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1626 10.17 KB 266
[FLUTTERRAPE] Recon Mission
By NebulusCreated: 2021-07-16 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-07-04 14:31:14
Expiry: Never
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Originally uploaded to Pastebin: June 1st, 2014
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I LOVE SHORTS.
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THEY'RE COMFORTABLE AND EASY TO WRITE.
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"Command? Come in, command."
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>...
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>"This is command, we read you, Anonymous."
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"I've hit planetside, no major problems so far. Visual feed is damaged but I can just provide description myself; weapons systems are functional and life support is running with no problems."
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>"Good to hear, Anonymous. Begin the search."
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"Command?"
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>"We hear you."
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"Terrain is suitable, plantlife is abundant, air seems to be breathable."
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>"Understood; don't remove your visor just yet, remain in your suit."
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"Yes, command. Should I search for second grade lifeforms?"
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>...
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"Command?"
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>"We hear you, Anonymous; commence the search, use of lethal force is only granted in self-defence scenarios, understood?"
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"Understood."
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>"Come in, Anonymous."
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"I'm here, Command."
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>"What's the situation like down there?"
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"Everything is fine. Peaceful, even."
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>"Update on the lifeforms?"
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"Plantlife continues to become more complex, the area is similar to Earth's biosphere. Seen a few second grade lifeforms: birds and rabbits."
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>"Say again, Anonymous, did you say 'birds and rabbits'?"
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"I did. More energetic than the kind we have back on Earth, but I can confirm that this planet has lifeforms more or less identical to our own."
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>"Holy-- Uh, carry on, Anonymous."
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"Command. Come in, command."
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>"What's the situation, Anonymous?"
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"I have found fourth grade lifeforms."
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>...
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>"...Are you certain?"
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"I am looking at houses right now. I see sapients moving around down there."
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>"What are they doing?"
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"Talking; playing; laughing. It's a fully fledged civilisation."
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>...
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"Com--"
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>"Anonymous, you are ordered to -not- engage or interfere, understood?"
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"Understood, command. What should I do?"
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>"Maintain your distance and try to remain hidden."
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"Shit."
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>"Anonymous?"
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"Command, one of them saw me."
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>"Retreat from the area to these coordinates, arm your weapon and prepare to defend yourself if necessary."
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"Understood, relocating."
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>"Come in, Anonymous."
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"Hhh..."
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>"Anonymous, are you there?"
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"Yeah... Just catching my breath... They're fast..."
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>"Are you injured?"
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"No, just out of breath; had to run to escape them."
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>"Can you confirm them as hostile?"
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"Not hostile; curious."
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>...
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>"Anonymous, what is your current location?"
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"Not far from the coordinates I received, lots of trees and tall grass; it comes up to my chest. The aliens are nowhere to be seen."
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>"Can you return to your previous location, the one with the houses?"
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"I could, though they might be waiting for me."
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>"Understood. Try and find a way to monitor them without alerting--"
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"They've found me."
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>"Anonym--"
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"Shitshitshit."
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>"Anonymous! Use force if necessary!"
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>...
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>"Anonymous?"
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"Not... Now, command!"
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>"Use your Ibrix Cannon!"
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"Arming... now..."
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>...
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>"Anonymous?"
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"It's stopped coming."
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>"What did you do?"
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"Fired at a nearby tree."
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>"Any collateral damage?"
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"No, tree was obliterated, and I think that gave it the message."
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>"They are no longer chasing you?"
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"It, command."
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>"'It'?"
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"Just one. Thought there were more because of the grass moving, but it was just one."
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>"Can you get a visual?"
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"I'm looking at it right now."
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>"Can you... Describe it?"
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"Yellow. Looks like a horse, has wings."
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>"...A flying yellow horse. Are you sure--"
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"Completely sure, command. It is a flying yellow horse."
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>"...What is it doing now?"
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"Watching me."
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>"Are you hurt?"
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"No. Just shaken, I've got my weapon pointed at it."
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>"How large is it."
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"Quite small. Maybe four feet tall?"
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>"Any offensive features?"
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"A bright pink mane."
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>"That's not-- be serious, Anonymous."
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"No. No claws or anything. Just seemed very intent on chasing me."
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>"Are you sure it wasn't... playing?"
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"Possible. Didn't want to take the risk."
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>"Understandable. Keep your distance for now."
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>...
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"It's moving closer."
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>"Maintain distance."
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"It's still coming."
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>"Can you retreat?"
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"I could, but it's got wings."
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>"It's actually capable of flight?"
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"I thought it might be like a chicken, only able to hover, but no; it can actually fly."
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>"Fire a warning shot."
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"Still coming."
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>"Okay, keep your visor down and activate shielding."
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"Shields online."
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>"Stand your ground, but be ready for anything."
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"Understood."
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>...
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>"Anonymous?"
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"Still coming. She's taking her time."
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>"She?"
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"Sorry, just looks like a female. Pink mane and all."
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>"Don't make judgements on gender just yet, Anonymous; they could be genderle--"
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"Female."
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>"Can you confirm?"
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"Yes. She's rubbing her vagina against my visor."
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>"...Anonymous, please repeat that last?"
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"The alien lifeform is hovering using her wings, and is rubbing her vagina between her legs against my visor."
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"She's winking at me."
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>"Anonymous are you bein--"
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"Yes. I am being completely serious. I would provide a visual feed but the feed was damaged in the landing process."
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>...
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>"Is she still doing it?"
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"Yes."
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>"...Damage... uh, report?"
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"My visor is covered in goo. Shielding isn't doing anything."
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>"Are your shields offline?"
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"Well no, they react to extreme kinetic energy, like blasts and frag rounds. She's not really doing anything rough; just kinda rubbing herself against me."
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"Like a cat."
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>"Can you make contact with her?"
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"Hello?"
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>"We read you, Anonymous."
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"No, not you, the alien; I'm keeping the feed open so you can hear what I'm saying."
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>"Good thinking, Anonymous."
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"Hello? Can you understand me?"
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>...
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>"Anything yet?"
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"She seems shocked that I can talk."
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>"What is she doing now?"
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"Whimpering and trying to pry off my visor. I think she's trying to get to me."
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>"Keep it sealed. Don't let her in for any reason."
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"Trust me, I won't."
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"God dammit."
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>"Anonymous?"
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"I touched her."
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>"You touched her?"
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"I held her in my hands and put her on the floor to try and get her to stop."
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>"How did she react? Violently?"
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"No, she just seems more determined to get inside my suit."
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"She's gone back to rubbing her vagina all over it."
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>"Anonymous, are there any other lifeforms in the area?"
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"I'd check, but she isn't even showing up on my radar. Not sure why that is."
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>"Is it broken?"
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"Hold on... yeah, actually, it is."
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>"Do a systems check, some of your more sensitive instruments might have been damaged during planetfall."
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"Yeah, visual feed offline, radar offline, homing beacon offline, radiation shielding offli-- oh wait, no, that one just came back online."
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>"Homing beacon, are you sure?"
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"Yes. It's cooked."
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>"Will have the boys look into it when you get back, see if we can't upgrade it to withstand atmospheric entry."
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"You can still see me though, right?"
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>"We still have you, don't worry, we can pull you out if things get too messy."
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"Things are already messy."
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>"Hostiles?"
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"No. She's getting goo everywhere. Can't see shit, hold on."
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>"What is she doing?"
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"Still checking my armour for kinks. I think she's starting to realise she can't get in."
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>"Be careful, she might be smarter than you think."
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"Don't worry, I've got my weapon trained on her at all times."
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>...
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>"We're getting an error back, is a part of your suit under attack?"
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"Yeah, my leg."
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>"What's the situation?"
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"She's humping my leg and moaning. ...It's really creepy."
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>"Remove her."
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"Removed... aaaand she's already back to humping. Unsure of how to proceed, command, do I fire upon her?"
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>"No, she doesn't seem capable of doing any physical harm to you; hold your fire."
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"Understood. Should I search for other lifeforms?"
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>"No. If they are all like this then it could pose a problem."
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"Explain."
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>"..."
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"Command?"
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>"Sorry about that, Anonymous; we're trying to make heads or tails of it up here. You can definitely confirm that she has been performing overly sexual acts on you?"
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"Yes, I can confirm. She's gone back to grinding her vagina on my visor."
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>"Stay where you are and do not attempt to find any others. If she's going through some kind of mating season then perhaps that explains her actions."
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"Yeah, I getcha."
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>"If they're all like this, you might get swarmed. We'll stay with one for now."
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"Understood."
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>"Perform a perimeter check, we're going to try something."
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"Area secure; weapon on standby in case of emergencies."
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>"Access your rations."
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"Rations compartment opened, you doing what I think you're doing?"
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>"What do you have in your inventory?"
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"Few grapes, some nutrigrade-seven, and a banana."
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>"Give her a grape."
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"Gave her the grape."
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>"How did she respond?"
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"She ate it."
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>"No side effects?"
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"None that I can see... but she's calmed down now, maybe she's hungry?"
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>"It's possible. Give her all the grapes you can spare."
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"She ate them all, looks like she enjoyed them as well. She's smiling at me."
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"Now she's making out with my visor."
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>"'Making out', Anonymous?"
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"Kissing. She's kissing my visor."
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"She's using a lot of tongue. ...god she's licking up her own juices..."
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>"...Still nothing from the grapes?"
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"No, she seems to be able to tolerate them. I think this planet's biosphere is almost identical to our own-- holy shit."
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>"Anonymous? Is there a problem?"
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"She's speaking to me."
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>"Confirm!"
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"She is definitely speaking. I can't understand a word of it but she's making words with her lips and vocal chords."
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>"Can you--"
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"No, I cannot understand it."
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>"Amazing. Well, Anonymous, that just about confirms it. You've actually found an intelligent species capable of construction, speech and rational thought on an Earth-like world!"
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"Yeah, it's uhh, pretty great."
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>"We'll pick you up ASAP, unless you would like to stay?"
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"No, no, I really don't."
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>"Understood. Any reason why?"
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"She got into my inventory."
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>"Searching for food?"
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"Yeah, the banana."
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>"Can she tolerate that?"
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"Oh yeah, she's tolerating it. Over and over again."
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>"...Anonymous you're not making se-- ...Oh."
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"Yeah."
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>...
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>"Evac inbound."
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"Please hurry, she's really getting into it."
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>"haha, understood, Anonymous."
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"It's not funny."
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>"Up here we can confirm that it's hilarious."
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"It's really not."
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>"...Anonymous, some of our boys in the lab have an urgent request for you before you are pulled out of there."
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"Go ahead?"
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>"Retrieve that banana."
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"Command, tell the boys in the lab to go straight to hell."
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The End.
by Nebulus
by Nebulus
by Nebulus
by Nebulus