[FLUTTERRAPE] Catch 22


                                            Originally uploaded to Pastebin: June 12th, 2014

                                            ---


                                            >Something taps your leg.

                                            >Ignore it.

                                            >A few seconds later, another tap.

                                            >Grumble and glare at your newspaper harder.

                                            >A final tap, followed by a sharp pain.

                                            "Gah fuc-- Wait, did you just -stab- me?!"

                                            >Sweetie Belle beams at you, a bloodied sewing needle in her mouth.

                                            >She spits it out and squeaks some kind of strange ethnic language at you.

                                            >Further listening indicates she might be saying hello, but it's hard to tell.

                                            "Shut up, Sweetie Belle."

                                            >She does so.

                                            "...Now whaddya want?"

                                            >"H-Hi, Anon!"

                                            "...Hi. Any reason why you just stabbed me in the leg?"

                                            >"O-oh, did I do that? Silly me! Ha ha!"

                                            >Sweetie Belle is...

                                            >Awkward.

                                            >Wouldn't have thought it, really.

                                            >Rarity raised her to be a rather classy young mare, but as the years went by, her curious eyes and intelligent demeanour diminished in the face of something everyone goes through at some point.

                                            >Adolescence.

                                            >Glare at her.

                                            >Your eyes quickly dart to her cutie mark and back to her face.

                                            >She sees this and blushes.

                                            >"S-see anything you like?"

                                            "Not too fond of hearts and music notes, so no."

                                            >Her singing voice is, for the lack of a better word, amazing.

                                            >She'll go far in life if she hones her talents.

                                            >-If- she hones her talents.

                                            >But unlike Applebloom, who, at the shocking age of 15, had already started her own blacksmithing shop.

                                            >Or Scootaloo, who, in a bizarre turn of events ended up as a demolitions mare--

                                            >Sweetie Belle had forgone her Cutie Mark, deeming that chapter of her life "done" once she had received it.

                                            >So she now concentrates on her new obsession.

                                            >Boys.

                                            >Colts.

                                            >Disgruntled males.

                                            >Like you.

                                            >"So umm, how're things?"

                                            >She grins at you.

                                            >The sun catches on her braces and you wince.

                                            "They're fine, Sweetie."

                                            >Inspect your leg.

                                            >It feels worse than it looks; a light flesh wound, it'll scab over.

                                            >"That's so cool! Things are fine with me as well! Gosh, we have so much in common!"

                                            >God dammit.

                                            >All you wanted to do today was relax.

                                            >Rarity hardly ever gives you a day off.

                                            >It's bad enough living in her closet, but now you have to deal with her sister.

                                            >Sweetie inspects the walls.

                                            >"I like what you've done with the place!"

                                            >She runs a hoof over the paint, and tries to sound haughty.

                                            >"I for one would have gone for a beige colour rather than this sickening 'maroon', but then again I suppose it compliments the Feng Shui just fine."

                                            "The wall is yellow, Sweetie."

                                            >She bites her bottom lip hard and you can almost hear her internal screaming.

                                            >"Um, I knew that; I was kidding! Don't you like jokes? Gosh, don't be such a dork, Anon!"

                                            >Raise an eyebrow at her.

                                            >"Unless you like being a dork. Then that's cool! I love dorks!"

                                            >She blushes.

                                            >"D-do you love dorks?"

                                            "How the hell do you manage at school?"

                                            >At "school" she cringes.

                                            >Then sighs.

                                            >"I get by..."

                                            "You alright there?"

                                            >"Yeah..."

                                            >She pouts.

                                            >"Suppose I'm just waiting for that special somepony, you know?"

                                            "Uh, sure."

                                            >Sweetie steps forwards, her movements mirroring that of a drunk before she flops onto your lap.

                                            >You're sort of sat on the floor cross-legged.

                                            >Not much room for furniture in a closet.

                                            >"Oh Anon! Woe is me!"

                                            "Did you learn that one from Rarity?"

                                            >"...N-no-- listen! You -have- to do something for me!"

                                            >Great.

                                            >If Sweetie ever tries to get anything from you, Rarity won't allow you to say no.

                                            >It was one of the many conditions for you living here.

                                            >Granted, Sweetie hasn't asked anything -too- bad of you; most of her requests are inane things like "Tell me if I look fat in this, and be honest" and "Do you have a marefriend? You're not allowed to lie."

                                            >You're only a few years older than her, so maybe that's why she keeps pestering you.

                                            >Give a reluctant sigh.

                                            "...What?"

                                            >She smiles up at you, eyes sparkling.

                                            >Hang on a siggedy second.

                                            >Scramble to your feet, pushing her off you.

                                            >Spin around on the spot, searching for the tiny shelf that has your calender on it.

                                            >Grab it.

                                            "No."

                                            >Stare down in horror at Sweetie Belle, who's grinning from ear to ear.

                                            "NO--"

                                            >"Take me to prom!"

                                            "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"


                                            "--NOT DOING THIS."

                                            >"Anonymous, -please-!"

                                            >Rarity glares at you.

                                            >"Need I remind you who puts a roof over your head and puts food on your table?!"

                                            "I don't own a table."

                                            >"...Floor!"

                                            >Sigh.

                                            "You do, Rarity."

                                            >She smirks at you.

                                            >Sweetie Belle stands behind her.

                                            >She's nice enough not to make faces or act like a massive bitch whilst Rarity shouts at you, but she knows she's about to get her wish.

                                            >"Now. It is only a single night; I am not asking you to -marry- Sweetie Belle!"

                                            >Sweetie visibly "hnngs" at the idea.

                                            >"I shall supply you with clothes, all I ask is that you show my sister a good time! That is all!"

                                            >Sweetie giggles and rushes off to do whatever the hell it is she does in her room.

                                            >As she leaves, Rarity watches her go.

                                            >A dark look crosses her face once her sister is gone, and she uses her magic to yank you down to her level.

                                            >"Make no mistakes, Anonymous; if she comes home teary eyed I will remove the bones from your body."

                                            >Her magical grip tightens.

                                            >"But if you even -consider- doing anything "dirty" with her, I'll gladly skin you and use you as a fashion item."

                                            "W-What kind of fashion item?"

                                            >Her eyes narrow.

                                            >"A cock-sock."

                                            >Your heart skips a beat.

                                            >"Am I making myself clear, Anonymous?"

                                            "Crystal clear, ma'am."

                                            >"Good."

                                            >She relinquishes her grasp on you.

                                            >"Now leave me be, I have to prepare your clothes."

                                            >Gulp, nod, and walk towards the door.

                                            >"Oh, and Anonymous?"

                                            >Turn to her.

                                            "Yes, Rarity?"

                                            >She wordlessly pulls a pair of scissors off a shelf with magic, levitates a thin roll of fabric up to them, and cuts the roll in half.

                                            >You don't hang around a second longer.

                                            >"Ohmygosh, this is going to be  -great-, isn't it, Anon?!"

                                            "Yeah. Great."

                                            >Walk up the dirt road towards the school house.

                                            >It's been built up somewhat over the years, thanks to Applebloom.

                                            >There are a lot more buildings dotted around it, making up a complex of sorts.

                                            >The prom is being held inside the original building.

                                            >Stepping inside, you see that it's been cleared of desks and is now a sizeable space packed with ponies.

                                            >A low dance beat is thumping the walls, and ponies bounce up and down in an awkward teenage clusterfuck.

                                            >Sweetie can barely contain her excitement.

                                            >You can barely contain your balls.

                                            >They're squashed inside this tight suit Rarity put together for you.

                                            >' It's tight as a reminder. If you try anything with her I'll crush them. '

                                            >Shudder and immediately head for the punch bowl.

                                            >A foreign exchange student is stood next to it, his mane coming down over his face.

                                            >As is usually the case with alpacas.

                                            >"Woah, man, what's up?"

                                            >How the hell did he even see you through that?

                                            >"Check out this sick punch, bro."

                                            "Wh-what."

                                            >"Niiiiiice."

                                            "Who are you again?"

                                            >"Wooooooah!"

                                            >He trails off, mumbling to himself and making "whooshing" noises under his breath.

                                            >You think he might be day dreaming about surfing.

                                            >Fucking alpacas.

                                            >However, you do indeed check out the punch.

                                            >There's a bottle of pills between it and the alpaca.

                                            >' Gnarly Gnights - For the most tubular of date-rapes. '

                                            >Jesus.

                                            >You avoid the punch bowl and move onto the other refreshments.

                                            >"So did you want some punch?"

                                            >Jump.

                                            >Sweetie is stood at your side.

                                            >She's wearing a cute little thing that Rarity tossed together in the space of 4 minutes.

                                            >Literally just plucked a dirty towel off the bathroom floor, grabbed some drawing pins, a spool of pink thread, and somehow made a frilly red dress out of it.

                                            >Gotta give her credit, she's good.

                                            >"Umm, Anon?"

                                            "Huh? Oh, sorry, spaced out. No, don't touch the punch, Sweetie."

                                            >She grins.

                                            >"Aww, don't want me getting drunk and... S-saucy?"

                                            >She turns around and takes a step towards the alpaca and his ticket to fourth base.

                                            >Grab her up in your arms and carry her to the other side of the room.

                                            >She squeals the whole time.

                                            >No one notices because of the music and the general commotion.

                                            >Set her down and glare at her.

                                            >She's blushing furiously.

                                            >"Y-you're so strong!"

                                            "Thanks, but really, don't do that again."

                                            >"Oh. Em. Gee."

                                            >...

                                            >Fucking hell.

                                            >Sweetie's glee vanishes and she instantly becomes more withdrawn, looking at her hooves.

                                            >"Did you like, -seriously- bring -that- to prom?"

                                            >Spin on your heel and look down at the newcomer.

                                            >Diamond Tiara.

                                            >She snickers at the pair of you.

                                            "Oh. It's you. Where's Silver Spoon? I always thought she was prettier than you."

                                            >Diamond twitches slightly.

                                            >"She didn't come, she got sick."

                                            "Pity. What do you want?"

                                            >"Shut up, nerd; hey, Sweetie Belle, are you having a good time with this disgusting creature? Figures you'd bring him since you can't get a date with a normal pony."

                                            >Sweetie doesn't answer, she just looks at the floor, a sad look in her eyes.

                                            >"Hey, I'm talking to you!"

                                            "Well maybe she would answer if you weren't acting like such a bitch. Just fuck off, Diamond, no one likes you."

                                            >She simply laughs.

                                            >"No need to be so nice to her, Anon; I know she's the only mare desperate enough to fall for you but that's no reason to stoop to her level."

                                            "Wow. You're so pleasant and easy to talk to."

                                            >The mare sneers.

                                            >"I don't need your approval to do what I want, Anon. But what I can say is this: ditch Sweetie."

                                            >Sweetie Belle looks up, shocked and hurt.

                                            "I'm sorry?"

                                            >"You heard me. You may be disgusting, but you're like, the most interesting thing here. I want to talk to you in private."

                                            "Oh. Well sorry to piss on your cornflakes but that's not going to happen."

                                            >Look down at Sweetie.

                                            >She's smiling up at you.

                                            >"Th-thanks, Anon..."

                                            >The stereotype before you laughs.

                                            >"This is rich! Are you being serious right now, Anon?! You can do -so- much better than her!"

                                            "Weren't you saying that I was disgusting a second ago?"

                                            >"Shut up, monkey, come with me."

                                            "No."

                                            >Diamond Tiara glares at you, then turns tail and walks off.

                                            >Sigh and sit down next to Sweetie.

                                            >She rests her head against you.

                                            >"Thanks, Anon..."

                                            "S'alright."

                                            >Watch as Diamond disappears into the crowd.

                                            >The music increases in tempo, and with it, the volume of the crowd.

                                            >Sweetie doesn't seem too thrilled about matters.

                                            >Nudge her with your elbow.

                                            "What's up, Sweets? Aren't you happy to be here?"

                                            >Sweetie sniffs

                                            >"Sure, I guess; It's just Diamond."

                                            >Frown.

                                            "What about her? She's a bitch and has no friends, big deal."

                                            >"I know, but, that doesn't stop what she says from hurting..."

                                            >Snort.

                                            "Please, she's just--"

                                            >Sweetie looks up at you, her eyes full of crushed hope.

                                            >You bite your tongue, preventing you from finishing your sentence.

                                            "You really feel that bad, huh?"

                                            >She nods.

                                            >Fold your arms and readjust yourself in your seat.

                                            >For a while you both sit still, watching Sweetie's classmates dance away.

                                            >Sweetie sighs.

                                            >"It's just... Why me? What did I ever do to get Diamond Tiara's attention?"

                                            >You bite your lip.

                                            "You're uh... Prettier than her?"

                                            >"...What about my braces?"

                                            >Shrug.

                                            "Braces can be cute."

                                            >"And what about my um, weirdness?"

                                            "Everyone's a bit weird. People who say otherwise are liars."

                                            >Sweetie turns to you, blushing.

                                            >"That works, I guess."

                                            >She leans up and tries to peck you on the cheek.

                                            >Before she can, she sees something and retreats back to her spot.

                                            >"Aww, did I interrupt?"

                                            "Oh my. She graces us with her presence yet again."

                                            >Diamond smirks at you.

                                            >"Changed your mind yet, monkey?"

                                            >Look down at Sweetie.

                                            >She's avoiding looking at anything.

                                            >Glance back at Diamond, stood proud and wearing some cheap shit that Rarity would never pass as a dress.

                                            "You know what?"

                                            >Diamond raises an eyebrow.

                                            "Yeah, I'll go with you."

                                            >Sweetie's head twists up, the mare gawping at you.

                                            >"Wh... A-anon?"

                                            >Wink at her.

                                            "Come on, let's go."

                                            >Walk past Diamond, leaving Sweetie in a corner by herself.

                                            >She watches you go, tears in her eyes.

                                            >Diamond pushes past you, intending to lead and not follow.

                                            >Look over your shoulder at your 'date' and mouth the words "trust me".

                                            >As you pass the table, you nod at the alpaca.

                                            >Through some sort of weird telepathy, he nods back and slides a cup of punch towards you.

                                            >"Radical."

                                            "Stop saying that; it'll never catch on."

                                            >"Rrrradical."

                                            >Diamond leads the way out the school house and into the night.

                                            >She struts over to one of the buildings around the school.

                                            >You think this one is the sports hall.

                                            >Allow yourself to be dragged around the back of it.

                                            >Out of sight and out of earshot, she turns to you.

                                            >"So~"

                                            "So."

                                            >Set your drink on a water barrel next to a drainpipe.

                                            >"Nice night?"

                                            "You really trying to make small talk with me right now?"

                                            >"You're right, it's a waste of time."

                                            >She reaches up and plucks her tiara off her head, tossing it aside and messing up her mane with a hoof.

                                            >"Let's just get straight to it~"

                                            "What exactly do you think is going to happen here?"

                                            >She pauses.

                                            >"Anon, you know where this is going."

                                            "I know where you -want- it to go, but uhh..."

                                            >You glance back at your drink.

                                            "...I think I'll give small talk another chance."

                                            >Pick up your drink and sit on the grass, your back to the wooden panel wall.

                                            >Your companion huffs and sits down next to you, shuffling over so that her head is resting on your shoulder.

                                            >"Then I guess we can start again. Nice night?"

                                            "I guess. You uh, smell good."

                                            >She doesn't.

                                            >"Thanks~ I wore this for you."

                                            >Roll your eyes.

                                            "You've never even been interested in me; you're just doing this to get at Sweetie Belle."

                                            >She lets out a short laugh.

                                            >"You're right, I am."

                                            >Diamond turns her head to look at you.

                                            >"I want to make her know that I can take away anything she loves."

                                            >Give her a flat look.

                                            "Why? What has Sweetie ever done to you?"

                                            >Diamond shrugs, putting on an innocent face.

                                            >"Oh, I don't know~ probably nothing; I just like watching her squirm."

                                            >She develops a grin.

                                            >"Just like I want to watch you squirm~"

                                            >A hoof brushes over your pants.

                                            >You raise your drink to your lips, then pause.

                                            "I haven't had any in a while..."

                                            >Diamond's smile widens.

                                            >"Good! Then this is gonna work out well for both of us~"

                                            >She makes circles with her hoof over your pants.

                                            >"I get to ruin Sweetie's life and you get to cover my ass with your cum. Sounds like a great night to me~"

                                            >Force a smile onto your face.

                                            "Sounds kinda good when you put it like that."

                                            >Offer her the cup.

                                            "Want a drink before we get started?"

                                            >Diamond takes the cup from you.

                                            >"Oh, you're such a gentlecolt."

                                            >She takes a huge gulp from it.

                                            >Smile as she does so.

                                            >"So~ Let's take off those pants."

                                            >She starts fumbling with your belt buckle.

                                            >Help her out, undoing it and slowly unzipping your pants.

                                            >Diamond bites her bottom lip as she watches.

                                            >"Mmm... I can almost smell it~"

                                            >You stroke her face with a hand, bringing your lips closer to hers.

                                            >She closes her eyes, whispering.

                                            >"And I'm gonna enjoy riding your fat c--... zzzzz..."

                                            >Aaaand she's out.

                                            >Damn, that stuff works fast.

                                            >Snort and stand up, shrugging her off you.

                                            >Zip your pants up and empty the rest of the cup all over her.

                                            "God, I thought people like you were made up by Disney to scare kids, but here we are."

                                            >Nudge her ribs with a foot.

                                            >She's completely still.

                                            "Don't worry, I'll send someone to come and get you."

                                            >She drools in her sleep and snorts.

                                            >Stroll back across the grass to the prom hall.

                                            >Pushing open the door, you head for the punch bowl.

                                            >Though he doesn't even turn his head, the alpaca speaks up when you come into range.

                                            >"Hey, dudebro."

                                            "Hey. Behind the sports hall. Have fun."

                                            >You think you see a smile form under all that hair.

                                            >"Radical."

                                            "Still not catching on."

                                            >He shuffles out the door, and you go to find Sweetie Belle.

                                            >She's sat in her corner still, trying to seem fine when in fact her make-up is smudged from her crying.

                                            >Smile down at her, your hands on your hips.

                                            >After a moment she notices you, and peers up, her eyes still moist.

                                            >"A-Anon? Where's... umm... you know..."

                                            "Eh, she fell asleep."

                                            >Grin.

                                            "I swear it was an accident."

                                            >Sweetie studies your face carefully.

                                            >A few seconds later she smiles.

                                            >"O-oh... Oh!"

                                            >The mare giggles.

                                            >"That's... unfortunate."

                                            "Very."

                                            >Sweetie looks away at the dance floor.

                                            >You take a seat next to her and watch the other ponies for a while.

                                            >Glancing over at her, what she wants is obvious.

                                            >She's just too shy to ask you.

                                            >Rub the back of your head and try to forget everything you know about social reputation or dignity.

                                            "So uh... wanna dance?"


                                            >The school house empties out, couples going their separate ways and quiet laughter filling the night air.

                                            >Sweetie is glued to your side, beaming from ear to ear.

                                            >You turn your head towards the sports hall in the distance as you walk down the path.

                                            >Two shapes are shrouded in shadow.

                                            >One of them is moving their hips rhythmically.

                                            >Fucking foreigners.

                                            >"So did you have a great night?"

                                            >Ponder this for a moment.

                                            "Yeah, I guess I did."

                                            >Sweetie is quiet for a moment.

                                            >"Good! Let's um, go this way, I wanna show you something."

                                            >Shrug and follow her.

                                            >She takes you over to some trees off the beaten path.

                                            >Once you're both surrounded by thick trunks, she rears up on her hind legs, placing her forehooves against a tree and showing you what lurks beneath her dress.

                                            >"D-do you wanna do it?"

                                            >You watch her back legs.

                                            >She moves around slightly, and a thin twig gets snapped underhoof.

                                            >Your face goes pale.

                                            "Uh, no; n-no, I don't, never."

                                            >Sweetie turns back to you, her lips quivering.

                                            >...

                                            >Her mouth lips, genius.

                                            >"N-never?"

                                            >Uh oh.

                                            >"B-but we had such a great night! A-and couples are supposed to do this on prom night!"

                                            >Back away from her, your hands held up.

                                            "Woah now, not -every- couple, Sweetie."

                                            >"But why not?!"

                                            >She stomps her hoof, snapping another twig.

                                            >You cringe.

                                            >"Am I n-not good looking?!"

                                            "You look great!"

                                            >"Then why not?!"

                                            "Because your sister will do things to me if I do!"

                                            >She stares at you, unblinking.

                                            >Her face contorts.

                                            >"YOU MEAN YOU'RE SCREWING MY -SISTER-?!"

                                            "What, no! No! I mean she'll--"

                                            >"NO! You're NOT doing this to me, Anon!"

                                            >Oh god oh god oh god.

                                            >"I waited years for this! -Years-!"

                                            >The waterworks come again.

                                            >"A-All I ever wanted from you was -something- to show that you cared!"

                                            "We've been living together for years! Of course I care!"

                                            >"Then prove it!"

                                            "Fine! I'll kiss you, will that help?"

                                            >"NO!"

                                            >This whole time, Sweetie was backing you up further into the trees, away from the path.

                                            >"You kissed me three and a half years ago when we were playing spin the bottle at Applebloom's place while she was in the bathroom; you were wearing a purple shirt and white pants and I was wearing a cute red bow I had Rarity make me just for that one NIGHT!"

                                            >Well that wasn't creepy in the slightest.

                                            >"I want -more-, Anon. And if you don't, I'll tell Rarity that you ruined my prom night!"

                                            >Shit.

                                            "But if I do anything with you she'll kill me!"

                                            >"She doesn't have to find out!"

                                            "She always finds out-- IT'S RARITY!"

                                            >"I don't care! Just give me this one thing, Anon!"

                                            "I give you loads of things!"

                                            >Your back hits a tree.

                                            >"Give me something that has -meaning- then!"

                                            "Oh come on, wasn't that perfume good enough?!"

                                            >"The perfume I'm wearing now, you mean? I don't know, Anon, is it good enough? Does it make me any more attractive to you?!"

                                            "I already said that you're attrac--"

                                            >She stands up again and places her hooves on either side of you, trapping you against the tree.

                                            >You could, of course, push her off.

                                            >But then again, Rarity would obliterate you.

                                            >You could also go along with her.

                                            >But then again, Rarity would castrate you, -then- obliterate you.

                                            "Come on, Sweetie, I took care of Diamond for you!"

                                            >"...I-I know, and thank you for doing that for me."

                                            >She sighs and gazes up at you.

                                            >Even on her hind legs her face only reaches your chin.

                                            >"...You're the only guy I like, Anon..."

                                            >She sniffs.

                                            >"No one else appeals to me but you..."

                                            "I gathered, but is raping me in the woods really the best way to make me like you?"

                                            >She giggles and blushes.

                                            >"I dunno... It might be fun to do naughty things in the woods at night with your marefriend~"

                                            "Woah, hey, we're not dating."

                                            >"We are now, or else Rarity might hear bad things about tonight."

                                            >...

                                            "Are you... You're blackmailing me, aren't you."

                                            >She nods happily.

                                            >"Uh huh!"

                                            "Fuck."


                                            >"So, how did it go, Anonymous?"

                                            >Rarity sizes you up.

                                            >"Your clothes seem... Messy."

                                            "Oh, I tripped up on the way home. Sweetie found it uhh, hilarious."

                                            >Sweetie struts past behind Rarity, her own dress scuffed up.

                                            >Your eyes watch her rear shake from side to side as she walks.

                                            >Rarity moves into your vision.

                                            >"Something you want to tell me, Anonymous?"

                                            >Stare at her eyes, sweating.

                                            "N-no."

                                            >"I hope you're not lying, Anonymous."

                                            >Sweetie returns to the room, no longer wearing her dress.

                                            >She waves at you behind Rarity's back and runs a hoof over her curves.

                                            >Your forehead becomes torrential.

                                            "O-Of course not. Everything is fine."

                                            >Sweetie skips past, humming.

                                            >"Everything's fine, sis~!"

                                            >Rarity snorts and gets out of your face.

                                            >She strolls back up to her inspiration room and shuts the door.

                                            >Sweetie rushes over to you, excitement clear in her features.

                                            >"Sooo, what do you want to do now, coltfriend?~"

                                            "I'm going to sleep."

                                            >"Oh! Good idea!"

                                            "Alone."

                                            >Sweetie scrunches her face up.

                                            >"RARI--"

                                            >Clamp your hand over her mouth and drag her to your closet, shutting the door behind you and turning off the lights.

                                            >Fucking Sweetie Belle.


                                            The End.