[FLUTTERRAPE] Recon Mission


                                            Originally uploaded to Pastebin: June 1st, 2014

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                                            I LOVE SHORTS.

                                            THEY'RE COMFORTABLE AND EASY TO WRITE.


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                                            "Command? Come in, command."

                                            >...

                                            >"This is command, we read you, Anonymous."

                                            "I've hit planetside, no major problems so far. Visual feed is damaged but I can just provide description myself; weapons systems are functional and life support is running with no problems."

                                            >"Good to hear, Anonymous. Begin the search."


                                            "Command?"

                                            >"We hear you."

                                            "Terrain is suitable, plantlife is abundant, air seems to be breathable."

                                            >"Understood; don't remove your visor just yet, remain in your suit."

                                            "Yes, command. Should I search for second grade lifeforms?"

                                            >...

                                            "Command?"

                                            >"We hear you, Anonymous; commence the search, use of lethal force is only granted in self-defence scenarios, understood?"

                                            "Understood."


                                            >"Come in, Anonymous."

                                            "I'm here, Command."

                                            >"What's the situation like down there?"

                                            "Everything is fine. Peaceful, even."

                                            >"Update on the lifeforms?"

                                            "Plantlife continues to become more complex, the area is similar to Earth's biosphere. Seen a few second grade lifeforms: birds and rabbits."

                                            >"Say again, Anonymous, did you say 'birds and rabbits'?"

                                            "I did. More energetic than the kind we have back on Earth, but I can confirm that this planet has lifeforms more or less identical to our own."

                                            >"Holy-- Uh, carry on, Anonymous."


                                            "Command. Come in, command."

                                            >"What's the situation, Anonymous?"

                                            "I have found fourth grade lifeforms."

                                            >...

                                            >"...Are you certain?"

                                            "I am looking at houses right now. I see sapients moving around down there."

                                            >"What are they doing?"

                                            "Talking; playing; laughing. It's a fully fledged civilisation."

                                            >...

                                            "Com--"

                                            >"Anonymous, you are ordered to -not- engage or interfere, understood?"

                                            "Understood, command. What should I do?"

                                            >"Maintain your distance and try to remain hidden."

                                            "Shit."

                                            >"Anonymous?"

                                            "Command, one of them saw me."

                                            >"Retreat from the area to these coordinates, arm your weapon and prepare to defend yourself if necessary."

                                            "Understood, relocating."


                                            >"Come in, Anonymous."

                                            "Hhh..."

                                            >"Anonymous, are you there?"

                                            "Yeah... Just catching my breath... They're fast..."

                                            >"Are you injured?"

                                            "No, just out of breath; had to run to escape them."

                                            >"Can you confirm them as hostile?"

                                            "Not hostile; curious."

                                            >...

                                            >"Anonymous, what is your current location?"

                                            "Not far from the coordinates I received, lots of trees and tall grass; it comes up to my chest. The aliens are nowhere to be seen."

                                            >"Can you return to your previous location, the one with the houses?"

                                            "I could, though they might be waiting for me."

                                            >"Understood. Try and find a way to monitor them without alerting--"

                                            "They've found me."

                                            >"Anonym--"

                                            "Shitshitshit."

                                            >"Anonymous! Use force if necessary!"

                                            >...

                                            >"Anonymous?"

                                            "Not... Now, command!"

                                            >"Use your Ibrix Cannon!"

                                            "Arming... now..."

                                            >...

                                            >"Anonymous?"

                                            "It's stopped coming."

                                            >"What did you do?"

                                            "Fired at a nearby tree."

                                            >"Any collateral damage?"

                                            "No, tree was obliterated, and I think that gave it the message."

                                            >"They are no longer chasing you?"

                                            "It, command."

                                            >"'It'?"

                                            "Just one. Thought there were more because of the grass moving, but it was just one."

                                            >"Can you get a visual?"

                                            "I'm looking at it right now."

                                            >"Can you... Describe it?"

                                            "Yellow. Looks like a horse, has wings."

                                            >"...A flying yellow horse. Are you sure--"

                                            "Completely sure, command. It is a flying yellow horse."

                                            >"...What is it doing now?"

                                            "Watching me."

                                            >"Are you hurt?"

                                            "No. Just shaken, I've got my weapon pointed at it."

                                            >"How large is it."

                                            "Quite small. Maybe four feet tall?"

                                            >"Any offensive features?"

                                            "A bright pink mane."

                                            >"That's not-- be serious, Anonymous."

                                            "No. No claws or anything. Just seemed very intent on chasing me."

                                            >"Are you sure it wasn't... playing?"

                                            "Possible. Didn't want to take the risk."

                                            >"Understandable. Keep your distance for now."

                                            >...

                                            "It's moving closer."

                                            >"Maintain distance."

                                            "It's still coming."

                                            >"Can you retreat?"

                                            "I could, but it's got wings."

                                            >"It's actually capable of flight?"

                                            "I thought it might be like a chicken, only able to hover, but no; it can actually fly."

                                            >"Fire a warning shot."

                                            >...

                                            "Still coming."

                                            >"Okay, keep your visor down and activate shielding."

                                            "Shields online."

                                            >"Stand your ground, but be ready for anything."

                                            "Understood."

                                            >...

                                            >"Anonymous?"

                                            "Still coming. She's taking her time."

                                            >"She?"

                                            "Sorry, just looks like a female. Pink mane and all."

                                            >"Don't make judgements on gender just yet, Anonymous; they could be genderle--"

                                            "Female."

                                            >"Can you confirm?"

                                            "Yes. She's rubbing her vagina against my visor."

                                            >...

                                            >"...Anonymous, please repeat that last?"

                                            "The alien lifeform is hovering using her wings, and is rubbing her vagina between her legs against my visor."

                                            >...

                                            "She's winking at me."

                                            >"Anonymous are you bein--"

                                            "Yes. I am being completely serious. I would provide a visual feed but the feed was damaged in the landing process."

                                            >...

                                            >"Is she still doing it?"

                                            "Yes."

                                            >"...Damage... uh, report?"

                                            "My visor is covered in goo. Shielding isn't doing anything."

                                            >"Are your shields offline?"

                                            "Well no, they react to extreme kinetic energy, like blasts and frag rounds. She's not really doing anything rough; just kinda rubbing herself against me."

                                            >...

                                            "Like a cat."

                                            >"Can you make contact with her?"

                                            >...

                                            "Hello?"

                                            >"We read you, Anonymous."

                                            "No, not you, the alien; I'm keeping the feed open so you can hear what I'm saying."

                                            >"Good thinking, Anonymous."

                                            "Hello? Can you understand me?"

                                            >...

                                            >"Anything yet?"

                                            "She seems shocked that I can talk."

                                            >"What is she doing now?"

                                            "Whimpering and trying to pry off my visor. I think she's trying to get to me."

                                            >"Keep it sealed. Don't let her in for any reason."

                                            "Trust me, I won't."

                                            >...

                                            "God dammit."

                                            >"Anonymous?"

                                            "I touched her."

                                            >"You touched her?"

                                            "I held her in my hands and put her on the floor to try and get her to stop."

                                            >"How did she react? Violently?"

                                            "No, she just seems more determined to get inside my suit."

                                            >...

                                            "She's gone back to rubbing her vagina all over it."

                                            >"Anonymous, are there any other lifeforms in the area?"

                                            "I'd check, but she isn't even showing up on my radar. Not sure why that is."

                                            >"Is it broken?"

                                            "Hold on... yeah, actually, it is."

                                            >"Do a systems check, some of your more sensitive instruments might have been damaged during planetfall."

                                            >...

                                            "Yeah, visual feed offline, radar offline, homing beacon offline, radiation shielding offli-- oh wait, no, that one just came back online."

                                            >"Homing beacon, are you sure?"

                                            "Yes. It's cooked."

                                            >"Will have the boys look into it when you get back, see if we can't upgrade it to withstand atmospheric entry."

                                            "You can still see me though, right?"

                                            >"We still have you, don't worry, we can pull you out if things get too messy."

                                            "Things are already messy."

                                            >"Hostiles?"

                                            "No. She's getting goo everywhere. Can't see shit, hold on."

                                            >"What is she doing?"

                                            "Still checking my armour for kinks. I think she's starting to realise she can't get in."

                                            >"Be careful, she might be smarter than you think."

                                            "Don't worry, I've got my weapon trained on her at all times."

                                            >...

                                            >"We're getting an error back, is a part of your suit under attack?"

                                            "Yeah, my leg."

                                            >"What's the situation?"

                                            "She's humping my leg and moaning. ...It's really creepy."

                                            >"Remove her."

                                            >...

                                            "Removed... aaaand she's already back to humping. Unsure of how to proceed, command, do I fire upon her?"

                                            >"No, she doesn't seem capable of doing any physical harm to you; hold your fire."

                                            "Understood. Should I search for other lifeforms?"

                                            >"No. If they are all like this then it could pose a problem."

                                            "Explain."

                                            >"..."

                                            "Command?"

                                            >"Sorry about that, Anonymous; we're trying to make heads or tails of it up here. You can definitely confirm that she has been performing overly sexual acts on you?"

                                            "Yes, I can confirm. She's gone back to grinding her vagina on my visor."

                                            >"Stay where you are and do not attempt to find any others. If she's going through some kind of mating season then perhaps that explains her actions."

                                            "Yeah, I getcha."

                                            >"If they're all like this, you might get swarmed. We'll stay with one for now."

                                            "Understood."

                                            >"Perform a perimeter check, we're going to try something."

                                            >...

                                            "Area secure; weapon on standby in case of emergencies."

                                            >"Access your rations."

                                            >...

                                            "Rations compartment opened, you doing what I think you're doing?"

                                            >"What do you have in your inventory?"

                                            "Few grapes, some nutrigrade-seven, and a banana."

                                            >"Give her a grape."

                                            >...

                                            "Gave her the grape."

                                            >"How did she respond?"

                                            "She ate it."

                                            >"No side effects?"

                                            "None that I can see... but she's calmed down now, maybe she's hungry?"

                                            >"It's possible. Give her all the grapes you can spare."

                                            >...

                                            "She ate them all, looks like she enjoyed them as well. She's smiling at me."

                                            >...

                                            "Now she's making out with my visor."

                                            >"'Making out', Anonymous?"

                                            "Kissing. She's kissing my visor."

                                            >...

                                            "She's using a lot of tongue. ...god she's licking up her own juices..."

                                            >"...Still nothing from the grapes?"

                                            "No, she seems to be able to tolerate them. I think this planet's biosphere is almost identical to our own-- holy shit."

                                            >"Anonymous? Is there a problem?"

                                            "She's speaking to me."

                                            >"Confirm!"

                                            "She is definitely speaking. I can't understand a word of it but she's making words with her lips and vocal chords."

                                            >"Can you--"

                                            "No, I cannot understand it."

                                            >"Amazing. Well, Anonymous, that just about confirms it. You've actually found an intelligent species capable of construction, speech and rational thought on an Earth-like world!"

                                            "Yeah, it's uhh, pretty great."

                                            >"We'll pick you up ASAP, unless you would like to stay?"

                                            "No, no, I really don't."

                                            >"Understood. Any reason why?"

                                            "She got into my inventory."

                                            >"Searching for food?"

                                            "Yeah, the banana."

                                            >"Can she tolerate that?"

                                            "Oh yeah, she's tolerating it. Over and over again."

                                            >"...Anonymous you're not making se-- ...Oh."

                                            "Yeah."

                                            >...

                                            >"Evac inbound."

                                            "Please hurry, she's really getting into it."

                                            >"haha, understood, Anonymous."

                                            "It's not funny."

                                            >"Up here we can confirm that it's hilarious."

                                            "It's really not."

                                            >"...Anonymous, some of our boys in the lab have an urgent request for you before you are pulled out of there."

                                            "Go ahead?"

                                            >"Retrieve that banana."

                                            "Command, tell the boys in the lab to go straight to hell."


                                            The End.