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[FLUTTERRAPE] Friendship Report

By Nebulus
Created: 2021-07-16 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-07-03 23:07:25
Expiry: Never
anontwilight sparklefluttershysafecomedy/flutterrape/chrysalis

  1. 1.
    Originally uploaded to Pastebin: August 2nd, 2013
  2. 2.
    ---
  3. 3.
     
  4. 4.
    >Dump your binbag full of rubbish into the rubbish bin next to your house.
  5. 5.
    >Dust your hands off and sigh, taking a moment to enjoy the heat on your face.
  6. 6.
    >Equestria is warm as hell on the best of days.
  7. 7.
    >Hear a distant voice on the winds.
  8. 8.
    >Strain your ears to try and pick it up further.
  9. 9.
    >Notice that your hands are beginning to prickle.
  10. 10.
    >...
  11. 11.
    "Oh no."
  12. 12.
    >Fear fills you.
  13. 13.
    >Spin around.
  14. 14.
    >The voice on the winds is much louder now.
  15. 15.
    >"Aaaaaaanoooon!"
  16. 16.
    "No. Not again. NOT AGAIN!"
  17. 17.
    >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"
  18. 18.
    >Twilight Sparkle, alicorn princess and heir to nobody's throne slams into you.
  19. 19.
    "I JUST WANT ONE FUCKING DAY ALONE!"
  20. 20.
    >"ANON THERE'S TROUBLE AND WE NEED YOUR HELP!"
  21. 21.
    "WHY?!"
  22. 22.
    >She slaps you with a hoof, grips the front of your shirt with magic and violently shakes you back and forth.
  23. 23.
    >"BEcAUSE THE VOICES DEMAND IT!"
  24. 24.
    "I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH."
  25. 25.
     
  26. 26.
    >You are Anon.
  27. 27.
    >Involuntary adventurer.
  28. 28.
    >"Alright, Anon. Here's the deal."
  29. 29.
    >You're tied to a chair in Twilight's basement.
  30. 30.
    >She turns around in a high back office chair and places her elbows on the desk, bringing her hooves together.
  31. 31.
    >"We need your help."
  32. 32.
    "Why have you made your basement an office?"
  33. 33.
    >"There's trouble brewing. And because I'm now a princess, I need you to do my dirty work for me."
  34. 34.
    "Have you seriously got a plaque that says 'Da Boss'?"
  35. 35.
    >"Fluttershy has told me that there's been suspicious activity near the Everfree Forest. And I'd like you to investigate."
  36. 36.
    "I thought you said you needed my help. Not my eyes."
  37. 37.
    >"Technically, using your eyes -would- be helping"
  38. 38.
    >She grins.
  39. 39.
    >You glower.
  40. 40.
    "No deal. I have better things to do."
  41. 41.
    >"No you don't."
  42. 42.
    "And who are you to say that?"
  43. 43.
    >Twilight pulls out a small brown-backed book and slides it across the desk towards you.
  44. 44.
    >It's your planner.
  45. 45.
    >Stare at it, slowly raising your eyes to look at Twilight.
  46. 46.
    >She gives you a toothy smile and unbinds you with magic.
  47. 47.
    >Tentatively open it to today's date.
  48. 48.
    >Start flicking through every page, increasing the pace with each page turned.
  49. 49.
    >Every single page has "HELP OUT TWILIGHT" written in red ink.
  50. 50.
    >The very last page reads "Pick up milk".
  51. 51.
    "DAMMIT, TWILIGHT. I DON'T EVEN DRINK MILK!"
  52. 52.
    >"IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR BONES! But that's not the point. You're not too busy, and books don't lie."
  53. 53.
    "How are -you- a princess?"
  54. 54.
    >She sticks her tongue out.
  55. 55.
    >Twilight stands up and walks over to a fireplace.
  56. 56.
    >That she's inexplicably built in her basement, even though she has a perfectly good one upstairs.
  57. 57.
    >She strikes a pose and gives you a questioning look.
  58. 58.
    >"So. You'll do as I ask, yes?"
  59. 59.
    >Realise that she's stood in front of a massive painted portrait of her stood in the exact same place striking the same pose, complete with Dreamworks smile.
  60. 60.
    "Help you, investigate the forest, then what?"
  61. 61.
    >"Well, if you survive, you can go home."
  62. 62.
    "Sweet."
  63. 63.
    >Doesn't sound so bad.
  64. 64.
    "So where abouts was this strange sighting?"
  65. 65.
    >"O-oh, Anon! Thank goodness you came! I was worried you might, um, not come... B-but if you still want to come, I'm ready and waiting..."
  66. 66.
    >Fluttershy blushes.
  67. 67.
    >Don't answer her.
  68. 68.
    >"S-so what do you think?"
  69. 69.
    >Don't answer her.
  70. 70.
    >"Can you help me?"
  71. 71.
    >Don't answer her.
  72. 72.
    >"I'm worried it might hurt somep0ny..."
  73. 73.
    >The massive black and green vortex hovering slightly above ground uproots a nearby tree and drags in into the swirling abyss.
  74. 74.
    >"It looks sort of dangerous."
  75. 75.
    >The pebbles near your feet begin shuffling towards the void.
  76. 76.
    "This uh..."
  77. 77.
    >A rabbit gets sucked in.
  78. 78.
    "This might be out of my area of expertise."
  79. 79.
    >A loud purple bang scares the shit out of you.
  80. 80.
    >"Ah! Anon. There you are"
  81. 81.
    "What the fuck, Twilight?!"
  82. 82.
    >"I know! I was rooting through your drawers and found this!"
  83. 83.
    >She holds up a long dead mobile phone that came with you.
  84. 84.
    >"Is it some kind of human pleasure device?"
  85. 85.
    "TWILIGHT."
  86. 86.
    >Point at what you're now sure is some kind of black hole.
  87. 87.
    "WHAT. THE FUCK. IS THIS?"
  88. 88.
    >She scrunches her face up and scrutinises the vortex, ignoring an otter that nearly hits her head as it flies past and into it.
  89. 89.
    >Just then a lightbulb appears over her head.
  90. 90.
    >That gets dragged in as well.
  91. 91.
    >"Ah ha! So -that's- where I put it!"
  92. 92.
    "You... MADE this?"
  93. 93.
    >"Of course! I was trying to make soup."
  94. 94.
    >She laughs.
  95. 95.
    >"Pretty crazy, huh?"
  96. 96.
    "Twilight are you insane?"
  97. 97.
    >She grabs your face with magic and drags you down so that your nose is touching hers.
  98. 98.
    >"LOOK INTO MY EYES, ANON. GAZE INTO MY EYES JUST AS I GAZED INTO THE HEART OF MADNESS AND EMBRACED INSANITY. GONE IS THE MARE YOU ONCE KNEW. THERE IS ONLY ENTROPY IN HER PLACE."
  99. 99.
    "Being a princess must really suck"
  100. 100.
    >"I'm amazed I haven't killed myself yet!"
  101. 101.
    >She laughs again.
  102. 102.
    >"Oooh... I'm hilarious. I should write that one down!"
  103. 103.
    >And she does.
  104. 104.
    >The paper and quill then get wrenched from her grasp and into the vortex.
  105. 105.
    >"Woah! When did that portal to Changeling territory get there?!"
  106. 106.
    "What."
  107. 107.
    >She strolls over to the vortex, seemingly unphased by the sheer gravitational pull its emitting, and starts prodding it with a stick.
  108. 108.
    >When the stick gets pulled in and disappears, Twilight gasps.
  109. 109.
    >"Fascinating!"
  110. 110.
    >She returns to your side.
  111. 111.
    >"Okay, Anon! I have a job for you!"
  112. 112.
    "Don't say it."
  113. 113.
    >"I want you."
  114. 114.
    "DON'T."
  115. 115.
    >"To jump into the portal. And return to me your findings."
  116. 116.
    "...WHY."
  117. 117.
    >"I dunno. For kicks!"
  118. 118.
    >She picks you up with magic and hurls you into the void.
  119. 119.
    >Unspeakable images flash before your eyes as you traverse the planes between this world and the next.
  120. 120.
    >This must be why vortex travel is actually illegal in Equestria.
  121. 121.
    >When you emerge from the other side, you land on an uprooted tree, a quill, some paper, and two dead furry animals, as well as a shit load of soil and grass.
  122. 122.
    >Blink a few times to make sure you're not actually dead.
  123. 123.
    >A sudden blow to the head confirms your lack of mortality.
  124. 124.
    >Clutch your head and groan.
  125. 125.
    >Rub it and see what hit you.
  126. 126.
    >Fluttershy is wrapped around the tree.
  127. 127.
    "Whaa..."
  128. 128.
    >Look up at the vortex.
  129. 129.
    >Twilight's head pokes out.
  130. 130.
    >"HELLO AGAIN! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"
  131. 131.
    "Yes..."
  132. 132.
    >"GOOD! IT'S QUITE LOUD IN HERE!"
  133. 133.
    >Another bout of laughter.
  134. 134.
    >"LISTEN! THIS IS YOUR MISSION. TO INVESTIGATE THE CHANGELINGS! THEN WRITE A FRIENDSHIP REPORT! THEN I WON'T WRITE BACK FOR SEVERAL MONTHS AND LEAVE YOU IN THE DARK!"
  135. 135.
    >Her eye twitches violently.
  136. 136.
    >"JUST LIKE WHEN CELESTIA WAS MY MENTOR! NOW I'M JUST LIKE HER! SEE! I CAN BE A PRINCESS TOO! I CAN ORDER PEOPLE ABOUT!"
  137. 137.
    >She explodes into laughter.
  138. 138.
    >"OKAY! I'M GONNA GO NOW! BYE ANON! GOOD LUCK!"
  139. 139.
    "WHY THE FUCK IS FLUTTERSHY HERE?"
  140. 140.
    >"SHE JUMPED IN AFTER YOU IN AN ACT OF UNWAVERING LOVE AND CONCERN FOR YOUR WELLBEING!"
  141. 141.
    "Really?"
  142. 142.
    >"NO! I THREW HER IN!"
  143. 143.
    >The princess guffaws a final time before charging up her horn.
  144. 144.
    >"CHEERIO!"
  145. 145.
    >And with that, the vortex sucks itself inwards, leaving the air where it was still again.
  146. 146.
    >Sit on the fallen tree, your head resting on the palm of your hand, a bored look on your face.
  147. 147.
    >All around you is absolutely nothing.
  148. 148.
    >Wasteland as far as you can see.
  149. 149.
    >Sigh and slide off the tree.
  150. 150.
    >Walk around and poke Fluttershy's face.
  151. 151.
    "Get up. Your idiot friend has stranded us."
  152. 152.
    >She groans.
  153. 153.
    >"B-but we haven't seen Rainbow Dash all day..."
  154. 154.
    "Your other idiot friend, moron."
  155. 155.
    >"Applejack?"
  156. 156.
    >Pinch the bridge of your nose.
  157. 157.
    "Right. Fuck this."
  158. 158.
    >Start walking in a random direction.
  159. 159.
    >A scroll materialises before your very eyes.
  160. 160.
    >Grasp it before it can fall to the floor.
  161. 161.
    >Unfurl it.
  162. 162.
    >'Wrong way.'
  163. 163.
    "Seriously?"
  164. 164.
    >Raise your fists to the heavens
  165. 165.
    "GET ME OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE, YOU BELLEND!"
  166. 166.
    >Another scroll appears in a sunbeam, accompanied by what you swear is the singing of angels.
  167. 167.
    >Grab and open it.
  168. 168.
    >'No.'
  169. 169.
    >Crush it in your grip and grind your teeth together.
  170. 170.
    >Start stomping in the other direction, past a now fully awake Fluttershy, who is sat on the log watching you storm around.
  171. 171.
    >"Can I help?"
  172. 172.
    "NO."
  173. 173.
    >"Want a back rub?"
  174. 174.
    "NO!"
  175. 175.
    >"Okay..."
  176. 176.
    >Fluttershy starts flying after you.
  177. 177.
    >"C-can't we just wait for help?"
  178. 178.
    "What help is going to find us out here, Fluttershy?"
  179. 179.
    >"Twilight might save us..."
  180. 180.
    "And why, pray tell, would she do that?"
  181. 181.
    >"She might have had a change of heart and realise that she cares about our safety?"
  182. 182.
    >A scroll lands in her mane, already unfurled.
  183. 183.
    >'HA!'
  184. 184.
    "No, something tells me that Twilight went off in the deep end long ago."
  185. 185.
    >"But why?"
  186. 186.
    "Being a princess must not have worked out for her. Must have broken her mind with stress or whatever."
  187. 187.
    >"Would you like to be a princess, Anon?"
  188. 188.
    "Hell no. Princesses are gay."
  189. 189.
    >"I'd like to be a princess..."
  190. 190.
    >Stop .
  191. 191.
    >Turn to her, a deadpan look on your face.
  192. 192.
    "Why."
  193. 193.
    >She blushes.
  194. 194.
    >"Well... Every princess needs a prince..."
  195. 195.
    >She hides behind her mane and bites her lip.
  196. 196.
    "Of all the ponies to be stuck with..."
  197. 197.
    >"Sorry, Anon..."
  198. 198.
    >She's quiet for a moment.
  199. 199.
    >"...But I think you'd make a really good prince..."
  200. 200.
    "Unbelievable. I'm going to leave now, Fluttershy."
  201. 201.
    >With that, you stroll off towards an imposing looking plateau.
  202. 202.
    >"W-wait! Don't leave me alone!"
  203. 203.
    >She latches onto your back as you walk.
  204. 204.
    >"You smell nice, Anon."
  205. 205.
    "Thanks. I guess."
  206. 206.
    >You lumber on, the heat steadily wearing away at your energy, assisted by the pony on your back.
  207. 207.
    >Luckily, the sun is creeping behind the plateau ahead, basking you in it's shade.
  208. 208.
    >Feel much better as the cooler air washes over you.
  209. 209.
    >Decide to take a break next to a rock, prying Fluttershy off your back and placing her on the ground.
  210. 210.
    >Slump against the rock and close your eyes.
  211. 211.
    >Fluttershy prods your leg.
  212. 212.
    >"Anon?"
  213. 213.
    "Not now, Fluttershy... I just want to rest for a moment."
  214. 214.
    >Enjoy a brief moment of respite before she pokes your leg again.
  215. 215.
    >"Anon? Are you thinking about me?"
  216. 216.
    >Reply without opening your eyes.
  217. 217.
    "Oh god you're so bad at social situations..."
  218. 218.
    >"I-I know..."
  219. 219.
    >...
  220. 220.
    >She pokes your leg.
  221. 221.
    >"Anon?"
  222. 222.
    "What."
  223. 223.
    >"C-can you open your eyes?"
  224. 224.
    "No."
  225. 225.
    >"Please?"
  226. 226.
    >Ugh
  227. 227.
    "Fine."
  228. 228.
    >Open them.
  229. 229.
    "What do y- Oh fuck my ass."
  230. 230.
    >Fluttershy, you, and the rock, are surrounded by changelings.
  231. 231.
    >They don't look very happy.
  232. 232.
    "In retrospect, I should have expected this."
  233. 233.
    >You and Fluttershy are currently suspended from a large wooden pole. Bound and upside down similar to how a cannibal tribe would carry their latest catch.
  234. 234.
    "Well this sucks."
  235. 235.
    >"SILENCE, WHELP!"
  236. 236.
    >The largest and most armoured changeling, who you assume is the captain, is leading the pack deeper into the plateau.
  237. 237.
    >Which strangely enough happens to be a fortress containing an entire changeling hive.
  238. 238.
    >You can tell because the walls are crawling with changelings, each coming out of holes in the walls and roof.
  239. 239.
    >Watch as they check up on the sickly green sacks dotted around everywhere before scuttling back into their holes.
  240. 240.
    >A couple of them stop to watch you and Fluttershy.
  241. 241.
    >Enter a large cavern at what you guess is the heart of this bastion.
  242. 242.
    >At the centre of the room, surrounded by green sacks and perched on a hastily assembled rocky throne, is a single huge changeling.
  243. 243.
    >You are carried over to her and set at her feet.
  244. 244.
    >Look up at her front your new position on the floor.
  245. 245.
    "Damn, you're ugly."
  246. 246.
    >The captain stamps on your face.
  247. 247.
    >It hurts like a bitch.
  248. 248.
    >You should have been drinking your milk.
  249. 249.
    >The bigger changeling leans down and insects your face.
  250. 250.
    >Insects? Inspects? Get it?
  251. 251.
    >Damn, you're funny.
  252. 252.
    >She grins at you, revealing large fangs and a malicious intent.
  253. 253.
    >"Well well well. What do we have here? Some kind of exotic mercenary sent by Celestia to destroy me?"
  254. 254.
    "Not even close."
  255. 255.
    >"Then what? Speak quickly and don't waste my time."
  256. 256.
    "Aight. I'm an alien being sent here by a lunatic princess obsessed with acting more like her teacher whilst being completely unaware of the misery she causes others, she sent me and my companion here--"
  257. 257.
    >Nod at Fluttershy, who is pissing herself in fear.
  258. 258.
    "--To learn about changelings and friendship."
  259. 259.
    >The big bug blinks slowly.
  260. 260.
    >"Very, uhh, well."
  261. 261.
    >She straightens up.
  262. 262.
    >"Release them."
  263. 263.
    >The captain blurts out a response.
  264. 264.
    >"M-my queen! They might escape!"
  265. 265.
    >The queen rolls her eyes.
  266. 266.
    >"Oh shut it, Milhouse, they aren't going anywhere."
  267. 267.
    >Milhouse looks at his hooves.
  268. 268.
    >"...Okay..."
  269. 269.
    >The other guards cut your binds and step back as you stand up.
  270. 270.
    >You're taller than the queen.
  271. 271.
    >She seems unnerved by this at first. But regains her composure and begins what you can guess is a practised royal glare.
  272. 272.
    >"You are now my prisoner. You shall never leave these halls, alien. You or your com-- Wait, I'm sure I recognise that pony."
  273. 273.
    >Look over a Fluttershy, who is imitating a deer caught in headlights.
  274. 274.
    "Oh, that's Fluttershy. Element of Kindness. She's friends with Twilight Sparkle. You know her from somewhere?"
  275. 275.
    >The queen narrows her eyes.
  276. 276.
     
  277. 277.
    >"ANON! HEEEELP!"
  278. 278.
    >Watch with a bemused expression as Fluttershy runs around a pit as a large changeling who looks as though she was force-fed steroids chases her around.
  279. 279.
    >Reminds you of the Rancor pit.
  280. 280.
    >The queen - Chrysalis, chews on a popcorn bucket filled with grubs.
  281. 281.
    >"She's got a set of legs on her."
  282. 282.
    "Yup."
  283. 283.
    >"ANON PLEASE!"
  284. 284.
    >Fluttershy narrowly avoids a swipe from the changeling hulk.
  285. 285.
    >"Why doesn't she use her wings?"
  286. 286.
    "She's not the smartest pony in the world. You know she tries to have sex with me all the time?"
  287. 287.
    >Chrysalis raises an eyebrow.
  288. 288.
    >"No, really?"
  289. 289.
    "Oh yeah."
  290. 290.
    >"You must be flattered."
  291. 291.
    "Actually it's a massive pain in the ass."
  292. 292.
    >She laughs at that.
  293. 293.
    >The hulk manages to catch Fluttershy and pins her to the floor.
  294. 294.
    >Chrysalis finishes her grubs and sets the bucket down.
  295. 295.
    >"Alright, I think she's had enough. You can get out now, Fluttershy."
  296. 296.
    >Fluttershy lets out a sigh of relief as the hulk gets off her.
  297. 297.
    >Then flies out of the pit and sits next to you, smiling sheepishly.
  298. 298.
    "God, you're dumb."
  299. 299.
    >"Is that your fetish?"
  300. 300.
    >...
  301. 301.
     
  302. 302.
    >"ANON PLEASE MAKE HER STOP!"
  303. 303.
    >Chrysalis offers you some grubs.
  304. 304.
    >"Want one?"
  305. 305.
    "Nah."
  306. 306.
    >"So after we got kicked out of Canterlot, we ended up here. Took about a year to get back on our hooves."
  307. 307.
    >The queen rubs her behind.
  308. 308.
    >"And a whole lot of labour on my part."
  309. 309.
    "Gross."
  310. 310.
    >"So. You know what Shining Armour is up to nowadays?"
  311. 311.
    >The door bursts open.
  312. 312.
    >Milhouse is panting heavily.
  313. 313.
    >"M-MY QUEEN! THE YELLOW ONE HAS ESCAPED!"
  314. 314.
    >Chrysalis stands up, anger in her eyes.
  315. 315.
    >"What?! Impossible! I left her with the hulk!"
  316. 316.
    >Milhouse gulps.
  317. 317.
    >"She befriended it and is now riding it around like some kind of steed!"
  318. 318.
    >Chrysalis smirks.
  319. 319.
    >"Kinky."
  320. 320.
    >"My queeeeeeen!"
  321. 321.
    >"Shut up, Milhouse."
  322. 322.
    >She turns to you.
  323. 323.
    >"Wait here while I sort this out."
  324. 324.
    >Shrug and watch her go.
  325. 325.
    >Being a prisoner here might not be so bad.
  326. 326.
    >All you need is some paper then you can start documenting this misadventure.
  327. 327.
    >Lie back and put your hands behind your head, resting your eyes for a moment.
  328. 328.
    >You never got the chance before, what with being captured and all.
  329. 329.
    >Just before you doze off, the wall next to you shatters as a black and yellow blur steam-rolls through it.
  330. 330.
    >Fluttershy, looking like she's spent the last through years in some form of guerilla war-zone, looks down at you from her new mount.
  331. 331.
    >"Anon! Come on! We have to get out of here!"
  332. 332.
    "Why? I kinda like it down here. It's cosy."
  333. 333.
    >Look down and see that you were lying in green goo.
  334. 334.
    "Sort of."
  335. 335.
    >Fluttershy groans.
  336. 336.
    >"Listen, mister! Get your cute little tush up here and hold me! I'm getting us out of here whether you like it or not!"
  337. 337.
    "But I haven't documented--"
  338. 338.
    >"ANON GET ON THIS CHANGELING RIGHT FREAKING NOW!"
  339. 339.
    >You get on that fucking changeling right then.
  340. 340.
    >Cling to Warmaster Fluttershy, whose heartbeat feels like a jackhammer.
  341. 341.
    >"Alright Miss Fuzzyboobles! Go!"
  342. 342.
    >The changeling turns her head to look at Fluttershy.
  343. 343.
    >"Me Susan."
  344. 344.
    >"Oh. S-sorry..."
  345. 345.
    >No one moves for a while.
  346. 346.
    >You can hear shouts coming from outside.
  347. 347.
    "You really know how to botch things up, don't ya, Shy?"
  348. 348.
    >She whimpers.
  349. 349.
    >Susan huffs and starts running towards the other wall.
  350. 350.
    >She head-butts her way through it and starts running down random corridors.
  351. 351.
    >You grip Fluttershy's waist tighter.
  352. 352.
    >She tenses up at that.
  353. 353.
    >Susan grunts.
  354. 354.
    >"Flutt-shy need bathroom me thinks."
  355. 355.
    >Fluttershy mumbles in response.
  356. 356.
    >"N-not exactly..."
  357. 357.
    >Duck your head down as another wall gets crushed under the walking muscle's warpath.
  358. 358.
    >Find yourselves right in a huge cavern.
  359. 359.
    >At one end is the mouth of the cave.
  360. 360.
    >About a hundred changeling guards stand ready in front of it.
  361. 361.
    >The one at the front steps forward.
  362. 362.
    >Milhouse.
  363. 363.
    >"STOOOOOP!"
  364. 364.
    >Susan looks back quizzically at Fluttershy.
  365. 365.
    >"What do?"
  366. 366.
    >Fluttershy taps her hooves together.
  367. 367.
    >"Umm... Ch-charge?"
  368. 368.
    >Susan shakes her head.
  369. 369.
    >"That stoopid. What ape think."
  370. 370.
    "Accelerate movements in a forward direction and maintain the highest velocity you can straight through the enemy ranks and don't stop until we've cleared the exit."
  371. 371.
    >"That smart plan. I like ape."
  372. 372.
    >She looks back at the small army before.
  373. 373.
    >"Susan hope to mate with you some day."
  374. 374.
    >Shudder.
  375. 375.
    >She grunts and takes off like a bull.
  376. 376.
    >Several changelings scatter, but Milhouse holds his ground, holding up his hoof before him.
  377. 377.
    >"I COMMAND YOU TO STOP!"
  378. 378.
    >Susan doesn't slow down.
  379. 379.
    >Before he realises his folly, he gets flattened by the hulk.
  380. 380.
    >You turn around and give him the finger while you ride the oversized changeling into the barrens.
  381. 381.
    >Chrysalis steps over the bodies of her guards and watches her newest friend leave her.
  382. 382.
    >Just like all the others.
  383. 383.
    >He didn't even get to see your rock collection.
  384. 384.
    >The changeling at your feet coughs and stands up, his legs shaking.
  385. 385.
    >"I-I tried, my queen! But they wouldn't listen!"
  386. 386.
    "Shut up, Milhouse."
  387. 387.
     
  388. 388.
    >Be Twilight Sparkle.
  389. 389.
    >Stare at the rock in the middle of the floor in the front room of the library.
  390. 390.
    >Stick your tongue out while you concentrate on casting the spell.
  391. 391.
    >If your calculations are correct, this spell -should- turn the rock into gold.
  392. 392.
    >Slam your eyes shut and finish casting.
  393. 393.
    >Open them.
  394. 394.
    >Oh, no, that's not right.
  395. 395.
    >A fully grown grey pony blinks. He hasn't got a cutie mark.
  396. 396.
    >He looks around, dazed and confused.
  397. 397.
    >"wh-where am I?"
  398. 398.
    "Beats me. Wanna become my new test subject?"
  399. 399.
    >"What kind of tests?"
  400. 400.
    >Glance over at your secret chest filled with your self-written princess erotica.
  401. 401.
    "So how do you think you'd look in a tiara?"
  402. 402.
    >Before you can roleplay as Celestia and he as you, your front door is levelled.
  403. 403.
    >Look over with a bewildered expression.
  404. 404.
    >A huge changeling covered in battle armour and various wounds grunts and kneels down.
  405. 405.
    >Anon hops off, a harpoon slung over his back and wearing what appears to be a handmade breastplate.
  406. 406.
    >He's also missing an eye and is sporting the most marvellous beard.
  407. 407.
    >Fluttershy takes up his side.
  408. 408.
    >She's completely bald and is missing half her teeth.
  409. 409.
    >Look at the calender.
  410. 410.
    >...Oh dear.
  411. 411.
    >Anon stomps forwards.
  412. 412.
    >"Princess."
  413. 413.
    >Nod slowly.
  414. 414.
    "Anon?"
  415. 415.
    >He glares down at you.
  416. 416.
    "So uhh, where have you been these last... Umm... Five years...?"
  417. 417.
    >His eyes narrow even harder.
  418. 418.
    >"Do you have any idea where I've been and what I've been through?"
  419. 419.
    >Take note of the dragon skull he's using as a shield.
  420. 420.
    "Umm. I can guess?"
  421. 421.
    >He reaches into a pouch and produces a few scrolls.
  422. 422.
    >Take them from him and start reading.
  423. 423.
     
  424. 424.
    >'Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle.'
  425. 425.
    >'Today I learned that not only are changelings carnivorous, but they have an intense sexual libido. I pray that the citizens of Appleoosa forgive me.'
  426. 426.
    >'Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle.'
  427. 427.
    >'Today I learned that a dragon matriarch will fight to the death to protect her young, but also that their blood burns like acid.'
  428. 428.
    >'Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle.'
  429. 429.
    >'Today I learned that Fluttershy does dark and terrible things to my body while I sleep. And that I should always sleep with a knife for future encounters.'
  430. 430.
    >'Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle.'
  431. 431.
    >'Today I learned that there is a race of rat-men living under Canterlot. I decided not to report them to the overworld because they were gracious hosts.'
  432. 432.
    >'PS, You might have to deal with a rat-man uprising.'
  433. 433.
    >'Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle.'
  434. 434.
    >'Today I learned that my changeling mount (Susan) can fly. Not even the pegasi are safe from her wrath. RIP Wingslow Village.'
  435. 435.
    >'Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle.'
  436. 436.
    >'Today I learned that potions bought from native Zebra tribes have regenerative properties. In relation to that, Fluttershy can no longer die. So I have no qualms stabbing her if she annoys me.'
  437. 437.
    >'Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle.'
  438. 438.
    >'Today I learned that it's been 4 years since you forsook me and Fluttershy. We're going to fucking kill you when we get back.'
  439. 439.
     
  440. 440.
    >Look up
  441. 441.
    >Anon's fist connects with your face and you go reeling backwards.
  442. 442.
    >Be Fluttershy.
  443. 443.
    >Lean on Susan's leg and watch with an unimpressed face as Anon gets on top of Twilight and starts beating the blood out of her.
  444. 444.
    >Susan grunts.
  445. 445.
    >Sigh and scratch a developing itch.
  446. 446.
    >Twilight's cries reach your ears but you don't care.
  447. 447.
    >You've seen things that no pony should see.
  448. 448.
    >Anon finishes destroying her face and stands back up.
  449. 449.
    >He reaches into another pouch and hurls a carton of milk at her face.
  450. 450.
    >Then looks towards the grey pony, who was watching the whole thing amazed
  451. 451.
    >"Hey, you. Wanna come on an adventure?"
  452. 452.
    >"S-sure!"
  453. 453.
    >"What's your name?"
  454. 454.
    >"...I don't know."
  455. 455.
    >"How does Tom sound?"
  456. 456.
    >"Great!"
  457. 457.
    >Anon turns around and points at you
  458. 458.
    >"So where to now?"
  459. 459.
    "My bedroom?"
  460. 460.
    >He stabs you and walks out, Susan and Tom following him.
  461. 461.
    >Fucking Anon.
  462. 462.
     
  463. 463.
    The End.

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