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How would you feel if you didn't eat breakfast this morning?

By Wall-o-text
Created: 2023-05-30 04:10:17
Expiry: Never
anoncelestialunaslice of lifesafe/kinder/comedyanonymouskinderquestria

  1. 1.
    >Curiosity is inevitable
  2. 2.
    > Now, Anon didn’t look down on these ponies at all
  3. 3.
    >he knew they were always kind, and to him, that’s what mattered most of all
  4. 4.
    >but the question of their, well, intelligence lingered in his little green brain
  5. 5.
    >They had their… tendencies, to act a bit different from how anon was used to seeing full-grown adults act
  6. 6.
    >to put it mildly, they were quite… soft? Overreactive? It was difficult for anon to describe, but sometimes it felt like Equestria was inhabited by 5 year olds
  7. 7.
    >this wasn’t an issue for him at all, but that burning curiosity within him must be extinguished
  8. 8.
    >and anonymous had the perfect way of figuring it out
  9. 9.
    “Hey uh, twilight, can I ask you a quick question?”
  10. 10.
    >twilight turns around
  11. 11.
    >”of course anon, enjoying the weather today?”
  12. 12.
    “Yeah, the weathers great, just cloudy enough to be a bit shady but not too cloudy to block out the sun!”
  13. 13.
    >twilight shows a bit of excitement
  14. 14.
    >”haha, I know right, perfect weather for reading outside!”
  15. 15.
    >she changes expression suddenly
  16. 16.
    >”oh right, you had a question for me?”
  17. 17.
    >anon takes a deep breathe, relishing in his final moments of living in the unknown of what will soon be revealed to him
  18. 18.
    “Twilight…”
  19. 19.
    >”um, yeah anon?”
  20. 20.
    “How would you feel if you didn’t eat breakfast this morning?”
  21. 21.
    >”...”
  22. 22.
    >twilight tilts her head in confusion
  23. 23.
    >”um, well I guess I would be pretty hungry, actually i read a book about-”
  24. 24.
    >aaaaand she even has a source to back it up
  25. 25.
    >Though a seemingly simple question, the ability to answer a hypothetical-situational question proved that Twilight is perfectly capable of at least average human intelligence
  26. 26.
    >huh, I wonder what the other ponies would say, anonymous thought
  27. 27.
    >and so, anonymous went around town asking everypony he could find
  28. 28.
    >every answer seemed to be some variant of ‘hungry’ or ‘bad’
  29. 29.
    >thus, anonymous proved that, at least in a very rudimentary way, ponies are somewhere near or on level with average human intelligence
  30. 30.
     
  31. 31.
    >being the only human in equestria, anon was granted special privileges to visit the princesses at any time
  32. 32.
    >though calling it “privileges” is more of a formality
  33. 33.
    >the princesses just really like playing with anon because he was closer to them in size and can often keep up with them when running around
  34. 34.
    >so, anon made his way to canterlot by train
  35. 35.
     
  36. 36.
    >as he entered the castle he noticed Celestia sitting on her throne reading
  37. 37.
    “Hey Celestia, I learned something cool today!”
  38. 38.
    >Celestia’s face tilts up after hearing anon
  39. 39.
    >”ANONYMOUS, so nice to see you again, hey, I got a new swingset in the garden, want to try it later?”
  40. 40.
    “Of course, hey celestia, wanna hear about my little experiment?”
  41. 41.
    >celestia’s face lights up in excitement
  42. 42.
    >”oh of course!”
  43. 43.
    “Well, back where i’m from, you can tell generally how smart someone is by asking a simple question, and when I asked everyone in ponyville they all passed”
  44. 44.
    >”oh WOW! That’s interesting, so does that mean everypony in ponyville is super smart?”
  45. 45.
    “Well, not genius smart, but definitely as smart as the average human”
  46. 46.
    >”that’s very cool anon, but, what was it you asked them?”
  47. 47.
    “Oh, yeah, it was ‘How would you feel if you didn’t eat breakfast this morning’”
  48. 48.
    >celestia goes silent for a moment
  49. 49.
    >”I’m sorry anonymous, but, what are you talking about?”
  50. 50.
    >oh shit that’s right, she probably doesn’t know why you would ask that question, anonymous thought
  51. 51.
    “Oh, sorry I should have explained, It’s called a hypothetical-situational question, and it actually takes a surprising amount of intelligence to be able to answer correctly”
  52. 52.
    >celestia gives you a confused look
  53. 53.
    >oh dammit she still doesn’t get it, anonymous frantically thought
  54. 54.
    “Okay here, for example, Celestia, How would you feel if you did not eat breakfast this morning?”
  55. 55.
    >she squints her eyes and opens her mouth slightly, leaving her expression lingering for a second before answering
  56. 56.
    >”but anon, I did eat breakfast this morning…”
  57. 57.
    >... what? Anonymous’s brain said
  58. 58.
    “Sorry, what I meant was, how would you feel IF you didn’t eat breakfast this morning Celestia”
  59. 59.
    >her confused look only grew
  60. 60.
    >”anonymous I ate breakfast this morning”
  61. 61.
    >double what, anon thought
  62. 62.
    “But celestia… I’m sure you did eat breakfast but I’m asking how you would feel if you did NOT eat breakfast this morning”
  63. 63.
    >Celestia began to grow frustrated
  64. 64.
    >”anooon, what are you talking about I DID eat breakfast this morning!”
  65. 65.
    >right after celestia raised her voice, luna came running into the room
  66. 66.
    >”I heard arguing in here, celestia you aren’t being mean to anonymous are you?”
  67. 67.
    >celestias face continued to grow from frustration and lean more towards anger
  68. 68.
    >”no, ANONYMOUS IS THE ONE BEING MEAN TO ME!”
  69. 69.
    >oooooooohhhhhh boy, anon thought
  70. 70.
    “Look, let’s ask luna, it will make a lot more sense once you see what she says”
  71. 71.
    >you pray to every deity possible that luna answers this right or you might be in some big trouble
  72. 72.
    “Uh, luna, how would you feel if you did not eat breakfast this morning?”
  73. 73.
    >she rubs her chin as she thinks
  74. 74.
    >anon’s worry grows more by the nanosecond
  75. 75.
    >”well, I guess I would be really hungry”
  76. 76.
    >anon lets out a well deserved sigh
  77. 77.
    >”BUT I SAW YOU EAT BREAKFAST THIS MORNING LUNA!!!”
  78. 78.
    >celestia shouts with childish fury
  79. 79.
    >both anon and luna go wide eyed at her rage
  80. 80.
    >”um, sister, I don’t understand, anon was just asking how I would feel if i didn’t eat breakfast, and when I don’t eat breakfast I feel very hungry, that’s all”
  81. 81.
    >anger spreads across celestia’s face painting it red
  82. 82.
    >”YOU’RE JUST BULLYING ME NOW, YOU’RE BOTH JUST BULLIES!!!”
  83. 83.
    >her shouting caused the guards to rush into the throne room
  84. 84.
    >”CELESTIA IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?” the head guard asks
  85. 85.
    >celestia looks at both you and luna
  86. 86.
    >”these two BULLIES are bullying me and telling me i didn’t eat breakfast this morning when i KNOW I DID!!!”
  87. 87.
    >”YOU WERE THERE LUNA YOU SAW ME EAT BREAKFAST!!!”
  88. 88.
    >oooooooooohhhhhhhh boy, part 2
  89. 89.
    >the head guard looked at anon but looked to luna with worry
  90. 90.
    >likley due to the fact a guard probably can’t do anything to apprehend a princess
  91. 91.
    >luckily quick thinking saves the day
  92. 92.
    “Look I’ll explain everything, long story short I asked her a question she didn’t understand”
  93. 93.
    >”here, how would YOU feel if you did NOT eat breakfast this morning?”
  94. 94.
    >the head guard rubs his chin in thought
  95. 95.
    >”well” he answers… “I guess i would feel pretty hungry!”
  96. 96.
    >a full 5 seconds of ominous silence fills the room after he finishes his words
  97. 97.
    >you turn to celestia to see her, face full of tears, clenching her teeth
  98. 98.
    >”WELL YOU KNOW WHAT ANON, IF YOU WANT TO BE THE WORLDS BIGGEST MEANIE EVER I’LL NEVER LET YOU PLAY ON MY SWINGSET, AND I WON’T EVEN LET YOU COME INTO THE CASTLE AGAIN!!!”
  99. 99.
    >”AND I KNOW ALL OF YOU CAME TOGETHER JUST TO BULLY ME, WHY DO YOU ALL HATE ME SO MUCH!!!”
  100. 100.
    >celestia ran to her chambers in tears
  101. 101.
    >it was an “I’m not sure where I’m gonna go to get my daily swing-setting in now” kind of day

The Preservation of Innocence (Part 1)

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The Preservation of Innocence (Part 2)

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The Preservation of Innocence (Part 3)

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The Preservation of Innocence (Part 4)

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The Preservation of Innocence (Part 5)

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