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[FLUTTERRAPE] Necromancer Anon

By Nebulus
Created: 2021-07-16 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-07-03 21:29:37
Expiry: Never
anonfluttershyocdarksafecomedy/flutterrape/

  1. Originally uploaded to Pastebin: June 22nd, 2013
  2. ---
  3.  
  4. >Day Morbid in Equestria
  5. >You are Anon
  6. >Madman
  7. >Wake up
  8. >Shit, shower, shave
  9. >Stroll over to the window and throw back the curtains
  10. >A small town can be seen from it
  11. >Ponyville, to be exact
  12. >You hated going there, since you preferred your little cosy cottage
  13. >Being a hermit was awesome
  14. >Especially since the peace and quiet gave you ample time to work on your creations
  15. >What creations, I hear you ask, dear reader?
  16. >You walk into your kitchen and over to the large wooden door in the corner
  17. >Several giant metal locks keep it nice and shut
  18. >Wouldn't want the unfathomable horror that lies within to escape and wreak havoc upon the unsuspecting masses
  19. >...Yet
  20. >Grab a small burlap sack full of food off the table next to the door
  21. >Gulp
  22. >And undo all the locks
  23. >The door creaks open
  24. >The stench of death instantly fills your nostrils
  25. >You're used to it though
  26. >Walk down the steps and turn on the lights
  27. >A hideous creature of insurmountable revulsion stumbles into the light
  28. >It inspires fear into your heart
  29. >Truly, you are a monster for creating such a vile and sinful creati-
  30. >"Oh, hi, Anon. Is it morning already?"
  31. >...
  32. >You wish she would act more like a monster sometimes
  33. "Mornin', Grubs."
  34. >Grubs stretches
  35. >Her front leg's stitches come undone and it falls to the floor
  36. >You both stare at it
  37. >"Uhh, you can fix that, right?"
  38. >Huff and stroll past her
  39. "Of course I can, you foolish minion!"
  40. >"That was uncalled for, Anonymous."
  41. "...Sorry. But I'd like it if you at least TRIED to act like a brainless drone"
  42. >Grubs sniffs, a worm pokes it's head out of her grey/green cheek before ducking back inside
  43. >She takes no notice of it
  44. >"Well I might act brainless if I wasn't completely aware of my surroundings. Which reminds me, can I go outside now?"
  45. "NO! You aren't ready."
  46. >"For what?"
  47. "I'm going to turn you into a brutal killing machine, then unleash you on Ponyville and watch in glee as you butcher the innocents!"
  48. >"Why?"
  49. "Because when I first got here, they had a party and didn't invite me"
  50. >She blinks a few times
  51. >Her eye falls out
  52. >You pick it up and pop it back in, then watch as it slowly rolls around back into it's original position
  53. >"That's kinda foalish, Anon"
  54. "S-shut up."
  55. >"For an insane hermit necrolord, you're a bit... Beta"
  56. "SHUT UP. HAVE SOME BREAKFAST"
  57. >Throw the sack at her
  58. >It's bloodied contents spill to the floor
  59. >The intestines of a freshly killed animal pour onto the ston-
  60. >It's cabbage, alright?
  61. >You were too scared to kill an innocent animal, so you just stole a cabbage from some hick with a farm hat
  62. >She was mad as hell
  63. >Grubs chews on the cabbage in delight
  64. >You walk over to your table and sit down to work on your newest creation
  65. >Something more... Compliant with orders
  66. >Grubs was the first attempt, she's only 3 days old.
  67. >You dug her up from a nearby cemetery and worked your magic on her
  68. >When she came around, she didn't know who she was, but was still capable of coherent thought.
  69. >She finishes her breakfast and trots on over to you, looking over your shoulder while you sit on your tiny wooden stool and scribble some formulas on some paper
  70. >She slowly swallows her last bit of breakfast and nudges you
  71. >"Whatcha workin' on?"
  72. "A new monster. Something that will blindly follow my orders and not answer me back like YOU"
  73. >Prod her with your quill
  74. >She smirks
  75. >"So you want a slave? Wow, I didn't think you were into that kind of stuff"
  76. "Shush. Or I won't reattach your leg."
  77. >"When exactly are you going to do that?"
  78. "When I deem you worthy enough."
  79. >"..."
  80. "I-I don't have any more string..."
  81. >"You going to head into town and steal some again?"
  82. "Yes."
  83. >"When?"
  84. "Right now"
  85. >"Do it then"
  86. "I will!"
  87. >"Go!"
  88. "I AM DOING!"
  89. >You stand up and storm out of the basement
  90. >"AND BRING BACK SOME MORE CABBAGE!"
  91. >Slam the door shut and lock it
  92. >Stupid fucking zombie servant not listening to orders
  93. >Walk through the tall grass towards the town, the sun shining on your neck as you look at your feet while you walk
  94. >Soon. They'll all perish soon.
  95. >...That party looked like so much fun
  96. >You reach the outskirts of town and start sneaking
  97. >Make a break for the large clothes shop, which is luckily out of the way in terms of other buildings
  98. >Dive into a bush and look around
  99. >No one noticed you
  100. >Reminds you of your romantic life
  101. >Ha! Good one, brain!
  102. >Aaaand now you're sad
  103. >With a glum look upon your mug you peek through a window
  104. >Observe the shop owner mill about, stitching this and that while seemingly singing to herself
  105. >Watch her needlework intently
  106. >You need to learn how to do that. Grubs' leg has fallen off 4 times in the short time she's been alive
  107. >The damn thing just won't stay on.
  108. >You're tempted to melt the skin together. Not like she can feel pain
  109. >She might not approve of you attacking her with fire though
  110. >Grubs may be a servant, but she's got a mean slapping hoof
  111. >The shop pony exits the room, leaving a large spool of pink string on the floor
  112. >You were told her name once, when you got here, but you've already forgotten it
  113. >It's been like, a year since you got here
  114. >You've spent most of that time fixing up the hut you found outside town and researching the wonders of necromancy
  115. >But now is not the time for memories. It's the time for theft
  116. >You sprint around the side of the shop to the front and burst through the door
  117. >Grab the string
  118. >Run your ass out of there before the pony can reappear
  119. >"Hello? Is any pony there?"
  120. >Too slow, shop-horse. You're like a phantom
  121. >Chuckle and scurry towards the tall grass as you have done a hundred times before
  122. >Turn and look back at the shop window
  123. >The pony is looking confused
  124. >Another successful heist
  125. >You plod through the grass on the way back to your hut, clutching the thread spool in one hand
  126. >The sounds of birds chirping accompanies you
  127. >You lazily trudge homewards and pay no mind to the pony that steps out in front of you
  128. >Wonder why the world is moving so fast
  129. >Slam down on your front
  130. >It knocks the wind out of you and your thread goes flying
  131. >Rub your head and stand up
  132. >Look at what you tripped over
  133. >A small yellow pegasus is nursing her leg and looking sorry for herself
  134. >She sees you and freezes
  135. >You gulp, not sure what to do
  136. >Not so stealthy after all, genius
  137. >The pony slowly takes a step forwards, a nervous look on her face
  138. >"Umm... H-hello?"
  139. >Your eyes dart around for the thread
  140. >Can't find it
  141. >"I-is this yours?"
  142. >The pony offers up the spool on her hoof, giving a small smile along with it
  143. >Snatch it and nod
  144. "Thankyougoodbye"
  145. >Take off running back to your hut
  146. >Grubs will be thrilled to hear about your conversation with the pony
  147.  
  148. "So I says to her "Fuck you, you filthy pegasus. Why don't you go back to pegasusdale or whatever the shit that place is called". Fucking Pegasi, right?"
  149. >Grubs' face is completely deadpan
  150. >Ironic, given that she's technically dead
  151. >"That never happened, did it, Anon?"
  152. "N-no."
  153. >She sighs and nudges her dismembered limb towards you with her muzzle
  154. >"Could you please reattach my leg?"
  155. "Fine, fine... Don't know why I bother talking to you anyway"
  156. >"Because I'm the only pony you CAN talk to?"
  157. "Shush."
  158. >You sit down on your stool and lay Grubs over your lap
  159. >She goes still and patiently waits for you to stitch her leg back on
  160. >The worm from before makes a reappearance
  161. "You gonna get rid of that worm?"
  162. >"No. I like him"
  163. "He's gross"
  164. >"You're a terrible necrolord, you know that?"
  165. "I'm better than you"
  166. >"That's not... Whatever."
  167. >You finish stitching the leg and turn to your undead minion
  168. "Alright, Grubs. Here's the plan."
  169. >Jab a finger at the papers on your desk
  170. "If we're going to level this pathetic town and reforge it in undeath, we'll need these ingredients"
  171. >She looks over the papers
  172. >"I have no idea what any of these things mean."
  173. >You look at the papers
  174. >It's upside down
  175. >God dammit
  176. >Turn it the right way up
  177. >"Ooooh, that seems easy enough. But uhh, I think this might be a problem."
  178. >She points at your most critical material
  179. >Peer at it
  180. >Scrunch up your nose and look back at her
  181. "And what -exactly- is so hard about getting hold of twenty five cadavers?"
  182. >She gives you an "Are you actually serious" look
  183. "You'll just have to go to the cemetery where I got you!"
  184. >"...What do you mean 'me'?"
  185. "You don't seriously think that I'm going to get my hands filthy digging up bodies, do you?""
  186. >She scowls at you
  187. >Pat her on the head
  188. >Her eye falls out
  189. >Push it back in her skull
  190. "Good girl. Chop chop! Or I'll kill you and reanimate you."
  191. >"You won't do that because you don't know how, you bloody ape"
  192. >Ouch.
  193. >"And what are you going to be doing anyway?"
  194. "Getting the other ingredients of course! I'll have to 'neutralise' several targets in order to get them safely, though."
  195. >"You're going to run into town and steal them again, aren't you?"
  196. "Yes."
  197. >"You're not going to hurt a fly, and are instead going to run around screaming if you get caught, aren't you?"
  198. "Y-yes."
  199. >"Alright then. When are we doin-"
  200. >Knock knock knock
  201. >You stare at your minion
  202. "...Did you just say 'knock knock knock'?"
  203. >"No."
  204. >She turns her head slightly and raises an eyebrow
  205. >"I... I think you might have a visitor"
  206. >Your brain struggles to process this
  207. "What should I do?"
  208. >Knock knock knock
  209. >"Probably answer the door."
  210. "But I've never had a visitor! What should I say?"
  211. >"I don't know! I've never left this damn basement!"
  212. "Oh yeah. C-can you come up with me?"
  213. >"What, so that if things go wrong I can take care of them and tick one cadaver off your list?"
  214. "Well more as a sort of 'security blanket', but sure, that as well"
  215. >She shakes her head and trots towards the stairs
  216. >"The shit I put up with..."
  217. >Push past her, laughing nervously
  218. "Uhh, I think I'll take the lead, thank you very much, minion."
  219. >She rolls her eyes
  220. >Luckily none of them fall out again
  221. >You walk upstairs and towards the door
  222. >Your palms are sweaty
  223. >Knees weak
  224. >Arms are heavy
  225. >Reach it and look back at your minion, who is looking at you from the top of the basement stairs
  226. >She points a hoof at the door and jerks her head to the side
  227. >Gulp
  228. >Open the door
  229. >Look down
  230. >The pegasus is there
  231. >Uh oh
  232. >You both stare at each other for a good while
  233. >A gentle breeze drifts on by
  234. >Shuffle nervously
  235. "Can I help you?"
  236. >"Umm... My name is Fluttershy."
  237. >She takes a step forwards
  238. >"What's yours?"
  239. >Look to the left
  240. >Grubs draws a hoof across her neck then gives you a quizzical look
  241. >Shake your head
  242. >Turn back to Fluttershy
  243. "Anonymous. And I don't want to buy anything. Good bye."
  244. >Slam the door
  245. >Lean against it
  246. >Listen closely
  247. >Hear a defeated sigh and the flap of wings
  248. >Grubs tentatively steps out into the kitchen
  249. >"Is she gone?"
  250. "I think so"
  251. >She looks around
  252. >"So this is where you live... I thought it would have been dirtier"
  253. "I'll have you know that I'm a very clean person!"
  254. >"And since when did a necrolord concern himself with keeping things neat and tidy?"
  255. >She looks towards your expensive dishes that you stole
  256. >They looked nice and no one else seemed to want them
  257. >Grubs snickers
  258. >"Nice plates, oh lord-of-darkness"
  259. "SHUT UP AND GET BACK IN THE BASEMENT, WHELP"
  260. >"Nah, I think I'll stay up here. It's been ages since I saw the sun"
  261. "Fine. Well you can at least help me create my monster while you're up here."
  262. >"Sounds good. Wait, you wanted me to dig up bodies, so I would have come up here anyway. Why are you so concerned about me-"
  263. "STOP POKING HOLES IN MY LOGIC. YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE FULLY SELF AWARE WHEN I MADE YOU."
  264. >"Why didn't you just kill me and try again then?"
  265. "imscaredofblud"
  266. >"What?"
  267. "Nothing."
  268. >You both head down into the basement and plan until nightfall
  269. >Grubs' stomach growls
  270. "How do you even get hungry?"
  271. >"It's plant matter or you, milord. Choose which one or else I will"
  272. "Okay! Fine! We'll steal some apples on the way to the graveyard"
  273. >"So you're coming with me then?"
  274. "I need to make sure you don't get the wrong kind of bodies"
  275. >She squints at you
  276. >"That's a terrible excuse. What's the real reason?"
  277. >...
  278. "No reason at all. Don't question my authority."
  279. >She mustn't know that you're also scared of the dark.
  280. >You both fetch some spades and head out of the front door, a full moon hangs overhead, occasionally being shrouded by clouds
  281. >A cold wind chills you to the bone
  282. >Grubs just seems thrilled to be outside
  283. >"I forgot how nice it is out here!"
  284. "Zombies can't appreciate beauty. Stop trying to."
  285. >She sticks her tongue out at you
  286. >It's all rotten and covered in scabs
  287. >Eww
  288. >The darkness is giving you the heeby-jeebies, so you pick up the pace towards the cemetery
  289. >Grubs trots along behind you obediently
  290. >"Isn't this nice? No one's giving each other orders. Just you, me, the moon and a plan."
  291. "Ugh. Be quiet, or I'll give you an order."
  292. >"You just did, then"
  293. >God dammit.
  294. >Reach the graveyard. Tombstones and statues cover the small hill
  295. >Walk up to the peak and survey your surroundings
  296. >Look down at a marked grave
  297. >"Here lies Yellow Belly. Father, Husband, Beloved Coward"
  298. "And now he's gonna be a monster."
  299. >Drive your spade into the soft earth and begin the unholy harvest
  300.  
  301. >5 hours and a lot of panting later, you and Grubs lie with your backs against a tombstone
  302. >Look at the 25 bodies you managed to uncover
  303. "Well, we did that in record time."
  304. >"There was a record for digging up dead bodies?"
  305. "Shut up"
  306. >Grubs clicks her tongue
  307. >"So how are we gonna get them back to the shack without anyone seeing? It's nearly dawn."
  308. >Look around
  309. >It does look like it's getting lighter
  310. >Peer at your shack, located at the other side of town
  311. >Critical mission error.
  312. >Look around in a sudden panic
  313. >Squint at something lying in the road
  314. >Scramble to your feet and run down to inspect it, Grubs following you with a nonchalant expression
  315. >"I don't think I've ever seen you run that fast bef-"
  316. "SHUT UP."
  317. >You run a hand over the wooden cart lying on it's side
  318. >With some effort, you push it back on it's wheels
  319. >Seems sturdy enough
  320. >Turn to your undead abomination
  321. "Alright, I have a plan. But it -might- be a bit risky"
  322. >"Anon. This is insane."
  323. "Shush! No one has stopped us yet!"
  324. >You walk through Ponyville, pulling the cart behind you
  325. >A large sheet hastily stitched together with pink thread and burial wraps covers the mountain of corpses in your cart
  326. >2 fillies run around in front of you, laughing
  327. >You feel your brow getting sweaty
  328. >Glance at Grubs
  329. >She's wearing something that looks like an Islamic burqa
  330. >Only it's white, covered in dirt and smells like death
  331. >You're half-way through the town, and the sun has just come up
  332. >Ponies are early birds, so there are already a great number of them walking around minding their own business
  333. >Your arms feel like lead from pulling this thing
  334. >But it will all be worth it!
  335. >God help you if you get caught
  336. >"Hello there, Anonymous!"
  337. >Freeze
  338. >Look at the yellow pegasus, hovering next to you
  339. >She smiles sheepishly
  340. >"I don't think I've ever seen you around town before... W-would you like me to show you around?"
  341. "Uhh, no, thank you. I know my way around quite well"
  342. >Hoist the cart's handles to get a better grip and carry on pulling, your feet carrying you faster due to nerves
  343. >Fluttershy doesn't let up, and flies after you
  344. >"Would you like some help? I mean, if you want, that is."
  345. "Quite fine."
  346. >"I l-like your clothes..."
  347. "Thank you."
  348. >"But why are they covered in mud?"
  349. >Look down
  350. >You forgot that you're covered it mud, sweat and grime from your most recent cadaver heist
  351. "Uhhh-"
  352. >"We're mud farmers!"
  353. >Based Grubs.
  354. >Grubs hops down from her perch just behind you
  355. >She walks up to Fluttershy and grabs her hoof, shaking it vigorously
  356. >Fluttershy is clearly shaken
  357. >"Oh-uhm. I-I, I'm Fluttershy..."
  358. >Grubs laughs
  359. >"Pleasure to meet you, Fluttershy! I'm sure you've met Anon before, I'm his... Uhh, wife. Rote Ing."
  360. >Fluttershy cocks her name
  361. >"That's a um... Odd name..."
  362. >Grubs nods solemnly
  363. >"Yes, that it is. My parents were..."
  364. >She trails off
  365. >Then looks at you
  366. "They were... Crack addicts!"
  367. >Both ponies stare at you
  368. >Fluttershy is the first to speak
  369. >"Umm. Crack?"
  370. >Shit. They don't have crack in Equestria
  371. "Oh yes, dangerous and horrible drug from far away. Made you crazy. They were addicting to the stuff and gave their daughter a rubbish name, haha!"
  372. >Grubs catches on, and places a hoof on your leg
  373. >"Yes! That's right! But Anon looked past that and saw me for who I am and so now we are husband and wife!"
  374. >You both give Fluttershy the fakest smiles imaginable
  375. >She's rather unnerved
  376. >"Oh... Umm... Okay. Married? Oh..."
  377. >She gets a glum look and flies away
  378. >Grubs smiles up at you
  379. >Well, you THINK she's smiling. Can't see because of the burqa
  380. >"Nice thinking, Anon. We're on the home stretch. Now get us home."
  381. "Yes, Ma'am"
  382. >Pick up the cart
  383. >Realise what you just said
  384. "I mean, minion. SHUT UP!"
  385. >Grumble as Grubs laughs at you
  386. >Drag the cart all the way to the outskirts of the town, surprisingly, no one else bothered you
  387. >Grubs looks back at the town as you leave it
  388. >"Well I'll be. That wasn't so bad at all!"
  389. >She takes off her headscarf. He rotting face on show to no one but the sun and the birds
  390. >You can almost hear her smiling
  391. >"H-hello again"
  392. >You can almost hear her yelping and cramming her head back inside the cloth
  393. >Chuckle
  394. >Silly Grubs.
  395. >Turn your head as you pull the cart up the path and look at Fluttershy
  396. >"Um. I know you said that you're uhh, married. But do you think it would maybe be possible if you could be so kind as to consider maybe umm..."
  397. >She starts getting flustered and flies off
  398. >Look over at Grubs
  399. >She shrugs and cautiously moves a hoof to pull off her headscarf again
  400. >"Okay, I'll t-try again"
  401. >Grubs lets out a groan
  402. >Fluttershy, once more, hovers alongside you
  403. >"Umm. I've been thinking about you ever since we met that day!"
  404. "Okay."
  405. >"I-it's like fate planted us on the same path!"
  406. "Ya-huh"
  407. >"B-but I know that your wife won't be too pleased. So umm"
  408. >She moves in uncomfortably close, seemingly unphased by the smell of death surrounding you
  409. >...Oh hey, that might explain why no one else came near you. And why people were shutting their doors and windows when you walked on by
  410. >Awesome
  411. >Fluttershy whispers in your ear
  412. >"W-we could keep it a secret. D-does that sound like fun?"
  413. >Remove a hand from a handle and push her away
  414. "Sounds lovely. But I errr."
  415. >Look over at the hideous zombie wearing a burqa, who is also probably laughing silently at you
  416. "I... Love my... Wife?"
  417. >As expected, Grubs snickers
  418. >"I love you too, darling. Maybe we can have some fun tonight"
  419. >OH GOD WHY
  420. >You feel your stomach do a back flip at the thought
  421. >Fluttershy's eyes widen
  422. >"F-fun? Do you mean like..."
  423. >She looks left and right then whispers again
  424. >"Sex?"
  425. >Grubs doesn't even hide her guffaw
  426. >You sigh
  427. "Yes. Sex. With my wife."
  428. >Shudder
  429. >Fluttershy blushes heavily
  430. >"Ohmygoodness. I-I've never talked about sex before!"
  431. >She moves in close
  432. >"Umm. What's it like?"
  433. >Hell if you know. You were hardly a womaniser back home
  434. >Grubs is in hysterics
  435. >"He-... Jusgimmieasec... He's a real monster in bed!"
  436. >Fluttershy 'ooos'
  437. >You feel your rage building
  438. >Grubs continues
  439. >"This one time, he was boning me so hard, I thought I would..."
  440. >She squeaks and tries to compose herself for the incredibly predictable and unfunny punchline
  441. >"I-I thought I would. DIE!"
  442. >She thrashes around on the pile, screaming with laughter
  443. "You know, DARLING. You're quite FUNNY."
  444. >Grubs chokes on her own laughter
  445. >"I-I know I am, dear! That's why I do it! After all, comedy is your fetish!"
  446. >More laughter
  447. >Sigh and look at Fluttershy
  448. >She's giving you a bizarre look
  449. >"It's... Your fetish?"
  450. "Uhhh-"
  451. >"I-is that what turns you on? Comedy?"
  452. "I-"
  453. >"Oh my... Umm. W-will you be at home later today?"
  454. >Grubs descends into more laughter
  455. >"Of course he will! He's a real basement dweller!"
  456. >You spend a few seconds listening to her laugh
  457. >Just then you hear a loud rip
  458. >Grubs goes silent
  459. >Smirk
  460. "You alright back there, honey?"
  461. >"F-fine."
  462. "Good."
  463. >Turn to Fluttershy
  464. "Don't mind my wife. She's 'armless."
  465. >Snicker
  466. >"YOU'RE HILARIOUS, ANON."
  467. >Fluttershy is just staring at you
  468. >"S-so will you like me if I make you laugh?"
  469. "I really don't think-"
  470. >"G-gotta go. See you later!"
  471. >And she's gone
  472. >The shack is drawing nearer, though. So that's lucky
  473. >Open the door and help Grubs down
  474. "I told you to be careful with that thing. You nearly blew our cover!"
  475. >"Sorry..."
  476. >Wow. She sounds genuinely apologetic for once
  477. >She smiles up at you
  478. >"Hehe, blow our -cover-"
  479. >She tugs on her burqa
  480. >"Get it?"
  481. >Shake your head
  482. "Shut up and help me unload these things"
  483. >You can't help but smile though.
  484. >Finish unloading the bodies and storing them in the basement
  485. >Dust your hands off and stare at the pile of bodies now resting in your basement
  486. >Grubs is also looking
  487. >"Shouldn't we like, store them in ice?"
  488. "Ehh, they'll be fine. What's the worst that could happen?"
  489. >"A bad smell?"
  490. "Right! And it's not like anyone ever comes here-"
  491. >Knock knock knock
  492. >...
  493. "Just in case, that wasn't you?"
  494. >"Go answer the door, you big goof."
  495. "Ugh."
  496. >Plod upstairs and throw open the front door
  497. >Fluttershy smiles up at you
  498. >In a clown costume
  499. >"A-ahem"
  500. >She begins dancing around madly, singing a song and honking her big red nose
  501. >Then she strikes a pose and a flower on her chest sprays water at you
  502. >"Ta daa! A-are you laughing?"
  503. >Glare down at her
  504. >You'd think she would have noticed half way through your act
  505. >"Anon? Who is it?"
  506. "Just a clown, Gr- uh, Rotey!"
  507. >"Should we ki- invite her in?"
  508. "That's a horrible id-"
  509. >Fluttershy's face has lighten up
  510. >"Oh my! I'd love to come inside you!"
  511. >What
  512. >"Y-your house, I mean."
  513. >She lets herself in
  514. >Oh shit
  515. >Run ahead of her and into your kitchen
  516. >Just in time to see Grubs lock herself in the basement, giving you a pained look and mouthing "good luck"
  517. >At least she's protecting the corpses
  518. >Fluttershy takes a seat at your kitchen table and smiles at you
  519. >Her nose wrinkles up
  520. >"Oh! There's umm... Quite a smell in here!"
  521. "Uhh yeah. It's the plumbing."
  522. >Neither of you say anything to each other for a few moments
  523. >Fluttershy breaks the silence
  524. >"S-so! Umm, w-what do you do?"
  525. "I'm a mud farmer, remember?"
  526. >"Oh yes! Sorry!"
  527. >She smiles
  528. >Then loses the smile
  529. >"What's a mud farmer?"
  530. "It's like... A... Rock farmer. But with... Mud?"
  531. >God, you're stupid.
  532. >"Oh! My friend Pinkie was a rock farmer!"
  533. >YOU GOT LUCKY, ANON.
  534. "Riiiight! And that's what I do! I farm. Mud."
  535. >Fake smiles all round
  536. >Fluttershy gets off her chair and walks up to you
  537. >"S-so a mud farmer must make a lot of money!"
  538. "Well, I-"
  539. >"So you have a big house!"
  540. >It's a tiny shack.
  541. >"And some spare room for... 'Extra' company?"
  542. >She winks
  543. "Don't you know I have a wife? I thought I made that clear"
  544. >"But she's not here right now!"
  545. "Actually she's in the-"
  546. >NO NO NO
  547. "Sheee's... In town!"
  548. >Fluttershy grins
  549. >"Then we're all alone!"
  550. >She takes a step forwards
  551. >"Out here..."
  552. >Another
  553. >"All."
  554. >And another
  555. >"Alone."
  556. >ROMANTIC COMEDIES DIDN'T PREPARE YOU FOR THIS KIND OF SCENARIO
  557. >Or did they?
  558. >You think back to some romantic comedies you watched in the past
  559. >"What's the deal with airline food?"
  560. >NOW ISN'T THE TIME, SEINFELD. YOU AREN'T EVEN ROMANTIC.
  561. >This kiss is romantic, though. Fluttershy's lips are awfully soft
  562. >...
  563. >Pull back, breaking the kiss
  564. >"Ohh~. Our first kiss! Wasn't that passionate, Anonymous? I KNEw that we were meant to be!"
  565. "Uhhhhh"
  566. >"W-we can start a family! You just ditch that smelly pony and move in with me!"
  567. "Uhhhhhhhh"
  568. >She drops her voice to a whisper
  569. >"We can even have... Sex"
  570. >She squeaks upon saying the word
  571. "M-me. Wife. Hav-"
  572. >"Yes! I WILL wife you, Anon! This day is a dream come true!"
  573. >Your front door opens
  574. >Grubs steps in, her burqa now on again
  575. >"Why hello there, living- Uh, I mean, loving husband! And Fluttershy too! How are you?"
  576. >Fluttershy blushes and steps back
  577. >"O-oh, I was just. Umm. Leaving."
  578. >She winks at you and whispers in your ear
  579. >"We can keep it a secret! Just you and me!"
  580. >She wink again and skedaddles out the front door
  581. >Grubs kicks it shut with a rear leg and tears off her headscarf
  582. >"What the hell, Anon? You're letting random ponies kiss you now?"
  583. "I don't know what happened! I swear!"
  584. >"You're so... BETA!"
  585. "YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME. YOU'RE JUST A MINION!"
  586. >"I'm more pony than you can handle, mister. You almost disrupted our operations. If I hadn't had come in, who knows what might have happened!"
  587. "Yeah, how DID you get in?"
  588. >"There's a trap door leading from the basement to the surface, behind the shack"
  589. >Oh yeah
  590. >That would have been easier to use for dumping the bodies in
  591. "Look, I don't like how this pony is getting close to discovering our plot. So let's just get it done, okay?"
  592. >Grubs smiles
  593. >"'Our' plot, Anon?"
  594. "My plot! MINE!"
  595. >Storm past her and into the basement
  596. >Grubs calls after you
  597. >"Anon, I'm hungry!"
  598. "THERE'S STUFF IN THE FRIDGE, YOU MONGOLOID."
  599. >...
  600. >"Oh my god there's stuff in the fridge! Why didn't you tell me this before!"
  601. "I JUST TOLD YOU!"
  602. >"Where are the apples?"
  603. "THEY'RE IN THE FUCKING FRIDGE!"
  604. >"You said there would be apples!"
  605. "JUST CHECK THE FRIDGE YOU... YOU... DOUBLE ZOMBIE."
  606. >You really suck at insults sometimes.
  607. >Grubs manages to find some apples and trots down into the basement, look pleased with herself
  608. >"So. Shall we get to work?"
  609. "Well no, we still need the other ingredients"
  610. >"You mean these?"
  611. >She walks over to a small box and brings it back, placing it on your desk
  612. >It's full of small vials and dead plants
  613. "How did you..."
  614. >"When you showed me the list of things we needed, I knew that I'd seem them somewhere"
  615. "But how?"
  616. >"I LIVE down here, you idiot."
  617. "Oh yeah."
  618. >Stare the ingredients
  619. "We can make it, now. The monster, I mean"
  620. >You're quiet for a while
  621. >"You okay, Anon?"
  622. "I dunno. You ever have second thoughts?"
  623. >"Nope. I'm 4 days old. I haven't had to time to have second thoughts yet."
  624. "You're a great therapist"
  625. >"Thanks, 'husband'"
  626. >Shudder
  627. "Don't ever call me that again"
  628. >"Aww, can't handle the thought of loving me?"
  629. "You're hideous"
  630. >"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"
  631. "That's an excuse ugly people use to make themselves feel less ugly"
  632. >"You're not much of a looker yourself, mister hairless ape."
  633. >You bicker like this for 2 hours.
  634. "Weren't we supposed to be making a monster?"
  635. >"I'll get the plans, you get the bodies"
  636. "Why do I have to get the bodies?"
  637. >"Don't be a foal, Anon."
  638. >Sulk and drag the first body over here
  639. >Raise your bone saw and pink thread
  640. >Grubs returns and places the plans in front of you
  641. "Ready?"
  642. >"Ready."
  643. "Let's make us a monster.
  644.  
  645. >You work all through the day and all through the night
  646. >Hacking through bones, flesh and gristle, you steadily piece together a creature of horrific proportions
  647. >Unlike Grubs, this thing shouldn't be too self aware
  648. >You stitch on the final limb
  649. "Is... Is that it?"
  650. >"That was the last body part we had. I think it's ready."
  651. >You stare at the amalgamation of flesh and bone
  652. >It's basically a pony
  653. >Made of other ponies
  654. >It touches the ceiling, and looks like something out a Tim Burton movie
  655. >Pink thread holds it all together, making it look kinda funny in a way
  656. >But still terrifying
  657. >Grubs prods you
  658. >"We still need to add the mixture"
  659. >Reach for the hollow needle and jam it into where you put the creature's 25 hearts
  660. >Begin pumping the vile liquid into the monster
  661. >Watch it in silence
  662. >Grubs scratches her leg
  663. >You sniff
  664. >"You'd think it would be a bit more, exciting"
  665. "Gotta wait for it to move first"
  666. >"Alright"
  667. >Several minutes pass
  668. >Eventually, the liquid runs dry
  669. >"What now?"
  670. >Flick through your 'Necromancy for Foals' book
  671. "According to this, we need a massive jolt of electricity-
  672. >The creature moves slightly
  673. >Stare at it
  674. >Throw the book over your shoulder
  675. "Welp. Books have been wrong before"
  676. >Clear your throat
  677. "IT'S ALIIIIIIIIIVE!"
  678. >The monster shifts and groans as it comes to life
  679. >You look on with a huge smile on your face
  680. >It picks itself up off the floor and groans again, louder this time
  681. >"MEE... HUNGRY..."
  682. >Grubs laughs
  683. >"Awww. He's like a big baby!"
  684. >Nod
  685. "A big baby with a lot of killing potential!"
  686. >You clap your hands excitedly
  687. >"You look like a filly on hearts warming eve."
  688. "I don't care! This is so exciting!"
  689. >The beast shakes it's head
  690. >"ME HUNGRY. MASTER HELP?"
  691. >It even thinks that you're it's master
  692. >FUCKING. GOLDMINE.
  693. "Ahem, Yes! I AM ANONYMOUS, BEAST! I CREATED YOU FOR ONE PURPOSE."
  694. >The monster cocks it's head
  695. "WE ARE GOING TO DESTROY PONYVILLE!"
  696.  
  697. >The basement door is obliterated
  698. >A creature the size of the shack you're living in crawls out of it, you and Grubs riding on it's back
  699. >"MUST. CRUSH."
  700. "Ahahahah!"
  701. >Grubs has her hooves wrapped around your waist
  702. >The monster, you have now named "Jonathan" carries you into town like a noble steed
  703. >That has a limited vocabulary
  704. "YES, JONATHAN! ANNIHILATE THE LESSER BEINGS!"
  705. >Jonathan roars and crushes a house, the ponies inside, outside, and all around Ponyville are now screaming
  706. >A siren blares as your creature howls in excitement
  707. >It thinks that everything is a big game.
  708. >"LITTLE PONY GO SMASH SMASH!"
  709. >Bricks and other stones from the more courageous ponies bounce harmlessly off his hide, and only serve to send him into a more frenzied state
  710. >Due to his size, unicorns can't effect him with magic
  711. >Until, that is, a large purple bolt slams into his shoulder
  712. >Bits of bile and flesh splatter all over you and Grubs as a large hole is created in Jonathan
  713. >He roars, his rage enhanced to levels you cannot even imagine
  714. >A small purple Alicorn stands in the middle of the street just below you
  715. >A confident smirk on her face, and her horn at the ready
  716. >"My name is Twilight Sparkle! And I am here to-"
  717. >SPLAT.
  718. >Jonathan's leg pummels her into the dirt
  719. >He stamps on her body over and over again until she's a mass of bloodied meat sponge
  720. >You shrug
  721. >Not like anyone will miss her
  722. >Fucking Alicorns
  723. >He continues his rampage around Ponyville, shrugging off any other punishment and generally being a nuisance
  724. >You think about what you're going to have for dinner tonight while he tears down the town hall in a fit of bloodrage
  725. >His screams piece the smoke filled air
  726. >Grubs taps you on the shoulder
  727. "Yeah?"
  728. >"Guess who."
  729. >Feel another tap
  730. >Fluttershy is hovering next to you
  731. >Rub your eyes and blink
  732. "Uhh."
  733. >"H-hello again! It's me, Fluttershy! In case you forgot... Umm, listen, I know you're a teeny tiny bit busy at the moment, but I was wondering if you wanted to go out on d-date sometime? Maybe in my house? Right now?"
  734. >She blushes
  735. >Look back at Grubs
  736. "Is this pony serious?"
  737. >She shrugs
  738. >"Looks like it."
  739. >Fluttershy patiently awaits an answer, she ducks to narrowly avoid a flying piece of building
  740. >"S-so is that a yes?"
  741. "No. No it's not."
  742. >"Aww... Well that's okay. Maybe tomorrow then?"
  743. >She flies away, oblivious to the carnage around her
  744. >Jonathan cocks his leg over the ruins of the town hall
  745. "Hey, HEY! NO! BAD! DOWN, JONATHAN"
  746. >"ME SORRY, MASTER."
  747. >Grubs tightens her grip around your waist
  748. >"So what are we eating tonight?
  749. "I dunno. Apples?"
  750. >She rests her head on your back
  751. >"Sounds good..."
  752.  
  753. The End.

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