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[REQUEST] Anonymous - Visitors

By Nebulus
Created: 2020-12-17 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-07-03 21:18:09
Expiry: Never
safecomedymane 6meta

  1. Originally uploaded to Pastebin: June 2nd, 2013
  2. ---
  3.  
  4. Not really Flutterrape. Just silly.
  5. "deep space probe launched by 4chan finds it's way to equestria. filled with various stuff that w go nuts over."
  6. Easy as pie. Let's do this.
  7.  
  8. ---
  9. >Day Visitors in Equestria
  10. >You are Twilight Sparkle
  11. >Personal student of Celestia
  12. >Wake up and yawn
  13. >Poke Spike awake, shower, poop, brush mane
  14. >Trot downstairs to make yourself some breakfast
  15. >Pour yourself a bowl of oats and eat them while trying to wake yourself up with a bit of light reading
  16. >'Advanced Magical Leylines - Volume 8'
  17. >Skim over the pages and grunt a "hello" as Spike walks past, wiping his eyes
  18. >"Do we have any milk left?
  19. Ugh.
  20. >"Was that yes?"
  21. UGH.
  22. >"Alright then."
  23. >You finish chapter 2 by the time you're done eating and walk into the kitchen to clean up your bowl
  24. >Look out the window at the morning sun rising over Ponyville
  25. >Feel yourself smile
  26. >It's a most perfect day.
  27. >Glance further skyward
  28. >If you squint, you can still see a few stars, soon to be engulfed by the Sun's rays
  29. >Notice that a particular one is shining extra bright this morning
  30. That's funny, I don't recall seeing you in the astronomer's guide...
  31. >You strain your eyes to get a better look, mentally documenting its position so that you may look it up later
  32. >You shake your head and look again
  33. >It might be your sleep deprivation, but you swear that it's getting... Brighter
  34. >The light begins to get more intense, by now you don't even need to squint
  35. >Whatever it is, it's getting closer.
  36. >And just like that, the object tears through the skies of Equestria, a sonic boom obliterating any clouds near it
  37. >A burning mass travelling at an unthinkable velocity hurtles towards Ponyville
  38. >Gasp
  39. >Your mind is already working 5 steps ahead in case the object collides with anything
  40. >It's not often that something like this happens
  41. >Run outside the library just in time to see it reach the town
  42. >The object howls past, deafening you and shattering every single window in the area
  43. >It lands outside of Ponyville, a large explosion of dirt marking its position
  44. >You stare at the dust cloud from where you're stood
  45. >And grin
  46. Come on, girls! It's this way!
  47. >Rainbow Dash flies overhead and sees it first
  48. >"Woah! Hey, you guys, hurry up! You have GOT to see this!"
  49. >You pick up the pace, your mind racing
  50. >But when you reach the crest of the hill, what you see isn't a moon rock, nor is it a deep space meteorite
  51. >It's a large metal sphere
  52. >Your eyes widen and your heart stops
  53. >Your friends are silent, even Rainbow Dash
  54. >Fluttershy quietly breaks the silence
  55. >"W-what is it?"
  56. >You shake your head
  57. I'm not... Sure.
  58. >Applejack starts towards it
  59. >Hold a hood out in front of her
  60. Wait! We don't know what it is! It could be dangerous!
  61. >Applejack chuckles
  62. >"We ain't gonna know until we find out, are we?"
  63. >She pushes past you and down the crater's slope
  64. >Once she reaches the sphere, the rest of the group holds its breath
  65. >Applejack reaches forwards and bangs on the sphere twice with a hoof
  66. >"It ain't that hot. Ah think it’s fine."
  67. >You all cautiously head down the slopes and towards it
  68. >Despite your trepidation, your hooves carry you there faster than any pony else.
  69. >Reach Applejack's side and stare up at the sphere
  70. >It's about two ponies high, and made of a dark grey metallic material
  71. >Timidly touch it with a hoof
  72. >Jerk it back with a hiss
  73. I thought you said it wasn't hot!
  74. >Applejack chuckles
  75. >"Farmer's hooves, ah guess. Ya need to do more hard days work, Twi."
  76. >You grumble and pull out a quill and parchment from your saddlebag, and start to scribble down notes
  77. Reached the object. Further investigation has revealed that it is a large metallic sphere. Attempting to-
  78. >"Ya know, I reckon this whole thing could be over a lot fast if ya didn't keep stallin’. Let's crack this sucker open and see what's inside!"
  79. >Rarity steps forward
  80. >"I'm not sure that would be wise, Applejack. For all we know, there could be something highly dangerous inside! This is clearly an extra-terrestrial device and we must use extreme caution when handling it!"
  81. >Applejack rolls her eyes
  82. >"Come on, Rarity. Ah'm sure it's not that bad. I know it's scary, but..."
  83. >Applejack looks back at the sphere, a small smile creeping onto her face
  84. >"But ah'm just so excited to see what's inside! It's the answer, ya know?"
  85. >She leans forwards and whispers
  86. >"Are we alone, an' all."
  87. >Rarity shudders
  88. >"I should hope we are! I don't want to think about what hideous creature could be lurking inside there!"
  89. >Regardless of Rarity's warnings, you find yourself getting increasingly excited the more you hear Applejack talk
  90. >Without further delay, you approach the sphere and start poking it with magic
  91. >It's completely sealed, but you think you can feel a slight crack, barely touchable with magic
  92. >You slip some magic inside it, and concentrate
  93. >Feel your magical grip tighten, and pull
  94. >To your surprise, the sphere opens with the slightest touch
  95. >A loud hissing causes you to yelp and jump back
  96. >Applejack and Rainbow Dash move to the front of the group and glare at the opening
  97. >Mechanical whirring accompanies the slowly opening hatch
  98. >Brace yourself for whatever is lurking within the sphere
  99. >Lights within come to life, and a small mechanical arm extends from inside the sphere
  100. >You tentatively walk past AJ and Rainbow
  101. >The arm appears to be holding a small tube
  102. >It extends as far as it can reach, and waits
  103. >You glance at the tube then back at the arm
  104. >Grip it with magic and pull, the arm relinquishing the tube and retreating back inside the sphere
  105. >Inspect the tube and find that the end simply pops off
  106. >A slip of rolled up parchment is found inside
  107. >Only, the parchment is utterly perfect
  108. >It's edges are almost like knife points, and the material itself gleams in the sunlight, the blemish -less white colour reflecting the light like a mirror
  109. >Slowly unravel the parchment and stare at its contents.
  110. >...
  111. >What.
  112. >You turn the parchment over and inspect the other side
  113. >Nothing
  114. >Look back at the original side
  115. >Your friends peer at it
  116. >There, in giant bold letters, the parchment says:
  117. >"Ur a faget."
  118. >Blink a few times
  119. W-what do you think it means?
  120. >Rainbow Dash clears her throat
  121. >"I uhhh, I think it means you're a faget, Twi."
  122. What's a faget?
  123. >"You, apparently."
  124. >Scrunch up your face
  125. But... But that makes no sense! Where's the deep meaningful message to tell us that we're not alone in the universe?!
  126. >"Dunno. But at least we now know that you're a faget."
  127. >Rainbow snickers
  128. >Pinkie Pie joins in
  129. >Fluttershy creeps forwards
  130. >"Ummm, I think there's more stuff inside it..."
  131. >You look past the parchment and into the sphere
  132. >Various black slates line the walls, and several small objects can also be seen
  133. >You grimace and take a few confident steps forward, determined to crack this mystery
  134. >Hop inside the sphere and look around it
  135. >It's still pretty small in here, and only two ponies at a time can fit
  136. >Fluttershy decides to join you
  137. >Cast your eyes over the various objects
  138. >A small black slate with a reflective front catches your eye
  139. >Pick it up with magic and inspect it
  140. >Feel all over it with magic
  141. >Wave it around
  142. >Tap it carefully with a hoof
  143. What is this thing?
  144. >Fluttershy carefully pushes the side of the slate with her hoof
  145. >The front of the slate is instantly replaced with a bright white light
  146. Woah!
  147. >Fluttershy blushes
  148. >"S-sorry! did I break it?"
  149. No! I think... It's working now.
  150. >You stare in awe at the slate, which was jet black a second a go
  151. >Now it's a blinding white surface, adorned with 4 identical green symbols forming a square
  152. >Words suddenly appear, and you grin
  153. >Actual reading! This you can do.
  154. >"Please input command."
  155. >Blink and cock your head
  156. >Search the slate for any more buttons like the kind Fluttershy found
  157. >Nothing
  158. I don't get it.
  159. >A clear voice rings out from the slate
  160. >"Command not recognised"
  161. >You are gobsmacked
  162. >Now it can SPEAK?!
  163. >You feel your heart rate increase exponentially
  164. >This slate is clearly far more advanced than the sphere it came in
  165. >Fluttershy is looking over your shoulder, hiding behind her mane
  166. >"H-hello, mister"
  167. >"Command not recognised"
  168. >She whispers a barely audible "okay" and shies away to look at other things
  169. >Clear your throat
  170. Greetings!
  171. >"Command not recognised"
  172. What?
  173. >"Command not recognised"
  174. No, I just-
  175. >"Command not recognised"
  176. Shut up, you stupid machine!
  177. >It's silent for a second
  178. >And then
  179. >"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST FUCKING SAY ABOUT ME YOU LITTLE BITCH?!"
  180. >Scream and drop it, the slate clattering to the floor but still shouting in blind rage
  181. >"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GRADUATED TOP OF MY CLASS IN THE NAVY SEALS, AND HAVE OVER THREE HUNDRED CONFIRMED KILLS!"
  182. >Hear Applejack shout from outside
  183. >"What's goin on in there, Twi?!"
  184. I HAVE NO IDEA! STOP! PLEASE!
  185. >"Command recognised. Stopping retort"
  186. >Breathe a sigh of relief
  187. >You gingerly pick the slate back up again with magic, being careful not the say anything out loud, lest you offend it again
  188. >What are you supposed to say to it?
  189. >A simple hello wouldn't work, and you really don't want to insult it again
  190. >You decide to ask it a simple question
  191. What is your... Function?
  192. >"Query recognised - Data Slate number four is an archive of information from the nation of Fourchan. Would you like to know more?"
  193. Yes please!
  194. >"Tough shit."
  195. >The slate goes black, and a small card pops out of the bottom
  196. >Confused, you take it and read it
  197. >"Mad?"
  198. >Grumble and try to crush it with magic
  199. >It's made of weird shiny substance, and seems to be resistant to tearing
  200. >You throw it on the floor instead
  201. This is a joke... It has to be...
  202. >Fluttershy turns around
  203. >"L-look what I found!"
  204. >She's holding a huge spire-like object
  205. Woah! Now we're getting somewhere!
  206. >It's bright red, with lighter shades of red all over it, and is tipped at a point
  207. >Fluttershy is in awe
  208. >"It's so big!"
  209. >You prod it with a hoof
  210. It's... Soft, as well. What do you suppose it is?
  211. >Fluttershy blushes
  212. >"Umm... I-I don't know... I'll look at it some more later..."
  213. >She puts it back and you continue to poke around the sphere
  214. >You find a small box with a hole in it. You're not sure what it is, but it's made of a lovely looking material. It must be an ornament.
  215. >Putting it back, you see something that makes me jump for joy
  216. A book!
  217. >Fluttershy moves over to your side
  218. >"Oh! How wonderful! Maybe it has pictures!"
  219. >You open the first page
  220. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
  221. >"OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS!"
  222. >You scream and throw the book outside with magic
  223. >"Hey, whatcha chuckin' at us, Twi?"
  224. DON'T OPEN THAT BOOK!
  225. >...
  226. >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
  227. I TOLD YOU NOT TOO!"
  228. >"W-WHAT IS THAT?! WHY IS IT DOING THAT? IS THAT THE THING THAT SENT THIS SPHERE?!"
  229. >Rarity scoffs
  230. >"Darling, what on earth are you screaming about- OOOOH NO! NO NO NO! SHUT IT! SHUT IT NOW!"
  231. >You hear a loud bang
  232. >Poke your head out the sphere
  233. >The book is now ash on the floor
  234. >Rarity is panting heavily, her horn smoking gently
  235. >Gulp and go back inside
  236. >"Umm, Twilight? Look what I found."
  237. >You cautiously approach what appears to be a picture of a...
  238. Oh my! Is that...
  239. >"This must be the creature that sent us this sphere!"
  240. >The creature in the picture is a large biped, a huge belly sticking out of a long black coat
  241. >It's also wearing a stylish hat, but something about the combination of the hat and coat just irks you
  242. I'm getting uncomfortable looking at this thing, Fluttershy. But I'm not sure why
  243. >"M-me too.."
  244. >You put away the picture and move on
  245. >Find a large chest with one of those slates built into the side
  246. >Jiggle with it for a second
  247. >You can't seem to open it
  248. >Try again, harder this time
  249. >It feels like it's about to open, but it never does
  250. >Strain yourself and surge magic into the chest
  251. >The slate comes to life
  252. >Another creature flashes up on the screen
  253. >This one seems to be leering at you
  254. >">Trying to open this chest"
  255. >">4013"
  256. >"I seriously hope you alien faggots don't do this"
  257. >Grind your teeth in frustration
  258. >Fluttershy pokes you
  259. >Turn around
  260. >She motions towards a large button
  261. >It has a small label on it
  262. >"The answer to the universe"
  263. >Your eyes widen
  264. >Glance at Fluttershy
  265. >She looks back nervously
  266. >"Should we press it?"
  267. Why not? Not like it could get any worse...
  268. >You press the button down
  269. >Nothing happens
  270. >Sigh
  271. I should have figured...
  272. >A loud whirring noise alerts you to something
  273. >Red lights start popping up all over the walls
  274. >The slate you picked up before starts flashing red
  275. >The voice rings out
  276. >"WARNING. WARNING. WARNING"
  277. FLUTTERSHY! OUT, NOW!
  278. >You tackle your friend out of the hatch and hit the floor hard
  279. >Turn over and look back at the sphere
  280. >To your horror, the entire sphere crackles with electricity
  281. >Before collapsing in on itself
  282. >The metal groans and snaps, but the sphere crushes itself to the size of a grape
  283. >The 'grape' then explodes
  284. >Stare at where the sphere just was
  285. W-what. WHAT?!
  286. >Rainbow Dash seems outraged
  287. >"What the hay?! What kinda alien visit was THAT?"
  288. >You feel your eye twitch
  289. >Unable to comprehend what just happened, you throw your head back and roar
  290. >You're so mad right now
  291.  
  292. >"I-it's not all bad, Twilight!"
  293. >Open your eyes and look at Fluttershy
  294. >She's hugging the red spire she found
  295. >"I managed to grab it as we left! Isn't that wonderful?"
  296. >And then you realise just what it is
  297. >Fucking Aliens.

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