442. >Just then the yellow one steps forward
  443. >"T-twilight? I think we should respect his decision! He's a living creature, and we should all listen to one another!"
  444. >Twilight groans
  445. >"Fine..."
  446. >She drops you, then points a hoof at you
  447. >"But no monkey business! I'm watching you..."
  448. >You stand up and take a mock bow
  449. Of course, milady.
  450. >Twilight huffs and walks off, the other ponies skulking away
  451. >The yellow one blushes then flies off, leaving you alone
  452. >Well. Almost alone.
  453. >A single pony remains, her face one of utter contempt and horror
  454. >She's white, with a purple mane
  455. >Sniff
  456. >May as well be civil
  457. >Wipe your nose on your sleeve and extend a hand
  458. Good morning, Miss. Pleasure to make your acquaintance
  459. >She shudders
  460. >"You... You're filthy."
  461. >Look down
  462. >You've got a healthy amount of dirt all over you
  463. An accurate observation.
  464.  
  465. 15/?
  466.  
  467. >The pony shudders again
  468. Miss, are you alri- WOAH
  469. >She hoists you into the air with magic and gallops off, carrying you with her
  470. Lady, I don't mean to be rude, but are you insane?
  471. >"I NEED TO CLEAN YOU!"
  472. >She kicks open the door to a clothes shop, scaring a foal who is colouring on the floor
  473. >"Hiya Rarity!"
  474. >"SHUT UP SWEETIE BELLE I SWEAR TO CELESTIA"
  475. >Sweetie Belle whimpers and goes back to colouring
  476. >Rarity carries you upstairs and throws you in a room before running in after you and slamming the door
  477. >You lie on the soft carpet, looking around the room
  478. >It's absolutely immaculate. Not a speck of dust anywhere
  479. >This is creepy
  480. >Rarity is breathing heavily, her eyes looking at you hungrily
  481. Uhh, I appreciate this, I think. But I really need to get going-
  482. >"NO!"
  483. >Woahshit.
  484. >Rarity licks her lips and stalks towards you
  485. >You scoot back a bit. This is uncomfortable even by your standards.
  486. >"You're a dirty dirty ape... And I need to clean you..."
  487. >Well this took a turn for the weird
  488. >Rarity's malevolent grin grows
  489. Rarity, I must warn you, I will hurt you. Just stop... Whatever it is you're about to do.
  490. >"No, darling. I need. To. CLEAN YOU!"
  491. >With that she picks you up with magic and throws you into the en suite
  492. >You crash into the side of the bath and groan
  493. >Goddamn magic
  494. >Rarity enters the bathroom after you and turns on the water with yet more magic
  495. >Hot steamy water begins gushing into the bath
  496. >Your eyes widen
  497. NO!
  498. >"YES!"
  499.  
  500. 16/?
  501.  
  502. >She pins you down with her blue auras and giggles madly as she pours a multitude of smell colourful liquids into the bath
  503. >By now it smells like a bed of roses
  504. >You hate roses.
  505. >You struggle and roar at her
  506. >She simply giggles
  507. >"And now! The main event!"
  508. >She giggles even more, and you notice that she's dripping between her legs
  509. >She shudders again
  510. >Oh god. That's what she was doing before.
  511. >Gross.
  512. >She picks you up and starts slowly lowering you into the bath
  513. >You wave your arms around and grip the sides of the bathtub, refusing to let any part of you touch the no doubt toxic water
  514. >"DON'T... BE... DIFFICULT!"
  515. >She amplifies the magic, and your limbs start feeling like they're about to snap under the strain
  516. W-what do you expect me to do? Be civilised?!
  517. >"No, Mr Monkey, I expect you to get clean"
  518. >She presses you down even harder
  519. >Your left arm gives way and your forearm goes into the bubbles
  520. >The hot water scalds your arm and the various chemicals burn your skin
  521. >You scream in pain as Rarity pulls it back out with magic
  522. >Your arm is sparkling clean, and smells like a fresh summer breeze
  523. OH CHEESUS, HELP ME!
  524. >Cheesus was listening.
  525. >For your prayers are answered
  526. >The en suite door slams open and a furry ball of rabid fury tackles Rarity
  527. >The magic holding you fades, and you yell as you feel yourself falling
  528. >Only to be caught again in a golden aura
  529. >You look towards your saviour
  530. >Lyra stands in the doorway, the sunlight from the bedroom window giving her an almost divine look
  531. >She floats you over to her and puts you down
  532.  
  533. 17/?
  534.  
  535. >You watch as Dog violates Rarity next to the toilet
  536. >He barks and pants as she screams
  537. >Dog always was stronger than he looked
  538. How did you both find me anyway?
  539. >"Hobo sense"
  540. >Ah. Of course.
  541. >You and Lyra wait for him to finish, leaving Rarity sobbing on the floor and covered in dog semen
  542. Good Dog.
  543. >"Bark."
  544. >You nod at him and you all walk out the bathroom
  545. >You walk down the stairs and past Sweetie Belle
  546. >She jumps up and beams
  547. >"Hi! I'm Sweetie Belle! P-please don't tell my sister I said anything..."
  548. >She looks glumly at the floor
  549. >You look at Lyra
  550. >She looks at you
  551.  
  552. >5 minutes later, you, Lyra, Dog and Sweetie Belle are sat down the alley. Eating beans out of a can
  553. >Sweetie Belle can barely contain her excitement
  554. >"This is so much fun! I never get to eat beans at Rarity's!"
  555. >Dog licks her and she giggles
  556. >Lyra plays her harmonica
  557. >Wait
  558. Where the hell did you get that?
  559. >"I won it in a drunken brawl after we split. Some red stallion thought he was hot shit"
  560. So what did you do?
  561. >"I cut him and stole his harmonica."
  562. Nice.
  563. >She continues to play, you tap your foot and smile
  564. >Your arm still burns from the chemicals, but in a way, it looks good on you
  565. >A single clean part of your body will be a tale to tell to other travellers in the days ahead
  566.  
  567. 18/?
  568.  
  569. >And so it came to pass that Anonymous, Lyra, Dog and Sweetie Belle became the 4-Vagabonds. A travelling band of misfits who would travel from town to town, playing music and stealing music instruments from innocent ponies.
  570. >Sweetie Belle was eventually taught Hobo-speak, and took to the Hobo life like a duck to water
  571. >Lyra managed to steal an entire drum kit, after getting into a fist fight with the heavy metal band "Deathklop", while they were still playing at a concert. She killed 3 of them on stage and stole the drumkit in a daring escape that shocked the tabloids and earned her the name "The Freshmaker"
  572. >Dog knocked up a local farmer's bitch, called Winona. She now looks after 5 puppies, patiently waiting for the day her Dog in Furry Armour comes back to sweep her off her paws
  573. >Anon found a new pair of shoes lying on the side of the road.
  574.  
  575. >They made a damn good meal.
  576.  
  577. 19/19
  578. The End.
  579.  
  580. Based on this, courtesy of the Flutterrape Skype Circlejerk. (Note, 24/12/20: The pastebin link no longer works, sadly; I don't know what it was or where I would find it.)
  581. Part 2: ponepaste.org/817
/FLUTTERRAPE/

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